Did you ever end up moving here? I'm curious because DH is interviewing for a job, we're currently a couple of miles north of Boston and had considered ourselves completely settled, but looking at housing costs and this job... it's pretty tempting! Would love to hear about your experience if you did end up moving.

That's physics, yes? We start, too. But it's just 5 weeks till we go away for two weeks, so something to look forward to!

Yeah... Dd12 eats anything that gets put on the table. We now always have two or three veggie dishes, some starch, and about 1.5 lbs of meat. Though we also eat vegetarian twice a week, to keep the budget down. We hadn't had leftovers in about a year, but lately, with the extra veggies on the table, we have them again a few times a week. Which is good, bc I like to throw cooked veggies in with my morning eggs!

How about a gift card to a paint your own pottery place? Or a craft class at a local store (bead stores and paper stores often offer these). Maybe make it enough value that she can bring a friend, or go twice?

I just opened my new Taproot magazine, which has a great article on exactly this topic. Maybe you can get your hands on a copy?

My kids have really enjoyed Honest Pretzels by Mollie Katzen. It's real stuff but explains more details than you'd find in some adult books. Another option is to let her loose in the Joy of Cooking, which explains things clearly. Using the ground rules discussed above would be valuable. I learned all my cooking from watching the food network throughout high school and college, while attempting any recipes I wanted!

For dd12, I've also noticed that it helps when I can have some private time with her regularly. Usually this is after the younger ones are in bed, I just sit with her and we chat about her day. I try really hard to not give any advice at this time (unless asked), and instead to ask questions, reflect feelings back to get, and occasionally share a story about a time that I felt similar. When we do this regularly, it really helps. Though occasionally she goes through periods where she just about acts like it's torture to have me visit! So I leave... :-)

If you're interested in reading about executive functioning (getting stuff done), I really recommend Smart but Scattered. It helped me have more realistic expectations for dd12, to realize that ds8 has done issues, and that dd5 has a gift in this area. It also gives tons of constructive ways to help our kids develop these skills. Good luck!

If she's interested maybe there's a local gallery you could both visit and ask some questions? Or a craft fair?

This is so hard. So hard. I could basically have written your posts about my son, and it's easily the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I live the book rec above, and DS does respond to it. It's not fast, but absolutely worthwhile. If there's any sensory stuff going on, take a look at The Out of Sync Child. It's given us very practical suggestions on how to help DS regulate himself by providing a rich sensory "diet." The book was invaluable, but we are in the process of getting an OT evaluation, to help us get help that's more tailored to his needs. Some techniques in that book though have helped in reducing the length/severity of meltdowns. As we muddle through each day, while very slowly getting more information, I try to catch little fun moments with him and the others when I can. I try to remind myself that this will improve, sometime, as we learn more. I pray a lot. And make sure to get my exercise and breaks from him on a regular basis. It's still so hard. Some days feel manageable, others don't. Occasionally we get a beautiful moment, and I feel hopeful again.

Dd12 has been very happy with Jousting Armadillos. My guess is she'll finish it and half of the next book this year, then finish the series in 8th grade. We supplement by doing Khan, focusing on areas that JA is weak in, such as geometry, measurement, probability, etc.

I also use goodreads. Dd12 is on it, too, and I love being able to send book recs. For summer reading, she chose three books from a shelf labeled "summer 2014" and she loved using the summary and reviews to help her make selections. She also has a "books I chose" as a shelf. She lives the control it gives her. Also makes it easy for me to see what she read during the year.

Yes commas! Though I think I may overuse them...

This is soooo helpful thank you so very much. He's suddenly really into drawing and he's doing a ton of that. Math workbook is hardly happening, but he's doing some electronically at least. Same with grammar and phonics, though he is (on his own accord) reading a lot on his own lately, so that's been great. He does love to build, it was a helpful reminder to rotate his materials. Mostly, I'm just so relieved to not spend the day fighting...

Thanks for the suggestions! We play a ton of games, including barrier-type games (mostly making a structure and directing the other to make the same). I love the looks of Dixit, that one's new to me. I mentioned electronics bc he'd do it without a fight and without my constant attention. We do a ton together, but I also need time to work with the other kids. Ideally he'd do something useful, rather than torture the cat!