What's your personal "What About Socialization?"

[Jenny in Florida]

Oh the reactions I get when somebody asks me "What do you do?" ... My reply "I teach physics" is almost always answered with a groan and a remark along the lines of "I was so bad at/never understood/ hated... physics in high school".

Or "you must be so smart" , which is probably meant as a compliment, but there is no gracious way to accept that  - you don't say "thanks, I know".

 

Very very occasionally somebody responds "wow. How cool!". I'd like to hug those people.

 

I share your pain.

 

Whenever I tell someone my degree is in English and that I used to be an editor, there's an extremely good chance that person will respond with one of these comments:

 

"Oh, I'd better be careful about my grammar!" 

 

"Well, could you edit my cover letters/reports/whatevers?"

 

I understand that doctors routinely get asked for diagnoses and medical advice from virtual strangers, too. 

[SKL]

LOL, I am 13 years older than my sister, but one time when I went with her on a beer run, "I" got carded and "she" did not!  Ha ha!  I think she has secretly hated me ever since....

 

And about the identical boy-girl twins thing - I am surprised it is so commonly misunderstood, but I've had that happen.  I look a lot like my brother - really a lot, even as an adult.  His wife told me she originally thought we were identical twins.  Um!  That was the first time I ever met someone who didn't realize "identical" included the gender.

[SKL]

I share your pain.

 

Whenever I tell someone my degree is in English and that I used to be an editor, there's an extremely good chance that person will respond with one of these comments:

 

"Oh, I'd better be careful about my grammar!" 

 

"Well, could you edit my cover letters/reports/whatevers?"

 

I understand that doctors routinely get asked for diagnoses and medical advice from virtual strangers, too. 

 

It happens to lawyers and accountants too.  :)  I have had the most bizarre questions - everything from "how can I get my brother his drugs in jail" to "how can I hide some money on a Caribbean island"?

 

My uncle is a podiatrist.  He says people will actually take off their shoe and show him their nasty foot at dinner.  Blech!!

 

We go to a couple of annual parties at the home of a business associate whose wife is a gastroenterologist.  About half of the guests are also gastroenterologists.  They share colonoscopy war stories over dinner.  Once my friend "helpfully" told her that I needed to get a colonoscopy (preventative) since my mom had been diagnosed with colon cancer.  The topic then switched to my colon!  Um, no!!

[snickerplum]

When I was pregnant with ds (#4), the girls were 4,2 and under 1. Pretty much every time we went out I was asked "is your husband getting a vasectomy?" Wow, I typically don't talk to strangers about dh's parts. Hey, personal!

Dd2 has severe allergies and eczema. When she was a baby her cheeks were always painfully red and raw. I had a LOT of people make comments to her like, "You should tell your mama to get you a hat - your cheeks are cold!" Hmm. If you'd like to insult my intelligence as a mother how about you direct your comments to me and not my baby. Your perfume is probably making things worse.

We get the twins question with dd's 2 and 3 (they don't look THAT much alike), as well as the "finally got your boy" comments, belittling my beautiful girls to their faces. I think that one bothers me most. Dh just comments, "we'll if we were trying for a boy we're not very good at it. Perhaps we need more practice." :-)

[Violet Crown]

"What does your husband do?"

 

I dread this question because dh is a minister. It's not that I mind his being a preacher, but the minute I tell someone his job they suddenly feel the need to tell me all of the wonderful holy and religious things they've been doing.

I feel your pain. My dh is a philosopher.

[Julie Smith]

Oh, I forgot one because I blocked it out I've heard it so much. "Are they triplets?" I have identical twins and a dd 3.5 years older. Yes, they look similar, but it was kind of ridiculous when they were 1 and 4...lol. At least it makes a little sense now that they are all about the same height.

Not often, but twice I got asked if my boys were twins. Both times were when youngest was 6 to 9 months and eldest was a year and a half older.

 

Made me scratch my head.

[Slojo]

I don't really have anything I've heard tons of times, but there are a couple of doozies I'd pay to never hear again.  

 

- I am an African American mom with a very fair skinned daughter (1 year old). She has rosy cheeks - which acknowledgedly is not a physical trait associated with African American children, but a rosy-cheeked gal she is!) So, when she was 8 months old, a woman stops me in a restaurant and says, "Is she yours?  And did you put make-up on that baby?"  First, you stopped me in a restaurant when I was minding my own business. Second, your first thought is to assume that I put blush on a baby.

