Share something that you used to think true about parenting, but now laugh at?

[Tap]

BEFORE KIDS: I used to think that kids were mailable like play dough and that they basically grew up to be what their parents raised them to be. I thought that kids had their own characteristics but the bulk of their behavior was a direct result of how they were raised. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

 

NOW: I know that kids are basically a block of marble at birth. That while as parents we can help give them some direction (for better or worse) or definition of feature, that they are who they are, and us parents are along for the ride!

:auto:

[Amy in Orlando]

I used to think that if I did not allow my boys to watch tv, buy them toy guns or weapons that they would play nicely with the "gentle" toys I'd selected.

 

I'll never forget the day my 2 yo "attacked" his infant" twin brothers with a "fighting thing" (his word) made from legos. It was very close to being a hand-held assualt weapon. Things did not improve.

 

The other thing that totally cracks me up is looking back at my "single self" (in my totally adorable suit and heels) shopping after work thinking "I will never allow my child to have a tantrum in the grocery store - or I will never open a box of cookies in the grocery store - or I will never let a kid eat a grape before we leave the store! Talk about karma. I was paid back for my ignorant thoughts ten-fold!

[riada]

Before kids: I thought that children were loud because their parents were loud. And the parents aloud it because they didn't realize the both of them were loud.

After kids: I realize some kids just are loud despite the parents' best efforts to teach them "inside voices".

 

 

Before kids: I thought people blamed everything on their kids, like the house being a mess, things being broken, them being late for appointments.

After kids: I know it is harder to have a clean house, have nice things, and be on time while dragging four children behind you.

[Tap]

Talk about karma. I was paid back for my ignorant thoughts ten-fold!

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I say that all the time! I work with two pg women who make comments like "I would leave the grocery store immediately if my child was throwing a tantrum". I just laugh and say "just you wait!" You will regret you ever said that!

 

God always thumps me on the head with a big dose of karma every time I judge someone else....he sure has a funny sense of humor! :D

[Amy in Orlando]

:lol::lol::lol:

God always thumps me on the head with a big dose of karma every time I judge someone else....he sure has a funny sense of humor! :D

 

Yep. It really is amazing how often I've been "paid back" for strong opinions on subjects that I knew absolutely NOTHING about. I'm hoping it's just training to make me a good mother-in-law someday.

[*anj*]

Well, I have quite a few. I worked in a daycare center for awhile, and we were very judgmental of the parents. Since becoming a mom, I have eaten a lot of humble pie.

Some of the things we criticized them for:

forgetting to bring diapers

not clipping their nails often enough

skipping a bath one night (we knew because we'd find lint in the baby's neck folds or yesterday's green paint still on the kid's kneecap)

bringing a runny nosed kid to us

forgetting to restock the diaper bag with fresh clothes/wipes/etc.

 

I remember saying "How hard is it to tidy up the diaper bag and put fresh things in it?"

 

Um, purty dern hard sometimes, Sweetheart.

And some of our clients were med students. I seriously don't understand how those women even survived. They had such a hard time. I know they signed up for it, but still. :(

[NevadaRabbit]

Would y'all think I'm a total idiot if I say, dang near everything I used to think about parenting, I now laugh at?!??

 

My child will never...

 

act up in the grocery store/restaurant/airplane

puke on me

speak to me like that

be allowed to have ice cream for breakfast

wear shoes/clothes with holes in them (yeah try taking that favorite pair of holey camo-sweats away from Mr. Moose and see how many fingers YOU have left)

 

and I will never...

 

yell at my child in public

let my child stay up past 9 or sleep late

permit my children to waste time on computer games or mindless tv

say to my child "knock that off or i will knock you into next week"

lose my calm, my temper, my wise rational mind.......

 

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! :smilielol5:<----this guy cracks me up

[newlifemom]

I cannot post anything here because it might be used against me in a court of law.

 

 

 

 

 

:D

[Mrs Mungo]

Kids are mostly products of their environments.

