Ex homeschooling parents who are now anti homeschool

[teachermom2834]

I have been on this board a long time and there have had posters here that took a turn against homeschooling.

 

I know someone who is homeschooling four kids right now and they are just not disciplined and do very little school.  The effort and priority just isn't there.  I suspect they will go back into the school system at some point and they will be very behind.  I can picture these parents saying "homeschooling doesn't work" to anyone that will listen.  This kind of makes me crazy.  I would have no problem if they said "homeschooling didn't work for us" but I don't see them saying that.  Just that "homeschooling doesn't work." Ack!

[Bluegoat]

​I haven't really met anyone like this.

 

I've become  little more blase about it, as some others here said.  In part because I think people get mislead about what's involved. 

 

But, I think part of what I've realized is that to a large extent, what I would really like is a different kind of school system.  I actually think that it's great for kids to have an institution that brings them together with other kids in the community, and trained teachers, and other resources.  I just think the wy the public school system here does this is only ok, not gret, like it could be, and at some points there are some major problems.

[TranquilMind]

My oldest asked to be homeschooled (8th, 11th, and 12th).  Once she got married, she suddenly turned anti-homeschooling.  Her husband influenced her opinion heavily (in his eyes I can do no right).  Oldest dd even sent a five page single spaced letter to us and dd#3 about how dd#3 should attend public school.   It persuaded dd#3 and she chose to attend public school.  There were pros and cons (life altering).

 

After experiencing some negative attitudes from her children once they started attending school, oldest dd tried to homeschool.  It was too much stress for her personally and IMHO she didn't have much support from her DH.  She put her children back in public school this week and I'm supportive of her decision.  I think it will be good for her kids to have more structure since they just moved to a new city and there will be a new baby in a few months.

 

I'm not as pro homeschool as I was when my children were little.  But, the pros my kids have experienced when they did attend public school weren't worth the cons.  

Yep, sometimes other influences/propaganda influences their thinking for awhile, having nothing to do with the home schooling part itself.    I'm sorry you had that experience. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Yes, one time.  She found out I homeschooled and said "Omg, how do you do that?  I did that one year and about died.  I happily drive my kids to the school now because it was so terrible"  I don't know her too well but every time I am around this person they are griping about everything and very unhappy in general so....grain of salt.

[Guest]

I know two always-homeschooled adult children who are against homeschooling. In one case, I knew the girl didn't like homeschooling in large part because she had no outlet to perform her sport on a serious level and also because she wanted the friends and commraderie that goes with it. The other mostly sites isolation.

[Happy2BaMom]

Only one parent who did a cr*p job and now wants to blame the lack of oversight in hsing. I also know one young adult (formerly hs'ed K-12) who has very bitter feelings because he wanted to attend the local STEM high school when it opened. He completed an application and gave it to his parents & they said they would submit it but then never did. So he never got to go (you either get admitted as a freshman or you don't get in, basically, as the curriculum builds through four years). Now he tells others about his experience and believes/talks about how rising-freshmen homeschooled students should have the legal right to make their own decisions on high school education.

 

 

I'm certainly not anti, but over our years of homeschooling, I have become less impressed and less comfortable with it.   I'm losing my conviction that complete freedom is necessarily a good thing, and I hate that I'm losing that, because I'm very conflicted about these feelings.   I love that there is an alternative to public school that doesn't require the $$ and politics of private school.  But I wish people would be responsible, logical and realistic.  I wish they would take the responsibility seriously.  I've learned so much, and I get more and more turned off.   :sad:

 

This is me. Totally. 

 

I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have hsed ds. We pulled him at Christmas of his first grade year. Those first 4-5 months of his first grade year were one of my most horrible life experiences, ever. I would never want anyone to not have the option to hs their children. I think that's what makes me so angry about the cr*p I observe going on in the hs world now (which I posted about and sometimes taken flak for on this board). The risk is that eventually there will be enough parents/students/ps teachers (who get far-behind-grade-level hs kids dumped on them a lot....I was a ps teacher, so I know) who demonstrate that lack of accountability in hsing is a real problem, and then there will be some reactionary stupid legislation (probably redundant terms there) which will make it more difficult for sincere, desperate parents to hs the son or daughter who is sinking like a rock in ps.

 

There are very real consequences to others not doing their job in hsing their children. The fact that those consequences haven't hit yet doesn't mean they aren't important or they aren't coming. 