 

"Why yes, we're auditioning for Toddlers and Tiaras... except she doesn't toddle yet which might be a problem. Wait? You don't think I'm pushing her too hard and I'm going to live to regret all this, do you?  Nah, celebrity awaits! (Eye roll)"

 

Oh, there's also if I know the other black person they know. Yes, all 35 million+ African Americans are my cousins!  Oh, and some random person starting talking to me about twerking as if I might be an expert on that special little phenomenon. 

[Donna]

Reading all the baby ones reminded me of when dd was a tiny baby (before she had much hair). I had two boys before her and was sick of baby boy clothes/excited to have a girl. I always dressed dd in cute dresses or flowery outfits with little flowered headbands. It used to leave me scratching my head when people would ask, "Is it a girl?"

 

Her clothes screamed "I'm a girl."

[kewb]

A friend of mine is a chem teacher and he is constantly being asked by students if they can join his meth gang and/or can he teach them how to make meth.  Thank you breaking bad.

[OneStepAtATime]

I have laughed my way through this thread instead of paying bills and getting breakfast taken care of.  Wow!  Are human beings really this ignorant and rude on a regular basis?

 

I have one from when I had breast cancer.  On 4 separate occasions, when women I knew (but not well) found out I had cancer and was getting chemo treatments (hair had fallen out, etc) they were all really impressed that my husband had not divorced me and asked if I was grateful.  Seriously?  So you are saying 1.  We must not have a very strong marriage. (thanks, I appreciate hearing your opinion of my marriage is so low while I go through a life threatening illness) 2.  My husband must be incredibly shallow. (see above)  3.  I have very little of value that i bring to this relationship now that I don't have hair. (and yes cutting down my physical appearance does help me feel better, thanks so much).  These women seemed to genuinely be trying to be helpful.  They seemed to think this path in our conversation couldn't possibly be insulting, only supportive.  And on two of those occasions my husband was standing right next to me.   :huh:

 

Regarding having bright kids with dyslexia/dysgraphia:  

1.  "Isn't there some sort of pill you can give them to get over it?"  or

2.  "Children need to grow up sometime.  Even if you are able to teach them better at home you are babying them.  They need to learn to just suck it up and get through it."  

3. "Aren't teachers in the public school system a lot more qualified to teach your kid with learning differences than you are?"  (Having tried that route I can unequivocally say no).

[SKL]

Reading all the baby ones reminded me of when dd was a tiny baby (before she had much hair). I had two boys before her and was sick of baby boy clothes/excited to have a girl. I always dressed dd in cute dresses or flowery outfits with little flowered headbands. It used to leave me scratching my head when people would ask, "Is it a girl?"

 

Her clothes screamed "I'm a girl."

 

I had my kid dressed in powder pink from head to toe, and a Chinese guy asked if she was a boy or girl.  It reminded me that in China, they do the wee boys up similar to how we do girls up (pony tails in hair, etc. - so adorable!).  Pink is just a color after all.  :)

 

[Tenaj]

So are you going to try for a girl?

 

I want to rip the head off people who ask me that. I can't even really explain why. (LOL)

 

This one was mine for years!  We had five boys in a row. When I was pregnant with number 8 I was really hoping it was a boy just because of this attitude that I had faced over and over and over.  Then she's a girl and she was born when I was 44 so probably our last one so now I feel like everyone just thinks we kept having babies until we got another girl . . . I don't know why I let it bug me but it does!

 

Yes, I'm delighted to have another girl but really would have been equally delighted with another little boy.

 

I'll help you rip some heads off!

[AMJ]

"How will he learn to take tests?"

and I guess because I have a "young-ish" looking face, "When do you plan to have child no#2?"  :glare:

 

I had the opposite problem looks-wise.  When my eldest was age 4 and my eldest niece was age 6 they were in dance classes.  During warm-ups of my DD's class I moved to the window looking into DN's class to see what they were doing, and another gal there asked me if I had a granddaughter in that class, too.  When I told her no, it was my niece, and my daughter was in the 4-year-old's class she looked quite offended and moved away in a huff.

 

Since then I have been firmly in the dye-my-hair-to-its-original-brown camp.  I never again want to be mistaken for my kids' grandmother.

:wacko:

[AMJ]

Another thing people assume is that because I have 2 kids, I "need" a minivan.  Now my kids are 7 and soon won't even need car seats, but I still get the "when are you going to buy a minivan."  I have no desire and have never been at any kind of disadvantage / inconvenience over not having a gas guzzler.....

 

I have 2 and do need a minivan, but only because I frequently am also driving nieces and nephews, too.  If I didn't need the seating capacity I'd go for a pickup truck!

