Do you reprimand the neighbor kids?

[Meadowlark]

I'm dealing with an 8 yr. old boy who argues with me, interrupts adult conversations and is all around ignorant with social skills. I've tried ignoring (.you know how a lot of people are about people correcting their kids)... But today I just couldn't. He really ticked me off. I told him that we do NOT argue with adults at this house, or tell them they are wrong, and that I consider that disrespectful. Ugh. I was proud of my kids though because I could tell his behavior was amusing them and they were waiting for me to react. So I'm glad I did.

 

But, I'm sure he's gonna go home and tell his mom that I ".yelled at him" or something, although I didn't. And I fear things will be uncomfortable with his mom.

 

And, for the record, I would absolutely want an adult to correct my children's behavior if need be, and even send them home if they were not acting appropriately.

 

But, I also feel like a fish swimming upstream these days. I do not allow my kids to interrupt adult conversations, argue or contradict adults, etc etc. Everyone has a different play book and it seems like I am a LOT stricter than the parents in my neighborhood.

 

So, what do you do when kids are at your house and acting this way? No, it's nothing terrible and he's an okay kid, but do you SAY something and run the risk of awkward interactions within a tight knit neighborhood? I'm just not used to little kids talking to me this way and it does not sit well with me at ALL.

[Bree]

I send them home right away, I have my own kids to deal with and don't feel like mothering my neighbors kids, I let my kids play with the neighbor boys and to have to send their 8 year home too :)

[Danestress]

Absolutely. I do it without apology and before I am angry, so no yelling or anything like that. But I have no problem explaining to a kid that in our house, we don't argue with parents or that in our house, we don't say mean things to or about people etc. It's just a matter of fact thing. I have never had a kid's parent complain.

[mom2scouts]

Yes, and if it continues I send the child home.  If the parents don't like it, I'll tell them their child is not welcome until he can follow the rules.  I am not obligated to entertain a child who is rude and disrespectful.  Now of course I correct the child first and give him a chance to change the behavior, but I won't put up with continued disrespect.

[Ellie]

I'm dealing with an 8 yr. old boy who argues with me, interrupts adult conversations and is all around ignorant with social skills. I've tried ignoring (.you know how a lot of people are about people correcting their kids)... But today I just couldn't. He really ticked me off. I told him that we do NOT argue with adults at this house, or tell them they are wrong, and that I consider that disrespectful. Ugh. I was proud of my kids though because I could tell his behavior was amusing them and they were waiting for me to react. So I'm glad I did.

 

But, I'm sure he's gonna go home and tell his mom that I ".yelled at him" or something, although I didn't. And I fear things will be uncomfortable with his mom.

 

And, for the record, I would absolutely want an adult to correct my children's behavior if need be, and even send them home if they were not acting appropriately.

 

But, I also feel like a fish swimming upstream these days. I do not allow my kids to interrupt adult conversations, argue or contradict adults, etc etc. Everyone has a different play book and it seems like I am a LOT stricter than the parents in my neighborhood.

 

So, what do you do when kids are at your house and acting this way? No, it's nothing terrible and he's an okay kid, but do you SAY something and run the risk of awkward interactions within a tight knit neighborhood? I'm just not used to little kids talking to me this way and it does not sit well with me at ALL.

 

My house, my rules, if dc are there without their parents.

[reign]

I wouldn't have said the disrespectful part. For some reason I think that is the one thing that might make someone angry. We don't live in the best area so I have to worry about things like that. I totally correct the neighborhood kids though. A lot!

[zoobie]

He was at your house playing without his parents? Then yes, you're the adult and your house, your rules. I enforce safety and general civility rules. I wouldn't get super nit picky (advanced etiquette, ha) with random children.

 

Sounds like this is an ongoing issue--I'd have no problem sending an unpleasant child home. I certainly wouldn't argue with a child. Rule is X, follow it or go home. There's no discussion to be had. I'm having a hard time imagining the interrupting adult scenario. Why is he in your space so often?

[almondbutterandjelly]

Yeah, we had to do that a few times.  "Okay, these are the rules..."  Different houses have different rules.  Kids can understand that.

[AimeeM]

Meh. I have never taught my children that adults are inherently right all the time, and although I have taught them to be respectful about doing so, I encourage them to disagree so long as they have a well articulated, well thought out, reason for doing so.

With that said, I would be upset if you reprimanded my child for it - I would prefer you discuss your household dynamics with ME, so that I (as my child's parent) could give them the "their house, their rules" talk.

 

No, I do not reprimand other people's children for any other reasons than safety, even in my own home. If they are acting in a way that I just genuinely cannot stand, it's clear that hanging out isn't a good fit.

