Mrs Mungo Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Yeah I don't know about 'plenty' of them thinking that way. I wonder how that conversation would go---'Dh, sweetie...I see you are in bed with your co-worker. I just want to let you know that I am now divorcing you but please, don't blame yourself or the affair you are having! I just realize that we have so many problems we need to end this marriage.' Or how about this one, 'dw, I see you have caught me in an affair. I'm glad because I've been meaning to tell you that I want out of this marriage.' Wife replies, "oh I know! I've been meaning to tell you the same thing. Go well and stay warm. And I know the affair had nothing to do with you leaving me.' Said no one ever. In my world anyway. They didn't break up directly afterward. You have a very black and white view of this. I don't see the point of discussing it with you anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 But the sad thing is how many people are unhappy in their marriage because of ongoing / serial affairs, and yet stay together knowing they will never be happy. I can think of more examples of that than of those who got divorced over an affair. I know. I hate that too. I don't know why people put up with it....I can see forgiving an affair...but when it has gone on for years and or many affair partners are involved...I just don't see why they stay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 They didn't break up directly afterward. You have a very black and white view of this. I don't see the point of discussing it with you anymore. Well, the question was very black and white. If they stayed together after the affair and then divorced later then I would not say the affair ended the marriage. I don't believe all affairs end a marriage...some do stay together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Yeah I don't know about 'plenty' of them thinking that way. I wonder how that conversation would go---'Dh, sweetie...I see you are in bed with your co-worker. I just want to let you know that I am now divorcing you but please, don't blame yourself or the affair you are having! I just realize that we have so many problems we need to end this marriage.' Or how about this one, 'dw, I see you have caught me in an affair. I'm glad because I've been meaning to tell you that I want out of this marriage.' Wife replies, "oh I know! I've been meaning to tell you the same thing. Go well and stay warm. And I know the affair had nothing to do with you leaving me.' Said no one ever. In my world anyway. Psst! Sorry for interrupting (and for being cheeky too ;)), but I'm really dying to know what you think about marriages between a cheating exes and their adulterous companions. I've often seen it quoted that such marriages are highly vulnerable and often not likely to last. Yet my own observations don't bear that out. What prompted you to start a thread on the subject? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Psst! Sorry for interrupting (and for being cheeky too ;)), but I'm really dying to know what you think about marriages between a cheating exes and their adulterous companions. I've often seen it quoted that such marriages are highly vulnerable and often not likely to last. Yet my own observations don't bear that out. What prompted you to start a thread on the subject? The same observation in my own world. I've read this statistic for years now that relationships that start in adultery do not last. 95% failure rate before the 2 year mark. I do not see that in my world, of the marriages that I KNOW about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Funnily enough the only second marriage I can think of that failed was that of someone whose wife had cheated on him. A couple of years after their divorce he remarried a lovely girl who everyone adored, but he eventually drove her away because he was so insecure and jealous; having been cheated on once he just couldn't bring himself to trust her. He's now very happily married for a third time to a woman a little older than him who has four children and a very robust personality! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I am not aware of any marriages in my circle of friends or family that ended because of an affair. Among all my friends and family, I know only two divorced couples (one separated completely amicably, no info about the others) - all the others are either still married to their first spouse, or live unmarried with their long term partner. Same here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 My sister has divorced two men because of infidelity. My mom divorced dad, he'd cheated on her 30 years. (She waited til we were all married or in college) Another sister's marriage.......my stepmom's ex divorced her because she was cheating (with my dad) Ex bil's new wife was divorced by her ex because he figured out she was cheating. My bil and his (present) wife were cheating and broke up two homes. A couple at church. Actually probably at least two more from church. Three friend's marriages. I can think of two marriages that survived infidelity. I can think of countless more divorces but can't be sure infidelity was the cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brinkseven Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Jumping in here. I know a fair amount of couples that were involved in affairs, that did not end the marriage. I also know a fair amount of couples that one or both spouses had an affair, and the marriage ended. With that being said, the affair was not necessarily the defining moment when the marriage had ended. Many, many other issues were involved, the affair was just a part of the decision to divorce. I've seen strong marriages, have' weak moments," in difficult times. This does not = divorce whatsoever. Everyone's story is different. In my world having an affair is not automatic grounds for a divorce. When a divorce happens, many, many issues were involved long before the affair. Clear as mud? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 My sister has divorced two men because of infidelity. My mom divorced dad, he'd cheated on her 30 years. (She waited til we were all married or in college) Another sister's marriage.......my stepmom's ex divorced her because she was cheating (with my dad) Ex bil's new wife was divorced by her ex because he figured out she was cheating. My bil and his (present) wife were cheating and broke up two homes. A couple at church. Actually probably at least two more from church. Three friend's marriages. I can think of two marriages that survived infidelity. I can think of countless more divorces but can't be sure infidelity was the cause. And so how many of those relationships that began in adultery lasted 2 years or more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Half roughly split after 2 years and half stayed together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Jumping in here. I know a fair amount of couples that were involved in affairs, that did not end the marriage. I also know a fair amount of couples that one or both spouses had an affair, and the marriage ended. With that being said, the affair was not necessarily the defining moment when the marriage had ended. Many, many other issues were involved, the affair was just a part of the decision to divorce. I've seen strong marriages, have' weak moments," in difficult times. This does not = divorce whatsoever. Everyone's story is different. In my world having an affair is not automatic grounds for a divorce. When a divorce happens, many, many issues were involved long before the affair. Clear as mud? ;) Yes, but the question is how many of the relationships that began in adultery lasted 2 years or more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Well I know you aren't a fool. You honestly know of a marriage where an affair happens and a divorce then happens and the innocent spouse says that the affair wasn't any part of the divorce? Yes, my mother. Her divorce happened because my father never really loved her - he married her out of obligation. He was a wonderful man, even my mother admits, but he entered a marriage because my mother became pregnant, not because he wanted to be there. An affair DID happen, but the marriage didn't end because of the affair on any level - and that is certainly something my mother will attest to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I only know of one marriage that ended because of an affair. This may be because my cohort has barely entered the marrying stage, much less the divorcing stage. In this one marriage, the affair went on for 5 years before it was found out and the divorce happened (maybe they're still together, I'm not sure). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I know of two marriages that involved adultery. One (to my knowledge) never ended, even though the adulterous relationship lasted *at least* 20 years and the wife knew about it from early on. (I was a third-party eyewitness the whole time.) the other one did eventually end in divorce, but not until the wife developed a backbone. that took several years. eta: I need to update as my memory is dredging up things I haven't thought about in a long time. I do know of two where the husbands had emotional affairs (as opposed to tEa). they ended their marriages and married the new girlfriends. they are still married to the new girlfriends. I also know a woman who did the same thing. I've no idea if she is still married many years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeschoolMamaOfTwo Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 100% of the ones I know are still together... so more than 2 years in all cases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Psst! Sorry for interrupting (and for being cheeky too ;)), but I'm really dying to know what you think about marriages between a cheating exes and their adulterous companions. I've often seen it quoted that such marriages are highly vulnerable and often not likely to last. Yet my own observations don't bear that out. What prompted you to start a thread on the subject? what always get's me about those relationships is when the "new" wife (the one the guy left his previous wife for) is *surprised* the guy would cheat on her. uh, honey? what was your first clue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I can think of 5 marriages in my circle that ended in part due to an affair (the total number of divorces I'm aware of is much higher, but the reasons for those splits are unknown to me). As others have said, there were likely a number of factors contributing to these divorces - the affairs may well have been more of a symptom of what was already wrong with the marriage. 3/5 of the cheating spouses stayed with the person they cheated with longer than 2 years. So that would be 60%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 The same observation in my own world. I've read this statistic for years now that relationships that start in adultery do not last. 95% failure rate before the 2 year mark. I do not see that in my world, of the marriages that I KNOW about. i've not seen that either, quite the contrary. however, i can say, the marriages i know that started from an affair are not easy marriages. there are also fractured relationships between the child/ren and the parent that had the affair. i'm sure there are exceptions of course, just not ones that i've witnessed IRL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I don't know of any marriages that ended strictly because of an affair. Almost all of the failed marriages I know of had problems way, way before an affair took place, and I know several marriages that survived and even grew after an affair. That has been my experience as well. Every marriage I've seen where an affair was involved was already in trouble, even if people on the outside didn't see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 That has been my experience as well. Every marriage I've seen where an affair was involved was already in trouble, even if people on the outside didn't see it. Yes. I am sure this is true. But to say the affair wasn't the cause of the end of the marriage just seems like excuse making to me. There are a 1000 ways to respond to being unhappy in a marriage. Adultery is one of the most painful to all involved. But that isn't even my point of all this...mypoint is trying to see how many of the relationships that begin in adultery (regardless of the stage of the marriage that failed) are still together after 2 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 