 

Yeah...I'm now a HUGE believer in nature over nurture.

[keptwoman]

Oh goodness, where to start....

 

I thought parents should keep their children quiet,

So I get the loudest daughter ever created (you think I'm exaggerating don't you!)

 

I thought that well disciplined children didn't tantrum in public

Ha, yes, so I get one that strips his clothes off while screaming at the top of his lungs when tantruming in the mall, and the one who starts to throw things around the supermarket and has to be physically restrained.

 

My children would never appear in public unless looking spotless and co-ordinated

Actually I managed to hold onto this for about 4 years. Mr C tends to favour dress ups or complete lack of co-ordination, and I have better things to worry about.

 

My children would behave in restaurants.

Again, this was J. C however was quite a different matter, it was many years before we could go to restaurants again.

 

My children would never be allowed to play with toy weapons and wouldn't want to.

And they certainly wouldn't spend every minute at other peoples houses playing with their toy weapons, and certainly wouldn't make weapons out of sticks, lego, fingers, rolling pins etc etc etc.

We allow weapon toys now and they hardly see the light of day.

 

Well actually I wasn't planning to have children, I thought they were dreadful creatures, but certainly any poor behaviour was 100% the parents fault.

 

Karma smacked me a good one huh. So much for not having them, not sure how I ended up with 3 and homeschooled ones at that!!

[Plaid Dad]

I used to believe that if you just exposed a child to a wide variety of foods from the get-go, the child would never be a picky eater.

 

Enter the child of inveterate foodies, who eats nothing that is not beige. ::sigh::

[MyThreeSons]

that there was a "right" way to raise kids, and that if I followed it, my kids would be perfect.

[cin]

I cannot post anything here because it might be used against me in a court of law.

 

:D

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

 

 

 

I thought I would choke when I read this one!!!!!!!! It's perfect!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I will never talk to my kid like that!!!!

 

10 yrs later: 'Shut up and don't look at each other!' 'Well, you don't have to get all pi$$ about it' And I have no idea where that one came from!!!

 

TV should NOT be used as a babysitter. Ignorance is bliss, huh?

 

I cannot believe she opened that food before she bought it!!! Now, whatever it takes to make it through the grocery store without CPS knocking at my door next week.

 

Why can't mom's just wash the kids clothes? How difficult is it to keep their clothes clean? How can they let their kids run around looking so trashy. :rofl::rofl::rofl: My children are in clean clothes when we leave the house. Zoie, though, by the time we get there, sitting in the car, buckled up, can find someting to get herself dirty.

 

That's all I can think of, right now. I'm sure there's a TON more.

 

 

[cin]

I used to believe that if you just exposed a child to a wide variety of foods from the get-go, the child would never be a picky eater.

 

Enter the child of inveterate foodies, who eats nothing that is not beige. ::sigh::

 

 

I forgot about this one!!!!! Dd does HAVE to eat whatever is given to her....BUT, she does not like tomato based sauces or melted cheese. So, no spaghetti o's, mac & cheese, or grilled cheese sandwhiches for lunch. NOW WHAT???? As an infant, she use to gag on soft foods, like mashed potatoes. Funny though, Ice cream NEVER made her gag.

[hmschoolmom22]

that there was a "right" way to raise kids, and that if I followed it, my kids would be perfect.

 

:iagree:

[JFSinIL]

That my kids would listen to me and obey at the first request. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Danestress]

I guess that while many of you have been surprised at how hard it is to raise children, how imperfect you are compared to what you imagined, I've had the opposite experience.

 

I was totally unprepared for how much I would love them, how fun being a mother would be, and how much I would love the day to day challenges of mothering. My mother, and many other women too, really scared me regarding boys. I was given the general impression that boys are wild, non-verbal, dirty, and difficult. I suppose I was prepared for this to just be much harder than it really is.