[catz]

I just send them home.  I don't have the energy or desire to correct other people's kids, and other families do have different rules.  Forcing them to leave seems like a good natural consequence to get my message across.

 

I do let my kids respectfully disagree with me and allow discussions, so I'm a little bit crazy like that.  ;)  I don't set rules that my kids don't fully "get".  We actually don't have many hard and fast rules.  I actually thought my parents did me a disservice by presenting all adults as infallible beings that should never get interrupted.  It took me years to realize that I had a voice worthy as the rest of the worlds. 

 

Not that I encourage my kids to not be respectful or interrupt, but if adults are behaving or speaking badly in a way I wouldn't my kids to learn, I will bring that up with my kids later. 

 

Anyway - I think what you did is fine.  I wouldn't go overboard on the lecturing.  I'd just send the kid home, tell him why, and if mom calls later you can explain further. 

[MistyMountain]

I correct when it is appropriate and if needed send them home or retrieve a parent. I don't expect kids to be perfect all the time and I really don't worry to much about what other parents are doing. I have my own kids to raise. If a kid goes home and whines about me correcting them oh well. Kids end up in my yard a lot and at times it is really nice when they are getting along but there are definitely times when it is annoying that I am the one doing all the correcting.

[Meadowlark]

He was at your house playing without his parents? Then yes, you're the adult and your house, your rules. I enforce safety and general civility rules. I wouldn't get super nit picky (advanced etiquette, ha) with random children.

 

Sounds like this is an ongoing issue--I'd have no problem sending an unpleasant child home. I certainly wouldn't argue with a child. Rule is X, follow it or go home. There's no discussion to be had. I'm having a hard time imagining the interrupting adult scenario. Why is he in your space so often?

The last line....well, this is a unique situation. This kid comes from a nice family, but has 2 college aged siblings, which means his parents are older and pretty hands off. He is ALWAYS up here. There are not many kids in our neighborhood and the other kids are girls. On one hand, my kids love to play with him (and play nicely) so they spend hours outside going back and forth between his house and ours. He's a creative kid for sure so I do like that aspect of the friendship. His parents are raising him much differently than we are raising ours., He was Chucky for Halloween, which really made us scratch our heads. I've not witnessed any other rude behavior though (other than interrupting adult conversations, which I did correct) so this was a little shocking to have him arguing to my face.

 

I guess I've never had to correct a child for the way they talk to ME yet so this is new to me. Maybe it will get easier. It was a little shocking so maybe I'm still in shock lol. If my kids even roll their eyes at me they would have a consequence, so the blatant arguing was shocking. It was like he thought he was talking to another 8 yr. old....just no clue.

 

BTW, tell me what you would do here. So this morning I got a phone call on my cell and saw it was his mom. When I answered, it was the child. He wanted to know where we were. It was 10:00 a.m. I told him the boys were fishing with their dad. Then, apparently he showed up at the lake with his dad to fish with them.

 

I mean, who let's their 8 yr. old call another adults cell and ask where her kids are? And then to show up to what was supposed to be a family activity? Hmmm. We may need to establish some serious boundaries this summer. If the phone call happens again, we will have words.

[creekland]

I do correct other kids (I teach at our local high school, so I suppose it comes naturally), but I always try to do it in a nice fashion rather than chewing them out.  Almost always it's an issue due to them not knowing any better (or acting their age and not thinking about it) rather than willful disobedience.  Sometimes it's merely that we have different rules.

 

I've never run into problems from other parents - except for once at a National Park where I was telling a youngster (2, maybe 3) to come out of a "no walk - fragile plant" area.  That dad got mad at me, but when I responded "If you would parent your son, I wouldn't have to" he turned and walked away carrying his youngster.  The sign (for the area) was quite clear, and I'm of the firm belief that National Park treasures (including fragile plants) belong to all of us, so I have no regrets.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yep.  I ask that all people treat me with basic respect.  If an adult were to start to argue with me in my own home I would ask them to leave.  (Though I would try to change the subject and do other things first!)  This is different from having a dialogue about something.  I asked a child (he happened to be 8 also) to go home one day when his mother was standing right there.  He was arguing with me about something I had asked MY child to do.  I tried to deflect him politely by saying the usual things, "Ds has to listen to me because I'm his mom" etc. and the kid would not let up.  So I said "I'm sorry but this is not working out.  You can come over another day when you are not going to argue with me."  His mother was a bit put out.  She told me, "But that's how he talks to me!"   OK - have fun with that.  

 

I've also told kids "You may not speak to my daughter like that."  We need to stick up for each other.  

[Meadowlark]

Meh. I have never taught my children that adults are inherently right all the time, and although I have taught them to be respectful about doing so, I encourage them to disagree so long as they have a well articulated, well thought out, reason for doing so.

