If your kids don't practice their instrument...

[julie4]

When do you call it quits? I have to nag my children about practicing their instruments. Dd has been playing piano and ds playing drums for about 9 months. Their initial enthusiasm has been gone for months. I know music is beneficial, but I keep asking myself...why am I spending all this money on lessons and then begging them to practice. Do I give it more time? In your experience does love of playing an instrument grow over time? Any thoughts/advice?

Thank you :)

[EmilyGF]

You need to decide what your goal is for your children. 

 

Here are some goals of families I've known:

 

1) You may quit your instrument when you've practiced without nagging 30 minutes per day for 3 months (their goal - character development and ability to discipline self to practice).

 

2) You may quit when you have mastered Book 3 (or 4 or whatever) of this instrument curriculum. (ability level)

 

3) You can stop if you don't feel like playing anymore (instrument was begun because child wanted to play, not because parent wanted to support or push them)

 

Personally, I fall somewhere between (1) and (2), with my husband falling somewhere in (3). I feel like kids want to practice when they are being successful, yet success comes from practicing. I wouldn't let my child quit an instrument without achieving some goal (ie memorize a piece for the summer recital) - I wouldn't want to have music lessons end on a bad note.

 

That said, I dabbled in various band instruments but was required to play piano consistently. I never learned to practice well, which is why I sit with my young children during their practice times and teach them practice habits. My 9-year-old practices by himself about half the time; my 5-year-old *always* has me sitting with her during practice, my 7-year-old somewhere in between. They have been playing for 3 months now.

 

Emily

[Kevin'sMom]

Three of my six children play piano. Two of them are adults, one of them is 10. The two adults have thanked me many times for insisting they practice. They are both wonderful pianists. Kevin is in his 4th year of piano, loves classical music, plays wonderfully well, and hates to practice. Here is what I do: I sit near the piano and listen, making a couple of helpful suggestions (as helpful as a non-musician can make, that is) here and there, I provide him with "fun" music and sing along sometimes, play a lot of piano music on YouTube that he watches with me, talk about music a lot, and just tell him that he has to practice before he can be on the computer, no arguments. When he is older, he will thank me, just like the other kids!

[Erica in OR]

With the band instruments, it definitely helps my kids to have someone else to play along with, or at least a CD with additional instruments playing along to the song. My three oldest are all in the same homeschool band group, so they'll go work through the songs together for practice.

 

Another unexpected motivator for my kids for piano practice was that I give them their school schedule for the day and they select what subject they'd like to do next. Doing music practice was seen as a top choice when the other options were math and grammar. :)

 

For whether to throw in the towel or not, there's probably an assortment of threads about it. What's your goal for the music lessons? For us, there is a certain level of piano proficiency we're aiming for. Once they reach that point, they can stop lessons if they wish. Band for them has more of a social aspect—they get to play in a group that has many of their friends.

 

Erica in OR

 

 

[petepie2]

I think it's safe to say that, in general, you enjoy what you're good at. Getting good requires practice and effort, which is work. Some kids (probably many kids) can't see past the mountain that is before them that they need to climb in order to see the view at the top. I think one reason learning an instrument is valuable is because it can teach how to work hard for a goal that may not be immediately visible. The big payoff is way down the road. I've heard many seasoned pianists say how glad they were that their parents made them stick with it.

 

Practice at our house is non-negotiable. It's just part of our morning routine. Eat breakfast, practice piano, do your math, etc. My two oldest (age 9 and 7) have been taking for about a year, and I taught my oldest for a couple years prior to that. Practice has never been an issue.....

 

I would try to pinpoint exactly what the problem is. Do they just not like doing the work? Or is the music boring? Is the teacher the right fit?

[julie4]

Doing music practice was seen as a top choice when the other options were math and grammar. :)

Erica in OR

Haha, love this!

 

Thanks for all your quick responses, I guess honestly I haven't given our goals a lot of thought. They wanted to play and I always regretted that I never followed though with my music. So, I need to think about that. But off the top of my head I think it's character building and music appreciation. I think they will enjoy it more when they get good enough to actually play something they like. Everyone has mentioned being present & involved with their practice, I think that would be a good first step since usually I do just send them off to practice on their own. Great advice, thanks to all who responded.

[HS Mom in NC]

No need to nag.  It's just part of our day.  It's not optional just like getting out of bed, brushing their teeth, doing math, doing writing assignments, going to the doctor, going to the dentist and doing chores are not optional.

