I did something embarrassing

[Ginevra]

About two weeks ago, I stopped by Panera to kill an hour while my son was at his youth group. As I walked over to the cushy chair area, a guy I was walking right past began waving at me with very apparent recognition. I had a fleeting thought of, "I think that might be 'Bob,'" a friend's husband. 'Bob' was seated with another man I don't know and I just wasn't sure if that was Bob or who it might be. So, I VERY AWKWARDLY said a very terse "Hi" and kept walking to the chair I was intending to sit in. :leaving: Once I was seated, I was behind 'Bob' and could no longer look at him well enough to decide that it definitely was Bob or someone else.

 

Later, looking at my friend's FB page, I decided that it almost certainly was Bob and I feel like such an idiot about it. I don't know whether to mention it apologetically to my friend or just forget about it. I have visions in my head of Bob coming home and saying, "Does Danielle have an identical twin? Cause I just waved to her and she looked at me like I had two heads and then she said nothing to me."

 

In all honesty, I am a little bit "face-blind" and I am sometimes stumped recognizing people when they are not in the venue where I normally see them, kwim? Would you mention this to your friend, "Hey, I think I saw 'Bob,' but I was in outer space and didn't really recognize him. I feel like a doofus. If it was Bob, could you tell him I didn't mean to ignore him?" Or just hope that maybe it was somebody else and/or that he just shrugged, said, "That was weird" and didn't think anything more about it? :leaving:

[JudoMom]

I'd mention it to the friend.

[Michelle My Bell]

About two weeks ago, I stopped by Panera to kill an hour while my son was at his youth group. As I walked over to the cushy chair area, a guy I was walking right past began waving at me with very apparent recognition. I had a fleeting thought of, "I think that might be 'Bob,'" a friend's husband. 'Bob' was seated with another man I don't know and I just wasn't sure if that was Bob or who it might be. So, I VERY AWKWARDLY said a very terse "Hi" and kept walking to the chair I was intending to sit in. :leaving: Once I was seated, I was behind 'Bob' and could no longer look at him well enough to decide that it definitely was Bob or someone else.

 

Later, looking at my friend's FB page, I decided that it almost certainly was Bob and I feel like such an idiot about it. I don't know whether to mention it apologetically to my friend or just forget about it. I have visions in my head of Bob coming home and saying, "Does Danielle have an identical twin? Cause I just waved to her and she looked at me like I had two heads and then she said nothing to me."

 

In all honesty, I am a little bit "face-blind" and I am sometimes stumped recognizing people when they are not in the venue where I normally see them, kwim? Would you mention this to your friend, "Hey, I think I saw 'Bob,' but I was in outer space and didn't really recognize him. I feel like a doofus. If it was Bob, could you tell him I didn't mean to ignore him?" Or just hope that maybe it was somebody else and/or that he just shrugged, said, "That was weird" and didn't think anything more about it? :leaving:

 

" face blind" no advice but I struggle with this too and its neat to have a name to go with it.

[Cassy]

I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure Bob will forgive you if it was him. I've walked past quite good friends before now without recognising them because I was deep in thought. They know I'm dippy and just think it's funny.

[justamouse]

I would probably go out of y way to say something to Bob and apologize. I'm the same way with faces/names and I hate thinking that I might have offended them.

[Elinor Everywhere]

I'd mention it to the friend in the way you suggested. No harm, and you'll sleep better.

[Garga]

I'd say something to the friend. "Alice! I was at Panera and this guy said hi to me. It wasn't until I left that I realized it was Bob. Let him know I didn't mean to be rude, would ya? Thanks!"

[KrissiK]

I'd say something to the friend. "Alice! I was at Panera and this guy said hi to me. It wasn't until I left that I realized it was Bob. Let him know I didn't mean to be rude, would ya? Thanks!"

 

That's what I would say. That's happened to me before, No biggie.

[Guest]

I'd mention it to the friend in the way you suggested. No harm, and you'll sleep better.

 

I'd say something to the friend. "Alice! I was at Panera and this guy said hi to me. It wasn't until I left that I realized it was Bob. Let him know I didn't mean to be rude, would ya? Thanks!"