With that said, I would be upset if you reprimanded my child for it - I would prefer you discuss your household dynamics with ME, so that I (as my child's parent) could give them the "their house, their rules" talk.

 

No, I do not reprimand other people's children for any other reasons than safety, even in my own home. If they are acting in a way that I just genuinely cannot stand, it's clear that hanging out isn't a good fit.

This wasn't disagreeing, this was him reprimanding me for something he incorrectly assumed I was doing. Even if he would've been right, he was rude and smug about it.

 

Assuming you were my neighbor, you would prefer I go to your house and tell you that your son was rude? it wouldn't be okay for me to calmly explain to him that his outburst was inappropriate? I find your response shocking honestly. Aren't we a village raising our children?

 

I spent 10 years teaching 6th graders. I've been disagreed with many a time, and I enjoy an intelligent, thought about argument. This was not that.

[eternalsummer]

If you didn't make it clear that the fishing was a family-exclusive activity, I'm not sure how the kid would have known that?

[73349]

If the child or parents have a problem with your house rules, that kid can stay home next time. I don't see a problem there.

 

Re: the fishing, I would've simply replied that they weren't home. That's all he needs to know.

[trulycrabby]

Send the child home.

[bolt.]

I might mention it in a kind way, with a teaching intent. I would not do it in any way that seemed like a reprimand. I would not wait until I was 'ticked off' and I generally do not allow neigbourhood kids to play in the house anyhow.

 

As for the general topic, if I do not want to "argue" with a child, I simply don't. I don't need the child to know I am right -- because if I am right, I just am, and I am content with that. I'm good at letting children own their own immature and mistaken opinions. I consider that good modeling for them to learn to say, "I think differently than you." (As opposed to childishly saying, "You are wrong and here's why." As children and opinionated adults tend to do, thus getting into arguments.) Modeling probably doesn't work well for neighbour kids unless you are very much in their lives, but it's better than arguing with them, I think... And you did say that your own kids were watching for your reaction.

 

Interruptions are normal in the course of adult conversations, so I do allow children to practice interruption skills when adults are talking.

 

I don't like the general practice of teaching children to behave socially as "lesser persons" in these sorts of situations. I'm in favour of shifting their abrupt, tactless and attention-seeking instincts into good manners, but not specifically manners for children, that say, "I matter less to these people because I am younger than them" ... instead, just the kind of manners that suit everyone, and will last them a lifetime. They will always have to show that they respect people through their manners; but "respect" is not a matter of never entering a conversation in the middle, and/or never expressing a contrary opinion and sharing the reasons for it. Those things can be done respectfully by people of any age.

[Harriet Vane]

Yes, I provide coaching and correction to neighbor kids. All the time. And have good relationships with them.

 

Ignoring won't fix the behavior, and neither will the blanket statements you listed in your OP.

 

Rather, coach the kid kindly to what an acceptable response is, like so:

 

"Honey, it can make people feel mad and like arguing when you say they're wrong like you just did. Instead, try saying, 'I disagree."

 

"Honey, please don't interrupt. Just wait until I stop talking, and then you can say something like, 'Can I share a thought?'"

 

Also, I disagree with telling kids that they cannot argue with adults. Sometimes adults are wrong. Also, the kid will never gain understanding if you aren't willing to have a conversation with them.

 

It's perfectly okay to say, "This is a grown-up conversation. I would prefer that you play with your friends so us grown-ups can talk."

 

I lived for fourteen years in a tough, high-crime, low-income area of Chicago. A smile and a kind willingness to coach the kids along in a friendly, motherly, and firm way brought good relationships with my neighbors. Some very tough kids were calm and sweet in their interactions with me and willingly respected our rules about our yard and porch and how they were to treat people.

[AimeeM]

This wasn't disagreeing, this was him reprimanding me for something he incorrectly assumed I was doing. Even if he would've been right, he was rude and smug about it.

 

Assuming you were my neighbor, you would prefer I go to your house and tell you that your son was rude? it wouldn't be okay for me to calmly explain to him that his outburst was inappropriate? I find your response shocking honestly. Aren't we a village raising our children?

 

I spent 10 years teaching 6th graders. I've been disagreed with many a time, and I enjoy an intelligent, thought about argument. This was not that.

 

Well, to be fair, that isn't what you said in your original post (that he incorrectly assumed you were doing something you weren't doing) - you stated your blanket "no arguing with adults" rule. You didn't say he was rude, accusing you of things, etc; you stated that arguing with adults is rude and telling them they are wrong is disrespectful and, depending on the context, I disagree with you entirely.

