amyable Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 There's a war going on in my head - one one hand I try to be very "green" and non-consumptive (is that a word? :tongue_smilie: ) on the other hand, our house and things are falling apart around our ears. It all seemed to happen at once. Our kitchen, front foyer, and carpet are old - I mean broken and gross old, not just out of style). Even little things bother me like all our towels being old and now threadbare. We can afford to make changes, but I hate wasting the money and especially wasting the resources. I hate the thought of consuming when people all over the world are starving. But every time I walk into the kitchen or dry myself with an old towel my heart just breaks a little more. I apparently have this mental problem with "ugly" and want my place and stuff to look "pretty." So I replace the towels (throwing out the others because we have enough rags and no one I know wants more) and my heart breaks again because I was wasteful and contributing to landfills and greenhouse gases in the manufacture of something I didn't *need*. :chillpill: I can't just store things for the "what if" - our house is smallish and poorly laid out with minimal storage. (warning CC:) I think one of my biggest problems is that I see it all as almost sinful. People are starving and I'm using money I could give them to eat to replace my *towels*?? Redo my kitchen? But then I think, if they were in my house fully fed I would want them to use nice towels too, not junk. Does anyone else suffer from this mental war? What do you do? When do you finally say something is too old and just needs to be tossed/replaced? Most people I talk to are just consumers/tossers and don't seem to care. My dh would be content to dry himself on the last 4 threads of a towel so he isn't any help! (He's also cheap, lol) :laugh: Thanks for any thoughts on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I am a little bit like you, I hang on to things and don't replace them until they are threadbare and broken. I would feel guilty about throwing away something usable. But that is not what you do. Some things are no longer fulfilling their purpose, and that is the right point for replacing them. We are currently making some larger renovations in our house. We carefully considered the financial feasibility for us, but once we decided, I do not feel guilty about it: by having these jobs done, I am providing work to local contractors which will help them support their families. Giving a person an opportunity to earn a living through the work he does is a good thing. And anything that is still usable of the things that are replaced will be donated. Our old countertops and sinks, for example, have found a new home with some friends who are starting out homesteading in a house they are building with hardly any funds. I understand about wanting to be a good steward, being frugal, not wasteful. These are admirable traits. But there is no need to feel bad about replacing the broken and worn out. Says the woman who still has and uses her 44 year old baby towels... can anybody top that? (But they are still good)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Yes, I do as well. I have no answer for you, but you're definitely not alone. One bathsheet (8 years old) out of the two pairs that I have has ripped at one edge, and rips further every time they get used. I so want to get rid of them and buy new ones, but...they're still functional, if ugly, towels! I've been having this battle with myself since the first one ripped, but I could put off making a decision because we still had another set. Then one of those ripped a few months ago. I'm just not thinking about it right now! Yeah, you're not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SFM Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 :bigear: I also am so what like this at times, listening and learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Yes!!! I too see it as a bit 'sinful' to buy stuff when what I own already is 'serviceable' if worn and old. :( I feel for you. We need new sheets for our bed as our are ripped and old, but part of me feels I should sew the sheets and make do, and it doesn't help that sheets are expensive. I too want my house to look nice, and sometimes feel the urge to buy more stuff to replace our old stuff...but I too think about starving kids and people who have nothing and how they would be helped so much by the $10, $20 dollars I am spenindg. I posted on the old board about wanting a new purse, and I ended up buyingg it, and I LOVE it, but if I think too hard on it I feel guilty for spending the money when my old purse was worn and a bit sad looking, but perfectly useable. You are not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Yes!!! I too see it as a bit 'sinful' to buy stuff when what I own already is 'serviceable' if worn and old. :( I feel for you. We need new sheets for our bed as our are ripped and old, but part of me feels I should sew the sheets and make do, and it doesn't help that sheets are expensive. I too want my house to look nice, and sometimes feel the urge to buy more stuff to replace our old stuff...but I too think about starving kids and people who have nothing and how they would be helped so much by the $10, $20 dollars I am spenindg. I posted on the old board about wanting a