Sleepover question/situation

[happyWImom]

I have a longtime friend & her dc coming from out of town & spending the night.  She has an 11yr old dd, 7yr old dd, and 6 year old ds.  Her 11yr old & my 11yr old have been close for years.  The 3 youngest (including my 9yr old ds) all get along well.  

 

In the past, the older girls sleep in my dd's room & get to stay up an hour later than the others.  That's the only time they get to spend alone, because my friend tends to push the 7yr old on the older girls.  I get that she's a girl too, and she doesn't want her to be left out.  But, the 7yr old & her brother are super close, and both get along well with my ds.   If they older girls ever try & go off by themselves, or go in dd's room and shut the door, my friend is always yelling for them to let her dd come in, play with them, etc....  Which they do.  So, bedtime is really only their "big girl time".

 

Normally, her two little ones sleep in the bedroom with her.  It has all worked out fine in the past.  This visit, she said she wants the little ones to have the "sleepover experience", and thinks the 7yr old dd should be with the 2 older girls, and the 6yr old boy with my ds.  This, is causing lots of angst here.  Especially now that my dd is getting older.  She wants to be able to have girl talk with her friend & stay up.  Kind of tough with the 7yr old there.  

 

I suggested both little ones sleep in my ds's room, and my friend said she would "ask her dd, but she probably would want to be with the girls".  

 

Now what?  I don't want to turn it into a big issue, and I could understand if there weren't any other kids at all, but she will have the 2 others.  How would you feel?

[2_girls_mommy]

I would want the girl w/the girls too.  I know there are other girls who may just want one of my girls more than the other, but I don't think it is right in this situation with the other one in the house wanting to be with them.  It would be different if she was inviting just the older sis over for a big girl sleepover.  I also would tend to think it more natural for the girls to sleep together and not boys and girls.  So I would  have to go with her wishes (coming from a mother of 2  girls..)

[StephanieZ]

Sticky situation, but I think you better suck it up and let it be. Maybe you can find an attractive craft or baking project or a movie that appeals to the to youngers so that the olders can have some alone time. But, if not, you can't impose that on the other mom. Every family has different dynamics, and her family culture might be very inclusive, which is wonderful in most ways. You can't exclude the other daughter, though, without being very ugly. So, don't do it.

 

If you plan a baking project that the younger daughter could help you on, you might be able to lure her away if you are sweet and tempting. Just need to involve a lot of sugar, and hopefully also be messy, lol. But, if that doesn't work, you need to let it go.

 

Fwiw, I often tell my kids to give their sibling a little space with a special friend, but I would never do it with someone else's child. To me, that is thin ice, and it would not be worth the risk. People are really sensitive about their kids being left out, and you don't want to be the one advocating of leaving one out.

[StephanieZ]

If the youngers sleep in, the older two could get up early . . . Maybe they could plan it on purpose, the two of them making breakfast for the rest of the group. Could be fun.

[Farrar]

Yeah, I'd see if you can distract the younger ones with a project or activity so the olders get their girl time.  Or see if there's a way to find that time for them another way.  When my boys sleep over, we do quiet time at some point and they're *supposed* to be reading in bed.  But, of course, some of them drop off and others stay up and chat.  Maybe the 7 yo will be sleepy?  Slip her some warm milk?

[cuckoomamma]

I have two girls 12 and 8, and think it might be a difference in family culture.  Coming from a home with siblings who looked and still look out only for themselves, my number one priority as a mother was to raise my children as very close siblings.  When we are with cousins who are an age range, the rule is that anyone who wants to play is allowed to play.  Both our girls go to the same dance school, and there are many days when my younger is hanging around waiting for a class with my older and her friends.  She naturally feels a bit left out as they chatter among themselves but I'm very appreciative that they all include her.  I've even seen older dd's friends playing with younger dd alone at times.  If it were our family, there would be no way we could stay if younger dd couldn't be included.  It's one thing if the younger doesn't want to be included, another if she does. 

 

I'm sorry for your situation.  It sounds like someone's feelings will be hurt either way!

