Race relations - who encourages you?

[sheryl]

I was going to send this up a while back and am just now getting to it.

 

So many people argue over racism here and racism there but I want to shout out that many people, while knowing racism exists to some part in everyone, don't make an issue out of it!

 

We are Caucasian.  Yes, most of our friends are white as well but we have non-Caucasian friends as well (Black and I can't think of any Asians right now).   However, our church as about every nationality represented!

 

Here are some stories -

 

1.  We are frequent shoppers at TJ's.  We shop there so much that the workers know us by facial recognition and we know some of them by name. LOL!  One of those workers is a sweet black woman C from Jamaica.  We talked every now and then.  I learned she has a culinary arts degree which always interests me.  She told me Himalayan salt has less sodium than other salts so I started buying it.  Well, Sept. 2015 she learned that my Dad passed away.  We were in her line checking out.  Her face grew serious - it was very obvious.  She left her register, went to the flower dept. and presented me with a bouquet of flowers!  I will never forget that act of kindness.  I think about that gesture and her every now and then.  DD and I miss her terribly as she moved to Portland, Or.  Ironically, dd's new friend moved back to Oregon this past August. If we're in the area, I will definitely trace C down! :)  I plan on sending her a card or such.  My friend who moved back could hand deliver it to her/C!

 

2.  Another Black woman works at our local Harris-Teeter grocery store.  This is our neighborhood store that sits at the end of our subdivision.  We are regular customers there as well and the customers have watched my dd grow up.  We have 1 personal friend that works there, a man from our church and the rest we've gotten to know their names.  This woman, S, has watched dd grow up.  EACH and EVERY time we are there she makes a fuss.  She comes out from behind the bakery and hugs us.  She refers to my dd as her dd/baby/child! :)   I call her dd's "aunt" S.  

 

We're always laughing about something.  S is that way with everyone, not just us.  She is an encourager like C above.

 

These are just beautiful women - their heart is beautiful.  They don't seek attention nor where racism on their shoulder. 

 

There are more stories of people's kindness toward people, whether white, black, Asian, etc. 

 

Who encourages you? 

 

 

 

 

 

[hornblower]

I'm reading: 

Don't make racism an issue. 

don't wear race on you shoulder 

 

don't seek attention 

 

I think there are many assumptions here to unpack about what makes race relations good or not...

[Carrie12345]

Oh, I don't know.  People who try to sweep the pain and cruelty of racism under the rug do a pretty good job of motivating me to actively and loudly bring it to the forefront and fight against it.

[Sneezyone]

I'm reading:

 

Don't make racism an issue.

 

don't wear race on you shoulder

 

don't seek attention

 

 

I think there are many assumptions here to unpack about what makes race relations good or not...

Silence masks all.

 

What encourages me are my kids. They are confident and cherished, unbroken and unbowed. They are leaders who will not defer or silence themselves on command.

 

What scares me are my kids. They are confident and cherished, unbroken and unbowed. They are leaders who will not silence themselves or defer on command.

 

Sadly, that's all many want them to do.

[MercyA]

We have a black pastor friend who is afraid to come to our predominately white town at night. :( He doesn't make an issue of it or seek to draw attention to it, although he would be well within his rights to do so (and I would support him if he chose to do so). 

 

His fear saddens me and encourages me to want to do something about racism. His love for all people in the face of such prejudice is inspiring to me.

Edited November 6, 2016 by MercyA

[MercyA]

nm, other people did a better job articulating what I was trying to get at.  :)

Edited November 6, 2016 by MercyA

[Guest]

This will go well...

[wonderchica]

I wouldn't say anyone's basic human decency (or cynically, them being polite to paying customers) makes me feel anything about racism. I expect people to be kind and decent, regardless of race. I also wouldn't assume to know a casual acquaintance's thoughts on race relations based on our customer/employee interactions.

 

I *think* your point is that not everyone is racist or thinking about race frequently, and I would certainly agree with that.