 

 

 

Oh, man! I knew you all would say that... ;)

[unsinkable]

Why didn't you just approach him at the time and say hello?

 

You were in a safe public place.

 

Even if the person waving at you was a stranger, maybe he wanted to tell you something important...like you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

[Guest submarines]

I'm "face-blind" myself and tend to be spacey otherwise as well. Recently I grew out of being embarrassed about it. I'd mention this to my friend and laugh about it.

[Annie G]

I do that all the time, so I get how you feel. Dh, on the other hand, knows he cannot remember faces and he's chosen to just happily greet anyone who recognizes him. At least once a week we'll be out and someone will say hi and ask how he's doing, and as we walk away I ask who the person is...and dh has no idea. He knows he knows the person but has no idea who it is. I'm too introverted to do that- I just slink away like you did.

[Guest]

Why didn't you just approach him at the time and say hello?

 

You were in a safe public place.

 

Even if the person waving at you was a stranger, maybe he wanted to tell you something important...like you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

 

 

I don't really know why. That's part of why it's so embarrassing. It was only a second or two between the moment I saw him waving and my passing the table completely and I was caught up in my mental scramble to place him. I wish I had stopped, began chatting and then been able to positively identify him, but I was stuck in my mental panic and I guess that is why I just kept moving.

 

I do that all the time, so I get how you feel. Dh, on the other hand, knows he cannot remember faces and he's chosen to just happily greet anyone who recognizes him. At least once a week we'll be out and someone will say hi and ask how he's doing, and as we walk away I ask who the person is...and dh has no idea. He knows he knows the person but has no idea who it is. I'm too introverted to do that- I just slink away like you did.

 

 

I've been known to hide behind the cantaloupes because I know I should know the lady looking at the cucumbers, but I can't place her, so I hide. :tongue_smilie: My dh is the complete opposite. He is miraculous with recognizing people. He will stop someone at the county fair that he recalls wrestling from an opposing team when he was in high school. It's incredible to me. He'll say, "Oh, I know that guy. His name is Mark and he wrestled for Mt. Hebron. He pinned me in 26 seconds." I wish I was like that. I've run into my UPS guy and I can't place him at all because he's not in his brown uniform. :tongue_smilie:

[Catwoman]

Do you wear glasses or contacts?

 

If so, plead temporary blindness.

 

"I thought I saw Bob at Panera, but I wasn't wearing my contacts, so I couldn't see him well enough to be sure."

 

So what if it's a big fat lie? It could potentially be the truth, right?

[Dandelion]

I have a similar problem. I'm not face-blind though - I'm just near-sighted. So while I'm good with faces, I have to be somewhat close in order to recognize them. ;)

 

After a few instances of feeling bad or embarrassed after not responding to someone I did in fact know, I decided to just greet everyone. I'd much rather be friendly with potential strangers, than play the guessing game and wonder whether I've offended someone.

 

I'd mention something to your friend and be extra-friendly the next time you see Bob. :001_smile:

[unsinkable]

 

 

I don't really know why. That's part of why it's so embarrassing. It was only a second or two between the moment I saw him waving and my passing the table completely and I was caught up in my mental scramble to place him. I wish I had stopped, began chatting and then been able to positively identify him, but I was stuck in my mental panic and I guess that is why I just kept moving.

 

 

 

I've been known to hide behind the cantaloupes because I know I should know the lady looking at the cucumbers, but I can't place her, so I hide. :tongue_smilie: My dh is the complete opposite. He is miraculous with recognizing people. He will stop someone at the county fair that he recalls wrestling from an opposing team when he was in high school. It's incredible to me. He'll say, "Oh, I know that guy. His name is Mark and he wrestled for Mt. Hebron. He pinned me in 26 seconds." I wish I was like that. I've run into my UPS guy and I can't place him at all because he's not in his brown uniform. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

Ah, I get it now.

