Teens and God's will Christian content obviously

[fairfarmhand]

If you were to talk to teens about finding Gods will for their lives what would you say?

 

 

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[jjeepa]

I have talked about this many times with my 18 year old ds, and I usually focus on these points:

 

1. Pray.  Seek God's will for your life by seeking Him.  Spent time both talking with God and in stillness listening for His voice.

 

2. Read Scripture.  There are plenty of very clear instructions/suggestions/commands for how we should be living while seeking out God's will for our lives.  I don't believe seeking God's will is passive...there's no waiting around to see what door opens.  While we are seeking, there is still action that can be taken.  Serve others, seek to grow in our relationship with God, honor Him by the way we life, etc.  Often, clarity comes as we do all those things. 

 

3. Journal.  Write out concerns, thoughts, insecurities, observations, vision, etc.  

 

4. Seek spiritual counsel.  Talk with a youth pastor or trusted adult who has a mature spiritual walk with the Lord.  

Edited January 20, 2017 by jjeepa

[maize]

In addition to the above, my experience has been that God often gives us just one step at a time. Teens often want answers to big questions about their future path; it seems to me that God is more willing to help us make just the decision of the moment, and we need to move forward with faith not necessarily knowing where that decision will take us.

Edited January 20, 2017 by maize

[Xahm]

I would point out that , usually, God's will is not that we hold x job in y location while married to z person. There are many, many situations that can be in God's will. How we use our opportunities and resources is generally how we are in God's will.

[VaKim]

I really like this little book.

 

https://smile.amazon.com/Just-Do-Something-Liberating-Approach/dp/0802411592/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1484923672&sr=8-1&keywords=just+do+something

[Aura]

My beliefs tend to be rather eclectic, but I have never believed that God's will is some secret that they have to figure out.

 

(1) If someone has a strong desire to do something, that is probably from God. (And by strong desire, think classic versus trendy. God-given desires are classic. Trendy wants come from self or ego.)

 

"Follow your heart" is a very good saying--as long as one learns to identify "heart" as being that still, small voice of God and not ego. If it is others-driven, then it is very likely from God. If it is self-driven, it is likely from ego.

 

Teens are very much still learning to distinguish between self/ego and God. (Many Christians term this flesh vs. spirit, so maybe you've heard of it that way.) Maybe that's why...

 

(2) Often only one step at a time is given. Given that every step taken is a learning process, as long as you're taking steps, you're learning. I would tell mine that even in retrospect, steps that seem to have been wrong are not bad, they still help you to grow. Don't be afraid to take steps.

Edited January 20, 2017 by Aura

[fairfarmhand]

You guys are saying exactly what i hope to communicate to these kids. I also believe that gods will is bigger than a single linear path and if we stray, we'll too bad, you're doomed for life.

 

 

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[fairfarmhand]

Ok. So I wrote out this list of misconceptions about God's will.  What do you think?

 

I welcome comments and feedback on this topic. I want them to know that God cares about their every day life, but sometimes young people wait for a billboard spelling it all out and waste years waiting for God to "make himself clear" spelling it all out in detail. Or they go to Bible college thinking that it's more Godly to be in ministry. Or they worry that they're chasing money if they choose a profession based upon the fact that one vocation will enable them to take care of their families better than another.

 

1. God has a single plan for everyone’s life called His Perfect Will. It includes who you will marry, what job you will do, and where you will live. If you mess up any of these decisions, you’ll never accomplish what God has for you.
2. Christians should wait until God speaks clearly before making any decisions.
3. If you have a great hobby or a passion, God will always make that into your life’s work, providing a well-paying job related to that hobby or passion.
4. God’s will always involves sacrifice and suffering.
5. A heartfelt peace means that a decision is God’s will.
6. Difficult circumstances mean that God is closing doors, so you should stop whatever you’re doing and look for something else.
7. Working in ministry is a higher calling than other “secular†jobs.
8. Making a salary, working in a job that’s well paying, or choosing a vocation based upon the pay is bad or at the very least dangerous.
9. If you make a decision that is in God’s will, you’ll be successful and happy.
10. If you have a dream or vision, that’s God’s way of confirming His will for your life.
11. You shouldn’t plan your life too far in advance, because you may not know what God’s will may be.
12. God’s will is a big secret and it’s really hard to figure out.

