Changing your given name

[Night Elf]

Has anyone changed from using their first name to their middle name, or vice versa? Beth is my middle name and my teachers always started calling me by my first name until they got used to my 'nickname'. So now my dd15 doesn't want to use her first name anymore. She really prefers a shortened version of her middle name. She thinks she can get friends to make the change but she isn't sure how her teachers will feel. She's going to start it this summer and enter 10th grade with her new name. But she'll have 3 of the same teachers. Personally, I think it's going to be a big mess. But she is very clear and determined.

 

My DH had a cousin who was wishy washy between her first and middle names until she finally just insisted people call her by both, sort of like Peggy Sue.

 

How much of a problem might this be? She already has a few friends who have made the switch just because they know that is what she wants to be called. I just sense mass confusion.

[Lawana]

My son goes by his initials. We actually intended his given name to be his initials, but gave him names to go with them;-) Now that he is in public school, he is facing situations where he is called b his actual first name. He doesn't relate at all to his given names, so even though he knows his name, it doesn't immediately register.

 

That probably doesn't help you any.

 

If she wants it badly enough, let her do the sorting out required.

[Ghee]

I think it may be a mess, but probably not the end of the world. I'd let her work it out.

[Tap]

Is she open to allowing people to call her either name? It has worked ok for dd14 to use both.

 

DD14's first name is an uncommon feminine 4 syllable name that starts with a 'c.' Her middle is 2 syllables and starts with an 'L'. Her middle name is the male spelling of a common neutral name, so it is a bit more 'unique'.

 

Little kids struggle with saying her first name so in 4th-5th grade or so, she just started going by her middle name at church camp she was helping at one summer. Since the kids knew her by one name (from camp) and the adults knew her by another, there were times it led to minor confusion, but for the most part it hasn't really been a big deal. She just needed to let the adults know what was going on, and that was it.

 

When she started into middle school, she chose to continue going by 'L' full time. When she started using it more commonly and officially (on school records etc) she and I struck a deal. If she wants to go by 'L' all the time it is fine, but she has to allow those who know her as 'C' to still call her that. Basically, she is accepting the fact that she is introducing a second name into the mix, so she needs to allow people the grace to call her as they know her. She was totally fine with that and it has never been a problem since.

 

The family, neighborhood friends, people who knew her when she was little ...all caller her 'C'.

Her school mates and people who know her after middle school....all call her 'L'.

I am the only one who calls her both. LOL I actually find myself mixing it up mid-sentence when I am talking about her. LOL I sometimes have to clarify to people that she uses both names, but honestly after just once, they get it and seem fine with it.

 

I have been pretty surprised that her neighborhood friends haven't adapted the new name, but they have all stuck with 'C'.

 

When I fill out forms I put her name like this First "Middle" Last. That seems to make it pretty clear to most people that she goes by the middle name as a nick name, so rosters at school are usually under her middle name.

[Tita Gidge]

I didn't officially change my name, but in high school I did take on an American name that resembled nothing similar to my given name. And then still later I further abbreviated my American given name. So people call me one of three names, and I'll answer to any of them :) it can sometimes get crazy when my worlds colllide, but it's no big deal and (IMO) worth the occasional hassle to go by the names I prefer to go by in my respective worlds.

 

I wasn't the first of my siblings to take an American name, so I knew going in that not everyone would transition right away. It took some people awhile to break the habit and feel comfortable (or even instinctual) about using my new name. I didn't take it personally, and that helped. Change is hard for some people! As long as she knows that going in, especially for teachers, she'll be fine and able to handle the mess that entails. I commend her for rising to the challenge, and not letting the potential mess deter her :) Eventually everyone came around, the only exceptions being my parents and their friends, who still call me by my given name LOL.

[milovany]

Personally, I think it's going to be a big mess. But she is very clear and determined.

 

When we converted to Orthodoxy in 2010, we all received patron saints at baptism and it's traditional to have these names used by the priest as he's serving the Eucharist at church. In some places, these names are even used as "new" first names in everyday life (or at least by other parishioners). All nine of us in our family now have two different first names that we go by. Some people call me by my given (at birth) name and some people call me by my Christian name. For me, it's harder to make an almost complete switch because of all the legality issues, so I continue going by both. I guess our kids have the same issue. Most of them prefer to be called by their Christian names. This has actually been difficult for me as I love their given names, too, but we did let them choose and so they did.

 

I'd say I use their two names 50/50 at home. It's just part of our life now. They will introduce themselves to new acquaintances with their Christian names. With people who knew them before, they will answer to either of course. For example, I don't expect my family or my dh's family to learn the names and call the kids by those.