 

I know professional musicians (including a concert master for a local symphony) who don't really like to practice either.  They do it because it needs to be done.

[Julie Smith]

My boys must take lessons, and therefore must practice untill...

 

They pick another activity that builds a skill. That activity must have an adult teacher/coach/instructor that is not me and require practice of some kind. They must do that activity for a month or two before I let them quit piano.

 

For example drama club, gymnastics, ...

 

For now both boys don't want to try anything else so they keep doing piano. Eldest goes through phases of really liking it and disliking it. Youngest is a go with the flow kind of guy and doesn't have a strong opinion either way about piano and practicing.

 

They have been in lessons for years. They both started really young since my neighbor about 5 meters away offered them the chance for really cheap short lessons starting from age 4? 

[Chris in VA]

I let practice be up to my dd. She plays piano and viola. She only takes piano lessons--the viola is done thru public school orchestra.

 

She practices piano because 1. She loves to play 2. She doesn't want to disappoint her teacher 3. She has enough to do --enough music, theory, etc.

 

She never practices viola--I mean, she's played 3 years, and she's practiced maybe 20 times, honestly. I know her music theory from piano gets her through, and her technique is good enough that she sits 4th chair out of 8 or 9 violas.

 

I just decided I would not get into conflict with her over it, and let the ball be in her court.

 

It's different when you are paying for lessons--we pay $45 for a 45 minute lesson in piano, but I don't have to say a word to her about practicing.

If I were also paying for viola and she wasn't progressing because of non-practice, then I might nag, but I decided from the beginning it'd be her deal.

[duckens]

Dd is 7, and she has been taking piano lessons for ~3 years (summers off).

 

1) Is practice time too long?  When dd started, we only practiced 10 minutes/day.  I am present for practice.  Now she practices for 30 minutes, but this has been a gradual increase over those three years.

 

2)Pay your child.  His/her time is valuable, and this is a skill that is important to YOU.  We started out with 25c/10 minute practice session.   Since she now practices 30 minutes/day, she earns 30c/session.    If one is paying $12+ for each weekly lesson, paying an extra $1.75/week is a small price to pay to get the most out of that time with the teacher.

 

Dd also gets paid a bonus for "number of days in a row practiced."  She colors in a calendar square each day she practices for easy record keeping.  When she practices for 10 days in a row, she gets a $1 bonus.  20  days in a row earns $2.  30 days in a row earns $3......

 

The most that dd7 has earned under this bonus is for 40 days.  Her piano abilities skyrocketed in this time period!  She mentioned recently that she earned $4 for those 40 days, but I clarified that she earned $1 + $2 + $3 + $4 = $10.  Is $10 (over more than a month) a fair price for huge advances in musical skill plus reduced nagging?

And if dd doesn't have enough money for something she wants to buy...well, that's not my problem.  Go practice!

Disclaimer: If you choose to go this route, warn your children that this will be a TRIAL BASIS, and rates or payments may not be continued indefinitely, dependent upon whether this policy fits for your family.

 

3) Be present for daily practice.  Play games.

 

During practice time, we don't just play current songs, but we play past songs. The more songs dd learns, I arrange them in a grid for which old songs to play today.  We do a column of all of her old songs each day if time allows. They make a good warm-up, expand her repertoire, and allow for deeper teaching of musical theory.

 

For new songs, we learn one section at a time by playing it the same number of times as dd's age. 

 

Then dd plays it as well as she can (possibly, the next day).

Then we play Dice of Doom.  This must be said in a doom-like voice: Dice. Of. Doooooooooom!

Supplies: 1 die and a little cup to roll it in.

Theory: most beginner songs can be broken down into 4 parts/staves.

If you roll:

1: play the first section

2: play the second section

3: play the third section

4: play the fourth section

5: play the whole song

6: You are done practicing this song for the day.  The student has "escaped" from the Dice of Doom.  Move on to the next song to practice.

We usually do 5 rounds in practice, with 5 opportunities to "escape" this song.

 

I also take a minute to play the next song or two in the book before dd gets to it.  It is helpful to her to play it if she has the tune in her head already.

4) Should your child do something different artistically? 

Dance?  Ballroom, ballet, jazz?

Painting, drawing, sculpture?

Not everyone is meant to be a musician.

[julie4]

No need to nag. It's just part of our day. It's not optional just like getting out of bed, brushing their teeth, doing math, doing writing assignments, going to the doctor, going to the dentist and doing chores are not optional.

 

I know professional musicians (including a concert master for a local symphony) who don't really like to practice either. They do it because it needs to be done.

