I was referred to as one of " the old women" this weekend.

[KatieJ]

I was at a weekend retreat for scrapbooking this past weekend. One of the younger women referred to our table as the "old women's" group.

 

Sheesh. Only one of the 6 of us is over 60. I was appalled and still am two days later.

[Orthodox6]

I do not know what age you are. I am about to turn 58 and the remark would not have bothered me unless the speaker was derisive in her opinions about old age. (Then, of course, her manners were insufferable.) I no longer consider myself young, and barely qualify for "middle-aged".

[J-rap]

Probably if the over-60 person wasn't at your table, she wouldn't have said that. :)

[Starr]

She'll be at that table soon enough. lol

[KatieJ]

I turned 58 last summer. We were at a crop where the tradition is to get up do the YMCA at some point during the weekend. The song came on the play list and our consultant was upstairs in the kitchen cleaning up dinner dishes.

So 2 of us got up and started the dance as if our consultant had been in the room because is just what we do!

Not everyone gets up, no big deal. I have certainly not got up and did the moves every single time the song comes on over that last 12 years of cropping with this group.

 

The woman's comment was made later to our consultant. She said she was embarassed that the young women didn't all get up but " the old women" did.

 

It was just kind of a shock to be referred to that way. I am fully aware of that fact that the older you get your perception of older changes.

 

:glare:

[Remudamom]

Shake it off. You are the age that you are and who cares how someone else interprets that. There are better things to be appalled about.

[Rebecca VA]

It was thoughtless and unkind, but probably not deliberately malicious. I remember the days when anyone over 40 seemed old to me. Actually, anyone more than a year or two older than I am has always seemed old and decrepit.

 

It sounds as though she was trying to compliment the ladies at your table and made a mess out of it.

[StartingOver]

In my 20's I knew everything. In my 30's wasn't so sure. In my 40's now, I don't know much at all. I leave that to my 20 somethings. :-)

 

Our perception of age changes, I easily forgive those who aren't here yet. They will be here soon enough.

[KatieJ]

To be clear, I was appalled that she said it, and I was appalled that it was almost ( only almost) appropriate.

We are some of the oldest women in the room..it was just to hear it put that way was kind of a shock.

I think of "old women" as well, over 80 , 90 maybe..not 55 - 58. :huh:

[Orthodox6]

My actual practice is to consider myself (and women, say ages 55-70) as "the older women." Ages 70+ I think of as old. (More accurately, I think of them as blessed to have attained old age!)

[Tammyla]

I wouldn't want it to bother me, but it was rude.

[StartingOver]

To be clear, I was appalled that she said it, and I was appalled that it was almost ( only almost) appropriate.

We are some of the oldest women in the room..it was just to hear it put that way was kind of a shock.

I think of "old women" as well, over 80 , 90 maybe..not 55 - 58. :huh:

 

I teach my children to call older ( and I am older, mid older ), Miss Mazel, or Miss Shannon!! Those in their 70+ really love it. Most even younger appreciate it. I almost died when my son, then 4, called someone old. I would be upset if my children of any age said something like that. My 20 year old children think I am ancient and often ask if I traveled in covered wagons, or lived with dinosaurs. Grrrrrrr Yeah, it is the age.

 

Was this person in her 20's? ;-)

 

I have the most trouble with someone assuming that I am my youngest children's grandmother. I have grand children, I admit. But really err on the side of making me feel I am young. LOL That would be much nicer.

[HRAAB]

I'm 52. It is what it is. If the person was being derogatory,that would be offensive. Otherwise, yeah, I am always one of the older ones if not the oldest. It's all okay.

[Myra]

_{I wouldn't have minded at all, but I would have preferred "older women" as opposed to "old women" -}

_{I am getting more liberal-minded about being classified as an elder in the group - I'm 56 and my hair just drastically started turning gray. I may feel young in mind and spirit, but the body is definitely not cooperating!}

 

 

_Myra

[JudoMom]

I understand. I was referred to as middle aged recently. I was shocked :lol:!