[Garga]

I'll throw this out there and please know that I'm aware it's just part of the whole and doesn't answer specific questions.

 

We all know exactly what God wants us to do.  And when we start doing what we already know, then perhaps God will have something specific for us that will be made clear further down the line.

 

Until then, there are many things we should be doing that we already know about.  We should be praying for each other.  We should be actively helping the poor--feeding, clothing, visiting.  We should be reading the Word.  

 

Sometimes we want to ditch those things and move on to something special just for us, but I also think that God will wait for us to be faithful in those "little" things before he gives us something specific.

 

I haven't read the book a PP posted, but I like the title: Just Do Something.  If it means what I think it means, then it means get about doing what you already know to do, and then a more tailored path just for you will become clear as you go.

 

 

Of course, this completely doesn't answer the question, "But what should my major be?"  That's why I'm just throwing it out there as just a piece of the whole.

 

ETA:  It does look like we're all saying pretty much the same thing, doesn't it?

 

 

 

Edited January 20, 2017 by Garga

[smstjohn]

This will likely be a bit scattered as I'm sort of thinking through it as I type.

 

I think God has a plan for the world and for us. I think it was in Experiencing God that it wasn't so much that we should ask God what we are supposed to be doing but to LOOK to see where God is at work and join Him in it. And I think that goes along with the catechism that says what is the chief end of man? The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

 

With those two pieces I think that is how I want to filter decisions. I want to glorify God in my profession/relationships/church life/etc. In all I do, I should do it to the glory of God. For me, that will look different than others. I think God wants us to find joy in serving Him, but I don't always think that will be easy or comfortable.

 

These are hard conversations. And while I think that there are decisions we make that are definitely not the right ones for our lives, I think those mostly fall in the obvious category. Maybe you won't do one thing that might glorify God, but it might lead to a different opportunity that didn't exist with a different choice.

[Hyacinth]

Unfortunately, so many evangelical talks start with some version of "God has a plan for your life." So the logical conclusion is that you have to figure out exactly what that is! It's anxiety-inducing and, I would argue, unbiblical.

 

I don't think we're supposed to ask God to show us the future but, rather, trust him because he holds the future. (Not an original quote; heard it in a podcast one day and saved the quote because I found it so freeing.) In that same podcast, the speaker said he found these problems with the idea of "seeking God's will":

 

It focuses our attention on non-moral decisions.

It implies that God is sneaky and meanly secretive.

It encourages preoccupation with the future (like a horoscope or a Magic 8 ball).

It undermines personal responsibility, accountability, and initiative.

It enslaves us to subjectivism (waiting for signs, feelings, etc.).

 

I'm going to try to find that podcast again because it was really freeing for me (at 40-something); I wish I would've learned similar ideas as a young person. Plus I really should give him credit here.

 

 

[ktgrok]

I know you are not Catholic, but it might be helpful to talk about the Saints, or just influential Christians, who had such a variety of lives. God works through stay at home moms, doctors, lawyers, farmers, etc etc. 

[gardenmom5]

I've mostly just encouraged them to pray for guidance - and then do the work of finding that themselves.  God doesn't just hand it to us. 

 

eg.  1ds did bounce around for awhile.  it took him awhile to actually care about what God wanted him to do.  his direction completely changed - and went a way we never would have imagined.  he also became very self-motivated. he finally decided to be serious about college - didn't know what he wanted to major in.  prayerfully - he read through the list of majors our local university offers.  one stood out out of well over a 100.  heavy math requirement - had to test into calculus to start.  he didn't do math in high school, and only went so far as statistics.  he studied on his own from spring to just before the school year started - and he tested into calculus. he's now in his 2nd year and having an absolute blast.

 

I started really pushing the "pray about what Heavenly Father wants you to do" when they were in high school, so by the time they'd graduated, they were already doing so.  we also discuss how those answers are usually made manifest.  ('cause they come in different ways.)

