S/O of leaving kids in car. . . do you think 10 is too young?

[Alicia64]

I have twin ten year olds. I've talked with them several times about not opening the door for strangers (or anyone other than me or dad) and laying on the horn if there's any problem at all.

 

Am I being dumb to do this? They often whine about going shopping with me so it's easier to leave them reading their books in a locked van.

 

The windows are tinted so a bad guy would really have to be snooping around to know that kids are in it.

 

What do you think?

 

Alley

[Luanne]

double post

[Luanne]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask, are we really going to go down this road again?  I say go with whatever the law is in your state and then you are covered no matter what.

[Mrs Mungo]

In my current state it is illegal to leave kids nine and under. I would look up the laws *and* the CPS guidelines for your state.

[swellmomma]

Go check out the rant about starbucks lady thread.  Check into your local laws, but even if not breaking the law CPS may still stick their nose in it and cause you trouble so check their guidelines.  Personally I would have no problem with it, but many do and all it takes is 1 busybody to call the authorities to make your life a living hell for allowing mature capable kids to wait in the car.  You are better off letting them stay home instead which is allowed sooner than waiting in the car apparently.

[Melissa in Australia]

^{the age you can leave you children unattended here is 12.}

[lewelma]

Given that a police officer told me that it was ok for my then 8 year old to walk in the city alone to meet his father, I would certainly not have a problem with leaving him in a locked car! 

 

Laws here have to do with 'unsupervised,' which is not interpreted to mean that a parent stares at the child 24 hours a day.  My son *is* supervised when he walks for 15 minutes to his dad, because I know when he has left and what route he is going, and his father knows when he is to arrive.  This is acceptable here.  Leaving him in the car at 10 is a non-issue, unless it was for an unreasonable time or in a very unsafe location.

 

All I can say is that I am amazed at the variability in laws throughout the world!

 

 

Ruth in NZ

[SKL]

It is interesting how differently people feel about this issue.

 

It's hard to answer what you "should" do because even if the law is on your side, if the local cops etc. are not, you could be in for an interesting ride.

 

Personally I think it's only a matter of time before we see a movement to stop cops from bothering people who responsibly assess the risks and make their own decision on this.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I would check your state's laws.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Do *I* think 10 is too young?

 

It would depend on several things.  If I trusted them together, I would prefer to leave both instead of just one.  I would also consider if they are large or small, because I'd feel more comfortable if they looked a bit older.  It would definitely depend on the neighborhood and how long I would be shopping.  Grocery shopping would be too long for me to feel comfortable. A mall would be too big. I would want them to have a cell phone, but that was usually tough, because they'd have to use mine.  (Sometimes, I'd leave my phone with them and they'd call a grandparent just to chat.)

 

I personally think it was a mistake to warn them about strangers like this.  That would have freaked my kids right out and caused them to be overly concerned about anyone legitimately walking past the car. I can only imagine how they'd feel if the person walked up to the car parked next to us.  If I had to actually tell my kids to not open the door for anyone else, they would be too young to stay in the car alone. 

 

Remember that there is a far greater likelihood that your kids would be hurt by someone they know than someone they don't know.

 

[Alicia64]

Well, it turns out that in our state you can leave kids from age 6 on up for a small amount of time.

 

Still. . . this thread has made me think.

 

1) We live in an uber-bordering-on-snotty suburb -- crime happens here but it's generally petty and not common.

2) My boys are both tall and one is regularly mistaken for a 12 or 13 year old.

3) And, yes, they're good together. I would never leave one alone. They're generally reading in the back seat.

4) Re: leaving them at home. We're usually coming -- or going to -- one of their activities and I'm making an errand stop.

 

Thank you everyone. I don't plan on leaving them like this again. Oh, they'll be so happy. :)

 

Alley

 

 

[Ellie]

Irregardless of age I just don't let my kids sit in the car for long periods of time.  If I'm going shopping I don't see why they can't just come in with me. 

 

If they hate shopping, why not just leave them home?  How is it better to be in a van than at home?

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

I think I only left my children in the car once or twice, and that was when I went into a 7-11 for a Big Gulp.

 

I don't leave children in cars.

[linders]

I guess it depends so much on the child, the community, the time of day. I read this not long after I got home from running errands. DS10 (yes, 10!) was in the car, because one errand was his audition for the youth symphony. But I needed a few items at the grocery store. DS had his book and wanted to read it rather than get out in the pouring rain and go around the store, so he stayed in the car. Alone. In a crowded parking lot. Out of my sight. For about 15 minutes.

 

I was not ditching my inconvenient child (as suggested in another thread), I was acknowledging that he is intelligent and capable, and deserved to enjoy his activity (reading) versus the drudgery of shopping. He has done his fair share of shopping with me does no longer views it as a "quality time with mom" treat.

 

ETA: Regarding "just leave them at home"...our home is about 20 minutes out of town, and we are teaching our children to combine errands in town as much as possible to save time and gas (the latter also saving money and the environment). They automatically throw a book in the car when we head out, and are as happy reading there as at home.

