Getting older and letting yourself go vs. getting comfortable in your own skin

[Soror]

In light of the recent threads and irl events and convos I was thinking about this. I wore a regular swimsuit bottom this year for the first time in many years, a regular bottom with a tankini top and no cover-up. I've been a bit self-conscious of doing this for years, even though I'm usually a size 3-5. I felt confident in regular clothes but swimsuits made me feel squeamish. Ironically gaining weight and having difficulty with it forced me to look at all and work on accepting myself, regardless of my size. Right now I'm still bigger than my usual size, yet I felt more comfortable in that swimsuit than I have in ages. I started loving myself naked first. I'm sure this looks like to some that I've let myself go but I'm feeling good. I am actually working on losing weight and it is finally happening since my thyroid is being treated.

 

So, have you found that you are more confident in your own skin as you age? Do you think back now to your young self and laugh? I laugh at all the imperfections I saw in my young self and my stupid judgement of thinking this person or that person should or shouldn't be wearing this or that. I'm feeling much more loving and forgiving of myself and others. All too often we are too hard on ourselves. As we age our body changes, we can take care of ourselves to minimize it but life does change things. 

[SeaConquest]

I definitely agree with you. Ironically, one of the things that helped me to get over my body image issues was taking pole dancing classes with a bunch of very thin model/actress types in LA. After the introductory class, I went out into the parking lot and bawled my eyes out. I was completely mortified about my body. I resolved right then to sign up for the full 8 week class. I figured that if I had that strong a reaction to the class that I had serious work to do.

 

When our instructor asked us why we had signed up for the course, I told her my parking lot story. She said to me, "So, your philosophy is to do one thing every day that scares you?" I had never thought of myself in that way, and it was very empowering. I went on to dance in that class for two years, only stopping due to pregnancy. I did get stronger and a bit thinner (but still was the heaviest girl in my classes by far), but more importantly, I finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin. I've recommended pole dancing classes (they were from S Factor) to many of my friends and they all had the same experience.

 

If you compared my (much younger) husband and I, it would probably appear that he is much more attractive than I am. But, I swear that it was, at least in some part, the confidence in myself that I gained from dancing that helped me to snag him (and keep him through all the wear and tear caused by two pregnancies). ;)

[OneStepAtATime]

I think I value health and physical strength more now that I am older.  I was always pretty comfortable in my own skin.  But I get what you are saying.  Being insulted or complimented on appearance alone just doesn't affect me the way it might have when I was much younger. 

[HRAAB]

I am far more comfortable with my body now at 53 than I was at 23 when I could easily wear a bikini.  (Obviously I don't wear bikinis anymore )  It has nothing to do with my body - I'm 20/25 lbs heavier - but it comes from inside.  I've just reached a point where I am okay with me, and I feel good about it.  When I was younger, I was quite judgmental about what others wore, but I was most judgmental about myself.  I was always finding fault with the way I looked, and now that I can legitimately find fault with my body, I don't care.  That doesn't mean I don't take care of myself; I do.  It just means I am comfortable and confident with me.  I tell myself that the wisdom I've gained outweighs the pounds and gray hair.

[Cakes]

Perhaps it is less of 'letting yourself go' and more of finally accepting yourself?

 

I have always been more on the slender side and yet always very self critical. Now that I am mid forties, I work out more than I have in my life and I know there was plenty of time in my life when my body looked much better (ah, wasted youth) yet, I am learning to lighten up on myself. I think it is healthier than hiding my body all the time due to insecurities!

 

Cheers to us older chicks!

[Starr]

Comfortable with myself, yes. Comforable in my *old skin*, never. :D

[SKL]

Well, yeah, I started thinking that really nobody cares to look at me, but now I am not so sure.  ;)

 

I used to worry about acne, but now not so much.  I still wash with medicated soap but I don't worry about annihilating every zit, LOL  I don't comb my hair more than once a day unless it's messy when I'm about to enter an important meeting or something.  I am not so militant about avoiding fat. I'm pretty sure choices like this have a net positive effect on how I come across.  And if they don't - I don't care.  I'm not sure why I ever did care.