[AMJ]

"Are you sure you are not their grandmother?"   :glare:

 

and not a question but one of those "I've heard it a million times" things:  "Hi, Jean.    Oooh.  Hygiene!  Get it?  Get it?"     :rolleyes:

 

"Do you join in the public school programs for homeschoolers?" - which is partly a socialization question and partly a "you must need help from professionals" question/veiled statement.  

 

One SIL frequently makes comments about how she would never be able to handle homeschooling.  Quite frankly, the next time she says this I'm tempted to say, "Oh, I have a LOT more faith in you!  If you felt there was no better option for your kids you most certainly WOULD find a way to handle it!"

 

This is the same SIL who keeps asking me "what about..." questions.  She seems to think that homeschool is merely public school at home, and simply cannot wrap her mind around the facts that I don't give "tests", we don't take summers off (but we also take breaks when her kids are stuck in school), and we frequently make use of the flexibility that homeschooling provides.  And yes, she raises the socialization question a lot, too, despite all of the many, varied things my kids get to do since they don't have to stick to someone else's work schedule.  For Pete's sake, we aren't hermits!

[AMJ]

"Are you guys done having kids yet?"  Asked by people who think we should be done.  umm since when was 3 kids the cut off? actually I got that after my second but it was stated more like this, "Yay, you have a boy and a girl, now you're done right?"  grrr! its none of your business when I'm done.

 

P.S. I'm 4 days late, I've NEVER been late without it being because I was pregnant, so when someone asked me this question today I laughed in their face and just walked away.

 

I have 2 kids of my own, and 8 nieces and nephews.  A couple of years ago I was out with more than half of the kids in my van, and someone asked me, "Are they ALL yours?!?"  I said, "Yes," and we all walked away.

 

Though what really got me was when my kids were still in brick-and-mortar school, and I was chaperoning a school field trip.  I had 3 kids in tow, clearly not twins or triplets (NO family resemblance), all wearing the same school shirts with more parents and classmates close by, when I ran into an aquaintance.  "Oh, are these your kids?"         REALLY?!?

[fairfarmhand]

When are you due?  (I am not pregnant; I just have a fat tummy!)

 

This happens to me fairly often, and it makes me sad every time, even when I know that I shouldn't let it bother me... the first time I was 13 and fairly thin, so it was rather shocking to me.

 

The worst was when someone at church asked me this in front of a group of people, as I was holding my 2-month-old baby. I had to reply in front of everyone-- "I already had the baby! See?"

ahhh...I NEVER assume this.

 

a woman would have to be lying in the floor pushing out a baby for me to assume that she's pregnant.

[AMJ]

Any mention of red hair, especially as it relates to temper. Hard to believe, but all people with red hair are not identical or interchangeable. My red haired kids are by far the milder of the four. My hair is the identical shade to the children's. They really did get it from me.

 

I am going to have to brace myself for all of the "trying for a girl" comments. The circumstances of my child's conception are no one's business, and my boys are not failed attempts. For the love of all things, do not apologize to me for having all boys. It's neither kind nor comforting.

 

My DH is one of 3 boys, with no sisters.  All very fine men!

 

In my very brunette family red hair skips 1 or 2 generations.  My brother had flaming orange hair, blue eyes, enviably thick red lashes, and red freckles.  Until his jaw was reconstructed he looked like NO ONE in either side of the family.  I thoroughly understand Mom being fed up with all of the cracks about the mailman.  Really, the not-veiled-at-all accusations really got old.

[SproutMamaK]

Reading all the baby ones reminded me of when dd was a tiny baby (before she had much hair). I had two boys before her and was sick of baby boy clothes/excited to have a girl. I always dressed dd in cute dresses or flowery outfits with little flowered headbands. It used to leave me scratching my head when people would ask, "Is it a girl?"

 

Her clothes screamed "I'm a girl."

 

My sister and I had our 3 children at very similar times, ie, my oldest is about the same age as her oldest, our youngests are about the same age, etc. She had three girls, I had three boys. Once we went to get family pictures of our kids together, and afterwards we went shopping together, kids in tow. My nieces were dressed in matching filly pink dresses with lace trim and had huge pink bows on their heads. The youngest girl was super chatty at the time, and went up to two women who were probably in the late 20s/early 30s and said "HI! You're very pretty!"

 

One of woman turned to her friend and said "oh my gosh, what a sweet little boy, he thinks I'm pretty." Friend replied: "He is so adorable!"

 

...what.

[AMJ]

I have laughed my way through this thread instead of paying bills and getting breakfast taken care of.  Wow!  Are human beings really this ignorant and rude on a regular basis?

