TranquilMind Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 [ PLEASE DON'T QUOTE ME: I WILL PROBABLY DELETE] My kids will be leaving together to go on an amazing adventure next week. I know this is good for them, but I'm having that "I've come to the end of my usefulness in their lives" feeling today, as well as typical mom concern. It doesn't help that it is the anniversary of my Mom's death and I'm missing her a lot, suddenly. We went to a graduation party this weekend with FOUR involved, interested grandparents. My kids have none (one is living but disengaged). I have realized a close friendship is really one-sided. This friendship has been bumpy but it's always been me that apologized and me that let things go. Screw that ( I feel today). But good friends aren't easy to find later in life, or maybe anytime. It's overcast and dreary outside and I am one of those people who definitely react negatively to that. I'm post menopausal, and rarely get teary eyed. That's all I've been today. I miss all my dead relatives. We have no one to go to graduations and things like that. To top it all off, I'm doing a renovation and I had a "professional" tile job that was left like this with corners broken everywhere (photos included) by a guy to whom I paid thousands of dollars. The job should have looked like the properly tiled sample (attached on board with label). Argh. (Insert whine, whine, whine). Ok, I'm done. Thanks for listening, if anyone did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 (Hugs) and more (hugs) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 (Hugs) and more (hugs) Thank you... (WHY am I crying....? I didn't cry at funerals or at deathbeds.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 It's a lot, all together. The death by 10,000 cuts. (()) 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Ugh, it really stinks when there seems to be something wrong in every direction you turn.... :grouphug: Hmmmmm. For some reason I think I ought to encourage you to take quick stock of your day and find 3 good things (something you're grateful for, something that went right, something nice you did for someone or someone did for you, that sort of thing). I hope your day looks sunnier soon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 It's a lot, all together. The death by 10,000 cuts. (()) This. I'm not prone to tears. Well...after kids, sappy stories get me like never before. But, when things just pile on top of one another, it's a lot. Cry, grieve, and vent away. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Awe, I am am sorry. Good friends are harder to find the more functional you are, not the older you get. You will find other friends who are more like you, when you get the wrong ones out of the way. You won't waste time of the next dysfunctional person, you will see. The tile sucks. I bet you can get it taken care of, though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Awe, I am am sorry. Good friends are harder to find the more functional you are, not the older you get. You will find other friends who are more like you, when you get the wrong ones out of the way. You won't waste time of the next dysfunctional person, you will see. The tile sucks. I bet you can get it taken care of, though. Ha ha. The bolded actually made me laugh. I have my eccentricities, but I am a very stable and solid person (I think!). I might be lonely but I'm functional! Yeah, I can have the tile taken care of by a tear out and redo by another guy! Thousands more. Can't do. Not happy. MIght just have to redo part of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Ugh, it really stinks when there seems to be something wrong in every direction you turn.... :grouphug: Hmmmmm. For some reason I think I ought to encourage you to take quick stock of your day and find 3 good things (something you're grateful for, something that went right, something nice you did for someone or someone did for you, that sort of thing). I hope your day looks sunnier soon. Kids are healthy. Recent surgery on the complete mend. My husband loves me. Thank you and praise the Lord. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenrae Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Even though I haven't been on the board long, and don't really "know" you, I have to stop and give a virtual hug! I can so relate to your feelings! I experinece many of these same issues and sometimes it just hits you. Missing a parent, or other loved ones is difficult. Dealing with hurts due to friendships that aren't quite as supportive and strong as they should be, can be even more difficult when you don't have many family members around. Sounds like it is just all too much today. Have a good cry, vent away. Later tonight, or maybe tomorrow, hopefully you will be able to step back and see things a litte differently or be able to see a way to make improvements in the areas that you can. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Even though I haven't been on the board long, and don't really "know" you, I have to stop and give a virtual hug! I can so relate to your feelings! I experinece many of these same issues and sometimes it just hits you. Missing a parent, or other loved ones is difficult. Dealing with hurts due to friendships that aren't quite as supportive and strong as they should be, can be even more difficult when you don't have many family members around. Sounds like it is just all too much today. Have a good cry, vent away. Later tonight, or maybe tomorrow, hopefully you will be able to step back and see things a litte differently or be able to see a way to make improvements in the areas that you can. :grouphug: Thank you. Like Scarlett, "I won't think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow!" (Well, soon, anyway). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Thank you... (WHY am I crying....? I didn't cry at funerals or at deathbeds.) It all makes sense (without quoting), but much of what you've written coupled with "post-menopausal" speaks volumes. I'm usually the even-keeled, stoic one (I didn't cry at my mom's funeral)... but now that I'm in the middle of "the change" all bets are off the table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 ((Hugs)). You are dealing with a lot. That tile job is AWFUL! I can't really tell because the images are small, but it looks as if they not only installed chipped tile, but they ripped some tiles off the backing and installed them upside down. I can't imagine how they could do that without noticing. If one of our installers tried to pull that they would be instantly fired. Call the company and ask for a manager to come out and review the work, and do not pay the final payment until it is completely ripped out and redone. If you hired the installer on your own, look into filing with small claims court. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Sometimes life sucks. Buy yourself a bunch of flowers, maybe. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 () Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Hugs for you!!! :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 :grouphug: btdt my kids also only have one grandparent - who has mellowed with age, but my kids remember when she wasn't interested. I have things happen with my kids - and my mom is also deceased and I can't share them with her. big events I miss being able to do that. I can't go brag to her anymore. all I'm saying is: I understand. hugs to you, and there are times you want to share your triumphs, and it's just not the same. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 :grouphug: I get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I hope that today was a better day. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So sorry. Today would have been my mom's birthday so :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I get it as a non-cryer. You have plenty to complain about and reason to cry. You can still look at the positives- with that and a sense of humor you can get through anything. I hope today was easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 ((Hugs)). You are dealing with a lot. That tile job is AWFUL! I can't really tell because the images are small, but it looks as if they not only installed chipped tile, but they ripped some tiles off the backing and installed them upside down. I can't imagine how they could do that without noticing. If one of our installers tried to pull that they would be instantly fired. Call the company and ask for a manager to come out and review the work, and do not pay the final payment until it is completely ripped out and redone. If you hired the installer on your own, look into filing with small claims court. Thank you! The guy won't even respond to me. He chipped over half of the tiles while grouting, left them, and then just sealed it all as you see. II have a photo of him midstream in the grouting process, and the ones he had not gotten to yet appeared to be unbroken. He is a one-man operation with a helper, whose name I got from Angie's List. The helper was told by my kitchen contractor (who just stepped in!) to replace 5 white tiles that were all up and down on the wall, not flat. He angrily banged them out with a hammer, chips flying everywhere. Quite an outburst, I was told. My super awesome kitchen contractor - who does everything but tile - said he should havejust tried it himself. If he did it, he would have stopped with the first chipped tile and replaced it. If they were all chipping, he would have come to me and said we had a problem with the tile...not just left it for me and taken the money! Argh. This was the one really nice entire bathroom I have done, though I've done minor updates to others. And this is what I got. I've now met with other tile contractors. My expectations were not unreasonable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I get it as a non-cryer. You have plenty to complain about and reason to cry. You can still look at the positives- with that and a sense of humor you can get through anything. I hope today was easier. Thank you. The next day was better. I just had to transition into problem-solver mode. I usually live there, but that day was just overwhelming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 So sorry. Today would have been my mom's birthday so :grouphug: I'm sorry. I understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I hope that today was a better day. Regards, Kareni Thanks! It was. I still have to fix this though and that bathroom is on hold. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 :grouphug: btdt my kids also only have one grandparent - who has mellowed with age, but my kids remember when she wasn't interested. I have things happen with my kids - and my mom is also deceased and I can't share them with her. big events I miss being able to do that. I can't go brag to her anymore. all I'm saying is: I understand. hugs to you, and there are times you want to share your triumphs, and it's just not the same. . Yeah.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 It all makes sense (without quoting), but much of what you've written coupled with "post-menopausal" speaks volumes. I'm usually the even-keeled, stoic one (I didn't cry at my mom's funeral)... but now that I'm in the middle of "the change" all bets are off the table. But I'm done! All that should be over now... Anyway, I get what you are going through. Others need to proceed at their own peril. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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