[happyWImom]

Yeah, I'd see if you can distract the younger ones with a project or activity so the olders get their girl time.  Or see if there's a way to find that time for them another way.  When my boys sleep over, we do quiet time at some point and they're *supposed* to be reading in bed.  But, of course, some of them drop off and others stay up and chat.  Maybe the 7 yo will be sleepy?  Slip her some warm milk?

 

I was thinking we might have to figure out a project for the littles so that the older girls got some time if the sleep situation didn't work out.  

I like the warm milk idea. :D  (I'm betting she won't be sleepy, though)

[Mom22ns]

I guess I'm a bit different. I would say it is your house and you can set the sleeping arrangement. If your dd wants to be alone with her oldest, then you can gently tell your friend so. Give her and her younger dd the choice if they prefer mother daughter bunking or if the 7 yo wants to be with the other younger kids. As a guest I would never tell my host they have to let us sleep in a certain way!

 

I think it is great that the older girls include the little one and make her feel valued. However, I think they deserve to feel they are valued too. That would mean giving them time to enjoy together.

[happyWImom]

I guess I'm a bit different. I would say it is your house and you can set the sleeping arrangement. If your dd wants to be alone with her oldest, then you can gently tell your friend so. Give her and her younger dd the choice if they prefer mother daughter bunking or if the 7 yo wants to be with the other younger kids. As a guest I would never tell my host they have to let us sleep in a certain way!

 

I think it is great that the older girls include the little one and make her feel valued. However, I think they deserve to feel they are valued too. That would mean giving them time to enjoy together.

  

Well, this was how I sort of felt, also.  I wouldn't really question my host unless I thought there was something really unusual or wrong.  

 

Now, I only have 2 kids, so I can't really know how it is with 3.  And I agree with what many are saying about raising their dc to be close-mine are very close, even though they are different sexes.  And her boy & girl are super close-only 13 mos. apart.  Which is why I didn't think I was out of line seeing if she could sleep with the boys.  She's only 7, so I didn't feel it would be odd.  

 

That's the other thing, 7 & 11 is a big age difference when it comes to sleep time and sleep chat.  (Maturity level)

 

But, I don't want to hurt our friendship either, so if she feels strongly about the whole thing, I will go along with it.

 

Maybe I'll have the littles watch a movie & the older girls can then have their time.

 

It's always something!

[Mom0012]

I was thinking we might have to figure out a project for the littles so that the older girls got some time if the sleep situation didn't work out.

I like the warm milk idea. :D (I'm betting she won't be sleepy, though)

I wonder if you can let the other mom know your dd wants special time with her friend and get her on board to do some cooking or other projects with the younger ones. There is a big difference between 7 and 12 and I would want my dd to have that time with her friend as well. If the mom won't go for it, maybe you could have just the 12 yo come and stay with you for a weekend sometime.

 

I would not be thrilled about my 7 yo sleeping with the boys, though.

[PeachyDoodle]

I completely understand what the others here are saying about encouraging sibling closeness, etc. But as the oldest of three girls, I can distinctly remember what it was like to constantly have a younger sister tagging along. It is perfectly okay for the older sister to have friends of her own (who should absolutely be polite and respectful of the younger sister but not necessarily her close friend), and it is perfectly okay to expect the younger sister to respect the older one's privacy. At 11, this is becoming increasingly important to the older girls. I honestly don't see the big deal with allowing the younger sister to hang out with the older girls for awhile, then giving them a chance to be alone. Letting the older ones stay up an hour later seems perfectly reasonable to me. If your friend wants to give her younger daughter a "sleepover experience," let her invite a friend over to spend the night with the younger girl at their home another time. Forgive me, I just resent the idea that just because two people are siblings they can't form independent relationships. Can you tell I have issues? :)

 

You certainly don't want to approach this in a way that endangers your relationship with your friend, however. What about letting the younger three "camp out" in the family room with a movie and popcorn? Would something like that be more likely to appeal to the little girl and encourage her to hang with the boys?

[MrsH]

I think that what's possibly making this situation even stickier is that, in my experience, the more the older girls try to get away from the younger kids, the more clingy the younger ones get!  Do you think the mom would be up for letting the older girls have one night with just the two of them, but fully including the younger one the rest of the time?  Is there a way to do a movie night for the younger kids, and a separate movie night for the older kids?  What about a special field trip that's more appealing to youngers: a children's museum, sprinkler park, petting zoo...? 