Edited November 6, 2016 by wonderchica

[Ottakee]

I am learning so much through friends and family. My dh is Native and while I am 1/4 Native I can easily pass for white where he is more obviously Native. He is often mistaken for being Hispanic (a group sadly some in our county do not welcome) and others think that all Natives are rich from casino money.

 

Then I have friends that have adopted black kids. Her son shared with me a few weeks ago about how nervous he was when a cop was following him and stopped him (for going too slow ) as he told me, "I don't want to get shot". Not something most white young men have to fear when just driving through town. Another black youngan I know plays big 10 football.....but can't wear the hood on his hoodie up or he is viewed as a "thug" or danger.

 

I am making more connections with minority women as well and trying to learn from them. Sadly racism is alive in our country.

[hornblower]

 thinking about race frequently

 

White people have the privilege of not thinking about race. Others do not. 

[wonderchica]

 

White people have the privilege of not thinking about race. Others do not.

I agree.

[idnib]

I was going to send this up a while back and am just now getting to it.

 

So many people argue over racism here and racism there but I want to shout out that many people, while knowing racism exists to some part in everyone, don't make an issue out of it!

 

We are Caucasian.  Yes, most of our friends are white as well but we have non-Caucasian friends as well (Black and I can't think of any Asians right now).   However, our church as about every nationality represented!

 

Here are some stories -

 

1.  We are frequent shoppers at TJ's.  We shop there so much that the workers know us by facial recognition and we know some of them by name. LOL!  One of those workers is a sweet black woman C from Jamaica.  We talked every now and then.  I learned she has a culinary arts degree which always interests me.  She told me Himalayan salt has less sodium than other salts so I started buying it.  Well, Sept. 2015 she learned that my Dad passed away.  We were in her line checking out.  Her face grew serious - it was very obvious.  She left her register, went to the flower dept. and presented me with a bouquet of flowers!  I will never forget that act of kindness.  I think about that gesture and her every now and then.  DD and I miss her terribly as she moved to Portland, Or.  Ironically, dd's new friend moved back to Oregon this past August. If we're in the area, I will definitely trace C down! :)  I plan on sending her a card or such.  My friend who moved back could hand deliver it to her/C!

 

2.  Another Black woman works at our local Harris-Teeter grocery store.  This is our neighborhood store that sits at the end of our subdivision.  We are regular customers there as well and the customers have watched my dd grow up.  We have 1 personal friend that works there, a man from our church and the rest we've gotten to know their names.  This woman, S, has watched dd grow up.  EACH and EVERY time we are there she makes a fuss.  She comes out from behind the bakery and hugs us.  She refers to my dd as her dd/baby/child! :)   I call her dd's "aunt" S.  

 

We're always laughing about something.  S is that way with everyone, not just us.  She is an encourager like C above.

 

These are just beautiful women - their heart is beautiful.  They don't seek attention nor where racism on their shoulder. 

 

There are more stories of people's kindness toward people, whether white, black, Asian, etc. 

 

Who encourages you? 

 

I'm hoping you have good intentions here and are aiming to encourage people to works towards a post-racial society. It's difficult for me when you use phrases such as "don't make an issue out of it" or "they don't seek attention" in your OP. 

 

If "Who inspires you?" =  "Who is a person of a different skin color I get along with beyond racial boundaries and because of their humanity" then I could list many. So many.

 

If you mean "Who do we know who is subject to racism but doesn't talk about it to you personally," and I think you probably do, then this question is offensive, at least to me. 

[Janeway]

I don't really concern myself with the race of my friends or family. No one inspires. Some people tick me off though. I have a biracial extended family. There is never ever an issue among anyone who is educated. The RARE occasion I hear or see something bigotted in race relations, it is either someone running for office so trying to get a specific vote or it's an uneducated person.

