moonlight Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Thanks everyone for your help and insight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I would tell her my husband was having some health problems and while you look forward to seeing her when she is in town, hosting her will not work for your dh. My thinking is that going into details or lengthy details are not necessary. Personally, I would not want to impose myself as a guest into a home where my presence would cause difficulties for my friend / host. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Yes, I'd keep it vague enough to be both true and a valid excuse: "Things are a bit stressful for DH, and hosting is more than we can manage right now. The best I can offer is to set you up in a nearby hotel so we can still get a decent visit in. I'm bummed it's not working out this year, and I hope you'll give me a raincheck on hosting the next time you're in town!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 This is a pretty good idea. I just hate the idea of my other friends wondering what on earth was going on! I might have to explain it to them. Part of my problem is that I try so hard to "hide" his issues from other people, but maybe I need to stop doing that. Ugh, another thing...I have another friend who is staying here with us for 5 days before they move out of the country. He has no problems with them staying.. This is not the norm. This would be the first time that anyone has stayed with us in 4 years.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Is your husband receiving any treatment for his mental health issues, and do you have any professional support? It is very difficult to be married to a person who is bipolar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Sorry you're in such an awkward position, but are you saying that you invited your friend to stay at your home without discussing it with your dh first? If that's the case, I can understand why he would be annoyed. Having dinner with someone and having that person as an overnight houseguest are two different things, so given your description of your dh's personality, his reaction doesn't really surprise me. (And I wouldn't necessarily define it as being a bipolar thing -- many people value their privacy and prefer not to have overnight houseguests, and plenty of introverts would rather stay at home than attend a party or family function. I'm certainly not saying your dh isn't bipolar, just that I think many people might feel the same way he does about having your friend stay at your house.) That said, I sympathize with you because you're in a tough spot right now. I'd go along with the "simple yet vague" excuses that have already been suggested. I wouldn't say that anyone is sick, though, because your friend might worry that it's something serious. I'd stick with something more general about your dh being super-busy or wrong weird hours or whatever. If you want to really scare her off, tell her that your MIL will be visiting at the same time. ;) I hope you're able to figure something out that works out for everyone. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 This is a pretty good idea. I just hate the idea of my other friends wondering what on earth was going on! I might have to explain it to them. Part of my problem is that I try so hard to "hide" his issues from other people, but maybe I need to stop doing that. Ugh, another thing...I have another friend who is staying here with us for 5 days before they move out of the country. He has no problems with them staying.. This is not the norm. This would be the first time that anyone has stayed with us in 4 years.. No, I totally get it. My ex-husband had the same kind of response - to some people, to some situations, and to some plans he had already okay'd. What was fine before, suddenly he couldn't follow through with. What was fine for some people, wasn't tolerable if it was someone else. In his case it was his job that controlled the strings to his temperment, but I still spent years doing damage control on his behalf. I also tried to hide the underlying situation to others, so I understand that also. The times that people were close enough to us to suspect, I had two choices: 'fess up or blame DH. Once I 'fessed up, which was totally out of character for me. Never again. My friend was wonderful but I felt I had betrayed DH - even though he said he totally didn't think I did, and he often offered to let me "blame" him for that sort of thing. Every other time I took him up on his offer, but not in the true sense of blaming. Instead, I said "DH is stressed but it's nothing serious ... I just don't want to elaborate since it's his thing, not mine to share." People generally respectd that, even if they were really curious/nosy/close enough to us to know that was an excuse. And even if it wasn't a dynamic they had in their own marriages, they tended to respect it about mine. Maybe your friends can/will also? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 I did tell him that she would stay with us. His response at the time was that I had to promise him "lots of tEa!" This was all said in a joking manner, so while I knew it wasn't something he would be ecstatic about, I thought it would go by without incident. I just hate that he has put me in this situation. I am finding it hard to see it any other way, like he is trying to punish me cause I didn't talk to him first. He seriously does not remember the joking that happened. My point in mentioning the dinner was just to show that he was fine hanging out with her at dinner while he could have chosen to stay home. It was just to show that he does whatever he is in the mood for at a given time. No, he is not getting help. I do think that as he gets older, he needs it more and more. It would certainly make things easier living with him. So far, I have tried to be supportive and "helpful." I am fairly independent and basically raise the kids (he provides for us very well financially and is involved and