I cannot do this and I'm not even sure anyone here will understand

[Danestress]

All she said was that her husband decided.

 

She didn't say that he didn't have his reasons or didn't care what she thought or didn't consult her and listen to her objections. Just that he decided.

 

I guess in the end, someone has to decide.

 

I'm so sorry, Jodi. I would be miserable in your situation. How do your kids feel about this?

 

I don't know of any board for people who have sent kids to school after homeschooling, but there are a lot of mothers here who have, some have brought their children home again, others not. I will say that there is something very powerful about a praying mother, so most of my "how to deal with the schools" advice would include a lot of prayer. My oldest graduated from public schools, and I could report some good experiences that might encourage you, but of course there were challenges too.

 

I'm really sad for you, and hope that you are recovering well from surgery and that your children will be very happy in school, even if you aren't thrilled about it. Or that they will be unhappy and your husband will change his mind:)

 

Please keep us updated on how you are and how your children are adjusting.

[Plucky]

Well, it works for us. We submit to each other. It's nice. :)

[I talk to the trees]

What do you mean, "my husband has decided"? How did that decision come about ~ and why is the superintendent of public schools granted a say in the matter? Marriage is teamwork, not a one man show, and to that end, he has no right (imo, and I am Christian, fwiw) to make a unilateral decision with no regard to your opinion. Of course, I'm not privy to the back story here and I have no idea what's best for your family or your children's education. I can only hope that you're able to engage in a rational discussion and come to a decision that is more comfortable for both of you. (((Jodi)))

:iagree:

Yep! I'm also wondering why a pal's opinion takes precedent over that of a spouse and the mother of the children! If you haven't told dh how frustrated you are with this decree, you need to start talking now! Even if it's difficult, spell out your reasons for being angry to him. Honesty and an argument now are much healthier and easier to deal with than long term resentment and bitterness.

I hope this all works out for the best!:grouphug:

 

-Robin

[Plucky]

I'd agree with you but it doesn't sound like Jodi agrees with the decision. I don't think anyone here was being mean spirited.

[Kathy in MD]

I'm stunned! Not that your dc are going to public school, but that your dh would make a decision like this.

 

My first instinct, after letting him know my displeasure!!!!!, would be to make an appointment for marriage counseling -- for both of you.

 

But I also like the natural consequences many posters mentioned. You might also add to his list of things to do is to leave work to pick up sick kids, parent-teacher conferences, homework, prepare school lunches, etc.

 

Unfortunately you'll have to put a good face on somethings for the children's sake.

 

BTW, my dh and I will be considering enrolling ds in high school next year, so you can assure your dh that my opinion is not because I'm anti-school. But my dh and I will be doing it TOGETHER, with imput from our ds.

[Amy in Orlando]

Wow. I can't imagine anyone living in Florida choosing the publis school system when they can and have been homeschooling for so long. Have you pulled up the statistics for your county and shown them to your dh? http://www.psk12.com/rating/USindexphp/STATE_FL.html You can bet this friend knows these statistics and no doubt he wants your kids in his school. Even if a school is ranked highly in the state of Florida, consider that Florida is always ranked near the bottom when compared to other states. We personally know two families whose sons were good students at top-rated high schools. Both finished their freshman year this spring. Both spent their entire freshman year in remedial classes because they were not prepared to do college-level work.

[Guest]

:grouphug:I am so sorry to hear this; I will praying for you and dh to be able to talk this through and that God's will would be sovereign in your family.:grouphug:

[FO4UR]

:grouphug: Praying for a happy resolution to this for you!

 

Maybe keep a written log. Document every incident that gives you cause for concern and compare what the kids are learning at school to what you *would* be teaching at home. Document the dc's relationships to each other, note changes in behavior and attitude.

 

Dh may need to SEE the results of ps vs hs. Do not shelter him from seeing the effects on the kids or you. When they come home repeating trash - send them to Daddy. When they come home with 100 pages of busy work...erm...homework - send them to Daddy. You get the picture - It sounds like he hasn't really looked at this at all through the perspective of you and your dc.

 

I believe in Biblical submission, but a dh is WISE to make decisions with his wife - esp in the area of child-raising! To take the word of a friend over his wife is foolish imho, but you probably already know that:confused: This is NOT the same as saying "God told me to......" "John Doe told me to......." has a very different ring:glare:

[Danestress]

I'd agree with you but it doesn't sound like Jodi agrees with the decision. I don't think anyone here was being mean spirited.