 

I'm about .500 with remembering people. I decided it's less painless to immediately say, "I'm so sorry. I forgot your name. "

[KrissiK]

 

 

I don't really know why. That's part of why it's so embarrassing. It was only a second or two between the moment I saw him waving and my passing the table completely and I was caught up in my mental scramble to place him. I wish I had stopped, began chatting and then been able to positively identify him, but I was stuck in my mental panic and I guess that is why I just kept moving.

 

 

 

I've been known to hide behind the cantaloupes because I know I should know the lady looking at the cucumbers, but I can't place her, so I hide. :tongue_smilie: My dh is the complete opposite. He is miraculous with recognizing people. He will stop someone at the county fair that he recalls wrestling from an opposing team when he was in high school. It's incredible to me. He'll say, "Oh, I know that guy. His name is Mark and he wrestled for Mt. Hebron. He pinned me in 26 seconds." I wish I was like that. I've run into my UPS guy and I can't place him at all because he's not in his brown uniform. :tongue_smilie:

 

You crack me up, because I am so like that. Though I hide behind the cantaloupes just to avoid making small talk with some I know, though maybe not that well. And I understand the mental thing. My mind goes blank, I get tongue tied and end up feeling like an idiot. Don't feel bad, you are not alone.

[Belacqua]

Oh, all the time do I do that! I took one of those "just how face blind are you?" tests on the internet (not exactly a clinical diagnosis, I realize, but it looked pretty legit) and failed even more spectacularly than I expected to. It's so bad I have to take a moment if my husband and his brother are in the same room, and they're not twins. I've hidden behind plenty of produce in my time. I agree that just telling your friend that you couldn't quite tell who it was but to say hi back to Bob for you.

 

My husband is the opposite; he can recognize faces from years ago but can't keep names in his head. It results in some really comical conversations.

 

"That guy over by the printer ink? Isn't he that guy who used to live on our street about eight years ago?"

"He did? I don't recognize him."

"Of course you don't. But he lived next to the blue house. He had a little dog that yapped at the mailman."

"Oh, Dave! And the dog was Rusty."

"Right. Dave. So is that him?"

"Not a clue."

[unsinkable]

Oh, all the time do I do that! I took one of those "just how face blind are you?" tests on the internet (not exactly a clinical diagnosis, I realize, but it looked pretty legit) and failed even more spectacularly than I expected to. It's so bad I have to take a moment if my husband and his brother are in the same room, and they're not twins. I've hidden behind plenty of produce in my time. I agree that just telling your friend that you couldn't quite tell who it was but to say hi back to Bob for you.

 

My husband is the opposite; he can recognize faces from years ago but can't keep names in his head. It results in some really comical conversations.

 

"That guy over by the printer ink? Isn't he that guy who used to live on our street about eight years ago?"

"He did? I don't recognize him."

"Of course you don't. But he lived next to the blue house. He had a little dog that yapped at the mailman."

"Oh, Dave! And the dog was Rusty."

"Right. Dave. So is that him?"

"Not a clue."

 

 

This is all kinds of awesome.

 

 

[Jeannie in NJ]

once dh and I were at Staples and a couple came up to us and chatted for a while. I had no idea who they were so after we left, I asked dh. He said ,"That is our dentist of the past 20 plus years that we go to 2 to 4 times a year and the woman with him is his office assistant/long time girlfriend." I was really glad dh was with me as it would have be so embarressing otherwise.

 

Also dh always is running into people at the grocery store that he went to high school with (he has lived in this area his whole life except for when he went to college in texas to meet me lol) and recognises them right away.

[GoVanGogh]

No advice, but wanted to share:

 

Two years ago Christmas Eve, our doorbell rang.

A good friend of mine - I had known her about six years at that time - was standing there with a plate of homemade goodies.

I totally blanked on her name! I just stood there with my mouth open, but nothing coming out.

She finally said her name, real slowly, like I was incapable of understanding.

Later, we both had a good laugh about it.

But I am still mortified two years later!

I have no idea why I could not come up with her name. It was the most awful feeling.

So I feel for you. I think everyone has those moments where their brain just freezes.