[MotherGoose]

In my community, a middle class surbuban area, although there are certainly racial issues, like there are everywhere, there are more black people than white people. The schools are all about 60/40 black or other race non white race versus white. So our stores and churches and neighborhoods are pretty well integrated, at least as far as the middle class surburbia area goes. There are mostly black inner city areas, and white rural areas, but if you visit Target or a restaurant or whatever, the races are very mixed. I think that's good, especially involving children coming up in this environment so different from the more segregated (voluntarily) areas in which I grew up. And what I mean by voluntarily segregated, is that blacks went to one church, one restaurant, etc., whites another. Not because anyone made them legally.

[TheReader]

I was inspired early this year when at the state capitol, and met some (black) teens politely protesting/demonstrating for the Black Lives Matter movement. They had made simple signs, with names of recent victims, and were politely walking the square in front of the capitol building in our state. 

 

I stopped them, talked to them, asked them about their experiences, hugged them (with permission, of course!) and told them how impressed I was, that they were *doing* something. Speaking up. Not sitting silent and afraid, but overcoming any fear they had and getting the message out there. The courage, for any teen, to become an activist, to have such a passion about an issue that they would travel to the capitol and share their message....it was inspiring and encouraging. I honored that, I hope, by talking to them, learning what they experience in the day-to-day -- because I am white, I don't experience racism in my daily life, and so I seek to understand it and learn from those who do so that I can be sure not to offend with my actions, to be sure not to cause pain with my words or deeds. We chatted, I had them explain in simple terms what they were demonstrating for, in their words, to my youngest son (he was not yet 11 at the time, and we had not shared all the news with him). I wanted *them* to explain it, so that I would not paint the wrong picture. They did. It was such an honor, really, that they stopped and talked to me, some random white lady. 

 

In the end, they thanked me, but I felt it was really I who owed them thanks. I realize they did exactly what you suggest not to....call attention, where race on your shoulder, etc....but boy, the way they did it was absolutely encouraging, and the problem they were addressing certainly one that needs addressing. I guess then I'd say "Who encourages me?" -- "those who aren't afraid to talk, sensibly, about difficult topics"

[Farrar]

Most recently, I've been grateful for my kids - my white male sons who are only 12 yo but who can talk with a fluency that I find difficult to achieve in myself about privilege and racism, who are the first to call out bias when they see it, and sometimes even beat me to seeing it. I think... this is what happens when you talk to your kids about race in clear terms, when you talk about pushing against privilege, when you don't shy away from the discussion or pretend the world is colorblind. We're far from perfect, but I'm hopeful that this is the future of young white people in the US - kids who have a vocabulary and framework that we didn't have as young people, who speak about bias like a native tongue and not like a second language.

[Guest]

I can't say anyone inspires me on race relations - it's just never occurred to me to categorize people that way. I know all sorts of loving, principled people of immense integrity and they're right on this as well as so many other things. They live by example. But nobody I can think of in that area specifically.

Edited November 7, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[SemiSweet]

I was going to send this up a while back and am just now getting to it.

 

So many people argue over racism here and racism there but I want to shout out that many people, while knowing racism exists to some part in everyone, don't make an issue out of it!

 

We are Caucasian.  Yes, most of our friends are white as well but we have non-Caucasian friends as well (Black and I can't think of any Asians right now).   However, our church as about every nationality represented!

 

Here are some stories -

 

1.  We are frequent shoppers at TJ's.  We shop there so much that the workers know us by facial recognition and we know some of them by name. LOL!  One of those workers is a sweet black woman C from Jamaica.  We talked every now and then.  I learned she has a culinary arts degree which always interests me.  She told me Himalayan salt has less sodium than other salts so I started buying it.  Well, Sept. 2015 she learned that my Dad passed away.  We were in her line checking out.  Her face grew serious - it was very obvious.  She left her register, went to the flower dept. and presented me with a bouquet of flowers!  I will never forget that act of kindness.  I think about that gesture and her every now and then.  DD and I miss her terribly as she moved to Portland, Or.  Ironically, dd's new friend moved back to Oregon this past August. If we're in the area, I will definitely trace C down! :)  I plan on sending her a card or such.  My friend who moved back could hand deliver it to her/C!