[6packofun]

God's will for us is laid out in His Word.  The rest is for us to decide as we listen to the Holy Spirit for any urging or exception.  That's pretty much it.  God can and does use every circumstance, choice, direction WE take and offers us opportunities to bring Him glory, share about Him with others, etc.  We need to recognize and take God up on those presented opportunities, but beyond what Scripture has laid out for us to do (Kingdom work, so to speak) we are FREE to choose.

 

A really short little book on this:  https://smile.amazon.com/Found-Gods-Will-MacArthur-Study/dp/1434702987  Short because it's not that complicated and believers need to stop making it so!  lol

[Bluegoat]

I would say that God's plan for all people is deification, or union with God.  As Christians, everything in our life is meant to help that ongoing process.  Our work and life should aid rather than inhibit this. If we marry, we are to help our spouse toward this union and move in that direction ourselves.

 

Trying to discern then isn't so much about trying to figure out the future, it is about looking at what we are doing now is in line with this end God desires for us.

[Peaceful Isle]

I'm pretty simple minded, so keep that in mind when reading this, lol.

 

I am directing my girls to stay close to God. They do morning devos, go to church, and many other religious activities. We also talk about the Lord a lot in our household.

If they are close to God, He will direct their steps. If they have a desire to do something in life, I tell them to go for it. If it isn't what He wants, he will direct their hearts. I don't make up Gods will for them.

Both my teens are very sweet and love the Lord. We aren't a extreme strict home, we let them explore passions and directions, but it all comes down to them having a real relationship with their Father. If they do, He will guide them, and it will come naturally.

[alisoncooks]

 

Ok. So I wrote out this list of misconceptions about God's will. What do you think?

Oh my. At first glance, I missed the "misconceptions" and I was all....eeeeeek!😱😱😱

 

That's what I get for multitasking... :o

[planner]

You guys are saying exactly what i hope to communicate to these kids. I also believe that gods will is bigger than a single linear path and if we stray, we'll too bad, you're doomed for life.

 

 

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I'm confused. Do you really think you're doomed for life? Your next post seems to say that you think that's a misconception. Personally, I believe in the power of the atonement that allows for repentance. I believe in forgiveness.

 

I would tell my child to pray, read scripture, listen to counsel, and serve others. I would tell my child to research options, take an option to the Lord in prayer, then listen and take action. I would also tell them not to be so afraid to make a mistake than inaction is their downfall.

[happi duck]

I like how I grew up. Love God and trust him while you do your best to be kind. God is a loving daddy you can trust.

 

As an adult I was exposed to "are you doing this *right*??" "Are you in God's will?!?" God is an easily offended monarch.

 

It screwed up my life.

 

I appreciate the "take steps" mentioned above.

 

The idea of "if you love God enough or correctly everything will be fine" has hurt me badly. When things go badly people like that bail on you or try to diagnose where you've gone wrong.

 

My family has been devastated by death and destruction and I struggle to shake the feeling that it is because God doesn't love me because I know people who attribute the tiniest things to God rewarding their faith/prayers.

 

Op, I appreciate your list of misconceptions. Sometimes talking about what something *isn't* is very helpful.

[fairfarmhand]

I'm confused. Do you really think you're doomed for life? Your next post seems to say that you think that's a misconception. Personally, I believe in the power of the atonement that allows for repentance. I believe in forgiveness.

 

I would tell my child to pray, read scripture, listen to counsel, and serve others. I would tell my child to research options, take an option to the Lord in prayer, then listen and take action. I would also tell them not to be so afraid to make a mistake than inaction is their downfall.

 

No, what I mean is that many people get mixed up thinking that God's will is a single linear path and if they mess up they;re doomed.

 

I mean to tell the kids that God's will let's us have some decision makings and we don't have to have this big worry that we'll mess up and ruin our lives.

[Guest]

I'm pretty much in line with what Bluegoat wrote above, as did others, as well--we know what God's will is for us.  

 

However, when you think about it, we do have decisions and choices to make, even as we live into God's will for us, and that is really what kids/grownups are asking.  Even if I don't ask "Is it God's will that I buy this house?" I do ask for discernment to make a wise decision.  

 

Some of it will come down to asking THIS:  If I buy this house, can I live into God's will for me?  Will I have enough time/money left to pay attention to anyone buy myself and my possessions?  extra cash to give away?  Will I live close enough so I can make it to church?  