new purse, and I ended up buyingg it, and I LOVE it, but if I think too hard on it I feel guilty for spending the money when my old purse was worn and a bit sad looking, but perfectly useable. You are not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it. Neither end of the extreme is healthy - ever. Replace what needs replacing and don't feel guilty about it. It isn't like you are redecorating every six months for the heck of it. Go get the things your family needs. This time of year all that stuff is on sale. It is a good time to replace stuff that you've been putting off replacing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 . I posted on the old board about wanting a new purse, and I ended up buyingg it, and I LOVE it, but if I think too hard on it I feel guilty for spending the money when my old purse was worn and a bit sad looking, but perfectly useable. I do feel the same way when I spend money on myself. Maybe it helps to think about the person whose work is to design and sew the purse. I bought DD a purse from a small American company; they money I spent paid somebody for his work and helped them support their families. If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize. If none of us would buy anything, they would loose their livelihood. And from a philosophical point of view: many people would probably prefer to earn their living than to have to rely on handouts. So, helping somebody make a living through their work is a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 duplicate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I think the solution here is to buy towels before they become complete rags. Then donate the still kinda okay towels to Goodwill or an animal shelter. If they are still getting you dry, they're good for something somewhere. Your new towel purchase is benefiting someone somewhere and so are your old towels. Win win! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I do feel the same way when I spend money on myself. Maybe it helps to think about the person whose work is to design and sew the purse. I bought DD a purse from a small American company; they money I spent paid somebody for his work and helped them support their families. If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize. If none of us would buy anything, they would loose their livelihood. And from a philosophical point of view: many people would probably prefer to earn their living than to have to rely on handouts. So, helping somebody make a living through their work is a good thing. Actually, I was thinking this very thing. I was wondering if there's a manufacturer who makes towels in the US. I don't have time to research today, but this might be a good track to follow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 On a lighter note: if you are feeling wasteful, hop over to the thread about Christmas gifts for pets. You will feel so much better about replacing your worn out towels after you read about people buying pajamas for their dogs to wear in the pictures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Also, Goodwill takes old clothes/towels etc. and sells them as rag bundles. Win there as well. I am frugal as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne J Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Can't help you with advice, since this is an issue for me as well, but I did want to let you know that animal shelters are grateful for old toweling and blankets. They use them for bedding and, well, as towels and blankets. :) I try to assuage my guilt by spending my money carefully, and trying to buy from small businesses/local businesses/American companies. And then by giving as much to charity as we can afford. It is not ideal, but it makes me feel a little better about consuming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I think the solution here is to buy towels before they become complete rags. Then donate the still kinda okay towels to Goodwill or an animal shelter. If they are still getting you dry, they're good for something somewhere. Your new towel purchase is benefiting someone somewhere and so are your old towels. Win win! Yep, animal shelters will be happy to have your towels. I think there's actually a primate shelter near us that always wants old towels. Besides, they're not plastic towels. They'll degrade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I have the same thought process. However, do we immediately set aside the $ we would have spent and send it to a charity or ministry? One way I have thought about doing it, and in fact am implementing with our children, is a $ for $ match. Currently my family is saving for an expensive used "toy", but we have it set up that half of all that is earned toward the toy will be given to a charity/ministry chosen by the children. So, I say you should buy those new towels, but put the same amount toward a food bank or relief organization! It might take us longer to get the extra things this way, but my family could use some discipline in that area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Just one more for the animal shelters! They will take any old towels even ripped they can be used for something there. Old sheets too for that matter. I even knew a volunteer who told me they would take old clothes that were ruined with stains tears etc. because they could cut them and use