Anyone with a seriously depressed teen I need advice.( may delete, feeling exposed)

[hornblower]

I will delete this comment later if you like but....have the drs been considering or talking to you about schizophrenia? 

[Joyofsixreboot]

I will delete this comment later if you like but....have the drs been considering or talking to you about schizophrenia?

Yes, And psychosis. And borderline personality. But she is oriented to the world, answers with humor and intelligence when she will talk. She doesn't have any of the things they look for leading up to this. Her descent has been so rapid! I broke my own rules and looked at her texts, messages, pictures, etc. they were all oriented and appropriate. Nothing dark. Nothing confused. She is just set that it is her life and just like she can choose a job she can choose death. The scholarship notifications keep coming in the mail and that darn near is breaking my heart.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'm so sorry  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  I have no advice whatsoever, but I couldn't read and not post. I'm thinking about your family and hoping that you all find a path through this.

 

[Frances]

You, your daughter, and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time. I know it's easier said than done, but your children need to understand that anyone who does not support your family during this difficult time, instead choosing to make things worse through gossip or other means, are just not worth any time or thought or consideration. You are a loving, supportive family doing the absolute best you can for your daughter and good, worthwhile people will support you.

[Terabith]

Could she try college?

[ktgrok]

Ugh, i'm so sorry! Have they checked for things like Lyme disease, and other physical things that can effect the brain?

 

Butmostly, I'm praying and sending love. You are doing the best you can. We can't fix our kids, all we can do is love them. 

[FriedClams]

((((Hugs))))) just prayed for her, and you and hoping things turn around and a riot can be found. You must be terrified. Please know we're here for you.

[ktgrok]

Wilson's disease is rare, but she is the right age for symptoms to start, which can be pyschological. Lyme disease, toxoplasmosis, and some other parasites can cause psychological symptoms as well. 

[ktgrok]

This may also help: http://www.continuingedcourses.net/active/courses/course067.php

 

Also, could you seek guardianship of her? That would keep you involved in her medical care.

[MaryMak07]

So sorry!! Prayers for your daughter and family!!

 

Do mental health issues run in your family or is this completely out of no where? Either way I'm sure it's been so difficult to deal with such a sudden onset.

 

So sorry you're having to go through all of this!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I will make this my last post as things are on an obvious downward spiral. I just need to vent one more time. They did an MRI yesterday to rule out a physical cause. She has the team stumped. No family history, no evidence of drug use, great grades, popular, absolutely no trouble with the law but getting steadily worse. She consented to see me last evening but became verbally and physically abusive. Was then verbally abusive to her psychiatrist. She refused her meds. She says she is going to sign out AMA and find a homeless shelter. Or just sleep outside. It is 20 degrees and she has no coat. The doctor feels we will have to put her into a long term facility against her will. From late September to now seems like such a fast descent and it really feels like a death. Please continue to pray. I don't know how I will get through removing her from school and returning her gear, telling family and friends and keeping life tolerable for her siblings. This is a small community with a giant gossip mill. It will be hard for them.

I am continuing to pray.  I know that this is so hard.  I went months without sleep because I was terrified that my child would not be with us in the morning (or that I would wake up to the house on fire.  Yes, it does feel like a death.  Only there is no closure ... you are living with that fresh every day because as long as they are still on this earth, there is hope ... that gets dashed on a daily basis.  I wish no other parent had to go through this.  I ache for you. 

 

One of the hardest things for us was to tell family and friends.  For the longest time, I tried to respect their privacy, but we came to a point where things were too obvious and we had to let people know that this was mental illness talking.   I am grateful for my brother who has been a voice of reason and compassion with my family who really don't get it.  They no longer see my kid as the crazy one to get away from, but someone who just needs to be treated as normal as possible, trying to understand they pain they are in.  One of the most positive things you can do is to not hide from this.  Do not treat this as shameful.  Do not tolerate stigma.  You have done nothing wrong.  Remind people that this is an illness, and your child needs compassion, not gossip and judgement.  Hold your head high.  Yes, there will be people who will not understand.  My support network of IRL friends has more or less evaporated.  People tell me that they are praying for me, but I rarely see them.  While you may have a strong urge to protect your other children, probably the best thing you can do for them is to have their back and help them to live their lives with confidence. 