 

I have one from when I had breast cancer.  On 4 separate occasions, when women I knew (but not well) found out I had cancer and was getting chemo treatments (hair had fallen out, etc) they were all really impressed that my husband had not divorced me and asked if I was grateful.  Seriously?  So you are saying 1.  We must not have a very strong marriage. (thanks, I appreciate hearing your opinion of my marriage is so low while I go through a life threatening illness) 2.  My husband must be incredibly shallow. (see above)  3.  I have very little of value that i bring to this relationship now that I don't have hair. (and yes cutting down my physical appearance does help me feel better, thanks so much).  These women seemed to genuinely be trying to be helpful.  They seemed to think this path in our conversation couldn't possibly be insulting, only supportive.  And on two of those occasions my husband was standing right next to me.   :huh:

 

Regarding having bright kids with dyslexia/dysgraphia:  

1.  "Isn't there some sort of pill you can give them to get over it?"  or

2.  "Children need to grow up sometime.  Even if you are able to teach them better at home you are babying them.  They need to learn to just suck it up and get through it."  

3. "Aren't teachers in the public school system a lot more qualified to teach your kid with learning differences than you are?"  (Having tried that route I can unequivocally say no).

 

I cannot click Like enough on this one!  On ALL topics!

 

 

[AMJ]

Reading all the baby ones reminded me of when dd was a tiny baby (before she had much hair). I had two boys before her and was sick of baby boy clothes/excited to have a girl. I always dressed dd in cute dresses or flowery outfits with little flowered headbands. It used to leave me scratching my head when people would ask, "Is it a girl?"

 

Her clothes screamed "I'm a girl."

 

When DH and I were in college we had friends who started their family.  First child: a girl, stocky build, NO hair.  They used to get compliments on what a cute baby boy they had, so W succumbed to pressure to go along with a tradition in T's family of piercing the ears of baby girls.  Shortly afterwards they were at the mall again, with baby girl in a cute dress and earrings, and some junior high boys stopped them to say how cool they were to pierce their little boy's ears.  Whe disabused of the notion (nicely) they responded, "but she's wearing blue!"  It was a dress, with flowers all over it!

[AMJ]

It happens to lawyers and accountants too.  :)  I have had the most bizarre questions - everything from "how can I get my brother his drugs in jail" to "how can I hide some money on a Caribbean island"?

 

My uncle is a podiatrist.  He says people will actually take off their shoe and show him their nasty foot at dinner.  Blech!!

 

We go to a couple of annual parties at the home of a business associate whose wife is a gastroenterologist.  About half of the guests are also gastroenterologists.  They share colonoscopy war stories over dinner.  Once my friend "helpfully" told her that I needed to get a colonoscopy (preventative) since my mom had been diagnosed with colon cancer.  The topic then switched to my colon!  Um, no!!

 

My degree is in archaeology (no, that is NOT dinosaurs!).  After field school one summer much of the department at school met at a local restaurant for supper.  One of the grad students and a professor got into a heated, detailed, LOUD disagreement over whether or not there was evidence of cannibalism in the ancient American Southwest.  It cleared out the entire section of the restaurant.

[SKL]

When DH and I were in college we had friends who started their family.  First child: a girl, stocky build, NO hair.  They used to get compliments on what a cute baby boy they had, so W succumbed to pressure to go along with a tradition in T's family of piercing the ears of baby girls.  Shortly afterwards they were at the mall again, with baby girl in a cute dress and earrings, and some junior high boys stopped them to say how cool they were to pierce their little boy's ears.  Whe disabused of the notion (nicely) they responded, "but she's wearing blue!"  It was a dress, with flowers all over it!

 

My kids had a blue girly outfit when they were babies.  I quit using it because it got so many "boy" comments.

 

My kid brother, on the other hand, had gorgeous curly hair that grew very fast.  Between haircuts, everyone was certain he was a girl.  :P  That used to tick my mom off too.  Whatever!

 

[AMJ]

Are they twins? Are you sure? They really look like twins.

 

 

....like, where is that conversation supposed to go? If I said yeah, what would people say? What is the point of asking this question???

 

"Oh my gosh!  You really think they might be twins?  I did really wonder.  Maybe one just went into hibernation inside me for a few years...."

[AMJ]

Comments/questions where people assume I only wanted to have 2 kids and am done having children because I have the magic number 2. Yes I only have 2 kids, no it doesn't appear likely that I will have more, but that isn't my choice.