 

I'm rambling. I'm basically trying to say let your daughter proceed with her determined decision but at the same time, she can realize not everyone will easily make the switch and she can be gracious with that, too. Over time, it will eventually work out and she'll likely be called by the new name.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I did between middle school and high school (a natural transition). It took my old friends a tad bit to catch on (and some of them never did catch on, lol). I was moving from a shortened version of my name to my full first name though so that was easier (for example, moving from Charlie to Charlotte). When the teachers called on me the first day of class, I simply didn't correct them or change it but instead just had them call me by my full first name. I think it would be more difficult to move from the "real" name to a nickname or middle name though. Maybe she could wait until college?

[Ottakee]

I don't see a problem with her trying that out.

 

I would just make sure that she knows on any legal type paperwork to use her legal name (unless she legally changes it) to help avoid problems when she tries to get a job and her name/SS#/birth certificate, etc. don't match up. Same for medical/insurance stuff.

[Mom in High Heels]

I have always gone by my middle name. My parents knew they were going to call me that, so why they didn't just use that as my first name is beyond me. Anyhoo, when I'm somewhere where they call me by my first name (like a doctor's office), it frequently takes me a moment or two to realize they're calling ME. After James Bond and I got married and they called me by my first name AND a different last name than I was used to, I never responded, until they'd called me several times. Of course I always felt like an idiot.

 

I think it will be difficult at first, but if she uses it consistently, she'll eventually get used to it.

[Plink]

As long as she is okay wityh politely correcting people for years, she will be fine. The transition takes time, and people forget even when they want to honor the new name. Patience it key.

[DragonFaerie]

My daughter has decided that she wants to start going by "Max" next school year (she's a fan of the Maximum Ride series; LOL). That is nothing like her first name. Not remotely close to her middle name. Nothing like our last name. It's completely out of the blue. No idea how it will work out.

 

On a more helpful note, I tried changing my name in 6th grade. I wanted to go by my middle name. It didn't work out for me. Too many people already knew me by my first name, and I eventually gave up.

[laughing lioness]

My mom NEVER used her given name- always only a nickname. She was VERY insistant about NOT being called by her given name by every. She legally changed it in her 40's and totally got rid of her middle name (she really hated her given name).

[lavender's green]

I knew a Dirk Cornelius who went by Corey until high school when he changed it to Dirk. I think it went about as smoothly as these things can go, but I think it helped that he did it during the middle-high school transition and our class size was so large that you could go a couple of years without seeing someone who used to be in all your classes. He just said very firmly that his name was Dirk now and didn't get into long-winded explanations about it, and people got used to it. I think he had done a lot of thinking about how he didn't want to go through life with the kiddish name Corey and that made him very sure of himself and made it easier for others to accept.

[KrissiK]

I think it may be a mess, but probably not the end of the world. I'd let her work it out.

I agree. I had a similar problem. My first name is Kristen, but my parents and family always called me Kristi. I started school and was Kristen. But then in jr. High a teacher started calling me Kris and I went by that through hs. Then back to Kristen in college. Now you can tell which era a person in my life belongs to by what they call me. My preference? I prefer Kristi, but it is hard to get people to change, so I just answer to all three and let it go. I can't stand Kris, though.

[Julie Smith]

I started using my middle name when I was about 4. Supposedly I just totally ignored people who used my first name and said "She didn't live here anymore." So I can't really help with the adjustment people for someone older.

 

But it can be a pain still. I never officially changed it and now some of my documents use my middle name, others my first name. This means I usually have to have them try finding me under one name then the other.

 

For example at the library I forgot my card. So they searched for my name I use all the time, "Julie Smith" and when they couldn't find me I had them look under "Dawn Smith" and Volia I was found.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, as you may remember, my son changed his name completely (not part of another part of his name) almost three years ago. We legally changed it a few months ago. It was a bit of an adjustment for people who knew him awhile. Having a good reason definitely helped. But mostly, it just took time. I think I've only heard him called his original name once in the last year though.

 

Well, goodness, as I wrote that, I also realized all three of my littles changed their names this year! Of course, that was related to adoption and such. But people had known them by their birth names when they were our foster kids. At adoption, we planned to call the one boy by his new initials and dd was going back and forth though had chosen her new first name for gymnastics. We were going to keep the youngest's name, other than the spelling. After adoption, he wanted a "new adopted name" too. So we used a nickname for his middle name. Anyway, so all three changed their names in July last year.

 

And now....my oldest is talking about going by her middle name. You'd think she'd know what a pain going by a middle name is since her brothers constantly have to correct people (like doctors and such). I'm not very keen on it myself. Obviously, at 20, she just deserves to be respected though. We'll see. I'm hoping she never puts forth the effort to do it.

[Parrothead]

I have not done it officially, but most people know me as some variation of Chuck or Chucki. Dh hates it, but I despise my given name and the stupid nickname variation my dad came up with. It isn't even a real word.'

[KungFuPanda]

I don't think it'll be a big mess or a big deal. Teachers are used to kids experimenting with their identity and this includes trying on nicknames.

 

My daughter answers to 3 different names. Her family and her parents' friends use one nickname, her school friends and teachers use another, and strangers or aquaintances use her real name.

 

It's what kids do.

 

 

[Tap]

My daughter has decided that she wants to start going by "Max" next school year (she's a fan of the Maximum Ride series; LOL). That is nothing like her first name. Not remotely close to her middle name. Nothing like our last name. It's completely out of the blue. No idea how it will work out.

 

On a more helpful note, I tried changing my name in 6th grade. I wanted to go by my middle name. It didn't work out for me. Too many people already knew me by my first name, and I eventually gave up.

 

 

DD6 has a birth name I don't like. We gave her a new first name that fit with our family better, but we never changed it legally. She only answers to the new name but knows both. When I fill out paper work, I use her legal name. It isn't as big of a hassle as I thought it was going to be. We have only had one problem in 6 years. She went to a jump house place with a friend and they couldn't find her liablitly release that was stored in their system becuase she gave them our last name (not the same as hers), with her 'nick name'. She said she didn't think to give them her other name. LOL. It was under her legal names. Since then, I periodically ask her what her other names are just to keep them fresh in her mind.

[Murphy101]

It's not that unusual. I was called by nickname until I decided to use my given name. Teachers had no problem adapting. I'm sure it isn't that unusual.

[Murphy101]

I'd totally change my name. I simply lack the slightest devious abilities or creativity to come up with even a nom de plume, much less a complete name change.

 

I can think of lots of names I really like, but none that seem more me. :(

 

But if I ever do, I'm heading to the courthouse and changing it! :)

[GSOchristie]

Piper's middle name is Olivia. I haved loved the name Piper since...forever, but when she was born, she simply did not look like a Piper. I pictured dark hair and eyes (like Jackson), but she was blond and so, so fair. Too bad because I had many, many monogrammed/personalized items :). So I called her Piper Livvie from birth. Only at about three months, I dropped Piper completely and called her Livvie or Liv. Now the only time anyone in our immediate family calls her Piper is when she's in trouble. If you ask her what her name is, she'll tell you "Wibbie!" or "Wiva" because her brothers call her Livia. We put Piper when we fill out paperwork, so she is called Piper by her teachers/sitter, but our close friends call her Livvie.

[Night Elf]

I go by my middle name as well, but it's been that way since birth. I stopped saying it to teachers when I was in college because no one knew me anyway and it was nice to have a new name. I've already had to transition calling dd from her full given name to her chosen nickname. And now the reason for the post is that she wants to use the nickname version of her middle name. I did tell her to expect not everyone to transition and she seemed okay with that. But because it's important to her, I'm going to call her what she chooses. It's just so weird when I had her name in mind even before I got pregnant with her. Ah well. From your posts, it doesn't seem as uncommon as I thought. I'll tell her to give it a try.

[milovany]

It's just so weird when I had her name in mind even before I got pregnant with her. Ah well. From your posts, it doesn't seem as uncommon as I thought. I'll tell her to give it a try.

 

I literally cried the night I realized my kids would likely be going by their Christian names from that point on, when possible. Choosing their given names was such a labor of love for me (times seven) and I love them all. They each have their story, both first and middle, and they flow well together. Oh, well! It's their name. I don't know yet if we'll try to change them legally; maybe we'll just have their middle names changed.

[nmoira]

I shifted to using my middle name when I was 17 lor 18. There were a few embarrassing incidences of my introducing myself by my first name, "I'm ______. Ah, no, I mean Moira.: :)

 

I use my first initial on all financial and legal and other official documents to avoid undue confusion.

[Tammyla]

I don't see a problem with it. Lots of people have legal names, but people who know them call them something else.

[momofkhm]

How much of a problem might this be? She already has a few friends who have made the switch just because they know that is what she wants to be called. I just sense mass confusion.

 

 

 

Not the same but similar. My dd18 has a long name. As soon as she was born, I made it a cute diminutive, think Peggy for Margaret. But now that she's 18, she wants a diminutive that isn't cute. Think Peg for Margaret. The old friends still call her the cute one, Peggy. The new friends call her the not cute one, Peg. She answers to both, including all the nicknames dh and I call her. There are a couple old friends who call her the new one, but not many.

 

I think as long as she is willing to be called both, it will be fine.

 

BTW, dd's name is not Margaret, Peggy or Peg. It is just an example.