A friend of my daugher's tried to commit suicide last night

[PrincessMommy]

Could you pray please?

 

She came to me in tears.  He told her via texting and now he's trying to say it was no big deal.   DD called the suicide hotline, but the were no help.  She wanted advice on helping him and getting him to see someone.  They wanted to take statistical information.  Sigh.   

 

I told dd that I would pick him up and drive him to the hospital, but he's having none of it... saying it was nothing.  :crying:      My daughter has been at risk so I know to take this seriously.  He doesn't have much support - lives with his grandma... his mom lives in assist. living because of a drug overdose - his dad is estranged and on drugs.  It's all very sad and I've suspected for a long time that he was at risk for this.    DD says he's in some kind of group therapy and she's going to try and convince him to tell the leader.

 

Please pray he reaches out and tells the right people.

[unsinkable]

Praying.

 

I'm so, so sorry.

[Just Kate]

Praying.

[Starr]

So sad, so difficult. I'm praying for all of you.  :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Praying for all involved.

[GailV]

Praying for all involved.

[Joanne]

Praying.

But the appropriate response for a person contemplating suicide is to call 911.

[PrincessMommy]

Praying.

 

But the appropriate response for a person contemplating suicide is to call 911.

 

thank you.  I will pass that on to my daughter. 

[Heatherwith4]

Praying

[Sparkle]

Lord have mercy. I'm glad you're taking this seriously, PM.

[Catherine]

And thank goodness she came to you.

 

My 20 yo son, who was a college freshman at the time (this past spring) lost a close friend to suicide. He was the last person to have any contact with her. She told him her intention, he did what he believed was right, but she died. It has been a very, very difficult reality for him to live with. She was not troubled in the way you describe, but she was manic-depressive and she had attempted suicide twice before.

 

I wish that your daughter had more information on what to do in a situation like she faced with her friend. I hope she will continue to come to you and trust your handling of difficult situations. I am so glad her friend did not die. There is hope for him.

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug:  Praying for your daughter & her friend. :grouphug:

 

[wonderchica]

Do you think it would be appropriate to tell the grandmother he lives with?

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I hope your daughters friend finds help. She did good calling the crisis line, I am disappointed they weren't more help. Our local crisis line had a crisis team that show's up when someone is suicidal.  911 was always a good choice.

 

 

 

My personal rule is to call 911 anytime someone threatens suicide even if they haven't tried it.  Sad that such a rule for me is even necessary, but surprising how many people feel that low some point in their lives :(

[Artichoke]

Praying.

 

But the appropriate response for a person contemplating suicide is to call 911.

Praying here, too.

 

I hope everyone takes heed of this. It's not something I would have ever thought to do either until someone at our son's university committed suicide. A friend of the victim had called the local suicide hotline twice in one evening for help and only called campus security when the victim stopped communicating.

[QuirkyKapers]

Praying here. 

[JadeOrchidSong]

Praying for him and your daughter. It is so sad. I hope the friend will find help, support, and most of all, hope, despite all the darkness that surrounds him.

[trulycrabby]

Praying for your daughter and her friend.  :grouphug:

[AmandaVT]

Good for your daughter for calling the crisis line. I'm surprised and disappointed to hear they didn't do more! My husband works for the local mental health crisis team here and when they get a call like that, it's definitely taken seriously. She can call the local police to do a safety check on her friend if she's ever worried again. Check and see if you have a local community mental health center in your area. They usually have someone on call 2/47 that could talk to her friend or see him in the ER. I'll keep your daughter and her friend in my thoughts and prayers.

[myfunnybunch]

I don't know what's available in your community, but....

 

My daughter told her own counselor that she had a friend threatening suicide. The counselor called the police herself (regular line, since the threat was not immediate), who referred her to a local crisis intervention agency. Counselors from the crisis intervention agency visited the young man and his family.