I think I've made a mistake in thinking they should want to practice, I think I will put it on their school list and school isn't done until music practice is done.

[IsabelC]

We started off planning to require the kids to do music. I was pretty musical as a kid, and my ideal scenario would have had them all taking piano, vocal, and one or two other instruments as well as a comprehensive course of theory and musicianship (yeah, that was my idea before I had real life kids to deal with  :lol: ). However, after much difficulty, reflection and discussion with dh, we decided that there is no point in forcing a child to do music if the only outcome is that she/he learns to associate playing music with being miserable and in trouble. Our goal is to allow them a chance to experience the fun and satisfaction of being able to play, not to make them into musicians (unless they choose that path). So we decided that music is not compulsory, but if a child does choose to take lessons, then practice is compulsory. We don't have loads of spare cash to waste, so I am not going to pay for lessons if they can't put in a reasonable amount of practice. Plus, more importantly, they need to learn about fulfilling a commitment.

 

In your place, I would first decide on how long the kids must keep doing their music. That might vary, depending on what commitments you have, such as to perform in a recital or band concert, or even that you have enrolled for the year or term with a teacher, but it should be at least a couple of months. Once you have decided on a suitable time - whether that's until the end of the year, the end of the next term, or whatever - I'd tell them that they must work consistently for this amount of time, then they may quit if they still want to. If they agree to this, you have a set amount of weeks in which you can try to improve their attitude, and failing this decide to let them quit (for now) with no regrets.

 

I have to admit, I pretty much did everything wrong when my older kids started lessons. I wanted them to do well and lost sight of keeping it fun. We had some horrible practice sessions where I got angry and the kid ended up crying at the piano. But this year when my third child started music lessons I tried a new approach and it has been going well.

 

The biggest thing I have changed is that I try very hard to be positive about everything. After all, why should a child be motivated to practice music if she sees that it's something adults aren't that interested in and don't even do themselves? I have reawakened my own enthusiasm about music and I spend quite a bit of time playing by myself or with them. For example, my 5yo happily practices scales because nobody has told her that scales are boring and nasty, and she sees me being enthusiastic about them. As soon as she 'got' the sound of major scales well enough to be able to work out a new one out on her own by ear, I told her "Guess what? Did you know there are all sorts of scales? Listen how beautiful melodic minor is! Do you want to try it? And hey, later on you'll be able to do harmonic minors where you get to play a groovy thing called an augmented 2nd, like this!"   :coolgleamA:    (I believe that all parents should play an instrument or sing if they want their kids to. For any parents who haven't ever done music before, Suzuki method lessons offer a relatively painless way for a parent to learn with a child.)

 

I also do bribe her to practice daily :blush: . Generally I don't like to bribe the kids, but it is hard for her, as a 5yo on the spectrum, to stop doing something she likes and start doing something else, even when the something else is also something she likes. So I offer a small bribe to motivate her to get started, and once she gets going she enjoys the practice. (Then, of course, she sometimes doesn't want to stop!)

 

The other thing I do is try to make things as easy as possible for her. I check what she is going to be playing and make sure she knows the tune beforehand, by singing it to her or listening to it on YouTube or both. I pre-teach and re-teach everything I can so that her lesson isn't the only time she hears things (this also makes tightwad sense, because I want the teacher teaching her stuff I can't do myself). I teach her theory separately and let her play by ear so that she doesn't have to work on technique and intonation at the same time as trying to read the music. I take detailed notes during her lessons (again, this is better than letting the teacher waste valuable time making notes) and remind her of practice points as she plays, so that she doesn't have the chance to 'practice in' mistakes (this is another great reasons to work with your kids as they practice, because when you send them off to practice on their own they might be just playing the piece x number of times with the wrong notes / rhythm / fingering / technique). If your kids are used to practicing independently, they might not like you micromanaging their practice, so you may want to start gradually: maybe just sit and listen, occasionally making encouraging comments, for a few sessions before you actually start on specific suggestions.