so forth. we are able to go out on weekends and have a good time) but it does allow him to not take on responsibility when he doesn't want to or feel like he can't. I do feel like it has set up a situation that I am not entirely pleased with, but it is doable..kwim? cause most days are fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Sorry you're in such an awkward position, but are you saying that you invited your friend to stay at your home without discussing it with your dh first? If that's the case, I can understand why he would be annoyed. Having dinner with someone and having that person as an overnight houseguest are two different things, so given your description of your dh's personality, his reaction doesn't really surprise me. (And I wouldn't necessarily define it as being a bipolar thing -- many people value their privacy and prefer not to have overnight houseguests, and plenty of introverts would rather stay at home than attend a party or family function. I'm certainly not saying your dh isn't bipolar, just that I think many people might feel the same way he does about having your friend stay at your house.) That said, I sympathize with you because you're in a tough spot right now. I'd go along with the "simple yet vague" excuses that have already been suggested. I wouldn't say that anyone is sick, though, because your friend might worry that it's something serious. I'd stick with something more general about your dh being super-busy or wrong weird hours or whatever. If you want to really scare her off, tell her that your MIL will be visiting at the same time. ;) I hope you're able to figure something out that works out for everyone. :grouphug: I had exactly the opposite response. It's her house, too. Not just his. If she wants to have a friend stay over, why can't he go to the hotel if it's bothering him so much? OP, go to the hotel WITH your friend. Make it a girl's night out and have some fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Thanks Ripley. Your post says a lot of what I feel...Every time he does something like this, I feel like it's alienating a bit more. It's definitely not healthy for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 It's her and her 3 kids. The kids are not the issue for him. They want to hang out with my kids so going to a hotel is not really feasible... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Could your husband take a mini trip during that time to visit friends or family? I'm sorry you're in a tough situation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 No, I definitely think it would make him feel displaced out of his own home. I do not think that is fair to him. I agree that this is my house and in most situations, he is not controlling and I can generally do my own thing. I do think that this is partly his down cycle kicking in, but it has become a part of him and it's not fair to put me in such an awkward situation.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 If you had a health condition that put extras burdens on your DH, would that be fair? Marriage isn't fair, it's teamwork. You know your DH has a condition, you know it causes him to have reactions to situations sometimes and not others. This is one of the times he is reacting. What would be unfair IMO is to put what other people think ahead of your DH's real needs. I am biased of course because in our marriage, I am the "weak" spouse with issues. But I would be devastated if in addition to my own self awareness of my problems DH began telling me that I was being unfair for making his life awkward. Given my needs, my DH would probably never invite someone to stay at our house though. I need that safe sanctuary. Going to dinner is in no way like having to live with someone for a week. And, if your DH is on a downward cycle- do you really want anyone in the house for a week to witness that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 No, I definitely think it would make him feel displaced out of his own home. I do not think that is fair to him. I agree that this is my house and in most situations, he is not controlling and I can generally do my own thing. I do think that this is partly his down cycle kicking in, but it has become a part of him and it's not fair to put me in such an awkward situation.. I'm honestly not trying to be argumentative, but it seems as though you know your dh isn't comfortable in social situations, yet you somehow felt it would be OK to invite a friend and her three children to stay at your house for a week. I hate to say this, because I know you were trying to be a good friend, but if I think you should have more seriously considered your dh's feelings before you extended the invitation. I don't think there was much question that he wouldn't have been happy about the whole thing, and it's not really fair to expect him to tolerate four houseguests for an entire week. If my dh invited a friend and three kids to stay with us for a week, I would be positively livid, and I'm neither bi-polar nor an introvert. I just wouldn't want to deal with people in my home for that long. I know you're upset, and I know you had taken your dh's joking comment as a sort of grudging acceptance of your friend and her kids coming to stay with you, but I also think it may have been a poor decision to invite them right from the beginning, given your dh's known issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Sorry you're in such an awkward position, but are you saying that you invited your friend to stay at your home without discussing it with your dh first? If that's the case, I can understand why he would be annoyed. ;) I'm so sorry you are in this position and disagree with the PP. Unless a friend is an addict or otherwise has major problems, you should feel free to invite them to your joint home. Now, if you were asking him to entertain her, that would be another story, but it sounds like that isn't the case. I can be polite to just about anyone on a superficial basis, even if they rub me the wrong way. That said, the "DH feeling stressed right now, needs quiet" sounds like your best option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I'm so sorry you are in this position and disagree with the PP. Unless a friend is an addict or otherwise has major problems, you should feel free to invite them to your joint home. Now, if you were asking him to entertain her, that would be another story, but it sounds like that isn't the case. I can be polite to just about anyone on a superficial basis, even if they rub me the wrong way. That said, the "DH feeling stressed right now, needs quiet" sounds like your best option. My feeling is that, because it's their "joint home," whether or not to invite a friend and her 3 kids to stay for a week should be a "joint decision." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Honestly, you don't really have to give her a detailed explanation. Even close friends shouldn't be privy to everything. "I'm sorry, I've come to realize it's a really bad time for us." If she has other friends in the area, perhaps she can stay with one of them. Things change - she'll get over it if you're really friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Honestly, you don't really have to give her a detailed explanation. Even close friends shouldn't be privy to everything. "I'm sorry, I've come to realize it's a really bad time for us." If she has other friends in the area, perhaps she can stay with one of them. Things change - she'll get over it if you're really friends. I like this. It's simple, and yet doesn't reveal personal issues. This is what I would say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I could not agree more with Cat. Going out to dinner with someone is an entirely different matter than having someone (and their three children!) in my home for five days. I would be livid if my DH did that. Yes, it is a joint home. That means we make joint decisions. I've gotten angry with him when he's invited people to dinner without asking me first. If he invited four people to be in my personal space for almost a week, he'd be responsible for figuring out whatever excuse he needed to in order to disinvite them. As to what I'd say in this situation, I'd go with vague as others suggested: you're so sorry, but it doesn't look like its going to work for her to stay with you this month, but you would still love to get together when she has time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 If you had a health condition that put extras burdens on your DH, would that be fair? Marriage isn't fair, it's teamwork. You know your DH has a condition, you know it causes him to have reactions to situations sometimes and not others. This is one of the times he is reacting. What would be unfair IMO is to put what other people think ahead of your DH's real needs. I am biased of course because in our marriage, I am the "weak" spouse with issues. But I would be devastated if in addition to my own self awareness of my problems DH began telling me that I was being unfair for making his life awkward. Given my needs, my DH would probably never invite someone to stay at our house though. I need that safe sanctuary. Going to dinner is in no way like having to live with someone for a week. And, if your DH is on a downward cycle- do you really want anyone in the house for a week to witness that? Teamwork, to me, implies that he is an active participant in managing his health condition. It's supporting the recovering alcoholic who wants to skip family holiday gatherings to avoid temptation; it's not tiptoeing around someone who is holding the family hostage to his health swings because he is attempting to self-manage. (Not that this is the OP's situation, either, but just the other end of the spectrum IMO.) I think the husband has a reasonable expectation to be comfortable in his own home; I think someone with his possible illness can consent to an idea, but because the swings aren't predictable enough to be able to plan concretely - one has to accept that plans might change. I read the OP's posts as getting that, which is why she's seeking an out for hosting. It's okay for her to be disappointed, whether his change of heart is valid or not. But to be fair to the teamwork angle ... her husband may have an illness, but he is not that illness. It might prove challenging for him to spend five days hosting a personality he isn't overly fond of, but he wouldn't be choosing to do it for the guest. He'd be choosing to do it for his wife, his teammate, whose friend is coming for a once-in-a-blue-moon stay ... on the heels of another visitor he's okay with. I think he gets that, which is why he joked about how the OP would be paying him back. ;) It's just unfortunate that he forgot! I get what you're saying, Mom, and I think you offer good insight about whether it's a good idea to have a guest during one of DH's down times. It sounds like the OP recognizes her marriage as a team, but even when there are legit reasons (like health) it's still normal to be disappointed and weary when you feel your teammate has let you down - especially for an event-type thing that means a lot to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Ripley said : But to be fair to the teamwork angle ... her husband may have an illness, but he is not that illness. It might prove challenging for him to spend five days hosting a personality he isn't overly fond of, but he wouldn't be choosing to do it for the guest. He'd be choosing to do it for his wife, his teammate, whose friend is coming for a once-in-a-blue-moon stay ... on the heels of another visitor he's okay with. Maybe that's part of it--he's not healthy, so making the healthy choice of sucking up his discomfort or "dontwanna" because he loves his wife may not be something he's capable of at this point in his illness. For the mentally ill, for the addict, for really anyone dealing with stuff like that, even something as strong as love for another may not be enough to motivate. I agree with Cat that I wouldn't just