My dh gave my son Cheerwine

[GSOchristie]

Our 6 year old has an extreme sensitivity to red dye, it makes him crazy. So my dh takes them to Cookout today and gets him a Cheerwine float. If you've never seen Cheerwine, it's dark red, so there's really no question in my mind. He gave it to him, then takes the time to Google it. My ds drank it for a few minutes before dh determined that it had red dye, so he takes it from him, and gives him a Coke float to replace it >.<. DS was completely out of control tonight, he couldn't even sleep because he was twitching. Really, I just don't get it, I am super vigilant about never, ever letting him have it because he is so awful, even if it means I have to go buy him a a Twix bar because he couldn't have cake at a birthday party. So now I'm on the fence about making ds write an apology letter to him teachers at church (yes, he was that awful, writing on people's name tags, running out in the hall, etc), he knows he can't have red things but kept drinking it because "it was so good.".

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would not have a child write apology letters for something that he could not control. I would write (or strongly suggest that dh write) letters to the teachers apologizing that your son was given something with red dye without making sure that it was safe for him beforehand.

[ZooRho]

I wouldn't make my 6 yo write an apology for that. Dad needs to be on board with this. This was a parental issue not a child issue this time. Yes use this to teach him he just can't have things EVEN if dad gives it to him.

[ZooRho]

double post

[GSOchristie]

My first thought (after I found out) was that dh needs to write the letter. Usually Asher is so good about not eating/drinking it because the reaction is so horrible. So I feel he has some culpability, but then again, he's six, and his dad handed him the drink. Sigh, I'm so embarrassed, I know he was completely out of control and made the teachers' lives a nightmare tonight.

[Dandelion]

I would not expect a 6 year old to turn down something given to him by his dad. Your DH should handle the follow-up with the teachers, and there should be no consequence for your DS IMO. We avoid dyes here too for the same reasons. I know how awful the fall-out can be. :grouphug:

[TechWife]

I simply don't think your child should be disciplined for his behavior if you believe it wasn't his fault. If want to discipline him for drinking it in the first place, that's another issue entirely.

[bolt.]

If anything, you could have him write a note more to the effect of 'I'm sad about...' Or 'I wish...' (Not an apology, but a self expression that acknowledges the problem.)

[ChristusG]

Maybe your DH should write it. :laugh: I have a six year old who isn't allowed to have food dyes (of any color) either. If her dad told her she could have some, she'd take it in a heartbeat. At six years old, I expect the parent to be the one in charge of what foods the child eats. I wouldn't blame the child.

[Crimson Wife]

If he knew that he was not supposed to have red foods/drinks but did it anyways, then I would discipline him for it. A six y.o. is old enough to remind dad of the rule IMHO (assuming no other Special Needs).

[GSOchristie]

Thanks for your input, I'm not going to make him write the note. Dh took them out then came back and picked dd and me up for church, so I didn't have a chance to notice his behavior. When I went to pick him up, the head teacher pulled me aside and told me how wild he'd been. I'm racking my brain the whole time she's talking trying to figure out what he possibly could have eaten, we don't keep anything in our house, and she said they hadn't given them anything to eat. Then I'm getting more and more irritated with ds thinking he was just acting obnoxious. When we got in the car dh told me about the Cheerwine and how he fixed it by giving him Coke. Seriously, who gives a six year old who has never had a caffeinated beverage Coke to chase Cheerwine?

[Catwoman]

My first thought (after I found out) was that dh needs to write the letter. Usually Asher is so good about not eating/drinking it because the reaction is so horrible. So I feel he has some culpability, but then again, he's six, and his dad handed him the drink. Sigh, I'm so embarrassed, I know he was completely out of control and made the teachers' lives a nightmare tonight.

 

If he's usually good about it, I think that's amazingly great -- he's only 6! :hurray:

 

In this case, I believe your dh is 100% at fault. A child should be able to trust that his own father won't give him anything harmful to eat or drink. He shouldn't need to feel that he has to keep a watchful eye on what is given to him by his own dad.

 

That said, your dh made an innocent mistake, but thankfully, it's not the end of the world. I wouldn't bother having anyone write a note -- I'd just be sure to explain to the teacher what happened the next time you see her.

[SKL]

Aww, he's just six. Make sure the teachers know that it was a chemical reaction and you (the parents) are sorry for their trouble. ... A similar thing happened to my 6yo when the school gave her a lot of pancake syrup in the morning and then sent her to her classes. I was then told that every teacher had been disgusted by her behavior that day, and she'd been punished and threatened at school. I had a mini fit because I have told them not to give her sugar and why. If adults can't be trusted to be careful, how can a 6yo child be held to a higher standard?

