fairfarmhand Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 This article came across my news feed. I am totally speechless. Who finds a father for their child on Facebook? (judgy? Yep!) https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/man-has-fathered-10-babies-with-9-women-thanks-to-124692805082.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 :huh: And who knew there were in-home insemination kits. :ohmy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I dunno, but before I decided to adopt, I was researching donated sperm. It was actually kinda funny what I could find on the internet. Particularly the animated stuff on some of the websites. :p I could have frozen sperm shipped to my home on dry ice IIRC, but it wasn't guaranteed to work the first time. (Donors were sort of anonymous, but not really, as you could trace them IIRC.) On the other hand, the turkey baster method using the help of a known guy friend was lots cheaper - if one could find the guts to ask. Tough decision. Glad I ultimately didn't have to make it. :) I guess using facebook isn't that big of a deal if you're going to go the sperm donation route. I know at least one person whose kid has an anonymous sperm donor father (and knows it), and he seems to be coming out OK. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 My worry about it is that there are no safeguards in place with a random guy from the internet. With a sperm bank, everything is tested and the guy is vetted. Even a friend with a known background would seem a bit safer. But I have never been in a situation where that was needed and considered the expense of a sperm bank, so maybe I shouldn't judge. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Wow! I can't imagine what his future wife or kids may think. It is so public, it is bound to be seen. How do future children prevent dating an unknown half-sibling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Life is like a Facebook S per m Donor...you never know what you're gonna get. /Advice from Forrest Gump's momma that didn't make it into the book or movie. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I dunno, but before I decided to adopt, I was researching donated sperm. It was actually kinda funny what I could find on the internet. Particularly the animated stuff on some of the websites. :p I could have frozen sperm shipped to my home on dry ice IIRC, but it wasn't guaranteed to work the first time. (Donors were sort of anonymous, but not really, as you could trace them IIRC.) On the other hand, the turkey baster method using the help of a known guy friend was lots cheaper - if one could find the guts to ask. Tough decision. Glad I ultimately didn't have to make it. :) I guess using facebook isn't that big of a deal if you're going to go the sperm donation route. I know at least one person whose kid has an anonymous sperm donor father (and knows it), and he seems to be coming out OK. I actually have a tank of frozen sperm in my bedroom. It's of the bovine variety though. Last week, I got to add to the list of "conversations that I never thought I'd have." My dh brought the tank into the kitchen. Dd17 saw it and said, "Oh, is the sem*n guy coming today?" I said, "No, not the sem*n guy. It's the liquid nitrogen guy." Dd 17 "Oh, okay. :)" And my friends are all subdivision people so they find the fact that I have a tank of squigglers in the bedroom oddly fascinating."You actually sleep with that in your bedroom!" "Yeah, but they're frozen!" 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 This article came across my news feed. I am totally speechless. Who finds a father for their child on Facebook? (judgy? Yep!) https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/man-has-fathered-10-babies-with-9-women-thanks-to-124692805082.html "I had a great day today! I went on Facebook and found a great coupon code for 5 dollars off any beauty product at HSN, and I also found a really cute sperm donor!" :hurray: No. Just no. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Wow! I can't imagine what his future wife or kids may think. It is so public, it is bound to be seen. How do future children prevent dating an unknown half-sibling? It doesn't sound anonymous, and since the dad knows the gender/age of the kids, I assume he will know some names to tell his future kids to watch out for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 It doesn't sound that different than what many other people do. I wouldn't think it was any different than many families where there are the 'his,hers,mine,yours,ours'. There are lots of men around who have many kids by different women, some known/some not known. The guy isn't charging for his swimmers, he seems to be really doing it to help create families (ok, well he must enjoy it on some level IYKWIM LOL). Maybe he really loves showing his virility to the world....but whatever the internal motivation, he is helping lots of people. I have a sister who went daddy shopping at a bar. She wanted a baby, but not a commitment. She says she knows a name, but was never put on the birth certificate. DD8 is adopted and is also my great-niece. Since I am raising my nieces daughter (mystery man is my dd8s grandfather), I wish she would have done something like this, at least to have a future possibility of knowing a medical history. My neice and DD8 both have severe mental health issues, and it would be nice to know if they are prevalent in his family or not. On the other side of my family tree......My SIL and her partner were talking about conceiving. They couldn't afford invitro (and college simultaneously for a teenage daughter) so they were in talks with a male friend for his help in the matter. They were trying to decide if they were going to use a turkey baster (yes, that is legit, not a joke) or go for the more natural route. My SIL was Bi-sexual, so the idea was a possibility because the natural route increases the odds of a successful pregnancy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Intentionally depriving children of fathers or birth fathers, that is what upsets me the most. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebbyribs Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Evolution - playing to win! However, with 10 kids who are not being raised as siblings (except the set of twins), I hope he will decide to stop donating soon. The UK evidently has a limit of 10 families per sperm donor, but I don't know if it would apply in this case. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I have a sister who went daddy shopping at a bar. She wanted a baby, but not a commitment. Hey, there's a song about that. "All that she wants is another baby ...." :P I used to think that song was ridiculous, but now I know better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I didn't read the article so I may be way off but...meh. I can't imagine too many people turning to FB for sperm. Plus, it is no worse than getting pregnant from a random hook up. I'd rather tell my kid "Well, Mommy wanted to have a baby so she I found a donor for sperm on the Internet" than, "Well, Mommy didn't realize how strong a Long Island ice tea can be...." 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I never had to consider the sperm donation route, being lucky enough to not face infertility and being happily married, but if I did, I could see the appeal of this. If you go through a bank, you don't get to meet the donor and can't track them down later if everyone decides they want that. Of course, the safeguards thing... that's sort of important. But I could see going for this. It doesn't shock me. Nor do I feel like bemoaning the poor fatherless children. Bah. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 The protection for the guy is a big issue. I'm given to understand that in the US, no matter what he signs, he can still be held liable for child support. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 In my late 20s/early 30s, looked into international adoption and sperm donors. I ended up getting married a few years later, and had no issue conceiving even after 35, but based on knowing way too many friends with custody issues and bad divorces, I really have no issue with going this route. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I keep wondering what kind of responses the guy gets to his ad on Facebook. I mean, people get a lot of wackos responding to their online ads for homeschool books for sale. I can't even begin to imagine the messages the Sperm Guy must be getting! :svengo: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Dh and I were watching the documentary on Netflix about Tig Notaro and after she's on a comedy podcast mentioning that she's looking for a surrogate, a pretty normal seeming couple stepped forward and were like, we'll do it (or, rather, she'll do it, but with her dh's blessing). I kept thinking that was really something. But giving out some sperm... that's easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 The protection for the guy is a big issue. I'm given to understand that in the US, no matter what he signs, he can still be held liable for child support. This is correct. Conversely, a mom who doesn't want to co-parent with an informal sperm donor could find herself in a joint custody situation should he change his mind at some point, especially before or just after birth. Anonymous sperm donors please. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Well. I suppose it's no weirder than all the other ways you can get pregnant with a man you don't know very well. I mean, is it any worse than getting knocked up due to a one-night stand with a hot guy at a bar? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 It's not shocking, but the lack of anonymity to me seems to be a negative for everyone involved since the idea of the donor is not to have a relationship with the male but just the biologics to produce a child. Without the anonymity and the testing for certain diseases, it seems that it could be more risky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 But I think some people don't want the anonymity. I mean, I have no personal feelings, not having really considered it, but it seems like there should be a legal way to make this sort of thing work if all parties want to make the agreement. The screening process would seem to be a big concern though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegs Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 We run into nonidentity problems pretty quickly when we start drawing lines in the sand regarding the conditions under which we will allow potential children to be conceived. If we say that it is unacceptable to bring a fatherless child into the world, what should we then do about pregnancies resulting from the anonymous one-night-stands Tanaqui has mentioned? We don't really believe that a life without a father is a life not worth living, do we? And sure, an accidental pregnancy with an unknown man is different *in intention* to a pregnancy conceived with the full knowledge that the man will not contribute to the upbringing of the child. But really, what difference do those intentions make to the persons eventually produced by either arrangement? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 But I think some people don't want the anonymity. I mean, I have no personal feelings, not having really considered it, but it seems like there should be a legal way to make this sort of thing work if all parties want to make the agreement. The screening process would seem to be a big concern though.I have no thoughts on the FB thing (I mean, logistics) but no way would I set myself up for even the remote possibility of custody/co parenting battles. Anonymity all the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 It's like getting one of those butterfly kits for homeschool science. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 But I think some people don't want the anonymity. I mean, I have no personal feelings, not having really considered it, but it seems like there should be a legal way to make this sort of thing work if all parties want to make the agreement. The screening process would seem to be a big concern though. Yes, but the court will generally default to the child's interests. Those are at times distinct from the parents' interests. Their agreement may well be at odds with the child's interests if one parent changes their mind or contests it. Even when agreements have been signed, the court can make other orders. The law has also not caught up with stuff like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 NM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I have a friend who has two children by this method. Same donor both times, so they are full siblings, and neither one has his name on the birth certificate. She knows who he is, and I think sends him a picture and general summary sort of thing about the kids. He is married, has his own family (who know about this) and has fathered several other children by the same method. He is available to contact in the case of medical history, etc, because mum knows who he is (and he agrees), but it is purely by mutual agreement that he has no liability or claim. If she changed her mind she could go after him for child support, and if he changed his he could claim access rights. It seems like such a risky proposition for both of them, and relies entirely on continued good will on both sides for it to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Yes, but the court will generally default to the child's interests. Those are at times distinct from the parents' interests. Their agreement may well be at odds with the child's interests if one parent changes their mind or contests it. Even when agreements have been signed, the court can make other orders. The law has also not caught up with stuff like this. I can only think this comes from a very old fashioned place of believing that a bio mother and father together are inherently in the best interests of the child. It's so far from where my head is that it's just bizarre. But most of the things that courts seem to do in regard to children are crazy to me - both the stuff in the news like those kids who were punished for refusing to see their father or parents tossed in jail for letting kids play alone in the park - and the stuff where I know the parents, like one relative who wasn't allowed to move out of state after a divorce despite having no support system and a deadbeat who didn't seem to care about custody and another who was told by the state he wasn't allowed to contest it or ask for a paternity test if the mother of his child didn't want to admit he was the father on the bc. I suppose in this case, potential mothers are setting themselves up for trouble. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 As a farmers wife, I totally get this concept and it doesn't bother me one bit! LOL I actually have a tank of frozen sperm in my bedroom. It's of the bovine variety though. Last week, I got to add to the list of "conversations that I never thought I'd have." My dh brought the tank into the kitchen. Dd17 saw it and said, "Oh, is the sem*n guy coming today?" I said, "No, not the sem*n guy. It's the liquid nitrogen guy." Dd 17 "Oh, okay. :)" And my friends are all subdivision people so they find the fact that I have a tank of squigglers in the bedroom oddly fascinating."You actually sleep with that in your bedroom!" "Yeah, but they're frozen!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 I also wonder what happens if the single mom of one of the kids dies or goes to jail. Would the state come after the father for support or even raising the kids if there are no other relatives? I ddo realize that Facebook isn't the only way this situation can come about, but part of the reason sp*rm banks may be cost money is the legal set up to protect all parties involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 As a farmers wife, I totally get this concept and it doesn't bother me one bit! LOL I will admit that it's not my favorite part of the decor. I tried to move it to the closet but my dh moved it back. sigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I can only think this comes from a very old fashioned place of believing that a bio mother and father together are inherently in the best interests of the child. It's so far from where my head is that it's just bizarre. But most of the things that courts seem to do in regard to children are crazy to me - both the stuff in the news like those kids who were punished for refusing to see their father or parents tossed in jail for letting kids play alone in the park - and the stuff where I know the parents, like one relative who wasn't allowed to move out of state after a divorce despite having no support system and a deadbeat who didn't seem to care about custody and another who was told by the state he wasn't allowed to contest it or ask for a paternity test if the mother of his child didn't want to admit he was the father on the bc. I suppose in this case, potential mothers are setting themselves up for trouble. I think it does come from an old fashioned place but it often has nothing to do with the parents being together. If suddenly the woman changes her mind and wants child support, the judge could say, well, this man is the biological father and the child is entitled to that support. Also, if the father wants custody rights or visitation I can can see how the judge will be like, well the kid has a right to know both parents. I know there are contracts and some legal options but I doubt people informally sharing sperm have had a lawyer craft a legally binding and iron clad contract. Some states just won't recognize this as distinct from a bar hookup where a father, should he learn of the pregnancy and file for paternity, is entitled to parental rights unless he loses them and where a woman, if she is willing to persue it, is definitely entitled to an order for child support. I definitely know people and have heard of cases where sperm was exchanged informally and someone changes their mind. Either the woman realizes that the reality of single parenting is more financially difficult than she thought or decides that her child should know their "father" or the man realizes that he thought it was 'just sperm to help a friend" but he sees the baby and realizes it has his grandfather's nose and he feels a connection he never imagined. I'm sure there are lots of cases that work out just fine and the parents don't change their mind but it's not at all unheard of for someone to change their mind. The court messes up a lot. I wouldn't want to put the outcome of using donor sperm on the the whims of the court if I were personally in that situation. Anonymity offers a lot of protection. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 It's also more and more likely that a kid could be matched up with a totally anonymous donor because of the growing use of DNA testing / matching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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