Loowit Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Which I would be all for not paying for if he doesn't want to be there, however, I am the camp director. I think it would be very odd. My DH is taking the week off work to be there to help me. My older two are both excited to work on staff, but my youngest who is camp age does not want to go. I think DS has some very valid reasons. He has gone to this camp since before he was a camper. It is a cub scout day camp so he went to the tot lot (childcare) when his brother started attending the camp years ago. So he is a bit bored with it, even though the program is changed up each year. We aren't adding anything this year that is drawing his attention. But his biggest reason, that I can totally understand, is that he has very bad reactions to mosquito bites. This camp is very mosquito infested. We have the county spray ahead of camp, but it is still pretty bad. For most people if people use repellant they do fine, it is just a small nuisance. However, last year was especially bad for DS. By the end of camp one leg especially was horribly swollen with huge red, bruised marks. So I am now wondering if I should try to find alternate care for him. I am pretty sure that my ILs will take him if they aren't going to be out of town. They have offered to take DD in the past when she didn't want to go. But I will admit it is embarrassing to be the director and my own child isn't attending. Today is the last day to register him if I am going to take him, so I have to decide. I have already let the camp know that this is my last year directing, because even though DS will still be in cub scouts next summer I knew he would not want to go. DS will still be going to a resident camp with DH for two nights later in the summer, and is really looking forward to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Will most people know that he is your son and that he isn't there? If they ask you could simply say that he couldn't come this year due to medical reasons. That bad a reaction to mosquito bites counts. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 If you didn't think he should go, I would just say he has some allergies that make it difficult for him to go if asked. If you really didn't think the mosquito issue was that huge, I'd also have no problem telling my child he has to buck up and go for a week either. A week with my in-laws would mean a week sitting in front of the TV which would personally drive me batty and I would find more problematic than trying to manage mosquito bites. I have one child very sensitive to bites and live in a mosquito heavy area and have found that having good lightweight LONG outdoor clothing, a good hat with a wide brim, and staying on top of repellant makes a big difference with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Mosquito repellent does not work for me either and I had more than 20 bites per leg when I visited my uncle who stayed in a rural area for dinner. We cousins end up comparing who had the highest mosquito bite count. I'll let him abstain. It is hard to enjoy camp when you have to suffer from mosquito bites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Mosquitoes love me too so I feel for your son--I would not want to go either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 Will most people know that he is your son and that he isn't there? If they ask you could simply say that he couldn't come this year due to medical reasons. That bad a reaction to mosquito bites counts. ;) My DS is quite well known to many people thanks to DH and I being (overly) involved in scouting in our area. But I think saying it is a medical reason is a good idea, although knowing him I am sure he will tell everyone why he isn't going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I agree with you they're valid reasons. I'd find alternate care for him. A reply to anyone who asks can be, "He's not attending this year." Take their question in a positive light in that they know he's a good kid to have around, not as any deliberate pointing out that they can't believe you're the director and your own kid isn't coming. Anyone who actually has that opinion can be ignored. He's not interested, and has bite problems to boot (as one who is a mosquito all-you-can-eat buffet, I understand), and already has had several years to enjoy the camp, I'd honor his wishes. Just because we as parents are involved in an activity doesn't mean that all the kids need to, too, continuously. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 If he doesn't want to go, don't make him go. HIs interests are not going to be the same as yours, which was a hard thing for me to accept when my son started rejecting the camp choices I made for him. I finally started listening to him and he developed his own interests and camp wants without me that are much more suited to him. Too bad about cub scout camp, though. That is one of the things my son opted for on his own because he loves it. Since it will be his last year, make up some excuse for why he couldn't attend. Although it wouldn't be a big deal to just to say flat-out that he just outgrew it or was no longer interested; or the truth of too dang many mosquitos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'd let him stay with the grandparents and not even bring up any medical issue. If asked just say he's enjoying some one on one time with the grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghanL Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I think the pros of him NOT going (avoiding large, swollen, irritated legs from insect bites) far outweigh the cons of him not going. (you might feel some embarrassment). And really, embarrassment could really go for him too if he's walking around with legs irritated as badly as you say. I would absolutely find other care for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Find something awesome for him to do and tell others that he's doing this other awesome thing this week. Or tell them he's in reform school! :P Just kidding but wouldn't that be fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Each child is an individual, and we should parent them accordingly. You are ds's mom, and you need to make the choice that's right for him. If you are doing so, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, and