Is being a SAHM hard work?

[Guest]

Quill, I can't quote such a long post on my phone. I guess I don't get what you seem to need to understand. Your experience as a Sahm you consider easy/not hard. I consider my experience as a sahm as hard. I don't need advice on how to improve it or commiseration that its so hard or anything, really. Maybe an acceptance of my reality as I see it. It isn't a complaint, its just a statement of fact. I think being a sahm is hard. By I love it and wouldn't change a thing. Besides, hard work is good for the soul IMO.

 

And I don't post here a lot, but when I do, it is usually when I'm out and about, waiting for my children or going other work on the computer and waiting for something else. Right now I'm stuck in the traffic in a snowstorm trying to get home from church.

 

I don't even know why I'm indulging in explaining myself. Sometimes I think people just don't want to understand another POV or situation and just want to be right.

 

You said that it was mean-spirited and sneaky to post in the unpopular opinion thread that being a SAHM is not hard. I do not understand why you think that. 

 

P.S. I was stuck in a snowstorm trying to get home from church this morning, too. Shared experience. Weird. 

[Guest]

 

So, my kids usually sleep in their clothes, don't bathe every day, and only change sheets once in several months.  Towels get re-used until the next time I do laundry, at least a week and often longer.  My second-graders are in charge of sweeping the floors, and I don't care if there is visible dust / hair / crumbs unless someone is coming over.  We do not have pets.  My kids' beds are never "made" and they probably don't even know what "make your bed" means.  My kids are allowed to eat in the car and clean up after themselves.  I never take down the Christmas tree, so I never have to put it back up.  There are many nooks and corners in my home that are permanently dusty or cruddy.  But, I do make an effort to enforce habits that create less work.  Like, we don't wear shoes in the house, dishes get cleaned as we go, things get hung back up so we can re-use them.  The kids are not allowed to leave their junk all around the house (and were not, even when they were tots). 

 

And I, who am naturally opposed to clutter, have forced myself to accept it up to a point.  Just like the sound of happily playing children is a good kind of noise, the physical evidence of kids playing is a good kind of clutter.  As long as it gets cleared periodically so we don't forget what the place looks like when it's neat.

 

Yes, me too. Most of these points are true to me as well. It's not that I couldn't think of some work I could be doing around here, rather than sitting here on my computer chillin' (in both senses of the word, actually  :laugh: ), but rather that the urgent stuff is taken care of, other activities that were supposed to happen today aren't because of weather and there's a fair number of things I just don't care about doing. My house is straightened up, but it's not spotless. My kids help clean, but they don't do an amazing job. I've learned to shrug about a lot of things that used to stress me out, because it's just not worth having my blood pressure rise over it. As it is, I intended to get groceries today, but I'm not driving in this mess, so we'll just have to nosh on what's here and not fret about a lack of celery.  :p  This is the type of thing that once made me nuts, because things are not going as planned. But, due to age (and Zoloft), I don't get worked up about such things anymore.  :coolgleamA:

[8circles]

You said that it was mean-spirited and sneaky to post in the unpopular opinion thread that being a SAHM is not hard. I do not understand why you think that.

 

P.S. I was stuck in a snowstorm trying to get home from church this morning, too. Shared experience. Weird.

If you are among people who find something difficult and you tell them that it isn't hard, I think that can be rude. In the case here I think it is. Especially when you go on to say that you don't understand why others find it so difficult, call them whining, and continue to offer unsolicited advice on how they could do it better or change their attitude so it wouldn't be hard.

[swellmomma]

 

So, my kids usually sleep in their clothes, don't bathe every day, and only change sheets once in several months.  Towels get re-used until the next time I do laundry, at least a week and often longer.  My second-graders are in charge of sweeping the floors, and I don't care if there is visible dust / hair / crumbs unless someone is coming over.  We do not have pets.  My kids' beds are never "made" and they probably don't even know what "make your bed" means.  My kids are allowed to eat in the car and clean up after themselves.  I never take down the Christmas tree, so I never have to put it back up.  There are many nooks and corners in my home that are permanently dusty or cruddy.  But, I do make an effort to enforce habits that create less work.  Like, we don't wear shoes in the house, dishes get cleaned as we go, things get hung back up so we can re-use them.  The kids are not allowed to leave their junk all around the house (and were not, even when they were tots). 

 

 

See and that would not work for me here, I would be miserable all the time.  The christmas tree is down on boxing day, I could not imagine not taking it down.  The kids sleep in jammies, or nude depending on the kid, unless they have crashed early by mistake they never sleep in clothes. They shower/bathe daily(well except for oldest who fights it), hair washing is every 2-3 night.  Bedwetter's bedding gets done daily, everyone else weekly. I will resweep an entire floor if there is any visible debris on it.  Floors get washed daily on my hands and knees which means baseboards get a wipe down too.  My house is far from spot less, there is always laundry to do, toys get scattered, pets and kids make messes, dirty hand prints can be found on surfaces they shouldn't be on and I don't dust nearly enough. My home may be falling apart and have older furniture etc but I strive for it to be clean.  Though you wouldn't know that after I get home from work on Sunday night and the kids have had free reign of the place all weekend.  Then you would think I have never cleaned it ever.  I have relaxed in many way from my cleaning, when I had my dayhome I swept 3 times a day, shampooed the area rug weekly and washed floors twice a day.  I bleached the toys on a rotating basis weekly etc.  I don't do all that anymore, though I prefered the cleanliness of it, I simply don't have time. That said when I was a SAHM I could keep up the cleaning in the way I wanted without a problem and still have some down time.  I am not OCD about it if I have to leave the dishes over night I do etc, but to get it to the way I am okay with things takes a lot of time and energy which can be challenging and make things harder regardless if I am a SAHM or WOHM etc. 