 

No no, I don't think anyone was mean spirited. Not at all. But whether Jodi agrees or not, when a couple talks and can't agree, someone has to just decide, and in some homes, especially religiously conservative ones, that's ultimately the man.

 

I'm not sure what else you can do when two people just can not agree. You can get counseling. Read books together. Talk to your priest. But when you still don't agree .....

 

And actually, that's never happened in my home, because ultimately we either agree or one person decides that the other just cares more or that it's the other person's "turf." I think my husband woud probably think this was my "turf" unless he felt very very strongly and for a period of time.

 

Anyway, I'm not trying to start anything. Promise:)

[Scarlett]

I have a difficult time finding any words except ones that just seem like they will make you feel worse.

 

You haven't answered anyone's questions, so I guess you are not around...but I too would like to know WHY after 12 years he thinks ps is the answer. What has changed? And also does he really understand your sadness? REALLY understand it, in the way you have expressed it to us?

 

If there is just no changing his mind, I would encourage you to realize that your children will be ok in school. It is not ideal---of course most of us here believe that---it IS a homeschool board....but they will be fine. Most of US went to ps and look how great we are! ;)

 

And to those of you who are so shocked that her husband has made this decision....how DO you handle things when you both feel strongly but oppositely (is that a word?) about an important decision?

[Pink Fairy]

And actually, that's never happened in my home, because ultimately we either agree or one person decides that the other just cares more or that it's the other person's "turf." I think my husband woud probably think this was my "turf" unless he felt very very strongly and for a period of time.

 

 

 

I like the way you put this. It feels like it's her turf, and for whatever reason her husband isn't respecting that (feels like, not necessarily is--I don't know the whole situation, of course).

[Colleen]

All she said was that her husband decided...I guess in the end, someone has to decide.

 

Yes, we all realize that, Dana. When two people disagree, and if a compromise can't be reached, a decision ultimately has to be made. As I said in my post, we don't have the back-story. We're reacting to the words Jodi shared with us. There's a big difference between someone saying, "My husband and I talked about this and ultimately, we went with his preference to put the kids in school" versus "My husband made this decision, through his friendship with someone else. I'm left grieving, angry, sad, and bitter and am worried about the effect this will have on my marriage".

[Scarlett]

I like the way you put this. It feels like it's her turf, and for whatever reason her husband isn't respecting that (feels like, not necessarily is--I don't know the whole situation, of course).

 

Yes, I agree with this...it seems her dh is showing an extreme disregard for her feelings on the matter...and I just if this is his pattern or...:confused:

[Pink Fairy]

And to those of you who are so shocked that her husband has made this decision....how DO you handle things when you both feel strongly but oppositely (is that a word?) about an important decision?

 

Interesting question. For us, I don't know yet because it hasn't happened in the 19 years we've been married. We just tend to see the important things the same way. Maybe that's why it IS so shocking that one spouse would make such a life changing decision against the other's wishes.

[PrairieAir]

Jodi,

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I do understand how you feel. My youngest (and last to be homeschooled) just went off to her first day of public school yesterday. It's so hard to let them go knowing they'll be away from you for most of the day, even when the decision is mutual.

 

If this is something that is upsetting you, you do need to discuss it with your dh. Don't approach it from an angry, how could you do this to me and our children stance. Just open your heart up to him and let him know how you feel. If you wish the two of you had been able to discuss it and come to a decision together, tell him so. If you are just incredibly sad at not having your children with you or uncomfortable with the choice of schools, tell him so. Talk openly and honestly with a goal of understanding and healing between the two of you. Let go of any anger, bitterness, pride, or resentment. Your health of your marriage and how mommy and daddy relate to each other is far more important to your children than where they go to school. A solid, stable, and sure foundation at home can give them the tools to deal with an outside world that is not always so friendly and bright.

 

Your children will be fine no matter where they go to school as long as you are there to love them and care for them when they come home. You don't have to stop being involved in their schooling. Help them with their homework, volunteer in their classrooms, be a chaperone for field trips. If you and your husband decide to bring them home later, that's wonderful, but public school will not be the end of your family's happiness unless you allow it to be.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

:grouphug::grouphug:I'll be praying for you.