 

As far as school is concerned ... I skimmed back and am unclear ... is she still a high school student?  Can you have her on medical leave from school?  Just trying to make sure she isn't seen as a drop out. 

 

I will delete this comment later if you like but....have the drs been considering or talking to you about schizophrenia? 

That thought was simmering in my head.  This is something can and does appear somewhat suddenly and this is about the right age.  We don't have anyone in our family with that diagnosis ... the only mental illness in our family has been depression ... mostly me. 

 

Yes, And psychosis. And borderline personality. But she is oriented to the world, answers with humor and intelligence when she will talk. She doesn't have any of the things they look for leading up to this. Her descent has been so rapid! I broke my own rules and looked at her texts, messages, pictures, etc. they were all oriented and appropriate. Nothing dark. Nothing confused. She is just set that it is her life and just like she can choose a job she can choose death. The scholarship notifications keep coming in the mail and that darn near is breaking my heart.

People who are really intelligent can hide their illness for a pretty long time.  K went from an over achieving, brilliant kid to a quiet, withdrawn kid who finally shared gender confusion and suicidal thoughts (at least this came on at age 17 instead of 18.)  After 6 months of being mostly stable, after 2 months at college, they had a rapid spiral downward.  Because they were away at school and because they are so damn smart, they were able to hide their illness from most people. 

 

Can you notify the scholarship people and let them know that you may have to defer due to illness?  I don't know what they would say.  But, if things are this bad, you may need to grieve what may have been and try to adjust to a new reality (and this is a process ... I am grieving every day because every day I cling to hope of salvaging some of the future that we all had in mind for K and each day I am adjusting that hope.    For us, we know that K will not be living on their own and probably not be able to attend college full-time for some time ... if they can at all.  Our kids are older so we are not in the position of having to force K to live elsewhere (despite me wanting it sometimes ... or at least me living somewhere else in my moments of desperation.) 

 

Keep looking for resources.  And please remember ... it is her illness talking. 

[Joyofsixreboot]

I am continuing to pray. I know that this is so hard. I went months without sleep because I was terrified that my child would not be with us in the morning (or that I would wake up to the house on fire. Yes, it does feel like a death. Only there is no closure ... you are living with that fresh every day because as long as they are still on this earth, there is hope ... that gets dashed on a daily basis. I wish no other parent had to go through this. I ache for you.

 

One of the hardest things for us was to tell family and friends. For the longest time, I tried to respect their privacy, but we came to a point where things were too obvious and we had to let people know that this was mental illness talking. I am grateful for my brother who has been a voice of reason and compassion with my family who really don't get it. They no longer see my kid as the crazy one to get away from, but someone who just needs to be treated as normal as possible, trying to understand they pain they are in. One of the most positive things you can do is to not hide from this. Do not treat this as shameful. Do not tolerate stigma. You have done nothing wrong. Remind people that this is an illness, and your child needs compassion, not gossip and judgement. Hold your head high. Yes, there will be people who will not understand. My support network of IRL friends has more or less evaporated. People tell me that they are praying for me, but I rarely see them. While you may have a strong urge to protect your other children, probably the best thing you can do for them is to have their back and help them to live their lives with confidence.

 

As far as school is concerned ... I skimmed back and am unclear ... is she still a high school student? Can you have her on medical leave from school? Just trying to make sure she isn't seen as a drop out.

 

That thought was simmering in my head. This is something can and does appear somewhat suddenly and this is about the right age. We don't have anyone in our family with that diagnosis ... the only mental illness in our family has been depression ... mostly me.