 

Sorry, got a little off topic. 

[Scarlett]

Yeah I know one. They saw me being homeschooled and thought it was awesome, and their daughter was having severe emotional issues, so they decided to bring her home for 9th grade. Except, they pulled her mid-year so they decided she needed to do the entire year's worth of curriculum in the final 6 months. Also, they knew I was the eldest of a largish homeschool family and did my work almost entirely independently, and expected their just-out-of-school daughter to do the same, for a double workload, and somehow not fall into a worse depression for being alone in a room all day.

 

Yeah. It didn't go well. Turned into a rather sad story actually, her mental issues got worse, not better. She went back to school 6 months later and in a worse position, and it was all my fault for recommending homeschooling to them (even though I was also game enough to tell them, repeatedly, that double work was insane, that she needed help because she had never done independent learning before, and that leaving her alone in a silent room all day was bad), and their daughters fault for not just being able to do double work in a room alone all day without hating herself. They told anyone they could that homeschooling was bad and they no longer trusted my education either, and mentioned more than once that I should insist on going to school.

 

Sigh. I hated them. 

 

 

Oh this is horrible. 

[Scarlett]

I can't think of anyone who turned against homeschooling.  Most I know changed their mind FOR homeschooling. 

[Scarlett]

As for me.....I think there are so many variables that it is difficult to say who should homeschool and who shouldn't.  I basically tell people that almost anyone can do it, but they have to be realistic about what it takes.  I lot of people I know send their kids to school until middle school, but I think that is backwards.  The younger years were so much fun for us and ds learned a lot.  I think pullling kids out of public school and then expecting them to immediately do what a long term homeschooler has done is a recipe for disaster.  I can tell you my ds15 has really struggled his first year here doing homeschool.  The work is more challenging than the Podunk public school he was in but more than that he isn't used to scheduling himself and being responsible for his own work really.

 

He is doing MUCH better in the last few weeks though.  If he can make it through German we might all live.  LOL.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes.  I have met ex homeschoolers who bad mouthed homeschooling.  My interpretation of that?  They felt torn over their decision to stop or could no longer do it, their kids were having issues at school, and they wanted to feel they had made the normal, correct, and naturally better choice.  Which I get.  I don't think they should homeschool if they don't want to.  That's not what I'm getting at.  I think they were just trying to feel better about a decision they were torn on.

 

 

[Lisa R.]

In answer to the OP's question, I might fit in this category a bit.

 

I started homeschooling in 1995. At that time, the homeschooling culture was quite different than it is now. The homeschooling conferences were a chance to view curriculum in person. This was pre internet and homeschooling materials were not available in stores at that time. The conferences were huge and had booth after booth of curriculum. These conferences also had guest speakers that talked about issues having nothing to do with education. If you wrote curriculum, you were a homeschooling expert. If you spoke to a group of homeschoolers, you were a homeschooling expert. Some of these "experts" misled some earnest parents. There was formulaic parenting and homeschooling advice that was given out freely. Now that I've seen a generation of kids grow up under this influence, there are some very sad and disillusioned families that truly had the best intentions. Very sad.

 

My oldest two children are homeschooling graduates. I worked hard to give them a classical education at home and outsourced many classes from junior high and up followed by dual enrollment classes. I bent over backwards to provide them with a rigorous education. 

 

I got burned out. Burned out from being at home too much and burned out from trying to make sure social needs were met while providing college prep academics. I got burned out by not having the support around me that I needed socially and academically. The younger two are now at a university model classical school. It has been a great fit for us. I've seen that the science and English classes, in particular, are far superior than any of the best homeschool classes I could find. (I live in a large metropolitan area, so I had lots to choose from, too.)

 

My opinion on homeschooling has evolved over the years. I think it can be great in elementary school. The education can be tailored to the child, making those strengths greater and working on weaknesses. I think it can create a good self image in the child as the home is, hopefully, a loving and encouraging setting. Typically, it is easier to find social outlets at this age as higher percentages homeschool during these years. Additionally, kids are more likely to play with a wider circle of people thus making it easier to fulfill social needs.

 

Junior high is trickier. Social needs become greater and harder to meet. I've seen homeschooled kids whose parents scoff at the socialization needs, and I vehemently disagree. I've seen kids that are underexposed socially and I think it's unfair to do this to a child. Sorry. I think a parent can successfully homeschool junior high, but it is a lot of work to make sure the social needs are met. (I do acknowledge this is hard if a child is in a brick and mortar school, as well.)

