Graduating at 19--bad idea?

[sbgrace]

I have twins who are rising 7th graders, one with special needs including autism.

 

Both seem open to the idea of 4 years of middle school and 4 years of high school. They will be 19 for 3 months or so before they would then graduate from high school.

 

I like the idea of having my special needs guy a bit longer. He would have more time to mature, more time to target weaknesses, and more flexibility in academic paths. I think it needs to be both kids or neither adding a year to schooling. I don't *think* it will hurt my neurotypical child either.
 

A lot of homeschoolers in my area do dual enrollment in a local community college. Our state has reciprocal agreements with all colleges, including community colleges, in the state. So it seems to work out well for those kids who go on to other universities post homeschool high school. This could be an option for the later high school years for one or both of mine.

 

Is there a downside? Do kids kind of quit at a set age? When I taught public school, seniors tended to check out in their last semester and/or year. But I figured this was seeing the end and ready for the next thing more than age. I wouldn't want kids to be done as juniors!

 

 

 

 

[rdj2027]

All of my boys have graduated or will graduate at 19.  I don't see a problem with it.

[Penguin]

I see it as no big deal at all. My son transferred from an American high school to an overseas IB high at 17. The IB school required two years no matter what you had done previously, so he graduated at 19. 

 

(BTW In the country where I now live, it is not unusual to be 21 in high school. There was a 21 yr old in my son's graduating class. Granted, the system is different - you have to choose humanities, STEM, vocational training, etc. at the start of high school, and if you switch lines you have to start over)

Edited May 27, 2016 by Penguin

[Haiku]

I don't think you can rely on how a sixth grader feels now about potentially graduating at 19. While they make think it sounds fine, when their peers are 1 or 2 years out of school and they are still high school students, they may very well feel very differently.

 

My dd was adopted at 11. She started school in 6th grade when she "should" have been in 7th. By high school she hated the fact that she was a year older than all the other kidding her class. She dislikes that she is a year older than kids in her year at college. People tend to assume she failed or was held back in school.

 

Additionally, just because one of your kids may need and benefit from extra time in school does not mean your other one needs to do it. Twins are not a unit, and unless your NT child really needs extra time, keeping him with his brother just to keep him with his brother means you are not treating him as an individual with his own needs and capabilities.

 

My youngest two are virtually the same age (adoption) but have differing needs and capabilities. When they were younger we treated them much more as a unit, but as they age that is no longer appropriate.

[MinivanMom]

I would feel very concerned about how the neurotypical twin may feel down the line. It's one thing to say, "We're going to do this, because we feel it's best for you," but it's quite another to say, "We're going to do this, because it's best for your autistic, special-needs brother." And even if he says he's okay with it now, that doesn't mean he will feel the same way at 17, 18, or 19 yrs old.

 

But my dirty lens is that I grew up with close family friends who had triplet girls with a similar situation. Two of the triplets (who were identical to each other) had some special needs, while the third triplet (who was fraternal to the others two) was neurotypical. The fraternal triplet was not allowed to do anything the other triplets weren't capable of doing which resulted in her being held back from a variety of academic, social, and extra-curricular opportunities. She was an easy-going girl who went along with it, because she was generally compliant and loved her sisters . . . but it caused serious damage and resentment in her relationship with her mother and sisters down the road. Rightly so. 

 

I would strongly discourage you from holding him back to graduate at 19 if the only reason is to keep him with his twin brother. If you feel you must keep them together, then I would graduate them both on time. Although many special-needs students benefit from extra time in school, there are others who graduate on time and do fine with supports in place. Just don't hold back one twin due to the other twin's special needs.

[J-rap]

I don't see it as being a problem the way you describe it. 

 

That being said...  Two of my children had summer birthdays, so we technically waited till they were 6 to start them in kindergarten.  They were both at the older end of their classmates, and turned 19 two months after graduation.  That bugged them just a little bit, but what I didn't anticipate -- and this was I think the main downside -- was that they were both quite mature and ready to move on a year before their classmates.  They were both really ready, emotionally/maturity-wise, to graduate a year earlier.  They were sooo antsy that last year, we could barely contain them!  (We did, and it all turned out fine, but in hind site I might not have done it that way with them.)

 

On the other hand, if you have dual enrollment at a local community college (something we didn't have) and they may be doing that during their last year or even two, then I really don't see it being a problem.