[Danestress]

I'm not saying there was something terribly wrong with the other posts. I just think some people explain things in detail while others cut to the chase. I could see saying, "My husband decided" when he had actually consulted me, and then getting pretty upset when people criticize him. I'm really not Ms. Submissive, as you have probably guessed already.

 

And also, homeschooling happens over a period of years, so sometimes the discussion has been in bits and pieces. I can see a guy saying, "What's to talk about? I've seen you school okay for 15 years, but I think it's time for them to go to school and I already know all the reasons you don't want to send them, but I still do."

 

Which I am not saying is ideal, and certainly isn't how the discussion would happen in this house. But I do think that while a decision made insensitively can lead to bitterness and anger, it's that bitterness and anger itself (along with the insensitivity) that has the most power, long term, to damage a marriage - not the actual decision as to how the kids are educated.

[Jodi-FL]

and I dont' feel better. The whole "maybe we'll send the kids to school" discussion started a few years ago when dh felt compelled to look for a job back in PA to be near his aging parents (to which I wholeheartedly agreed--to the move, not the school--I am a northern girl and my family is up there too). Well, here we are almost 2 years and 6 interviews later with no job offer. FIVE of them are still hanging in the balance. I guess they're waiting out the economy to see if they can really afford to hire him and move us 1100 miles. and I don't mind staying here. I had a great homeschool circle of friends.

 

This spring one of the jobs was really promising, and dh asked if I would be open to sending them to ps *if* we moved so they could meet new/be with old friends and give me time to take his parents to doctor appts/therapy, etc. Which I agreed to think about. Then he has lunch with the super a few times, and decides in JUNE since we're still waiting on a job, that we'll put them in here since it would be "easier" (in his terms) to switch to the PA public school system if we had an official transcript from another ps (which is true for the 3 high schoolers, but it doesn't mean we'd have to send them to school). I was blind sided. He called schools and set up appointments without even telling me (actually, the super called the schools and made appts). It's so unlike him. He's under a tremendous amount of stress at work, but he's really changed the past year. I've tried talking to him, but his mind is made up. I thought I'd be okay with it until today. and I will be okay. I guess it will just take time.

 

and yes, I had a total hysterectomy in July, but all the tumors/cysts/findings are benign and I will make a full recovery. and I still have a 3yo at home that I will pre-school the Montessori way like I did the other 6. But he's going to be beside himself without his brothers and sisters.

 

i hope i didn't forget to answer any questions.

[Annie N]

For what it's worth, what I have seen is that ultimately it all depends on the relationship between the children and the parents. I've seen hsing families where the relationship was not so great, and ps families where the realtionship was very close, and the latter had happier outcomes than the former. So, hang in there and stay close to your children.

 

And you know, I'm going to be a little contrarian here. Just let you husband know about all the hard parts about the school issue, put at least part of the burden on him with the work, or let him "suffer" a bit, but all with an extremely nice attitude, cheerfully long-suffering. Keep your relationship with him good, too, and then if he comes to the decision that he has made a mistake, it will be much easier for him to come to you and tell you that he has made a mistake.

[Mrs Mungo]

It's so unlike him. He's under a tremendous amount of stress at work, but he's really changed the past year. I've tried talking to him, but his mind is made up. I thought I'd be okay with it until today. and I will be okay. I guess it will just take time.

 

 

 

This part of your post is worrisome to me. I would let him know that I would fight him tooth and nail on this issue unless he agreed to marriage counseling with a religious counselor. Maybe it's the baggage I carry from seeing so many failed marriages but I see this as a BIG red flag.

[Cheryl in NM]

Jodi!:grouphug:

 

You need to have a serious talk with your husband. You said this was uncharacteristic of him to behave this way. Find out what's going on with him. Sneakiness is not allowed in our marriage, but it sometimes happens as a result of extreme stress. Talk to your dh and let him know how you can make it work with your kids at home. If he can decide to school them; you can decide to homeschool them. Seriously, I wouldn't do that, but I'd ask him how he'd feel if the tables were turned. You dh messed up, but it sounds like he's under alot of stress. You guys need to talk and the poor kids shouldn't have to be caught in the middle. Just make sure that no matter what happens (ps or hs) you are there for your kids in the transition times.