 

It is unusual when parent can provide a homeschool education at the same quality of a good private school or a good public school offering AP or IB classes. If can be done, but it is very, very hard. I put all my effort to this end with my two older kids. I had many resources available in my community and the money to pay for it. It just doesn't match what my younger children are getting at their university model school. I know many homeschoolers that were convinced their academics were superior to a public school, but I think they'd be very surprised to see all that the schools are doing. For instance, it is difficult for anyone, even many well-regarded private schools, to offer the science labs and science resources that a public school can offer. I've seen many homeschool graduates that were deficient in math and sciences, and it impacted their career/college plans.

 

My two older ones have done well. The oldest has two college degrees. The second on has three classes left for his college degree. It worked out. But I wouldn't homeschool junior high or high school again. 

[idnib]

I haven't yet. All the homeschoolers I know are either still pro-homeschooling or gave it up reluctantly for various reasons, none of which made them against it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

 

It is unusual when parent can provide a homeschool education at the same quality of a good private school or a good public school offering AP or IB classes. If can be done, but it is very, very hard. I put all my effort to this end with my two older kids. I had many resources available in my community and the money to pay for it. It just doesn't match what my younger children are getting at their university model school. I know many homeschoolers that were convinced their academics were superior to a public school, but I think they'd be very surprised to see all that the schools are doing. For instance, it is difficult for anyone, even many well-regarded private schools, to offer the science labs and science resources that a public school can offer. I've seen many homeschool graduates that were deficient in math and sciences, and it impacted their career/college plans.

 

My two older ones have done well. The oldest has two college degrees. The second on has three classes left for his college degree. It worked out. But I wouldn't homeschool junior high or high school again. 

 

I agree with you that it is very, very hard (also having done it). But this is one of the things that keeps me from ever crossing over entirely to the anti-hs'ing side:

 

What I provide(d) is better than the math and science that our local public school can offer. Not because I'm so great, but because our local public school is so deficient! There are schools in this country that offer less than a totally devoted homeschooling parent can provide. That's not a myth, or just a lie that we tell ourselves.

 

My sons' test scores and college experiences bear me out on this - my students were prepared when their schooled peers were not. My eldest, a commuter student, started college surrounded by local kids from the schools he would have attended if he had not been homeschooled. Nearly all of them washed out by the end of their freshman year! The students still with him in the honors college of the religion and philosophy school are not local. They came from afar, some from other countries, for the program.

 

As far as what your children are privileged to have, a private, parent-funded university model school does not compare with a failing public school. If your children have access to trigonometry, calculus, physics, world history other than "intro to civilizations" and world languages other than Spanish, they are not at all experiencing what public schooled students in too many places recognize as a high school education.

 

I'm with you 100% on the difficulty level. I don't recommend homeschooling through high school to others, either, because I know the cost. I'm still paying it, and will pay the financial price for the rest of my life! But I would do it again (and am doing it again) because we can't move and our schools are not improving. I'm still my kids' best shot.

Edited February 2, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar

[kewb]

I don't know anyone who became anti-homeschooling but my thoughts have definitely changed since I started. I was never a school is bad, homeschooling is great person. Homeschooling is working for our family. I can look back now and see a bunch of things I probably should have done differently. I don't see my ds homeschooling his future children. If he does, he will only do it through middle school. He doesn't regret homeschooling high school but he does feel he missed out on things. Even though he swam on the high school team, participated in the drama club, and attended a few dances it wasn't enough for him.

Edited February 2, 2017 by kewb

[ktgrok]

Yep. And "leaning on the Lord" is great but it is not a solid plan B. And every woman needs a plan B.

 

Which is a reminder to have more life insurance than you think you need on the breadwinner. I could work again, but it wouldn't be anywhere near what my husband earns. But we have a lot of life insurance on him to help make up that difference. 

[PeterPan]

I know several former HSers who were blindsided by a change in their family's circumstances (typically divorce, widowhood, or breadwinner becoming seriously ill/disabled) and are now struggling. They are not specifically anti-HSing but rather they are anti-SAHP and think that the stupidest thing a woman can do is quit her paid job after having a baby. Homeschooling is bad in their mind because it generally requires having a SAHP. Women should put their kids in daycare and then B&M schools so that they can have careers and not be financially dependent on their husbands.