 

No, please do not come to my house and tell me that my child is rude, unless you're sure that our definitions of "rude" mesh well. If he yelled at you, sure, but if he merely argued against something you said, respectfully, then no, I wouldn't consider that rude in and of itself.

 

And no, I'm not a village type of person, so there's that.

[eternalsummer]

I guess I see a difference between correcting a child's behavior that is actually unacceptable (bullying, unnecessary violence, etc.) vs behavior that is annoying.  I correct both, in that if the neighbor kid is going through our fridge for the 10th clementine in the last hour I might say, "Hey, lay off the clementines" - and if the neighbor kid is chasing my 2 year old around trying to push her down I'd definitely say "Hey, stop chasing around {2 year old}" - but only the latter would I say in a pejorative manner, kwim?

 

It sounds like you are feeling like the kid's behavior that is annoying (talking to you in a way you consider rude and out of place for his age/position as a kid) is something *bad* about him; I'd try to see it as more of an "eating all the clementines" issue - not polite, not within the general rules of the house, but not *bad* necessarily.

[Harriet Vane]

The last line....well, this is a unique situation. This kid comes from a nice family, but has 2 college aged siblings, which means his parents are older and pretty hands off. He is ALWAYS up here. There are not many kids in our neighborhood and the other kids are girls. On one hand, my kids love to play with him (and play nicely) so they spend hours outside going back and forth between his house and ours. He's a creative kid for sure so I do like that aspect of the friendship. His parents are raising him much differently than we are raising ours., He was Chucky for Halloween, which really made us scratch our heads. I've not witnessed any other rude behavior though (other than interrupting adult conversations, which I did correct) so this was a little shocking to have him arguing to my face.

 

I guess I've never had to correct a child for the way they talk to ME yet so this is new to me. Maybe it will get easier. It was a little shocking so maybe I'm still in shock lol. If my kids even roll their eyes at me they would have a consequence, so the blatant arguing was shocking. It was like he thought he was talking to another 8 yr. old....just no clue.

 

BTW, tell me what you would do here. So this morning I got a phone call on my cell and saw it was his mom. When I answered, it was the child. He wanted to know where we were. It was 10:00 a.m. I told him the boys were fishing with their dad. Then, apparently he showed up at the lake with his dad to fish with them.

 

I mean, who let's their 8 yr. old call another adults cell and ask where her kids are? And then to show up to what was supposed to be a family activity? Hmmm. We may need to establish some serious boundaries this summer. If the phone call happens again, we will have words.

 

Sounds like a nice kid who's been allowed to run a little wild.

 

Also sounds like a kid who needs to be told in plain terms (sweetly) what is or isn't okay.

 

What concerns me is you assertion, "...we will have words." Why does it have to be adversarial? There's really no need.

 

For example, regarding the lake. Yes, that felt intrusive. If it were to happen again, you simply say, "They're out with their dad." Let's say he says, "At the lake?" Then you say, "This is a time for Jack and Jill to be alone with their dad, so I do not want you to interrupt them. I'm sure they'd love to see you tomorrow or in a day or two."

 

You state what is acceptable plainly. You say it with a smile and with affection. You have therefore asserted your boundaries and kept the relationship warm. You have an open door to his heart in future, then, to continue coaching and training. You will find that your consistent honesty and kindness will mold most kids' behaviors to your standards, at least when they are on your "territory" (home, yard, with you, etc.).

 

[SadieMarie]

Yes, I provide coaching and correction to neighbor kids. All the time. And have good relationships with them.

 

Ignoring won't fix the behavior, and neither will the blanket statements you listed in your OP.

 

Rather, coach the kid kindly to what an acceptable response is, like so:

 

"Honey, it can make people feel mad and like arguing when you say they're wrong like you just did. Instead, try saying, 'I disagree."

 

"Honey, please don't interrupt. Just wait until I stop talking, and then you can say something like, 'Can I share a thought?'"

 

Also, I disagree with telling kids that they cannot argue with adults. Sometimes adults are wrong. Also, the kid will never gain understanding if you aren't willing to have a conversation with them.

 

It's perfectly okay to say, "This is a grown-up conversation. I would prefer that you play with your friends so us grown-ups can talk."

 

I lived for fourteen years in a tough, high-crime, low-income area of Chicago. A smile and a kind willingness to coach the kids along in a friendly, motherly, and firm way brought good relationships with my neighbors. Some very tough kids were calm and sweet in their interactions with me and willingly respected our rules about our yard and porch and how they were to treat people.

This is perfect I think, caring and helpful vs judgmental.   

[bolt.]

BTW, tell me what you would do here. So this morning I got a phone call on my cell and saw it was his mom. When I answered, it was the child. He wanted to know where we were. It was 10:00 a.m. I told him the boys were fishing with their dad. Then, apparently he showed up at the lake with his dad to fish with them.