 

Relying on a suicidal person to self-report can be risky. It might be worth a phone call to the police, or hospital, or family, or the young man's counselor to let them know he's in danger and find out what some of the community options are and who to call if he contacts your daughter again. Even if the police or hospital are not able to do something directly, they should know which community agencies could be helpful. It could also take some  of the burden off of your daughter's shoulders, knowing that there are others trying to help this young man stay safe.

 

:grouphug:  Praying for the young man and for your daughter. That's a big burden to carry.

 

Cat

[PrincessMommy]

Good for your daughter for calling the crisis line. I'm surprised and disappointed to hear they didn't do more! My husband works for the local mental health crisis team here and when they get a call like that, it's definitely taken seriously. She can call the local police to do a safety check on her friend if she's ever worried again. Check and see if you have a local community mental health center in your area. They usually have someone on call 2/47 that could talk to her friend or see him in the ER. I'll keep your daughter and her friend in my thoughts and prayers.

 

yeah, I was surprised and disappointed too.  My daughter was very unimpressed  - which makes me sadder because kids need to know there's a place to go if they're scared for their friends, KWIM??

 

Sadly, this has hit our house before.  One of her older sister's had a high school friend commit suicide in their junior year.  It was awful.   It came out of the blue (so I understand). He had never threatened it or anything.  But, there were problems at home and apparently he blamed his dad in his note.  It was a smallish Catholic high school, so all the kids knew each other, the family was the same size and similar ages as ours, and it was in the middle of the coldest winter in a while...  Yeah, it was just terrible awful.   How many ways can I say I don't want to go through this again? 

[DawnM]

I opened this only today because it is a trigger this week. A friend (not a close friend, but still) on FB lost her college age child to suicide just a few days ago. The funeral was yesterday.

 

It is very serious and should ALWAYS be taken seriously. I pray your DD's friend gets the help he needs.

[Alessandra]

I used to work (volunteer) for a teen crisis center. Perhaps you can find a good one, or try calling the same place again -- maybe you got the one bad person there? Or, maybe they have a policy of talking only to the person who is in trouble, not his/her friends, parents, etc. I am aware of hotlines like that.

 

At the center I worked for, there were a lot of resources -- lists of agencies and contacts, low cost treatment centers, names of individual police who were sympathetic (thinking more of drugs here). We even had maps of bus routes to help teens without transportation. I realize that crisis centers vary, but at our one, no one (even paid staff) did any ongoing counseling -- we were not trained for that. A lot of crisis centers have drop-in places, so you can check out material yourself; centers can also refer you to another center or agency that might have more expertise in your particular situation.

 

Btw, your dd deserves a lot of credit and so do you!

 

ETA This may seem obvious, but check out the colored pages in the front of your local phone book. There should be lists of emergency numbers.

 

Taking a kid not your own to a hospital could be problematic for a number of reasons, not he least of which is $$$$$$$.

[PrincessMommy]

I opened this only today because it is a trigger this week. A friend (not a close friend, but still) on FB lost her college age child to suicide just a few days ago. The funeral was yesterday.

 

It is very serious and should ALWAYS be taken seriously. I pray your DD's friend gets the help he needs.

 

I'm so sorry.  Even when you're on the periphery it's still very traumatizing. :grouphug:

[PrincessMommy]

I used to work (volunteer) for a teen crisis center. Perhaps you can find a good one, or try calling the same place again -- maybe you got the one bad person there? Or, maybe they have a policy of talking only to the person who is in trouble, not his/her friends, parents, etc. I am aware of hotlines like that.

 

At the center I worked for, there were a lot of resources -- lists of agencies and contacts, low cost treatment centers, names of individual police who were sympathetic (thinking more of drugs here). We even had maps of bus routes to help teens without transportation. I realize that crisis centers vary, but at our one, no one (even paid staff) did any ongoing counseling -- we were not trained for that. A lot of crisis centers have drop-in places, so you can check out material yourself; centers can also refer you to another center or agency that might have more expertise in your particular situation.