 

I certainly feel sympathy for these former HSers who are struggling, but I think they dramatically overstate the risks of something bad happening.

 

Not exactly scientific, but I have a surprising number of friends HSing friends who have had these major kinds of changes. Spouses die unexpectedly, etc. To me, this question of can a woman do SOMETHING to provide some income if she needs to is actually SERIOUS and a direct counter to the "your daughter doesn't need to go to college" movement. It's not so much that it has to be college, but a woman really does need SOME skill, some way to earn money if things were to change. It's unreasonable to leave a daughter with NO skills to earn anything beyond minimum wage, should she need to work.

[PeterPan]

Which is a reminder to have more life insurance than you think you need on the breadwinner. I could work again, but it wouldn't be anywhere near what my husband earns. But we have a lot of life insurance on him to help make up that difference. 

 

Not every situation involves life insurance kicking in. There can be dramatic changes in health, cancer, just major $$ shortfalls due to being in a ministry. Things happen. 

[Guest]

Not every situation involves life insurance kicking in. There can be dramatic changes in health, cancer, just major $$ shortfalls due to being in a ministry. Things happen.

And not everyone can get affordable life insurance.

[SparklyUnicorn]

There was a girl in DS's dance class who said to fellow dance mates "I used to be homeschooled, but I went to school because even though school totally sucks and it's terrible, it's necessary.  You can't really learn without it."  I'd guess she is 11.  I heard her mother a few weeks prior mention that she used to homeschool, but then she felt kids need school.  Do you really think an 11 year old came up with that assessment on her own?  And then she preaches it to other kids who pretty much all have probably barely heard of homeschooling?  Good grief. 

 

If I rolled my eyes back any further, they'd get stuck there permanently. 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Guest]

Not every situation involves life insurance kicking in. There can be dramatic changes in health, cancer, just major $$ shortfalls due to being in a ministry. Things happen.

I personally know three women who were on seemingly loving, stable marriages who were blindsided by DH leaving for his other woman. We've seen it happen on this board. Relying on DH to provide for you, forever, is a risk.

[The Girls' Mom]

I'm not anti-homeschooling by any means, but I've definitely realized that a large portion of the population should never homeschool because they aren't going to do even a mediocre job of it.  I feel like I've done ok by my kids, but I outsourced when needed, and gave them some say in their paths once they became teens.  Being prepared for college and life were HUGE priorities for us.

 

I've seen WAY too many cases of educational and even physical neglect in the name of homeschooling to say that it is a good thing across the board.  I believe it should remain a legal option.  I'm rather with Tibbie though, in starting to believe that some sort of regulation needs to be in place (although I haven't worked out what a proper level would be).  People just aren't making good choices, and it is impacting kids that have no choice.  

 

As for my own kids, for the most part they are ok with the fact that they were homeschooled.  One dd kind of wishes she'd gone to high school for social reasons (but in full disclosure, she had the choice to go to public high school and chose not to go).  None of them are currently against homeschooling their own children, but aren't sure if that is what they'll choose.  

[Guest]

I personally know three women who were on seemingly loving, stable marriages who were blindsided by DH leaving for his other woman. We've seen it happen on this board. Relying on DH to provide for you, forever, is a risk.

This seems variable though. I know a good 60 homeschooling families off the top of my head, some with graduated kids and some with mostly littles still. I can think of two who have had affairs or divorces (I'm sure a few more affairs have happened, I'm just going by what is publicly known). And this is a mixed group of educators, not one that is solely religiously conservative where those stats are even lower. Maybe that speaks to the demographics of the homeschoolers in my area - most have some college or a degree, middle class, 30-45 years old, and in stable relationships, not at risk demographics for splitsville just as a statistical probability.

 

Among my church circle maybe 4-6% of the congregation has been divorced and remarried, and those percentages are not higher for the homeschoolers than the private Christian school and public school families. Again, demographics make this unsurprising. Overall it is a wealthy area with lots of middle and upper middle class nuclear families compared to the rest of the city.

 

Husbands and wives do split and the homeschool community has some of them, but the prevalence is much lower than the average for this area. It's lower in my homeschool group than among my husband's coworkers, most of whom use the public schools or local charters. I know this isn't the case everywhere but devastating familial abandonment is fairly rare even among homeschoolers, at least here. I'd be surprised to see it being a big thing anywhere, it's more like a plane crash scenario where it is rare but terrifying to consider and that makes it stick in our minds as riskier and more prevalent than it actually is.