 

Like duckens said, I can't overemphasize the importance of making practice enjoyable (or at least not excruciating :nopity: ). This is especially true for little kids, but older elementary kids like a bit of fun too (actually, even teens do: I  used a Technical Work Lucky Dip Jar until I was about 17). One game many kids seem to like is playing teacher. You, the parent, 'try' to play whatever your child is working on, and put in deliberate mistakes, making it as amusing as you can. When she stops laughing, she gets to tell you what you did wrong and demonstrate the correct way to play it. You say 'Oh, right!' and try again, with another silly mistake. Later on, if your child gets more advanced, you can make the games more advanced. For example, get an old piece that she now finds really easy, and challenge her to play it using a different rhythm, or half / double tempo, minor instead of major, or whatever. Don't underestimate the power of artificially creating treats. If you give her 3 pieces to work on, and then 'let' her choose a favorite piece to finish off with, she will see this as fun (rather and an extra thing to practice). If there are no official recitals, you might encourage them to work up a small program of pieces to perform for a supportive audience of family members, friends or neighbors. Have a special afternoon tea or supper afterwards and let them bask in the praises of the audience while eating their favorite foods. There are tons of ways to make practice more enticing, only you know what would work well for your dc, but I'm sure you can find some ideas that will succeed.

 

Finally, it could be worth thinking about your early experience with music, and how your current beliefs and feelings have developed. Perhaps you never had the chance to learn, and want your children to have a richer childhood than you did? Perhaps you started music, gave up, and now regret this, so you don't want your kids to give up too soon. Maybe your parents made you practice, and you want to do the same, or maybe your parents didn't make you practice and you wish they had. Whatever your situation, most of us have some kind of 'baggage' around music, as we do with other aspects of childhood and learning. When my son gave up piano, I felt devastated, until it finally occurred to me (with rather a lot of prompting from dh) that if piano is so crucial to me, I can play piano myself; I did, and I felt better :). 

 

Sorry for the long post, but I hope something will be of use to you. Good luck with it!

[Catherine]

I think the issue of practicing is the crux of music training and the place where it is beneficial, IF it is beneficial.   I am a suzuki parent and whole heartedly agree with the suzuki philosophy of music education: that it is about strengthening the parent-child bond, learning the relationship between work and progress, having fun, and *making* fun when there is a lot of work to be done. 

 

To that end, practice for beginners should always end before they ask it to.  It should, without fail, be daily.  So a 5 year old should probably not be practicing more than 5 minutes per day, but that 5 should be concentrated, focused, and productive.  Learning HOW to practice is the whole point, in a way. ALWAYS stop before they lose focus, become bored, or ask to stop.  Truly, even 60 seconds is enough.  Every. single. day. 

 

Success is very motivating.  Once the child begins to make progress, they will be motivated, practice time can very gradually increase.  This is how I built my almost 13 yo to daily practice of at least 60 minutes.  He knows how to make progress, he likes to look for an learn new pieces, and he enjoys a challenge.  He really understands that progress in anything is only possible with work. 

 

It's also important to examine your goals.  The vast majority of children taking  lessons will not pursue music as a career, so if that is your goal, understand the odds.  OTOH, there are many other worthy goals that may have little to do with music. 

[Χά�ων]

If they ate not enthusiastic why not take the summer off and see if that rekindles the joy in it? DS did band and hated it and is taking a break from the drums currently. Ot was time to move him to a full drum set but he interest is waning. I

[Χά�ων]

I view music like I view sports, you do not know if it is your passion until you try and if it's not than that is fine.

[mamaraby]

My dh has very negative memories associated with music and his parents. Once he started something he was never allowed to quit. This was doubly true for musical instruments where it was often couched in terms of quitting an instrument meaning he was not taking advantage of the talents god gave him. He was made to practice and continue an instrument long after he wanted to be finished. He does not thank his parents for that. It's probably among the reasons things aren't so great between him and his parents now (symptom of the greater issue, so to speak).

 

I on the other hand was never made to practice or continue with an instrument past my own interest. Violin I quit at the end of fifth grade. Flute I started in sixth and stopped at the end of ninth grade because I hated marching band. I have very positive memories of playing music and did practice often because I genuinely wanted to.

 

So, when it came to my ds - 9mos was about how long he wanted to play the guitar. He never wanted to practice and it became like pulling teeth. I didn't want it to become a big deal and dh didn't want to become his parents, so when ds indicated he didn't want to take lessons anymore, we stopped. His teacher suggested he might want to try a different teacher, but agreed that stopping was our best option. He suggested we might want to try again later (ds is 9) and said it wasn't unusual for things to click somewhere down the road.

 

I think there's value in kids being able to try things on without huge amounts of pressure to continue when they decide it doesn't fit.

[Harriet Vane]

Practice is non-negotiable here. It has always been a part of the list which includes school, music, sports, and chores. I don't beg my kids to practice. They must do it. Nothing fun happens in their lives until the list I give them in the morning is complete.