 

2.  Another Black woman works at our local Harris-Teeter grocery store.  This is our neighborhood store that sits at the end of our subdivision.  We are regular customers there as well and the customers have watched my dd grow up.  We have 1 personal friend that works there, a man from our church and the rest we've gotten to know their names.  This woman, S, has watched dd grow up.  EACH and EVERY time we are there she makes a fuss.  She comes out from behind the bakery and hugs us.  She refers to my dd as her dd/baby/child! :)   I call her dd's "aunt" S.  

 

We're always laughing about something.  S is that way with everyone, not just us.  She is an encourager like C above.

 

These are just beautiful women - their heart is beautiful.  They don't seek attention nor where racism on their shoulder. 

 

There are more stories of people's kindness toward people, whether white, black, Asian, etc. 

 

Who encourages you? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, to get this straight, you are inspired by two women of color who provide a service to you and don't mention the issue of race while they're doing it?  They don't tell  you about getting pulled over or followed in a store or their concern for their sons while your interact with them during grocery shopping?

 

Honestly, I'm not usually this confrontational but really??

[sheryl]

the world has come to a very sad and hardened place when one can not just appreciate the kindness of another. 

 

i'm choosing not to read the replies b/c the 1st couple of phrases I read were not encouraging to my sincere intent :)

[Slartibartfast]

\Are these the only minority people you encounter or the only ones that don't discuss race...while they are at work?

[bibiche]

the world has come to a very sad and hardened place when one can not just appreciate the kindness of another.

 

i'm choosing not to read the replies b/c the 1st couple of phrases I read were not encouraging to my sincere intent :)

I'm glad you have positive interactions with people, really. But I am not sure how that informs your views on race relations. Are you saying that because a couple black employees are kind to you that all is right with the world?

 

I don't think "the world has come to a very sad and hardened place" and that is why people aren't responding as you perhaps hoped they would. I think they aren't because your post is rather tone deaf. You live in a world of white privilege, of white supremacy, and thus have the luxury of not having to give thought to race except in a rosy sort of way while thinking of the kind black workers.

 

In order to attain the post-racial, "colorblind" society many whites like to believe we have, an awful lot of uncomfortable work has to be done. There is a list of race, racism, and anti-racism resources posted on the Chat Board. I suggest you take a look at them, particularly the section on white privilege. I think you might find it eye opening and, hopefully, instructive. http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/628619-on-race-racism-and-anti-racism-list-of-resources/

 

Again, I'm glad you have positive interactions with people. And while it is certainly preferable to animosity, I don't think that is all we need - not by a long stretch - to advance race relations in this country.

Edited November 7, 2016 by bibiche

[Soror]

I find the Black Lives Matter movement inspiring, as well as Kaepernick, and Kahn. The many people working on the front line to welcome the refugees- including some from WTM(they are heroes). Locally, Social Justice movements working with the migrant workers, no matter their immigration status. Our new priest at church is fluent in Spanish so now we finally have Spanish Mass again and there is a group that has been bringing more traditions from Hispanic Catholic culture into our church. It inspires me to see the interest and respect for the traditions of all sorts of people- without talk about how people just need to "Americanize." The various cultures that have built this country have made it what it is and it is not like we have suddenly arrived at some place and we will no longer evolve, it is a continual process. BLM et al inspire me because we can't keep pretending that race relations are perfect, there is still work to be done. I think ahead to the future when they will have inclusion in the long line of activist behind King, Parks and many others not so well known.

 

 

 

Edited November 7, 2016 by soror

[Pam in CT]

I'm encouraged by my kids, and others of their generation.  They are much more aware of race than I was at their age, they know fuller history than I did then, and have a more nuanced understanding than I do now.  Unlike me at that age, they are not under any delusion that racism is a thing of the past.

 

When we know better, we can do better.  

 

I'm encouraged that the rising generation will do better on race relations than we have.  It won't be easy but they are much better equipped for the job.

[mamiof5]

Not exactly sure what you are asking. Many folks inspire me in different ways. It has nothing to do with race