 

Btw, your dd deserves a lot of credit and so do you!

 

ETA This may seem obvious, but check out the colored pages in the front of your local phone book. There should be lists of emergency numbers.

 

Taking a kid not your own to a hospital could be problematic for a number of reasons, not he least of which is $$$$$$$.

 

Thanks for all this information.   I didn't really realize that taking him to the hospital would make me responsible financially.  Oh dear.  It was the National Suicide hotline we called.   I looked online for something more local since we live in a major metro area, but that was all I found.  Next time I'll dig deeper. 

 

I told dd last night to wake me up *no matter what* if he started texting her about it.    She didn't hear from him. 

[Alessandra]

Thanks for all this information.   I didn't really realize that taking him to the hospital would make me responsible financially.  Oh dear.  It was the National Suicide hotline we called.   I looked online for something more local since we live in a major metro area, but that was all I found.  Next time I'll dig deeper. 

 

I told dd last night to wake me up *no matter what* if he started texting her about it.    She didn't hear from him. 

 

Oh, I didn't mean that it would make you responsible financially. I meant that a parent/grandparent/guardian might not appreciate a multi-thousand dollar bill. But I doubt that the boy  (if he were a minor) could get treated at all unless you had written permission or unless police brought him in and so on....

 

There should be more than one resource -- teen hotlines, county agencies, etc. But many hotlines do not respond to calls from someone other than the affected person.  Does the boy's school start soon (if he is in school)? In our school system at least, there is an array of contacts. I went to a presentation and saw the flow chart with about 3 dozen different agencies/referrals that the school uses if a student is in a critical situation -- many of them were places I had never heard of. It was pretty impressive. So just saying that might be another resource to tap into.

[gardenmom5]

Could you pray please?

 

She came to me in tears.  He told her via texting and now he's trying to say it was no big deal.   DD called the suicide hotline, but the were no help.  She wanted advice on helping him and getting him to see someone.  They wanted to take statistical information.  Sigh.   

 

I told dd that I would pick him up and drive him to the hospital, but he's having none of it... saying it was nothing.  :crying:      My daughter has been at risk so I know to take this seriously.  He doesn't have much support - lives with his grandma... his mom lives in assist. living because of a drug overdose - his dad is estranged and on drugs.  It's all very sad and I've suspected for a long time that he was at risk for this.    DD says he's in some kind of group therapy and she's going to try and convince him to tell the leader.

 

Please pray he reaches out and tells the right people.

okay - I'm saying this as someone with a family member who routinely threatened (It *never* moved past threat.  there was never an actual attempt.) suicide as a teen as an attention ploy (with crises centers, police, mental health clinicians called each and every time), actually, she threatened as an adult a couple times too. by then for her, it was pure manipulative ploy. 

 

I also had an adult family member, who was under regular psychiatric care for depression, commit suicide withOUT saying anything to anyone before the successful attempt.

 

why did he call your dd? did he call anyone else?  did he give a method he was planning on using?  did he actually attempt anything (or just "threaten")?  will he allow your dd or a responsible adult to visit him now, after he has made these threats?  do you know where he is?

 

have you contacted whatever adult he lives with?  yes he needs to tell the group counsel leader, but don't count on him to do that. (even if it was just for attention.)  if you contact the police, it is possible to do a three-day hold depending upon your jurisdiction, and medical personnel would be able to do an assessment to determine how serious the threat is.

yes, threats should be taken seriously, but that doesn't rule out someone doing it for pure manipulation and/or attention seeking. (which should be determined by professionals.)

 

[StephanieZ]

I agree on calling 911. 

 

I would do it now, even though supposedly the crisis is passed. It probably has not passed. This may be the lull.

 

How would this impact your dd if he commits suicide later, next week, or whenever? Think about that as you ponder your options, and I would, for that reason among other obvious ones, err towards intervening.

 

Especially given his awful home life and lack of parental support, involving the authorities may be more helpful than not. 

 

(((hugs)))