Sun Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 If you did not change your name when you got married, what kinds of issues did you run into? I'm curious because I did not change my name, and the only "issue" I've ever encountered is people occasionally sending holiday cards to me with my husband's last name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 No issues ever. None at all. Yes, somebody wrote a card to me and used my husband's last name once or twice but I don't consider that an issue. We have had no problems at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 For me, the only real issues arise with schools and medical offices. Back when DS was in public elementary school, I'd have trouble dealing with registration, teachers, and administrators because my name & his didn't match. (Actually, for most of those years, DH and I weren't married, but all three of us lived together all the time, so my role was the same as it would have been if we had been married. I used to tell DH we didn't even have to get married - I could just change my name and no one would bat an eye.) Same at the doctor's office, at least for the first couple visits. But, anymore, the only "problem" is that no one knows how to address envelopes. Really more amusing than annoying. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raifta Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I didn't change mine and I can honestly say I've never had an issue. The kids have DH's last name because it was (marginally) easier to pronounce and spell - although really they are both challenging in that way. We jokingly combined our last names to form one for our joint email address and I now get mail addressed to us using that last name. Some because people think it's funny and like the combo, some because people are just clueless and think that's really our last name despite being repeatedly told otherwise. I actually think if it wasn't such a pain to change so many things we might have chosen to go with this combo last name but that would mean two people changing things, so twice the paperwork and I just am not that into paperwork. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 If you did not change your name when you got married, what kinds of issues did you run into? I'm curious because I did not change my name, and the only "issue" I've ever encountered is people occasionally sending holiday cards to me with my husband's last name. No issues, none. The closest thing to an issue is people calling my husband by my last name or calling me by his last name. I do not consider that an issue. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebbyribs Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I'm not sure if this is what you mean by an issue, but it was weird to realize that my nieces share my last name while my children do not. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 One person asked me about it once . Married 16 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I have never had any problems. Occasionally people call me by my husband's last name. I rarely waste my time correcting them. My children have both of our last names as is the custom where they were born. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I added my husband's last name as a middle name. So while my kids have a different last name than me, I do have their name on my ID. The only issue? I had to send additional documentation to have them added to my health insurance since we didn't have the same last name. People address Christmas cards every way imaginable. I don't mind that at all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 (edited) 2dd delayed changing her name until after she actually had her license. It saved a whole lot of hassle in trying to convince the licensing/examining agencies she really was that person on her transcripts/ diploma with a different name. Changing her name after she had a license and was registered with the state, was easy. I have an acquaintance who established her prof rep with her ex's name. (She also prefered it to hers.) She was still using it after she married her current dh. She made the effort to change it when they had kids. Edited February 13, 2017 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 The only issue I had was that my (now ex)husband apparently was not happy about it. And yes, we did talk about it beforehand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Well, I hyphenated when we got married. And then we bought a house with an FHA loan. ALLLL those papers having to be signed with full name...oy. 8 letters + 3 letters + 11 letters + 5 letters. And my birth name is hard to write because it has long descenders next to high ascenders THREE times. It is very slow to write it out. Now I am 5 letters + 5 letters. Selling that house was the last time I used the hyphenated name. :0) I had a friend who didn't take her dh's name. When her sons ended up in the emergency room (repeatedly), they had some issues, and she eventually just took the same last name. It wasn't worth the aggravation anymore. I knew another couple who kept birth names and had issues with travel when their son was born. But they resolved it, I think. It was a lot of hassle though at first. I have another couple friend who kept birth names as they really wished to isolate the business from the marriage. All their kids are hyphenated. But I know another couple whose husband had the last name from Alphabet Soup City and she kept her birth name and hasn't ever looked back. So there ya go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 I changed my name. But dd did not. She had had zero issues. Zero. She would have had issues if she had tried to change it because that would have coincided with transfering her medic license to New Jersey. It could have really complicated the transition. So she has been quite happy she did not change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 no issues the kids have my last name, not his. Again, no issue at all. No problems with forms or enrollments or taxes or insurance. I have occasionally got mail from an elderly relative addressed to Mrs his last name, but everyone gets the kids name correct, which makes me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 (edited) Most recently we had to send the HS umbrella proof that I was in fact the kids mom. :glare: Often people assume DH and I aren't married, I've suffered through mini lectures from little old people who kindly tell me I should marry my "babies" daddy. When I tell them we've been married for X years they have trouble comprehending. This happens less now that I'm older. I did have one lady ask