 

So with the kids deciding on a major or a college or a job.  If I take this job, can I live into God's will for me?  Will my success depend on my telling lies or fleecing people?  Will I have enough time in my day to pay attention to anyone buy myself and my success?  Will I earn enough money to feed my family?  Will it take me away from responsibilities and obligations that I am to meet?  

 

A number of years I attended a retreat given by Dr. Gordon T. Smith at my church.  It was on this very subject, and it was exceedingly helpful to me.  I lost the notes I took, but found the book he wrote on the topic:  Listening to God in Times of Choice:  the Art of Discerning God's Will.  I am not sure that it is exactly what he spoke about, but it is pretty good.  And it's not "you have to find the one exact thing God made you to do or you are a loser"--but much more in line with what I said above.  

 

AND that said:  I found my notes!  (I'm burning all my old journals but ripping out the parts that were good or helpful....and I found this part...). Dr. Smith gave a day-long retreat, and there was a LOT of lead up to this part, so if it feels like it is shallow--it might be, given that it is only part of a much greater whole.  I put the notes of what he said in blue, below

 

Dr. Smith actually calls out the difference between awaiting the voice from heaven (calls that divination) and listening to the Holy Spirit and using the tools you have at hand.  He calls this discernment.  Here are the Three Rules for Discernment.  

 

1.  Discernment is choosing between 2 goods (not good and evil).  What good thing are You calling me to do?  What is Your best for this set of circumstances?

 

2.  Discernment is asking for the best for here and now--it is not a place to revisit the regrets or choices of the past.  Each day is a new day of grace and faithfulness.  What is God's best for me today?

 

3.  Listen, knowing that you are loved.  

 

THEN (here is the meaty bit):  

 

The Four Rules for HOW to Discern

1.  Ask:  What is happening to me emotionally?  He focuses on two kinds of emotion:  consolation and desolation.  Consolation brings joy, peace, enjoyment; it is good and noble.  Desolation brings anger (even if it is legitimate, it is still anger), fear and mourning; it is occasioned by brokenness.

 

2.  Don't make a choice in desolation.  It is a legitimate emotional state but not a good one for choosing well and confident.  Must make choices in peace.  Desolation is a response to the brokenness of the world.  Consolation is requisite to acting in faith, grace, truth.  

 

3.  Choose only in consolation...but just because you have peace does not mean God is speaking.  The evil one can masquerade as an angel of light.  The peace must be tested.  Ask:  What are my motives?  Where does this peach come from?  3Q to ask of the peace:  Is this peace fueled or sustained by a) money, financial gain, security, pleasure; b) honor, privilege, recognition; c) power, leverage, influence?

 

(And then he goes on for 2 of my handwritten pages which I am not going to re-type here to talk about these three points--eg.:  It's not a bad thing to be able to enjoy good things, creation...so on.  But having more of it isn't necessarily going to make you happier.  That sort of expansion to say where each of a, b, and c can be good but where they can also go wrong.  They are good points; it is just too much to type out.

 

4.  Don't overstate the significance of the peace God gives us.  Don't claim it as "God's Word to me...and to everyone else, too."  Let God lead others--that is not your job.  Example:  GOOD:  God gave me peace to propose to you.  WRONG:  God told me you are supposed to marry me."  See the difference?  Peace to take a step doesn't mean peace for all the potential steps down the road.  You can have peace to apply for a job, even if it is not really a job you should take...and you still might not get the job, even though you had peace in applying for it.  And don't overextend the peace.  Most decisions (not all) are "for now" not "for ever".  There are obvious exceptions to this last.

 

It has been good for me to review this; I found it extremely helpful back in the day and by the time I had lost my notes, a lot of this was baked into my life.  But I didn't have the words to put around it so I am glad I found the notes.  :0)

 

 

[BlsdMama]

If you were to talk to teens about finding Gods will for their lives what would you say?

 

 

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I believe that children are not *not* living God's will.... It isn't something they must find.  This is their lives, one day at a time.  It's that quote by C.S. Lewis:

 

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's own or one's "real" life.  The truth is, of course, that what one calls interruptions is precisely the life God is sending one day by day."

