Unreaslistic expectations of homschooling mothers?

[HS Mom in NC]

Do you think there are unrealistic expectations of you as a homeschooling mother? What are they and who has them?

[Jean in Newcastle]

All the unrealistic expectations of me as a homeschooling mother come from myself for myself.

[Desert Rat]

I agree with Jean. All the unrealistic expectations are self-imposed and no amount of reassurance will convince me otherwise. I've been working on feeling better about the job I do for 8 years. I'm made little headway. But, I keep trying.

[Dory]

I agree that most the unrealistic expectations come from myself.

[CyndiLJ]

I agree, too, that most often I put the unrealistic expectations in place. However, I think sometimes others put unrealistic expectations on me as well. They expect me to attend daytime activities/lunches/etc. and don't take my job seriously in educating our kids. They think I can take on more projects because they think I have more time because I am home. They set expectations for our kids' academics in their own minds as a "standard" and that would never happen if our kids were going to public school because they would just mindlessly accept that they were getting a good education. They have expectations that are incorrect, that homeschooling should look like public education and should somehow match it, even though that is what we are avoiding intentionally. There are all sorts of ways to look at it.

 

Cindy

[Chris in VA]

I am not homeschooling now, but I agree with Jean.

 

I do see, however, marketing at work--

 

I blame that darn Sonlight catalogue.

 

;)

[mumto2]

While I place many unrealistic expectations upon myself others place many on me too. They think that we have tons of free time to complete their outside projects since we do not work and are home all day. That we want to spend hours in the car for no real gain for our family because it suits them. They want more people at their events and we are slackers because we won't attend. Other people do not get that we have lots of school work to complete and need to be well rested in order to do it. A rest day should be relaxing. It should also be fun and entertaining if desired but the definition of that should be ours. Also my kids are individuals -- many things do not interest them that may interest others. They do know how they wish to spend their time. No thank you should be enough.

 

Sorry I am ranting. Also I just discovered someone already said this but I still am going to post because it will make me feel better. Obviously I am feeling a great deal of pressure from outside non home ed sources. I am not feeling so good due to a cold starting. But people really do not get that HOME ED MOM'S HAVE A JOB honestly jobs.

[laughing lioness]

My mil has crazy expectations of me and my kids. It has been a decades long tug of war about whose world view will win. Her dd has given up and let her have control of her kids. My sil doesn't let her near her kids. She has some relationship with mine- more the olders than the youngers but her influence on them is confusing and negative. When my parents were alive they did not agree with homeschooling and put a lot of pressure on our kids to perform academically and extra-curricularly for them. Always with the comments.

[laughing lioness]

double post

[regentrude]

All the unrealistic expectations of me as a homeschooling mother come from myself for myself.

 

 

This.

In fact, I can not think of anybody else who even has any expectations of me as a homeschooling mother.

[Hoot]

Absolutely! While I may put high expectations on myself and my son, the majority of the unrealistic expectations come first from my husband and second from outsiders. These are people (my husband included) who see nothing wrong with an "average" education in public or private school but expect things that are way over the top from the child who is homeschooling.

[Pawz4me]

All the unrealistic expectations of me as a homeschooling mother come from myself for myself.

 

This.

In fact, I can not think of anybody else who even has any expectations of me as a homeschooling mother.

 

 

I agree with these two posts.

[ChocolateMom]

I agree, I put the most unrealistic expectations on myself.

[LaxMom]

I think I am the only one who sometimes has unrealistic performance expectations, regarding what I can do in a day, etc.

 

Others have unrealistic expectations/assumptions about ideology, approach, what our education model looks like. Some of those are completely understandable; how would anyone not in our daily life form an accurate picture of how we do things, when they can only base their mental picture on their experience, right? It can be a little frustrating to have to repeatedly disabuse people of the same assumptions, but I understand how they come about.

[2_girls_mommy]

I would agree with those that think I have more time. Church members will ask me for things or time during the week that I think they don't ask working women for sometimes. But that could be my misperception. Generally if they ask me to bake I will go ahead and do it in the evenings. But I do not attend meetings and such during the day when they ask.

 

My family, on the other hand, does expect our presence often in another state because we "can do school anywhere." ???? Where they got this idea that a bouncy 7 or 8 yr old can focus on her math or reading on a visit to Grandma's and all of the staying up too late and fun things we are doing while there is beyond me. :) We do have some freedom here, but to think it is ideal and not subpar to our usual routine is so silly. Plus, I cannot lug the 20 books we are currently using to a visit for several days in another state. I can only choose the minimum that will do, and I don't have all of our supplies on hand. They have expected me many times during the school year to visit. Sometimes I relent, and other times I have to stand my ground to their grumbling.

[Durriyyah]

My ex (DD1's dad) has crazy stupid expectations and it drives me crazy. I'm supposed to add in more work outs, more arts, and more whatever-he-thinks-up-when-he-is-frustrated-with-me, then complains that I put too much on her. If I choose great books, then it is complaining that I didn't involve him when I was choosing the books (like he returns my texts/calls anyway), but if I choose something that he thinks isn't worthwhile, well then I'm a pathetic, worthless piece of crap. The last thing that I think just trumps all stupidity is when I was having my annual "conference" with him showing him the books we are using and why, he said having a logic course is pointless because it's all a matter of opinion anyway. Really?!