[SKL]

If you are among people who find something difficult and you tell them that it isn't hard, I think that can be rude. In the case here I think it is.

 

I guess that thread should have been titled "confess your unpopular opinion, but only if most of the people here agree with you."  :huh:

 

Perhaps I should start a thread chiding the people who commented that placing kids in out-of-home care is wrong.  It certainly wasn't a kind thing to say to those of us who have done this (and are glad we did).  But wait - it was in the "unpopular opinion" thread - and people are entitled to their opinions, however unpopular.

 

[SKL]

I do think that my favorite post in that thread was:  "Is this a trap? :sneaky2: "  (Sorry for plagiarizing.)

[Guest]

If you are among people who find something difficult and you tell them that it isn't hard, I think that can be rude. In the case here I think it is. Especially when you go on to say that you don't understand why others find it so difficult, call them whining, and continue to offer unsolicited advice on how they could do it better or change their attitude so it wouldn't be hard.

 

First, it was an UNpopular opinion thread. Is it rude to say beef is gross when millions of people eat it? Not in an UNpopular opinion thread. That is the point of the thread. To go ahead and say your view of something that many folks don't agree with perhaps. 

 

Second, it's interesting to me that I didn't actually say that, I only "liked" other posters who did. I haven't seen anyone blasting Joanne, though she did actually say it. 

 

Third, the only time I used the word "whining" was about "laundry whining." I wasn't referring to a particular person, or even necessarily that thread, just in the general world of motherhood, I hear a lot of complaints about laundry, though I don't see what the big deal is. 

 

In this thread, I have shared my experience of SAHM not being hard, generally speaking, because that is the question that the OP asked. To wit: 

 

 

I have to admit that I'm amazed by how many comments there were in the "unpopular opinion thread" about how being a parent or SAHM is not very difficult. I'm not sure why my experience is different (five kids, my own introversion, having teenagers?) but I find motherhood to be something that has always challenged me in many ways (energy, creativity, stamina, wisdom, etc). What's your opinion/experience?

 

Lastly, any advice I offered was meant to be helpful to swellmomma, after she gave a pretty detailed description of what is making life hard for her. She - and others - can disregard my interest in helping. That is totally fine. Why is it considered wrong intent to want to help someone handle their struggles so perhaps they will not be so hard? 

 

[SKL]

Lastly, any advice I offered was meant to be helpful to swellmomma, after she gave a pretty detailed description of what is making life hard for her. She - and others - can disregard my interest in helping. That is totally fine. Why is it considered wrong intent to want to help someone handle their struggles so perhaps they will not be so hard? 

 

Right.  I've received unsolicited advice from many people here, including swellmomma, some of which was stated a lot less kindly IMO.  It is pretty normal here for people to hear "I am struggling with this" and respond "here is how I handle / would handle it."  Take it or leave it.  Usually it is helpful to know that there are other ways to view / address issues that we have.  That's one of the ways we can become less isolated and thereby get some relief from the difficulties of motherhood.  I know I usually feel better after I post here about something I'm frustrated or worried about.  (Though there are some things I will never post because it's not that safe of an environment for me.)

 

[SKL]

Second, it's interesting to me that I didn't actually say that, I only "liked" other posters who did. I haven't seen anyone blasting Joanne, though she did actually say it. 

 

Glad someone else noticed this.  I found it especially ironic that that person liked a post where swellmomma lambasted me for sticking up for her.  LOL.

[regentrude]

 It is pretty normal here for people to hear "I am struggling with this" and respond "here is how I handle / would handle it."  Take it or leave it.  Usually it is helpful to know that there are other ways to view / address issues that we have.  That's one of the ways we can become less isolated and thereby get some relief from the difficulties of motherhood.  I know I usually feel better after I post here about something I'm frustrated or worried about.  (Though there are some things I will never post because it's not that safe of an environment for me.)

 

 

I agree. I always thought that one reason people confess to having difficulties on these boards is to benefit from the experiences of others. Unless, of course, they add JAWM to their title - then we know that they just need some commiseration and not advice.

 

I personally am grateful to hear how others deal with issues I find difficult. I don't have to take their advice, but I figure that if I admit to the difficulties, they share their experiences because they want to be kind and helpful.

I don't get why this had to turn into such an unpleasant fight.

 

[KRG]

I have a 16 year old and a 3 year old.  I have the world's easiest teenager.  I have the world's busiest 3 year old lol I think our days are comical!  Like everything else we have good and bad days.  Some days are harder than others.  I think it's all what you make of it and how you handle it.  There are days that I jump for joy because it was such a good day.  There are other days that I count down 'til dh gets home and I go hide in the bedroom for awhile.  I chose to stay home and to homeschool.  Given that choice again I would still stay home and homeschool.  My worst days at home have never even come close to my worst days at a job. 