 

People who are really intelligent can hide their illness for a pretty long time. K went from an over achieving, brilliant kid to a quiet, withdrawn kid who finally shared gender confusion and suicidal thoughts (at least this came on at age 17 instead of 18.) After 6 months of being mostly stable, after 2 months at college, they had a rapid spiral downward. Because they were away at school and because they are so damn smart, they were able to hide their illness from most people.

 

Can you notify the scholarship people and let them know that you may have to defer due to illness? I don't know what they would say. But, if things are this bad, you may need to grieve what may have been and try to adjust to a new reality (and this is a process ... I am grieving every day because every day I cling to hope of salvaging some of the future that we all had in mind for K and each day I am adjusting that hope. For us, we know that K will not be living on their own and probably not be able to attend college full-time for some time ... if they can at all. Our kids are older so we are not in the position of having to force K to live elsewhere (despite me wanting it sometimes ... or at least me living somewhere else in my moments of desperation.)

 

Keep looking for resources. And please remember ... it is her illness talking.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am adrift but sadly not alone. She is a senior in high school she functions well there and reports it is the only place she is happy. She wants to go back. Today or tomorrow we have a family session to determine if she will agree to a safety plan. Weirdly she might come home or she might be committed. That seems like such a gap. I am trying to accept I have no control but for a " fixer" and problem solver that is hard.

[purplejackmama]

How are you tonight?

[Joyofsixreboot]

How are you tonight?

My 3 youngest kids and I did a group counseling session which helped a lttle. She has called me to make requests for clothes and books and school work. She wasn't warm but was appropriate. She had friendly conversations with her sibs on the phone. Tomorrow we have a family therapy session with her, dh and I to determine if she can go home. She is still angry at me and the therapists they say. She openly says she wants to be angry and it's her choice. Lots more but mostly I'm trudging because I have to. Thank you for asking. The support helps.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thinking of you today.  Hope things are getting better.  It can feel like a rollercoaster when your child is in crisis.

[NorthwestMom]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[purplejackmama]

Just checking in on you. Did you have the group session today? How did it go? You are thought of often.

 

Hugs.

[NorthwestMom]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I really hope things went as well as can be expected.

[Joyofsixreboot]

We had our family session yesterday. Either she is a great actress, the medicine is working or both but after discussion she is home. Her final diagnosis is major depression with psychosis. The doctor feels the ssri's she was on we're making things worse. She is on zyprexa a which treats schizophrenia, bi-polar and a host of other things. We have an initial appointment with another psych on 12/22. I hate that the wait to see people is so long. I want her to have support NOW! I have no illusions that this is going to go smoothly but at least she is vastly improved from last Friday. Continued prayers please. The Hive's support has been so helpful to me. Thank you.

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug: Still praying :grouphug:

 

 

[Joyofsixreboot]

:grouphug: Still praying :grouphug:

Thank you.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[Soror]

Still thinking of you, hoping and praying that the positive changes is lasting and from the meds.

[Heatherwith4]

Praying. :grouphug:

[displace]

Praying things are stable for her and your family.

[ktgrok]

You know, that kind of makes sense....it wouldn't be that abnormal for a girl her age to experience depression, and maybe it WAS those meds that led to the psychosis. That makes as much sense as anything! Hoping and praying that is the case, and the change of meds does the trick. 

[swimmermom3]

I am continuing to pray.  I know that this is so hard.  I went months without sleep because I was terrified that my child would not be with us in the morning (or that I would wake up to the house on fire.  Yes, it does feel like a death.  Only there is no closure ... you are living with that fresh every day because as long as they are still on this earth, there is hope ... that gets dashed on a daily basis.  I wish no other parent had to go through this.  I ache for you. 

