JAWM/venting: commiserate with annoying get-together stories here

[Rebel Yell]

Sometimes, it only takes .00000000000000001 milliseconds for certain relatives to get on my nerves.

 

Today is no exception.

 

Nothing evil, nothing really bad, just very very annoying.

 

I'm really looking forward to church tonight. They're coming to church with us, then leaving from there.

 

I'll be OK, just needed to vent and I have nobody IRL.

 

Anybody else? You can get through this, we're here for each other. :grouphug:

[Rebel Yell]

OH DEAR FLAMING GOODNESS ITS CHRISTMAS!!! Can we NOT discuss our ingrown toenails?

 

I'm seriously wishing we could have drunken raging political battles instead.

 

REALLY!

[BarbecueMom]

Okay, give me about six hours and I'll be back to share in the misery. Six hours of rehashing every single inside joke and funny thing ever said by anyone ever. And my mother trying way too hard to invent disasters to recall at future gatherings. And my uncle randomly deciding mid conversation that we are all talking about characters in the Wheel of Time books. Except we weren't/aren't/won't.

[TheReader]

This year we had a good get-together with my sister and mom, so no new stories. Last year at Thanksgiving, though, my mom regaled us with stories of her suicide attempts and hospitalizations, in front of all her grandkids. It was awesome. Not.

 

This year we don't gather with my dad and stepmom, which would be story-laden, I am sure. Only story from them this year is the previously discussed "send us one of your kids to visit, as our Xmas gift to him" story. I may have more after we open their gifts....

 

The one I am dreading is SIL, who very possibly might buy my DH/her brother a gag gift, which he will find funny and I will find horribly annoying and offensive. Not that the gift itself will be offensive, but the fact she buys it, if she does, will be offensive because it will be done, not to make DH laugh, but to annoy me as she knows my objections to said gag gift. DH thinks she won't get him this item, but I am not so sure. Hopefully I have a vent free Christmas this year.

[displace]

At least at church you won't have to interact much.

 

Is it wrong to be amused somewhat by these stories?

[Rebel Yell]

At least at church you won't have to interact much.

 

Is it wrong to be amused somewhat by these stories?

A merry heart doeth good, like strong medicine

 

Checking in here and laughing keeps me from being rude to my guests. I pop into my room, then head back out with a smile.

 

Because I can't start drinking yet. Wassail!

[JFSinIL]

That is why a spontaneous headache or tummy ache, so you need to go hide away from folks, can be a lifesaver. No one can question it, and you get to take a break from annoying folks.

Edited December 24, 2016 by JFSinIL

[Sara in AZ]

Just those heavy, shuffling footsteps of MIL coming down the hall as I'm hiding out in my room doing a little wrapping. I knew she was going to open my closed door and barge in. I knew it. "Just wondering where people are", she says. I can hear all the people. In the family room. Why did you have to come in here?

[marbel]

I won't have any stories till Tuesday.  

 

For some reason my husband and I thought it would be a great idea to drive 12 hours to his parents' place the day after Christmas.  We are trying to do as much prep and packing tonight as we can so we can have a relaxing day tomorrow.  

 

Monday night we'll get in late.  The real fun will start Tuesday morning.  They are not bad people.  I read and hear about some folks' "toxic" relatives and they are not like that. But they are still hard for other reasons.  And oh the boredom as we sit around their place while they talk about college football (no interest on our end, and never has been) and people that maybe my husband might have met when he was 10.   With the weather channel for background noise. 

 

One day I swear I'm going to put my husband on a plane so he can go alone.  Maybe next year, when the kids will be fully functional as far as driving, etc. and don't have to go. 

 

Who knows though, maybe this will be the year my FIL has finally figured out that none of us eat bananas, thanks anyway, and he can stop offering.  We've only been refusing for about 18 years...   And yes we know they are high in potassium.  