 

The risk may also seem outsized because homeschoolers tend to have larger than average families and a much higher percentage of single income households, so a split is a bigger impact than on your average double income family where one member doesn't stay home, but while it is a risk it's hardly one that bets life be structured around its eventuality like a prenup for a Hollywood marriage. Mitigating risk where you can is sensible but the risk of spousal abandonment still isn't extremely common, at least around here.

 

That's my .02

Edited February 4, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[Teacher Mom]

Well, I'll say that as a person -- I'm anti-homeschooling. As a mom, I think it is great for some children. Most people would say our journey was a success; dd is now in her second semester at Cornell University and happy. However, I think homeschooling damaged me, and to some degree my marriage, because it was a 12 to 16 hour day every day. My day was that long, not my student's (average 6 hour day plus homework). I lost the essence of who I was and some of the joy in being me. I am having to learn how to make friends again because there never was time for anything but homeschooling, housework, and cooking. The workload swallowed me whole. I could not find quality online classes and, believe me, I looked. I only paid for classes that I felt would do a better job than I could, and, maybe, that's where I went wrong. So many of the classes others raved about were just mediocre, so I ended up teaching the material myself in addition to the online class. Even today, looking back, I don't know how I could have managed the time differently and helped dd get into her dream school.

 

Thankfully, I am recovering from the stress and rekindling the romance in my marriage. I am glad I will never have to make the choice to homeschool again because, for me, it would be a choice between my personhood and my child's education. With the knowledge I have now, I would choose myself-- not proud of it but I know it would be my answer this time.

[sassenach]

It definitely took a toll on my career.

I had NO intention of being a SAHM. In fact, I did things backwards. I worked until the older two boys were 9 and 7 and then stayed home. I worked full time until they were 3 and 5, then went to 2/3 time until they were 7 and 9 and we moved to a lower cost of living area.

 

But I did it mostly because my oldest has ASD and school was just not working for him, at all.

 

He is turning 19 now and doing well, so I have returned to work, only to realize my retirement is now messed up because of all the years I didn't work (it is not as much about the AMOUNT of retirement, but the health insurance.)

 

I was never a die hard HSer. I did it out of necessity and because I felt it was best for the time. I knew I would return to work at some point.

 

Oh, and I am a PS teacher and PS counselor, so how in the world could I truly be ANTI public education? I am not one who quit her job because I no longer agreed with it, I quit to help my son.

 

I don't have daughters, but I will encourage my sons to marry girls with some sort of career path in mind, even if they choose to stay home a while. My father always told me that anything could happen down the line.....your spouse could lose his job, could be hurt and unable to work, or even die.....and you will need some skill to support your family. His mother was a nurse and worked when he was a child, she went down to part time some years, but she worked.

 

Sorry, this ended up being rather long and preachy, but it concerns me when I hear of moms who are so into only homeschooling that they don't have any sort of way to make real money. We just had a homeschool family lose their father to a heart attack, so this is heavy on my mind at the moment.

I had kids young, stayed home with them for 20 years, and have no career. 

 

We make the best decisions for our family based on our circumstances. I have zero regrets about having no marketable skills to show for my adult life. I'm not sure that it's anyone else's business. Shrug.

 

You know what a woman in my position can do to protect herself? Buy insurance for her dh- life and disability.

 

There's all sorts of ways to live!

Edited February 4, 2017 by Sassenach

[PeterPan]

Well, I'll say that as a person -- I'm anti-homeschooling. As a mom, I think it is great for some children. Most people would say our journey was a success; dd is now in her second semester at Cornell University and happy. However, I think homeschooling damaged me, and to some degree my marriage, because it was a 12 to 16 hour day every day. My day was that long, not my student's (average 6 hour day plus homework). I lost the essence of who I was and some of the joy in being me. I am having to learn how to make friends again because there never was time for anything but homeschooling, housework, and cooking. The workload swallowed me whole. I could not find quality online classes and, believe me, I looked. I only paid for classes that I felt would do a better job than I could, and, maybe, that's where I went wrong. So many of the classes others raved about were just mediocre, so I ended up teaching the material myself in addition to the online class. Even today, looking back, I don't know how I could have managed the time differently and helped dd get into her dream school.

