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*CC content* My adult son has major doubts about God, faith, etc. Help appreciated!

jak of in

By jak of in,
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jak of in

jak of in

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My ds (24) is having serious doubt about the existence of God, believing the Bible, etc.  He wants evidence and has a hard time believing something based on faith. Also, he says he will not believe based on a threat (hell).

 

Anyway, I do not know how to help him.  I am NOT science-minded or an intellectual, which he is.  I would really like some resource to give him that can help him in his search. Maybe a seminar/talk to listen to or a short book to read.  

 

I am so upset that he seems to be rejecting his faith completely.  Thanks for any help.  

 

jak

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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MotherGoose

MotherGoose

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I like the lee strobel books too. I think that approaching it with him as an adult, and not as a parent/ child thing is a good idea. Let him know that you respect his ability to make a decision, don't go at it as "oh my I raised you as a good Christian boy and now look at you" kind of thing. Talk to him about it, reflect back what he's saying without judgement. He's talking to you about this! he's not hiding it and pretending everything is okay. It's part of a spiritual journey. If he's really scientifically minded, try " new proofs for the existence of God" by Spitzer. I couldn't get thru it, but it's amazing I believe. Sorry for errors, ipad.

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TechWife

TechWife

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The following books by Ravi Zacharias might be helpful. 

 

Can Man Live Without God?

Why Jesus? 

Jesus Among Other Gods

The End of Reason

The Real Face of Atheism (more for you than him)

Who Made God? 

Has Christianity Failed You? 

 

Ravi Zacharias is an intellectual who has dedicated his life to Christian apologetics. His website is very informative as well, you might find it helpful to spend some time there. The tagline of his ministry is "Helping the thinker believe. Helping the believer think." 

 

 

ETA: A search on youtube will turn up dozens of Ravi's talks. There are some on his blog as well. 

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sbgrace

sbgrace

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Greg Boyd Benefit of the Doubt http://www.amazon.com/Benefit-Doubt-Breaking-Idol-Certainty/dp/0801014921 He speaks about the hell thing in there...your son is right about fear based religious belief. Love him with the love of Christ and pray for his heart quietly.

 

and Letters from a Skeptic http://www.amazon.com/Letters-Skeptic-Wrestles-Questions-Christianity/dp/1434799808/ref=pd_sim_b_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=0WAX3XSV8H0JR4P2ES52 are both very good if he's interested. You can't reason into a solid faith though. You really can't. It's a reasonable faith, but no one can prove beyond any doubt. I really like Boyd, if there is interest.

 

 

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Joanne

Joanne

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My higher power *is* science. Strobel and AiG materials made me want to pluck my leg hairs out one by one. Lewis was well written but not convincing.

 

If you feel the need to offer Christian material, Richard Rohr is an option. He's Catholic, but presents an intelligent and inclusive and loved-based theology.

 

(Coming back to quietly add a gentle caution to tread carefully. While my doubts emerged from life and inconsistencies of theology, it was Christians - in person, on forums, in writing- that finished the job.)

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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Others have suggested excellent resources. I'd like to point out something else. Ruth Bell Graham, wife of Billy Graham, went through an intense period of doubting when she was at Wheaton College. She wrote in one of her books about it (I think it's her biography) and she said she needed to battle this out and argue with people about it because she needed to come to her own conclusions, rather than "inheriting" her faith from her missionary parents.

 

All our children need to come to terms with their beliefs, the whys and the doubting. You have evidently raised him and taught him the Christian tenets. Trust that God will reveal himself to your ds. This may not happen today or tomorrow but could take some time. It may be a process and it may be a little painful for you. This is where prayer comes in. :)

Trust the Almighty that He has this handled...

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jak of in

jak of in

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Thank you, thank you for taking time to respond!  I haven't read all the replies yet, but will take time to explore all of them and look up all the book suggestions.  Prayer is about all I've been doing lately.  Someone suggested make sure to treat him as the adult that he is, and always pray...quietly.   Good reminder.  

 

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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Thank you, thank you for taking time to respond!  I haven't read all the replies yet, but will take time to explore all of them and look up all the book suggestions.  Prayer is about all I've been doing lately.  Someone suggested make sure to treat him as the adult that he is, and always pray...quietly.   Good reminder.  

 

And to show him love and respect regardless of his current position on faith issues. You know you love him unconditionally, make sure he knows his doubting is not changing that.

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Mrs Mungo

Mrs Mungo

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One of the best books I read on the subject, though highly pedantic, was "Starlight and Time". The appendices might not be his cup of tea, I liked the actual number crunching :)

http://www.amazon.com/Starlight-Time-Russell-Humphreys-Ph-D/dp/0890512027

If he is a science guy, then this is precisely the sort of thing that could push him further away. This book has been widely refuted by scientists, including some who are Christians.