invite someone to my house without consulting my husband. I can totally empathize with feeling very disappointed about not having my good friend over, though. Maybe, OP, this could be a turning point for you--maybe it could inspire you to ask your husband to get help. Any way it works out, I am sorry you have to go thru all that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Sorry, I've got nothing. I've been in a situation in which I had to turn a friend down, and I simply was honest with her. If your dh has bipolar tendencies perhaps it's time to see a doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 some things i noticed: a) there is already someone else coming in close time proximity. that may be a piece of the puzzle. b) how openly do you discuss his health issues? this may be one of those times when you could say, "if you are really feeling badly enough that you don't want my friend to stay with us, then i will tell her not to come. i don't want to make things harder for you. but i like her, and it will be sad for me that i can't have her come and stay in our home. and it means that your health is worse than its been, so if that is true, i really think the time has come for you to see someone to see if there is anything simple we can do to help you manage your health. i'd like to go with you sometime this week." and then it will be what it will be.... ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 How closely does this bump up to Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving is during the last week of November this year. Does that just add more to the mix? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 moonlight, i was thinking about this over breakfast. i think this is one of those times when you need to look at the big picture, and figure out how you and your dh can move towards healthy relationship and how you can be clear that what you do and say is helpful but doesn't enable him to avoid his own issues. ie. in the scheme of things, whether your friend comes to stay isn't that huge a deal; what it is a symptom of is a huge deal. ie bipolar is tough on marriages and families. finding someone to talk to, whether or not he goes for help, will help you keep yourself and your kids as healthy as you can. it will also help give you signs to watch for in your kids, so you can intervene early if you need to. (am i right that he doesn't have an official diagnosis? knowing what you are dealing with can make a big difference. if he is bipolar, that is one thing. if he isn't, but is behaving out of coping skills he learned as a way of surviving life with a bipolar mom, that is something very different.) i'm sorry. ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I definitely think you should have asked your dh if he was ok with it BEFORE you told your friend she could come. A week is a long time. There is no one in my life that I would want in my house for an entire week. As it is, I would apologize to your dh for inviting her without asking if he is ok with it first....and tell him you will uninvite her if he wants. And if you have to uninvite, just be as vague as you can. 'We have some family issues going on and this is not a good time.' or 'Dh is not feeling well and it isn't a good time.' Or, 'something has come up and this is not a good time.' My dh told a friend of his that I barely knew that he could park his 5th wheel in our yard. He was here for THREE weeks. I was livid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I am okay with lots of people and we welcome a lot of guests. BUT! I would never expect my husband to say yes to a friend, or certainly not a friend with kids, before talking it over with me. And vice versa. I'm not sure I understand how a spouse would not be consulted. Is this the usual thing between you two, extend invitations first, discuss later? Seems like it violates the happy marriage code, or something. And if he's bi-polar I would think all the more you'd want to discuss things first. Sorry things aren't working out as planned, sounds like the kids would enjoy this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 If your husband can't handle it, he can't handle it. And it would be miserable for him and you and her most likely. Cancel or not, but be aware. I tend to think that 5 days is too long to host most guests, especially one with 3 kids in tow. That said, no one gets a pass or veto of a premade (albeit tentative) plan in my house for medical conditions if they are not willing to acknowledge that it is a condition and get the appropriate medical help. If he can put his foot down and say no 5 day guests, then you very much should be able to put your foot down and say "see a doctor." If he expects you to listen to him, he needs to try listening himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I am okay with lots of people and we welcome a lot of guests. BUT! I would never expect my husband to say yes to a friend, or certainly not a friend with kids, before talking it over with me. And vice versa. I'm not sure I understand how a spouse would not be consulted. Is this the usual thing between you two, extend invitations first, discuss later? Seems like it violates the happy marriage code, or something. And if he's bi-polar I would think all the more you'd want to discuss things first. Sorry things aren't working out as planned, sounds like the kids would enjoy this! My dh and I operate this way and neither of us has ever been angry over it. I don't ask him if my family or friends can stay if they're coming for a visit and he doesn't ask me when it's his family or friends. It's honestly never been an issue and I didn't realize it would be such a big thing for others. In our circle of friends and family I can't recall a single time someone told us they needed to check with their spouse first. They just told us we would be welcome to stay with them when we arrived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 My dh and I operate this way and neither of us has ever been angry