 

But you probably don't need to decide now.  You can see how it evolves in the next year or two.  With one of my later dd's, we actually did the opposite.  When she was in 8th grade, we decided to call it 9th grade and graduated her a year early!  So, you can have a year like that that could go either way, if necessary.

[teachermom2834]

Seems to work well for some people but my ds who just graduated and just now turned 18 is so ready to go. He did full dual enrollment this year and was very independent. I cannot imagine having him home another year. Next boy is less mature but same situation. He will turn 18 right as he graduates. I can't imagine him in high school at 19 either.

 

Other kids seem to use the extra year well. Red shirting is very common here and a 19 year old senior would not be a complete oddball.

 

I would try to keep options open and decide at a later date. It would not have seemed developmentally appropriate for

mine to be in high school (even homeschoolers dual enrolling) at that age.

[abcmommy]

Mine is graduating days shy of his 19th birthday and it hasn't meant anything.

[wapiti]

On the one hand, with the prevalence of red-shirting, it is not terribly unusual to graduate at 19, no one would think it's weird, etc.  It's an option.

 

On the other hand, the effects of a decision to take an extra year are going to be very individual.  I would have rather died than spend another year at home at that age; I thought it was because I have issues with my mother, or maybe I just wanted to "shake the dust" of the town in which I grew up.  But, suddenly, my dd15 can't wait to get away, see the world, etc.  Just a couple years ago, she couldn't ever imagine leaving.  She will graduate on time, but if there were a scenario involving her graduating early, I wouldn't have any qualms about it.

 

The twin angle is a little tricky.  I would really have to look at each kid individually.  (We may end up with the ds13s at different high schools, though I'm trying to avoid that!)  Thinking out loud:  how about you graduate them on time, but then the SN one attends college living at home, or just for a time and then transfers?  Then again, that would mess up the whole application process if he has sights on anything competitive, but it might work if the ultimate goal is a less-competitive school.  I think it's really hard to predict right now what they'll be like in four years.  I would probably try to put off deciding until later, junior year.  The right path will likely be much clearer then.

 

Funny thing is that my ds13 with fewer issues is the one more attached to home at the moment.  Other ds13, the one with much bigger issues who managed to forget his backpack in the car yesterday on the last day of school, who texts me to say he can't find a pencil and what should he do about it, looks forward to going away.  The two of them are driving me stark raving nuts these days and I feel bad that I can't wait for them to be out of whatever phase this is.  A middle school principal once told me that 7th grade was the worst year for boys and at this point I really hope she was right.

Edited May 27, 2016 by wapiti

[Kassia]

I have twin sons who graduated at almost 19 from public school (August birthdays).  One has Asperger's, the other is NT.  I agonized over what to do with them when starting kindergarten because my NT was very ready, but his brother was absolutely not ready.  We decided to hold them both back a year, and they started kindergarten at 6.  It was never a problem.  My NT son said he was happy we made the decision which surprised me because he was always very advanced and could have easily graduated at 18.  

 

They were not the youngest in their class and did not feel out of place.

 

Erica

[kiana]

Another option I haven't seen mentioned is to give them 9th grade classes (if they can handle them) and keep records as such, but on paper put them as 8th grade. If they want to graduate earlier, they will have the classes and records they need to graduate, but if they want to graduate later, they are still fine for that.

[Tsuga]

Around here it would not be unusual in public or private school to graduate at a young 19. Many people wait for their summer boys in particular, but also summer girls, to start K at 6. So if they turn 7 in K, they will turn 19 before graduation. Most of the time that would be toward the end of the year.

 

I think it sounds like you have a good plan.

[Corraleno]

Graduating at 19 is becoming increasingly common, especially for boys. And if your state offers free or reduced-cost DE, and you have a good local CC, then it can make financial sense to take advantage of a couple of years of inexpensive, transferable CC courses, while still retaining their eligibility to apply to 4 yr colleges as freshmen.

 

I would keep good records for any work they do in 8th that would be considered high school level, to keep your options open. Then you can decide later whether that year "counts" as 8th or 9th.

[City Mouse]

I agree that graduating HS at 19 is not all that unusual, but holding back one kid just because of a sibling does not make much sense to me.

At18, the student is officially an adult, and parents can't force them to attend school. There are often kids who "check out" when they turn 18. It is difficult to predict what your boys be like when they turn 18, but after watching several friends struggle to get kids to finish school after turning 18, I would not add an extra year of schooling unless the kid really needed it.