Edited December 25, 2016 by marbel

[BigMamaBird]

Okay, give me about six hours and I'll be back to share in the misery. Six hours of rehashing every single inside joke and funny thing ever said by anyone ever. And my mother trying way too hard to invent disasters to recall at future gatherings. And my uncle randomly deciding mid conversation that we are all talking about characters in the Wheel of Time books. Except we weren't/aren't/won't.

 

Um . . . I'm on WoT book #4, I volunteer as tribute to come entertain your Uncle!

[JumpyTheFrog]

Just got back from seeing more of DH's family. I always thought it strange they didn't tell "dinosaur stories" (stories about their younger years) like my grandparents did. After all these years, I finally got to hear some, and now I sort of wish I didn't. DH's great-great grandpa may have murdered a few people (some local gang members who tried to shake down all the new immigrants). Plus plenty of stories about the terrible tempers of various men in the family and the local people they got into fights with or beat up for various reasons. DH and I also never knew that FIL and one of his brothers were shills in big stake poker games to rip gamblers off. FIL once was chosen to be the one to deliver $260,000 cash to the person who hired them as shills. He was selected because he was carrying a gun.

 

After hearing more about all the terrible tempers and fighting, DH occasionally yelling at the kids doesn't seem so bad.

[theelfqueen]

I just had a collapsing-on-my-parents' kitchen floor asthma attack. So that's fun.

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[Rebel Yell]

I just had a collapsing-on-my-parents' kitchen floor asthma attack. So that's fun.

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Oh my gosh, are you OK?

 

And more importantly ;) will THIS be the topic of conversation for all future Christmas gatherings?

[Rebel Yell]

Home from church!

 

I survived.

 

And I didn't even blink when a certain someone's cell phone started ringing just as DH was asking the blessing for our meal. (No, this wasn't a teen. Teens don't get actual cell phone calls. Senior citizens do. And they have their ringer set to a bazillion decibels.)

Edited December 25, 2016 by Rebel Yell

[Guest]

That is why a spontaneous headache or tummy ache, so you need to go hide away from folks, can be a lifesaver. No one can question it, and you get to take a break from annoying folks.

I used to think this about nursing babies/toddlers who are difficult to bed down alone. I loved that excuse. That got me out of the tail end or several dozen family dinners. Alas, at 19, 17, and 12 this excuse no longer works!

[BarbecueMom]

I made it. My ears are still ringing. Partly from extended family who talk loudly over each other, partly from my own children who seem to have lost their ever loving minds (and volume control, and manners...).

 

The only bizarre and annoying moment was when I was telling my mom about an early Christmas gift DH gave me last night. It was an electric blanket, and he laid it out flat, then wrapped it. I thought it was funny, but my mom got all weird and didn't want to talk about it anymore. I finally realized she was butt-hurt at the idea that I violated sacred tradition and opened a present BEFORE Christmas morning. Never mind that it was between DH and me and had nothing to do with her.

 

At least she didn't make a scene or anything. Argh. People are so weird about "traditions".

[HomeAgain]

No get together.  We're on our own this year.  May I vent anyway?

 

Dh's family gets together every year.  With him gone it is even more of an irritation to watch how his parents treat our children comparatively to their cousins.  Yay for another holiday of:
-ignoring them

-hanging up (hey, at least the oldest got a two minute conversation after he called his grandmother instead of like when he called at Thanksgiving)

-treating them as an annual bill. 

 

 

And dh doesn't see why I get so mama bear over the idea of stopping to visit on our move.

 

My Christmas wish that will never happen:
-their grandparents will call THEM

-they will be celebrated: their triumphs and attempts.

-they will be loved by those who should love them

-they will be simply remembered.  Birthdays and holidays will not pass unnoticed.

-they will be understood. That this year is hard on them, and the more love they have, the better.

 

 

I really must delete social media, but that would give them absolutely no access to pictures and information about the children they forget.

 

Edited December 25, 2016 by HomeAgain

[FaithManor]

Where to begin?