[swellmomma]

Okay let me just say I am not offended by the advice given to me.  Like all advice I take what I can use and ditch the rest.  Learning ways to improve things is a good thing mostly, sometimes the ideas are impractical or I am not in the mood to hear them but I have no problem with them being posted.  I feel like I did something wrong and have to post this when I keep seeing my name written lol

[Guest submarines]

There are just too many factors. The ages of one's children. Their temperament and health. DH's involvement in parenting. One's own temperament and how it matches with the children's. Financial stability. Just to name a few.

 

I find it interesting that the person who stated straight out and without any qualifiers that being a SAHM was easy (or was it "not difficult"?) was Joanne, who's children are grown up.

 

Quill's youngest is 9.

 

To be honest, because of my personality I do find being a SAHM infinitely easier than what I used to do before having children--working with developmentally challenged adults and then with the mentally ill, in group home environments. But I just can't make a blanket statement about it being easy for everyone, because it is quite obvious that it is not a clear cut, black and white situation. That this sentiment was coming from a therapist is outright alarming.

 

 

[Ausmumof3]

I also don't think saying its hard is the same as saying its harder than being a work outside the home mum. We can say its hard without it being a comparative term. If you want to compare its harder than working before kids but I imagine working would be harder. I offered once when finances were tight but dh said if we do that no housework will get done at all.

 

Positives for me are autonomy in setting my own schedule, time to catch up on sleep, more time as a family, not missing anything with the kids, not having to talk to people I don't know well often.

 

Negatives are mostly things that are common to being a mother no matter what like interrupted sleep, kids messes, general busyness. Specific things are that you don't get that sense of community from outside work, answering the inevitable what do you do all day or when are you going back to work questions ( which are pretty mild compared to the homeschooling ones).

 

For the what's so hard about laundry person, we're in aus where driers are uncommon and that means winter involves constantly moving clothes around on airers to try to get it all dry. In summer it's a breeze though the hanging takes a bit of time it's enjoyable because it's outside. Next year I am hoping there will be money for a drier.

 

One last question? Do those who think being a Sahm is easy did you ever have a time when it seemed harder? Just so I know whether there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Guest]

 

One last question? Do those who think being a Sahm is easy did you ever have a time when it seemed harder? Just so I know whether there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

 

Yes. When I initially spoke to this, I said so. I never liked having newborns, for example. One of my babies screamed inconsolably for four months. That was breathtakingly hard. Two of my babies had thrush and bfing was excruciating.

 

I lost a baby at birth. Grief makes it hard to do anything, even make a sandwich or pay a bill on time. So that was a very hard period of time when I needed a great deal of help just to function, let alone take care of my living children. 

 

One of my children was a baffling toddler. I was afraid I was raising a criminal. We went to many specialists because I was sure something was terribly wrong. That was a hard year or two. I thought I would go out of my mind. 

 

One time, my child was sick. It was hard to get a diagnosis and they were throwing around possibilities that included brain tumors. That was terrifying and very hard. 

 

So, yes, there have been both individual incidents and blocks of time that were hard. But, other than with newborns, and during about six months of grief, I've never been straight-up incapable of taking care of the bare minimal home management and personal care. Also, while I have days and periods of the year that are very busy, with many tasks and tons of dashing all over, there are also days and periods of the year when I'm quite un-busy, really not busy at all.  During the summer, for example. We have a lot of play time and relaxation time, schoolwork is minimal and much of what's on the schedule is for fun. 

 

Kids get older and, as long as they are well-behaved children without special needs, there's just not a million things that have to be done for them anymore. My aim has always been to raise my children towards self-sufficiency. Dh and I both strongly value capability and inner strength, so we naturally tend to move our kids towards being able to manage their own needs and be helpful and utilitarian for familial needs. 

[Ausmumof3]

Ok well that makes me feel a little better... My youngest is nearly two and it is getting somewhat easier now we have a homeschool routine. I did have a time before being pregnant with him that started to feel easier too.

 

And expectations make a difference too. Dh grew up with a non homeschooling sahm mum in a two kid family. I was the oops baby so when I was growing up it was just me my sahm mum and semiretired dad. The housekeeping standards we have expected may be a little unrealistic.

 

I am sorry for your loss and the difficulties you have faced.

[Murphy101]

At the same time, though, it may help if you reframe some of your assumptions. I hear Martha saying she has come to terms with the fact that some things are never going to be caught up because they are a daily aspect of life. I believe that acceptance makes a major difference in the stress level of perceived "failure" to get things done. 

Yes. This. It is tremendously freeing to not add yourself to your daily battles.

 

The more I've thought about, the less I can understand how anyone who frequents this forum - or even comes here at all - can describe themselves as so constantly on-call that they can't imagine sitting snuggled on the couch for an hour. If it were between coming here at midnight and going to bed knowing I need to be up at 6 the next morning, without a doubt, I wouldn't come here. 

I would. In fact, you'll notice some of my most active times on the board are between midnight and 3:30 am and then the most active is usually between 6 and 8:30am.

 

For me, I'm an insomniac and I also strongly crave quite, no touching me asking a million mommy questions time. In a house of 12, that often means after they are all in bed or before they all get up.