 

 

Honestly the first time someone asked me about "prom". I thought I was agreeing with them saying how no prom was just one of the benefits of homeschooling ;). The inane drama surrounding prom annoyed me in high school, so I am glad my girls won't have to deal with it. I didn't go to prom, and I had no idea people seemed to think it so essential. ( BTW I was/am not opposed to prom for religious reasons, I just don't see the point. )

 

I just happen to have not attended prom, either.  I've lost count of how many people (even more than 30 years later!) think I've been seriously deprived of something for not having attended said function.  These same people are shocked and amazed that in college I attended the local fancy balls.

[AMJ]

I just read this thread and realized that I must live in a very polite corner of the universe.

 

It does annoy me when people ask me if I got a haircut. My hair was below my shoulders and now it's chin length, how do you think it happened?

 

No, my cat chewed it off one night.

 

Well, only because I fell asleep on the couch when the safety scissors were in reach of my toddler.

 

No, it's great!  I had one of those buttons put in my back.  Press it and pull on my ponytail and it grows longer again!

 

I found human hair makes the best baby blankets!

 

I cut it off when they were asking for hair donations to soak up the oil from the spill in the Gulf.

 

:lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

The absolute worst comment I had was when I was in a pet store with our disabled dog to fit her for a harness.   I don't mind the "what happened?" questions.  But this one lady, after I told  her that Libby was hit by a car a few years ago, said, "Did you treat her?"  What?  No, we let her drag herself home in her own blood. . .     :glare:

[AMJ]

My husband and I drive truck across the country as a team. People always ask "do you drive the same truck or seperate ones?"

 

Huh?

 

BTW, the woman in my profile picture is my mom. But, our daughter AND those 2 dogs are all on the same truck at the same time. And yep, we are together 24/7 and lots of folks swear they couldn't do it.

 

After sending my kids to daycare from a very young age and years in brick-and-mortar schools I am really loving having my kids around all the time.  They are really neat individuals, and I love watching their brains click!  I don't WANT to send my kids away again, and they are much more socially adjusted hanging around all different ages of humans than when they were cooped up with only those similar to their age.  We are a sedentary lot, but we take field trips and road trips and get out and about more than when they were tied to school buildings.  Sometimes I wonder about the socialization of those still in traditional school environs....

[AMJ]

Do you all sleep together?

 

Yes, all of our bedrooms are on the same floor, and we have one BIG tent for camping.

[zoobie]

It happens to lawyers and accountants too.  :)  I have had the most bizarre questions - everything from "how can I get my brother his drugs in jail" to "how can I hide some money on a Caribbean island"?

 

My uncle is a podiatrist.  He says people will actually take off their shoe and show him their nasty foot at dinner.  Blech!!

 

We go to a couple of annual parties at the home of a business associate whose wife is a gastroenterologist.  About half of the guests are also gastroenterologists.  They share colonoscopy war stories over dinner.  Once my friend "helpfully" told her that I needed to get a colonoscopy (preventative) since my mom had been diagnosed with colon cancer.  The topic then switched to my colon!  Um, no!!

 

Yes! People will ask some random, complicated, legal scenario that's nowhere near anything I practice and ask what I'd do. Uh, I'd call a lawyer. 

[AMJ]

What does he eat?

 

 

DS has food allergies.

 

Food (duh).  "Actually, we just signed a contract with the Russians (now that NASA has been scaled back) to develop hypoallergenic food pastes that are actually pallatable.  DS especially loves the tiramisu paste, although his cousins say it looks like baby poop."  :laugh:

 

I, for one, will quite happily ask about people's dietary restrictions, but only to find out what they can't/shouldn't/don't want to eat.  I love tweaking recipes to make them more available for people I plan to feed.  Mostly because I want to feed them and find out what they do/do not like.  My DH is good about eating most things, but doesn't get excited about food in general.  I guess I'm just looking for more people to tell me something I made is delicious.

[AMJ]

And lots of variations of the above. I TRY to behave myself, I really do. But I have been known to come out with such outrageous answers that they don't know what to say. Sometimes humor for me is the only way to keep from being REALLY rude.

 

And it's so much fun when the snappy comeback is thought of in time to voice it!  I just LOVE the expressions on some of their faces!  (Except those who truly thought I was being serious.  Those are just too scary for words.)

[AMJ]

Yes, this! If I hear "people pay good money to make their hair look like yours" one more time, I might lose it. 

 

We get a lot of "when are you going to have another" or something about only children needing a sibling. We tried for 4 years to have another, I found out I was pregnant in March and had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. Please stop asking me this! 

 

Oh and we hear a lot about our diet. We eat mostly vegetarian. DH has gout and if he eats any meat or egg, his toe swells up to twice it's normal size and he is in so much pain he can't walk. Mostly (DS and I will eat meat and eggs sometimes) plant based for health reasons, please don't argue with it. I never hear people arguing against crappy mainstream diets. 

