aggieamy Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'd love to hear replies to this! Here's the overview: DH and I have been trying for years to adopt and ended up with a surprise adoption at the beginning of the month. A beautiful healthy baby boy. I'm blessed with a large circle of dear and wonderful friends and four of them have gotten together to throw me a baby shower. There are about 30 people invited and I expected about 20 to show up. My friend that is spearheading the shower and dealing with RSVP's has told me that a few people are RSVPing something like ... "So excited for Mr. and Mrs. Aggie! I'll be there! And I'll be bringing my SIL/cousin/friend/parole officer/whatever." The extra person they are bringing is someone I don't even know! Is this a new thing? How would you respond? I believe the official response so far has been a surprised pause followed by a polite "the more the merrier". As a bonus second question for the board - What do you buy as a "Thank You" for a saint of a friend that is dealing with all this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I would respond with something like "How does Mr or Mrs Aggie know "surprise guest", I haven't heard her mention "surprise guest", which is why I had not included them on the guest list". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 First of all. :party: :party: Second, I think that sometimes the feeling is "the more the merrier", especially when it's a long awaited child. I know I had a lot of people who wanted to celebrate with us when we had DD-because many of my co-workers, DH's co-workers, the prayer circle at the church where my good friend who had been driving me to the weekly perinatal appointments had been sharing updates each week, my mother's church circle and friends, people on some of the online support groups I was on, people on the online teacher's forum I'd been on, and sometimes it seemed like 3/4 of the world had been following this saga, knew of the prior losses, and wanted to be part of it. I ended up getting gifts and writing thank you notes for people who I didn't even know (who, in some cases, signed cards things like "Amy Jones-AJ on teachers.com"), and fortunately, the owner of the company DH worked for at the time was willing to, when the original venue got overbooked, move it to a room in a building he owned (dd also has a pretty large college savings bond from that wonderful man-I miss the days when DH worked for a small, locally owned company). One thing that can help is to make it a pot-luck or to, when someone calls to say "I'm coming, and I'm bringing two friends" asking "Would you mind bringing X to share?" Usually people are more than willing to do so. Regardless, enjoy feeling so loved-even by people you don't know. And my suggestion is (unless your friends don't drink...) a night out with some nice margaritas or daquiris! Maybe before the baby comes, since you'll be pretty busy afterwards! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Well.....It would not not bother me at all for a baby shower. Unless it is an expensive per guest catered event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I would find it odd, but I think people are generally getting more informal about things like this. If I was the planner I’d say sure they could bring the guest but I might grumble a little to my dh about how it was all getting out of hand. :) For your friend....gift card for a night out somewhere? Babysit her kids so she and her dh can go out if she has kids/dh? Gift card for a massage/spa treatment? Get her a big bouquet of flowers and give it to her along with whatever gift you get her in public so she gets all the credit for being such a good sport. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 It isn't something that's bother me ... just kind of amusing. I would have never thought to bring a friend to a baby shower because they are generally low-key in my family. Also, baby boy will be there so I think people might want to come along for the baby ogling. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 How is the dear baby boy, Amy? Congrats again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I can't imagine wanting to go to the baby shower of someone I didn't know. That's so weird! Hmm, thank you gifts for the showers I've had or thrown tend to be fairly small (potted plants, wine, etc.). If she does Christmas, maybe a fresh wreath delivered in December? Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 How is the dear baby boy, Amy? Congrats again! Thanks! He is doing so great. Sleeps great and is cuddly and perfect in everyway. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Thanks! He is doing so great. Sleeps great and is cuddly and perfect in everyway. :) That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Oh I forgot to say congrats! And baby showers are NOT low key in my world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 That is pretty nice and pretty funny at the same time. It's nice that extra people want to come celebrate and help you out with well wishes, etc., for your new little guy (and congratulations for that!!), and nice that they are letting the hostess know in advance. Funny that there are so many "gate crashers" for a baby shower. :001_smile: Enjoy the party and the bundle of joy!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I am so happy for you--congrats :party: My little sister "came home" when I was 10 and she was 5 months old :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Congrats Amy! :) I wouldn't bat an eye at the tag-alongs. While it's a bit odd to go to the baby shower of someone you don't actually know, it does happen (and it's not the same faux pas as coming to a wedding uninvited IMO). I doubt that many "guests of guests" will come. If your hostesses make it at a potluck, accommodating a few extra guests should be no big deal. As for how to thank your friend, I'd go with a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or a spa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 How tremendously exciting! Best kind of surprise, hands down! If the party is not taking place at your house, easily the more the merrier! Leave it to your friend's discretion at how to handle it. As a thank you, I would carve out some friend time for dinner/movie/whatever a bit down the road. Adult friendships can suffer when a new baby comes along if the new baby's mama gets list in care taking. A gift if your undivided attention will probably mean a lot to her. Oh, I am so happy for you. Joy, joy, joy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Amy, I am glad to hear the new baby boy is doing so well. Congratulations! As for the hostess gift, a nice bouquet of flowers and a gift certificate that your friend will enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Aww, congratulations on your precious baby boy!!!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Hurray for you, what lovely news. I would be good with the extras as long as they bring gifts ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Because adoption is a long process, I wonder if these extra guests are people who have heard your story over many months and thought of you, prayed for you, and now want to rejoice with you. Congratulations on your son's homecoming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Because adoption is a long process, I wonder if these extra guests are people who have heard your story over many months and thought of you, prayed for you, and now want to rejoice with you. Congratulations on your son's homecoming! This is a likely reason. People know we want to adopt and often tell us about their friend/cousin/etc. After a few months or years you start to know the people! Also--congrats!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Can't wait to hear about the party! And I would like to come and ogle the sweet babe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Whenever you feel comfy, we'd love to see photos of Mr. Miracle! I'm so very happy for you! Congratulations!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I had many people demand to be invited to Miss E's birthday party, which was 3 mos after my girls came home. Some of them I could really have done without, but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I would agree, in general, the more the merrier. Especially for people who might not know everyone else, it can make them feel better having a friend with them. Generally I try to make sure everyone I'm inviting knows someone other than me. ;) I actually invited one of my friends' father because she didn't know anyone else at the shower, and she was feeling down over her mother's recent death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Congratulations on the new addition to your family. I would agree with most if the pp and have a more is merrier approach. Enjoy the shower Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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