them for animals. I once knew a person who would search for jeans that had the knees ripped out and she would sew them into skirts for her little girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Just one more for the animal shelters! They will take any old towels even ripped they can be used for something there. Old sheets too for that matter. I even knew a volunteer who told me they would take old clothes that were ruined with stains tears etc. because they could cut them and use them for animals. I once knew a person who would search for jeans that had the knees ripped out and she would sew them into skirts for her little girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Couple of thoughts: Have you read Crunchy Conservative? Maybe you're not crunchy or conservative...but it does address the issue of stewardship in a way that seemed balanced to me. "Make it do, do without, use it up, wear it out." - we do that. Our house burned 3 yrs ago. We had a lot of hard decisions to make- one of them being to restore our house or bull doze it- we went with the restore and as a result in a year we spent tens and tens of thousands of dollars. It was very stressful. We kept in mind that we were stewards - we bought quality products with good reps. We did not buy super high end things but we did keep in mind that we were investing so we stayed away from purchasing things that were "cheap" / "disposable." Our insurance rep told us to think "disposable." as we were inventorying our items for loss- iow, don't try to "save" seomthing because it doesn't loook damaged- just declare it a loss and get the money because it's so cheaply made we'll probably have to replace it soon anyway. it's just the way things are made these days... sad, but true. I try to balance the green aspect/ the stewardship aspect with what we need/ health. Norwex rags are not cheap but they are green and much healthier to clean the bathrooms with, imho, than chemicals. We do spend money on vitamins, some food stuff, but we have some health struggles that we pay for later if we don't. For us, this is part of the balance- pay now or pay later, stewarding what we have, what we need and what our vision is. We also live very generously and are willing to give of our time, energy, money and talents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Does anyone else suffer from this mental war? What do you do? When do you finally say something is too old and just needs to be tossed/replaced? Most people I talk to are just consumers/tossers and don't seem to care. My dh would be content to dry himself on the last 4 threads of a towel so he isn't any help! (He's also cheap, lol) :laugh: Thanks for any thoughts on this. I struggle with this as well. I have no advice but I'm learning a lot from this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it. Neither end of the extreme is healthy - ever. Replace what needs replacing and don't feel guilty about it. It isn't like you are redecorating every six months for the heck of it. Go get the things your family needs. This time of year all that stuff is on sale. It is a good time to replace stuff that you've been putting off replacing. I agree, I think it is important be non-wasteful but if things are falling apart then replace them. Just buy good quality that will see you through another nice long time. Plus could the worn out towels be put to another use?We have a load of threadbare bath towels and baby towels (from when I was a baby) for mopping up spills and drying animals, wiping car windscreens that sort of thing. They get used every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 We try to find a healthy balance. We donate a good chunk to various charities each year. We buy everything (and I mean everything) except underwear and socks used from local thrift stores to keep our environmental impact down, because pollution really does affect those living in poverty more than it does everyone else, and because it helps us to have extra money to donate. Dh and I share one car, and dd and I walk as much as possible, even in the winter- I pull her to the grocery store, etc. on a sled. :) We try to avoid buying certain things, like bottled water, because of their negative impact in the developing world. It also helps to keep in mind that your guilt isn't going to help anyone. And I don't mean that to sound harsh, but it's true. Do as much as you can, encourage others to do the same, and beyond that, you just have to let it go. I know the stuff we do isn't going to change the world, but it's all we have have the means and skills to do, so I'm not going to obsess over it, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Didn't Jesus say not to put new wine into "old" wineskins? I doubt the apostles dragged any old wineskins around with them, but they blessed people in OTHER ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 sometimes i will buy just one or two new things but not get rid of the old, until I realize the oldest ones are just not as useful and are just taking up space, and then i feel ok getting rid of them. but i also think of some of the decluttering guides, which say things like 'if you dont use it and you dont love it, get rid of it'. i mean, i do wait until sheets have holes and kids clothes dont fit to replace them, but i do buy new kitchen towels on occasion, and then get rid of the