 

Thankfully, I am recovering from the stress and rekindling the romance in my marriage. I am glad I will never have to make the choice to homeschool again because, for me, it would be a choice between my personhood and my child's education. With the knowledge I have now, I would choose myself-- not proud of it but I know it would be my answer this time.

 

I feel this pretty keenly, but it's because ds has so many SLDs and SN *on top* of the regular homeschooling. I really think homeschooling, as an image or concept, has become an unrealistic burden. And yes, I take the danger to marriage, to home, to mental stability, pretty seriously. I'm realizing I have to set more boundaries. We finally took a vacation in January, and I REALLY needed that! Like I was really, really, really burnt out and didn't realize it. And it wouldn't have had to have been so expensive. We did Disney (amazing), but we could have just plopped on a beach. The tickets were only $69 each way. Like it didn't HAVE to be so unaffordable or unattainable. 

 

I just wish homeschooling were as romantic as the books make it sound. Instead, sometimes it's really, really hard and we're making tough choices that don't have smooth, blissful answers. It's not like I could just put my ds in school and BOOM his problems are solved. His situation is hard either way. There are moms with kids in school who put in a lot of hours driving to activities and making things happen or making up the gaps from inadequate interventions. 

 

When I was starting out, someone at a homeschool convention spoke about making sure your kids see you doing OTHER things and pursuing your OWN interests. It's not a talk you hear very often, and I've never really heard it again. And sometimes, when the situations are really complex, it's hard to make that happen.

[PeterPan]

We make the best decisions for our family based on our circumstances. I have zero regrets about having no marketable skills to show for my adult life. 

 

Are you sure you have NO marketable skills? You may have picked up the ability to tutor or decorate cakes or craft or...  Like with my dd, I tell her study anything you want, do what you want, but come out with SOMETHING that you do well enough that it would be marketable. I think a typical homeschool mom would come out with SOME kind of marketable skill, simply because you've helped your dc through so many things. Nuts, I picked up dog grooming. People are always learning and morphing. 

[sassenach]

Are you sure you have NO marketable skills? You may have picked up the ability to tutor or decorate cakes or craft or...  Like with my dd, I tell her study anything you want, do what you want, but come out with SOMETHING that you do well enough that it would be marketable. I think a typical homeschool mom would come out with SOME kind of marketable skill, simply because you've helped your dc through so many things. Nuts, I picked up dog grooming. People are always learning and morphing. 

Oh, for sure! I actually have no fear about this stage of my life. I'm about to send my last kid off to school next year. I've started college classes and am working toward an RN (or BSN). I know I have skills!

 

I was just thinking about the thread of this discussion that was trending toward concern about career sacrifice. It's definitely a sacrifice, I'm not arguing that, but frankly, all of parenting is a sacrifice. I can't imagine making my parenting/education/life decisions based on, "What if my husband leaves me one day?"

[Jean in Newcastle]

In some ways, I wish that homeschooling wasn't so mainstream.  Then there wouldn't be pressure on people who don't really want to do homeschool to do it anyway. 

 

I really do want to homeschool.  My kids choose to homeschool once they hit middle school.  Obviously there are pros and cons to every decision including homeschooling but we've acknowledged those and for us, the pros outweigh the cons.  My kids haven't experienced B & M schools but I've taught  in local schools at all levels.  I think that I'm fairly cognizant of the pros and cons of the local public schools and of course that goes into the decision somewhat. And my kid's friends are overwhelmingly public school kids who give them a glimpse of the pros and cons for themselves. 

 

But overall, we aren't choosing to NOT do public school, as much as we are choosing TO homeschool.  I'm not trying to replicate ps at home.  I'm not trying to one-up the ps.  I'm not trying to replicate other homeschooler's experiences and to one-up them either.  The beauty of homeschooling for us is that we can tailor our choices to our family and our needs in a way that isn't possible elsewhere.  Are our tailor made adjustments perfect?  Nope.  But we aren't trying for perfection.  Not that we're trying for mediocrity!  I'm not sure how to quantify what we're trying for:  joy in this season of life? 

 

 

[ktgrok]

Not every situation involves life insurance kicking in. There can be dramatic changes in health, cancer, just major $$ shortfalls due to being in a ministry. Things happen. 

 

Oh, of course! I think my possible income plus disability, etc would be enough though. Just my income with nothing would be hard long term, but doable short term with what we have in savings and investments. 