 

 

This is what I think, too, right down to how they turn out being largely genetic.

Frankly, I've worked my butt off my entire life to NOT live a life like my family genetics might lean tendencies towards.

[Murphy101]

I remember having 2-3 kids as being a really terribly difficult time.

 

Much much harder than 10 now.

[swellmomma]

Yes. This. It is tremendously freeing to not add yourself to your daily battles.

 

 

I would. In fact, you'll notice some of my most active times on the board are between midnight and 3:30 am and then the most active is usually between 6 and 8:30am.

 

For me, I'm an insomniac and I also strongly crave quite, no touching me asking a million mommy questions time. In a house of 12, that often means after they are all in bed or before they all get up.

 

 

Frankly, I've worked my butt off my entire life to NOT live a life like my family genetics might lean tendencies towards.

 

Me too, it's the only peace I get, after midnight when they are finally asleep.  I had posted previously that I also leave this open on my desk top so that when I am doing other things I can pop onto a thread.  Or I post from my ipod while I am teaching the kids etc. Heck I have often posted on here while sitting on the toilet lol it's the one spot the kids know to leave me alone.  I don't think taking a potty break counts as free time lol.  I am willing to give up sleep in order to have a little bit of posting time because I need time for my brain to wind down before I sleep.  Even if that means getting only 3-4 hours of sleep(a common occurance around here), because otherwise I toss and turn and fret over all the things I did not get done and get zero sleep.  Today I am on slightly more because I have 2 kids sleeping most of the day due to illness and was sent home from work early because I am quite sick (it's been 3 weeks and getting worse not a good thing). So I am moving slower today due to that which means more time sitting and less running around getting things done.  The down side is the kids have not had proper food today, the boys have been forced to fend for themselves which means cereal all day for one and kraft dinner for the other.  The house is still a mess, though I am trying to get things done in little bits (coughing, dizziness and weakness from fever mean very little bits).  On the plus side I am onto my 4th load of laundry lol

 

ETA: I was thinking about my post count more, I have been here for 5ish years and have a count 11486, meaning an average of about 6 posts per day (of course some days there are more, some there are less).  6 posts really isn't that much so I can see how people can have very little free time still manage to have high post counts.  A high count does not happen overnight.

[Soror]

I remember having 2-3 kids as being a really terribly difficult time.

 

Much much harder than 10 now.

My first was the hardest so far, although #4 has thrown me for a huge loop. I had ppd w/ #1 and he didn't sleep, just nursed and cried and was a super crazy climber baby, he didn't get considerably easier until 4 (when we changed diets- gf/df/sf/Feingold). By now I'm much more organized and proficient w/ everything so that certainly makes it all easier, although there is more to do. It seems w/ this one I've had to readjust again, cooking more, more laundry, schooling 2 now vs. 1. My thyroid and hormones are also totally wonked out right now, which is so not helpful.

[SadieMarie]

I maintain the position that it is very hard and demanding and requires lots of back rubs to keep me going.  So far Dh is on board with this so no more remarks about how it is easy please.  

 

[Joker]

 

 

When they were little, I was constantly exhausted. Not enough sleep, b/feeding, trying to run the house and chase after kids, trying to give them a full and happy education and childhood.  So, so hard. I never sat under a blanket reading when they were small!

 

 

Maybe this is why I can say it is not hard? Dh always took over after dinner and took care of dds when they were infants and toddlers. We always did bedtime together and such but he spent a good chunk of time being caregiver so I could rest. When they were of an age to 'play', he also woke early with them every Saturday and entertained them for hours. Most Saturdays I could read or do nothing for several hours to recharge. He never felt worn down because his career was very different from being a dad and he enjoyed them both, so I was given many opportunities for down time. That doesn't mean there weren't tough periods but I always knew he was coming home and I would get a break. I'm sure it made a huge difference in how I felt and now view things.

[Ausmumof3]

I'm sure it makes a difference. I didn't have a lot of respite.

You are in aus too aren't you? There seems to be a bit of a different culture here in terms of expectations

[mommymilkies]

 

For me, I'm an insomniac and I also strongly crave quite, no touching me asking a million mommy questions time. In a house of 12, that often means after they are all in bed or before they all get up.

 

This!  I am a night owl and insomniac.  As an introvert it is absolutely the only me time I get.  I don't count shopping, cooking, etc. because people talk to me, touch me, look at me, etc.  :lol:  I need absolute solitude that only the wee hours provides.  But as much as I would love to wake early to do this, I just can't.  I've tried for years.  I am an absolute worthless zombie before 9-10 am and only truly wake up at sundown. 

 

I do most of my posting on here and on fb while I am cooking.  I cook a lot from scratch, so that leaves me a lot of stirring, waiting, staring at food cooking.  Usually the kids help, but sometimes they do their own thing so I steal some much needed "adult conversation" online. It's not enough time to clean a bathtub and doesn't require as much attention as reading a book or sewing.  It's luckily something I can sneak in in 30 second increments. 

[swellmomma]

This!  I am a night owl and insomniac.  As an introvert it is absolutely the only me time I get.  I don't count shopping, cooking, etc. because people talk to me, touch me, look at me, etc.  :lol:  I need absolute solitude that only the wee hours provides.  But as much as I would love to wake early to do this, I just can't.  I've tried for years.  I am an absolute worthless zombie before 9-10 am and only truly wake up at sundown. 