[Parrothead]

 

It's so unlike him. He's under a tremendous amount of stress at work, but he's really changed the past year.

See if you can get him to the doctor. Sometimes sudden changes like this can be due to a medical reason. Not trying to imply your dh has become schizophrenic or anything terrible, but a simple chemical imbalance can throw some one off like that suddenly.

[tibbyl]

Override him.

[Desert Rat]

Yes, I agree with this. In 15 years together, my dh and I haven't ever disagreed about core ideas and ideals. I don't know how a marriage works when people see things so differently. I suppose I would try for a compromise, maybe homeschool to grade 6 or something. I don't know. In our house, my dh has left the decision to me for the most part because he realizes that it's my role as teacher.

I have a very traditional home and a relatively traditional marriage. So, on the outside, it seems that I'm a yes, dear kind of wife. But I can tell you that's not the way it is. We discuss everything and never move ahead until both sides are heard and a compromise has been made.

I wish for you peace and calm in your future with your husband and children. I wish there was more I could say.

This is truly sad.

[kalanamak]

I am so sorry. I fear that I have no advice. I am not proud to admit that such a situation would cause untold harm to my marriage.

 

Well, I'm proud to admit it would.

 

My only advice is to see if a compromise keeping the under 7's home for school would be possible.

 

Send them off with home-packed lunches and make lovely dinner times with conversation and wisdom as your salt and pepper. You are still vital to them.

:grouphug:

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

 

I hope that your family can find a solution that will work for you all.

[Colleen]

Jodi, I think there are some serious underlying issues here that need to be addressed, though I realize this board is not necessarily the place to get into the details. Before I say anything else, though, I want to respond to this one remark you made:

 

I had a great homeschool circle of friends.

 

You still have those friends. They aren't past tense, even if your children do attend school. Yes, it changes the nature of the relationships, but genuine friendships can withstand change.

 

Moving on to the rest of your post. I have to wonder if your husband has long preferred the children to be in school and his recent conversations with the superintendent fed that interest. Regardless, based on what you've shared (and of course I'm not privy to his side of the story), his actions show a severe lack of respect toward you. It's more than a matter of whether or not the children attend school ~ though you can bet your you-know-what I wouldn't simply roll over and play dead on that issue. But the deeper concern is the manner in which he's handled this. For the sake of your marriage, it has to be addressed.

[starlashine]

I'm so sorry. I don't get it though. Your DH gets to make unilateral decisions about your kids' education without your support? I don't get that part. My DH can sleep in the car if he wants to try something like that here.

 

Jen

 

:iagree::iagree: and :grouphug: for you. I am the end all be all of decisions for my son, which is hard sometimes, but it is better than having someone force this on you because he made friends with the superintendent of schools. So horrible, and I hope he sees the error of this decision quickly.

[sdWTMer]

My red flags are flying on this one...hmmm.

[Carol in Cal.]

Lots of them.

 

Health red flags, laying the groundwork for divorce red flags, disrespect on many levels red flags, decision he'll regret later but would rather die than admit this red flags.

 

I'm putting up a white flag. I surrender. I don't know what to suggest. If someone treated me this way, I would not deal with it well. At all. And if they treated my children this way, my nails would grow into claws in about 10seconds and Mama Bear would be in. the. house. I'm not suggesting that response to you, though. I don't really have any productive suggestions, which is pretty rare.

 

(((__)))

[sdWTMer]

I have to agree here as well.

[Plucky]

Lots of them.

 

Health red flags, laying the groundwork for divorce red flags, disrespect on many levels red flags, decision he'll regret later but would rather die than admit this red flags.

 

I'm putting up a white flag. I surrender. I don't know what to suggest. If someone treated me this way, I would not deal with it well. At all. And if they treated my children this way, my nails would grow into claws in about 10seconds and Mama Bear would be in. the. house. I'm not suggesting that response to you, though. I don't really have any productive suggestions, which is pretty rare.

 

(((__)))

 

Yes, that's what I was thinking after I read Jodi's second post. Dangerous red flags.