 

One of the hardest things for us was to tell family and friends.  For the longest time, I tried to respect their privacy, but we came to a point where things were too obvious and we had to let people know that this was mental illness talking.   I am grateful for my brother who has been a voice of reason and compassion with my family who really don't get it.  They no longer see my kid as the crazy one to get away from, but someone who just needs to be treated as normal as possible, trying to understand they pain they are in.  One of the most positive things you can do is to not hide from this.  Do not treat this as shameful.  Do not tolerate stigma.  You have done nothing wrong.  Remind people that this is an illness, and your child needs compassion, not gossip and judgement.  Hold your head high.  Yes, there will be people who will not understand.  My support network of IRL friends has more or less evaporated.  People tell me that they are praying for me, but I rarely see them.  While you may have a strong urge to protect your other children, probably the best thing you can do for them is to have their back and help them to live their lives with confidence. 

 

As far as school is concerned ... I skimmed back and am unclear ... is she still a high school student?  Can you have her on medical leave from school?  Just trying to make sure she isn't seen as a drop out. 

 

That thought was simmering in my head.  This is something can and does appear somewhat suddenly and this is about the right age.  We don't have anyone in our family with that diagnosis ... the only mental illness in our family has been depression ... mostly me. 

 

People who are really intelligent can hide their illness for a pretty long time.  K went from an over achieving, brilliant kid to a quiet, withdrawn kid who finally shared gender confusion and suicidal thoughts (at least this came on at age 17 instead of 18.)  After 6 months of being mostly stable, after 2 months at college, they had a rapid spiral downward.  Because they were away at school and because they are so damn smart, they were able to hide their illness from most people. 

 

Can you notify the scholarship people and let them know that you may have to defer due to illness?  I don't know what they would say.  But, if things are this bad, you may need to grieve what may have been and try to adjust to a new reality (and this is a process ... I am grieving every day because every day I cling to hope of salvaging some of the future that we all had in mind for K and each day I am adjusting that hope.    For us, we know that K will not be living on their own and probably not be able to attend college full-time for some time ... if they can at all.  Our kids are older so we are not in the position of having to force K to live elsewhere (despite me wanting it sometimes ... or at least me living somewhere else in my moments of desperation.) 

 

Keep looking for resources.  And please remember ... it is her illness talking. 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: E, I think about you and your son often.  My mother often reminds me that what she learned as a breast cancer survivor applies to mental illness as well: there is a new "normal."  I want the child that I had before all of this began, but that its not possible and the one I have needs my love and support. Holding you and the OP in my heart.

[happi duck]

(hugs)

[purplejackmama]

How are you?

[PollyOR]

I'm sorry if someone has already mentioned this ... after all the meds my family members have tried, I did not know that it can sometimes take 7-9 weeks for antidepressant to actually work.  My daughter was suicidal last year.  It was the worst two months of my life waiting for the drugs to kick in.  The psychiatrist finally added a mood stabilizer  (quetiapine) which worked much more quickly.  In my opinion it saved her life.  It kept her balanced long enough for the antidepressant to finally work.  Life is not perfect but she is alive and finally working towards goals.

 

:grouphug:   Big, big hugs!  It is a helpless feeling to watch your child make such choices.

[FriedClams]

(((Hugs)))) we're here for you. You don't have to ride the roller coaster alone.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Thank you all so much. Here's an update. She has been home 6 days and on meds for 13. She has thrown herself back into school full force. She returned Friday and made up 9 missed days of work in 3. She is upset that she will probably lose valedictorian because she just couldn't make everything up as well as she would like. Finals are today and tomorrow and the stress is showing on her. I think she is moving at a crazy busy pace to keep her thoughts at bay. I have serious concerns about that. She worked Saturday and Sunday and had a basketball game last night. That all sounds good but that is the pace she was moving while suicidal.. She does say she thinks the meds are helping her " think straight." Yesterday we finally got to do registration at the mental health center. She talked to a counselor for about 10 minutes ( sigh). She refused group therapy. She says that in the hospital it just made her angry. I let it go. She has another counseling session 1/3 and a psychiatrist appointment 2/14. We are strained but she hasn't been rude. I'm anxious and worried and think she should 1. Slow down and 2. Admit something is wrong. Baby steps. Some days better than others. She did agree to me doling out her meds and signed papers so I can make her appointments. The big thing I notice is pre-hospital she never went to school not " done" but yesterday and today she wore no make up. I pray she doesn't slide down again. That rambled but I need to unload all this worry and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. Truly!

