zoobie Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 It IS time for an update. What's this year's list? Essential oils, therapy, and a vaccination exemption? Stop wearing the heathen yoga pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Stop wearing the heathen yoga pants. I took them off :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I took them off :-) No doubt because your husband threatened to spank you, either in a Christian Domestic Discipline kind of way, or a Christian Grey kind of way -- it is kind of hard to tell the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 No doubt because your husband threatened to spank you, either in a Christian Domestic Discipline kind of way, or a Christian Grey kind of way -- it is kind of hard to tell the difference. Either way it's Christian. Don't judge me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Agh people I am in a public place waiting for a kid. They will lock me up for laughing my head off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Binip, I have a kid like that as well. And with the first two, I did the whole 'don't make sugar/treats and issue and they will learn to regulate' thing, and it worked fine! With dd3 however, it does not. If she knows that having a treat is at all a possibility, she will be incessant about asking, begging, pleading, bargaining, whining, badgering, ect. for it. I've tried to deal with it firmly and gently and consistently. The only thing that has worked is a similar strategy...DO NOT ASK FOR TREATS OR YOU WILL NOT HAVE ANY. We don't even keep treats in the house other than what they receive for a holiday! She's the type of kid who will get into the sugar jar though. Anything for a "fix". Now, she's only four, and I know that impulse control is nil at this age, so I don't know if there is something more to her behavior or not....but setting a firm 'no asking' limit has saved my sanity. And ironically, it has seemed to help HER to calm down about it as well. OP, I don't know all the details of your other posts, but from your update on this thread, I do agree that there is a LOT going on for you right now. 😟 Being pregnant and overwhelmed is awful, I hope you get a break and some peace soon. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I agree, albeto. If people look at any one of the things you mentioned, it may not seem like a big deal, but when everything is all combined together in one place as you did in the post I quoted, it adds up overall to an incredibly stressful and difficult life. I would go so far as to say it is beyond stressful and into the category of overwhelming -- or at least it sure would be for me. Six children, five with identified special needs, and one on the way, pregnant at 44. I would put that in a category so far beyond "stressful and difficult," that "stressful and difficult" would look like a trip to Club Med in comparison. The fact that the OP spent the last nine months alternating between depression and painting and redecorating the house/considering jury duty, I'm wondering if she's got some tendencies to act impulsively as well, and then break when it's all too much. I think anyone could understand this, and I think most of us would break long before the OP does. This is why I suggest creating a super tight schedule that isn't flexible. Let everyone have a sense of predictability and security, the opportunity to know with some confidence what to expect in the immediate future. I also think some kind of therapy might be helpful when she's got the time to figure out how to schedule that in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 This is last year's list. Where are the essential oils?? Coconut oil. Need coconut oil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Coconut oil. Need coconut oil. Oil pulling! How could I forget? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Lol Binip! I think we have the same child. :) Clone here too. He's not allowed to ask for TV until after lunch or he loses his chance for the day :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Just today I grabbed a twin pack nutty bar that I found in the car after a hike and didn't even share it with the kids. I hooked them up with nut thins and raisins and surreptitiously munched on the nutty bars in the front seat while they were distracted with their books and healthier snacks. I was grabby and selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 We used to gave a less strict approach but it ended in meltdowns every night. That is because the goal for the kids was not, "eat enough food to feel satisfied" but "see whether lunch boundaries apply at dinner." And they would test endlessly. It was not about food. Firm, absolute limits allow them to go beyond testing limits and engage in a relationship and give them the freedom to enjoy food without having to compulsively test every single limit. "Can I put food on the floor?" Hornblower... No, they would not get hungry later. I'd they would, about 10% of my parenting could be discarded. My neighbor's daughter subsists entirely on a breakfast bar, lunch carbs, and a side of carbs at dinner. She is normal height/weight. It would be really cool if eating an apple at dinner did not fill up my kids. We have fruit for dessert too. Bakes goods maybe 2x/month? I am a huge believer in natural consequences. My kids are not believers in responding to natural consequences by adapting their behavior. I know it sounds insane. If I'd have read myself 10 years ago, I would have thought, "You're obviously too controlling. If you would start out as I intend to start out, gently and using very simple logical consequences, your children would develop normally into self-regulating beings without control issues, boundary pushing behavior, and you wouldn't be dealing with this. You would find that the love developed during the attachment phase would create an environment in which children don't feel the need to challenge your every move." I don't know what went wrong, actually. But somehow, in attempting to enforce basic boundaries about, you know, my right to sleep at night, eat three meals a day, and not have anyone hit me or throw things, we got to this endless list of specific rules with specific consequences. I don't think it sounds like a good idea, either. It is just what I have developed to survive. I think you must have been at my house sometime within the last 10 years. Yes, sometimes it IS all about survival. My oldest especially will go into the college/adult world with several handicaps. Self-moderation is likely one of them. All the shrieking on the internet about how "She must develop this to become a functioning adult" doesn't face my reality each day; that without external motivators to keep certain things in control, (ie internet usage, eating habits, time in the bathroom, keeping to a good sleep routine, balancing her social time with downtime, various other things) my dd becomes a hateful, self-centered shrew who is abusive to the rest of the family. I know she will probably have to learn the hard way to do these things on her own when she leave home. However, I will not sacrifice my own sanity and the peace in my household (that my other 3 kids desperately need a modicum of) to allow her to "find her own way." Yes, my dd will eat all the "good cereal" over a 2 day period and leave nothing for siblings and then complain the next day that there's no good cereal anymore. Yes, my dd will use every drop of hot water so the rest of the family gets cold showers. Yes, my dd will spend hours on the internet chatting with friends, and not allow the other kids to have their turns with the computer. Reminders that "other people like turns too," result in attitude, eyerolls, and grumpiness. Yes, my dd will spend days and nights at friends houses and come home after "using up all her niceness" and be miserably grumpy for a week. Yes, my dd will stay up late, keeping her sister, with whom she shares a room awake. My dd is a good kid, with no special needs or diagnosis. However, in many regards, especially in relation to selfishness and the needs of others, she's still very much 13 years old. I have hope that she will outgrow this stuff, but for our own peace and for fairness to my other kids in this house we must be ridiculously rigid. I don't know what I did wrong either. However, my other kids are much more "normal" in the way that they approach the world. So I know it's probably not just me. I think my dd will probably blame me for her problems as an adult. However, dealing with the fallout right now, with other kids in the house, just is more than I can face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Just today I grabbed a twin pack nutty bar that I found in the car after a hike and didn't even share it with the kids. I hooked them up with nut thins and raisins and surreptitiously munched on the nutty bars in the front seat while they were distracted with their books and healthier snacks. I was grabby and selfish. That isn't considered acceptable in my car. Its all part of character training. Though shall not grab and enjoy nutty bars without sharing with your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 1. Buy a box of unscented lady needs. 2. Dump them out. 3. Viola! Storage!! I can see the 4 and under crowd seeing chocolate and eating it. The 5 and up crowd should ask. 10? You should be able to leave your Mom Chocolate on the counter without anyone touching it. I'm not anti treat. I'm not 100% healthy no sugar. To grab and run, not listen, and take what they know is not theirs (and is normally off limits) are huge issues for me. I'd tomato stake and work constantly on self control and impulse control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 When I eat candy alone, I feel I'm rendering a service to the others in the house. Most of them don't need the calories, some of them shouldn't have the sugar. I must sacrifice because I am the one with the best ability to metabolize sweets. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 When I eat candy alone, I feel I'm rendering a service to the others in the house. Most of them don't need the calories, some of them shouldn't have the sugar. I must sacrifice because I am the one with the best ability to metabolize sweets. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. If you were Catholic, I'm pretty sure they would make you a saint for that. Such unparallelled generosity and concern for others. I bow before you. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 We had leftover snickerdoodles for breakfast yesterday, because I was too lazy to make toast. :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 You have lots of advice some of which I've read and agree with, some of which I've read and I don't. First, hugs. Second, one poster mentioned not having good snacks as a child and so they ate them as quickly so as to make sure they got the good snacks. Our family really struggles having enough money to buy food. It's hard. I'm sure that when my kids grow up they might question why we didn't have snack around all the time. Here is One thing that has helped tremendously: when we go grocery shopping each child is allowed to purchase ANY two items they want. I won't even question it. when they get home they can eat their snacks whenever they want, and no one else is allowed to touch them. when I shop also my special items for myself and for dh. there's no longer any complaining about the special snacks. everyone gets some of what they might want. but I also can't go to the store to pick up special items for my kids whenever they might want that for supper (and I don't begrudge you for this, for us it isn't possible). The store is too far away. You eat what we have, and if you're still hungry well there's always apples or carrots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 When I eat candy alone, I feel I'm rendering a service to the others in the house. Most of them don't need the calories, some of them shouldn't have the sugar. I must sacrifice because I am the one with the best ability to metabolize sweets. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. I do this at work. You're welcome, dieters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I think you must have been at my house sometime within the last 10 years. Yes, sometimes it IS all about survival. My oldest especially will go into the college/adult world with several handicaps. Self-moderation is likely one of them. All the shrieking on the internet about how "She must develop this to become a functioning adult" doesn't face my reality each day; that without external motivators to keep certain things in control, (ie internet usage, eating habits, time in the bathroom, keeping to a good sleep routine, balancing her social time with downtime, various other things) my dd becomes a hateful, self-centered shrew who is abusive to the rest of the family. I know she will probably have to learn the hard way to do these things on her own when she leave home. However, I will not sacrifice my own sanity and the peace in my household (that my other 3 kids desperately need a modicum of) to allow her to "find her own way." Yes, my dd will eat all the "good cereal" over a 2 day period and leave nothing for siblings and then complain the next day that there's no good cereal anymore. Yes, my dd will use every drop of hot water so the rest of the family gets cold showers. Yes, my dd will spend hours on the internet chatting with friends, and not allow the other kids to have their turns with the computer. Reminders that "other people like turns too," result in attitude, eyerolls, and grumpiness. Yes, my dd will spend days and nights at friends houses and come home after "using up all her niceness" and be miserably grumpy for a week. Yes, my dd will stay up late, keeping her sister, with whom she shares a room awake. My dd is a good kid, with no special needs or diagnosis. However, in many regards, especially in relation to selfishness and the needs of others, she's still very much 13 years old. I have hope that she will outgrow this stuff, but for our own peace and for fairness to my other kids in this house we must be ridiculously rigid. I don't know what I did wrong either. However, my other kids are much more "normal" in the way that they approach the world. So I know it's probably not just me. I think my dd will probably blame me for her problems as an adult. However, dealing with the fallout right now, with other kids in the house, just is more than I can face. I think our daughters should share a dorm room in college. Or at least room together during a three-month writing seminar or something. That oughta cure them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I think our daughters should share a dorm room in college. Or at least room together during a three-month writing seminar or something. That oughta cure them. Oh my word. That is exactly what they both probably need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I really don't know anymore. I think I have blocked out a lot of my kids' behaviors from when they were younger. Surely they were perfect angels! But about your son being so silly and thinking he is being funny--I'd talk to him about this, in an open, informative way, not in a chiding, you are doing things so terribly wrong way. I do think by age ten kids should be able to regulate their actions depending on the situation. You could even set aside specific "be silly" times. Show when and where it is appropriate. Get him to start thinking too about YOUR stress level. I'd also talk a lot about how the way he reacts to treats in the house actually makes you less likely to get treats because you just don't want to deal with that. I think I harped on my kids about household harmony a lot. Items or activities that resulted in a decrease of harmony were going to be dropped. Honestly though, I think my kids were pretty easy and not big boundary pushers but we still had our moments. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I think our daughters should share a dorm room in college. Or at least room together during a three-month writing seminar or something. That oughta cure them. Cage match! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I think our daughters should share a dorm room in college. Or at least room together during a three-month writing seminar or something. That oughta cure them. Dd shares a campus apartment with three other girls. The others lived together for half a year before dd moved in. Nothing bonded those three girls quite like their experience of living with my daughter....the one who never volunteers to wash dishes, clean the bathroom, or take out the trash. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly sure her personal room has a term's worth of empty Coke and water bottles. She moves out tomorrow, as it's the end of the term and she's studying in Japan next term. Pretty sure those there girls are throwing a party...and re-evaluating the questions they ask before accepting a new housemate. Really, I thought dd would have picked up some of the good habits from her housemates. I can dream, can't I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.