 

I have hypothyroidism, and have to watch it on the soy.  When I was pregnant with my first I was walking downtown at lunch one day and it was taking longer to get to where I planned to eat than I thought it would take.  Not wanting my blood sugar to get too low I ducked into a Jamba Juice for a smoothie to slurp while I walked on.  The employee asked me if I wanted any Boosts in it, and I declined.  She (maybe age 18) then proceeded to lecture me on how I really should have a protein boost (soy-based) for my baby's sake.  Pregnant lady with blood sugar rapidly tanking -- I gave her a piece of my mind about making medical pronoucements when she was clearly not qualified to do so.  The manager came out to placate me, and I asked if I was going to have to go somewhere else in order to get a basic smoothie made the way I requested (they STILL had not started making it).  They made it quickly, and tried to offer it on the house.  I was so mad I made them take my money.

 

People who presume to tell others how they should eat are one of my biggest pet peeves.

[AMJ]

My babies all were born with a full head of hair but one of them was born with absolutely gorgeous red ringlets. I had a surprising number of people ask me if his hair was real.

 

Oh, it's the latest thing!  Hair implants for babies, so they need never feel the shame of a bald scalp, or feel they aren't virile enough!

[AMJ]

"Mabel, Mabel, Strong and able, get your elbows off the table!"  Said in a perky voice "to the kids" as a "veiled" message to me, relaxing with a cup of warm beverage.  Said by the person chewing noisily with her mouth open.

[AMJ]

I've been dying my grays back to brown because they come in in patches!  Given that I turn 50 this year, and my kids look old enough now, maybe I'll get some nerve up to let my grays stay gray.  Being calico could be neat, now that I know that is some people's natural hair color.

 

Though I bet I chicken out when I see my roots again....

 

 

Quote:

"Do you dye his hair?"

 

EVERY time I take my son in for a haircut the person who cuts his hair asks if we dye it. It is a very unusual shade of strawberry blond, but it's in patches on his head. I call him my calico cat because he'll have a patch of red hair, then a patch of blonde, then a patch that's mixed. The question just makes me wonder if hair dressers encounter a lot of four year olds with dyed hair. 

 

 

 

(I don't know how the quote box disappeared.)

[musicianmom]

Oh yeah, I was just reminded today of the one that gets me. Comments about my "sunburn." Rosacea, people. It's a real thing, and I shouldn't have to slather makeup on every time I take my kids to the park just to shut people up.

[AMJ]

I get this all the time too! I have been veggie all my life (or rather, from age 5).

If someone seems really interested I might have a brief conversation about it...but here in Texas it seems to be almost a sin, lol.

Sometimes I will admit to just waving a hand dismissively and saying something like, "oh, I never worry about it. We just eat cheese pizza and junk food."

 

 

My second field school in college (archaeology) we were working on Forest Service land, so the local FS archaeologist got approval to hire a cook and cook shack to feed us for the season.  Unfortunately, being a government contract in the area he really did have to hire the lowest bidder.  We had students from 3 different colleges working at the site.  Students from 2 of the schools received forwarning, but not from our school:  the guy was clueless when it came to vegetarians.  He thought he could just stock up on American cheese and all would be hunky-dory.

 

My dad had stocked me up with fresh fruit, jarred fruit, lots of produce "munchies" to kick-start my time in camp (I had a pop-up trailer and an ice box, so I could keep it cool until the ice melted).  Between my produce and the forewarned vegetarians we got all vegetarians properly fed for the first couple of days, while they (including 2 vegans) educated the cook on how to feed them.  Turns out his regular food was so horrible it gave everyone in camp bad gas a lot, and he would only let the vegetarians eat the vegetarian food, which was actually quite good.  My vegetarian friends used to go fetch my lunch and dinner for me, so I could have the good food, too, when we couldn't get out of camp to go to town to eat there.

 

Later that summer, after I had to leave (couldn't stay the full season) the FS archaeologist served the guy with formal notice of non-compliance, and the food dramatically improved for everyone.  And he and his family (who he hired to "work" the cook shack) all started changing their gloves between meals instead of turning them inside-out to get a second wearing. 

 

I still shudder to think about the meals that summer.

[AMJ]

I wonder if I'm the only one who flipped my laptop upside down to read your siggy....

 

I'm at a desktop machine.  I flipped myself upside-down to read it!