[LaMere Academy]

and I dont' feel better. The whole "maybe we'll send the kids to school" discussion started a few years ago when dh felt compelled to look for a job back in PA to be near his aging parents (to which I wholeheartedly agreed--to the move, not the school--I am a northern girl and my family is up there too). Well, here we are almost 2 years and 6 interviews later with no job offer. FIVE of them are still hanging in the balance. I guess they're waiting out the economy to see if they can really afford to hire him and move us 1100 miles. and I don't mind staying here. I had a great homeschool circle of friends.

 

This spring one of the jobs was really promising, and dh asked if I would be open to sending them to ps *if* we moved so they could meet new/be with old friends and give me time to take his parents to doctor appts/therapy, etc. Which I agreed to think about. Then he has lunch with the super a few times, and decides in JUNE since we're still waiting on a job, that we'll put them in here since it would be "easier" (in his terms) to switch to the PA public school system if we had an official transcript from another ps (which is true for the 3 high schoolers, but it doesn't mean we'd have to send them to school). I was blind sided. He called schools and set up appointments without even telling me (actually, the super called the schools and made appts). It's so unlike him. He's under a tremendous amount of stress at work, but he's really changed the past year. I've tried talking to him, but his mind is made up. I thought I'd be okay with it until today. and I will be okay. I guess it will just take time.

 

and yes, I had a total hysterectomy in July, but all the tumors/cysts/findings are benign and I will make a full recovery. and I still have a 3yo at home that I will pre-school the Montessori way like I did the other 6. But he's going to be beside himself without his brothers and sisters.

 

i hope i didn't forget to answer any questions.

Jodi I think you really need to talk to you dh right away and figure out what's going on. I don't like the way it sounds like he's doing these things on his own, without telling you about it. It just seems like this is almost a conspiracy between him and this superintendent friend of his and it seems odd. I'll be praying for you all.

I also agree with the moms who mentioned ps in FL, we're in FL and I agree the school system here is horrible.

[Jill- OK]

....how DO you handle things when you both feel strongly but oppositely (is that a word?) about an important decision?

 

...dh gets the final say.

 

Some of this is religiously motivated; I do believe that he should have the last word, for the reason that in my faith, he'll be the one answerable.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm an adult, the children are my responsibility, too...but our belief is that he's the head of the home, and that means when it gets down to the line, and there's no agreement...he has the final say.

 

But I'm very persuasive. :D I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says that I can't put forth my best arguments for something I strongly believe, and I don't think I would be a good 'helper' if I didn't encourage my husband to do the right thing. (Whatever I believe the right thing to be in any given situation, LOL!)

 

Just one woman's opinion. I know there are those who will faint away with incredulous disbelief that I hold to such an antiquated notion, but...there it is.

 

(I'm obviously not talking about things that are illegal, i.e., abuse, etc. My faith beliefs also include submission to governing authorities, and such institutions generally have good, protective laws in place, for instances of true abuse, etc. I also think that certain Biblical principles provide ways of handling less grievous offenses, since my husband is my brother in Christ, as well.)

 

If we're talking specifically about a situation like Jodi's...I can't say for sure what I'd do. I know that if my conscience was telling me otherwise, I'd make it absolutely clear that I felt it was wrong, and I'd be sure that he knew all my reasons. I'd more than likely pitch what we in these parts call, "a wall-eyed fit", and then...I'd probably have to go along with what he decided, and try to make the best of it.

 

The alternative would be me, the other spouse, getting sole say in where the kids go to school.

 

Is that any different/better?

[FO4UR]

and I dont' feel better. The whole "maybe we'll send the kids to school" discussion started a few years ago when dh felt compelled to look for a job back in PA to be near his aging parents (to which I wholeheartedly agreed--to the move, not the school--I am a northern girl and my family is up there too). Well, here we are almost 2 years and 6 interviews later with no job offer. FIVE of them are still hanging in the balance. I guess they're waiting out the economy to see if they can really afford to hire him and move us 1100 miles. and I don't mind staying here. I had a great homeschool circle of friends.

 

This spring one of the jobs was really promising, and dh asked if I would be open to sending them to ps *if* we moved so they could meet new/be with old friends and give me time to take his parents to doctor appts/therapy, etc. Which I agreed to think about. Then he has lunch with the super a few times, and decides in JUNE since we're still waiting on a job, that we'll put them in here since it would be "easier" (in his terms) to switch to the PA public school system if we had an official transcript from another ps (which is true for the 3 high schoolers, but it doesn't mean we'd have to send them to school). I was blind sided. He called schools and set up appointments without even telling me (actually, the super called the schools and made appts). It's so unlike him. He's under a tremendous amount of stress at work, but he's really changed the past year. I've tried talking to him, but his mind is made up. I thought I'd be okay with it until today. and I will be okay. I guess it will just take time.