[Grover]

I think DH should be writing the letter / making the apologies. Poor Mr 6.

[Joker]

I don't think a six year old should have to be the responsible one. If I felt like my six year old needed to be the responsible one when out with a parent, I would have some thinking to do. Please don't discipline your ds for his dad's mistake. I think it was a good lesson for dad and he will probably be more careful in the future (at least I hope).

[Chris in VA]

Dh's responsibility.

No note, just a "sheepish chat."

These things happen, and most teachers have dealt with difficulties before.

Use it as a learning experience all around and move on.

[Tammyla]

Nodding my head in agreement with those who stated your dh is 100% responsible. He can apologize (in person) to the teachers, but your ds was just doing what his dad directed him to do.

[Parrothead]

Not the kid's fault. Your dh sounds clueless. It is time to educate him on what is healthy and what isn't. A dad who doesn't know his kid has never had caffeine needs help.

[Word Nerd]

I don't see why a written apology would be necessary as long as you apologized verbally when you picked him up (and I'm assuming you did). Mistakes were made, and it can be a learning opportunity for DH and DS.

[Soror]

I think dad is totally responsible. I do not agree at all that the 6 yo should know, adults frequently mess up food restrictions. It is really complicated by the fact that some juice is naturally red so I find it really unreasonable that a 6 yo is expected to differentiate between those that are naturally red and dyed so, especially considering your own dh had to look it up to find out. If an adult doesn't know by looking how in the world would the child know.

[Soror]

I think dad is totally responsible. I do not agree at all that the 6 yo should know, adults frequently mess up food restrictions. It is really complicated by the fact that some juice is naturally red so I find it really unreasonable that a 6 yo is expected to differentiate between those that are naturally red and dyed so, especially considering your own dh had to look it up to find out. If an adult doesn't know by looking how in the world would the child know.

[Kathryn]

100% your DH's fault. A 6yo should not be held responsible for refusing something that his father gives him.

[Guest submarines]

Our 6 year old has an extreme sensitivity to red dye, it makes him crazy. So my dh takes them to Cookout today and gets him a Cheerwine float. If you've never seen Cheerwine, it's dark red, so there's really no question in my mind. He gave it to him, then takes the time to Google it. My ds drank it for a few minutes before dh determined that it had red dye, so he takes it from him, and gives him a Coke float to replace it >.<. DS was completely out of control tonight, he couldn't even sleep because he was twitching. Really, I just don't get it, I am super vigilant about never, ever letting him have it because he is so awful, even if it means I have to go buy him a a Twix bar because he couldn't have cake at a birthday party. So now I'm on the fence about making ds write an apology letter to him teachers at church (yes, he was that awful, writing on people's name tags, running out in the hall, etc), he knows he can't have red things but kept drinking it because "it was so good.".

 

I don't follow your logic. You surely mean having your DH write an apology letter???

 

How is a 6 year old responsible for this, even if he "knows better?" Of course it was "good" and it was difficult to stop drinking it. He needs guidance and support, especially at 6, especially at social situations. Your DH was supposed to provide this guidance and support.

 

ETA: one of the only times I haven't read all the replies before posting, and it turns out I'm beating a dead horse. lol

[alef]

I think your husband was responsible, not your son. I would write an apology myself: "I am so sorry my son was out of control in church. He reacts badly to some food and accidentally ate something he shouldn't have the night before. We will try to be more careful in the future. Thank you for teaching him and let us know if there is anything we can do to help."

[Catwoman]

 

 

A six that cannot read is not expected to choose between 'ok' and 'not ok' red foods/drinks. He is to refuse all of them, i.e. err on the side of caution.

 

A six that can read may read the label and look for 'red dye 40' or 'yellow 5' and reject if either is present.

 

It is not something that all six year olds can handle; in the case of those that can't it is the caregiver's responsibility to keep the child safe.

 

 

I would agree with you if it was a family friend who gave him the drink, but it was his own father, and that changes everything. A child should be able to trust his own father, and not second guess his decisions. If his father said the drink was safe for him, I can't imagine that he would have believed otherwise, nor should he have thought to do it. The dad messed up big time. The kid's only mistake was in trusting that his own father -- and I didn't get the impression that this sort of thing has happened in the past, so why wouldn't the kid trust him without question?