i've not seen that either, quite the contrary. however, i can say, the marriages i know that started from an affair are not easy marriages. there are also fractured relationships between the child/ren and the parent that had the affair. i'm sure there are exceptions of course, just not ones that i've witnessed IRL. Yes, I know of one for sure where he married the last affair he was involved with...they are still married 15 years later and had a child together. But she almost divorced him at about year seven when he was caught in an affair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 My dad and his wife have been together for almost 20 years. I wonder how they trust each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 And so how many of those relationships that began in adultery lasted 2 years or more? The only ones I'm sure of are one sister and dad. Dad cheated with anyone and everyone. Long standing affair and one nighters and short terms. For 30 years. Of my sisters one affair lasted at least three years and I'm not sure about other sis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaughingCat Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 . You honestly know of a marriage where an affair happens and a divorce then happens and the innocent spouse says that the affair wasn't any part of the divorce? Absolutely. They were separated in every sense of the word long before it happened. I would imagine that the circumstances of those in my circles make that a lot easier than in your circles. FWIW, I also know of one marriage where an "affair" (i.e. relationship outside of the marriage) happened and then a divorce then happened (and a remarriage) -- and both spouses commented separately to me (and I was not a close friend of either) that the marriage was over long before that and they had just stayed married and living together "as friends". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I think asking for percentages isn't going to mean much to you. I answered 100% because I only know of one (there may have been others since most people don't say why they are getting a divorce) and the subsequent marriage has lasted for 20 years. But 100% out of 1 is a lot different than 100% out of 100. . . . I know of only 2. In one, the affair did not carry on but they did divorce because of (repeated) affairs. In the other, the couple having the affair got married and stayed married for nearly 30 years - now they are divorcing because of...you guessed it - an affair. The sad part is that the husband never saw it coming and is 78 year old. Then again, I guess what goes around comes around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Psst! Sorry for interrupting (and for being cheeky too ;)), but I'm really dying to know what you think about marriages between a cheating exes and their adulterous companions. I've often seen it quoted that such marriages are highly vulnerable and often not likely to last. Yet my own observations don't bear that out. What prompted you to start a thread on the subject? The same observation in my own world. I've read this statistic for years now that relationships that start in adultery do not last. 95% failure rate before the 2 year mark. I do not see that in my world, of the marriages that I KNOW about. what always get's me about those relationships is when the "new" wife (the one the guy left his previous wife for) is *surprised* the guy would cheat on her. uh, honey? what was your first clue? My cousin and late uncle are serial cheaters. They have more than one mistress at the same time. My cousin divorce his wife to marry his mistress because the mistress wanted the legality of being his wife. They had kids out of wedlock. We didn't bother to know if he and the second wife is still married but he is still womanising. My friend's ex-husband cheated on her, did not marry any of his mistress and is cheating on his second wife before the 1st wedding anniversary. Hubby's uncle cheated and left for the mistress. His mistress kicked him out when he was not earning enough to keep her happy. I didn't vote because I won't know how to vote in these cases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I don't know of any marriages that ended strictly because of an affair. Almost all of the failed marriages I know of had problems way, way before an affair took place, and I know several marriages that survived and even grew after an affair. I do! Mine! I was 3 months pregnant and housebound because of hyperemesis when my ex got himself a girlfriend. He freaked out from the responsibility that was coming for him in a few short months. (He's the loser I posted about last week who hasn't seen his kid in 4 years and is $27,000 behind in child support.). They were together for 10 years and then got married. They were married a year and a half when she left him for some other guy. Karma is a beautiful thing! p.s. I didn't know how to vote. I know of my ex, who is now twice divorced but was with her 11 years, and one other affair (someone else) who was cheating less than one year. That one went on to go another 25 years, until the wife (who had forgiven her husband) died last March. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 My XH is one who believes our marriage did not end because of his affair. So yeah I think people lie to themselves all the time. I was thinking the same thing! People who had affairs say the affair wasn't the problem... they often even blame the other spouse for the affair because they can't stand the thought of blaming themselves for their own actions. I am not sure how to answer the poll. My mom has a cousin who maintained two families for years; he left his wife and married the mistress as soon as the kids from the marriage were grown, but he also had kids with the mistress while still married to his first wife. I know people who got divorced after years of cheating, but I don't know that any one affair lasted more than two years. I know people who got divorced sooner than two years, but if the spouse hadn't found out about the mistress, it probably would have continued two years and beyond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 My cousin and late uncle are serial cheaters. They have more than one mistress at the same time. My cousin divorce his wife to