 

I'm going on 48 so maybe this is my reward for getting this far.  ;)  A sort of partial retirement from the hardships of womanhood.  :P

 

I do need to be a bit more intentional about my belly, though.  I don't like the way it looks.  It should be easy to fix with a little sustained discipline.  I guess I'm still seeking the right balance.

[Dory]

The older I get the more I own my body. Before it was this horrible thing that I was cursed to carry with me in life and somehow take care of. The more I accept it and own the more it seems to change. I went up a few sizes over the past 1 1/2 because I stopped obsessing about my size. I have also found that I want to act healthier though. When I see it as something that is mine and I accept it, I want to care for it. I stay active, not to stay a certain size now, but because I want to be healthy. I eat healthy not because I want to be as skinny as my sister, but because I like the way I feel when I eat well. I also eat more fun stuff now because I am worth that and staying a size 3-4 is not important enough to miss out on the fun stuff in life. The older I get the more I see myself as an acceptable human being and less I feel the need to struggle to become one. It's still a work in progress and some weeks I hate myself with a passion. Some weeks I wish I could somehow get rid of this body. Last week I had a bit of a bad week and found myself hating what size I had allowed myself to become.

 

 

[texasmama]

Yes, I am more confident and less self-conscious now than at any point in my past, including when I was young, thin and hot. ;)  It is a lot more fun like this.  :)

[Critterfixer]

I really don't think I've changed in how I see myself as I've gotten older. I was always pretty sure that I was okay the way I was, whatever anyone said.

[Miss Tick]

Watching my young daughters has shown me that even if I get thinner, I will always be curvy. This has put me more at peace with my body. I can work on slimming down a bit, but I have a more realistic end goal in mind that doesn't include skinny-style jeans.

[Above The Rowan]

Two years ago give or take, I dealt with a serious back injury. 

Before that point, I was a size 2 - on my PMS/bloated days, I would throw on a size 4 pair of jeans. I was fit, active, 'thin', and felt great. I worked a very physically demanding job which kept me in excellent shape. 

 

Then I hurt my back. 

And since then, I have gained probably close to 40lbs - and no longer can go to the gym, or work a physical job, and some days I can barely manage to pick up a piece of clothing off the floor without irritating my back and being laid up for weeks in bed. 

 

You know what I miss? Not the size of my jeans, not how great I looked in a bikini - - I miss being active. I miss feeling strong and healthy. 

 

Going through this neverending issue with my back, has shown me what I REALLY value and what is really important to me. So slowly, I watch what I eat (since I can't do much more than a brisk walk to 'work out', I have to be careful what I eat) and I try to be as active as my body will allow. I want to be strong again, I don't give a rat's behind if I ever feel 'skinny' ever again. 

 

Part of it has been just feeling more comfortable in my skin as I've hit my mid-30s, part of it has been dealing with a health issue that has taken away much more from me than my skinniness. 

[Alenee]

I'm in the beginning stages of acceptance but I still find myself different sizes in the mirror depending on my mood.  If I just worked out, I see a great body in the mirror.  If I step on the scale and am higher than the day before, I see a fat person in the mirror.  But I've learned this about myself so I'm working on it.

 

As for clothing, I've finally found ME.  I used to think I had to measure up to some of my more dressy friends but I never felt comfortable.  Now that I've had some time away from them, I can breathe.  I am very athletic and found that I am most comfortable in clean, well-fitting athletic wear.  If you don't see me in that, you see me in my scrubs, or a long skirt on Sunday.  And I LIKE it this way.  :D

[Kathryn]

I'm far more comfortable in my own skin than I was when I was younger. I think what did it, perhaps ironically, was the changes that pregnancy made to my body. I was devastated at my post-breastfeeding breasts for a while. Not to mention my tummy. I had always been pretty fit-looking without ever consciously doing anything. I still weighed the same and wore the same size clothes, but my naked body was very different. Seeing that my DH not only loved it just as much, but even stopped and exclaimed in awe that those differences were because I brought forth and nurtured life, eventually changed the way I looked at myself. My body wasn't just for being "sexy," it was for being ME. I am a woman and a mother and my body has done amazing things. I don't think back and laugh; I think back and am sad about how I felt about my body back then.