 

Another angle, if your dd happens to be an introvert, could be that it's more about meeting her introvert needs for one on one time.  Maybe your dd could have that both with the older and the younger girl? 

 

I think that overall, finding ways to sincerely include and have fun w/ the younger girl will be key to then finding ways to make it ok to have some big girl time as well.  Is there any way her 11 year old could come for a sleepover without the siblings, a different time?  That way the girls would have that time as their alone time? 

 

Hope this helps you to give some workable ideas.  All the best!

[Snickerdoodle]

It sounds like this is a time for your daughter to be a gracious host and realize that this time is not a private social call for the big girls, but a family event.  It is what it is.   Can you arrange a big girls only sleepover for another night?  

[happyWImom]

I think that what's possibly making this situation even stickier is that, in my experience, the more the older girls try to get away from the younger kids, the more clingy the younger ones get!  Do you think the mom would be up for letting the older girls have one night with just the two of them, but fully including the younger one the rest of the time?  Is there a way to do a movie night for the younger kids, and a separate movie night for the older kids?  What about a special field trip that's more appealing to youngers: a children's museum, sprinkler park, petting zoo...? 

 

Another angle, if your dd happens to be an introvert, could be that it's more about meeting her introvert needs for one on one time.  Maybe your dd could have that both with the older and the younger girl? 

 

I think that overall, finding ways to sincerely include and have fun w/ the younger girl will be key to then finding ways to make it ok to have some big girl time as well.  Is there any way her 11 year old could come for a sleepover without the siblings, a different time?  That way the girls would have that time as their alone time? 

 

Hope this helps you to give some workable ideas.  All the best!

 

The problem is, they live in Alabama (we live in WI) and only come back once or twice a year.  They are here (in WI) for a little over 2 weeks, and stay with her parents most of the time.  We usually get together with them for a full day somewhere besides them sleeping here.

 

The 2 older girls have been friends since they were 4 (before the other 2 were born) and so the kids have always been together & played together well.  It's just now, as they are getting older that the oldest girls want some time separate.  And our logistics make it a little difficult.  Which is why the bedtime thing was always perfect.  Littles went to bed anyway, earlier, no big deal.  Now....

 

I love all of her kids, so I don't want anyone's feelings hurt.

[Word Nerd]

Is the mother a younger sibling herself?

[happyWImom]

Is the mother a younger sibling herself?

 

Yes, but she had brothers.  

 

I'm an only child, so I have no frame of reference!

[Word Nerd]

Yes, but she had brothers.

 

I'm an only child, so I have no frame of reference!

I just wondered if that might explain why she's so careful to take her younger DD's wants and feelings into consideration with this issue but not her older DD's--at least that's how it appears.

 

I would probably let the sleeping situation go but think of a way to get the younger kids' attention focused on other things part of the time. We've had similar issues, as my girls are also 4 years apart.

[Paige]

I have 3 girls (and an older boy) and it's complicated because the older girls are twins, so they're exactly the same level. I would want all 3 girls to sleep together. At 7, I would not want my DD sleeping with the boys. I know my DDs would be uncomfortable with a boy not their brother. It would be different if all the kids were together in one room (3 girls/2 boys), but I would not allow a 1:2 ratio of either gender. If it were me and that was the only option, DD would be sleeping in my room again, and I imagine it would hurt her feelings significantly.

 

I would find another way for the girls to have some special time together.

[Mandy in TN]

I wouldn't want my 7yo dd, if I had one, sleeping in a room with two boys- absolutely not. OTOH- I wouldn't want my 11yo giving up alone time with a special friend. It is a crappy situation.

 

I think that I would explain to the other mother that your dd wants some alone time with her special friend and that while you understand that this will not happen at bedtime is there something special that you could do with the 7yo so that the big girls can be alone for a little while. Maybe you could suggest that while the big girls play and the little boys play you would love to paint the little girl's toe nails. It's got to be tough on the little girl being the third wheel no matter who she chooses to play with. :(

 

Mandy

[Chris in VA]

Boy, that is a toughie. I can see both sides.