 

Passive Aggressive sister being really difficult to deal with. Apparently my dish - literally the serving bowl - was too fancy for the casual dinner so I "apparently" embarassed my mother because she was not using her fine china. From then on out she constantly pointed out wild, crazy assertions about everything I did or said. So I went and sat in a corner by the tree and for two hours did nothing but play with my grandson which made her proclaim to everyne that I was deliberately antisocial. She was cruel to my daughter - sister is anti vax - and loudly proclaimed to the whole group that dd was a bad mother for having grandbaby vaccinated.

 

My dna donor went off on my boys about attending "the devil's playground" ie. secular universities.

 

My mother kept going off with my sister and whispering in the corner, glaring at my husband who was trying to help in the kitchen - this after fixing their hot water heater that morning when they woke up and had no hotwater.

 

My sister in law was asked to lead the group in singing carols. She fancies herself a Mariah Carey wannabe but cannot actually sing well. She was all over the map vocally, changed key signatures constantly, went flat very often and since no one could follow everyone gave up singing.

 

My dna donor was very, very weak so he had little to say which was a blessing, but my sister hovered and then got angry when other people did not hover over him.

 

Nephew made the comment that he and his fiance rarely read to their one year old child due to working opposite shifts to keep her out of daycare so they are pretty worn out and sleep schedules are wonky. Thus my sister in law, who has ZERO relationship with her stepson somehow thought it her place to lecture him loudly about it.

 

My mother announced that if they cannot sell enough inventory at their failing business in the next month to pay off their line of credit, the bank is coming for the house so they will need to move in with us. I told her we would discuss this later, and privately but she refused to drop it so I ended up having to say in front of several other people that dh and I would let her live with us, but he would have to go to a hospice facility or nursing home, whatever medicare would pay for. So ya, I was the evil one on Christmas.

 

Sigh....

 

But despite all of that, I am okay tonight. I was kind, and did my best. My grandson is a delight, pure joy, and my kids rose above it all.

 

We have a private Christmas tomorrow with mother in law who has been wonderful. Just dh and I, mil, our kids, and grandbaby. No crazy, no drama.

 

My dna contributor will likely not live much longer. Next year for Christmas I do not expect my sister to be her since it costs her so much to fly at the holidays. Dh and I are hoping to do a "destination" Christmas. We will pay for it. Likely dinner at a ski lodge and an afternoon playing board games around the fireplace. Since most of the relatives will not pay to stay at the lodge, we should be left with just our kids, dd's hubby, and grandson plus the two grandmothers assuming my mom is still maintaining and can go along. Ten people, two suites. Dinner for maybe 20 at most so not cheap but doable since we would not be buying gifts for extended family. I am already looking forward to the change.

[Garga]

I started out dreading the visit with the in-laws, but my nephews came through. They're almost 18 and 23 and don't make small judgy statements whenever they talk or try to one-up everyone in the room. I had a lovely time giving everyone else juuuust enough attention to seem like I was engaged, but I was really ignoring everyone except the nephews and my kids. I think I pulled it off.

[Luckymama]

Older dd timed it--21 minutes from walking through the door until the "so what are you doing after graduation?" question.

 

:rolleyes:

[madteaparty]

No get together. We're on our own this year. May I vent anyway?

 

Dh's family gets together every year. With him gone it is even more of an irritation to watch how his parents treat our children comparatively to their cousins. Yay for another holiday of:

-ignoring them

-hanging up (hey, at least the oldest got a two minute conversation after he called his grandmother instead of like when he called at Thanksgiving)

-treating them as an annual bill.

 

 

And dh doesn't see why I get so mama bear over the idea of stopping to visit on our move.

 

My Christmas wish that will never happen:

-their grandparents will call THEM

-they will be celebrated: their triumphs and attempts.

-they will be loved by those who should love them

-they will be simply remembered. Birthdays and holidays will not pass unnoticed.

-they will be understood. That this year is hard on them, and the more love they have, the better.

 

 

I really must delete social media, but that would give them absolutely no access to pictures and information about the children they forget.

I'm sorry . Your kids don't need them though, they have you. I think that stuff is harder on us as parents...