[Donna]

You've already had some great replies but I thought I might suggest that maybe they'd prefer to try different instruments?  Maybe they were initially enthusiastic about their current instruments then discovered learning them wasn't exactly what they thought it might be. Maybe a different teacher or a different approach to the music learning might work better?

 

I have allowed my kids to quit music lessons at different times and for different reasons…none of them really practice related. Practice has not been an issue because it has always been part of the routine.

 

My oldest quit drums when he had learned all he could from his teacher and decided to spend the time on his sport in high school. My ds16 quit guitar after about 6 months when he first started because he wanted to learn electric guitar and his hands were too small plus we weren't impressed with the teacher he had. He asked to start up again about a year later and then took lessons for years from a teacher who really inspired him and taught him in a way that worked really well for him letting him pick pieces or parts of pieces (if he didn't have the skill to learn the entire piece) to learn every other week so he stayed interested. Funny, after a couple years, he switched back to acoustic guitar and plays that exclusively now. He quit lessons again in high school but still practices/plays on his own a lot.

[...................]

My daughter took piano for two years and did very well. But the years during practice time combined with a teacher who couldn't get her act together due to taking on too many students, caused me to think she shoud quit.

 

She began taking flute online with Rebecca Fuller and did very well at first. But as soon as the practice increased past 30 minutes it became a fight. At this point she began with a private teacher and from the start it seemed like. Bad fit. The womN never was able to make it fun and didn't smile or laugh or giggle or any of those personal things that my dd, being a sociable Sue, needs. So we dropped the expensive lessons and are now back to the online lessons.

 

My solution has been to give my dd the Time Timer and have her practice for only 30 minutes. She seems to handle that very well.

 

This means that she will probably never get past the equivalent of book 4 or 5, but she will be able to play some beautiful and pretty tunes and understand music.

 

My advice for you is to just move slow, set the timer for 20 minutes if that's all they will do cheerfully and tell the teacher you'd rather move slowly than end up fighting and quitting.

 

My dd's friends who were way way behind her in piano when we quit are now on book 4. They are trudging along little by little. It worked for them!

[Wabi Sabi]

Practicing is also non-negotiable for us. The top two priorities as far as school is concerned each day are math and piano! Even if nothing else gets done, I'll still make sure math and piano are not skipped over. 

Perhaps I would feel differently if it was another instrument, but when ds begged for piano lessons the first step was getting a piano. We spent months looking for a good used piano, had to save up money to purchase it, paid several hundred dollars more to have it professionally moved, then another couple hundred to have it tuned plus we had to completely rearrange our living room and give up some furniture in our house to make room for it. We made it clear from the beginning that if we were going to have to do that much just to simply acquire the instrument that there was going to be certain level of commitment expected from him, and that he wouldn't be allowed to simply quit after a few month of lessons if he changed his mind. 
 

If it was a flute or guitar that could easily be tucked into a closet or resold maybe I wouldn't be so stringent... 

[...................]

The children need to know that it's ok to love slowly and not to give up when something is hard. That's why I don't want my dd to drop the flute altogether. We can't afford 140.00 per month for lessons if she's not into it but we can afford 25.00 per month , and she can move slowly.

 

I think the real difficulty with private lessons and letting a child move so slowly is that you wonder what you are paying 150.00 for, if they barely practice 15 or 20 minutes.

 

But I still think moving slowly is better than quitting, as long as you can see yourself sticking in it for the long haul.

 

Also consider your kids. My dd gets sick with anxiety from sitting still too much. So sitting at the piano was like torture. At least with the flute she can move around a bit. Can your boys get up and stretch between every song?

[Cammie]

DD has been taking violin for about 4 years.  Initially she did not love it, did not eagerly practice.  But we explained that there were no expectations that she would be a concert violinist but we wanted her to have an instrument that she could play well for her own enjoyment.  We were not very strict about practice and we don't push rapid progress.  But she has been slow and steady in it.  This year she was asked by her school music teacher to perform at school functions a few times.  She is starting to initiate practice times on her own and to make sure she practices enough for her next lesson.  She enjoys it more now and I feel it is something she will pursue for her own enjoyment for many years.  Mission accomplished.

[Wildiris]

Three of my six children play piano. Two of them are adults, one of them is 10. The two adults have thanked me many times for insisting they practice. They are both wonderful pianists. Kevin is in his 4th year of piano, loves classical music, plays wonderfully well, and hates to practice. Here is what I do: I sit near the piano and listen, making a couple of helpful suggestions (as helpful as a non-musician can make, that is) here and there, I provide him with "fun" music and sing along sometimes, play a lot of piano music on YouTube that he watches with me, talk about music a lot, and just tell him that he has to practice before he can be on the computer, no arguments. When he is older, he will thank me, just like the other kids!

All of my children have played piano. I sat with all of them while they practiced, encouraged and corrected, but mostly listened. As they grew up and took more responsibility for their practice I stepped back. If I make their endeavours important enough to me so that I stop my busy life to pay attention, then they make it important to themselves. I would not expect a child younger than 10 to practice alone and make progress. Parent participation is a must. 

[Tess in the Burbs]

I have a friend whose kids practice before school.  It isn't something they want to do, but must do, so it's done first to get it over with. She requires them to take piano until they leave home. 

 

We had a different view of it.  I took music lessons(piano) starting in 3rd grade.  I loved it.  When my parents were divorcing I could have cared less.  but they made me continue. I couldn't quit.  I never practiced.  It frustrated my teacher, my parents, and myself.  My kids begged to play instruments at age 6 and 7.  I wanted them to wait but they were begging, so Dh said yes.  They were hung ho for awhile.  Even went to multiple lessons a week. Both were good at what they chose and happy practicing.  Then one kid stopped wanting to go to practice.  Faked being sick.  Stopped practicing.  We offered a different teacher and instrument.  Nope, he was DONE.  So we let him quit.  He hasn't ever picked it up to play again.  He wanted to do it, he did, it's over.  Second kid quit a few months later when we moved.  She too didn't want to practice anymore but I had pushed her harder b/c she was so very good.  Her teacher wouldn't let her quit either lol.  But with the move we agreed to take 3 months off.  She never picked it up in that time.  I returned the instrument and she has never expressed interest to play it again.  She did express interest in piano, but told me she won't practice.  She just wants to play.  Sooooo, until she is willing to practice daily I won't let her have lessons.  

 

I have no regrets letting them quit something they didn't want to do.  It's costly for us, and frustrating to a teacher who has to assign the same piece week after week after week.  My teacher knew I didn't want to be there.  And I got it.  So our family tries things.  You love it, you have our support.  You hate it, you are allowed to quit.  We do have to finish what we start....so you must finish a season/month of what has been paid, but it is your choice.  

 

I have to be so many roles as a mom, adding in nagging about music lessons, wasn't a role I wanted after my own experience as a child.  And I can still play piano, but I don't.  I bought one, but hope to sell it.  I too, did it and am now DONE.

 

We get a lot of flack from people letting our kids quit things.  But why put your time and money into something they don't want or enjoy.  If you require music lessons then let them pick another instrument or be open to alternatives(voice/chorus or music theory). 

[J-rap]

For our kids, we told them they had to take piano until they could play a certain song that was at a certain level.  They were required to practice every day, and it was part of their school curriculum.  They did it just like they did math and science and everything else.  Once they could play the song, they could quit.  Every single one of them went on to use that music in one way or another.  Some were better than others, or have used it more than the others, but they all are glad it was part of their background.

[Targhee]

My beginners needed lots of co-practicing. After three years they are mostly practicing on their own, but I listen in and give (unwanted) help. In the beginning I would have to be right there or talking to them from the next room. This was not because the material was hard, but because I wanted them to firm good habits. Also, we worked up to full practices - 20 min eventually to 40.

 

There are no screens allowed until practicing is done. They have 5 days a week of practice (no practice on lesson day and none on Sunday), and if they miss it's double practice later (and no screens).

 

We have done lessons through the summer and a break in the summer, and I think a short break is good and helps them get excited again, so maybe your kids need a short rest?

[Doodlebug]

Music is just like math and grammar. The novelty of a new thing lasts for a couple of months, and then... But we do tend to have a magical expectation of music. That it will enamor, fulfill, and do something magical to and for our kids.

 

There is much we don't know about the benefits of music, but the study of it is simple. Just like any other core subject, it's about breaking it down, learning the method, and submitting to the discipline of what is required. That last part is where your kids are -- and it's just as whiny in my house as it is in yours. Only it isn't all my son, but my violin students too.

 

Totally normal. And this is absolutely the time you change up some things, but abandoning music 9 months in... Just when they are coming to the end of novelty and about to develop the inner muscle that makes music so worthwhile... Keep at it!!!

 

Work on inspiring... Summer brings lots of live music events that are more family friendly. If a drummer or pianist happens to be part of it, all the better.