 

And if I were talking to a teen, it isn't as though there is this bolt of lightning and then must come that decision.  I think there are many decisions that the Lord has left to our free will and many that would honor Him.

 

Because, it isn't about checking Box A or Box B  - should I marry Joe or should I marry Harry?  Assuming both are Christians serving God, humbled to Him, then either Joe or Harry could each be a fine choice.  It is not the marriage - it is your willingness to serve the Lord in each day that you are given, the interactions, the relationships therein.

 

When we moved to Oregon I wondered if it was God's will.  I believe God allowed the open doors but if we had never gone, I do not believe us to have been out of God's will.  That was a choice.  But it is the life you live within those choices, day by day, that is God honoring.

 

Look at the Shorter Catechism: http://www.shortercatechism.com/

 

And so then I say think of this:  We often wonder - college, no college, X college, Y college.  Think of it this way - the man living in a third world village is not ungodly.  He may honor God, there in that village.  What is godly about that?  The way that he lives.  Not going to college is not out of the Lord's will.  

 

It is whatever work you choose to do, the choices you make, do it with a willing, grateful, cheerful heart, as one in full submission to the Lord. ;)

Teach them to dig into those scriptures, to hold close to the Lord by reading the scriptures so that they can understand His revealed will.  

[happi duck]

I'm really appreciating this thread!

 

We *used* to attend a church that made every little thing into an exhausting exercise is "seeking God's will".

 

They would pray and deliberate over things so long that the opportunity would pass by.

 

Our kids' youth group 'leader' blew off the kids under the guise of "I'm praying for direction.". So youth group just stopped meeting and fizzled out. The kids all felt fab that "God" apparently just dumped them. If she wanted to quit she should have said so! Also, no one was allowed to lead the group while she "prayed".

 

Yes, pray *but* you can keep going with things, especially things that affect others!

 

Eta: obviously this is a touchy subject for me. I guess my point is that these misconceptions can hurt onlookers.

 

.

Edited January 20, 2017 by happi duck

[Guest]

One other thing to add to what I wrote upthread:  

 

I think I might have thrown out part of my notes...because I also distinctly remember his talking about some other points to consider in discernment.  One point was that we are not to use "God's call" to get us out of something if we are the only ones who can do that something.  There are not many examples of this in reality, but I think the reason I remember it was that I was shocked at the time to learn that someone I knew had done precisely this thing:  She decided that God was calling her to leave her family behind and go be a missionary.  I will grant that she was probably not very happy in her marriage, and that she had extra responsibilities being mother to these particular children, but it was a complete cop-out.  But she did it.   She was the only one who believed that this was God's will for her life.  :::eyeroll:::

 

This extreme example hyperbolically made the point that when we have an obligation, we keep it.  BUT also, that we do not need to consider an obligation that which can (and maybe should) be done by others.  For example, I may be *asked* to run a particular program at the preschool or school my kid attends, but the fact that I have been asked does not obligate me to do this--others could do this job as well.  That's a place for discernment.  

[LMD]

I like what pps have said and I think that for most of us, doing God's will is to 'act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God' (I know, paraphrased) and to do it in the situation we are called. The verse in 1 thessalonians 4:11 about seeking to live a quiet life and work to support yourself, and about looking unto Jesus in hebrews 12:2 and seeking the kingdom of heaven first (matt 6:33) all come together in my mind as a plan for how to live.

[lllll]

nm

Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_

[fairfarmhand]

I can't tell you all what this discussion has meant to me. I'm so excited to share these things. There's so much bad theology out there around this topic.

 

Thank you thank you thank you!

 

ETA: I think what makes me so happy is to talk with people who see gods will as an amazing exciting place to be. Not an onerous puzzle to be figured out!

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Edited January 20, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[6packofun]

No, what I mean is that many people get mixed up thinking that God's will is a single linear path and if they mess up they;re doomed.

 

 

 

I think this kind of thinking goes against another doctrine that those same people would say that they believe in, namely God's sovereignty!  Do we REALLY think that if God wills something for us that we CAN mess up His plan or, conversely, do we really believe that God meticulously controls every aspect of life on earth so that we do not freely choose Him or anything else?  (I realize that since I'm not reformed I have a milder view of how God's providence actually works in the world, but still.  lol)  

 

Our worry about not doing God's will in every little thing can easily become an overestimation of our own power and ability, IMO.