At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[mom2scouts]

I do that all the time, so I get how you feel. Dh, on the other hand, knows he cannot remember faces and he's chosen to just happily greet anyone who recognizes him. At least once a week we'll be out and someone will say hi and ask how he's doing, and as we walk away I ask who the person is...and dh has no idea. He knows he knows the person but has no idea who it is. I'm too introverted to do that- I just slink away like you did.

 

I am so happy to know that my dh isn't the only one who does that. He'll turn to me and say, "Who was that?" and I reply, "I have no idea! I thought you knew them."

[plansrme]

Did y'all know that face blindness (not by that name) is a real disability? I learned this from reading a book by a guy who lost sight at about age 3 and then had it restored when he was well into adulthood. He could see-- technically his vision was 20/20--but the part of his brain that made sense of what he was seeing had atrophied, so he could never normally process what he saw. Anyway, in that book, he discussed this known disability. It was not what he had, exactly, as his was much more extreme, but I was fascinated by the fact that some people really do not recognize faces.

 

Terri

[Guest]

Did y'all know that face blindness (not by that name) is a real disability? I learned this from reading a book by a guy who lost sight at about age 3 and then had it restored when he was well into adulthood. He could see-- technically his vision was 20/20--but the part of his brain that made sense of what he was seeing had atrophied, so he could never normally process what he saw. Anyway, in that book, he discussed this known disability. It was not what he had, exactly, as his was much more extreme, but I was fascinated by the fact that some people really do not recognize faces.

 

Terri

 

Well, I have heard face blindness used as an actual, diagnostic term. I first read about it in a book about autism. Although I do not have autism, it did resonate with me as a term for my somewhat flawed ability to recognize faces. I recognize people more by other clues than by their actual face. I am very hampered when people change their hair drastically. I am hampered when they are wearing different clothing from what I usually see them in. I am hampered if they don't have their kids, spouse or other clue I can group them with. And if they have a very ordinary appearance (like Bob does), I am hampered then, too.

 

My nephew just got married in October. He married a cute blonde girl. At Christmas, here was this brunette with her hand in a cast, talking with my niece. I had NO idea that was my nephew's new wife at first. The dark hair totally threw me. I edged into a conversation she was having where she was describing the car accident she had been in and from there I got my multiple clues that she was, in fact, my nephew's wife.

 

I really do think I'm deficient in this area. :tongue_smilie:

[Guest]

Oh, all the time do I do that! I took one of those "just how face blind are you?" tests on the internet (not exactly a clinical diagnosis, I realize, but it looked pretty legit) and failed even more spectacularly than I expected to. It's so bad I have to take a moment if my husband and his brother are in the same room, and they're not twins. I've hidden behind plenty of produce in my time. I agree that just telling your friend that you couldn't quite tell who it was but to say hi back to Bob for you.

 

My husband is the opposite; he can recognize faces from years ago but can't keep names in his head. It results in some really comical conversations.

 

"That guy over by the printer ink? Isn't he that guy who used to live on our street about eight years ago?"

"He did? I don't recognize him."

"Of course you don't. But he lived next to the blue house. He had a little dog that yapped at the mailman."

"Oh, Dave! And the dog was Rusty."

"Right. Dave. So is that him?"

"Not a clue."

 

 

That's hilarious! :laugh: I'm very dependent on dh's ability to recognize people, although, like you, i am very likely to remember the name. I just can't attach it to the person.

[laundrycrisis]

I am also faceblind. I either don't recognize people at all, or I get them swapped in my memory with someone else. It leads to terribly awkward, embarrasing faux pas, that there is usually no way for me to fix. I hate it.

[plansrme]

 

Well, I have heard face blindness used as an actual, diagnostic term. I first read about it in a book about autism. Although I do not have autism, it did resonate with me as a term for my somewhat flawed ability to recognize faces. I recognize people more by other clues than by their actual face. I am very hampered when people change their hair drastically. I am hampered when they are wearing different clothing from what I usually see them in. I am hampered if they don't have their kids, spouse or other clue I can group them with. And if they have a very ordinary appearance (like Bob does), I am hampered then, too.