 

S there a way you could invite the oldest girl to come over during their two week visit, just by herself? Maybe not to spend the night, but just to play--not for some big event/trip either, just to hang out for an afternoon.

That way, the kids could all play together and the 7yo can have the fun of the sleepover, but the big girls know they will have special time later, and can be gracious to the little sis.

[kiwik]

I would point out how disappointed the older girls will be not to have their special time. I honestly wouldn't care about my daughter sleeping with boys - I always did. Maybe phrase it as "since the older girls will be disappointed to not have the room to themselves what shall we do to make it up to them?"

[happyWImom]

Thanks for all the great advice.

 

I do see things from her point of view, more.

 

But, I just wish we could have left things as they had been.  The littles would still have had a sleepover-stay up late, see each other first thing in the morning, different house-just not in the bedroom with the kid.  They still had each other.  And, they shouldn't be up even later, talking, right?  My dc never went to a sleepover at 6 & 7 yrs old.  I guess that's what bugs me, saying that the older dd always gets to go to sleepovers & the younger hasn't.  My ds still hasn't, and I explain "Thats' because he's younger!  At dd's age, she didn't either."  What's so difficult about that?

[Mom2TheTeam]

In my opinion, it is not appropriate at all for her daughter to sleep with the boys, especially your 9 year old son.  I wouldn't be okay with that. 

 

I would talk to the other mother about setting aside an hour or so for the older girls to be alone.  Maybe while the youngers watch a movie or play a game.  Since they will be here for 2wks, I wonder if you could see if you can plan a get together for just those 2. 

 

I definitely see both sides of this.  I completely understand your daughter's side of this.  I have a sister who is 7 years younger than I am.  I get it. I see the other side too.  I have only 1 daughter but 5 boys.  She feels left out sometimes. And sometimes I have to tell the boys they have to let her play. I don't like it when either side feels hurt by it.  Having only 1 girl also means that sometimes, *I* don't get the alone time with the other mothers (or my own mother, her grandmother) that I'm craving because she is lonely and we, the adult women, are the only other girls around.  She wants to be with us. Or, I just want to be alone in the house while the kids play, but the boys are being boys, so she would rather hang with me.  I have to give a little and have a bit of a compromise in those situations. Sometimes this is just the way it is in a family setting.  It is a tough spot for all.  Good luck!

 

ETA - I wanted to add that in this situation, if I was the other mother, I would have the 7 year old daughter sleep with me with the 11 year olds get their time and the boys sleep together.  My daughter and I would have some special time together and our own sleep over. I would try to make it special by bringing a good book to read or a treat to have right before bed or whatever.  And, if she didn't like it, I would just tell her that's the way it is.  Life isn't fair.  Some things are not age appropriate and we have all lived that.  She will get older.  Personally, I would want to allow the 11 year olds some alone time AND I wouldn't want my 7 year old to be listening in on their older, more mature chatter before bed.  But, that is just me.  In the situation you are in, I would try to find an alternative time for the 11 year olds since the other mother has a different way of dealing with things than we would.

[airforcefamily]

Could you suggest some activities for the older girls? Even if they just take a walk it would give them some time alone. If the mom insists the younger girl tag along say you're not comfortable with the older girls being responsible for her and if the mom decides to go along too allow the older girls to change their mind, stay home, and pick something else. Eventually the mom should get the idea that the older girls are just trying to do something without anyone else.

[flamommy2mygirls]

In my opinion, it is not appropriate at all for her daughter to sleep with the boys, especially your 9 year old son.  I wouldn't be okay with that. 

 

I would talk to the other mother about setting aside an hour or so for the older girls to be alone.  Maybe while the youngers watch a movie or play a game.  Since they will be here for 2wks, I wonder if you could see if you can plan a get together for just those 2. 

 

I definitely see both sides of this.  I completely understand your daughters side of this.  I have a sister who 7 years younger than I am.  I get it. I see the other side too.  I have only 1 daughter but 5 boys.  She feels left out sometimes. And sometimes I have to tell the boys they have to let her play. I don't like it when either side feels hurt by it.  Having only 1 girl also means that sometimes, *I* don't get the alone time with the other mothers (or my own mother, her grandmother) that I'm craving because she is lonely and we, the adult women, are the only other girls around.  She wants to be with us. Or, I just want to be alone in the house while the kids play, but the boys are being boys, so she would rather hang with me.  I have to give a little and have a bit of a compromise in those situations. Sometimes this is just the way it is in a family setting.  It is a tough spot for all.  Good luck!