worst ones a bit later. there has to be a balance between frugal anti-consumerism/environmentalism and allowing yourself some small pleasures Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Amyable, it can be difficult to find a balance between thoughtful stewardship and ways of thinking that can stiffle one's spirit. Years ago, Julai Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, wrote a simple, but I think, effective book about money and our attitudes. One of the personalities described is that of the "poverty addict." The short of it is that sometimes we can be so careful with our resources that we actually cripple our ability to grow as a person. We tolerate ugly or broken things when we don't need to financially, almost as a spiritual badge of virtue, while missing opportunities that can make us soar or at the least be a much better person to be around. One of my SIL's is a lovely woman who has been a careful steward all of her life. Unfortuantely, through the years, the doing without has left her with a somewhat bitter attitude towards others who do not share her philosophy and she sees those people as less virtuous, less Christ-like. Greatness in spirit isn't forged strictly through hardhip and deprivation, but through beauty and generosity and sometimes that generosity begins with one's self. A $5 bouquet of tulips can sometimes make a world of difference. I do feel the same way when I spend money on myself. Maybe it helps to think about the person whose work is to design and sew the purse. I bought DD a purse from a small American company; they money I spent paid somebody for his work and helped them support their families. If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize. If none of us would buy anything, they would loose their livelihood. And from a philosophical point of view: many people would probably prefer to earn their living than to have to rely on handouts. So, helping somebody make a living through their work is a good thing. I like this idea and I think it is helpful in working towards balance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Thank you everyone for replying - I truly appreciate all your responses, not just the ones I wound up quoting below. I'm so glad I'm not alone! :) Giving a person an opportunity to earn a living through the work he does is a good thing. And anything that is still usable of the things that are replaced will be donated. ... ...Says the woman who still has and uses her 44 year old baby towels... can anybody top that? (But they are still good)) That's very true about giving people jobs. I wonder if we can find someone who could use our donated cabinets if/when we do the kitchen? I'll have to ask our contractor when the time comes. And I think you win on the towels, LOL! That's cool. There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it. I know, I know, I tend to be so black and white about things like this, to the point of silliness. But in my head the stakes are so much bigger than just the results of one thrown out towel or two. I tend to relate everything in my head and then somehow it's MY fault that people in Africa are starving because I wanted to redo my kitchen. If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize. I definitely need to be more conscious of this. When it's convenient for me I think of it - I'd like to make it more of a standard for myself. But then there is the war between my cheap side and my "shop small/local" side. Dh is definitely with me on the cheap side, so it's hard to let the "shop local" side win out. All that being said, I *don't* shop much so this doesn't come into play on a regular basis. I think the solution here is to buy towels before they become complete rags. Then donate the still kinda okay towels to Goodwill or an animal shelter. Never thought about that! Good idea! On a lighter note: if you are feeling wasteful, hop over to the thread about Christmas gifts for pets. You will feel so much better about replacing your worn out towels after you read about people buying pajamas for their dogs to wear in the pictures. :lol: :lol: Thank you, that helps a lot! I have the same thought process. However, do we immediately set aside the $ we would have spent and send it to a charity or ministry? No, but somehow I feel MORE guilty if I've spent on something than if it's just sitting there with the *potential* to be given to charity. :glare: Other than money that has been designated as mine, my dh has final say on what we give away, and he is more concerned about our own family's needs and future (including college, caring for our aging parents etc) than some nameless person, so does not donate as much as we could. Somehow I hope if I spend next to nothing, he'll see everything is OK and keep upping the donations. To his defense, he could be right ;) and we *do* dontate to many charities, just not as much as *I* would. One way I have thought about doing it, and in fact am implementing with our children, is a $ for $ match. Currently my family is saving for an expensive used "toy", but we have it set up that half of all that is earned toward the toy will be given to a charity/ministry chosen by the children. So, I say you should buy those new towels, but put the same amount toward a food bank or relief organization! Great idea! Couple of thoughts: Have you read Crunchy Conservative? Thank you