[Wabi Sabi]

I think 10 is fine for most kids as long as you use common sense about the weather, the particular location and how long you'll be gone (running inside for a gallon of milk vs. doing an entire week's worth of shopping). Ds often requests to stay in the car when we run errands, and I'll let him after taking the common sense things I mentioned into consideration. Leaving him home alone generally isn't an option since we combine outings/errands to save time and gas. I usually run our errands in conjunction with taking the kids to/from their various activities and classes.

 

ETA: I also take into consideration which vehicle I'm driving. In our small Civic I'm unlikely to let him stay alone, but feel safer about leaving him in the larger truck with dark windows. In the Civic he's visible to anyone who passes by, but in the truck you'd have to press your face up against the window to see into the backseat.

[SKL]

Irregardless of age I just don't let my kids sit in the car for long periods of time.  If I'm going shopping I don't see why they can't just come in with me. 

 

If they hate shopping, why not just leave them home?  How is it better to be in a van than at home?

 

For many people it would be a big time difference.  A few minutes alone in the car vs. a half hour or hour (or more) at home.

 

To me, once you're past the choking age, time is a big factor in leaving young kids alone.  The longer they are unsupervised, the more likely they are to try something foolish.  And the fact that there are "more things to do" at home doesn't always work in their favor.

 

Personally I bring my kids with me if I'm going shopping, but I'm not sure what I'll do when they are 10 (assuming they don't want to come in).

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think it's fine.  Statistically it's your friends and family you need to watch out for not strangers.

 

 

[Truscifi]

I leave my kids in the car for short errands like running in to good a couple of items, or drop something off (assuming no extenuating circumstances, like a very hot day or unsafe area).  I don't leave them for longer errands like weekly grocery shopping.  I think 10 is plenty old enough to be trusted in the car alone if the child would prefer to stay there (again, assuming no extenuating circumstances, you know your child best, and all that).

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I don't see a problem with it. They probably need the downtime after an activity and I don't see anything particularly dangerous about leaving two 10 year-olds together in a locked car in a good area for 30 - 45 minutes while they read. 

[LucyStoner]

Irregardless of age I just don't let my kids sit in the car for long periods of time. If I'm going shopping I don't see why they can't just come in with me.

 

If they hate shopping, why not just leave them home? How is it better to be in a van than at home?

Because if you are combining trips, they may need to be with you for some things (buying them shoes, taking them to a class/activity, medical appointment) but would much prefer to sit in the car with a book or an iPod than grab a few groceries or wait in line at the post office. Most of the quick food shopping trips/errands I make are on the way home from speech therapy or homeschool classes. He's obviously with me for those things.

[Erin]

It was around 10 that I started giving my kids the option--Do you want to come in with me, or do you want to stay in the car?  

Leaving them home wasn't really an option as anywhere I go shopping is at least 30 miles from home...

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I have never understood the thinking that kids are safer at home alone than in the car alone. If you're inclined to worry about statistically unlikely accidents, at home there are knives, stairs, stoves and ovens, people potentially knocking on the door, possible choking incidents, electrical fires, etc. They're also alone for the additional time it takes to drive to and from your location. In the car, they're (generally) in full view of lots of watching eyes, sitting quietly, in an inoperable car, most likely doing something simple like reading. How is being at home inherently safer than being in the car for a few minutes? 

 

I leave my 10-year-old and 7-year-old together in the car for short periods--a maximum of maybe 10-15 minutes, depending on the errand. At this age and as long as they're together, I'm comfortable with that. They've both shown me that they can handle the responsibility because they don't always want to come in with me when I'm running a quick errand, and if they ever showed me they couldn't handle it, they'd lose that privilege. As they get older, I'm sure the amount of time I'm comfortable with will increase. I'd be completely comfortable with two 10-year-old boys together in the car for a short period as long as they've shown you that they can handle the responsibility in other ways.

[catz]

At that age, I take my kids up to the store, and sit them down on a bench with their book if they really don't want to walk the store with me. The laws in my state are ambiguous, and I'm a (very) urban, city area. Someone is more likely to be alarmed by seeing a kid alone in a car and something is more likely to happen in a car (like a fender bender in the parking lot). I also feel more comfortable just leaving them behind at home than leaving them in a car in a busy area. Even if they'll be alone for a longer period.

 

I do think some business will find leaving a kid unattended problematic if only for liability reasons. For this reason alone, I don't do it on private property. On public property, it's definitely your call.

[catz]

I have never understood the thinking that kids are safer at home alone than in the car alone. If you're inclined to worry about statistically unlikely accidents, at home there are knives, stairs, stoves and ovens, people potentially knocking on the door, possible choking incidents, electrical fires, etc. They're also alone for the additional time it takes to drive to and from your location. In the car, they're (generally) in full view of lots of watching eyes, sitting quietly, in an inoperable car, most likely doing something simple like reading. How is being at home inherently safer than being in the car for a few minutes?