[LMD]

I can't tell you all what this discussion has meant to me. I'm so excited to share these things. There's so much bad theology out there around this topic.

 

Thank you thank you thank you!

 

ETA: I think what makes me so happy is to talk with people who see gods will as an amazing exciting place to be. Not an onerous puzzle to be figured out!

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I know what you mean. Oftentimes, we overcomplicate it because we don't like the answer. Love, golden rule, look to Jesus.

[gardenmom5]

 

 

 

Unfortunately, so many evangelical talks start with some version of "God has a plan for your life." So the logical conclusion is that you have to figure out exactly what that is! It's anxiety-inducing and, I would argue, unbiblical.

 

I don't think we're supposed to ask God to show us the future but, rather, trust him because he holds the future. (Not an original quote; heard it in a podcast one day and saved the quote because I found it so freeing.) In that same podcast, the speaker said he found these problems with the idea of "seeking God's will":

 

It focuses our attention on non-moral decisions.

It implies that God is sneaky and meanly secretive.

It encourages preoccupation with the future (like a horoscope or a Magic 8 ball).

It undermines personal responsibility, accountability, and initiative.

It enslaves us to subjectivism (waiting for signs, feelings, etc.).

 

I'm going to try to find that podcast again because it was really freeing for me (at 40-something); I wish I would've learned similar ideas as a young person. Plus I really should give him credit here.

 

basically - this.  

the basic purpose of life- is to learn to be Christlike in our lives.  to love -purely, to have compassion, charity, etc.

we're encouraged to marry and have a family - but not everyone has that opportunity, even if they really really want it.  sometimes, it just doesn't happen through no fault of that person - it doesn't mean God loves them less, they just have a different path to trod.

we  are supposed to keep our eye single to God - but we also have to have somewhere to live and food to eat.  those take money and effort to acquire.  we are not the isrealites in the desert when God was trying to teach them faith.  we're expected to earn the money to buy the food and prepare it .  . that means we need a job, and we can get a better job with a decent education.  (one reason why we homeschool our children.)   God will guide us in our educational pursuits.   some will have many opportunties, others not so much.  not because one is better or God loves them more - but becasue again, we have different paths to trod.

 

I admit - I loath the "what would Jesus do . . " bracelets/etc.  because I feel it precisely does lead one to trust in themselves and their own limited wisdom, and NOT in Jesus Christ  or God's wisdom.  They may have something completely different in mind for us. 

how better is it to ask "Lord - what wilt thou have me do?"  in ___ situation.  then listen for an answer.

how many times have we been led in directions we never would have supposed if we'd relied on our own wisdom - but going where they have led us, make us greater than we'd ever have accomplished on our own.

 

I'm confused. Do you really think you're doomed for life? Your next post seems to say that you think that's a misconception. Personally, I believe in the power of the atonement that allows for repentance. I believe in forgiveness.

 

I would tell my child to pray, read scripture, listen to counsel, and serve others. I would tell my child to research options, take an option to the Lord in prayer, then listen and take action. I would also tell them not to be so afraid to make a mistake than inaction is their downfall.

 

This.  the Lord performed the atonement so we can repent.  repentance is a gift.  a gift given out of love.  it is for the little daily pettiness that come into our lives to as much as the big stuff.  (I'm sorry if I'm not clear or people feel I'm leaving things. out.)  not as a punishment - but an eraser so we can start afresh as we strive to be better and more Christlike.  I believe the atonement and repentance are about God's great love for us.  it's there to help us.

 

as we, and our children, stay close to Him - we are aware.  sometimes, one step at a time going into the dark with only His light to guide us.  if we are listening - He'll let us know when we need to turn. 

we are here to progress.  we can't progress if we won't move forward, and we can't move forward without risking a mistake.   and . . we circle around to the gift of the atonement - so we can move forward doing our sincere best, and knowing if we will sincerely repent when we do wrong, the Savior will wipe it clean.

it we insist on doing things perfectly and if we fail we're forever lost - where is our faith in HIm?  or our belief in His love for us?