 

I think that makes you more of a vampire than a zombie :lol:

[Jenny in Florida]

I would. In fact, you'll notice some of my most active times on the board are between midnight and 3:30 am and then the most active is usually between 6 and 8:30am.

 

For me, I'm an insomniac and I also strongly crave quite, no touching me asking a million mommy questions time. In a house of 12, that often means after they are all in bed or before they all get up.

 

 

Me too, it's the only peace I get, after midnight when they are finally asleep.  I had posted previously that I also leave this open on my desk top so that when I am doing other things I can pop onto a thread.  Or I post from my ipod while I am teaching the kids etc. Heck I have often posted on here while sitting on the toilet lol it's the one spot the kids know to leave me alone.  I don't think taking a potty break counts as free time lol.  I am willing to give up sleep in order to have a little bit of posting time because I need time for my brain to wind down before I sleep.

 

Yes, to both of these comments.

 

When  was actively homeschooling my kids, I used these forums primarily for research purposes. Although there was a social component, most of my time spent reading and posting was related to my "job," being my kids' teacher.

 

Then, I went through a time when the most efficient way to get my son to actually do his schoolwork was to remain physically near him. I couldn't d anything too distracting, however. And he needed my attention just often enough to make it frustrating for me to, for example, read a book or write that novel I've been threatening for years. So, I passed some of that time reading and posting on these forums.

 

Nowadays, I'm not actively homeschooling in a hands-on way. I still seek general parenting advice, help with questions related to college applications, etc. But it is try that a reasonable percentage of my time here is social. Much of that falls in the hour or two before I fall into bed, because I need a certain amount of quiet, on my own, nobody talking to me or asking me for anything time before I can turn off my brain and sleep. And, between my kids' weird schedules and a part-time job that sometimes has me working online pretty late, it's not unusual for me to be "done" for the day at midnight or later. I'm physically exhausted and too mentally fried to do anything demanding, but I need to pass a little time before I try to sleep. Sometimes I come here.

 

I also keep the site open when I'm doing other things online and pop in for five or 10 minutes when I need a change of pace.

 

So, as with so many things, different people have different needs and different ways of coping with their lives. Chatting here a few times a week is one of mine.

 

Edit: I thought the math of looking at average posts per day would be fun, too. My current post count is around 6.000, I think. I know that our post count rolled over when we made the most recent format change, but I don't know how far back it actually goes. (I've been around since 2003 or 2004, through at least three format changes.) I suspect the current post counts date to about 2008, which is the earliest date I see on any of the official how-to/announcement posts from moderators. Assuming that's correct, it means I've posted about 6,000 times in five years, which is an average of between three and four posts per day.

[mommymilkies]

I think that makes you more of a vampire than a zombie :lol:

Not the sparkly kind, right?  :lol:  I'm also super pale and hate sunny days.  :coolgleamA:

[swellmomma]

Not the sparkly kind, right?  :lol:  I'm also super pale and hate sunny days.  :coolgleamA:

 

definitely not sparkly.  If I am going to be a vampire I want to be of the true blood version not the twilight version.

[jewellsmommy]

Not the sparkly kind, right?  :lol:  I'm also super pale and hate sunny days.  :coolgleamA:

 

Well now that depends...do you let your kids use glitter?

[swellmomma]

Well now that depends...do you let your kids use glitter?

That reminds me of Wednesday night.  I was at work at the diner and I get a phone call from ds10.  Apparently dd6 was glitterizing the chairs they had in their tv area in the basement.  He had the dust buster but couldn't keep up with her.  I had preveiously bought several costco sized containers of glitter in many colors.  She apparently thought the chairs would look better as glittery green colored.

[awisha.]

nm

Edited December 10, 2013 by Moderator
Keep it civil, please.

[awisha.]

That reminds me of Wednesday night.  I was at work at the diner and I get a phone call from ds10.  Apparently dd6 was glitterizing the chairs they had in their tv area in the basement.  He had the dust buster but couldn't keep up with her.  I had preveiously bought several costco sized containers of glitter in many colors.  She apparently thought the chairs would look better as glittery green colored.

She was having fun!!  At least she kept it to your basement area where you could shut the door and pretend it didn't happen :lol:

[Χά�ων]

I do not think being a SAHM full time mom is hard. What is so hard about keeping a house picked up, doing some laundry and preparing meals? I think parenting would be easier if DS went to school and I had a break to refresh myself rather than being with him 24/7. I am not afraid of him being around same age peers. Will he pick up behaviors other kids have and then try them out at home? Probably and that is not a bad thing. Even adults do this, they are just better at knowing when it is appropriate to crack dirty jokes and when it is not time. Kids are learning.

 

DS has severe dyslexia and his major health issues. If he went to school and made this little progress in reading, it would be on them. I wouldn't have to deal with providers who for the first month or so think that DS's only issue is that he is not in public school.

 

As for his health, if he wasn't sick wow. I can only dream. Not having to worry about giving him his weekly medication at the right time, not having to worry about OT's and PT's. Not having to worry about a bug bite turning into a major infection, Not having to be in constant contact with his specialist every time he gets a cold to see if he needs an anti-viral or to go off of a couple of his medications so he can heal. Not having to massage his legs because of the pain he is in and not having the worry that it is a flare up. Not having the worry that everything may be for naught because he may not live until he is an adult.