Special needs kids can go to public school through turning 21, so adding extra time for the one chil would make sense especially if you will be planning for guardianship at 21.

[EKS]

If it is at all possible, I'd wait to make the decision until they (each of them, individually) are closer to graduation age. 

[katilac]

I wouldn't plan for a typical 7th-grader to graduate late. You can always keep him in high school an extra year, but it's much harder to advance him a year if he doesn't start high school work on time. 

 

Like teachermom2834 said, some kids are absolutely ready to move on by the time they are 17 or 18. I just posted in a completely different thread that my dd will turn 18 over the summer and is headed to college in the fall, and we would all be crazy people if she weren't! She is absolutely itching to move on to a wider world and different challenges. And she has been DE at a local university for both junior and senior years, it's just not enough. 

 

So, I would start high school academics on time for whichever kid is ready at the typical time. It is no tremendous negative if he decides to take another year in the future (unless he looks at super competitive schools or programs, then they might ask). 

 

It might even be good for the higher needs twin if his brother goes off first; it could give him space to be on his own and work and shine with no comparisons. I think that at least a year 'on her own' is going to be very good for my younger dd, and she is actually a high achiever in her own right - but sees herself in comparison to her sister, ignoring the fact that she is older so naturally enough has done more! 

[bluedarling]

I held my 1st child back in 8th because he wasn't ready to do high school level stuff.  It seems to have worked out well for him (though he did nothing the 2nd half of his jr. year.)  He's now in dual enrollment and will graduate this year at 19 (1 month past 18).  He said he didn't care about graduating with peers, but he is looking forward to that, now (his peers being younger than him is not an issue....but I wasn't going to "graduate" him, and that was.  He wants to graduate with his friends, now.)

 

2nd child with summer birthday will graduate at 17, and is extremely immature for his age.  I wish I'd held him back. 

 

3rd child opted to repeat 8th grade when she entered public school.  Part of the reason it didn't work out is because she is frustrated with the immaturity of her peers.  She probably should not have been held back, but she would have struggled at grade level, and enjoys being "smart" a year behind.  She seems fine with it so far....she's looking forward to dual enrollment in 2 years, though.  She will be 19 for 5 months when she graduates.  The hardest thing for her is that she is only 17 months younger than her  brother, but 3 years behind in school!   It was her decision to repeat 8th.

 

I see no issue with graduating at 19 if it makes sense for that child.  I think I would hold back the autistic child at 8th grade, and at that time let the other twin have the option.  My hope would be that there would be less resentment if it were his/her decision. 

[Mom22ns]

So, from the perspective of a mom with a 19yo ASD guy who just finished his first year of college.

 

Was he academically ready to go? Yes.

Was he emotionally/socially ready to go? No.

Would he have agreed at age 12 to take an extra year to get through school? Yep.

Would he have agreed at age 18 to stay another year? NO WAY!

Would homeschooling another year have benefitted him (he did do dual enrollment)? NO.

 

At 12-17 ds was the most cooperative easy going student who worked hard, excelled academically and was immature and not ready to go out into the world. However, at 17, everything changed. Well, not everything, but he was tired of being home with mom. He wanted independence and wanted to move on with life. Even though maturity wise, he wasn't really ready for college, dorm life and independence it was a good stretch and he made it and feels much better about himself for having done it. Many times along the way, I considered holding him back a year. I am very glad I didn't. 

 

So my cautionary tale is just to say, if you want to plan that, fine. But I would  keep records and work on high school level work if they are ready for it when they hit 14. I'd stay ready to change things up and graduate them at 18, because one or both may be really needing to move on.

[Janeway]

I have seen it often recommended to do a super senior year to allow for more dual enrollment.

 

But, I do want to caution against holding a more accelerated child back to keep that child and the twin together. I do not think being in high school until after the 19th birthday is a huge deal, it happens a lot with all the red shirting for sports. 

[melmichigan]

My DD will graduate high school at 19 because she will attend the local middle college program while homeschooling.  The way it is set up all attendants graduate high school at the end of their 13th year.  Homeschool parents issue the high school diploma at the same time the college issues any degree or credits for transfer.

Edited May 29, 2016 by melmichigan

[dereksurfs]

My DD will graduate high school at 19 because she will attend the local middle college program while homeschooling.  The way it is set up all attendants graduate high school at the end of their 13th year.  Homeschool parents issue the high school diploma at the same time the college issues any degree or credits for transfer.

