klmama Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't mind the "honey," "dear," etc. if it's coming from a woman who is older or the same age as I. If she's a lot younger, I would think it odd. I understand about the height thing. When standing with my two 5' 10" friends I feel rather invisible. I do think the same thing happens the other way around, though, when two shorter people are speaking to each other and a tall person is also present. The two whose eyes are more at the same level tend to talk to each other more easily, and the other one feels left out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I'm a Southerner. "Hon" and "Sweetie" are perfectly acceptable substitutions for anyone's name- regardless of age or gender- in a casual situation. (At the grocery store, bank, etc...) I'd never use them in a more formal setting, though. (Business-related meetings or interviews, talking with a physician, etc...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I don't mind. Anything can be said to insult by tone. Im only 5'2" but I don't notice any height difference until I see it in a mirror. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Used to bother me. Doesn't bother me anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I find it condescending when it's from females near my age or younger in most instances. I was raised in the south by a feminist southern mom, though, and she taught us not to do it because according to her "it is usually used to be catty." I know some people do it out of habit and that doesn't bother me as much, but you can usually tell whom is doing it to be condescending. Often it strikes me much the same as "Oh, bless your heart!" Sure, some people say that out of kindness, but most use it as a veiled insult. Well, that's pretty much how I receive it, but I always assumed it was because I'm not Southern and don't really understand terms of endearment from strangers/acquaintances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 :iagree: I think mostly it is a southern thing. I've heard it more and used it more as closer to an endearment than and expletive. And thinking about it I use it freely - man, woman and child. It's a Baltimore thing too. They actually have a festival for it. Kid. You. Not. 'Hon Fest' is real. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 It's a Baltimore thing too. They actually have a festival for it. Kid. You. Not. 'Hon Fest' is real. And it really is "hon" and not "hun". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 I think the equivalent in Manchester is 'Ducks', but I might be wrong. Laura Laura, Ducks would be a term of endearment then? What is "duckie"? Or, do I even want to go there?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 It's a Baltimore thing too. They actually have a festival for it. Kid. You. Not. 'Hon Fest' is real. Hon Fest?? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I was called "Honeychild" tonight by dh's aunt. I finally feel that I have arrived!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Most of the people i know who call people Hon, honey, sweetheart, etc do it simply out of habit and not in a personal way at all. I don't mind, unless they do it repeatly in one conversation. Like this. "Hon, are you ready to order? We have a special on fried pickles tonight, and I have to tell you hon, they are yummy. Whatcha think hon, you want pickles or would you like something else?" Then....it drives me quite buggy hon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 "Hon, are you ready to order? We have a special on fried pickles tonight, and I have to tell you hon, they are yummy..." Did anyone else just mentally add "knowwhatImean, Vern?" to the end of that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Aw. Well, I was a waitress back when I was all of 21 years old. I frequently called customers 'hon'. Mainly elderly people, This is why it bothers me. It really isn't that common around here, but I've noticed that people have been calling me hon much more frequently in the last few years. It's coming mainly from people quite a bit younger than me, and it makes me feel really old. I know it is probably meant kindly, but it feels very condescending. I have to bite my tongue from saying "that's Dr. Hon to you, missy!" So I say it in my head. And it really irritates me when the old guy at the grocery store says "Hello young lady!" everytime he sees me. I'm sure he means well, but I just want to bop him. Really, not much irritates me. But I'm not enjoying aging and those things get under my skin more than usual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I had the oddest thing happen a couple of weeks ago. I went to the store to pick up some parts for our van my dh was working on. I got the parts and took them to the cashier at which point she, who was about 15 years younger than I am, proceeded to hon, honey, sweetheart, sweety and one or two others in about a 2 minute transaction. It was over and beyond anything I'd experienced before and I have been in Balto. many times :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 This is why it bothers me. It really isn't that common around here, but I've noticed that people have been calling me hon much more frequently in the last few years. It's coming mainly from people quite a bit younger than me, and it makes me feel really old. I know it is probably meant kindly, but it feels very condescending. I have to bite my tongue from saying "that's Dr. Hon to you, missy!" So I say it in my head. And it really irritates me when the old guy at the grocery store says "Hello young lady!" everytime he sees me. I'm sure he means well, but I just want to bop him. Really, not much irritates me. But I'm not enjoying aging and those things get under my skin more than usual. My dh does this to young and old and I want to bop him, too, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 It doesn't bother me, but it doesn't happen much anyway. (I'm also 5'2.