for mentioning this - I'm definitely a crunchy con but never got around to reading this book. It sounds like I could learn a lot from it. Didn't Jesus say not to put new wine into "old" wineskins? I doubt the apostles dragged any old wineskins around with them, but they blessed people in OTHER ways. This really hit home, thank you. You're right, the apostles probably didn't spend days trying to sew up an old wineskin or patching it with olive leaves or something, lol. Then again, they would probably faint at the shear amount of STUFF I have in my house, and I'm on the low side for Americans (from what I've seen -- other than books :laugh: ) considering the number of kids we have. See how I go back and forth in my own head? :tongue_smilie: Again, thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Thank you everyone for replying - I truly appreciate all your responses, not just the ones I wound up quoting below. I'm so glad I'm not alone! :) Giving a person an opportunity to earn a living through the work he does is a good thing. And anything that is still usable of the things that are replaced will be donated. ... ...Says the woman who still has and uses her 44 year old baby towels... can anybody top that? (But they are still good)) That's very true about giving people jobs. I wonder if we can find someone who could use our donated cabinets if/when we do the kitchen? I'll have to ask our contractor when the time comes. And I think you win on the towels, LOL! That's cool. There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it. I know, I know, I tend to be so black and white about things like this, to the point of silliness. But in my head the stakes are so much bigger than just the results of one thrown out towel or two. I tend to relate everything in my head and then somehow it's MY fault that people in Africa are starving because I wanted to redo my kitchen. If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize. I definitely need to be more conscious of this. When it's convenient for me I think of it - I'd like to make it more of a standard for myself. But then there is the war between my cheap side and my "shop small/local" side. Dh is definitely with me on the cheap side, so it's hard to let the "shop local" side win out. All that being said, I *don't* shop much so this doesn't come into play on a regular basis. I think the solution here is to buy towels before they become complete rags. Then donate the still kinda okay towels to Goodwill or an animal shelter. Never thought about that! Good idea! On a lighter note: if you are feeling wasteful, hop over to the thread about Christmas gifts for pets. You will feel so much better about replacing your worn out towels after you read about people buying pajamas for their dogs to wear in the pictures. :lol: :lol: Thank you, that helps a lot! I have the same thought process. However, do we immediately set aside the $ we would have spent and send it to a charity or ministry? No, but somehow I feel MORE guilty if I've spent on something than if it's just sitting there with the *potential* to be given to charity. :glare: Other than money that has been designated as mine, my dh has final say on what we give away, and he is more concerned about our own family's needs and future (including college, caring for our aging parents etc) than some nameless person, so does not donate as much as we could. Somehow I hope if I spend next to nothing, he'll see everything is OK and keep upping the donations. To his defense, he could be right ;) and we *do* dontate to many charities, just not as much as *I* would. One way I have thought about doing it, and in fact am implementing with our children, is a $ for $ match. Currently my family is saving for an expensive used "toy", but we have it set up that half of all that is earned toward the toy will be given to a charity/ministry chosen by the children. So, I say you should buy those new towels, but put the same amount toward a food bank or relief organization! Great idea! Couple of thoughts: Have you read Crunchy Conservative? Thank you for mentioning this - I'm definitely a crunchy con but never got around to reading this book. It sounds like I could learn a lot from it. Didn't Jesus say not to put new wine into "old" wineskins? I doubt the apostles dragged any old wineskins around with them, but they blessed people in OTHER ways. This really hit home, thank you. You're right, the apostles probably didn't spend days trying to sew up an old wineskin or patching it with olive leaves or something, lol. Then again, they would probably faint at the shear amount of STUFF I have in my house, and I'm on the low side for Americans (from what I've seen -- other than books :laugh: ) considering the number of kids we have. See how I go back and forth in my own head? :tongue_smilie: Again, thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Amyable, it can be difficult to find a balance between thoughtful stewardship and ways of thinking that can stiffle one's spirit. Years ago, Julai Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, wrote a simple, but I think, effective book about money and our attitudes. One of the personalities described is that of the "poverty addict." The short of it is that sometimes we can be so careful with our resources that we actually cripple our ability to grow as a person. We tolerate ugly or broken