wise, experienced parents will respect your for it. If anyone does not respect your choice, that's on them. Think if it as similar to homeschoolers who have a child in school (or school-ers who have a child at home). They are doing what is right for each child (within the resources of the family, etc., of course). You needn't lie, or stretch the truth. You have good reasons - own them and be honest about them. As an experienced Leader, you are setting an example for those who look up to you. Own your truth. Be a strong and honest role model for those who may face similar situations in the future. "Ds had a really hard time with the mosquitoes last year; he seems to be a mosquito magnet and reacts badly to bites. The rest of us are fine, but those mosquitoes just love him! He must have some sweet blood! He's spending this week with his grandparents, and he and dh will be camping at Camp NoBugEm later this summer - they don't seem to have as many mosquitoes as we do here at Camp BiteFest. Hey, have you tried the bean dip at the mess hall this year? It's super-yummy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 Thank everyone. I think I needed to hear it was okay for him not to go. I know that it is a very good reason not to go. I am sure he will have a lot of fun with his grandparents. MIL is very active and makes sure he isn't just sitting around all day, which I appreciate. I am not sure embarrassed is the word I should have used. It is more me thinking, how can I promote this camp and talk about how fun and exciting it is if I can't even get my own kid to go sort of thing. I think that many of the leaders I am closer to will get it. They saw his bites last year and how bad they were, especially the camp medic. I am just worried that pack leaders that don't really know me will think that if the camp director's kid isn't coming it must not be that great of a program. I think I am worrying too much about this though, and need to focus on my child's comfort on this one. He loves camping and the outdoors, it is just this particular park he hates. I wish we could move locations, but it isn't an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Slightly bored for a week? I would be more in the take one for the team camp. The mosquito reaction sounds hellish though and no way would I subject him to that. Honestly I don't know if I would send him if he wanted to go. I react badly to mosquitoes and the last time I got a bunch, it affected my breathing and I needed medical treatment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'm so glad you aren't taking him! Why is moving the camp not an option? Is there just nothing else around that works? I would be concerned for the other kiddos--and ask to move the camp next year, But I totally get if it's not possible--just wondering if some OOTB thinking might help campers next year. Not your problem, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'm so glad you aren't taking him! Why is moving the camp not an option? Is there just nothing else around that works? I would be concerned for the other kiddos--and ask to move the camp next year, But I totally get if it's not possible--just wondering if some OOTB thinking might help campers next year. Not your problem, though. The biggest factor in moving the camp is the cost. We get the site we have right now for free. Most of the other places that would be big enough and have the right type of area would cost money that we don't have. We also have location issues. Our district crosses state borders and is spread out a lot so we have found a location that is the best centralized that we can get. I have spent months looking into other locations and haven't found a workable solution. It is something I am always on the lookout for because our biggest complaint on camp evaluations is the mosquitoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Yes, I figured you had already exhausted options! lol You go for being a volunteer who really cares, IMO. :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Mosquito repellent does not work for me either and I had more than 20 bites per leg when I visited my uncle who stayed in a rural area for dinner. We cousins end up comparing who had the highest mosquito bite count. I'll let him abstain. It is hard to enjoy camp when you have to suffer from mosquito bites. We did the 'compare the bug bites' thng one summer when I was a camp counselor. In the end, I had more bites on one leg than the next highest person had on their entire body! My husband says that the best thing to do to prevent bites is to stand within 10 feet of me! I am a mosquito magnet! Sympathy for OP's son. I hate mosquitoes and get miserable, swollen bites all over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Mosquito bite reaction is a very valid reason for him not to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 How old is he? Couldn't he stay home by himself during the day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 How old is he? Couldn't he stay home by himself during the day? He's only 8 1/2, so I can't leave him home alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I don't even think it would look odd. If anybody asks, it would be a perfectly valid explanation to say he has been so often, he is sitting this one out. Even without the reaction to moskito bites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I don't think you should worry about how it looks. Just because you run the camp doesn't mean your son has to go. My husband has coached hockey, and every time people asked our oldest whether she was going to play, she would respond with, "I hate hockey." If people ask why your son isn't there, you can simply say, "He didn't want to come this year." You don't owe anyone any explanations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Don't make him go. Who cares how it looks to other people? It OUGHT to look like you are parenting by meeting each child's individual needs, like The Best Mom In The World. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Another vote for letting him do something else! And not to worry - You will look ultra-dedicated if you are directing camp in spite of the fact that you have no campers attending!!! :lol: Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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