 

Listening... Expose them to great musicians in their chosen instruments. Look at biographies of great musicians.

 

And then,

 

Make music their job. Thirty minutes everyday before they get free time.

 

Do sit down with them on occasion (even I can only do it once a week consistently). Ask their teacher for a method of practice that can be utilized instead of "performing" pieces over and over (not practice).

 

Explore different kinds of music. My son has a five finger Star Wars book with accompaniment, and he gets so excited when I'm willing to indulge something he loves.

 

Go backwards. Have them play older pieces so they can appreciate how far they've come. This is a real kick for my younger struggling violin students.

 

HTH!

 

Stella

[julie4]

Music is just like math and grammar. The novelty of a new thing lasts for a couple of months, and then... But we do tend to have a magical expectation of music. That it will enamor, fulfill, and do something magical to and for our kids.

 

There is much we don't know about the benefits of music, but the study of it is simple. Just like any other core subject, it's about breaking it down, learning the method, and submitting to the discipline of what is required. That last part is where your kids are -- and it's just as whiny in my house as it is in yours. Only it isn't all my son, but my violin students too.

 

Totally normal. And this is absolutely the time you change up some things, but abandoning music 9 months in... Just when they are coming to the end of novelty and about to develop the inner muscle that makes music so worthwhile... Keep at it!!!

 

Work on inspiring... Summer brings lots of live music events that are more family friendly. If a drummer or pianist happens to be part of it, all the better.

 

Listening... Expose them to great musicians in their chosen instruments. Look at biographies of great musicians.

 

And then,

 

Make music their job. Thirty minutes everyday before they get free time.

 

Do sit down with them on occasion (even I can only do it once a week consistently). Ask their teacher for a method of practice that can be utilized instead of "performing" pieces over and over (not practice).

 

Explore different kinds of music. My son has a five finger Star Wars book with accompaniment, and he gets so excited when I'm willing to indulge something he loves.

 

Go backwards. Have them play older pieces so they can appreciate how far they've come. This is a real kick for my younger struggling violin students.

 

HTH!

 

Stella

Thank you so much, all of this makes so much sense to me. I can definitely work on inspiring them. I bet you are fabulous music teacher, you've sure reassured & inspired me!

[Meriwether]

 

Another unexpected motivator for my kids for piano practice was that I give them their school schedule for the day and they select what subject they'd like to do next. Doing music practice was seen as a top choice when the other options were math and grammar. :)

 

Erica in OR

This is us. The kids practice often. It is an excuse to get up from the school table that mama endorses.

[Pronghorn]

We have a policy that the parents take responsibility for paying for the lessons and the kid for practicing. No practice would lead to no paying and therefore no more lessons. That said, my daughter's productivity during practices has varied widely. The key to fire her up is integration of her learning. So, she can play things that are not assigned, e.g. playing her choir songs on her clarinet, playing hymns, playing popular songs. Once she got away from the repetitiveness of playing the same boring songs over and over to perfect them, her abilities leaped forward. Variety keeps her engaged. Perhaps this would help with your child too.

[...................]

I don't know...I can honestly look back at my stint with the Clarinet and I pretty much had NO love for it AT ALL.  My mom let me quit, and she was totally right in letting me quit! I went on to be in the play 3 years and in the choir 6 years in middle and high school.  I found my biggest love in Choir and Swimming, and I didn't even start swimming until I was 13.5! But I swam Varsity and loved it.

 

So...I don't know.  I think slow and steady, wins the race.  But on the other hand there is only so much money and time in a young person's life and maybe it's not really worthwhile to waste it on years and years of practicing something they just don't love.

 

I love the idea of hanging in there until a certain book is mastered.  In looking at the practice books from piano, it seems that Book 4 in most sequences would be a great bar to reach.  At that point, they will be proficient enough to play some truly beeautiful pieces, read music well enough to remember it long term, and they can also switch to another instrument, and play Christmas songs.  

 

In fact, I might do this with my dd too if she asks to quit flute again.

[Dmmetler]

Piano practice is a subject here, and, as others have said, I think DD considers it a nice change of pace between subjects that actually require picking up a pencil. Having it be part of the school day makes a big difference. I also don't require practice on weekends if she's done a reasonable amount of good, focused practice during the week (and her teacher is fine with that)-if she ended up not finishing during the week for some reason, she has to make it up on the weekend, just as she would if she hadn't finished other schoolwork.