 

Frankly, I am jealous of those of you with healthy children who do not have severe-profound learning disabilities.

[Guest]

Maybe this is why I can say it is not hard? Dh always took over after dinner and took care of dds when they were infants and toddlers. We always did bedtime together and such but he spent a good chunk of time being caregiver so I could rest. When they were of an age to 'play', he also woke early with them every Saturday and entertained them for hours. Most Saturdays I could read or do nothing for several hours to recharge. He never felt worn down because his career was very different from being a dad and he enjoyed them both, so I was given many opportunities for down time. That doesn't mean there weren't tough periods but I always knew he was coming home and I would get a break. I'm sure it made a huge difference in how I felt and now view things.

 

We had similar arrangements. When my children were infants (perhaps after 3 months old or so), I would resume a "mom's time out" nearly every week. While I was a big proponent of bfing, I was not a proponent of exclusive bfing. I view the ability to give babies a bottle of expressed milk (or even - gasp! - infant formula!) one of the perks of living in a modern age. (Besides which delivering nutrition to babies by means other than the mother is centuries old. My MIL told me when her kids were babies, she and her SIL would nurse each other's babies if necessary because that is how they accomplished tasks away from their babies.) So, when they were babies, I was moving towards a point in the near future when I would be able to have a break away for a few hours at a time. This was not usually anything fancy - might be a trip to Walmart - but dh knew this was very important for my health and happiness.  

 

I fully understand that this is not always possible. I fully comprehend that some mothers do not have husbands or their husbands are not appreciative of their need for a break from the kids. However, TBH, I have also seen mothers who are possessive of infant care to the point where they shut the father out. It would not matter if he did offer to give her a break; she either thinks she alone is the superior provider of infant care or she has a martyr complex and wants to constantly moan about how hard life is. Maybe she thinks her husband is a moron or is dangerous, but that sort of begs the question of why she would have a baby with him. I have known women who are like this, both in cyberspace and IRL. I'm not referring to anyone in this thread - just to clarify. But I have seen it. 

 

Once my kids were in the 2yrs-4yrs ish age range, the fact that I was going to take mom-only time at least once a week was a no-brainer, a fait accompli. I would arrange with dh when I was getting this time away and it would happen. Sometimes I went to the library. Sometimes to eat with a friend. Sometimes it was just shopping tasks. But it was a certainty. 

 

I am sure those factors went a long way towards my understanding that being a SAHM is not terribly difficult. 

[Guest]

That reminds me of Wednesday night.  I was at work at the diner and I get a phone call from ds10.  Apparently dd6 was glitterizing the chairs they had in their tv area in the basement.  He had the dust buster but couldn't keep up with her.  I had preveiously bought several costco sized containers of glitter in many colors.  She apparently thought the chairs would look better as glittery green colored.

Glitter is illegal in my house. So is gum. And animals.  :coolgleamA:

[SKL]

Don't get me started about glitter.  It did not occur to me that I would have to *tell* my second-graders that spreading glitter around (beyond one's specific art project) is not OK.  Not only did glitter "accidentally" spread beyond its confines, but I caught Miss E intentionally sprinkling it all over their train table (which is covered with stuff).  She was surprised when I told her to stop.  Seriously?

[mommymilkies]

Well now that depends...do you let your kids use glitter?

 

Not if I can help it. *shudder*

Certain people in this thread need to finally admit they are trolls because I am seriously worried about their children if the disgusting things they have posted are true.   :ack2:

Not trolls.  Vampires.  

[Shellydon]

We had similar arrangements. When my children were infants (perhaps after 3 months old or so), I would resume a "mom's time out" nearly every week. While I was a big proponent of bfing, I was not a proponent of exclusive bfing. I view the ability to give babies a bottle of expressed milk (or even - gasp! - infant formula!) one of the perks of living in a modern age. (Besides which delivering nutrition to babies by means other than the mother is centuries old. My MIL told me when her kids were babies, she and her SIL would nurse each other's babies if necessary because that is how they accomplished tasks away from their babies.) So, when they were babies, I was moving towards a point in the near future when I would be able to have a break away for a few hours at a time. This was not usually anything fancy - might be a trip to Walmart - but dh knew this was very important for my health and happiness.  

 

I fully understand that this is not always possible. I fully comprehend that some mothers do not have husbands or their husbands are not appreciative of their need for a break from the kids. However, TBH, I have also seen mothers who are possessive of infant care to the point where they shut the father out. It would not matter if he did offer to give her a break; she either thinks she alone is the superior provider of infant care or she has a martyr complex and wants to constantly moan about how hard life is. Maybe she thinks her husband is a moron or is dangerous, but that sort of begs the question of why she would have a baby with him. I have known women who are like this, both in cyberspace and IRL. I'm not referring to anyone in this thread - just to clarify. But I have seen it. 

 

Once my kids were in the 2yrs-4yrs ish age range, the fact that I was going to take mom-only time at least once a week was a no-brainer, a fait accompli. I would arrange with dh when I was getting this time away and it would happen. Sometimes I went to the library. Sometimes to eat with a friend. Sometimes it was just shopping tasks. But it was a certainty. 