 

My boys have been such a source of pleasure, and I hate to say this, but my mother really always made me think that daughters are a joy to their mothers, but sons are just sort of a problem. She didn't have any sons, though, and no one (besides DH and I) has enjoyed my boys more. She adores them. She's learned some things too, I guess.

[KSGrace]

I thought I would always understand my children...I wouldn't be just their parent but also their wise and always loving friend. HA!

 

I never thought I would look at my children (daily), whatever mess or catastrophy they have created and have my only response be..."what the...??" And follow that great parenting with about 5 minutes of just staring at them bewildered and shocked.

 

My children confuse me daily with their very..um..unique thought processes and ability to wreck a room in 2 seconds. LOL

[sweetbaby]

I use to think that people could control their children in public places but chose not to....

 

Now I think that people could control their children in public places but choose not to

 

:glare: ( a little morning sarcasm)

[Trivium Academy]

BEFORE ds4: A child's behavior in public is the telltale sign of how the child is being raised.

 

AFTER ds4: A child's behavior in public is only the tip of the iceberg of how the child is being raised, disciplined, etc.

 

BEFORE: Children aim to please their parents. (This thought was reinforced by dd, who is very compliant)

 

AFTER: Children aim to please themselves but crave affirmation from their parents.

[Joanne]

I used to think that if I did not allow my boys to watch tv, buy them toy guns or weapons that they would play nicely with the "gentle" toys I'd selected.

 

Yes. Pre-kids (and when I was more of a staunch believer in organized feminism), I believed that gender related behavior was complete and total social scripting.

 

I believed (thanks, mom) that sleeping with your kids = complete and total spoiling and that they'd be there until their marriage night.

 

In general, I believed that personality and temperment was formed rather than discovered. I still believe it's a mix, but the percentages have shifted.

[Guest]

:iagree: to all of the above. Definitely eating my slice of humble pie right here.

[Jenny in Atl]

I used to believe that if you just exposed a child to a wide variety of foods from the get-go, the child would never be a picky eater.

 

Enter the child of inveterate foodies, who eats nothing that is not beige. ::sigh::

 

Give her a little time... dd12 had the "Roman" diet for a time. Grapes, cheese, olives, and bread. And that's all she ate. Now I'm happy to report she eats almost everything, even green things!

[Alice]

So many of the previous posts apply to me too....

 

About 6 months after having C. I felt like I should call all the families in my practice that I had seen in the preceding 4 yrs and tell them to ignore all the advice I'd given them up to then on any behavioral/feeding/sleep topic. :D I totally changed after having my own...although now my advice is more along the lines of "everyone is different". I do a much better job at trying to help parents figure out what will work for them and their child rather than having one solution for everything.

 

The best example is sleep....

Before kids: I recommended Ferber to everyone and believed it would work.

 

After kids: We scratch C.'s back or snuggle with him so he can fall asleep. I snuggle H. to sleep and go back and sleep with him for much of the night if he wakes up. We've never done the cry it out method...it just didn't work for me. We've had the kids in our bed, or snuggled with them, or rocked them or nursed them in the night depending on what worked for them and us at the time.

 

Ok...C. wants to insert a smiley as he's watching me type so I'm letting him pick one...:auto:

[Alice]

Give her a little time... dd12 had the "Roman" diet for a time. Grapes, cheese, olives, and bread. And that's all she ate. Now I'm happy to report she eats almost everything, even green things!

 

Agree with give her time...I was a horribly picky eater as a child. My Mom still comes to visit and says things like "Wow, there is squash in your fridge. I'm so proud of you." :001_smile:

 

Also, there is some interesting research about "super-tasters". http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/articles/senses/supertaster.shtml. Just tell yourself that you have a SUPER-taster daughter rather than a picky eater. :)

[Parrothead]

Fruit. My child would eat a large variety of fruit daily. Not! She hates it in most any form. Thank goodness for vegies.

[Laurie4b]

I now tell expectant parents: You're the best parent now that you'll ever be! (Meaning all that idealism that you have is going to be blasted by reality)

 

I used to think that there was such a thing as a parenting success--someone who never made signficant mistakes and I was going to be that.