[SKL]

Feel free to correct young people by introducing them to more appropriate terminology. You are old enough to have earned that right. ;)

[GSOchristie]

At our small group last week a guy who is a newly married 23 yo was lamenting the fact that he just didn't know how to relate to "40 year olds with a family". I was like, seriously dude, I am 36 and I'm sure we could find something to talk about. He acted like anyone over 40 was just totally ancient :/.

[Dandelion]

It was rude, but it doesn't sound like she meant it to be rude. Unfortunate phrasing on her part. If it happens again, smile and give the person an acceptable replacement word. "I think you meant to say the *wise* women's group." ;)

[Remudamom]

Bwhaha! I still travel in a wagon. Mostly uncovered.

[linders]

"Old" is 25 years older than me. I like having a moving target.

[Lisa in SC]

I'll turn 44 later this week. Recently, some of my children were shocked to learn that our family didn't get cable television until I was in the sixth grade. It really blows their minds when I haul out an old, black rotary telephone and ask them if they can figure out how to dial it. It confounds them. "Where are the buttons??" Lol. They have no idea how dh and I functioned through our teen and early adult years with no cell phones or home computers. "You typed your papers on an electric typewriter??" "How did you plan things with only a telephone??"

 

So, I suppose I'm old. However, I don't feel old, I don't act old, and i don't look old so, for me, it boils down to....age is just a number. Being thought of as "old" doesn't bother me a bit. I can converse easily, and have at least a bit in common with all ages. Rudeness, however, is never acceptable, and I agree with others that you should take the opportunity to educate. I probably would've said something like, "well, remember, with age, comes wisdom." ;)

[butterflymommy]

I sometimes post over on babycenter.com . That board skews heavily late teens to very early 30s. Anyone older than 35 is considered a dinosaur.

 

Once a woman in her 40s joined a birth club and the younger moms were so horrified that she would have a baby at her age, that they in all seriousness urged her to give the baby up for adoption.

 

So I guess to a young 20 something, anyone over 40 might as well be 100.

[Orthodox6]

Once a woman in her 40s joined a birth club and the younger moms were so horrified that she would have a baby at her age, that they in all seriousness urged her to give the baby up for adoption.

 

 

Now THAT is so offensive that the quote referenced in the original post pales into invisibility.

 

I had my last living child at age 43.

 

[EDIT]: P.S. My father-in-law was 63 when my husband was born. What kind of stupid nonsense would those women have come up with for him?!

[Mrs Mungo]

You have grandbabies, right? I'm sure that's old to a 20 year old. My eldest is taking her driving test right now. I'm sure *I* am old to a 20 year old and I'm only 40.

 

Once a woman in her 40s joined a birth club and the younger moms were so horrified that she would have a baby at her age, that they in all seriousness urged her to give the baby up for adoption.

 

 

That is crazy. What the heck is wrong with people?

[Miss Marple]

To be clear, I was appalled that she said it, and I was appalled that it was almost ( only almost) appropriate.

We are some of the oldest women in the room..it was just to hear it put that way was kind of a shock.

I think of "old women" as well, over 80 , 90 maybe..not 55 - 58. :huh:

 

LOL! The "old women" always seem to be older than whatever age I'm at :) There are some times I feel like a 28 year old locked in a 50 year old body.

[KatieJ]

You have grandbabies, right? I'm sure that's old to a 20 year old. My eldest is taking her driving test right now. I'm sure *I* am old to a 20 year old and I'm only 40.

 

 

 

 

I have lots of Grandbabies and gray hair, but I do think the woman who said it was older than my oldest daughter, which puts her much closer to 40 than 20. That's probably why it hit us all so strongly. All of us, not just me.

[kitten18]

_{I wouldn't have minded at all, but I would have preferred "older women" as opposed to "old women" -}

_{I am getting more liberal-minded about being classified as an elder in the group - I'm 56 and my hair just drastically started turning gray. I may feel young in mind and spirit, but the body is definitely not cooperating!}

 

 

_Myra

 

I agree. If she said "younger women" and "older women" it would have really softened the comment.