[albeto.]

Nope. Not really.

 

 

  :blushing:

[KrissiK]

Well, I've had a lot of those issues in the past year. I've put on about 10-15lbs. in the past year (don't know how much exactly, I'm refusing to step on the scale) due to hormonal issues and it will not come off, no matter what I do. Diets used to work for me, now.... Not at all. And I am not comfortable in my own skin. My clothes don't fit anymore, I don't want my picture taken.... I still take care of myself - exercise, try to stay away from most junk food, etc. but it is very hard and I'm scared because am I just going to continue to gain weight?

[MistiDelaney]

Nearing 60 here, and Oh my goodness!  Yes!

 

As a young woman, I was intensely insecure.  I look at photos now and realize that I was actually pretty cute, but I could never see it.

 

I haven't "let myself go" as I have gotten older, but I have gotten much more comfortable in my  (old, wrinkly, flabby) skin.  Ironically, in my youth, I tried so hard to get thin.  I dieted my way up to a 350 pound whole foods vegetarian at one point.  After menopause, I decided that thin was not only out of reach, but was also actually  not a goal that interested me anymore.  I decided that it was time to love my body just because it was mine.  I learned to listen to it ... and over the decade, I have become as small as I have ever been in my life, without hunger or struggle or feeling bad ... or even really focusing on it.

 

I'm still fat by societal standards but I no longer care.  Some one previously said "a semi retirement from the agony of being a woman" or something like that?  That's been my experience.  I am happier with myself and my life than I have ever been in my life.  I love being "old".

[Wildiris]

Getting older and letting yourself go vs. getting comfortable in your own skin

"So, have you found that you are more confident in your own skin as you age? Do you think back now to your young self and laugh?"

 

Gosh, I think letting oneself go is not caring about appearances, and to me this does not compare to being comfortable in one's own skin. A larger woman can take great care in her appearance and be strikingly beautiful, and a skinny woman can look frumpy. Being comfortable in your own skin means you've accepted who you are blemishes, extra pounds, and all. I enjoyed a beachy kind of athletic body in my youth, not ultra thin but muscled. Now I'm working on getting those muscles back, but not for appearances. Being physically fit means I can do more. I see so many women who can't do things because they have not maintained fitness. 

 

 

[Janie Grace]

My comfort in my skin is in direct proportion to whether I'm exercising. Even if my body doesn't look a lot different, I *feel* fit and strong when I'm on the wagon. It has been over a week since I worked out and I feel discouraged about my "pooch." I wish I could embrace it because sometimes "life happens" and it's harder to work out. I wish I were confident all the time, but I'm not. It doesn't help that I have friends who sell those stupid belly wraps and so I see before/after pix in my FB feed all the time.

[Just Another Jen]

My comfort in my skin is in direct proportion to whether I'm exercising. Even if my body doesn't look a lot different, I *feel* fit and strong when I'm on the wagon. It has been over a week since I worked out and I feel discouraged about my "pooch." I wish I could embrace it because sometimes "life happens" and it's harder to work out. I wish I were confident all the time, but I'm not. It doesn't help that I have friends who sell those stupid belly wraps and so I see before/after pix in my FB feed all the time.

 

Sidetrack- What are those belly wrap things? I've seen them on my instagram feed. There is no way just squeezing the pooch in makes it go away.

[lynn]

It's a lot let stress accepting what we are given.  I work out regularly but I have a  German heritage,  had 4 babies and love pastry and breads, kwim.  When you look around at the beach, pool, waterpark etc there are a lot of people with amazing self confidence considering the bathing suits they choose to wear...   So cellulite, jiggles and all I made my way around the water park and did not give it a second thought but I did check to make sure everything was properly covered before I got out of the water after going down the water slides. :huh:  :leaving:

[myfunnybunch]

So, have you found that you are more confident in your own skin as you age? Do you think back now to your young self and laugh? I laugh at all the imperfections I saw in my young self and my stupid judgement of thinking this person or that person should or shouldn't be wearing this or that. I'm feeling much more loving and forgiving of myself and others.