 

My dad is always finding the imbalance that maybe, possibly, could be happening in our lives. Whether that's too much focus on academics and not enough time to be a kid, or slacking and not getting her ready for college. Sometimes a compliment comes out.... in between about a dozen questions that sound like criticism.

 

</rant>

 

Whew, that felt good to get out... sorry you had to hear that.

[elegantlion]

From an academic level, I know some family are "watching", at least one finds subtle jabs to make (although they are an irritant overall) about my ability to accomplish some things. My lack of a college degree seems to be a hindrance to some believing I can do this. I've reminded a few people that I didn't stop learning when I left school, and that I worked in the "real world" for over a decade before ds was born. Others I just want to smack on the head - see the irritant comment above.

 

From a time perspective, I see some people not realizing how much time it takes to educate even one child. By the time I research, plan, implement, teach, grade, do other admin work, it's a full time job. It took dh years to realize I don't just order curricula and open it for the first time on the first day of school. Which leads to the argument of why the house looks like you worked in it. I've reminded dh that I can't be/do two things at once (part of it is the way I have to function). I can't do housework and teach school and do them both well. Years ago, I asked him which was more important. The education won. :D I learned pretty quick about letting others manipulate our time during the day. I treat homeschooling with the same respect as you would a job, emergencies aside.

 

I also put a lot of pressure on myself. I sometimes feel like I'm going to be holding my breath for the next 3 1/2 years.

[Mergath]

My dh certainly has his days. He seems to think that, because I'm a SAHM, I somehow have the ability to keep the house immaculate, have dd doing college-level work in preschool, spend the whole day baking his favorite foods, keep myself in perfect shape, and fit in plenty of time to relax, too. And I have to do all this without a car, because we share one and he takes it to work.

 

Dh often works sixty hours a week, and I get where he's coming from, really I do, but that doesn't make the urge to strangle him and hide the body in the backyard go away. ;)

[Stayseeliz]

I feel like there is pressure from other homeschoolers to go and do more. I feel like I can't keep up with others.

[jujsky]

All the unrealistic expectations of me as a homeschooling mother come from myself for myself.

 

:iagree: Another one agreeing with Jean. They all come from me and me alone. I'm in a constant battle with myself to :chillpill:

[clarkacademy]

This is a very sad thread. My parents are not all crazy about the idea but they don't really say anything or expect the kids to perform. My mom will kind of drive me crazy calling in the middle of the day to talk?? Sometimes I could just shoot her or maybe take her phone away? I think I stress myself out more than anyone else!

[violamama]

I think my opinion is similar to MyCrazyHouse above.

Most of the expectations I encounter have to do with people unfamiliar with homeschooling. They often assume we're going to be weird, which we certainly are, but not because we HS. It makes me laugh at myself because I totally remember that shifty-eyed look I would give homeschoolers three short years ago. God's hilarious.

 

My family tends to just be impressed with our first two years' results, though sometimes when our 6 yob acts up I imagine they might be thinking things at me. I think it's mostly imagination, though. We don't have many friends our age outside the HS community to be honest, so I don't get a lot of flack.

 

My MIL was a school teacher, so occasionally we get "advice" but it's good spirited and works out (and they live 600 miles away). Our piano teacher is dubious about the 6 yob's letter knowledge (we started with cursive and she was asking him to write upper case print letters), but that's more about judgment than expectation.

[rutamattatt]

After a year and a half of homeschooling, I am still trying to figure out what my own expectations are of myself. Some days I feel like I need to have more fun, other days I feel like we need to be more academically rigorous.

 

My DH has expectations of me as a homeschooling mom that are based on utopia. He doesn't really participate at all in selecting the curriculum, teaching the lessons, planning, etc. (He is asked to, but chooses to defer to me), but then he wants to know why they are doing thus-and-so or thus-and-so.

 

We adopted internationally (an older child) and many people feel like she should be caught up academically after a year of homeschooling. She was several years behind her peers in her home country in her own language, and while we are tackling the academic mountain, there are plenty of other mountains we are tackling simultaneously. But I have been asked on several occasions if I've gotten her "caught up" yet.

 

I find people think I am free during the day too. My sisters call all day long, and while I love chatting with them, I need to stay focused on the kids and their work.

[Crimson Wife]

We're supposed to be Martha Stewartish homemakers crossed with Amy Chua the "Tiger Mom" educators but with the personality of a saint. And we're supposed to somehow manage to look like a "trophy wife" even though real trophy wives have full-time nannies to watch the children while they go to the gym, the salon, the spa, shopping, plastic surgeons, etc. and the money to pay for that kind of high-maintenance appearance :glare: :thumbdown:

[Saddlemomma]

All the unrealistic expectations of me as a homeschooling mother come from myself for myself.

 

:iagree: TOTALLY!