 

I mean, who let's their 8 yr. old call another adults cell and ask where her kids are? And then to show up to what was supposed to be a family activity? Hmmm. We may need to establish some serious boundaries this summer. If the phone call happens again, we will have words.

I assume he just wanted to play, and that knowing where his playmates were was an important step in going to play. He's not mature enough to get that information and not use it to pursue his goal to go and play with them. It's very concrete and straightforward.

 

Most parents let their children use their cell phones to make calls. Creating a social distinction between a cell phone and a land line makes very little sense: why is it better for him to call from/to a land line (belonging to the parents) rather than a cell phone (belonging to the parents)?

 

And how was he to know that fishing at the lake wasn't a great activity for everyone to join, if you didn't tell him?

 

What would I do? I'd say, "Sorry buddy, the kids aren't available to play this morning / today. They are having some special time with their dad."

 

If you consider cell phones to be for adult to adult contact only, and require all children to use land lines only, I think you'd better just explain that, rather than waiting for next time and "having words" -- Similarly with your boundaries. You don't have to wait for it to actually begin bothering you that he doesn't automatically know your personal assumptions and presuppositions. He's a small child. Boundaries start with just telling him what's OK with you and what isn't. Boundaries with small kids are very easy, because they don't depend on him at all. Boundaries have their roots in your personal freedom to do things the way you want to do them.

[East Coast Sue]

I send them home. I tell the offending child that the behavior is not allowed in my yard and they should go home right now.  If the child refuses to leave (which happened once) then I knock on the door and get the parents.  I am not asking for a confrontation just making sure they have the chance to do the correction themselves. Like I tell my own kids, only someone who really loves you will take the time to help you learn life lessons through correction. Now if it was a small thing, I would ignore it or move on. Sometimes I provide very general correction to a group of kids playing in my yard, but that's about it. If its more than a minor thing, they go home right away. 

[zoobie]

The last line....well, this is a unique situation. This kid comes from a nice family, but has 2 college aged siblings, which means his parents are older and pretty hands off. He is ALWAYS up here. There are not many kids in our neighborhood and the other kids are girls. On one hand, my kids love to play with him (and play nicely) so they spend hours outside going back and forth between his house and ours. He's a creative kid for sure so I do like that aspect of the friendship. His parents are raising him much differently than we are raising ours., He was Chucky for Halloween, which really made us scratch our heads. I've not witnessed any other rude behavior though (other than interrupting adult conversations, which I did correct) so this was a little shocking to have him arguing to my face.

 

I guess I've never had to correct a child for the way they talk to ME yet so this is new to me. Maybe it will get easier. It was a little shocking so maybe I'm still in shock lol. If my kids even roll their eyes at me they would have a consequence, so the blatant arguing was shocking. It was like he thought he was talking to another 8 yr. old....just no clue.

 

BTW, tell me what you would do here. So this morning I got a phone call on my cell and saw it was his mom. When I answered, it was the child. He wanted to know where we were. It was 10:00 a.m. I told him the boys were fishing with their dad. Then, apparently he showed up at the lake with his dad to fish with them.

 

I mean, who let's their 8 yr. old call another adults cell and ask where her kids are? And then to show up to what was supposed to be a family activity? Hmmm. We may need to establish some serious boundaries this summer. If the phone call happens again, we will have words.

He was calling to ask about playing, and you told him where to find your kids. The boundary was yours to set, either by not giving him the specific information ("We aren't home.") or by telling him where they were but that they were unavailable to play. Your DH could have sent him home from the lake. The cell phone boundary is yours to set as well: do not call my cell phone unless it's an emergency.

 

If he's being raised a bit more...hands off than your kids, you will have to be clear about your family boundaries. We don't argue with adults here. If you're going to argue, it's time to go home. Be clear and unapologetic about your house rules. If he's otherwise a good kid and creative, kind playmate, I'd overlook the lack of social niceties (he is only 8!) and be sure to be clear with expectations.

[rmtzc2009]

Yep, I do reprimand neighbor kids. I let certain things go & use it later as a teaching tool for my boys. We talk about why we choose to do or not do certain things & how friends make different choices. I don't allow unkind words, bully behavior, aggressive behavior or direct defiance. That includes arguing with me. Talking to me is fine but if the child crosses into arguing, there going home. My house my rules. I would hope other parents in our neighborhood are enforcing their rules when my kids are over. My kids know that in others home they need to respect the parents rules, even if they disagree. To me that is not looking down at children or giving them less value. I can talk to anyone about anything & we can have a difference of opinion. But I don't argue with children or adults.

[Danestress]

With that said, I would be upset if you reprimanded my child for it - I would prefer you discuss your household dynamics with ME, so that I (as my child's parent) could give them the "their house, their rules" talk.

 

.

If my mother were here, or my MIl or an adult neighbor or my pastor, and that person wanted to argue with me about whether my kids should be able to ride a bike without a helmet or snack before dinner or go the the greenway without an adult, I would not allow that argument. I am the mom and I make the rules for my house and my kids without a lot of third party help.

 

I don't see why, then, I would be unable to tell an eight year old, "this is my house and that is my rule" just because he is eight. It's not just because he is a kid and I am an adult. It's primarily because this is my home, not his, my kids, not his. I have no need to consult his mother about that or to get her to explain it to him.

 

I love kids and I am pretty tolerant. Actually, sometimes I love the ornery verbal ones especially. But I would never feel unable to just directly talk to a kid and say. "Stop arguing about this. I already decided, and in this house, we don't keep pestering."

[phathui5]

Early and often. I correct our neighbor kids all the time.

 

Though I wouldn't have told them that they can't tell adults they're wrong, because well, sometimes adults are wrong.

[AimeeM]

If my mother were here, or my MIl or an adult neighbor or my pastier, and that person wanted to argue with me about whether my kids should be able to ride a bike without a helmet or snack before dinner or go the the greenway without an adult, I would not allow that argument. I am the mom and I make the rules for my house and my kids without a lot of third party help.

 

I don't see why, then, I would be unable to tell an eight year old, "this is my house and that is my rule" just because he is eight. It's not just because he is a kid and I am an adult. It's primarily because this is my home, not his, my kids, not his. I have no need to consult his mother about that or to get her to explain it to him.

 

I love kids and I am pretty tolerant. Actually, sometimes I love the ornery verbal ones especially. But I would never feel unable to just directly talk to a kid and say. "Stop argy

 

I was under the impression that the OP's problem was an on-going one, no?

 

[Danestress]

I was under the impression that the OP's problem was an on-going one, no?

 

My 'problem child' was also ongoing. He needed regular reminders for years about whose decisions things were and who has standing to argue. Totally loved him, never felt like I needed to include his mother in the process.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I'm dealing with an 8 yr. old boy who argues with me, interrupts adult conversations and is all around ignorant with social skills. I've tried ignoring (.you know how a lot of people are about people correcting their kids)... But today I just couldn't. He really ticked me off. I told him that we do NOT argue with adults at this house, or tell them they are wrong, and that I consider that disrespectful. Ugh. I was proud of my kids though because I could tell his behavior was amusing them and they were waiting for me to react. So I'm glad I did.

 

 

At MY house, kids follow my rules.  "We don't use that word here."  "Do not touch my walls."  "You may call me Mrs. Day."  "You are 12 years old. Do not stand inside my refrigerator."  "If you cannot play nicely, it is time for you to leave." 

 

If they are socially ignorant, I would be more encouraging, "You need to wait until I am through speaking; please do not interrupt my conversation." Depending on the behavior, my kids would be embarrassed for their friend and have been known to comment before I do.

 

 

[Meadowlark]

I think she was questioning the fact that the boy called her, as opposed to an adult calling her. Perhaps she gave her cell phone number to the adults with the implication being that it was for the adults to use... not their children. I don't know if this boy normally calls, period. Maybe he normally just knocks on the door.

Yep. I gave his mom my number for adult communication only. I didn't think he would call me, as I'd never hand my kids my phone to call his mom. I'd send them down the street, which is what he usually does.

 

And yes, I should never have told then where they were. I will surely be vague next time regarding their whereabouts. It was just a little strange that he called me and 10 minutes later was there.

[AimeeM]

Yep. I gave his mom my number for adult communication only. I didn't think he would call me, as I'd never hand my kids my phone to call his mom. I'd send them down the street, which is what he usually does.

 

And yes, I should never have told then where they were. I will surely be vague next time regarding their whereabouts. It was just a little strange that he called me and 10 minutes later was there.

 

But did you stipulate that it was for adult conversation only? My daughter calls her friend's parents at times, if she wants to play with the friend.

[Meadowlark]

If you didn't make it clear that the fishing was a family-exclusive activity, I'm not sure how the kid would have known that?

True. I didn't mention it because I didn't even fathom the possibility that he would convince his dad to go fishing in the exact same spot (which I didn't tell him) and be there 10 minutes later. I just didn't see that coming.

[Meadowlark]

But did you stipulate that it was for adult conversation only? My daughter calls her friend's parents at times, if she wants to play with the friend.

How old is your daughter? This is all new to me. I guess I didn't feel the need to stipulate that. My oldest is just 7 and does not talk on the phone. Plus, he didn't ask to talk to my son. His exact words were "where are you guys and when will you be home?"