 

ETA - I wanted to add that in this situation, if I was the other mother, I would have the 7 year old daughter sleep with me with the 11 year olds get their time and the boys sleep together.  My daughter and I would have some special time together and our own sleep over. I would try to make is special by bringing a good book to read or a treat to have right before bed or whatever.  And, if she didn't like it, I would just tell her that's the way it is.  Life isn't fair.  Some things are not age appropriate and we have all lived that.  She will get older.  Personally, I would want to allow the 11 year olds some alone time AND I wouldn't want my 7 year old to be listening in on their older, more mature chatter before bed.  But, that is just me.  In the situation you are in, I would try to find an alternative time for the 11 year olds since the other mother has a different way of dealing with things than we would.

 

 I think this ^^^ is great advice! I am a middle child with an older and younger sister so I also see both sides. My kids (2 girls 7&4 and a boy 1) are still young so including everyone when friends are over is very important to us. IDK how this will change when they get older b/c I can't see ydd leaving her sis alone, voluntarily. I would definitely have to find something fun to distract her from getting in the middle of the older girl's time together. That would be my only advice, do as much as you can to distract the younger girl but explain, ahead of time, to your daughter that the younger sis may not take to these distractions and the older girls will need to be kind and patient with her. No reason to rock the boat over 1 night. It will all work out. :)

[vonfirmath]

My sister has 3 kids -- 14,12,and 10.  The oldest is the only girl and has a friend that lives in the same city as I do.

 

So the last time the came to visit, the friend got dropped off at our house as well.

 

My niece and the friend spent some time playing with the younger kids, then went outside in the back to talk

 

I think the going for a walk together around the block/planning other alone time during the day would be good.

 

Here's another idea: If the 3 girls are sleeping together. Still have the younger ones go to bed first and let the older girls use your bedroom/stay outside a little later before going to bed themselves?

 

It is perfectly fine for a 11 year old and 7 year old to have different bedtimes even when sharing a room.

 

[happyWImom]

My sister has 3 kids -- 14,12,and 10.  The oldest is the only girl and has a friend that lives in the same city as I do.

 

So the last time the came to visit, the friend got dropped off at our house as well.

 

My niece and the friend spent some time playing with the younger kids, then went outside in the back to talk

 

I think the going for a walk together around the block/planning other alone time during the day would be good.

 

Here's another idea: If the 3 girls are sleeping together. Still have the younger ones go to bed first and let the older girls use your bedroom/stay outside a little later before going to bed themselves?

 

It is perfectly fine for a 11 year old and 7 year old to have different bedtimes even when sharing a room.

I completely agree, but I know that that will not go over well at all, either with the 7yr old (who will have a fit that the other 2 aren't in there with her to go to bed) and with my friend.  Her dd will be lonely, sad, left out, etc...  Especially if the 2 boys are together in my ds's room-going to sleep, or not.

 

The walk thing probably won't be able to happen for exactly the same reason.  This is based on past experience with them.

 

And, my friends mom is and hour and a half away, so the possibility of the older girl coming for the day some other time also wouldn't be an option.  Even if it wasn't, I know she wouldn't go for it.  Because all of our kids have been friends, the others will "feel bad" if they aren't included.

 

My other option is to have the littles watch a movie while the older ones are in dd's room.  That's what it will probably have to be.

[vonfirmath]

I'd be about to the point of not caring if the 7-yr old "felt bad" your 11-yr old is going to "Feel bad" if she gets no time alone with her friend alone.

 

So. Whose feelings trump?

 

BTW when the cousins "sleepover" at each others houses, there is NO giggling and talking in the bedrooms. When kids go to their bedroom at night, the intent is for it to be to go to sleep. Playing and such happens before bedtime.

