kiwik Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I have just looked after a 6 year old school friend of my sons for two days. He is a sweet boy and he has been no trouble BUT it is clear from his conversation that he has watched and listened to a lot of stuff my son hasn't been exposed to. I am noticing more and more that my idea of what is appropriate for a five or six year old differs markedly from even people who go to church with me. Zombie computer games, harry potter movies (all of them), obscene and/or sexually explicit songs, comedies meant for adults etc. Am I just being unreasonable? I forgot the point - I really am worried about sending him to other people's houses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You're not unreasonable. Some of the things you list I consider OK for ds6, others not. In terms of sending him to other people's houses, it really is OK to simply say, for example, 'We don't allow video games - will this be a problem?' and decide accordingly whether to allow the play date. I personally don't think occasional exposure is likely to damage my child, so I might not say anything unless I am sure there will be an issue, or if there was an issue at a previous play date. Where my choices differ from my friends', I am usually upfront about it, and I trust them to take that into account when they invite my son over. I have a 12 year old too, and this approach seems to have worked. She knows 'what's out there' and why I make the choices I do about what to expose them to - now it will increasingly be up to her to make her own choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 I forgot to mention he is quite sensitive. He was scared of the grumpy old troll in dora until held was nearly five and has only recently been able to cope with the 3 Billy goats gruff. He is also very bright and tends to notice and question things you hoped he had missed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I have just looked after a 6 year old school friend of my sons for two days. He is a sweet boy and he has been no trouble BUT it is clear from his conversation that he has watched and listened to a lot of stuff my son hasn't been exposed to. I am noticing more and more that my idea of what is appropriate for a five or six year old differs markedly from even people who go to church with me. Zombie computer games, harry potter movies (all of them), obscene and/or sexually explicit songs, comedies meant for adults etc. Am I just being unreasonable? I forgot the point - I really am worried about sending him to other people's houses. It depends on what you consider to be obscene or sexually explicit. Personally, I think that a 6 year old is old enough to watch the earlier Harry Potter movies. For your child, though, only you can determine that. Only YOU can determine what you consider to be appropriate for your child, and don't let anyone change your mind!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 It depends on what you consider to be obscene or sexually explicit. Personally, I think that a 6 year old is old enough to watch the earlier Harry Potter movies. For your child, though, only you can determine that. Only YOU can determine what you consider to be appropriate for your child, and don't let anyone change your mind!! Yes this. As an aside, my six year old has watched the first two HP movies with no problem. I simply required she read the books first. Zombies are also big around here, but only in make believe play. Neither child has ever seen a movie or video game one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Ah, welcome to a new phase of parenting. It's a balance. You'll have to figure out, sometimes through trial and error, what you are comfortable with and whose house you'll let him play at. Just remember it can sometimes be a good thing for him to have experiences you'd wouldn't let him have at home. It's an opportunity for discussion and growth. Sometimes I've quietly ended friendships with families who just allowed way too much, and other times I've been grateful for the "push" to let up a bit. It comes with the territory of having friends and playing more and more away from Mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You just have to let them know what you allow, and what you don't. Make sure your kid knows to say something if a friend suggests watching something, or playing something he isn't allowed to do. We are huge HP fans, but one of my girls' best friends isn't allowed HP. If I have a doubt, I call her mom and ask. I recently called to ask about "Second Hand Lions", because I wasn't sure about the bit of violence or language, even though it's a PG-13 movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 For us, it is because of the older sibling. For instance, my older child did not know of many of those things until he was much older. But now he is 10 and has introduced it to his sibling. Ds6 is much less sensitive also (probably b/c he grew up hearing these things :p) FWIW, when we have kids over they come to play. Not to watch TV, movies, or play video games. That doesn't mean my kids won't talk about them though. I haven't had too many instances where I drop my 6 year old off though. Mostly I stay there until I know the family pretty well. It always makes me feel kinda bad though when my kids play zombies with my sister's kids. Everyone is having fun, but I feel like mine are such a bad influence, like they just introduced some darkness into their lives. SHe said it is fine, since hers are all fairies and princess, it is good to have a little darkness LOL. I love my sis! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 One thing to keep in mind is that not all zombie computer games are created equal. For instance, Minecraft has zombies and other creatures, but they are zero-gore versions, made of cubes, absolutely unrealistic and I think a 6 yr old would be fine with that even though they are called zombies. Far cry from, say, Resident Evil which is very gore-oriented. That said, I think if you are upfront with the other family about what is okay for your child and what is not okay, hopefully they'll respect that and you can rest easily. I know that when we have visitors over, I consider what the guidelines are for the guest and those are the guidelines for the day. With a wide range of ages in my home (15, 12 and 8), the youngest has been exposed to things that his brothers, at his age, hadn't seen. But if we have a guest, I defer to those rules (and we generally don't allow electronics during a short play date anyway, unless it's raining and they can't go outside, or unless we have mixed ages/genders and a 4-player Wii game will appeal to all ages). If you are uncomfortable, speak up. If the family doesn't respect that, move on or host all play dates at your house for that