 

and yes, I had a total hysterectomy in July, but all the tumors/cysts/findings are benign and I will make a full recovery. and I still have a 3yo at home that I will pre-school the Montessori way like I did the other 6. But he's going to be beside himself without his brothers and sisters.

 

i hope i didn't forget to answer any questions.

 

Perhaps just the HSers could go then???

 

PTL!!! that you are making a full recovery!!!

[Mrs Mungo]

The alternative would be me, the other spouse, getting sole say in where the kids go to school.

 

Is that any different/better?

 

I think maybe you misreading the intent of people's posts but then maybe you haven't read all of the posts yet?

 

I think the thing people are *really* concerned with is that he hasn't been acting like himself for a year and his actions took place completely behind her back.

 

That isn't being a responsible head of the household.

 

In fact? If my husband suddenly did this? I would think he was setting himself up for divorce because he'd pay more support if I was homeschooling. And yes, I've seen this play out in other people's marriages. The wife was *completely* ambushed and surprised, she never saw it coming.

[sdWTMer]

...dh gets the final say.

 

Same here.

 

Just one woman's opinion.

 

I agree with you, you're not alone.

[Jill- OK]

...encouraging Jodi to dig deeper, if he's been on board w/ homeschooling all these years, and this is a sudden change.

 

Not that there has to be anything horrible or wicked going on, but I'd have to believe that there's a bigger reason than preparing them for a possible move, if this is sudden. Keeping the dialogue going, and making sure there aren't some concerns that could be addressed otherwise seems like a good idea (given just the info shared here; I know there might be more we don't know).

 

Does he have other male friends, besides this school dude? I don't know about your husband, but it seems like most men have an extremely small circle. You said that *you* had great homeschooling friends...does he? Not that that in itself would be a cure-all, but...well, just wondering. I don't mean to suggest anything untoward about your husband.

 

((Jodi))...I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Please keep coming to *this* forum, no matter what the outcome.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:Hugs and prayers headed your way.:grouphug:

[Jill- OK]

I think maybe you misreading the intent of people's posts but then maybe you haven't read all of the posts yet?

 

...answering Scarlett's question, that's all. Not speculating a whit about anyone else's posts. (And I think I have read them all.)

 

It was more of a rhetorical question, sort of along the lines of what someone else said..."Someone's got to decide".

 

ETA: Did you see me add my voice to those encouraging her to 'dig deeper'? Honestly, the divorce thing crossed my mind, too...but so did the thought that maybe he doesn't feel right about homeschooling for other reasons, and the friendship with this guy has brought those into sharper focus. I mean...we're reading one or two posts about someone's spouse, you know?

[Colleen]

...The alternative would be me, the other spouse, getting sole say in where the kids go to school. Is that any different/better?

 

Yes, it could be different, and better, if you're the person who's more informed. If one person is familiar with the choices, has explored those options, has genuinely invested time and energy into exploring the issue, while the other person merely has an opinion based on, well, opinion....In that case, yes, I think if it comes down to one parent having "sole" say, it's better that it be the more informed parent. Which isn't to say gut feelings and instinct aren't worth consideration, too!:)

[sdWTMer]

In fact? If my husband suddenly did this? I would think he was setting himself up for divorce because he'd pay more support if I was homeschooling. And yes, I've seen this play out in other people's marriages. The wife was *completely* ambushed and surprised, she never saw it coming.

 

This is where I would have to agree with Mrs. Mungo.

[laylamcb]

Well, but...hang on, just for a minute. I mean, before Jodi gets TOTALLY freaked out. I agree with everyone that there are red flags and that she should definitely dig deeper. The fact that he has "changed"--huge red flag! Talk to him; seek counseling; I'm with ya!

 

But...she DID say that he asked previously would she be willing to put the kids in public school if they moved back to PA so that she could care for his parents, and she *did say* that she would be willing to consider that. I'm not saying that that was a reasonable or an unreasonable request on his part; I'm not saying that he fully appreciates how much homeschooling means to her--clearly he doesn't. But still--she told him, in effect, I'm open to the idea. So perhaps in his mind, homeschooling ISN'T something she's willing to fall on her sword for.