[Soror]

I agree with Cat. I do not expect my 6yo to have to make sure daddy doesn't mess up, it is inconceivable to me that the 6 yo kid is expected to be more responsible than their parent. I can understand no red drinks period from anyone but this wasn't just anyone. It wasn't as if he even went to pick it out himself it was given to him by his own parent. We have food issues here and they have to learn what is safe by asking dh and I, we are expected to be the teachers. They don't accept things without asking, including my 3yo, but they believe their dad and I when we give them something and tell them that is safe, as I would expect them to do.

[celticmom]

My dd8 has a similiar reaction to wheat and while I have had to live with allergies and food sensitivities all my life my dh is less familiar with such issues. Since dd8 was diagnosed less than 6 months ago she could already read well so I immediately began to teach her how to read labels. Dh was caring for her at an overnight event while I went home to take care of the animals. Someone offered dd8 food(other than what we had brought) and she explained that she could not eat wheat and asked to see the label before she would eat what was offered. I found out later from the person who had offered her food and was favorably impressed that dd knew how to read labels.

 

I would not punish your son but I would either teach him how to read labels or the correct questions to ask of someone who can check the labels. In dd's case, I believe the ability to read labels and keep herself from feeling bad is very empowering.

 

Edited to correct a misspelled word.

[SKL]

My dd is 6 and she reacts to foods; so she constantly hears me saying she can't have this and that. She feels deprived. When I say "yes" or give her a treat, she gets all the more excited and views it as an act of mommy love. I do expect her to have some responsibility to consider whether she's being offered a food she should avoid - if the source is someone other than me. But a parent is different. I don't expect my kid to distrust anything I do or suggest for her. Parents do lots of things kids shouldn't trust anyone else to do. It's healthy at age 6 for them to trust their parents almost without question. ... Now, maybe the child did give this a moment of thought, and if he were deathly allergic, might have reminded Dad. But we're talking about a sensitivity that affects behavior (makes the kid feel/act drunk?). And the drink was dark red, not bright red. And not everything is black and white. It would not be naughty for the kid to think, "This looks reddish, but maybe it's just a little red and it's a party after all, so Dad must be relaxing the rule a little."

[Tammyla]

Just wanted to add after pondering this; I have a problem serving children Cheerwine.

[GSOchristie]

The really interesting part is this is the second time this has come up at church in the past month, and this is a new church for us. The second Sunday we were there the teacher asked me if he had an allergy to red dye, because they served Rice Krispie treats with jelly beans on them. Asher told her he couldn't have anything with food coloring in it. DH had failed to note the allergy on the card when he registered him. So this lady probably thinks we're crazy, first we don't tell her about the allergy, then we give him the allergen and send him into her care to act like a maniac. I already get the vibe she doesn't particularly enjoy active little boys, but perhaps I am reading her wrong. We have been at our old church since Asher was tiny so they all know him and about the red dye, so I never felt so uncomfortable about his behavior, and he's not that crazy without dye. We started going at the same time two other families with 6 boys between them, so we added 8 little boys to their children's program the program in the blink of an eye, 8 little boys that were already friends and are very much active little boys. So anyway, I am already sensitive, with actual reason or not. I apologized to her and told her I would handle it, this was before I knew the whole story from dh.

 

DH is just not very aware of what goes on in the food/drink category, or he doesn't see the real problem, or ??? He thought "just a sip while he checked" wouldn't be enough to cause a problem, but by the time he had figured it out, Asher had drunk a quarter of the drink. He "never thought about the caffeine and sugar". We talked about the reason we hardly ever eat sugar, which he knows, but apparently needed a refresher course. He doesn't regularly feed them apart from me, but I feel this is no excuse for lack of vigilance since he's seen firsthand the effects of a pop tart. Anyway, he is going to talk to her and explain next week. I talked to Asher this morning when he was rational again about how yucky it feels to be that out of control, and if he knew he knew not to drink it (which he said he did because it was pink), and how we have to be careful because his choice affected not only him, but his teachers and the other students in the class, as well.

 

Thanks for all the advice!

[stripe]

I do not think a six year old should be responsible to overrule a parent about what is healthy for him to eat.

 

My kids, including one with a food allergy, assume anything their parents or grandparents give them is fine to eat.

[AHASRADA]

Had to google Cheerwine, as I'd never heard of it. Apparently it is a long-standing, very popular drink in North Carolina and surrounding area, famous for its "deep red wine-color and cherry flavor".

 

Why, of all the drinks he could have chosen, did dad buy a deep red drink for the red dye sensitive ds??!! Why didn't he "check" before buying and handing the kid the drink?! Sound like he just wasn't thinking at all and scrambled to back-track.

 

Educating dad, while reminding ds not to ingest red food given to him by anyone, even his dad (sadly), seems like the only solution until dad can prove himself competent.