things when we don't need to financially, almost as a spiritual badge of virtue, while missing opportunities that can make us soar or at the least be a much better person to be around. One of my SIL's is a lovely woman who has been a careful steward all of her life. Unfortuantely, through the years, the doing without has left her with a somewhat bitter attitude towards others who do not share her philosophy and she sees those people as less virtuous, less Christ-like. Greatness in spirit isn't forged strictly through hardhip and deprivation, but through beauty and generosity and sometimes that generosity begins with one's self. A $5 bouquet of tulips can sometimes make a world of difference. I see the potential for this in my life. This was beautifully put, and I need to watch out for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I know, I know, I tend to be so black and white about things like this, to the point of silliness. But in my head the stakes are so much bigger than just the results of one thrown out towel or two. I tend to relate everything in my head and then somehow it's MY fault that people in Africa are starving because I wanted to redo my kitchen. Honestly that isn't a healthy outlook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Honestly that isn't a healthy outlook. I know, but it's hard to shake. Hence this post! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Do you have a local Freecycle group? I love freecycle! I box up things we don't use and then offer them online. Normally within a day (depending on area) someone has emailed me back and wants to come pick up what I offered. I would def. freecyle things like old sheets, towels, etc. because then you *aren't* just throwing the stuff away and you KNOW someone can use it. :) Plus, with Freecycle, you can also get lucky and find other useful items that people no longer need but you do. We got most of our pots and pans from Freecycle, two dressers, and a toddler bed. Best part? It's free! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I think if you struggle with it to the point of it crippling your decisions, you may want to look at other areas of your life, and talk to someone about OCD. I use my old towels, not for us, but for the dog, for putting by the door in the snow or rain, cleaning up huge sopping messes...I just have them in a milk crate in a cleaning closet. We're a make do, do without, use it up or wear it out type family, too, but that doesn't mean that we have to use the old and worn on ourselves. *g*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I agree with so much posted, it's a balance. I also have a real need for my space to be aesthetically pleasing. I was psyched to bring home two simple wall shelves home from my parents this weekend. They will get sanded and painted and hung and loaded with more books. My ideal would be custom built bookcases, but my budget and reality are thrift store and hand outs. I've also moved to the mindset of instead of buying 5 of the almost right thing, I wait to buy the right one. I have a purse I want, it's pricey. What was I looking at today, purses! Why?! I don't know. I have enough to get me buy until I save to buy the right one. It's made by a small American based company. It's also easier to operate and maintain a space that is maintained well. Our house has 1920s original hardwood floors, except in the kitchen and bath. Dh sanded and refinished the hardwood, they will stay nice for a long time. The floor in the kitchen that put in before we moved in is cheap and already getting damaged. I think one way you could look at this is to replace with quality and environmentally friendly products. We also rotate items. Old towels becoming car towels or cleaning rags. Old blankets get donated or handed to the dog, although we have some old quilts we use every day that will never get used by the dog. Clothes are donated, kids clothes are saved for friends ( and most of them I got from a friend - by the time they wear out they will have potentially been through 4 families), we've started using some digital media. Old copy paper gets used for scrap paper. I make most of the art for our walls or we have some nice prints that are framed. We buy antique furniture, except bookcases and upholstered furniture. I decorate with antiques or family pieces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb in NZ Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 We reduce/reuse/recycle as much as possible for economic & ecological reasons, but I draw the line at making my family use rags. A few years back I was doing much like you. Our towels were more holes than towel. For Christmas that year Santa gave us all two towels. We each had a pair of towels in our own color. These towels were not expensive, but the effect on our outlook of the rainbow of color that our towels added to our lives was well worth the small outlay. The best of our old towels were put in a hamper for camping & sailing. The worst, I gave to dh for use in the garage. I decided that my family was important enough to me to make our home a pleasant place to live & to me that means we don't use rags if we can afford better. We buy the best we can afford, with the idea of it lasting as long as possible. But when something is truely worn out, I replace it. Like others have said, I support local businesses whenever possible, providing employment & helping the local economy. JMHO, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Also, Goodwill takes old clothes/towels etc. and sells them as rag bundles. Win there as well. I am frugal as well. Can't help you with advice, since this is an issue for me as well, but I did want to let you know that animal shelters are grateful for old toweling and blankets. They use them for bedding and, well, as towels and blankets. :) I try to assuage my guilt by spending my money carefully, and trying to buy from small businesses/local businesses/American companies. And then by giving as much to charity as we can afford. It is not ideal, but it makes me feel a little better about consuming. Do you have a local Freecycle group? I love freecycle! I box up things we don't use and then offer them online. Normally within a day (depending on area) someone has emailed me back and wants to come pick up what I offered. I would def. freecyle things like old sheets, towels, etc. because then you *aren't* just throwing the stuff away and you KNOW someone can use it. :) Plus, with Freecycle, you can also get lucky and find other useful items that people no longer need but you do. We got most of our pots and pans from Freecycle, two dressers, and a toddler bed. Best part? It's free! :iagree: These are all great ideas. I get you totally though, I am just the same and I could have written your post!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I find it's so easy to lose perspective with all sides "shouting" at me -- "consume! consume!" "No! Be green! Be green! You are ruining the earth!" I think the old people pleaser in me doesn't know what to do with opposing forces, lol - then throw dh in the mix and my head explodes. ;) I'm just going to repeat after all you fine ladies -- balance, balance, balance... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 How odd! I was just talking about this very thing today (holey towels.) I love that suggestion by someone to put aside the same $ to give to charity that you spend on the towels. Too often we just keep the holey towels and keep our charity money, so no one benefits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I find it's so easy to lose perspective with all sides "shouting" at me -- "consume! consume!" "No! Be green! Be green! You are ruining the earth!" I think the old people pleaser in me doesn't know what to do with opposing forces, lol - then throw dh in the mix and my head explodes. ;) I'm just going to repeat after all you fine ladies -- balance, balance, balance... :grouphug: Amy, I am really glad you started this thread, especially at this time of year. I don't think your dilemma is so much about being a people pleaser. You have a conscience and you are thoughtful about the mark you are leaving on this earth. Those are all good things. Your job is not to offset your husband's practices, but to find a place where you are at ease in your heart. There is no perfect answer and I think Mergath makes an excellent point: " Do as much as you can, encourage others to do the same, and beyond that, you just have to let it go. I know the stuff we do isn't going to change the world, but it's all we have have the means and skills to do, so I'm not going to obsess over it, you know? " I am enjoying reading all the ways people are trying to make a difference. There is a lot that is worthy of discussion in this thread, Amy. So again, thank you for putting it out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I work with someone at church who has one of the nicest houses in town, drives the nicest cars in town, goes to the spa regularly, goes on lots of vacations, is stylish, etc. Sounds like a selfish person, right? Couldn't be farther from the truth. This woman and her husband are the first to employ out of work people. In fact they have been known to make up jobs to employ down on their luck people. They give generously of their money and their time. They are very Christ like folks. Being overly frugal to the point that you aren't comfortable in your own home is silly imo. Buy things you like that are of good quality and use them up. If you don't like them and can afford to replace them pass them on to someone who can use them. With my final dc I bought high quality baby items and loved them. Then they found a new home and were appreciated all over again. I think what we give of ourselves is so so important. Give of your time and your heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I have found that there is almost always something you can do with the stuff you're throwing out. Eg if you have a dog or cat shelter nearby they might want loads of threadbare towels. Or you can use rags to suppress weeds in your garden (I just did that with an old and holey woolen blanket). Freecycle is great, because you wouldn't believe the stuff that some people are willing to come and take away for you! But in the end, you shouldn't beat yourself up if you can't use up or recycle every single thing. You wouldn't expect a guest to use a threadbare towel, and you are just as worthy of a nice fluffy towel! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 You need to find balance. Donate an item when you don't have a use for it anymore, or replace it when you feel frustrated every time you use it. Ratty or faded towels can get turned into oil rags in the garage or they can be donated to Goodwill for rags. Kitchen update is what you want? Donate the outdated canisters and such, and buy ones you will enjoy using. If it's the cupboards, they can be reused in a garage or work room (doesn't have to be yours) or donated to Habitat for Humanity. Work to make your home a beautiful place, as you will be more relaxed and cheerful when you are content with your surroundings. You don't have to spend a lot to do that, either! Yard sales and resale shops are great places to find unique items at low prices, and there is no packaging to send to the landfill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Agreeing about balance. Two little things-- When my mom comes to visit, she often comments on what I need or don't have. Towels are a big one for her! What IS it about towels? LOL-- We always give her the best ones we have, and we use the ones we usually use, which include some ripped ones. I realized I don't get rid of some things that are still useful but worn, because I am reacting to her messages that what I have is not good enough, therefore I am lacking. I keep the stuff that's worn to prove I am good enough. Not very healthy, is it? But now I can recognize and choose what to do, not out of reacting, but out of choosing. Does that make sense? The other thing is, and this is sort of contrary to the above!!--- Sometimes I feel I don't deserve, or am being selfish by having, "the good stuff." This is ingrained in people early on--esp women, imo. We see Mom getting the less-than-perfect pork chop; taking the slightly bent spoon; going without the new dress she really does need, so Child can have a recital skirt...Mom thinks she is modeling selflessness, but there is an implied martyrdom that truly has no place in mothering. Ooo, controversy...I don't mean selfless giving isn't a good thing, because of course it is. You can even give to the point of self-deprivation and be fine--BUT when it is done out of obligation and not out of joy, it leads to bitterness. I call it Mommy Martyrdom. It is destructive. Child can twist the message to mean I don't deserve nice things because others are more valued than I am. Sorry, but that's not the truth. We are told to love each other as ourselves, not more than ourselves. People who love themselves can then love others. People who loathe themselves and devalue themselves can't be strong and loving, only doormatty, which isn't even a word, but there you go. So, love yourself enough to get good towels, and provide your kids with an example of good self-care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I realized I don't get rid of some things that are still useful but worn, because I am reacting to her messages that what I have is not good enough, therefore I am lacking. I keep the stuff that's worn to prove I am good enough. Mom thinks she is modeling selflessness, but there is an implied martyrdom that truly has no place in mothering. Ooo, controversy...I don't mean selfless giving isn't a good thing, because of course it is. You can even give to the point of self-deprivation and be fine--BUT when it is done out of obligation and not out of joy, it leads to bitterness. I call it Mommy Martyrdom. It is destructive. Child can twist the message to mean I don't deserve nice things because others are more valued than I am. Sorry, but that's not the truth. We are told to love each other as ourselves, not more than ourselves. People who love themselves can then love others. People who loathe themselves and devalue themselves can't be strong and loving, only doormatty, which isn't even a word, but there you go. Hard to admit but I'm sure some of this is going on here too. I also know I tend to WANT to buy new things to prove I'm somehow "in" or "worthy" and sometimes just because I'm stressed and getting something in the mail makes me happy, then stop myself because I know that's silly. Taken all together with the other things I've written in places on this thread and I wind up with damaged kitchen cabinets, shirts with stains and towels with threads! I'm starting to "get" why my dh thinks women are complicated. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it. Neither end of the extreme is healthy - ever. Replace what needs replacing and don't feel guilty about it. It isn't like you are redecorating every six months for the heck of it. Go get the things your family needs. This time of year all that stuff is on sale. It is a good time to replace stuff that you've been putting off replacing. I agree....and honestly, are you sending that 10 or 20 along? Or, is it just melding into other expenses, etc. Decide how much you want to donate and make it part of your budget....and have a budget for replacing household items that need replacing.....cut those sheets up and use them as rags and dusters.....that way you are not wasting....nor being sinful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 So, love yourself enough to get good towels, and provide your kids with an example of good self-care. This should be on Pinterest, you know on one of those wooden signs. Awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 So, love yourself enough to get good towels, and provide your kids with an example of good self-care. This should be on Pinterest, you know on one of those wooden signs. Awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.