[madteaparty]

Older dd timed it--21 minutes from walking through the door until the "so what are you doing after graduation?" question.

 

:rolleyes:

Why, "art and baleful sorcery" natch.

http://community.sparknotes.com/2016/11/21/shakespeare-quotes-for-when-your-relatives-ask-what-youre-doing-with-your-life

[HomeAgain]

I'm sorry . Your kids don't need them though, they have you. I think that stuff is harder on us as parents...

 

Thank you.  I think you're right.  The hardest part for me, though, is they do not know what they are missing.  Dh and I have protected them well thus far from seeing the comparison.  But it means the 6yo doesn't know them at all and the teen wants to, but feels rebuffed.  He's my pleaser, though, and keeps trying.

[madteaparty]

Thank you. I think you're right. The hardest part for me, though, is they do not know what they are missing. Dh and I have protected them well thus far from seeing the comparison. But it means the 6yo doesn't know them at all and the teen wants to, but feels rebuffed. He's my pleaser, though, and keeps trying.

Oh I know. Some of it may be beyond their capacity to get, and people tend to shun what might confuse and amaze them. Pity for them,as you say.

[PollyOR]

OH DEAR FLAMING GOODNESS ITS CHRISTMAS!!! Can we NOT discuss our ingrown toenails?

 

I'm seriously wishing we could have drunken raging political battles instead.

 

REALLY!

 

 

OMG!  Lol!  That would be me!  My dad was a plumber and my mom a nurse.  We used to talk about STD's around the dinner table.    My in-laws don't even tell off color jokes.  They are lovely people, honestly.

 

Last year my sister-in-law (whom they love) and I started talking at dinner about our chickens and how our dogs eat the chicken poop.  It got really quiet at the table - ROFLOL!  We changed the subject.

[CadenceSophia]

I have no family here so real stories this time of year but my one little vent:

 

I opened MIL's gift to DH today to wrap it for him (as requested, it was direct shipped) and realized she got him the same thing I did. So that sinks and I am generally annoyed and pouty about it. Probably should not let MIL annoy me from a distance but I am not feeling very reasonable tonight:(

 

I guess he is still doing better than me. DH didn't get me any Christmas presents this year, or birthday presents (which was a couple days ago). And I know why and we talked about it and it's totally fine but I am still feeling a little sad I won't have any presents at all to open tomorrow.

[Miss Peregrine]

Dh and I don't exchange gifts. At least we didn't until last year. He saw my face drop when BIL was talking about the gifts he bought for SIL. I wasn't jealous, just sad that Dh is such a terrible gift giver. He asked if I was sad that we don't exchange gifts and I said a lttle. He ended up buying me gifts and I still didn't get him anything. This year I reminded him that we weren't exchanging gifts and instead he made a production of going shopping. I did not get him anything again and I know I will feel badly again.

 

At this point I feel like him continuing to get gifts is an attempt to make me look bad.

[Miss Peregrine]

Another. Ds18's present for dd14 is some chocolate peanut butter candy. She is allergic to peanuts. He remembers this right now at 1 am while wrapping presents.

Edited December 25, 2016 by Miss Peregrine

[Grover]

Sigh, the narcissist got me.  Through a child, even worse.  When will I learn not to give her an in?  The child is ok, just confused.  I am frustratted and sad.

[Miss Peregrine]

Sigh, the narcissist got me. Through a child, even worse. When will I learn not to give her an in? The child is ok, just confused. I am frustratted and sad.

That stinks. I'm sorry. It happens so suddenly.

[happi duck]

(hugs) y'all.

[saw]

Made it through Christmas morning, thank goodness. I have spent literally every single Christmas of my life with my parents (bar last year's, when they finally agreed not to show up). Not just one day, but they come for at least two weeks (thank heavens we have a small place so they need to stay at the hotel round the corner). It's not that they do anything that's so bad, just that I feel like I have to allow them come. One year they agreed not to, but then called last minute and said they knew we agreed they would not show up but they really wanted to. It has made it difficult for us to develop our own traditions as we are always trying to accommodate them. I'm so over this. I blanking hate Christmas now because of them. They are ALWAYS here. 