[ktgrok]

I personally know three women who were on seemingly loving, stable marriages who were blindsided by DH leaving for his other woman. We've seen it happen on this board. Relying on DH to provide for you, forever, is a risk.

 

Very true. I do have a skill and certification, but it doesn't make a ton of money. But if DH went crazy and left me I could live with my parents for a bit to regroup, I've done it before (after a divorce) or even with my sister if need be. 

 

But these are definitely things to think about. 

[sewingmama]

I have known a few homeschoolers who put their kids back in school but they were never anti-homeschooling...and admitted it just didnt work for them because it was more of a parental time commitment then they realised or were willing to give.

 

I agree I've become somewhat anti- homeschooling in some instances. I listened too long to people who said things like "the worst day at home is better then the best day at school" and " they are so young, just let them play, dont enforce a schedule" and "relationships and religion are more important then schoolwork". Now some of these I agree with to a point...but when practiced in excess it fails so miserably.

 

This year I am being super protective of my kids time, we are not going to every playground meet or whatever unless all school is done. My kids skills were slipping steadily and now I need to fix that.

 

Luckily my kids are still young enough that with some extra catchup and dedication on my part they will be ok plus I'm committed enough to homeschooling and education to realise it is going to take major effort on my part and "shopping math at the supermarket or while cooking" is not going to do it. My DD is recently showing great interest in human anatomy, the history of medicine and how diseases occur in the body. What if she wants to become a doctor? I dont want to shut down opportunities for them because of lazy schooling methods and listening to people saying." Well how much math do you use in real life anyway? Regular people maybe not much..but a doctor..or a mathamatician or a dentist... again ...I dont want to minimise their opportunities.

 

It peeves me no end now when people say this to new homeschoolers. Yes it is ok for a 6 yo to practice math when cooking and counting change. An 11yo should be going way beyond basic fractions and adding together prices in a store.

 

And that makes me slightly anti homeschooling ...

[Crimson Wife]

I personally know three women who were on seemingly loving, stable marriages who were blindsided by DH leaving for his other woman. We've seen it happen on this board. Relying on DH to provide for you, forever, is a risk.

 

Yes, unfortunately that can happen, but the divorce rate is nowhere remotely close to the 50% that the scaremongers claim. And the majority of divorces that do occur, happen in the first decade of marriage. So those of us who are long past the 10 year mark have even a lower risk. The risk is above zero so it is important to have education and skills to fall back on in the event they're needed. But the naysayers dramatically overstate the risks.

[FaithManor]

I agree with you that it is very, very hard (also having done it). But this is one of the things that keeps me from ever crossing over entirely to the anti-hs'ing side:

 

What I provide(d) is better than the math and science that our local public school can offer. Not because I'm so great, but because our local public school is so deficient! There are schools in this country that offer less than a totally devoted homeschooling parent can provide. That's not a myth, or just a lie that we tell ourselves.

 

My sons' test scores and college experiences bear me out on this - my students were prepared when their schooled peers were not. My eldest, a commuter student, started college surrounded by local kids from the schools he would have attended if he had not been homeschooled. Nearly all of them washed out by the end of their freshman year! The students still with him in the honors college of the religion and philosophy school are not local. They came from afar, some from other countries, for the program.

 

As far as what your children are privileged to have, a private, parent-funded university model school does not compare with a failing public school. If your children have access to trigonometry, calculus, physics, world history other than "intro to civilizations" and world languages other than Spanish, they are not at all experiencing what public schooled students in too many places recognize as a high school education.

 

I'm with you 100% on the difficulty level. I don't recommend homeschooling through high school to others, either, because I know the cost. I'm still paying it, and will pay the financial price for the rest of my life! But I would do it again (and am doing it again) because we can't move and our schools are not improving. I'm still my kids' best shot.

Absolutely this!

Edited February 5, 2017 by FaithManor

[swellmomma]

I don't know anyone like that, but I will say that I am not as pro-homeschooling or anti-institutional schooling as I once was, so I could see how it would be possible.

 

This.  I have found after 10 yrs of homeschooling (prior to that the oldest were in school for a few years) that I have gotten to that point.  I am not antihomeschooling over all, I am not of the thought that it is an all or nothing endeavor either and likely should have put some of the kids into brick and mortar school sooner.  I am still opposed to institutional education in theory BUT I also know I could have saved a lot of undue stress, dysfunction, damaged relationships etc from happening if I didn't have my own head so far up my butt on this issue.