me, after I explained, "why'd you do a fool thing like that, don't you want people to know who you belong to" :confused1: :confused1: :confused1: I hope she just misspoke. I was so floored I stuttered, "no, ma'am I don't", and walked away. ETA: we have the thing where DH is referred to as Mr. Fox, he usually just smiles and nods, he's offered to change his name several times. Edited February 14, 2017 by foxbridgeacademy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiddles Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 I was too lazy to change my name. I never had any issues, except that I think my husband was a bit miffed, although he never really said so (his first wife took his name, so I don't feel too bad). Also, I may have gotten a few raised eyebrows at my kids Christian school, but that could be me being a bit sensitive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 The only issues I've had have been incorrectly addressed envelopes and the occasional person who might address me as Mrs. Husband's Last Name -- nothing too onerous. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 except for that one older relative who sends me the yearly Christmas card, no one has ever, ever called me "Mrs Any last name" in my life. I've never been introduced as that or even had anyone ask me what my marital status is or anything. I have been introduces as "DH's first name's wife" (This is John's wife, Sally) but never as Mrs Last Name. I've always introduced myself as just my first and last name. I just shake hands and say "my name is Sally Smith". I wouldn't ever say I'm Ms Sally Smith or Mrs Sally Smith. It wouldn't occur to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 I didn't really want to add dh's last name but in the end I did. So I have two last names , no hyphen. No issues other then mail being addressed to wrong last name and inlaws who insist on just using his last names. Whatever. No skin off my nose to roll with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Not a one; never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 No problems in 25 years. (not counting misaddressed mail) The kids have his last name, but no one has ever questioned that I was their mom at the doctor or anything. I mean really, who wants to schlepp kids to the doctor and pay the bill so much that they would pretend to be a parent? I guess they figure that copying your photo ID and taking your credit card is enough to discourage the occasional weird person who might want to do that. No problem with taxes or anything that I can think of. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosika Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 I was stopped at the border, interrogated and made to wait (pending verification of my identity) when I traveled with my young toddler. We are of a different race and skin color, so that may have been an issue more so than our different last names. I now keep a POA and notarized letter with me when I travel internationally alone with the kids, but it hasn't happened again since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdrinca Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Before we adopted a family name (everyone is hyphenated), I would receive mail with DHs last name, and he received just as much with my last name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Well, mine is hyphenated and I wish I had just kept one because it is a PITR to sign documents and/or buy a house. I kept both because when I got married I was quite close to my high school students and I wanted them to be able to come back and find me after graduation. Sigh. That was 21 years ago. And we moved across the country. No one knows my maiden name here, but my work gave me a hyphenated name for my email address and the students always get so confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 For me, the only real issues arise with schools and medical offices. Back when DS was in public elementary school, I'd have trouble dealing with registration, teachers, and administrators because my name & his didn't match. (Actually, for most of those years, DH and I weren't married, but all three of us lived together all the time, so my role was the same as it would have been if we had been married. I used to tell DH we didn't even have to get married - I could just change my name and no one would bat an eye.) Same at the doctor's office, at least for the first couple visits. But, anymore, the only "problem" is that no one knows how to address envelopes. Really more amusing than annoying. How should envelopes be addressed? (say a Christmas card?) Mr Bill Jones and Ms Susie Smith? or the Jones and Smith Family? or something else? (Not snarky - I'm really wondering what is correct / preferred.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 How should envelopes be addressed? (say a Christmas card?) Mr Bill Jones and Ms Susie Smith? or the Jones and Smith Family? or something else? (Not snarky - I'm really wondering what is correct / preferred.) Mr. Bill Jones and Ms. Susie Smith is correct. Same as with a same sex couple. Each name, alphabetically. Mr. Adam Apple and Mr. Bill Smith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Cards to Dr and hubby are addressed to Ms. R. H.... and Mr. M. J.... But they don't care if it done properly or not. They are pretty laid back about it. Financially it has made sense for them to file taxes separately so no issues there either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Our address labels say "Smith Jones Family" as the name. I address people who have different surnames (mostly, Christmas cards) as the Smith Jones Family. I have a few gay families in our family or as friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 How should envelopes be addressed? (say a Christmas card?) Mr Bill Jones and Ms Susie Smith? or the Jones and Smith Family? or something else? (Not snarky - I'm really wondering what is correct / preferred.) I really have no idea what formal etiquette would be (I'll defer to others there), but the Jones & Smith Family strikes me as most efficient and best "ring." I'm just amused by all the different ways, including only first names, all my last name, all his last name (most common among my relatives, incidentally, and almost always misspelled), etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 I've decided that even though I have two last names, we have one family name. So my name is "Lawyer&Mom Jones Smith" but our mailing labels say "The Jones Family." What mail do we get in return? Everything imaginable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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