[indigomama]

You are older than my mom, and I think of my mom as old. Maybe, that's what she was thinking. Most people think of their parents are old, and if you are her parent's age...

 

I'm sure it wasn't intended as a slight.

[sparrow]

The woman was much closer to 40 than 20. That's probably why it hit us all so strong.

 

 

Ah. She's just trying to make *herself* feel better.

[LaxMom]

One of my coworkers indicated that women over 40 are cougars (he was describing a dating bell curve) and when I gave him grief about it, he modified and now insists that I am just "cougar aged".

 

Since he is still "cougar-bait aged", I have assured him that I will try to gather whatever self-control I have left in these advanced years so he can feel safe. I'm not trying to keep the filter, though. :lol:

[Outdoorsy Type]

Maybe she was making a joke, but fell into socially awkward territory.

[Lucy]

When we joined our church, at age 28, there were only a handful of families. Over the next five years, the church exploded and everyone was my age or younger. Now we only see growth in the college age group and very young families. I am 38 years old and we are referred to as the "old married" group. The new moms are always asking for parenting advice, but only from other first time moms. Doesn't matter that in our group, we've not only done this four-six times already but we are all still adding to our families. I may look "old" to you, but I'm still in the baby stage of motherhood! A good friend of mine at church is only about 8 years younger than me, but she told me the other day how nice it is to have an "old" friend who can give her a longer life perspective! I was viewing us as equals - she was viewing me as an elder! :)

[Mrs Mungo]

I have lots of Grandbabies and gray hair, but I do think the woman who said it was older than my oldest daughter, which puts her much closer to 40 than 20. That's probably why it hit us all so strongly. All of us, not just me.

 

Ah, I see. Personally, I try to think the best of people. So, I'd chalk it up to her being socially awkward instead of catty. Sort of like when people cut me off in traffic, I assume they have explosive diarrhea. It makes me feel better, even if it doesn't *actually* make them less of a jerk. kwim?

 

eta: My mom is just 60. I had a friend whose youngest dd the same age as my middle dd. She was griping at church one day about people my age calling her mom because she was WAY too young to be their mom. I was like, "uh, you are older then my mom." It just really had not occurred to her that she really was that much older than most of us with kids in that age bracket.

[SKL]

 

Once a woman in her 40s joined a birth club and the younger moms were so horrified that she would have a baby at her age, that they in all seriousness urged her to give the baby up for adoption.

 

So I guess to a young 20 something, anyone over 40 might as well be 100.

 

Weird. I was 40 when I adopted my kids, and there are lots more like me out there. (Many older.)

 

Funny thing, I'm having a hard time convincing my kids that I'm old enough to be a granny. ;)

 

I was talking to another mom at gymnastics the other day. I mentioned that I was 46 and she made me say it again, LOL. And no, I do not look particularly young for my age. I just think some folks assume life ends around that 40-year mark. Boy, are they in for a surprise.

[SKL]

I used to talk about myself getting old, and my friend, who is my dad's age (24 yrs my senior), would act affronted (mostly in jest). Well, nowadays she is starting to talk about me getting old. That oughta tell me something . . . .

[StartingOver]

I have lots of Grandbabies and gray hair, but I do think the woman who said it was older than my oldest daughter, which puts her much closer to 40 than 20. That's probably why it hit us all so strongly. All of us, not just me.

 

 

Wow and you didn't slap her mentally? I am proud of you, I would not have been able to not say something.

[KatieJ]

Ah, I see. Personally, I try to think the best of people. So, I'd chalk it up to her being socially awkward instead of catty. Sort of like when people cut me off in traffic, I assume they have explosive diarrhea. It makes me feel better, even if it doesn't *actually* make them less of a jerk. kwim?

 

 

 

Spit out my water at the explosive diarrhea comment!

Thanks. I feel better.

[Lucy]

Me too! Love the diarrhea comment! Hilariously gracious to the guy who cut you off...

[MomatHWTK]

I prefer to be associated with the older women. I probably offend the women my age and younger when I refer to them as "kids" because they just have no life experience. :glare: