In a really small town, how old would your son have to be...

[SonshineLearner]

In a really small town, how old would your son have to be... to have you leave him for 4 hrs a day? How about 8 hrs a day? No worries... I'm not doing this tomorrow... Just planning :) This is in a very safe neighborhood... and with him wanting it, not forced.... (Talking about if he'd rather be at home doing things than in school)

 

Just curious, you don't need to flame me, unless it'd help your day go better :)

[swellmomma]

double digits or older. Currently my 14 year old can still not be left for that length of time. My 9 year old is not ready yet either BUT both have severe ADHD and other issues.

 

My 13 yr old dd I have left on her own in this town since age 11 for up to 4 hours (rare, usually it was 2-3 at most). I still would not feel comfortable leaving her for an 8 hour day but in the case of an emergency I think she would be fine, if it was just her, with the dog here at 13.

 

We are in a tiny town. If she stayed inside generally safe. But accidents still happen and I want to be sure they are mature enough to cope with it appropriately and not panic.

[Guest inoubliable]

DS12 has been left home just twice so far. One of those times being last night. And both times, he had... a witness? :glare: I don't know what it is about 11 - 12 year old boys, but every one of them that I've known (including DS) has total lack of common sense at times. Drives me nuts. He's not been home alone at all - it's always been with DS7. Last night, DH and I went to Walgreens to pick up some mouthwash (what a date, eh?) and we let DS5 stay with his brothers. I can't imagine DS12 being home alone (without a brother at least) for more than an hour or so. We're in a small-ish town, but we're downtown. Lots of people walking down our street, lots of neighbors who let their dogs roam loose outside, lots of cars using our nice, wide, tree lined street as a cut through... :glare:

[SonshineLearner]

Hmmm.... still thinking about this. He likes to stay up super late and doesnt' necessarily even wake up until 10 or so if he's allowed to... So he'd be awake maybe a couple of hours or so, if I let it go like that... :) I'm totally not worried about school work, since that's a non-issue at this point. (I'll handle that in the hours we're together, if necessary) I've thought about him doing some IXL or other computer based things which he'd probably be willing to do) :) He's willing to obey safety rules, without being resistant...

[ccolopy]

Do you mean every day? Or just occasionally?

[mama2cntrykids]

Ds11 (almost 12) has been left alone for up to 3 hrs alone. He had my cell phone though. I've also left him recently for about 30 mins with his 9 yr. old brother. It went fine, they played video games ;).

 

Daily? I'm not sure I'd do it for longer than 2 hrs. and he'd have to have a phone (we don't have a land-line). I used to work with a lady who left her 8 y/o dd home alone every day in the summer. That I *wouldn't* do!

[SonshineLearner]

Yup, I'm thinking every day. Yup, I'm wishing that I didn't need to think about $$$ but I do. I'm trying to think of the best job, best hours, best family life, and best day/night for him. Even though I have teens, they aren't available. They are in activities each day after school. So, it's like a singleton :) I'm trying to balance what school would do to/for him, versus being in a caregiver's home... perhaps... (as the oldest, since it'd be during school time)... Lots of decisions...

[saraha]

I left my 12 yos,now 13, home alone every Friday for up to 4 hours. He could totally be home for 8 hours, but I think everyday would be too much. I would not worry about leaving him home for 8 hours maybe one day a week. Too much time on his hands would be a recipe for mischief.

[Maus]

The personality of the child in question plays a huge part in the decision.

 

My just turned 10 DS has been home alone at his request for three hours. (We were going out to dinner and had arranged a sitter. He didn't want to go to the sitter, so we just took the girls there, and he stayed alone.) He's very rules oriented, has a cell phone and knows how to use it, gets himself something to eat on his own initiative, etc.

 

I've been leaving him alone for very short times (half hour or so) since he was 8ish. I haven't left DD8 alone for more than 15 minutes (while I dropped DS off at Cubs or music lessons, both just barely not walking distance away.) She is not rules oriented, does not focus very well, so she can't remember where I said I was going or how long I said I'd be (prob. ADHD Inattentive, but not diagnosed yet), can't remember what I said was okay to eat, and generally prone to panic if she doesn't know/remember what to do.

 

I should also say, DS views staying home as unlimited Netflix/Wii/Computer game time. I've left him doing math, but it stopped as soon as I walked out the door. So we haven't worked out THAT much accountability yet.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Maus

[SonshineLearner]

I left my 12 yos,now 13, home alone every Friday for up to 4 hours. He could totally be home for 8 hours, but I think everyday would be too much. I would not worry about leaving him home for 8 hours maybe one day a week. Too much time on his hands would be a recipe for mischief.