[mommymilkies]

I don't want the drama with other families, so no.  I'm pretty laid back with other kids.  But if they did something really bad or annoying, I'd just send them home.  One neighbor boy did hurt one of my little girls *on purpose* and I told him that was NOT OK and he was to leave my property.  That was that. 

[rmtzc2009]

My ds is 10 and he will on occasion call his friends house to see if they can play.  His good friend across the street is 9 and calls us daily sometimes 2-3x a day.  My 8 year old does not use the phone at all.  It does seem unnatural imho for kids to call parents cell phones.  If you can't reach my kids on my house phone than they aren't available to play.  As far as the kid going fishing the same place your family was, I think that's weird.  If my child hung up the phone and said "hey, so and so is down fishing at x lake, can we join them?"  I would say no.  They went fishing with their family.  If you'd like to go fishing together we'll need to plan another time to do that.  

[Meadowlark]

I was under the impression that the OP's problem was an on-going one, no?

 

No, not especially. This is the first time he's ever talked to me that way. My kids have come home and told me that he's "not very nice" to his mom and doesn't talk to her nicely. But that's obviously none of my concern so I've never had to address it.

 

The only other thing that has happened at my house is the interrupting, and inserting himself into adults conversations.

[catz]

I think the calling thing can vary by family.  I've asked a couple kids in our neighborhood to call first if they want to play because if they show up at the door and my kids can't come out, it creates quite a bit of drama at my house and I have to turn away a sad kid that's walked a few blocks.  The parents might just feel a little differently about it.  Lots of people do not have a land line now, so do not treat the cell number as more private and personal than a land line.  I do think it's weird he chased them down at the fishing hole, but if it's a neighborhood kind of place, maybe not so weird.  If the neighbor kid called and I said my kids were at one of our local parks, I could easily see them running down there to cross paths. 

 

I think a kid that has 4 adults at home is just going to be raised very different than a house that has many young children all at the same.  Obviously, I don't know what happened.  But I wouldn't automatically think this kid's parents are lazy and/or he's a bad kid.  I'm not saying not to kick him out.  I have kicked out kids here for various reasons including I'm just sick of them.  I would just say, I wouldn't go overboard trying to correct him. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I'm not overly strict but my house my rules. If their parents are here I give them a chance to deal with whatever. If not I do.

 

I don't yell or anything, just make clear the house rules. I also have told my kids they need to observe house rules in another persons house as well.

[Meadowlark]

I think the calling thing can vary by family. I've asked a couple kids in our neighborhood to call first if they want to play because if they show up at the door and my kids can't come out, it creates quite a bit of drama at my house and I have to turn away a sad kid that's walked a few blocks. The parents might just feel a little differently about it. Lots of people do not have a land line now, so do not treat the cell number as more private and personal than a land line. I do think it's weird he chased them down at the fishing hole, but if it's a neighborhood kind of place, maybe not so weird. If the neighbor kid called and I said my kids were at one of our local parks, I could easily see them running down there to cross paths.

 

I think a kid that has 4 adults at home is just going to be raised very different than a house that has many young children all at the same. Obviously, I don't know what happened. But I wouldn't automatically think this kid's parents are lazy and/or he's a bad kid. I'm not saying not to kick him out. I have kicked out kids here for various reasons including I'm just sick of them. I would just say, I wouldn't go overboard trying to correct him.

Maybe I gave the impression that I thought he was a bad kid, or the parents were lazy, but I definitely don't think either.

 

And, no, it was not a local park but rather a remote pond that they drove to.

[jewellsmommy]

If there is a child at my house, it is 99% of the time because I agreed to watch that child or that child was placed under my authority as a guest for the evening. Under those types of situations I feel absolutely fine about addressing any problems that arise.

 

We do not have neighborhood kids that just come by. If we did, it would probably be difficult for me as I have a hard time feeling free to correct other people's children without permission or expectation (except for safety). So me, personally, I would eventually have a light chat with the mom to let her know that I had to correct her son and that it was not a big deal but that I just wanted her to be aware that I plan to continue doing so as needed.

 

I think what you did was probably fine. If a parent is concerned about it, then they will seek you out, and you'll be able to explain the situation. If my children are visiting others, I explain to them that they must be respectful of the other family's rules and to keep our own family rules in mind as well. I would think that most reasonable parents understand that their children can get carried away at times and might need guidance from the local adult.

 

I will add that I have actually felt strongly enough about another child's aggressive attitude that I have corrected a child in a public place (not even my own house :lol: ) in order to protect my child. I posted about it here actually. It was a bit traumatic for me. :tongue_smilie:

[LMD]

i correct other kids all the time. Similar to thisistheday. Firmly, reasonably and lovingly. Never had a problem. I would think showing up at the lake like that is rude, he wasn't invited. Unless it happened by accident or they kept to themselves.