 

This year she really ramped up her practice time, and I think it's because she finally got to the point where the music was interesting and more fun to play.

[Mom-ninja.]

Practice at our house is non-negotiable. It's just part of our morning routine. Eat breakfast, practice piano, do your math, etc. My two oldest (age 9 and 7) have been taking for about a year, and I taught my oldest for a couple years prior to that. Practice has never been an issue.....

 

 

 

This is how it is in my house. It's just part of the school day.

[Pen]

My son had to stop his instrument for a while due to a finger injury. Then he returned to it, and did not want to do it with a teacher, but just to go back over what he had learned and forgotten. I think he is enjoying it more the second time around, and even though the lessons had seemed as if they might have been a waste due to not enough practice and so on, now in retrospect, they seem like they were very beneficial. Even though he had apparently forgotten everything, it is much easier for him now.

 

My goal for him was just exposure to actually trying an instrument and what is learned by doing not just listening, and the possibility of having a social instrument to play, where great proficiency would not be needed. We were also limited by space, funds, and available teachers--as well as needing something that would not cause the dog to cry and howl or me to get a headache.  Had he taken to music and it become his passion, that would have been another matter.

[SunshineMom]

When my dd10 was younger, I would have her sit for 20min and practice the piano about five days a week.  Now she plays through out the whole day, everyday but in increments of 5-10 min.  I don't need to ask her to practice.  She will often work on writing her own pieces as well as play current pop pieces for fun.  Playing the piano has also become something that settles her emotions or is used to demonstrate her emotions.  She enjoys learning to play well and has an excellent teacher who challenges her.  Violin practice has not been as consistent however she still wants to learn how to play it.

[julie4]

My husband sat with our kids when they practiced last night and sent a recording if it to their out of state grandparents. I sat with them today and they really enjoyed performing for me. I really think that us being more involved in their practice will help to motivate them. Thank you to all!! 😊

[FriedClams]

.

[FriedClams]

In our house, practice time isn't optional. It's like chores, school, etc. No piano practice - no other stuff. When chores, piano, and schoolwork are done then there are screens, friends, sports, projects, free time, etc...

[IsabelC]

As somebody already said, it helps a lot to define your goals. I don't want music to be a chore, or schoolwork, because nobody likes chores, and schoolwork stops when you leave school (and on the practical level, do you give your kids a week off practicing every time you have a week off school? because I really like practice to be every day of the year, including holidays, birthdays, etc unless the kid is ill). I want music to be a gift, and a pleasure that can be carried into adult life. 

[eternalsummer]

When I was a kid I played flute from 5th grade through 12th (PS), and got pretty decently good at it (22nd best in my state! which seemed like a big deal at the time).  My parents never required or even encouraged regular practice.   They paid for lessons (not muhc $ back then, maybe $40 a month) for 7 years. I went through stages of practicing feverishly, 2 hours a day, and stages of not picking it up for weeks (except during the school day for band).  I never wanted to quit, and I haven't played (with a couple of very minor exceptions) since high school.

 

Band was a large motivator for me, and competition.  Do your children like to play at all?  Is there a certain standard they must reach to gain something they want? (a higher chair in a local band/orchestra, or even just acceptance into that band?)

[Lieutenant Stranger]

We totally had this problem for our 9-year-old and violin. Go read "The Entitlement Trap" book. It is now one of her daily "jobs" which she gets paid for. Her teacher said she needed to practice 60 minutes a week-- she decided on 3 days of 20 minutes. Has completely changed how she practices and I've seen TONS of improvement without an ounce of nagging for me.

 

 

[Dory]

It is not optional, just like any other daily thing. If they want to change instruments, they may do so when they have reached Conservatory level 3. If they still hate it when they are 13, they can quit.

 

Kids have to be taught good practice habits. I sat with them for half of their first year. My youngest has just decided that he loves his piano and he has been playing for 2 1/2 years now. The kids have a timer on top of the piano and they set it when they first sit down to practice and don't leave until the timer is done.

 

Also, we have a jar that the kids are trying to fill with marbles that they earn. When it's full, they choose a place they would like to go and we take a field trip/ school holiday. They each get a marble for morning chores being done with no nagging (one reminder is fine), a marble for piano with no nagging from me, and a marble for effort in their studies without my nagging them to stay on track. So a possible 3 marbles each a day and they can earn a bonus marble if they volunteer themselves with helping out around the place in the afternoon.

 

Earning marbles, setting the timer, and putting it in the category of a chore, has made it a non issue in our house.