marry his mistress because the mistress wanted the legality of being his wife. They had kids out of wedlock. We didn't bother to know if he and the second wife is still married but he is still womanising. My friend's ex-husband cheated on her, did not marry any of his mistress and is cheating on his second wife before the 1st wedding anniversary. Hubby's uncle cheated and left for the mistress. His mistress kicked him out when he was not earning enough to keep her happy. I didn't vote because I won't know how to vote in these cases. I think cheating is like an addiction for some people. My ex cheated on his mistress/"fiance" before he and I were even divorced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I know. I hate that too. I don't know why people put up with it....I can see forgiving an affair...but when it has gone on for years and or many affair partners are involved...I just don't see why they stay. It's their marriage. They decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 It's their marriage. They decide. Clearly. :) I just don't understand it. Some women stay with men who beat them too....I don't get that either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I have read a statistic that does not bear out in my life's experience. Since this is the largest group I know of who might be willing to answer this question...well help me please. :) Think of the marriages you know of personally that you KNOW have ended as a result of an affair. For the purposes of this poll lets include marriages that were seemingly intact, living in same house when the affair began. Now of those failed marriages how many (what percentage) of the adulterous relationships lasted more than 2 years. The poll is anonymous and I hope you will include yourself if that is the case. Or your ex spouses, parents, best friends etc...because THOSE are the ones that you have real knowledge of. This isn't a thread to bash and judge the mistakes in our lives....I am trying to prove/ disprove a statistic. Poll to follow I think I'm confused about the question. I thought you meant having an affair for 2+ years while married, but your later posts seem to reference how long the cheating spouse and other man/woman stay together after the divorce? or before + after the divorce? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm unsure how to vote. However, my sister believed her ex-h was cheating, he denied it hands down 100% and ultimately they divorced for other reasons. He is still with the girl-friend 9 years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 I think I'm confused about the question. I thought you meant having an affair for 2+ years while married, but your later posts seem to reference how long the cheating spouse and other man/woman stay together after the divorce? or before + after the divorce? How long did the relationship that began as adultery last after discovery which led to divorce. See the claim is that 95% of such relationship do not last longer than 2 years. I'm asking what your(collective you) experience is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I can't believe I forgot, but a dear friend of mine dh cheated and he left her for his honey while she was pregnant with her 5th child. As far as I know they are still together too. We live miles apart and I don't discuss him when we talk. Gag, that makes 2 for 2 or 100% Dh worked with a guy years ago who cheated on his wife, but he was a cheat with anyone kind of guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I sincerely doubt I am privy to all of the reasons most of the divorced people I know are divorced. If my (quite happy) marriage were to end in divorce, I would be pretty mum about the reasons to protect my children and out of respect to myself and the fact that even if we were to divorce, my husband and I would always be family due to the years together and children we have had. I would not go around telling many people not legally bound to confidentiality the whys of it all. I really only know the details on a few couples IRL. My parents permanently separated because they never should have married. My dad had an affair about 10 years prior. Both eventually had relationships with others, but never legally divorced. The affair had literally zip to do with it. They were poorly matched from day 1. My ILs marriage ended ostensibly due to infidelity but bluntly, she had that affair and left him for another man after 25+ YEARS of physical abuse by her drunken husband paired with 10+ years of living in different parts of the house. I don't consider him to be an "innocent spouse". I sincerely doubt that in most marriages that end that there is 1 innocent and 1 guilty partner. The truth usually, though not always, is in the middle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Some women stay with men who beat them too....I don't get that either. The intricacies of this are far more complicated that most people grasp. Leaving a very abusive situation is difficult and downright dangerous (the most dangerous part of such relationships) and often people have zero resources to leave by the time they decide to go. In many areas the social services infrastructure is not there to support those that must flee with nothing. This is one reason that most homeless women have previously been DV victims. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 We've had two recent friend couples break up. One was married to a man so incredibly stupid and arrogant, we all dreamed she'd have an affair and dump the moron. When she finally did, everyone was thrilled. Think a combination of Michael Scoot and George Costanza and then double the arrogance. :glare: And then another couple broke up rencently but that could be seen coming for years. They had kids. She stopped caring what she looked like at all or anything about her DH at all and he buried himself in his career. They've been apart for at least five years, probably far more. Both of those couples have been involved with the "other" person for more than 2-3 years and relationship number 2 is getting married in April. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 I sincerely doubt I am privy to all of the reasons most of the divorced people I know are divorced. If my (quite happy) marriage were to end in divorce, I would be pretty mum about the reasons to protect my children and out of respect to myself and the fact that even if we were to divorce, my husband and I would always be family due to the years together and children we have had. I would not go around telling many people not legally bound to confidentiality the whys of it all. I really only know the details on a few couples IRL. My parents permanently separated because they never should have married. My dad had an affair about 10 years prior. Both eventually had relationships with others, but never legally divorced. The affair had literally zip to do with it. They were poorly matched from day 1. My ILs marriage ended ostensibly due to infidelity but bluntly, she had that affair and left him for another man after 25+ YEARS of physical abuse by her drunken husband paired with 10+ years of living in different parts of the house. I don't consider him to be an "innocent spouse". I sincerely doubt that in most marriages that end that there is 1 innocent and 1 guilty partner. The truth usually, though not always, is in the middle. I know we don't know why MOST marriages end. Which is why I asked for those that you know about. Everyone has a few that they really do know WHY they ended. And yes there are cases like your MIL but usually there IS an innocent mate.....an innocent mate does not equal perfect mate. It equals the mate that didn't have the affair which led to divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 The intricacies of this are far more complicated that most people grasp. Leaving a very abusive situation is difficult and downright dangerous (the most dangerous part of such relationships) and often people have zero resources to leave by the time they decide to go. In many areas the social services infrastructure is not there to support those that must flee with nothing. This is one reason that most homeless women have previously been DV victims. Yes I know this. I stayed with a man who didn't beat me but who was very emotionally cruel to me. Many people don't understand why I did. *I* don't understand totally why I did. I do know that I will never again put up with one single second of such treatment. Nor would I tolerate any infidelity. However, there is never absolutely NEVER an excuse good enough to justify an affair. If you have it so horribly bad in your marriage then DIVORCE your mate. The sneaking around and the cheating is devastating to everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 You honestly know of a marriage where an affair happens and a divorce then happens and the innocent spouse says that the affair wasn't any part of the divorce? No, but to the outside observer, these marriages were on the rocks already and while the affair might have gotten one or the other motivated (last straw or I have someone better) to actually put in the divorce paperwork, it is not seen as "the cause" by the circle of friends. E.g. hubby's sister said "the writing was on the wall" for a long time that hubby's ex wanted rid of him. I replied, "But you forgot his dyslexia". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 No, but to the outside observer, these marriages were on the rocks already and while the affair might have gotten one or the other motivated (last straw or I have someone better) to actually put in the divorce paperwork, it is not seen as "the cause" by the circle of friends. E.g. hubby's sister said "the writing was on the wall" for a long time that hubby's ex wanted rid of him. I replied, "But you forgot his dyslexia". LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Funny how even though my XH will say the affair wasn't the reason for our divorce....we would still be married if I had not divorced him. Just a few weeks ago he was lamenting that we are divorced. How we should have been nicer to each other and how the lawyers caused the divorce. :glare: I ignored the text but I wanted to say, 'um, I am pretty sure it was the sex with other women that caused the divorce. Not the lawyers.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 My sister's marriage ended with an affair after 20+ years together, and the affair is still going strong. (1+ years later?) I thought you were asking how long before the marriage ended was the affair going on but I didn't vote because I read the replies first to understand exactly what was being asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yes I know this. I stayed with a man who didn't beat me but who was very emotionally cruel to me. Many people don't understand why I did. *I* don't understand totally why I did. I do know that I will never again put up with one single second of such treatment. Nor would I tolerate any infidelity. However, there is never absolutely NEVER an excuse good enough to justify an affair. If you have it so horribly bad in your marriage then DIVORCE your mate. The sneaking around and the cheating is devastating to everyone. In YOUR opinion. Many of us feel otherwise. You are entitled to your opinion as we are to ours. Personally, I think the "innocent" person in a marriage is a specious argument at best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 The sneaking around and the cheating is devastating to everyone. Not all of us have been devastated. Personally, I don't buy into giving genitalia that much importance in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 In YOUR opinion. Many of us feel otherwise. You are entitled to your opinion as we are to ours. Personally, I think the "innocent" person in a marriage is a specious argument at best. Really? You are justifying affairs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Not all of us have been devastated. Personally, I don't buy into giving genitalia that much importance in my life. I think there is a bit more to an affair than genitalia. And I do think that it devastates most people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Personally, I think the "innocent" person in a marriage is a specious argument at best. How is the assertion that if a person commits adultery they are guilty of adultery and their spouse is innocent of adultery (unless they too committed adultery)...how is that a specious argument? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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