over it. I don't ask him if my family or friends can stay if they're coming for a visit and he doesn't ask me when it's his family or friends. It's honestly never been an issue and I didn't realize it would be such a big thing for others. In our circle of friends and family I can't recall a single time someone told us they needed to check with their spouse first. They just told us we would be welcome to stay with them when we arrived. I agree. I don't think I've ever consulted DH (an introvert) before I've had family come to stay - other than to ask him if we wants to take time off, or not. But, that is after the fact - "they will be here on these days, if you want to take leave." I don't think it would occur to either of us to be angry about opening our home to family and friends of our spouse. I find that really weird, actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 My dh and I operate this way and neither of us has ever been angry over it. I don't ask him if my family or friends can stay if they're coming for a visit and he doesn't ask me when it's his family or friends. It's honestly never been an issue and I didn't realize it would be such a big thing for others. In our circle of friends and family I can't recall a single time someone told us they needed to check with their spouse first. They just told us we would be welcome to stay with them when we arrived. We have a list. Well two lists. One of people who can never stay with us (pretty much all of our family except nieces/nephews). And people who can (this is a very short list). Anyone else? We'd have to discuss first. Though neither of us would put our foot down with the other like the OP husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 If your husband can't handle it, he can't handle it. And it would be miserable for him and you and her most likely. Cancel or not, but be aware. I tend to think that 5 days is too long to host most guests, especially one with 3 kids in tow. That said, no one gets a pass or veto of a premade (albeit tentative) plan in my house for medical conditions if they are not willing to acknowledge that it is a condition and get the appropriate medical help. If he can put his foot down and say no 5 day guests, then you very much should be able to put your foot down and say "see a doctor." If he expects you to listen to him, he needs to try listening himself. There is a lot of wisdom in this. When I am in the middle of a PTSD episode, DH will move heaven and earth to make sure I have the space and support I need. If I was not willing to seek treatment when necessary or do the work needed for recovery from an episode, I cannot imagine the strain it would cause in our relationship. ((Hugs)) to the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 just thought I would post a quick update on how this is all resolving itself!! I ended up hitting my head on Tuesday and ended up with a mild concussion. Went to the ER that night and they did a CT scan! turns out I didn't have any sort of major head trauma, but they did find an unrelated problem. I have a cyst that is eroding away at my skull so I need to get that operated on! The dates interfere with visit so I just gave her the truth!! Anyways, that's just the sort of thing that puts life in perspective... I did read what everyone said and I think I am going to wait til he is over his downward spiral and in a better place to hear a serious conversation about this. At this point, he thinks I am attacking him needing help. At it is possible that I am responding in a hurt manner which is not where I should be if I want to have an unbiased conversation with him. The problem is that most of the time everything is fine and I don't say anything until something happens.. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Oh my gosh, moonlight -- I am so sorry to hear about your concussion!!! That's just awful! But maybe in the long run it's a good thing, because they discovered that cyst and now you can have it taken care of. (I think that's pretty scary too, though!!!) I'm glad you resolved everything with your friend, but I wish you hadn't had an excuse like this to give her. I hope everything is OK and that you make a quick and complete recovery. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. (But for right now, get off the computer -- you're supposed to rest your brain when you have a concussion!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 just thought I would post a quick update on how this is all resolving itself!! I ended up hitting my head on Tuesday and ended up with a mild concussion. Went to the ER that night and they did a CT scan! turns out I didn't have any sort of major head trauma, but they did find an unrelated problem. I have a cyst that is eroding away at my skull so I need to get that operated on! The dates interfere with visit so I just gave her the truth!! Anyways, that's just the sort of thing that puts life in perspective... I did read what everyone said and I think I am going to wait til he is over his downward spiral and in a better place to hear a serious conversation about this. At this point, he thinks I am attacking him needing help. At it is possible that I am responding in a hurt manner which is not where I should be if I want to have an unbiased conversation with him. The problem is that most of the time everything is fine and I don't say anything until something happens.. Thanks. So sorry about your accident, but glad you found out about the cyst and are having something done about it. I hear you about not doing anything until something happens- I do that as well. and of course then I am all emotional Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 lol..I did stay off the computer for two full days and I am only doing short bits now, but it gets a bit boring cause the kids and DH are on an Avatar cartoon marathon kick and I can't do anything more than just lounge around... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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