 

This was a very fascinating question.  My initial reaction for us was, why would we want to do that?  However, after reading all of the feedback along with personal experiences, I can definitely see some benefits to waiting an extra year.  Our oldest ds, for example, is STEM directed and at grade level or ahead academically.  However, he will begin taking more DE courses at our local CC.  Taking an extra year would allow him to explore more of his academic interests.  Having more advanced college courses under his belt might actually improve his standing when applying as a freshman to various colleges.  Also, if he graduates on our current schedule, he will only be 17.  

 

Hm, this is good food for thought.  I like the idea keeping both options open for them and then deciding when the times comes closer.  However, if we had a local  program like melmichigan does, it would make sense to decide earlier to just go that route.  That sounds like a fantastic approach to education giving young people an opportunity to have solid college experience under their belt right out of high school.  

[dereksurfs]

Graduating at 19 is becoming increasingly common, especially for boys. And if your state offers free or reduced-cost DE, and you have a good local CC, then it can make financial sense to take advantage of a couple of years of inexpensive, transferable CC courses, while still retaining their eligibility to apply to 4 yr colleges as freshmen.

 

I would keep good records for any work they do in 8th that would be considered high school level, to keep your options open. Then you can decide later whether that year "counts" as 8th or 9th.

 

Technically speaking, would they still retain their eligibility to apply as freshman even if they have:

1.  the college equivalency in units of a junior in standing

2.  earned an AA/AS degree

Before or at the same time they graduate HS?

 

In other words, is high school graduation the single determining factor in qualifying for freshman status where admissions are concerned?  Of course, I am speaking generally.  I would imagine there to be some admission variance or nuances from university to university.

Edited May 30, 2016 by dereksurfs

[kiana]

Technically speaking, would they still retain their eligibility to apply as freshman even if they have:

1.  the college equivalency in units of a junior in standing

2.  earned an AA/AS degree

Before or at the same time they graduate HS?

 

The units, it will depend on the colleges they apply to, but many will.

The AA/AS often requires application as a transfer student, but if the student wants to apply to one where this would do so, they could just not graduate. The issue would be changing their mind at the end, but hey, nothing is perfect.

[dereksurfs]

The units, it will depend on the colleges they apply to, but many will.

The AA/AS often requires application as a transfer student, but if the student wants to apply to one where this would do so, they could just not graduate. The issue would be changing their mind at the end, but hey, nothing is perfect.

 

Yes, if a student has every intention of going on to a university, then I don't think getting the AA/AS is as important to obtain.  Many will simply take all the requirements for that particular program and university to transfer as many units in as possible.

[melmichigan]

Technically speaking, would they still retain their eligibility to apply as freshman even if they have:

1.  the college equivalency in units of a junior in standing

2.  earned an AA/AS degree

Before or at the same time they graduate HS?

 

In other words, is high school graduation the single determining factor in qualifying for freshman status where admissions are concerned?  Of course, I am speaking generally.  I would imagine there to be some admission variance or nuances from university to university.

With the local middle college program, kids looking to retain freshman status have taken all but one class needed for the AA/AS degree.  Other kids have found it more beneficial to complete the degree and be able to work at that level while attending a university.  It will depend on the student.  I don't know which approach my DD will take yet.  As a homeschooler, she will be eligible for more college classes than a public school student, so she has the potential to earn more credits.  Most kids are looking to take as many transferable credits as possible while there is no cost to the student.  

Edited May 30, 2016 by melmichigan

[kiana]

Yes, if a student has every intention of going on to a university, then I don't think getting the AA/AS is as important to obtain.  Many will simply take all the requirements for that particular program and university to transfer as many units in as possible.

 

In some cases, completion of the AA/AS will grant completion of all lower-division gen eds at state 4-year colleges regardless of how the classes transfer, other than program-specific ones. So if you didn't take psych 101 and your program requires it, you still have to take it, but if you took a class that transferred as something weird and didn't count for gen eds, you'd still have your gen eds done.

 

I think the best way to hedge your bets would be to skip something like a health class or similar which is offered every summer. By the end of spring semester, your child will know (hopefully) where they're going or if they're taking a gap year, in which case they can decide then whether to take that summer class and apply for august graduation.