I now think that parenting is an undertaking doomed to a certain amount of failure.

 

I used to think that I would never do something to hurt my kids. (I'm not talking abuse here, but things you say or do that hit their hearts in a way you would never have intended, that you wish you could take back.)

I now pray that God will take their hurts and make them stronger.

 

I used to think that I wanted a girl. After 4 boys, I think I wouldn't know what to DO with a girl!

 

I used to think (back when I worked with outrageous kids in children's mental health) that kids could not make me lose my cool! (Don't laugh at me! I was a professional!) Then our first foster son said FU (I'd heard it a million times before, but not from a child I considered my own) and I understood the difference it makes when it's your own kid!

 

I used to think (back in those pre-child, professional days) that parents with special needs kids needed to be taught better parenting skills as the first priority. I subsequently thought (after fostering exactly one of those kinds of kids) that the top priority was respite care so the parents could actually have the wherewithal to use their parenting skills!

 

A friend teaches archery. He has a saying, "My job as a dad is to shoot my kids farther than I got shot." I like that way of looking at it! Progress, not perfection!

 

I used to think that parenting would be this wonderful adventure of love and joy. I still think that!

[Murphy101]

BC = I'd look with distain and displeasure at someone who didn't have the "seen but not heard" child.

 

AC = I just laugh in comraderie at the harried mother who is staring down at her fit throwing child in the aisle while another screams in the cart and says, "You are driving me crazy! Get up! We don't have time for this! You are sooooo lucky there are witnesses around young man!":lol:

 

Dh actually witnessed that this morning when he ran out for milk. Dh just laughed at her (with her?) looked down at the "young man" and said, "Hey Don't mind me I'm not looking.." ;) The lady just stared at him stunned and then started cracking up. I wonder what the other shoppers were thinking watching that scene?

[Sandy in Indy]

I used to think parenting was a one-time-figure-it-out kind of deal. That worked with #1 and 2. Then #3 came along and I had to revise a whole lot of my parenting philosophies. So many things I swore I would NEVER do with MY kids became commonplace in my house. Like co-sleeping...couldn't imagine it. After 4 months with ds3, I couldn't imagine sleeping. Desparation put him in our bed...sleep. It was magic.

 

I had a friend who had a 2 yr old that wouldn't wear buttons--anywhere, functional or not. I remember telling her to just put the clothes on the kid. Had to apologize later when I got my "not doing that" kid. Me and an army couldn't have put buttons on ds3 if he decided he wasn't wearing them. That started at...uh...about 3 wks old. Can you say high needs, strong willed????

[NevadaRabbit]

I used to believe that if you just exposed a child to a wide variety of foods from the get-go, the child would never be a picky eater.

 

Enter the child of inveterate foodies, who eats nothing that is not beige. ::sigh::

 

I used to believe that too, then God gave me my first child to show me my foolishness! I cannot believe how many other parents, some well-meaning and others just snotty, gave me completely unsolicited advice on how to "make" her eat. I wanted to grab some food they detested, cram it down their gullet, and see how much they liked it. :glare:

[NevadaRabbit]

I never thought I would look at my children (daily), whatever mess or catastrophy they have created and have my only response be..."what the...??" And follow that great parenting with about 5 minutes of just staring at them bewildered and shocked.

 

:lol: I have that bewildered and shocked look on my face frequently.

[NevadaRabbit]

I guess that while many of you have been surprised at how hard it is to raise children, how imperfect you are compared to what you imagined, I've had the opposite experience.

 

I was totally unprepared for how much I would love them, how fun being a mother would be, and how much I would love the day to day challenges of mothering. My mother, and many other women too, really scared me regarding boys. I was given the general impression that boys are wild, non-verbal, dirty, and difficult. I suppose I was prepared for this to just be much harder than it really is.