child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You can certainly tell them what you won't allow, i.e. video games or certain movies. When my kids were young and had playdates, I always listened to requests like that and it never affected the way my kids enjoyed time with other kids. FWIW, we didn't have many restrictions for my kids but I can't remember it being a problem with other kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 For us, it is because of the older sibling. For instance, my older child did not know of many of those things until he was much older. But now he is 10 and has introduced it to his sibling. Ds6 is much less sensitive also (probably b/c he grew up hearing these things :p) This exactly. The little people in my house are exposed to far, far more than my oldest were at the same age. It's inevitable in a family with bigger kids and little kids. My 4yo knows One Direction songs by heart whereas my oldest at the same age wouldn't have had a clue about tween music. She was still watching the Wiggles and Dora at 4yo. I would have been upset if my oldest was exposed to HP at 6yo, but my current 6yo watches the earlier HP movies without issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I think it's fine to let the parents know you do not allow certain things - assuming this is just a friendly playdate at the other home. I would be irritated if I, say, invited a child to a birthday party with many other children and another parent wanted their child to come, but didn't want them to do a, b, or c - all of which were planned because it was my child's special day and my child enjoys those things (been there, done that, lol). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 My six-year-olds pick up that stuff (and more) at school. Well, not the sexually explicit stuff (or, it goes over their heads), but the zombies etc. I don't know that their 6-year-old friends are watching this stuff on TV or video games, or just absorbing it from an environment that includes older kids. So far the only things I've found really concerning are the grown-up news stories they have been allowed to watch in "late room," but I put a stop to that. Harry Potter - I asked my sister to buy us the first book and movie for my dd's 6th birthday. My youngest must read the book before she watches the movie. It will be the same with the other HP books. This will take a while, since she is not a speed reader and some of the writing goes over her head. When they watch the movie, it will be with me there to explain things, as is our usual arrangement with new (to us) movies. As far as sending your son to another child's house for an extended time period, perhaps you could ask about the other family's screen policy. If they do a lot of screens, how about sending over a video game or DVD of your choosing? You could explain that your son has a hard time with intense movies / games, or has trouble sleeping / nightmares after watching same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I ask because, for example, we have Plants Vs. Zombies. The game is absolutely fine IMO for a 6 year old. So yeah, it's a zombie game, but a silly cartoony, clean game. It's all good fun until your children won't stop singing "Zombies on Your Lawn." :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I haven't read anything but the OP, just got back from campimg and I am too tired, lol. You are not necessarily unreasonable. They are not necessarily slacker parents. Different families, different kids, different standards. My son is the youngest child. He saw certain movies much younger than my eldest. He plays plants versus zombies and minecraft. All of mine were involved with Harry Potter from a fairly young age, but my eldest is the right age to have grown up with Harry. When we have had a Harry Potter party, I made HP invitations so that people would know ahead of time what the theme was and could make a decision from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I forgot to mention he is quite sensitive. He was scared of the grumpy old troll in dora until held was nearly five and has only recently been able to cope with the 3 Billy goats gruff. He is also very bright and tends to notice and question things you hoped he had missed. We still sing that song, even though my kids are 11 and 13 now! Funny, some of the stuff you're objecting to for a 6-year-old, we're STILL objecting to now, at this age. Just because my son is 13 doesn't mean he can see any PG-13 movie, or play any Teen Rated game. All that is on a case by case basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Well, I'm the liberal one among my friends when it comes to music, tv, video games and movies. It's not been a problem. The other parents just made me aware of what they don't allow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 We allowed a lot of things for our kids at that age and younger that we know other families would not be comfortable with - yes, all the Harry Potter movies, all the LOTR movies, and yes, computer games with zombies. No to the sexy songs (we don't listen to them) but they did learn "I"m Sexy and I Know It" from a local children's theater production we saw. However - when friends visit, I would never assume those thing would be okay with another family. I wouldn't ask if they were okay - I would keep them off the menu. If our kids brought them up, all they have to hear is that friend's family doesn't watch/play that...they are on to the next thing. It's no hardship for them to suspend their interests in those types of things for a few hours of playtime with a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 We are pretty conservative. We'd line up with all the things you said are inappropriate for a 6yo (and even for our 7yo) and probably add to the list. My children don't really do playdates away from home without us, but that's not really the culture here unless you are really good friends with the family. Typically, moms get together at homes or parks, etc WITH their children. Moms chat, kids play, so I'm there to supervise, etc. I had to intervene about the zombie thing when my DS picked it up from my nephew at his birthday party. I didn't say anything to my SIL (she knows we are much more conservative than she is) but I quietly pulled my children aside and asked them to stop playing the game and yelling about killing each other. They happily went about their own business until the other children started playing something else. I have yet to just drop my children off at a birthday party either. At my children's ages, most parents around here stay with their child at the party. If I knew beforehand that something at a friend's house or party would be objectionable to us, we would politely decline to attend. Some would call me an overprotective parent, I"m sure, but we have our reasons for parenting the way that we do and we don't care what others think. lol On the other side of things, even with how conservative WE are, we recently had a friend correct HER children in front of ours because while getting ready to watch a VEGGIETALES movie, my friend said her children were not allowed to watch this particular one because they say, "hurts like the dickens" in it and she finds that inappropriate. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 For us, it is because of the older sibling. For instance, my older child did not know of many of those things until he was much older. But now he is 10 and has introduced it to his sibling. Ds6 is much less sensitive also (probably b/c he grew up hearing these things :p) FWIW, when we have kids over they come to play. Not to watch TV, movies, or play video games. That doesn't mean my kids won't talk about them though. I haven't had too many instances where I drop my 6 year old off though. Mostly I stay there until I know the family pretty well. It always makes me feel kinda bad though when my kids play zombies with my sister's kids. Everyone is having fun, but I feel like mine are such a bad influence, like they just introduced some darkness into their lives. SHe said it is fine, since hers are all fairies and princess, it is good to have a little darkness LOL. I love my sis! Yes, when my 6 year old knows about zombies it is b/c of Minecraft and Plants vs. Zombies. Both non gore, but still.....zombies, lol. I also think it is fine to let others know also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down_the_Rabbit_Hole Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 We have always had a no screen time with friends rule for the kids. I would mention this to parents whose house my child visited and never had a problem. This eliminated any exposure they might get that I did not want or any friend might get that their parents did not want. As for other things, talk with your child and let them know what is allowed and not allowed. If you feel playing zombies or HP is not a game you want them pretending then let them know. Setting boundaries is okay. It's funny what my dd has been exposed to being the youngest of a teen/adult household. Things I would have had a conniption about when the boys were younger. We have simply told dd that certain things might not be allowed in her friends house so no need to discuss it or repeating a bad word she heard from a movie will get her banned from watching those type of movies with the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil' maids in a row Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Dd just turned 7, and we don't expose her to those things either. Her television viewing is pretty much limited to nature shows and Pbs cartoons. She listens to music on the classical or Christian stations. Books are pretty wholesome to. I am concerned about time at other peoples houses. We have some good friends whoses kids are similarly sheltered. When she goes to play at neighbors houses, where I am a bit more concerned, I try and keep it short. It is hard to get into too much trouble in 20 or 30 minutes. Other than that, we just deal with what happens. Honestly, she needs to be exposed to some of it eventually. It is not the end of the world for her to be exposed at this age. It may even be good, because she comes home to tell me about it and really esteems my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I always try to make sure that whatever movie/game is being played in my house is considered appropriate by the visiting family. I feel I'm pretty familiar with what other might consider inappropriate and always ask. Sometimes it is just impossible to second guess other parents. I had a family tell me that they considered White Christmas totally inappropriate for their young boys. It showed too much leg. Never in a million years would I have considered that movie inappropriate. In that case, I didn't really want to be put in the position of having their children in my house. It would have made me a nervous wreck wondering what they could do and couldn't do. Families are so different. I think most parents are pretty respectful (especially in homeschooling circles) of other parents' standards. Maybe just saying that you don't let your son play video games yet or asking what movies they might watch would be fine. I would certainly appreciate that. If your standards are more extreme as I mentioned above, I think it could be very difficult to let your child visit other homes. You can't control everything when they're somewhere else. By the way, I don't think you were being extreme. It just reminded me of that previous conversation. As long as I know what the family allows and doesn't allow, I'll do my best. If in doubt, I would call and ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Asher's best friend is allowed to play video games and he is not, so I checked with the parents. They are playing only Lego Batman. I have agreed to let them play inside over there one day a week, for one hour. The rest of the time they have to play outside or in our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 We have always had a no screen time with friends rule for the kids. I would mention this to parents whose house my child visited and never had a problem. This eliminated any exposure they might get that I did not want or any friend might get that their parents did not want. As for other things, talk with your child and let them know what is allowed and not allowed. If you feel playing zombies or HP is not a game you want them pretending then let them know. Setting boundaries is okay. It's funny what my dd has been exposed to being the youngest of a teen/adult household. Things I would have had a conniption about when the boys were younger. We have simply told dd that certain things might not be allowed in her friends house so no need to discuss it or repeating a bad word she heard from a movie will get her banned from watching those type of movies with the family. We also have no screen time when friends are visiting, unless it is a game that the visiting child also has an interest in, that has been discussed between them a lot, and with the other parent's okay, the kids have planned to do that together. But normally If we get together with friends, I expect the time to be spent in ways other than screens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Rather than listing things that are forbidden, You can also say "You know, ds can be rather disturbed by intense or scary video games or television. Please call me if the kids will be watching anything or playing any video games. Even things that don't seem troublesome to you and I can be the source of nightmares for this guy, so please please ask me first." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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