I am more confident.

 

Part of my attitude shift comes from looking at past photos of myself. I felt awkward, "fat" even though I was not, and unattractive. But I was not. Looking at the photos now I notice my fresh skin, my cute haircut, my smile. I was average-cute, not dumpy and awkward even though I felt that way at the time. Boy, was that an eye-opener, the contrast between the way I perceived myself then and the young woman I see in past photos.

 

I'm 47. Now when I start feeling awkward, fat, unattractive, self-conscious about my (fill in the blank--getting older is hard sometimes! :D ), I try to remember that I am NOT getting any younger and to appreciate what I've got.

 

And I think part of my confidence is just having figured out what's important to me as I've lived my life. I'm happier and friendlier and more confident in general. As I've focused on my inner self, I've been less focused on and judgmental of what others wear. For example, I wear a bathing suit that covers my stretch marks because I am self-conscious about them. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a bikini, and don't appreciate being told I am not being honest about my body in all its flawed glory, or that I should not let society determine what I wear, or whatever. It's MY comfort I'm concerned about. But I see plenty of women at the pool who don't cover up theirs and I don't care. I'm glad they're comfortable.

 

Cat

[Soror]

Getting older and letting yourself go vs. getting comfortable in your own skin

"So, have you found that you are more confident in your own skin as you age? Do you think back now to your young self and laugh?"

 

Gosh, I think letting oneself go is not caring about appearances, and to me this does not compare to being comfortable in one's own skin. A larger woman can take great care in her appearance and be strikingly beautiful, and a skinny woman can look frumpy. Being comfortable in your own skin means you've accepted who you are blemishes, extra pounds, and all. I enjoyed a beachy kind of athletic body in my youth, not ultra thin but muscled. Now I'm working on getting those muscles back, but not for appearances. Being physically fit means I can do more. I see so many women who can't do things because they have not maintained fitness. 

 

 

That is exactly what I meant. I struggled for a good while with this idea that people would think I let myself go and I just didn't care. I had to get past that worry to really accept myself where I was at, it bothered me way too much that I put on weight. I mean it was an indication of an illness for me and so yes I was right to be bothered in that way but my size itself was not the problem. Accepting the flaws helped me embrace my strong points more. Anyway, I think too much and gaining weight and having my body change on me in so many ways without any control over it, to go from healthy to sick, active to on the couch all day etc made me think a lot about my identity.   I have a dear friend and she is much larger than I am and I love her so much and the way she looks doesn't even fit into the picture. Thinking about the discrimination, shame and hatefulness that she and so many others experience just makes me so angry that we let ourselves get wrapped up in this.

. For example, I wear a bathing suit that covers my stretch marks because I am self-conscious about them. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a bikini, and don't appreciate being told I am not being honest about my body in all its flawed glory, or that I should not let society determine what I wear, or whatever. It's MY comfort I'm concerned about. But I see plenty of women at the pool who don't cover up theirs and I don't care. I'm glad they're comfortable.

 

Cat

Yes, I didn't mean otherwise. I won't wear a bikini either but that is ok. 

[Clear Creek]

I dunno. I stopped wearing foundation this week, after wearing it every day for the last twenty years. I have acne (even in my late 30's) and lots of scarring on my face from so many years with acne, and now rosacea (thanks, Dad), but one day earlier this week I woke up and just didn't care any more about covering it all up. I don't know if I am just letting myself go or finally feeling comfortable in my skin. Probably a little bit of both.

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, I didn't mean otherwise. I won't wear a bikini either but that is ok. 

 

I knew what you meant. I was just thinking about bathing suits, since that's an area where I tend to be self-conscious. They make me squeamish too. :)

 

Cat