 

http://www.reasons.org/articles/the-unraveling-of-starlight-and-time

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Little Nyssa

Little Nyssa

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Such a crisis on the part of a young person can be immensely anxiety-provoking. In addition to the above suggestions of apologetical reading, I would concentrate on our relationship and making sure he knows I am there for him, and I would also spend time together and make sure we talk about other things as well.

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Mergath

Mergath

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Some people like the "Evidence that Demands a Verdict" book or books by Lee Strobel like "The Case for Christ" and others.  But you know that this really is his struggle.  You can suggest some books but it's going to be up to him to work this out in his soul.   :grouphug:

 

As someone of the same type as the op's son, I have to say that "The Case for Christ" probably isn't going to do much.  I read it once purely because someone told me that if I read it, I would just magically become a Christian and believe in the inerrancy of the bible (and I can't resist a challenge, lol) and I wasn't impressed.  Anyone who has studied Christianity can easily refute all of Strobel's claims.  He doesn't delve into any of the things that make people leave Christianity.

 

Honestly, as someone who was a Christian in my youth and isn't now, there isn't really anything you (the op) can give your son to make him believe, and a lot of the materials out there now are likely to push him away more than anything else.  Just give him time and love to figure things out for himself.

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toawh

toawh

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What I understand of this situation reminds me of my own path. I tried multiple times as a young adult to gently let my extremely religious parents know that I had doubts regarding what they had raised me to believe. These confessions always resulted in reading lists. Sometimes the books were even handed to me and I was "checked on" to see if I'd gotten a chance to read them yet, which was awkward as often my reaction as a non-believer contrasted with theirs. I wasn't looking to be cured. I was anxious going through new territory and wanted a confirmation of their parental love and acceptance.

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milovany

milovany

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If it blesses him to know this, he and St. John the Baptist could have kept company. St. John baptized Christ and heard God's audible voice from heaven speak, saying Christ is His beloved son -- and yet he still questioned what he had seen and known. Maybe seeing and knowing (iow, proof) is not the point.

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Joules

Joules

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He might enjoy the Test of Faith video series:

http://www.testoffaith.com/film/

"The relationship between science and faith is often represented as a battleground. The claim is that science has pushed God into the margins. But is the truth more complex? Talking to leading scientist-believers, we probe the issues at the heart of this debate. Has science really murdered God? Or is the God question being redefined in new ways by science? Does the possibility of a Creator remain an ineradicable challenge?"

 

Episodes:

Beyond Reason? – Science, faith and the universe (28 mins)

An Accident in the Making? – Creation, evolution and the environment (32 mins)

Is there anybody there? – The brain, freewill and ethics (28 mins)

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MFG

MFG

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Does your son want something to read or listen to? I think you should only suggest something if he asks for it.

Does your son attend church, either with you or on his own? I would try to gently encourage attendance and do what I could to make church a welcoming place. And pray. The formation and strengthening of faith is a work of the Holy Spirit, not an intellectual course of study.

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kiwik

kiwik

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You could trust, that as an adult, he is capable of exploring his own faith journey.

 

And pray for him. Quietly.

He is an adult. He gets to decide what he believes and practice it provided it is legal.

 

You get to love him, pray for him and hope it is only temporary.

 

And I agree, the fear of hell is a bad reason for following a religion.

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Greta

Greta

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In my personal experience and in my observation of many (though certainly not all) other people, the 20's are a time of skepticism, doubt, and sometimes outright negativity about a lot of things. And that's okay. I think it's a normal phase of maturation that we all have to go through. Just know that it isn't forever.

 

You said that you are praying fervently, and I think that that, combined with letting him know (through words and/or actions as you see fit) that you love him and will be there for him no matter what, are the two best things that you can do.

 

I'm not sure which, if any, books to recommend, because I think you need to be cautious about just giving him a reading list. Christianity is a reasonable faith, but it also takes more than just pure reason to have faith. Faith is heart issue, not just an intellectual issue. As a person with a background in the biological sciences (so who, yes, accepted and still accepts evolution) who was a staunch atheist for many years, I can tell you there's really no argument that anyone could have made that would have convinced me that Christ is God. I had an experience of Christ. And that's not something you can give him in a book (except the gospels). Prayerfully consider which, if any, books to recommend. It may be that for him, reading a book written by a very scientific, intellectual person whose faith survived a crisis could be exactly what he's looking for. You know him best.

 

Since others have already argued the pros and cons of giving him YE Creationist versus theistic evolution materials, I won't get into that (but since I've already said that I believe in theistic evolution, I'm sure you can guess which one I'd advocate!). But I will say that I think that the mistake lies in making YE Creationism out to be a fundamental tenet of the faith. It isn't. Christ's resurrection is the fundamental tenet of the faith. I have known several people, friends and close family members, whose faith was utterly destroyed because they had grown up in a religion that tied YEC inextricably to the faith, and then they learned about evolution and everything came tumbling down like a house of cards. My advice would be that if this issue comes up, let him know that there are sincere Christians on both "sides" of the debate, and that's okay. Because what defines our faith is Christ.

 

Prayers for you and for your family,

Greta

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