 

My nephew just got married in October. He married a cute blonde girl. At Christmas, here was this brunette with her hand in a cast, talking with my niece. I had NO idea that was my nephew's new wife at first. The dark hair totally threw me. I edged into a conversation she was having where she was describing the car accident she had been in and from there I got my multiple clues that she was, in fact, my nephew's wife.

 

I really do think I'm deficient in this area. :tongue_smilie:

 

Oh sorry, didn't mean to imply that you were using the term incorrectly--I see that is what it looked like; I just meant that I didn't remember the real name of it. My point was that people say this all the time, "Oh, I never remember faces," and they mean they just don't focus on it, or they have bad memories generally, or whatever, but at an extreme, it is really a physical disability.

 

Terri

[Guest]

 

Oh sorry, didn't mean to imply that you were using the term incorrectly--I see that is what it looked like; I just meant that I didn't remember the real name of it. My point was that people say this all the time, "Oh, I never remember faces," and they mean they just don't focus on it, or they have bad memories generally, or whatever, but at an extreme, it is really a physical disability.

 

Terri

 

It's fine. I'm not bothered by anything you said. I know that it can be a true disability, but that many people say it in a general sense as well. I am sure that I could learn to put attention on someone's actual face and it would probably improve my ability to recall them later, but it's not what I naturally do. In that sense, I probably don't have an actually physiological impairment. But unless I resolve to train myself to memorize the shape of a person's eyes, their brow arch, the length of their nose, and other similar traits, I'm probably going to keep having this problem.

[Guest]

Okay - update. I sent my friend a message on FB saying essentially what I said above about I think I saw him, but I was in LaLa Land and now I feel like a doofus for not really looking at him properly. She LOLed and said he did mention that he saw me, but didn't say anything strange happened. So, it's all smoothed over. I still feel like a dope, but I guess it's my own issue now. :laugh:

[Pegasus]

I've done things like this too many times to count. Once I was at the grocery store and a woman greeted me warmly. I just looked at her blankly and she filled me in with "It's me. Julie!" and I continued to look confused. She then added "I live on your street, two doors down, we chatted in my yard the day before yesterday."

 

Another time, I was grabbing a quick meal by myself at a fast food joint and a guy that looked only vaguely familiar greeted me by name and asked to sit at my table. As we talked, he started dropping names from my college days so I figured that I must have known him then. It wasn't until later that day that I remember him at all. . .and I had even dated him briefly! His name didn't come to me until a few days after that.

 

Just a few weeks ago, I introduced a co-worker to an important visitor in the office. I used the wrong co-workers name.

 

I've learned to try to fake it when I can and to apologize when I mess up.

[Guest]

I've done things like this too many times to count. Once I was at the grocery store and a woman greeted me warmly. I just looked at her blankly and she filled me in with "It's me. Julie!" and I continued to look confused. She then added "I live on your street, two doors down, we chatted in my yard the day before yesterday."

 

Another time, I was grabbing a quick meal by myself at a fast food joint and a guy that looked only vaguely familiar greeted me by name and asked to sit at my table. As we talked, he started dropping names from my college days so I figured that I must have known him then. It wasn't until later that day that I remember him at all. . .and I had even dated him briefly! His name didn't come to me until a few days after that.

 

Just a few weeks ago, I introduced a co-worker to an important visitor in the office. I used the wrong co-workers name.

 

I've learned to try to fake it when I can and to apologize when I mess up.

 

Awww! You poor thing! :laugh:

 

My sister was just telling me about a guy who messed with her head recently. She was in the grocery store when a guy said, "Nicole! How are you?" She was thinking, "Where does he know me from? Kid's sports? School?" and so on. He asks, "How are the kids?" She gives a little run-down of who's doing what, stalling in her own mind to try and place the guy. Finally he says, "You really don't remember me, do you?" She said, "I'm sorry. I'm wracking my brains, but I just don't remember your name." He says, "I'm just messing with you. You have a name-tag on and I just guessed you had kids based on the things in your cart. We've never met." :bored:

 

This would probably ruin me for days. :laugh:

[KrissiK]

 

 

Awww! You poor thing! :laugh:

 