 

My boys have been such a source of pleasure, and I hate to say this, but my mother really always made me think that daughters are a joy to their mothers, but sons are just sort of a problem. She didn't have any sons, though, and no one (besides DH and I) has enjoyed my boys more. She adores them. She's learned some things too, I guess.

 

Good points, and you are so right. I had NO idea, before they arrived, how much my children would challenge me (in a wonderful way) to grow up, think less of myself and more of others, to grow in self-control and be awed at how much love we share.

[Jennifer in MI]

So many of the previous posts apply to me too....

 

About 6 months after having C. I felt like I should call all the families in my practice that I had seen in the preceding 4 yrs and tell them to ignore all the advice I'd given them up to then on any behavioral/feeding/sleep topic. :D I totally changed after having my own...although now my advice is more along the lines of "everyone is different". I do a much better job at trying to help parents figure out what will work for them and their child rather than having one solution for everything.

 

The best example is sleep....

Before kids: I recommended Ferber to everyone and believed it would work.

 

After kids: We scratch C.'s back or snuggle with him so he can fall asleep. I snuggle H. to sleep and go back and sleep with him for much of the night if he wakes up. We've never done the cry it out method...it just didn't work for me. We've had the kids in our bed, or snuggled with them, or rocked them or nursed them in the night depending on what worked for them and us at the time.

 

Ok...C. wants to insert a smiley as he's watching me type so I'm letting him pick one...:auto:

 

Oh Alice! I'm so happy to read this!! Good for you! My doctor says the same thing. He asks me all the questions from those sheets for the particular month/year of my child, and we always have a good laugh. The last time I was in, he asked where my 2 yo slept. I told him that she sleeps with us. He laughed and said," You know I'm supposed to tell you not to do that - right?" And, then we talked about how to make it safe to do that. I love my doc!!!

 

Growing up, my mom always told me that I was a VERY easy baby. They thought they were good parents. Then, God gave them my brother, Matthew. He was really hard on them - he was climbing on the roof at 18 months, he only needed 6 hours of sleep/night and stopped napping before a year, etc, etc, etc. He's still a challenge at 35!! He was diagnosed ADHD before everyone was!

 

So, I always had that image in my mind. I really feel like I didn't have too many expectations about parenthood. But, I certainly wasn't going to allow guns/weapons in my house!!! LOL You should see the arsenal we have now!! (Real and fake!) In fact, my boys are running around the house with Nerf guns right now pretending one of them is top of America's Most Wanted List.

[jmgconner]

BEFORE: I could never understand parents who would take their children out into public with uncombed hair and filthy clothes.

 

AFTER: Now I know that the kids had clean clothes and combed hair when they left the house. :001_huh:

[laylamcb]

I used to believe that if you just exposed a child to a wide variety of foods from the get-go, the child would never be a picky eater.

 

Enter the child of inveterate foodies, who eats nothing that is not beige. ::sigh::

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5: Yes, yes! Oh, how I looked down my nose at the parents of picky eaters--before I spawned one myself.... :001_huh:

[mommylawyer]

Before kids: I never understood why someone would let their child go out in public wearing a costume.

 

After kids: It's easier to let my son dress up like Batman to go to Wal-Mart for a few minutes than to fight that battle.

 

 

 

Before kids: I used to give people the "evil eye" when their kids started acting out in church and wondering, "Can't they take that kid out?"

 

After kids: (Actually, just this morning) I smile at the people shooting daggers at me for my toddler giggling during Mass and think to myself, "This is the future of the Church." Besides, what do I do with my other kids (who will inevitably start cutting up) once I walk out with the toddler?

 

 

 

Before kids: I'll never let my kids have stained clothes.

 

After kids: Teaching my children not to wipe noses, food-covered fingers, marker-tinted arms on their shirts has been my biggest downfall.

[tlcmom]

forget (sometimes on purpose) the way their own children acted? I will sometimes look at children being totally obnoxious and think to myself - Wow, I am glad my kids didn't act that way when they were little. But knowing deep inside that they did. :001_smile:

 

I think it is kind of like child birth. Once you are holding your newborn you forgot the pain it took to get them here. I think once your children are adults or almost adults you forget the "pain" it took to get them there!