 

My brother (started at CC) hedged his by skipping a specific required humanities class. It turned out he did not receive a benefit from the AA, so he did not take summer school, but when he went to his 4-year, he took their equivalent class and back-transferred it to get his AA. Frankly, he only did that because he felt the CC had been very good to him, and completing a degree will help their numbers because of the weird and stupid way that they track progress, but that is a rant for another thread.

[Grantmom]

I think it depends so much on the kids and who they consider their peers. Around here, lots of boys with summer birthdays wait a year to begin Kindergarten. So lots of kids are 18 for their entire senior year. It's so hard to say. A few months difference doesn't sound like a big difference to me.

Edited May 30, 2016 by Grantmom

[AngieW in Texas]

I think it's going to be important to plan both ways.

 

Plan out for what would have been their 9th grade year to be 9th grade and to be 8th grade. Make sure that they can graduate at 18yo or at 19yo, but don't make the call until they are 16yo.

 

My perspective in three parts:

 

(1) My middle dd has Asperger's. She was very delayed when little, but after resolving her speech issues and going through extensive OT, she blossomed. She has a late September birthday and I originally thought that I might have her in the lower grade. Our area has a cutoff of September 1st, so she would have been 18yo for almost her entire senior year.  It would have been horribly detrimental to her to have been on the delayed timetable. She didn't really come into her own until college. I ended up graduating her at 17yo and then she turned 18yo one month into her freshman year. She graduated college in just three years with a double major. She made real friends for the first time at college because that was where she finally found like-minded people who were just as obsessed with Digimon and Kingdom Hearts as she was. She was no longer the "weird one".

 

(2) My youngest has learning disabilities. This put her way behind where her sisters were at the same age. She had to work much harder to struggle through much less rigorous work and the amount of work had to be cut down a lot for her due to physical issues as well. She had a full academic year where she made no academic progress at all due to panic/anxiety and depression when she was in 7th grade. I seriously considered having her do an extra year of middle school. However, she made tremendous strides in high school. And once she was able to go to cc for dual credit, her whole world opened up. She was amazed to discover that her perseverance made all the difference. All those years of struggle made her into a fighter. She has to work much harder than everybody else does, but she is willing to make that extra effort. As a result, she was one of the top students in every class she was in at the cc. She had never seen herself as being good at academics because her sisters did it with so much less effort while she had to struggle and fight her way through. Now she knows that she is a great student. She is graduating this month at 18yo (just had her birthday two weeks ago). 

 

(3) I am a ps teacher in high school. I'll grant you that the kids I work with are the ones who struggle. However, even the regular kids are mostly just DONE by the time they turn 18yo. It is very hard to keep the kids motivated to stay in school until they are 18yo. If they get to that point and then see another full year of school left, many of them will just quit, especially if school is a struggle anyway.  I realize that it isn't the same when you are hsing, but you have to remember that at 18yo, they are adults and can legally make their own decisions. You want to make sure that your boys have the possibility of graduating the year they are 18yo in case they get to that point and suddenly just refuse to go further. And it isn't super important that they make the same decision. If one of them wants to graduate at 18yo and the other wants to continue until 19yo, they should be able to do that.

[Julie Smith]

In my province (Ontario) graduating high school at 19 isn't unusual. This is mainly because until relatively recently high school went to grade 13. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victory_lap_(academia)

 

 

[Penguin]

Based on recent posts that came after mine, I feel like I should add something. I mentioned that in our local culture, high school often goes well past age 18. I should have mentioned that most kids move out at age 18, even if they are still in high school. The government pays them to go to school, so they can do that. 

 

As expats, my son could not move out. But he had complete adult-like freedom

 

But of course, college students live at home. So lots of people have 19 year old children living at home. I did when my eldest was in community college.

[katilac]

  Our oldest ds, for example, is STEM directed and at grade level or ahead academically.  However, he will begin taking more DE courses at our local CC.  Taking an extra year would allow him to explore more of his academic interests.   

 

This is very much ymmv, but one reason dd would not have wanted another year of DE at the local university is that they have an honors program that dE students are not eligible for. Many, though certainly not all, of the more advanced and motivated students are in the honors program, which meant they weren't in her classes. And of course she wouldn't have the opportunity for certain interesting and challenging classes. 

 

So, I would definitely check both the course catalog and what DE students are allowed to take. DE was a great choice overall, I'm glad we did it and we're doing it again for younger dd, but a 3rd year was not enticing.