[The Girls' Mom]

Oh, don't get me started on food issues! My oldest is allergic to peanuts, and has had to be gluten free for a time in the past. One of my other daughters cannot have dairy. My MIL is incapable of grasping the implications.

 

1. Bakes yummy 7 layer bars and makes some just for dd with no peanut butter. After she begins to eat one, mentions that the non pb ones were baked in the same pan as the pb chip ones, only she didn't add chips to that side of the pan.

 

2. Oh, this doesn't have gluten in it, it is just pasta.

 

3. There is only a small amount of _____ in it, it won't hurt.

 

4. Can't she just have a bite?

 

5. There isn't any dairy in that casserole. (In which she used cream of mushroom soup.)

 

Then there is the large number of people that think eggs are dairy, and that dd can't eat them. And the kitchen staff at a church that I had to educate on the ways cross contamination can kill someone with nut allergies. ( Like using a peanut butter knife in the jelly jar!!!)

[Gil]

I don't talk about my kids to anyone anymore. Before learning to keep my mouth shut on the matter, if someone heard about my kids antics they would start recommending me all these drug treatments.

 

"yeah, my neighbors son is out of control too! Try Adderal!!!" Thanks, but my Son is not "out of control." he has an independent streak and no tact, but he is not out of control.

 

"Man, you should get him on meds! My kids doctor prescribed MED to help him be less impulsive." Great, so what do you take to manage your a$$holery?

 

[Spryte]

Oh, don't get me started on food issues! My oldest is allergic to peanuts, and has had to be gluten free for a time in the past. One of my other daughters cannot have dairy. My MIL is incapable of grasping the implications.

 

1. Bakes yummy 7 layer bars and makes some just for dd with no peanut butter. After she begins to eat one, mentions that the non pb ones were baked in the same pan as the pb chip ones, only she didn't add chips to that side of the pan.

 

2. Oh, this doesn't have gluten in it, it is just pasta.

 

3. There is only a small amount of _____ in it, it won't hurt.

 

4. Can't she just have a bite?

 

5. There isn't any dairy in that casserole. (In which she used cream of mushroom soup.)

 

Then there is the large number of people that think eggs are dairy, and that dd can't eat them. And the kitchen staff at a church that I had to educate on the ways cross contamination can kill someone with nut allergies. ( Like using a peanut butter knife in the jelly jar!!!)

 

I'm with you.  Those all drive me crazy, too.

 

And the people who say that DS should just have a little bit of [insert allergen] so he'll learn to tolerate it.  Or the ones who say he'll get "stronger" as he gets older - as if he's weak for having allergies!  

[idnib]

2. Oh, this doesn't have gluten in it, it is just pasta.

 

 

 

It goes beyond food allergies too. We don't eat pork for religious reasons and it's shocking how many people don't know that pork or ham are bacon.

 

Me: Does that dish have any pork?

Them: No, not al all. 

[They set down dish with bacon sprinkled on top.]

Me: Umm, bacon is pork. 

Them: Really? I never knew that!

 

I always wonder where they thought bacon actually came from. Bacon trees, maybe?

 

And yes, I've had the gluten thing too. I still remember someone telling me it would be fine because instead of white flour, they had used whole wheat.  :confused:

[Amira]

I moved to Kyrgyzstan for the first time 9 years ago but I still haven't figured out a good way to answer the "Where is that?" question I nearly always get when it comes up.  Sometimes I try telling them it was part of the Soviet Union and borders China (this is mind-boggling because most Americans think of the Soviet Union as an eastern Europe thing).  Telling them what other countries it borders isn't helpful either since they've never heard of Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, or Kazakhstan. I've also tried having them think of the big empty space in the map in their head between Russia, China, India, and the Middle East and telling them it's in there, but that's giving people too much credit.

 

Some others:

 

What's a nice Mormon girl from Utah doing studying Arabic?  Apparently I'm not nice anymore, and that's fine with me.

Are you going to become a terrorism expert? I guess that's the only reason to learn Arabic if you're supposed to be one of those nice Mormon girls.

Aren't you scared to live there? This can be about any given place in the Middle East, Central Asia, or Mexico.  And no, I'm not.

What do you eat?  A lot better food than you do.

 

And my favorite:

 

Why do you want to live there?  I don't think I could ever make you understand why I do.

[Amira]

. 

 

[Butter]

First I had a girl and then I had a boy.  And then I got Lyme Disease and was advised to wait a while to let my body get stronger before having more children.  I had many people tell me I had the "perfect" family.  There is an almost 5 year break between #2 and #3.  When I was expecting Fritz, I had many people tell me I was "ruining" my perfect family.  I loved to tell people that my parents had a boy and a girl and then had me so did they ruin their perfect family with me?  Cue stuttering and changing the subject.  When I had Adrian people asked if I was disappointed he was another boy.  I had some people ask why in the world I'd have FOUR kids.  Um, maybe because that's how many I wanted?!?!