 

Okay. So maybe his thought process is just what she laid out: We are planning to move to PA eventually, I do want Jodi available to help my parents, it would be easier to move the kids from school to school rather than from home to school, Jodi *said* that she was open to school.... Done!

 

Add to that the stress of an extended, long-distance job search, aging and ailing parents, and a family to care for, and...boom.

 

I'm just sayin'...that might be all that's going on. Just sayin'. But Jodi, I IMPLORE you to dig deeper with him. What's going on? Does he really KNOW how important this is to you?

[Jill- OK]

 

Yes, it could be different, and better, if you're the person who's more informed.

 

I know very few folks who don't believe themselves, in an argument, to be the better informed, more knowledgable person. ;)

 

And if we're still talking about homeschooling...we're really talking about something different than an issue where there are only concrete facts, and no ideals or preferences informing them. (In my opinion, of course).

[OnTheBrink]

Jodi, a gal I knew from another board had a similar situation with her husband. Over the course of about a year, his personality started to change and it got to the point where she was ready to divorce him, he'd changed so much and became secretive and hateful.

 

Turns out, he had a brain tumor which was pressing on the part of his brain that affects personality. They didn't realize the problem until he went into a coma, and subsequently passed away. He had no other symptoms. I'm not suggesting you run off and get your dh a CAT scan, but if he's had some personality changes, a physical might be a good thing. If nothing turns up (and I hope it doesn't!) then I'd ask for some counseling. It's one thing to "lay down the law" if that's the type of man your dh is, but it's another to have this come out of the blue and be so different from his regular way of doing things.

 

Only you can decide what's best in your marriage. I hope things in your family can be resolved in a way that's satisfactory for you all.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[sdWTMer]

Turns out, he had a brain tumor which was pressing on the part of his brain that affects personality.

 

This is something that came to my mind, I just didn't want to be too alarmist!

[Chris in CA]

:grouphug: So sorry

[newlifemom]

Jodi :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you. I will pray and ask my dh to join me in prayer. I do not know the circumstances around what appears from your OP to be his decision. These things really do need both parents in the process. :confused:

 

I just pray that God will guide you in His will. ( I am saying that b/c you said cc was ok) Last year a friend of mine was in a similar boat. Her dh decided she had to go back to work and stop hsing. She did not want to and dh and I prayed God would be in control. Well she is still hsing. Not that I have a magic wand but more that if we really submit to His will He will make it known and make a way for it. KWIM? So that is what we will pray for and know that His grace is sufficient.

[WTMCassandra]

Jodi, I wonder if your DH may be reacting to his own stress and lack of control in his life (unemployment is HUGE for men) and finding an area he CAN control. He may be acting out of depression. I would join the chorus of those that he needs a physical checkup, because you said he has changed a lot over the past year.

 

I can barely, just sort of barely understand why he might enroll the three high-schoolers based on the information you gave, but his logic does NOT hold up at all, IMHO, with the younger children. I think it is likely that the highest welfare being considered is not the children at all but somehow his own (whether merely unfortunate or sinister).

 

And the doing it behind your back is simply unacceptable and disrespectful, IMHO, and needs to be addressed, as many others have pointed out. And I'm one of the most conservative Christians that I am aware of on this board.

 

I would strongly, strongly urge you to seek marriage help and perhaps family counseling from your faith community. Yesterday. You are not crazy, and I don't want you to feel alone, but you need help IRL, not on the internet.

 

I will pray fervently for your family.

[Kathy in MD]

And to those of you who are so shocked that her husband has made this decision....how DO you handle things when you both feel strongly but oppositely (is that a word?) about an important decision?

 

Generally the one who cares the most or has the bigger stake makes the decision. Usually disagreements are handled at this level.

 

For bigger issues, we discuss *why* we are for one choice or the other. We usually find something that satisfies each of our major concerns, which may not have been considered originally. In a situation like this, we'd be looking at why one wanted public school and would be looking at ways to satisfy both both of our concerns. When you break things into concerns and desires, there are usually more than 2 options.

 

However, we are still struggling with where to retire to.............. :)