I trust MY kids in their own home. Actually, I'm just starting to leave my newly 9 year old for very short periods. They know the rules. They know how to handle a knock on the door. They know what, if any snacks are allowed. If they break the rules, they will not get left home. In a car in a busy place, they may behave. I have to assume the rest of the world is also going to behave. Again, I live extremely urban. I'm not in a hugely violent crime area or anything, but we come across some pretty interesting people on a daily basis.

 

I'd even venture to say, if most people saw where we shop and park regularly, they would not be leaving a kid in the car. I literally NEVER see kids of any age left in vehicles in my area. Does not happen. Maybe there are some regional differences going on here too.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'd even venture to say, if most people saw where we shop and park regularly, they would not be leaving a kid in the car. I literally NEVER see kids of any age left in vehicles in my area. Does not happen. Maybe there are some regional differences going on here too.

 

Good point. We are as suburban as suburban gets, so I'm sure that plays a part. I wouldn't leave the kids in the car around, say, where my MIL lives in NYC.

 

ETA: Then again, where my MIL lives in NYC, many 10-year-olds are traveling on city buses to get to school and hanging out in the streets and in the parks with their friends, without parents. Is that any less dangerous than sitting in the car in a parking lot? 

 

Do you let your kids go to the park by themselves, or hang out outside by themselves? 

[DarlaS]

I have never understood the thinking that kids are safer at home alone than in the car alone. If you're inclined to worry about statistically unlikely accidents, at home there are knives, stairs, stoves and ovens, people potentially knocking on the door, possible choking incidents, electrical fires, etc. They're also alone for the additional time it takes to drive to and from your location. In the car, they're (generally) in full view of lots of watching eyes, sitting quietly, in an inoperable car, most likely doing something simple like reading. How is being at home inherently safer than being in the car for a few minutes?

I am going to assume we are talking about 10 year olds of typical development who understand the rules and have earned a parent's trust that they will follow them.

 

My home is safe. It's not hurtling down the highway (where 1 in 3 drivers is impaired) at 55+ mph.

I have teens, so my 9 year old is not technically "alone" but they are hardly "babysitting" him. He will be curled up with his book or kindle when I leave, and still be in the same spot when I get back. Maybe I just have really laid back kids. It would not occur to him to take advantage of me being gone and get into trouble of any kind.

 

Also, anyone knocking at my door gets greeted by our German Shepherd who knows very well who belongs here and who does not.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Ugh, never mind. I really don't know why I keep letting myself get sucked in. Sometimes I'm just very surprised at the way people think. 

 

[catz]

Good point. We are as suburban as suburban gets, so I'm sure that plays a part. I wouldn't leave the kids in the car around, say, where my MIL lives in NYC.

 

ETA: Then again, where my MIL lives in NYC, many 10-year-olds are traveling on city buses to get to school and hanging out in the streets and in the parks with their friends, without parents. Is that any less dangerous than sitting in the car in a parking lot? 

 

Do you let your kids go to the park by themselves, or hang out outside by themselves?

Absolutely. My son spent a couple hours at a park today with a neighborhood kid. My younger can go if older brother is going. In another year or so, I will allow my younger and a friend go to the neighborhood parks. My kids are outside and up and down our block alone all the time. We live in a beautiful, popular, and generally safe neighborhood. But less than 5 miles from us, there are definitely parks I would not feel comfortable with leaving them at. There are also areas in the city with former sex offenders. I'm actually much more free rangey than plenty of urban parents. My son has friends that take city buses alone for school and I could definitely see a kid in that age range doing that in a routine way (i.e. to school, or to a weekly class where you practice a few times and cut them loose).

 

Where I live it's often too hot or too cold as well to sit in a car. Kids are just not left in cars here. Walking the neighborhood in groups - constantly.

 

I have to say, my freedom on my oldest has been constrained a bit by size. He is a 75 lb 12 year old still sub 5 feet. He has a 6 foot friend that wears men size 12 shoes and he is 6 months younger. I'd feel more comfortable cutting a child with a more physical presence looser around here. He definitely has age appropriate freedoms, but may have a couple more if he were a large 12 (although, he still wouldn't be sitting in a parked car in a busy area around here).

[Farrar]

Regardless of what I think, I hate that a huge part of the consideration is not whether it's safe, but whether or not busybodies or cops that are basically busybodies will come and threaten you.

[shinyhappypeople]

Regardless of what I think, I hate that a huge part of the consideration is not whether it's safe, but whether or not busybodies or cops that are basically busybodies will come and threaten you.

 

This.

 

My kids are in far greater danger from busybodies than the hypothetical threat from which the busybodies are supposedly protecting them.

 

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the idea of a neurotypical 10 year old not being able to sit in the car alone.  

 

(And yes, of course, if the weather is too hot/cold/whatever that would influence whether or not I make DD come with me.)

[Luanne]

I would be less concerned about the 10 year old doing something dangerous than I would be people around them.  I never left my daughter anywhere alone when she was 10 years old.  She was 4'6" tall and weighed 65 pounds.  Any adult could have kidnapped her easily and I never would have forgiven myself.