 

Does anyone else feel that way?

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

I used to believe that if you just exposed a child to a wide variety of foods from the get-go, the child would never be a picky eater.

 

Enter the child of inveterate foodies, who eats nothing that is not beige. ::sigh::

[Happy]

A favorite Laura Bush quote.....

 

When we were young we had a couple of theories about parenting...now we have a couple of kids and no theories.

[TammyinTN]

So true Happy...so true!:iagree:

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

Before kids- I thought being a SAHM meant your kids would turn out better.

[Angel]

I believed all those things that I thought about parenting...even for the first 6 years of parenting dd#1. Then Dd #2 hit the scene. :eek:

 

Before Dd#2 I thought kids would cry themselves to sleep within 10/15 minutes. After: I realized some kids just get MAD if left to cry it out...even one's under a year old.

 

Before Dd#2 I thought only undisciplined kids cut their hair. After: I realized that it can happen on anyone's watch (apparently mine and dh's cause it happened twice in 2 weeks).

 

Before Dd#2 I thought kids couldn't possibly get naked with a parent standing right next to them in the store, the parent MUST be not watching their child. After: Realized dd could probably break baby records for getting naked within 3 seconds:blink:

 

Before Dd#2 I said NO KIDS in our bed. After: I don't care where you sleep, just let ME sleep (and unfortunatley, I'm ashamed to admit that I still say this to her and she's almost 8)

 

Before Dd#2 I wanted the kids to be presentable in public. After: It just wasn't a battle I was willing to fight (Yes, wear your ballerina, just come on).

 

The list goes on :lol: I have to admit, though, that I will probably be eating humble pie soon. Dd#1 is now a teenager and THAT list of what I will and won't do is probably huge compared to just regular childhood. We'll have to see how that goes!

[Mekanamom]

Yes. Pre-kids (and when I was more of a staunch believer in organized feminism), I believed that gender related behavior was complete and total social scripting.

 

 

Yep- that's mine. It also ties in to the nature/nurture thing... I was prepared for my kids to be individuals right off the bat and not just the products of my parenting, but I was NOT prepared for them to fall so neatly into such traditional gender roles.

 

I've got three girls, (4 when my step-dd is with us) and though they all have their tomboy sides, they are definitely girls.

 

I still probably wouldn't have changed my mind on this except that my best friends all have boys. The difference is amazing! LOL.

 

I'm glad I figured it out before now... my very first nephew is on the way, and we will be babysitting him 2-4 days every week starting in January. I am so glad I'm not expecting him to act just like my girls did when they were little.

 

Poor little guy. When he is with us, he'll have an Aunt and three Jr. Aunts hovering over him all the time. We're going to have to be sure to give him some space to be a boy.

 

DH, of all people, still has trouble with this. When we're out with our friends who have boys, DH thinks that they are just misbehaving. But they're really not! Boys just seem to relate to each other in a different way than girls do. It might look like they're trying to kill each other, but really that's just how they all just seem to naturally be. LOL!

[Guest 4boys]

Before having kids, I thought I would never let my kids go anywhere with dirty faces.

 

Wow, have I let that one slide! I really have to make an effort to remember to check their faces before we go anywhere!

 

Before having kids, I thought all kids were annoying and disobedient and that boys in particular were supposed to be dirty, loud and destructive. Now I have four boys and what a pleasant surprise what consistent training and teaching can do to produce wonderful kids! Not perfect of course, but way better than what DH and I ever thought was possible!

[Danestress]

I do find myself feeling quite irritated by children who whine relentlessly in places where one expects to concentrate, and mothers who try to talk (and talk and talk) them out of it. I want to yell, "I'm trying to THINK here, stop talking and take that kid out of here."

 

But I am sure that, even though I don't really remember it, I have been in that lady's position, and had some middle-aged crab thinking the crabby thoughts at me.