 

This is what I was thinking. If I had a part time job and could be home by 1pm, then he'd be awake for 3 hrs. During that time if he did a pre-made breakfast and got one subject of school done, the rest could be done later. But, I'm thinking 11yrs or something like that. For the next 2yrs, I'd just be in the "in between" stage where I'd have to think something up.

 

I can imagine him not being productive, but I don't think I'd have to worry about mischief, as he very much wants to be doing his own thing versus school.

 

I would stick him in school, but he's so independent and hates doing someone else's schedule... He's a true "home learner" at heart :)

[Lolly]

4 hours-probably 10.

 

8?--not sure 12? Of course, all of this just depends on the kid. I answered for my ds (who usually would have had an older sister home to where this really didn't come up as an issue).

[mazakaal]

I agree with pp that said that it depends on the temperment of the child. For a kid with a good head on his shoulders, I could see leaving them for 4 hours at 10 or 11 years old and working up to 8 hours at 12 or 13 years old. I would do it for a slightly younger child if there was a reliable neighbor that could be called on if needed.

[Lolly]

This is what I was thinking. If I had a part time job and could be home by 1pm, then he'd be awake for 3 hrs. During that time if he did a pre-made breakfast and got one subject of school done, the rest could be done later. But, I'm thinking 11yrs or something like that. For the next 2yrs, I'd just be in the "in between" stage where I'd have to think something up.

 

I can imagine him not being productive, but I don't think I'd have to worry about mischief, as he very much wants to be doing his own thing versus school.

 

I would stick him in school, but he's so independent and hates doing someone else's schedule... He's a true "home learner" at heart :)

 

My ds would be good with this schedule at 10 or 11 for certain. I would want him to call when he got up. As he gets a little older, you may find that he just sleeps until you get home!!!:lol: Ds could easily sleep until 1!

[ccolopy]

My DS is almost 12 and I could leave him home every day for 3-4 hours, no problem. I probably would have been okay with it around 10 1/2 or 11.

 

Eight hours is a different story. DS was supposed to stay home from 9-5 every day for a week while DD and I were away, but he got lonely and ended up going to work with DH on Thursday and Friday. I would hold off on that until he's old enough to walk or take a bus somewhere to break up his day. Maybe 13, probably 14.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Depend on the kid of course. My 11 yo would be fine for 4 hours but 8 would be a little long. My oldest I could have left alone all day in 3rd grade and her now 9 yo sister is the same. By 13 or 14 all of mine have been fine on their own for 8 hrs or more.

[TranquilMind]

In a really small town, how old would your son have to be... to have you leave him for 4 hrs a day? How about 8 hrs a day? No worries... I'm not doing this tomorrow... Just planning :) This is in a very safe neighborhood... and with him wanting it, not forced.... (Talking about if he'd rather be at home doing things than in school)

 

Just curious, you don't need to flame me, unless it'd help your day go better :)

 

Lol at last comment. Yes, sometimes we serve that purpose here;)

 

About your question, I wouldn't do it until at least 11, and then only depending on the kid. Some yes, some no.

[Tammi K]

you don't need to flame me, unless it'd help your day go better :)

:lol:

 

It seems like I've always had 'big kids' so I've always had someone to leave in charge of the little ones. But, now that the youngest are the only two at home I've had to make some different decisions.

 

When we lived in a 'neighborhood' I left the kiddos home (it was rarely ever just one left alone because there just were several of them.) during daytime and for short periods of time when they were about 11-12. Several dds were babysitting for other people's children at 12 so I figured it was safe to leave them in their OWN house.

 

Here in Alaska, we live where there are bear and moose roaming around frequently through the yard and neighbors are a little bit away. While I feel completely comfortable with ds11 being home alone for periods for time, my concern would be if he had to run to a neighbor for help, he might not be as cautious as is prudent.

 

I have left him alone when I know dh is following behind in under an hour or so. I do think he would be fine in the house for 4-5 hours. He would love to just sit at his computer and mindlessly play for that length of time. :tongue_smilie:

[swellmomma]

This is what I was thinking. If I had a part time job and could be home by 1pm, then he'd be awake for 3 hrs. During that time if he did a pre-made breakfast and got one subject of school done, the rest could be done later. But, I'm thinking 11yrs or something like that. For the next 2yrs, I'd just be in the "in between" stage where I'd have to think something up.