 

If the 7 year old is going to be forced on the 11 yr old, as well as a forced adjustment of bedtimes so all have to go to bed at the same time, I might be tempted to make it just a bed time, not for more playing and talking and such. OTOH there are enough having to do it your friend's way here that I fear i'd be wanting to make a scene just so my kid was not overlooked in the whole thing.  A way to smooth it out might be to ask your friend "We need to find a way that the older ones can spend some time together alone" and hope she's reasonable at coming up with something she will agree with or this relationship may end up falling apart eventually with resentment.

 

ETA: My sister's family is 2.5 hours away. Thus why while they were here they had another friend over so the two girls could hang out together. So I understand the distance issue.

 

[airforcefamily]

Could the older girl stay after her mom goes if you offer to drive her home the next day?

 

Honestly, in that situation, I'd be tempted to plan lots of very active things for the younger ones to do during the day to tire them out then quietly suggest the older girls pretend to go bed at the same time as the younger girl then have their time to chat after she falls asleep.

[MrsH]

This is not advice to follow, just a funny realization that my dd11 and her friend had recently.  They think that adults "act really boring" when the girls are around, so that they'll want to leave the adults alone (we don't intentionally do this, I think we adults are just naturally so boring!).  The girls have decided that when they don't want a younger sibling around, they just kind of sit somewhere staring into space, and act boring. Usually the younger sibling will leave them alone. 

 

To me this is funny mostly b/c they're generally VERY good about including all siblings and friends in their play, and only occasionally really want to get some time alone.  I'm certainly not advocating for that every time, but I smiled when I overheard their plan.  I'm guessing it'll stop working sooner or later!

[Ravin]

It is incredibly obvious this woman was not blessed with younger sisters herself.

 

I would either set up a slumber party with ALL the kids in sleeping bags in the living room, or do it the way you've done in years past. I would not be OK with the little girl in with the 11yos. unless your DD was on board with the idea.

 

Another idea--how about plan an outing for the older girls so they can get their "big girl time." Maybe have them walk to the store to pick something up for you? That's something reasonable for 11yos. but not so much for a 7yo.

 

The walk thing would work here because I'd truthfully tell my friend that it's illegal in my state for a child under 12 to babysit/be responsible for younger siblings.

 

I spent a LOT of time avoiding my sisters at that age, and I was closer in age to them (2 1/2 years difference). But I do also understand your friend's philosophy of not excluding the younger. I would not be so hung up on what boys vs. girls do or where they sleep pre-puberty though.

[ForeverFamily]

I haven't read through all of the posts, so forgive me if this has already been mentioned.  You mentioned that they are often in town for a couple weeks, and most of the time they spend staying with her mom.  Is that true this time?  If it is, could the 11yo come and stay a seperate night in addition to when her whole family is there (i.e. the night before or after)? 

 

I am sorry you have been put it this sticky situation.  Hope you are able to figure something out!

[TraceyS/FL]

That is what I was thinking - the younger one is getting her feelings taken into consideration, but not the older.

I would casually mention to the friend that your DD was saddened to realize she wasn't going to get that "special 'tween' time" with her friend, and you were wondering if she had any suggestions on how you could help them carve a couple of hours out.

 

I'd be about to the point of not caring if the 7-yr old "felt bad" your 11-yr old is going to "Feel bad" if she gets no time alone with her friend alone.

 

So. Whose feelings trump?

 

[Alice]

As a Mom of two boys three years apart I can see both sides of this easily (and as an only chid who also is new to all this sibling dynamic stuff, I feel your pain. :)). This kind of thing comes up for us sometimes. My boys are very close and play great together. Generally the older one and friends are great about including his brother but I also want him to be able to have friend time on his own. It’s often a tightrope of balancing both boys' needs and sometimes when those needs are incompatible the fact is that one is going to feel bad and one is going to “get his way†no matter what we do. 

I’m wondering if this is also an issue at home and maybe the older sister has had more “special time†with friends at home. Perhaps your friend looks at time with your family as time when the kids can mix. Perhaps the sleepover situation has been a real issue for them in the past (with younger daughter feeling hurt) but she hasn’t said anything before now. That’s a lot of perhapses but it may be that there is more to the family dynamic than you are seeing. For example, my older son has been at sleep-away camp twice this summer. Younger brother missed him terribly. When the older one came home he got invited to a few activities that excluded his brother. Normally I would have been happy for him to have that time away but I said no to one invitation and ask if younger brother could come to the other just because for our family right now the brothers needed to be together. Maybe this vacation for them is “family time†and that includes the time with your family. 