 

I am sure those factors went a long way towards my understanding that being a SAHM is not terribly difficult. 

 

This absolutely has to be why you think SAHM is not hard.  Up until 2 years ago, I could count on one hand the number of times I left the house without a baby/toddler in tow.   Once a week time off a luxury that will never happen.   If you had zero (seriously zero) break from motherhood for 10 years-- and after that only got a break once a month, I think you'd feel very different.

[Retired]

staying home with your kids is not hard work compared to 12hour shifts in the E/R or CVSU the 2 areas of nursing I worked before becoming a homeschool at home mom.   I've never had a day with my kids even when they were sick, cranky, smart mouths that did't want to do school that compared to my work.

 

I get that being with kids 24/7 can tax your reserves especially if you are a introvert or you have a child with mental health or special physical needs.  I would think that type of sham mom would be very stressful.  I don't think its stressful with healthy normal kids.  I will also add that if you have lots of kids the stress level could be high.

 

But in my experience with 2 kids my life was much more stressful working and parenting.   My day was getting up at 4:30 dressing, getting boys up feed/dress back pack and anything they needed for a day at school, drop of at early care 6:00 AM then on the floor at work by 6:30.  Then spend the day running, juggling, making quick decisions having drug ods try to stab me or something equally stressful, then  I would get home at 7:00 my dh or a friend would get the kids from after school care at 6:00PM  (long dang days for my babies).   They would be in bed by the time I would get in the house but be waiting in bed for me.  I would get in bed with them read and talk to them for a few minutes before lights out.  Then I would get my dinner, make their lunches, make sure their school clothes were clean, sign and go over their homework (that hopefully afterschool care did with them).  Then get ready for bed but not able to sleep cause you never feel like you got all your work done or you forgot something for the kids or you just feel dang guilty your kids spend 12 hours in the care of a school/care people.

 

My homeschool days were fun walk in the park.   They had lazy days when getting school work out of them was a pain.  We had the hormonal teen days but non of it has been hard.  Its just normal parent stuff that I was able to give my  100% without the additional stress of work with all the expectations and responsibilities added to the job of parenting.

[Erin]

i have worked full time with kids, part time with kids and been a SAHM.  
Part-time is no big deal, but being a SAHM is definitely less stress than working full time!

 

I won't say being a SAHM is easy necessarily, but it is easier.  

[Murphy101]

This absolutely has to be why you think SAHM is not hard. Up until 2 years ago, I could count on one hand the number of times I left the house without a baby/toddler in tow. Once a week time off a luxury that will never happen. If you had zero (seriously zero) break from motherhood for 10 years-- and after that only got a break once a month, I think you'd feel very different.

Idk. I really think it's about perspective and acceptance of the situation more than anything.

 

I do exclusively breastfeed, except for baby 1 and baby 3. My milk never came in with my third, so he got bottles. Fing, freaking, danged, formula filled bottles. We had to get rx formula bc he puked up everything within seconds of sucking it down no matter how well I burped him, kept him upright or gave him reflux meds. I remember many ocassions where my dh would come home to me in the recliner in my undies with baby and a a blanket bc all my clothes were puked on faster than I could wash them. We threw out a recliner bc of it. He had thrown up so much all night that it had soaked the cushions and dripped through them to the carpet underneath. Yeah. I wouldn't say bottle feeding made me feel particularly freer than breastfeeding. Oh how I hated bottle feeding. That child was FOUR before I could leave the house without a stack of towels and changes of clothing for the puked in car seat. I've always thought bottles were worse than breastfeeding. I don't gotta do anything besides lift my shirt to nurse. Bottles need cleaned, filled, warmed, maybe pumping milk, maybe mixing formula... Bah, I like nursing. Guess I'm just lazy like that. ;)

 

It's only been the last couple of years I've ever been able to really go somewhere sans infant for an hour to hour and a half or so. And that is mostly bc I'm getting older and they are coming slightly further apart. For the majority of my mommy years, a break from the little kids was being able to pee without interruption after dad got home from work.

 

This is the first time in 18 years of babies that I've stopped breastfeeding and not been pregnant. Stupid gallbladder. I was looking forward to many more month of cuddling nursing wake up to giggles and curly red haired bed head mornings. Now dh was all, "Woohoo! This boy is getting his own bed for Xmas and I'm reclaiming the boobs!!!"

*does a little touchdown jig* <-----him

*sniffles a little and rolls eyes at a certain crazy man* <-----me

 

For the record, dh has never had a problem with cosleeping or breastfeeding. Obviously.

But yeah, wife all to himself in the king size bed is still quite the major positive to this situation for him.

[Ausmumof3]

Lol your dh sounds like mine...

[umsami]

Being a SAHM is 100x harder than my job in marketing at a Fortune 50 company.  It never ends. I never am "off".  I never get a break.  Part of the problem is cultural differences with my husband.  In his culture, babysitters who are not family are extremely rare, so we've never had a babysitter. My parents have watched my kids a few times in the past 10 years for a few hours, but we don't' live near them, so it's rare.

 

My ideal would be to work PT out of the home, and SAHM PT…but I've basically torpedoed my career by choosing this life for the past 10 years.  No going back.  I do very limited PT social media work…but it's at home.  While that works great for me logistically, I miss interacting with IRL people.  I feel blessed to be at home, but there are definitely things I miss about my life before.  