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 My dh does this to young and old and I want to bop him, too, LOL. I'm pretty sure this guy only says it to old ladies. :mad: If he said it to everyone it wouldn't bother me so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Laura, Ducks would be a term of endearment then? What is "duckie"? Or, do I even want to go there?! Ducks and duckie can both be terms of endearment. I've heard 'Ducks' used to strangers - I'm not sure about 'Duckie'. Neither is used where I grew up or have lived subsequently. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I was called "Love" by a drunk guy not an hour ago. I suppose that means I'm not dog ugly despite my current limp, heheh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Doesn't bother me a bit...way bigger things to get upset about in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 It doesn't bother me at all. I've never felt it's meant in some very personal way toward me, it's just a different way of talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I don't care for it because I think terms of endearment are for close family members. However, I realize it is my issue so I smile and nod. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Really, not much irritates me. But I'm not enjoying aging and those things get under my skin more than usual. I feel like it's a veiled "hello, older woman that I don't really respect." It's the fact that people are subtly commenting on my age. It was very, very rare for anyone to call me hon when I was younger. And then it was only by people much older than me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Hon Fest?? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I feel like it's a veiled "hello, older woman that I don't really respect." It's the fact that people are subtly commenting on my age. It was very, very rare for anyone to call me hon when I was younger. And then it was only by people much older than me. Right. In theory, I don't object to being called by these terms of endearment. But in the South, people who want to show you respect call you "Ma'am." Yes Ma'am, no Ma'am, Can I help you Ma'am? When someone calls me "Hon," or "Sweetie," I think it is minimizing. I don't mind that much - it's not like I need to have my ego maximized all day. But I do know that it's a little condescending, and that they might not intend it that way. But people who talk louder with the mentally disabled or ESL people aren't intending to be condescending, but they still, in a way, are being condescending. Same with calling a woman "Hon" or "Sweetie" when you could call her by her name or call her "ma'am." My Dad was "Sir" or "Mr. X," to everyone until he was old and infirm, and then all of the sudden women who were two decades younger than him felt entitled to call him, "Honey," "Sugar," "Sweetie." It made me skin crawl, and I think people in caregiving situations should make an extra effort to show respect to their elderly clients by addressing them by their names or by "Sir" or "ma'am." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 I my word, this is hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 Right. In theory, I don't object to being called by these terms of endearment. But in the South, people who want to show you respect call you "Ma'am." Yes Ma'am, no Ma'am, Can I help you Ma'am? When someone calls me "Hon," or "Sweetie," I think it is minimizing. I don't mind that much - it's not like I need to have my ego maximized all day. But I do know that it's a little condescending, and that they might not intend it that way. But people who talk louder with the mentally disabled or ESL people aren't intending to be condescending, but they still, in a way, are being condescending. Same with calling a woman "Hon" or "Sweetie" when you could call her by her name or call her "ma'am." My Dad was "Sir" or "Mr. X," to everyone until he was old and infirm, and then all of the sudden women who were two decades younger than him felt entitled to call him, "Honey," "Sugar," "Sweetie." It made me skin crawl, and I think people in caregiving situations should make an extra effort to show respect to their elderly clients by addressing them by their names or by "Sir" or "ma'am." This is it - well put. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Right. In theory, I don't object to being called by these terms of endearment. But in the South, people who want to show you respect call you "Ma'am." Yes Ma'am, no Ma'am, Can I help you Ma'am? When someone calls me "Hon," or "Sweetie," I think it is minimizing. I don't mind that much - it's not like I need to have my ego maximized all day. But I do know that it's a little condescending, and that they might not intend it that way. But people who talk louder with the mentally disabled or ESL people aren't intending to be condescending, but they still, in a way, are being condescending. Same with calling a woman "Hon" or "Sweetie" when you could call her by her name or call her "ma'am." My Dad was "Sir" or "Mr. X," to everyone until he was old and infirm, and then all of the sudden women who were two decades younger than him felt entitled to call him, "Honey," "Sugar," "Sweetie." It made me skin crawl, and I think people in caregiving situations should make an extra effort to show respect to their elderly clients by addressing them by their names or by "Sir" or "ma'am." There are some places where ma' am and sir are seen as condescending and disrespectful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 It doesn't bother me at all, but it's not uncommon where I live. I think that's the key. If it's normal for people in your part of the country, then it's not condescending. Around here it's said to people of all ages (even kids) to and by both men and women. It's not something everyone does (and I don't) but it's common enough to be normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Now THAT is awesome!! So glad I had already swallowed my coffee before I saw this, or I'd be cleaning the screen right now. :lol: Love these forums - learn something new here every day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.