My sister was just telling me about a guy who messed with her head recently. She was in the grocery store when a guy said, "Nicole! How are you?" She was thinking, "Where does he know me from? Kid's sports? School?" and so on. He asks, "How are the kids?" She gives a little run-down of who's doing what, stalling in her own mind to try and place the guy. Finally he says, "You really don't remember me, do you?" She said, "I'm sorry. I'm wracking my brains, but I just don't remember your name." He says, "I'm just messing with you. You have a name-tag on and I just guessed you had kids based on the things in your cart. We've never met." :bored:

 

This would probably ruin me for days. :laugh:

That one had me laughing. Your poor sister, but at least she really didn't know the guy.

[gardening momma]

My sister was just telling me about a guy who messed with her head recently. She was in the grocery store when a guy said, "Nicole! How are you?" She was thinking, "Where does he know me from? Kid's sports? School?" and so on. He asks, "How are the kids?" She gives a little run-down of who's doing what, stalling in her own mind to try and place the guy. Finally he says, "You really don't remember me, do you?" She said, "I'm sorry. I'm wracking my brains, but I just don't remember your name." He says, "I'm just messing with you. You have a name-tag on and I just guessed you had kids based on the things in your cart. We've never met." :bored:

 

This would probably ruin me for days. :laugh:

A 6th grade classmate of mine did this...we were on a school field trip. I don't remember where we were, but we were waiting to get on a ride or something. There was a good size crowd of other kids in addition to our own class. She (Heather) raised up on her toes and waved across the crowd, yelling, "Jenny!" This girl comes over, and Heather starts talking to her, "Hi, how have you been?" etc... So they have a conversation for a couple of minutes, getting all caught up, and then the other girl goes back to her group. We asked Heather about the other girl, how she knew her. Heather said, "I don't know her. I just yelled out a name and she answered to it."

[Susan in TN]

 

In all honesty, I am a little bit "face-blind" and I am sometimes stumped recognizing people when they are not in the venue where I normally see them, kwim? Would you mention this to your friend, "Hey, I think I saw 'Bob,' but I was in outer space and didn't really recognize him. I feel like a doofus. If it was Bob, could you tell him I didn't mean to ignore him?" Or just hope that maybe it was somebody else and/or that he just shrugged, said, "That was weird" and didn't think anything more about it? :leaving:

 

I am so glad I'm not the only one! I feel completely stupid sometimes. And it's gone the other way, too - I've seen someone that I'm sure is "Bob" and I go up to them smiling with my hand out, only to realize when I'm 2 feet away (and "Bob" has a slightly terrified look on his face) that I have no idea who this person is.

[Guest]

 

I am so glad I'm not the only one! I feel completely stupid sometimes. And it's gone the other way, too - I've seen someone that I'm sure is "Bob" and I go up to them smiling with my hand out, only to realize when I'm 2 feet away (and "Bob" has a slightly terrified look on his face) that I have no idea who this person is.

 

Oh, man, yeah, I've done that, too! I remember one time when I was a teenager, I met this guy named Jeff at the ball field while I was with my best friend. The following week, I thought I saw him at school. I'm like, "Oh, look, it's Jeff from the ball field!" and I start walking right towards him with a warm smile on my face. I look back at my friend and she's shaking her head with her eyes big. I stopped and went, "Oh. You're not Jeff." My friend was like, "You dope. I was saying that's not him!"

[Tree House Academy]

If you said, "hi," I'd drop it. The next time you see Bob, I'd say, "Hey Bob! Sorry I was so short last time I saw you...don't know where my brain was!"

[swellmomma]

I would mention it to the friend. I have a horrible time with remembering names and then connecting them to faces, which I also struggle to remember. Often people will stop me to say hi, how are you, and I answer but have no clue who I am talking to lol And then after teh small talk it is rather hard to be like "who are you again?"

[Reya]

I got incredibly sick in college and developed a severe case of prosopagnosia. It lasted until after my son was born, and it SUCKED. I could only ID people by major features--hair color, height, weight, gender. Gait and movement helped a TON. I couldn't SEE their faces at all, not together.