Then one of my children was up until 3 or 4 texting with a friend -- I have had multiple conversations about not staying up too late to text friends but DC said that this was an important conversation (which I assumed meant friend was having a hard time and needed a friendly ear, so I said fine but please don't make it too late). This DC then wandered off in the middle of present-opening and fell asleep, waking up only after everyone was done with presents. When I said (oh so calmly and gently) that I was a bit annoyed and that I felt like we had discussed texting in the middle of the night and had an agreement on this, DC got very upset about this that and everything. Turns out friend was not having a hard time but they were chatting about books or something. 

So ready to take down that darn tree and clean up and make plans for next year, when I will be going away for Christmas and not telling my parents where we are going (because they have in the past invited themselves along on vacations). 

So over this. 

[Guest]

:grouphug: FaithManor. You are handling it with so much more grace than I could muster! 

 

Where to begin?

Passive Aggressive sister being really difficult to deal with. Apparently my dish - literally the serving bowl - was too fancy for the casual dinner so I "apparently" embarassed my mother because she was not using her fine china. From then on out she constantly pointed out wild, crazy assertions about everything I did or said. So I went and sat in a corner by the tree and for two hours did nothing but play with my grandson which made her proclaim to everyne that I was deliberately antisocial. She was cruel to my daughter - sister is anti vax - and loudly proclaimed to the whole group that dd was a bad mother for having grandbaby vaccinated.

My dna donor went off on my boys about attending "the devil's playground" ie. secular universities.

My mother kept going off with my sister and whispering in the corner, glaring at my husband who was trying to help in the kitchen - this after fixing their hot water heater that morning when they woke up and had no hotwater.

My sister in law was asked to lead the group in singing carols. She fancies herself a Mariah Carey wannabe but cannot actually sing well. She was all over the map vocally, changed key signatures constantly, went flat very often and since no one could follow everyone gave up singing.

My dna donor was very, very weak so he had little to say which was a blessing, but my sister hovered and then got angry when other people did not hover over him.

Nephew made the comment that he and his fiance rarely read to their one year old child due to working opposite shifts to keep her out of daycare so they are pretty worn out and sleep schedules are wonky. Thus my sister in law, who has ZERO relationship with her stepson somehow thought it her place to lecture him loudly about it.

My mother announced that if they cannot sell enough inventory at their failing business in the next month to pay off their line of credit, the bank is coming for the house so they will need to move in with us. I told her we would discuss this later, and privately but she refused to drop it so I ended up having to say in front of several other people that dh and I would let her live with us, but he would have to go to a hospice facility or nursing home, whatever medicare would pay for. So ya, I was the evil one on Christmas.

Sigh....

But despite all of that, I am okay tonight. I was kind, and did my best. My grandson is a delight, pure joy, and my kids rose above it all.

We have a private Christmas tomorrow with mother in law who has been wonderful. Just dh and I, mil, our kids, and grandbaby. No crazy, no drama.

My dna contributor will likely not live much longer. Next year for Christmas I do not expect my sister to be her since it costs her so much to fly at the holidays. Dh and I are hoping to do a "destination" Christmas. We will pay for it. Likely dinner at a ski lodge and an afternoon playing board games around the fireplace. Since most of the relatives will not pay to stay at the lodge, we should be left with just our kids, dd's hubby, and grandson plus the two grandmothers assuming my mom is still maintaining and can go along. Ten people, two suites. Dinner for maybe 20 at most so not cheap but doable since we would not be buying gifts for extended family. I am already looking forward to the change.

 

[FaithManor]

Celebrated Nathan's first Christmas this morning. We are all cozy at dear mother in law's. She is such a blessing!

 

We are having fun, enjoying each other, watching baby play with new toys, joking, so relaxed.

 

We will remain here hiding out from the crazy.

[mommyoffive]

Wish me luck for tomorrow.