[happi duck]

(hugs)

[displace]

Sending good thoughts.

[Terabith]

The busyness can be a sign of problems, but I also understand trying to make up work/ time of year/ etc. It sounds like she is trying, and this is a very high pressure year in her life. I can understand not wanting to admit something is wrong. What's the point?

[Joyofsixreboot]

The busyness can be a sign of problems, but I also understand trying to make up work/ time of year/ etc. It sounds like she is trying, and this is a very high pressure year in her life. I can understand not wanting to admit something is wrong. What's the point?

I guess I want her to admit her thinking is faulty because then she could address it usefully. I can see her iPod choices in my history because we have the same account. Her music choices last night were all pretty disturbing. I need her to realize a solid 2 hours of songs about suicide probably isn't helpful. I'm scared.

[happi duck]

More (hugs)

[38carrots]

This is insanely stressful for you, I'm sure. :grouphug: I can't even imagine. 

 

A lot of your expressions in these posts are of the "I need her" / "I want her" variety. She needs to know that this is not about you and your level of comfort. She needs to hear from you that this is not about you controlling her.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Oh man, so hard.

 

That would concern me too.

 

I'm sorry she has to wait for her counselling and psych appts.

 

I'll be thinking of you guys over Christmas and New Year. Do you have a number to call for advice over the holiday period if she continues to show

concerning behaviours ? I hate that you're left alone to deal with a scary situation.

The option is returning to the hospital for emergency assessment. I'm sure she wouldn't go willingly which leaves me between a rock and a hard place. Thank you so much for thinking of us. I will take all prayers and good vibes.

[maize]

It's OK, imo, to have a balance.

 

There are things I need from my ill dd for my own peace of mind. Moms count too, especially when they do 99% of the caring.

 

There are times I need dd to listen to me and acknowledge she has heard what I said.

 

I would definitely say to dd 'Your choice of music is concerning to me. Listening to hours of suicide songs is not a good way to care for yourself. I need you to acknowledge that you hear my concern.'

Absolutely.

 

Part of our marriage counseling session last night was me explaining that I absolutely need dh to take his medication in the morning Every Single Day because he does not function well when he doesn't and his behaviors under those circumstances cause a great deal of stress to the whole family.

 

An individual does not exist in isolation, and the needs and well being of other family members--including their need for emotional security (such as not being scared to death that a loved one will commit suicide any moment) are every bit as valid and real as the needs of the person suffering directly from a mental illness.

Edited December 21, 2016 by maize

[displace]

More hugs

[East Coast Sue]

Thinking of you and praying for your dd.

[Joyofsixreboot]

This is insanely stressful for you, I'm sure. :grouphug: I can't even imagine.

 

A lot of your expressions in these posts are of the "I need her" / "I want her" variety. She needs to know that this is not about you and your level of comfort. She needs to hear from you that this is not about you controlling her.

I understand what you are saying. I hope that when I speak to her I am more balanced. I admit I'm posting here to express the worries I'm keeping inside IRL.

[purplejackmama]

Just checking in. How did the holidays go?

[Joyofsixreboot]

Well. She has said she feels her meds are helping. She's not " all better" but no drama, she liked her gifts and joked a little. I'm expecting a post holiday crash but for now I'll take this. Thank you so much for asking. I appreciate all of the positive thoughts and prayers.

[displace]

Thinking of you !!

[happi duck]

(hugs)

[mominco]

:grouphug:  :grouphug: