Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Anyone else see this one? http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/11/devastated-by-my-sons-tattoo I'm sure that some on this board will feel for her a little more, but I must say I came away feeling like she had not understood the whole point of parenting. When my kids go live their own lives, I hope I'll be able to celebrate them and trust them and not wallow in self-pity that I'm not in charge of them anymore or take their decisions about their own lives and bodies as personal affronts to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 That was horrible and I felt bad for her son. I don't want my dds to get any tattoos either but there is not way I would react the way that woman did. I want them to share their adult lives with me and I think the way she reacted would cause him to keep things from her in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I didn't read the whole article. I got to the part where she didn't talk to him for 3 DAYS!!! That was far enough for me. :001_rolleyes: :001_rolleyes: :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I couldn't even read it all. I got half-way through and wondered why I was wasting time reading this whining and melodramatic cry-babying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I'm totally against tattoo's for myself personally, and basically until my kiddo is 21 won't be allowed to get one. But once he's of age, then it will be his decision. I think she went over the top, too emotional and taking it so personally. The whole issue isn't about the tattoo but that she no longer has any control of her son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I will be honest, I was feeling some sympathy for her, not because I agree, but because it seems like she has a serious phobia about tattoos and his getting a tattoo is bringing up all kinds of personal emotions for her that are not really related to being someone's mother and wanting to control them,but to her irrational fear of tattoos and what tattoos represent to her in her own mind. I do have a relative that has a phobia about snakes. It felt like they had a similar reaction. Not one that is easy to control. But with her last lines, I realize she also is seriously in need of a reality check. Because with the last line she really does seem to be saying that if her son does anything that is different than what she thinks he should do that he might be deliberately trying to hurt her and reject her and that she no longer feels like his mother or that she has any value in his life. And that is really sad. Goodness, kids are separate people. They SHOULD be making their own decisions. Sometimes we will agree and sometimes we won't, but they need to function on their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 She'd rather he'd have gotten a girl pregnant than a tattoo ? Lady, that is warped. If the worst thing my kids do by 21 is get a tattoo, I'll be a happy mother. (And I don't even like tattoos.) Not just get a girl pregnant. She implied she would rather he had lost his arm in a car accident! I mean... :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Wow. Insane overreaction much??? :svengo: I'm the first person to admit that I don't care for tattoos, but good heavens, that woman reached a brand new level of drama queen. I feel so sorry for her poor son. Her ADULT son. He got a tattoo. He didn't admit he was a serial killer. What's the big deal??? If she cried and cried and didn't speak to him for days, she has some serious emotional issues and she may want to think about getting some help. I'm not saying she should have said she liked the tattoo if she didn't, but her reaction was so far beyond over-the-top that I truly believe she has psychological problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 But with her last lines, I realize she also is seriously in need of a reality check. Because with the last line she really does seem to be saying that if her son does anything that is different than what she thinks he should do that he might be deliberately trying to hurt her and reject her and that she no longer feels like his mother or that she has any value in his life. And that is really sad. Goodness, kids are separate people. They SHOULD be making their own decisions. Sometimes we will agree and sometimes we won't, but they need to function on their own. Exactly, right? That's why I felt like she had missed the whole point of parenting. You don't have kids to control them forever. And if you did, then you should maybe rethink that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Ugh. Just....ugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Not just get a girl pregnant. She implied she would rather he had lost his arm in a car accident! I mean... :huh: Yup. Something is definitely amiss in that woman's mind. And to write about it and post it online makes it even worse. She seems almost proud of her behavior. She clearly doesn't realize how unhinged she sounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 It had the feel of purposeful melodrama to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 I don't think *she* ever saw what the tattoo looks like, so I guess we'll never know. We could speculate... maybe it says "Mom" with a heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I want to see what the tattoo looks like Lol Honestly I think my reaction would be influenced by that. But even the worst tattoo I wouldn't shut my kid out for 3 days. On my drive home from college for a visit home I stopped and got my first/only piercing ever (eyebrow). My conservative parents weren't very happy and my grandmother asked me what happened to my eye haha I thought we would have at least gotten a description of the tattoo!!! I believe we deserved to know what it looked like, after we suffered through her entire idiotic article. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Yup. Something is definitely amiss in that woman's mind. And to write about it and post it online makes it even worse. She seems almost proud of her behavior. She clearly doesn't realize how unhinged she sounds. I couldn't decide if she knew she was warped or not. On the one hand, it was written as if parents would get what she was going through and sympathize. On the other hand, she used a pseudonym. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I don't think *she* ever saw what the tattoo looks like, so I guess we'll never know. We could speculate... maybe it says "Mom" with a heart. Wouldn't it be great if that's what it really was??? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I really dislike tattoos. I do. But wow. I can't even imagine. I do feel for her. Mental illness right there. I hope this essay is written provocatively on purpose, and it is not a true portrait of the author. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I couldn't decide if she knew she was warped or not. She said, "I know I'm being completely unreasonable. This level of grief is absurd." She knew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I couldn't even read it all. I got half-way through and wondered why I was wasting time reading this whining and melodramatic cry-babying! I read the whole thing, and I can confidently tell you that you were a wiser woman than I was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 She said, "I know I'm being completely unreasonable. This level of grief is absurd." She knew. But she still somehow managed to type it all out and put it on the Internet... :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 she called her own reaction over the top in the headline ("OTT"), so I really didn't know how seriously to take it all. I'm just hoping she is an attention-seeker who made the whole story up. I would hate to think that some perfectly pleasant 21yo young man is stuck with a self-centered, overly emotional control freak like her for a mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I think that woman has a screw loose. Holy smokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 But she still somehow managed to type it all out and put it on the Internet... :rolleyes: Well, it is well written. She probably got paid for it. Every line sounds like an exaggeration. But if the reality was that she felt somewhat nostalgic and a bit irritated, and didn't talk to him for 3 minutes, and then said, "How could you!" and tussled his hair and decided he was a great young man and it didn't matter that he had a tattoo---well, that's a boring essay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Maybe putting it out there was her way of getting it out of her system. Like LiveJournal, but more public lol The whole thing sounded pretty contrived, like she was intentionally milking every last emotion out of it. It was DRAMA in all capital letters because nothing less can describe it. I hope she was exaggerating for effect (and maybe for some online personal experience writing contest or something!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Well, it is well written. She probably got paid for it. Every line sounds like an exaggeration. But if the reality was that she felt somewhat nostalgic and a bit irritated, and didn't talk to him for 3 minutes, and then said, "How could you!" and tussled his hair and decided he was a great young man and it didn't matter that he had a tattoo---well, that's a boring essay. I got the same impression about it being overly exaggerated and dramatic. I can't imagine anyone actually behaving that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 She said, "I know I'm being completely unreasonable. This level of grief is absurd." She knew. But then she still seemed like she was writing it with an expectation of sympathy, as if other parents would relate to her feelings - if not about tattoos specifically, about the loss of control of an adult child. I think she sort of knew, but I wasn't sure. On the one hand, I want to laugh and roll my eyes, but I'm also sort of saddened by it. I'm sure she's not the only parent living life through her kids and freaking out when she's not allowed to make their life choices anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I need to start writing emotionally overwrought articles for buzzfeed. (8 ways to you know you're an insane parent .) I'm wasting my best material here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Well, if you re-read the whole thing, honestly while she admitted that the reaction she had initially was over the top, she also seems to feel pretty strongly that the fact that he knew how she felt about tattoos and did it anyway really does mean that he has kind of rejected her in her mother role now and that she has the right to be utterly devastated and grieve the loss of her relationship with her son. And that she expects sympathy from other mothers for that, even if the specific initial reaction over the tattoo was over the top. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 It's like a blog post but in a newspaper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delirium Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I kept reading, expecting at anytime for it to not really be about a tattoo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 It's like a blog post but in a newspaper. Sadly, I feel like that's most of what's in "newspapers" these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 If he got #4 he wouldn't even have to tell her ;) http://guff.com/these-are-the-most-awesomely-inventive-tattoos/ Gah! Number 3 is freaking me out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I think it is fabulous he cleaved those apron strings, she would have strangled him with them if given the chance by the sounds of it. What a melodramatic person. It's a tattoo on his arm for goodness sake, get over it. I know my mom hated when I got my tattoos, she told me so and has continued to do so for 19 years, but I love my tattoos still (well to be honest I want to do a cover up on one to update it but the premise of it will remain unchanging). I could not imagine not talking to my kids for 3 days over body art. then again my kids know that if they have saved up the money, had a non vulgar design chosen for at least a year, and are putting it on a part of the body easily covered for work, I will sign the consent for them to have it done as young as 16. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I kept reading, expecting at anytime for it to not really be about a tattoo. It wasn't exactly. In my opinion, it was really about him doing, as she said, the one thing she asked him not to do, the one thing he knew would really bother her. And I don't think it is so much that she would rather him get someone pregnant or lose an arm. I think she was saying that those things wouldn't have been intentional choices that...ugh...for lack of a better word...disrespected her very strong feelings about this one particular thing. To be clear, I do think her feelings were over the top, but I will admit that I do feel a twinge of sympathy. I am not always a reasonable human being. I am imperfect, with imperfect emotions. And I WANT my kids to be independent and self-confident and make their own choices. But there are things that I really, really don't want them to do that I really, really hope they don't do and I know I would be really, really upset if they did those things. Wouldn't post it online though. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I honestly didn't even realize people had those kind of strong feelings towards tattoos in this day and age. I have a few and at least 4-5 are almost always visible (I live in a hot place so I don't wear sleeves). I just can't imagine getting so worked up about something so harmless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Good grief! I don't like tattoos (no offense to anyone who has one, just not my thing), but my 22 yo son now has three and it didn't phase me in the least. I am so proud of the man he is and I love the person he is so who gives a rip if he has a tattoo? I am much more interested in a person's heart than how they choose to adorn their body. I would much rather be witness to a tattoo than the drama this woman is displaying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Good grief! I don't like tattoos (no offense to anyone who has one, just not my thing), but my 22 yo son now has three and it didn't phase me in the least. I am so proud of the man he is and I love the person he is so who gives a rip if he has a tattoo? I am much more interested in a person's heart than how they choose to adorn their body. I would much rather be witness to a tattoo than the drama this woman is displaying. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I'd be worked up moreso depending on the tattoo. Like one that says "no regets" (you know, with a missing letter. Ugh) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Maybe in the sequel to the article, the woman's husband will get a tattoo and she won't speak to him for a whole week. And then we'll find the husband's article on how to get your overbearing wife to stop speaking to you for a whole week... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 It wasn't about the tattoo. It was about him doing something she strongly disapproves of even though, you know, she strongly disapproves of it. That is completely different than if he lost his arm. If he lost his arm she could take care of him and help him.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IdahoHomeschooler Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Oh, FFS. What a charmed life this woman must lead for a tattoo to be such a tragedy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I need to start writing emotionally overwrought articles for buzzfeed. (8 ways to you know you're an insane parent .) I'm wasting my best material here. OK, but when you do, just promise you'll post a link so we can pass it along and tell people we know you. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Ditto. And I mean, I can do overwrought. You might need to practice the whole overwrought thing. That woman has it honed to an art form. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Looking at the length of this thread already, I guess I stared at the article for a little too long. She can't possibly be serious can she??!! Are there actual parents that over react to that extent? Really? A cool picture on his arm won't ruin his life, but a baby that he's responsible for before he's ready, or a missing limb sure can. I don't like tats, I don't want them, and I won't let my kids get one while they are still underage, but if that's the worst thing they do when they hit adulthood, I will be exceptionally relieved and happy. And really, it's his body and his life, how long was she thinking she got to control it? It's just crazy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Oh, you've only seen my wrought side here Cat. I've had practice. Trust me :) I didn't realize you were such a professional! I'm very impressed. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I would cry I know I would to be honest. I would be upset but no I wouldn't act this way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Well, I try to stay modest about my losing the plot skills... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Oh good grief. I can't say I love tattoos, but she seems to be making her own crisis. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Sadly, I feel like that's most of what's in "newspapers" these days. It's in the 'lifestyle' section of the newspaper - overall the Guardian is a serious paper that is worth reading. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Some of it is generational. I am the oldest in may family and we spread over 30 years, my attitude to tattoos (only for sailors, tarts and gang members) is quite different than my younger siblings some of whom have tattoos. My grandmother had the same response to pierced ears and I also feel that way about other piercings. But I wouldn't tell my kids that something they wanted to do was that upsetting to me as I wouldn't want to emotionally blackmail them. There are a couple of things that would affect me that much but they are unlikely to do them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Well, she's beyond out of control. If she sees her ds completely differently now, she hasn't been paying attention to him growing up. She's only watched the superficial milestones she guided him to do. It's sad he's 21 and she doesn't know her son. If my ds had a tattoo of a gang/political party that promoted genocide, I would have a big problem. The problem wouldn't be the tattoo. This woman doesn't even know what her son has. I dislike tattoos, but there's always going to be something I dislike. Ds is not me. Being a WHOLE person with autonomy of thought is so much more important than my dislike of just about anything. FTR I dislike ear gauges more. I don't know why, but they are just ugly to me. But again, not a reason to throw our relationship in the trash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.