 

My daughter skipped a grade when she entered public school.  Actually, the long answer is she did 8th at home and entered the appropriate grade, but she is one year ahead based on age-mates.  The short answer is she skipped.  She gets comments saying "You must be really smart" all the time.  Most of the time she just shrugs, but if she's feeling frisky she'll say, "Yup, I am."

 

My daughter's nickname is Ani (pronounced Annie).  It is spelled that way because her actual name is Anastasia.  We did not make a spelling error.  We made it up to make sense with her name.  We get told often we spelled Annie wrong (well, yeah, if that's what we were trying to spell).  We pronounce her name the Russian way.  We are often corrected by people on the pronunciation of her name.  Surely we mean the American way of saying Anastasia.  No, actually we don't.  We really mean it the way we say it.  Just the other day, yet again, I was corrected on the pronunciation.  I needed to change an ortho appointment and I said her name was Anastasia LastName and spelled our last name.  The receptionist said "Oh, you mean Anastasia?" (American pronunciation)  I just laughed and said yes.  We've also been told that we spelled her middle name wrong (it's from the Book of Mormon).  No.  We spelled it right.  It's just not the name you think it should be.

[regentrude]

I moved to Kyrgyzstan for the first time 9 years ago but I still haven't figured out a good way to answer the "Where is that?" question I nearly always get when it comes up.  Sometimes I try telling them it was part of the Soviet Union and borders China (this is mind-boggling because most Americans think of the Soviet Union as an eastern Europe thing).  Telling them what other countries it borders isn't helpful either since they've never heard of Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, or Kazakhstan. I've also tried having them think of the big empty space in the map in their head between Russia, China, India, and the Middle East and telling them it's in there, but that's giving people too much credit.

 

Yes, I imagine it must be frustrating to deal with the geographical ignorance. It is such a beautiful country- I have never been, but I have seen pictures and would love to see the Issyk Kul  lake. One of my favorite authors is Kyrgyz (Aitmatov); loved him as a teen, still do.

 

Now I am going to commit the sin of asking what brought you there.. I am sure you had that question often enough, too, but I'd really like to know, because it is, after all, not the typical choice of country.

[Amira]

Yes, I imagine it must be frustrating to deal with the geographical ignorance. It is such a beautiful country- I have never been, but I have seen pictures and would love to see the Issyk Kul  lake. One of my favorite authors is Kyrgyz (Aitmatov); loved him as a teen, still do.

 

Now I am going to commit the sin of asking what brought you there.. I am sure you had that question often enough, too, but I'd really like to know, because it is, after all, not the typical choice of country.

 

The simplest answer is that we were looking for an interesting place for dh to teach law for a year.  We had lots of Uzbek friends but it's much easier to get a visa to Kyrgyzstan than Uzbekistan, so we ended up in Kyrgyzstan that year.  We went back for a similar reason after trying unsuccessfully for months to get an Uzbek visa (dh speaks Uzbek).

 

The simplest answer to why we got started in Central Asia at all is that we met while studying Arabic and are both fascinated by the Muslim world, but everyone does Arabic and the Middle East and we wanted to go someplace different.  Turkic languages and post-Soviet Muslim countries fit perfectly. :)

[regentrude]

Well I did take a course titled: Geography of the Former Soviet Union".  So I'd have a shot at knowing.  LOL

 

When I was in 6th grade, we had an entire year of geography of the Soviet Union (no"former" then) - taught completely in Russian. So, while I have forgotten most of my vocabulary due to not using it in 25 years, I still recall the words for "wood processing industry" and similar things.

[regentrude]

The simplest answer is that we were looking for an interesting place for dh to teach law for a year.  We had lots of Uzbek friends but it's much easier to get a visa to Kyrgyzstan than Uzbekistan, so we ended up in Kyrgyzstan that year.  We went back for a similar reason after trying unsuccessfully for months to get an Uzbek visa (dh speaks Uzbek).

 

The simplest answer to why we got started in Central Asia at all is that we met while studying Arabic and are both fascinated by the Muslim world, but everyone does Arabic and the Middle East and we wanted to go someplace different.  Turkic languages and post-Soviet Muslim countries fit perfectly. :)

 

So how is Kyrgyz written nowadays? Do they still use the Cyrillic alphabet or have they gone back to Arabic or adopted a Latin one?