 

It’s not really fair to your daughter if that is the case, and I can see that from your perspective. It wasn’t clear to me from your post how clear you have been to your friend. There is a difference between your friends saying“Hey, I’d like my little guys to have the sleepover experience this time†and you saying “Oh, okay, maybe little Susie could spend the night with the boys†and you saying “Oh, well while my daughter really loves seeing all of you she looks forward all year to the special alone time she has with Big Sister. Do you think we can keep it so they have that special time?† It may be that you’ve been clear and she’s just not hearing or agreeing with you. But sometimes I think we say things and think that all the meaning is evident but to the other person they don’t really know our feelings unless we spell it out. I think I’d spell it out for friend ...â€Daughter is really sad that she won’t have special time with Big Sister. She enjoys being with little Susie too but now that she’s eleven she really wants to have that special older girl time. How can we make that happen?†And then see what she says. 

 

[happyWImom]

Well, the day & bedtime stuff is over, and it worked fine! :hurray:  We went to the beach, and the 2 older ones swam quite a bit, while the littles played in the sand.  Then, the older girls walked around the playground by themselves.  After that, they all played & had fun.  The girls also had a little time before dinner, all were together for a while afterwards, all watched a movie together, but then the littles watched another movie while the older girls had there time (for a little over an hour) then they all went to bed.  Boys together, and all the girls together.

 

While I'm sure my dd would have preferred to have it just be the 2 of them, I think it was still fun and worked out fine.

 

(Now, I just have to worry about what the plan will be 6 mos. from now!  Because I'm thinking my friend will probably want this to be our new norm.)

[Mom2TheTeam]

Great news! 

 

Yes, I'm sure she will want this to be the new norm.  But, since it went fine this time, I wouldn't think that would be a big deal.  That's just me though.  Congrats on a great visit with friends!  :D

[SuzySparkle]

I'm glad that it worked out for you! I truly am. As the mother of 10 and 7 year old DDs, I couldn't help but feel for the younger girl.

 

While a few people mentioned that the older child's feelings weren't being equally considered, I had to disagree. I felt that the older two would probably have time together during the daytime so having another body in with them at night wouldn't be such a big deal. She would still get tons of time to hang out with a girl her age.

 

OTOH, while the younger DD plays nicely with the boys and could be allowed to sleep in the room with the girls, she may realize that she doesn't really belong with either group. As such, if I was her mom, I would want to at least include her in the girls "group" at night. Some might call it unfair to the older girl, and if it was JUST those three girls, I wouldn't force the issue. However, with 5 kids doing the sleepover thing, I could totally see how the younger DD would be hurt being the ONLY child sleeping with a parent.

[happyWImom]

I'm glad that it worked out for you! I truly am. As the mother of 10 and 7 year old DDs, I couldn't help but feel for the younger girl.

 

While a few people mentioned that the older child's feelings weren't being equally considered, I had to disagree. I felt that the older two would probably have time together during the daytime so having another body in with them at night wouldn't be such a big deal. She would still get tons of time to hang out with a girl her age.

 

OTOH, while the younger DD plays nicely with the boys and could be allowed to sleep in the room with the girls, she may realize that she doesn't really belong with either group. As such, if I was her mom, I would want to at least include her in the girls "group" at night. Some might call it unfair to the older girl, and if it was JUST those three girls, I wouldn't force the issue. However, with 5 kids doing the sleepover thing, I could totally see how the younger DD would be hurt being the ONLY child sleeping with a parent.

I know what you mean about her being the only one with her mom, which is why I think it should have just been as it was before; the 2 little ones staying up & watching a movie, having fun, etc... but then both of them to bed in the room where there mom was sleeping.  Then, no one would have been left out.

 

But, it really was okay, and while the older girl has had other sleepovers, I think my friend does see us like family, so I do understand why she wanted her little dd with the older ones.  She sees my dd like a sister, and I guess that's a good thing! :001_smile: