PeacefulChaos Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 (edited) Thank you. Sometimes just typing it out helps lay everything out for me so it becomes totally clear what needs to be done. :) Edited April 19, 2016 by PeacefulChaos 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Oh dear... I'm so sorry. That is a lot of frustration. To answer your question yes... I do feel like I've been in this circle of things not working out. Some have been self-inflicted (I talked about one on another thread - but there are more) and some have not been my own cause. But, I have felt lately that I don't trust myself to make decisions. The last few have been terrible mistakes that I still regret years later. And I feel like since then I've been in a funk and I can't get out of it. And like you, I *should* be happy - On paper (or from the outside) everything is fine... more than fine. I shouldn't feel like I total screw up that can't do anything right, but I do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :willy_nilly: :willy_nilly: Hugs, OP! Sometimes things stink! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: We had a run of health issues here that had me feeling the same way. It was one thing after another. More :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 :grouphug: IMHO, your finances are not good. If you can't handle scraping up $1000 a couple of times a year for emergencies, I think you need to look for a way to earn some more money or trim your budget permanently to fund emergency savings. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 (edited) I had to pay off a $4500 attorney bill. The good news is that they didn't require payment in advance. We also had to finance two vehicles- we did get a Honda van. I would delay the vacation and use free resources for a semester or two of schooling. If you can type one-handed or use dictation software and craft coherent, grammatically correct sentences you can make $ writing as a freelancer. I fell into when I was feeling the pressure from that unexpected legal bill. DH's hours got cut right after we incurred all these expenses- and it was a medical disqualification. He made less and had to pay doctor fees to prove he was OK. Ugh! But now, I am established as a freelancer and we will be able to pay for a vacation. He is well and didn't have to take disability. And, we did get the lawyer paid. Things aren't working out as you expected them to- now is the time to regroup, change expectations and make what you have work for you. :grouphug: DH and I pretty much have the motto "Face it and fight it." Edited April 18, 2016 by MomatHWTK 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 (edited) np Edited April 19, 2016 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 (edited) np Edited April 19, 2016 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catalytic Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 About your fingers....roughly 2.5 months ago, I hooked the way-too-long fingernail on my pinkie on the couch trying to pull my shirt down. It bent my pinkie way back backwards, but at the time, the fingernail ripping off my finger caught my attention (It lifted to about halfway down the nailbed, bled like a stuck pig), and I didn't really notice any finger pain. Well, the fingernail got over it in a few days, but my finger still hurts. 2 weeks ago I would have said my finger still hurts A LOT, but I did notice this week it's finally feeling less pain. (It still hurts if someone squeezes when shaking my hand, but I don't recoil when my 6 yr old bumps it grabbing my hand to cross the street.) I haven't been to the doc for it, was going to go, but...I hate doc appointments. I don't think it was every broken, but it doesn't really feel like a sprain either. If I had known it was going to hurt this long, i would have splinted it for at least 2 weeks for sure. If it had been the fingers you injured, I probably would have thought to split much faster. (TLDR; splint those two fingers for a couple more weeks, won't hurt, might help) For money (ours is extremely tight right now, just put a new roof on our house (metal, was $25,000), so I completely empathize), you need to decide a priority for the savings. For *me* that priority would be family first, then the lawyer, then the vehicle, then the curriculum. Family is most important, please don't skip that...we didn't go home over the summer due to a move and wanting to get settled (we could have), planned to go home at Christmas, my dad passed away a week and half before we were supposed to be there. I hadn't seen him in 3 years. GO HOME. If the lawyer is unavoidable, then obviously that has to come next. I don't know what PTO is, so I can't say your DH should or shouldn't cash it out (tho the phrase cash-it-out tells me he shouldn't), but you *could* scrimp on curriculum. For the 2nd grader you could use Easy Peasy Homeschool for free. For the other two, I feel like while you can use Easy Peasy, you may want to look around some more, but there are plenty of free curriculi, and possibly someone would be willing to lend you the stuff you consider vital if their child/ren isn't using it for that year. Definitely keep your sights on the Honda/Toyota minivans, they're the best deal for the money, with the Toyota slightly edging out the Honda for longevity lately. Check out Carmax.com, you can specify exactly what you want and it will show you where in the country it is, and sometimes they can even ship it to the closest dealer for a fee ($199 to 599, i believe) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Yep, I've felt that way too. :grouphug: :grouphug: This, too, shall pass......and I hope it does very quickly!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry. I hope things look up for you quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Aww. You do sound frustrated. The fingers thing would be driving me crazy, too. I think you should cancel the vacation and pay for the lawyer and curriculum. Vacations are a luxury and you said the lawyer was a necessity and education is also a necessity. I have to agree with another poster that if you don't have a couple thousand in the bank for unexpected things, then your finances actually aren't fine. 3-6 months expenses is the bare minimum of what you need. 6-9 or even 12 months is better. I'm not saying I know exactly how to get to there (everyone has different circumstances, so different people can get savings in different ways), but if you can eventually get to where you're saving money every month and building up some savings of a few thousand dollars, then when you have to pay off the unexpected bills, you can and the stress is gone. That doesn't help you today, though. Today you are allowed to feel frustrated with your hurt finger and the looming bills and the decision about a car. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Hugs! Financial stress sucks. We were there for so long and being able to breath finally is a life changer. Like a few previous posters have said, your finances are not good. If your finances and budget were good none of this would be an issue. If I were in your shoes, I have been, vacation wouldn't even be on my radar until the lawyer was paid, I had $1000 saved for emergencies and I had the car situation fixed. Curriculum wouldn't be on my mind either. I would be using free resources until my finances were in better shape. I would be focusing on getting my budget to the bare minimum with no recreational spending until I has $1000 saved. Then I would at least budget a small amount each month for entertainment. Sorry if you didn't want advice. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Gently: OP, you don't have an emergency fund for your medical expenses, you don't have a van down payment adequate enough to get a loan, you are cancelling medical treatment for your fingers (that you can't use without pain) so you can save $100 - for what? Buying $100 of curriculum or taking a vacation only help you in the very short term, and $100 won't be a van down payment, but your healthy and robust fingers will be critical to you going forward. Stated with concern: I really think you need to reconsider your finances. You are NOT in good shape at all, and you are not making progress to be in better shape in the future. You need an emergency fund and a long term strategy going forward. We did Dave Ramsey years ago and it works. http://www.daveramsey.com/home/ Two weeks ago our frig/freezer died abruptly. We bought a brand new one for $3300 cash. It feels great that these crises are now easily resolved. Best wishes to you as you figure out your finances! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I think you are being underpaid for reception work- but maybe I am wrong? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 It's really tough when things pile on like that. Personally I find it helpful to prioritize everything, and then I know I'm going after things one by one as a CHOICE instead of flailing. But when stuff piles up like that it's much harder to keep that in perspective. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I'm really sorry. :( I've been watching my sister go through a hellish year. I cannot, for the life of me, thing of one more horrible thing that could happen realistically happen... then one more hits. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) np Edited April 19, 2016 by PeacefulChaos 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Next time post JAWM or no advice needed if you don't want people to give you an honest response to a post that screams I need help with my finances. Many of us have been there and we're only trying to help. Sorry you are so frustrates, hope things get better. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catalytic Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Even with a good budget, and a huge cushion in the bank, a bad stretch can blow through all of it in no time. Been there, our new roof was just icing on the proverbial cake, we're stretched so thin right now I want to scream. So, hang in there, I completely understand what you're feeling and saying. All that said, I STRONGLY disagree with those saying not to take the vacation. Visiting family isn't a vacation, it's a necessity, and money will come and go, but at some point you will never have a chance to spend time with family again. If you have a vehicle you can use, I would say prioritize a new one AFTER the "vacation" and I guess the lawyer. For the curriculum, I know you said you don't want free, but it could tide you over for a couple of months while you get things straight again and then you can get what you want. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) np Edited April 19, 2016 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 When it rains, it pours. :( Breathe. It gets better. :) No Dave Ramsey, okay, but things like YNAB or cash envelopes do help long term. Dh and I are getting ready to support 2 households. I understand the trials and headache when expenses double. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I hate when everything hits at once. Hope your fingers are better soon. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Next time post JAWM or no advice needed if you don't want people to give you an honest response to a post that screams I need help with my finances. Many of us have been there and we're only trying to help. Sorry you are so frustrates, hope things get better. I think she was asking, "Has anyone else ever felt this way? Please tell me that am not alone." I don't think she was asking, "How should I manage money differently?" Even though people answer as they please on a public forum, I think sometimes kindness and sympathy is the better response. Or even, just asking if the person wants advice or input. Otherwise, people learn to never ask for a word of encouragement or commiseration here because their perceived failings will be used against them at that moment when they are in pain. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Hope things get better soon and your fingers heal quickly! It's hard when the "when it rains it pours" actually happens :( 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I've definitely had the years in which the theme was "one step forward, two steps back." They're tough and discouraging. I hope you can find things to help keep your spirits up and keep you moving forward. Sending you good thoughts... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I think she was asking, "Has anyone else ever felt this way? Please tell me that am not alone." I don't think she was asking, "How should I manage money differently?" Even though people answer as they please on a public forum, I think sometimes kindness and sympathy is the better response. Or even, just asking if the person wants advice or input. Otherwise, people learn to never ask for a word of encouragement or commiseration here because their perceived failings will be used against them at that moment when they are in pain. I understand she didn't ask for advice but she also didn't ask us not to give advice. I commiserated and mentioned I'd been there and am now out of it. It is only natural to then give pointers on how to get out as well because I know how much it sucks. Hence the, in the future specify exactly how you want people to respond because no one intended to offend her. They intended to help. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I think she was asking, "Has anyone else ever felt this way? Please tell me that am not alone." I don't think she was asking, "How should I manage money differently?" Even though people answer as they please on a public forum, I think sometimes kindness and sympathy is the better response. Or even, just asking if the person wants advice or input. Otherwise, people learn to never ask for a word of encouragement or commiseration here because their perceived failings will be used against them at that moment when they are in pain. I sincerely hope that the OP can see that I was trying to be kind in my response. I really did not want her to feel shamed at all. It makes me very anxious to see people post situations that look more "dangerous" to me than they are perceiving, as if the OP is looking for support for feeling "warm", but I'm smelling smoke. I feel like I have to say something to warn her that her life is starting to catch on fire. OP, I apologize if I hurt your feelings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) nvm Edited April 19, 2016 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Sorry if this thread should be left to die, but I just wanted to say that I think I get it (based on the responses from others, you already deleted your post :( It would take me 18 months to save 1 month income; so I don't. I've also put off/cancelled medical treatment early to save money - dealing with the pain is sometimes easier than dealing with the stress from paying for it. I am so sorry that you are overwhelmed right now. I hope you can find some creative ways to live in such a way that brings you peace and joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Oh dear... I'm so sorry. That is a lot of frustration. To answer your question yes... I do feel like I've been in this circle of things not working out. Some have been self-inflicted (I talked about one on another thread - but there are more) and some have not been my own cause. But, I have felt lately that I don't trust myself to make decisions. The last few have been terrible mistakes that I still regret years later. And I feel like since then I've been in a funk and I can't get out of it. And like you, I *should* be happy - On paper (or from the outside) everything is fine... more than fine. I shouldn't feel like I total screw up that can't do anything right, but I do. I'm feeling like this a lot lately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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