[Gil]

I don't allow neighborhood kids in my house or my backyard. Period. Ever. Never. Not once.

All visiting children must remain visible from the front street at all times.

 

I'm not above telling a kid that is really disrespectful and in full-on hellion mode to get out my yard and piss off on home, either. There is only one kid who I have to have this talk with, the others respond to a simple correction/redirection or being firmly dismissed for not following the rules.

 

ETA: Barring a phyiscal punishment, I fully expect someone to correct my kids when they are in the wrong, or at least tell me about it so that I can get on it. I'm not picky about the tone or word choice that someone uses either.

 

Pal came home and told me some mom yelled at him to "stop doing X right now!". She is 3 doors down and not knowing who she was talking to I heard her yelling at him and the other two boys who were doing something wrong. I admit, she was loud and harsh and she told them off for about 5 minutes straight. I thought it was a little too much, but I told Pal if he ever showed out at another persons house I'd do him in. He is supposed to act like a guest when he is a guest, end of story. A couple of days later I took Pal back over with a written apology to the mom and offered to fix the plant he'd trampled. She was shocked and grateful but declined the offer.

 

I have fewer problems out of the other parents because they see that I stand by the idea that I want my kids to do right. It isn't about someone not chiding/reprimanding/correcting my kid when they do wrong. It is about my kid being chided, corrected, reprimanded when they do wrong so that they learn to do right.

 

The world doesn't revolve around Pal and the universe doesn't care if he 'didn't mean to' and a crime is still a crime whether you 'meant it' or not.

[foxbridgeacademy]

He's the youngest in a house full of adults?  If he didn't interrupt adult conversation then he might never get the chance to speak.  If he's rudely interrupting then I would say something along the lines "you need to wait your turn" but if he's just trying to join in I would listen for a minute or two then redirect him back to the other kids.

 As for the arguing.... As long as they're respectful about it they can have an opinion.  They can disagree with me that they have to wear a helmet to ride my bike, still, no helmet no bike.  If you have a hard and fast rule that children don't argue or even roll their eyes, then I would as a parent I'd prefer you go ahead and send my kid home so I can explain to them about accepting differences in how families operate. We're fairly argumentative around here and my DD rolls her eyes so often I'm surprised they don't get stuck there.  At 8 she would have had a hard time understanding what she did that was unacceptable.

[AimeeM]

How old is your daughter? This is all new to me. I guess I didn't feel the need to stipulate that. My oldest is just 7 and does not talk on the phone. Plus, he didn't ask to talk to my son. His exact words were "where are you guys and when will you be home?"

 

My DD is 12, sure, but she's been doing this for years.

 

[Meadowlark]

He's the youngest in a house full of adults? If he didn't interrupt adult conversation then he might never get the chance to speak. If he's rudely interrupting then I would say something along the lines "you need to wait your turn" but if he's just trying to join in I would listen for a minute or two then redirect him back to the other kids.

As for the arguing.... As long as they're respectful about it they can have an opinion. They can disagree with me that they have to wear a helmet to ride my bike, still, no helmet no bike. If you have a hard and fast rule that children don't argue or even roll their eyes, then I would as a parent I'd prefer you go ahead and send my kid home so I can explain to them about accepting differences in how families operate. We're fairly argumentative around here and my DD rolls her eyes so often I'm surprised they don't get stuck there. At 8 she would have had a hard time understanding what she did that was unacceptable.

This was not a case of a child innocently arguing about a fact, or questioning me. I know better than to argue with a child about something like that. My kids DO argue, and they DO question, and if they are doing so respectfully, I have no problem with that. This was not that. He was reprimanding me for breaking one of my own rules, although I did not. When I told him matter of factly that I wasn't, he continued on mocking me telling me that I did. He did this by interrupting a conversation I was having with my parents, and he did so rudely and smugly.

 

And the problem with interrupting is not that he's asking me a question, or a one time interjection. He positions himself within adult conversations, and interjects inappropriately all throughout the conversation, commenting on what we are saying. All of this when there is a yard full of kids playing nearby. To me, there is nothing wrong with adults wanting a bit of privacy and asking him to go elsewhere while we are having our short conversation.

 

And no, he is the only one at home and is mom does not work. He has ample opportunity to speak.

[Meadowlark]

My DD is 12, sure, but she's been doing this for years.

This must just be different in my area. I have never before had a child call my landline or cell phone to see if my kids could play. Neighbor kids always just come to the door, and if it's not a neighbor, I arrange it with the mom. So maybe this doesn't sound odd to you, but that's why it seems odd to me.