 

Having said all that, having four kids, I don't see being able to work outside of the home at these ages. It just wouldn't have worked.  Daycare costs or a nanny to be at home with them would have killed a good portion of my salary.  My job involved a lot of travel.  Great when you're single, difficult to coordinate with small kids and a husband with a demanding career.

[mommymilkies]

Idk. I really think it's about perspective and acceptance of the situation more than anything.

 

I do exclusively breastfeed, except for baby 1 and baby 3. My milk never came in with my third, so he got bottles. Fing, freaking, danged, formula filled bottles. We had to get rx formula bc he puked up everything within seconds of sucking it down no matter how well I burped him, kept him upright or gave him reflux meds. I remember many ocassions where my dh would come home to me in the recliner in my undies with baby and a a blanket bc all my clothes were puked on faster than I could wash them. We threw out a recliner bc of it. He had thrown up so much all night that it had soaked the cushions and dripped through them to the carpet underneath. Yeah. I wouldn't say bottle feeding made me feel particularly freer than breastfeeding. Oh how I hated bottle feeding. That child was FOUR before I could leave the house without a stack of towels and changes of clothing for the puked in car seat. I've always thought bottles were worse than breastfeeding. I don't gotta do anything besides lift my shirt to nurse. Bottles need cleaned, filled, warmed, maybe pumping milk, maybe mixing formula... Bah, I like nursing. Guess I'm just lazy like that. ;)

 

It's only been the last couple of years I've ever been able to really go somewhere sans infant for an hour to hour and a half or so. And that is mostly bc I'm getting older and they are coming slightly further apart. For the majority of my mommy years, a break from the little kids was being able to pee without interruption after dad got home from work.

 

This is the first time in 18 years of babies that I've stopped breastfeeding and not been pregnant. Stupid gallbladder. I was looking forward to many more month of cuddling nursing wake up to giggles and curly red haired bed head mornings. Now dh was all, "Woohoo! This boy is getting his own bed for Xmas and I'm reclaiming the boobs!!!"

*does a little touchdown jig* <-----him

*sniffles a little and rolls eyes at a certain crazy man* <-----me

 

For the record, dh has never had a problem with cosleeping or breastfeeding. Obviously.

But yeah, wife all to himself in the king size bed is still quite the major positive to this situation for him.

I had a very similar experience with my second.  It was pretty horrifying.  I've never understood why people think bottles are easier!  Part of why I breastfeed is that I'm lazy and it's easy.  :lol:

[2_girls_mommy]

Homeschooling parent of a diagnosed ADHD child here.  I have 1 other child, 1 on the way, and keep a 4 yr old niece more than half the week.  THIS is the hardest job I ever had, particularly because of the behavior issues.  But even though it started when she was a toddler and before that she had feeding issues as an infant, and she had multiple hospital stays between the ages of 2 and 7 because of various things, I still loved being a SAHM better than working when she was younger.  Now it is what I do and I am up for the challenge, but not always enjoyable.  

 

I still like that I am my own boss and decide our schedule and all of that.  But parenting and homeschooling are tough and stretch me and challenge me more than school or work ever did because of our particular circumstances. 

[Mbelle]

Well, for me I think I need to have intellectually challenging conversations.  I don't get that as a a SAHHM.  My kids are getting older so we can talk about some things, but still they do not have the years of experience.   The conversation can really be about anything.  I just honestly need that "fix".  

That is the number one reason I struggle. 

 

[8circles]

Glad someone else noticed this.  I found it especially ironic that that person liked a post where swellmomma lambasted me for sticking up for her.  LOL.

Wait, what?  Who's blasting anyone?  I haven't called out anyone by name & I don't even know who posted what in the other thread unless you've told me specifically.  And even then it's likely I've forgotten by now.  

 

As for it being in the UNpopular opinion thread, I don't think that makes anything said there automatically not-rude.  

 

With that, I'm out.  There's laundry to do.  :D

[Guest]

This absolutely has to be why you think SAHM is not hard.  Up until 2 years ago, I could count on one hand the number of times I left the house without a baby/toddler in tow.   Once a week time off a luxury that will never happen.   If you had zero (seriously zero) break from motherhood for 10 years-- and after that only got a break once a month, I think you'd feel very different.

 

Yes, that would certainly suck. 

[Guest]

 

I've always thought bottles were worse than breastfeeding. I don't gotta do anything besides lift my shirt to nurse. Bottles need cleaned, filled, warmed, maybe pumping milk, maybe mixing formula... Bah, I like nursing. Guess I'm just lazy like that. 

Oh, me too! For sure! I just wanted them to be flexible and able to be put to bed by dh or whatever. 

[Guest]

Well, for me I think I need to have intellectually challenging conversations.  I don't get that as a a SAHHM.  My kids are getting older so we can talk about some things, but still they do not have the years of experience.   The conversation can really be about anything.  I just honestly need that "fix".  

That is the number one reason I struggle. 

 

This is one reason I like internet forums such as this. 

 

It was a super-high point for me when dd could read intelligent books and discuss them with me. We read the whole Chronicles of Narnia together when she was 9. That was SO great! It's still great at her current age.