 

In some ways, I am really patient with young children. I love teaching them in Sunday School. But occasionally I find myself thinking, "crabby old lady" thoughts that I am only able to think now that I have some distance from my own days as a really young mother.

[dragons in the flower bed]

BEFORE KIDS: I used to think that kids were mailable like play dough and that they basically grew up to be what their parents raised them to be. I thought that kids had their own characteristics but the bulk of their behavior was a direct result of how they were raised.

 

I used to think this, too, right up until my second child was born.

 

I also used to think it was possible to do the right thing by your kids all of the time. I somehow imagined parenting without all of those moments of fallibility. I realize now that my parents were able to be "on," so to speak, whenever they were with me because, between my school and their work, they were only with me for four hours a day.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I've learned that Nature is stronger than anything, never say never, and not to be judgemental because I could be next.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I got two concepts wrong.

 

1. I thought I was going to get to raise myself and my siblings. In other words my children would be just like my mother's children, only it would go better because I'd do better. Nice, huh? I didn't know how much DH's side of the family was going to figure into the genetic makeup of our kids. They are nothing like my family. And I'm more like my mother than I thought I'd be.

 

2. Most of my early parenting theories came from literature. I was going to be like Caroline Ingalls, or Marmee March. Then I had four boys. Ma and Marmee each had four girls! Practically none of it translated! I never have been able to get these boys to sit still and embroider their samplers quietly.

 

Now my parenting theories have very little to do with the children. They are for myself. The goal each day is to behave like the person that "I" want to be toward my family members. For me, parenting works better when I focus on my own weaknesses and sins before I try to help them with theirs.

[lovemyboys]

A favorite Laura Bush quote.....

 

When we were young we had a couple of theories about parenting...now we have a couple of kids and no theories.

 

We had lots of theories too about nephews and nieces, friends' kids etc. though we kept them to ourselves.

 

Alot of these other posts apply, the biggest one for me that I haven't seen listed yet is that I thought you get it figured out with the first one and sail along and the dc just listen and behave.

 

Should've paid better attention to those Bill Cosby monologues -- that 2nd child and so on create logorithmic changes in the family. They're determined to be as unlike and purposely different as they possibly can be, genetically and otherwise.

 

So, I figure something out, 1st ds outgrows it, for 2nd ds, it doesn't even apply -- and on and on.

 

But it's almost hard to remember what life was like before them.

[lovemyboys]

I now tell expectant parents: You're the best parent now that you'll ever be! (Meaning all that idealism that you have is going to be blasted by reality)

 

I used to think that there was such a thing as a parenting success--someone who never made signficant mistakes and I was going to be that.

I now think that parenting is an undertaking doomed to a certain amount of failure.

 

I used to think that I would never do something to hurt my kids. (I'm not talking abuse here, but things you say or do that hit their hearts in a way you would never have intended, that you wish you could take back.)

I now pray that God will take their hurts and make them stronger.

 

I used to think that I wanted a girl. After 4 boys, I think I wouldn't know what to DO with a girl!

 

I used to think (back when I worked with outrageous kids in children's mental health) that kids could not make me lose my cool! (Don't laugh at me! I was a professional!) Then our first foster son said FU (I'd heard it a million times before, but not from a child I considered my own) and I understood the difference it makes when it's your own kid!

 

I used to think (back in those pre-child, professional days) that parents with special needs kids needed to be taught better parenting skills as the first priority. I subsequently thought (after fostering exactly one of those kinds of kids) that the top priority was respite care so the parents could actually have the wherewithal to use their parenting skills!

 

A friend teaches archery. He has a saying, "My job as a dad is to shoot my kids farther than I got shot." I like that way of looking at it! Progress, not perfection!

 

I used to think that parenting would be this wonderful adventure of love and joy. I still think that!

 

Thanks for taking the time to share all these thoughts...many of them really resonated with me too. What a blessing you are to your boys, a realistic blessing.