 

I can imagine him not being productive, but I don't think I'd have to worry about mischief, as he very much wants to be doing his own thing versus school.

 

I would stick him in school, but he's so independent and hates doing someone else's schedule... He's a true "home learner" at heart :)

 

For me it is not just how long they will be awake. How deep of a sleeper is he? would he wake up if someone tried to break in, or a fire broke out? Would he know what to do if he sliced his thumb cutting fruit? Do you have neighbors that are normally home all day that he could go to in the case of an emergency? How far would a job be from your house? For me to get any sort of work I have to go to the next town, which is only 15-20 minutes away in good weather. But what if there is a major storm, or an accident on the highway etc that makes me away longer. What if *I* am the one that gets into an accident, would my child be safe until another adult to get to them. Do they know what to do if the toilet starts flooding? or a storm rolls in. Will you be able to have regular contact by phone (for example, when I worked afterschool care, I didn't have a cell phone for most of my time working there, and it was hard to get a hold of me via the daycare phone because I was busy with kids...any of mine left home alone had to be able to cope with whatever was going on until I could get away to check on them, or after work whichever happened first). Will you be considering a job that you can drop everything and run if there is an emergency at home? (Again working in daycare I could not leave unless I found someone to replace me, so if there was an emergency the kids had to deal with it until I could do that)

 

These are all things I take into consideration, not just the age of the child or the size of town. You may plan on only being away 4 hours a day, but add in commute and unforseen circumstances and that can be easily doubled.

[SonshineLearner]

:lol:

Here in Alaska, we live where there are bear and moose roaming around frequently through the yard and neighbors are a little bit away. While I feel completely comfortable with ds11 being home alone for periods for time, my concern would be if he had to run to a neighbor for help, he might not be as cautious as is prudent.

 

 

Wow!! We don't have moose or bear to deal with! :) My thought was more along the lines of electrical fires or random people trying to come in :( Yes, he'd love to be "free" to do computer the whole time :)

[Ali in OR]

As a daily thing? I would not be looking at solutions where my child has to be home alone for 4 hours. We would be looking at being in a school at least part time. My 12 yo dd does that now--she takes band and science at a public school and loves it. I would even look at employment opportunities within the school (aide or whatever) to make it easier on both of us.

[Catwoman]

Yup, I'm thinking every day. Yup, I'm wishing that I didn't need to think about $$$ but I do. I'm trying to think of the best job, best hours, best family life, and best day/night for him. Even though I have teens, they aren't available. They are in activities each day after school. So, it's like a singleton :) I'm trying to balance what school would do to/for him, versus being in a caregiver's home... perhaps... (as the oldest, since it'd be during school time)... Lots of decisions...

 

Is there any way you could work in the evenings when your older teenagers would be at home with him? Are there any work-at-home options you could pursue?

 

Honestly, if I wasn't going to be at home with my kid for 4 or more hours a day, I would probably enroll him in school.

 

Here's why I say that: Right now, I think he's too young to leave alone, for safety reasons. But as he gets older, do you really want a young teenager left alone to surf the internet for hours every day? :eek: And that's assuming he never leaves the house...

 

 

For me it is not just how long they will be awake. How deep of a sleeper is he? would he wake up if someone tried to break in, or a fire broke out? Would he know what to do if he sliced his thumb cutting fruit? Do you have neighbors that are normally home all day that he could go to in the case of an emergency? How far would a job be from your house? For me to get any sort of work I have to go to the next town, which is only 15-20 minutes away in good weather. But what if there is a major storm, or an accident on the highway etc that makes me away longer. What if *I* am the one that gets into an accident, would my child be safe until another adult to get to them. Do they know what to do if the toilet starts flooding? or a storm rolls in. Will you be able to have regular contact by phone (for example, when I worked afterschool care, I didn't have a cell phone for most of my time working there, and it was hard to get a hold of me via the daycare phone because I was busy with kids...any of mine left home alone had to be able to cope with whatever was going on until I could get away to check on them, or after work whichever happened first). Will you be considering a job that you can drop everything and run if there is an emergency at home? (Again working in daycare I could not leave unless I found someone to replace me, so if there was an emergency the kids had to deal with it until I could do that)

 

These are all things I take into consideration, not just the age of the child or the size of town. You may plan on only being away 4 hours a day, but add in commute and unforseen circumstances and that can be easily doubled.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Those are excellent points, and would all be things that would concern me, as well.

[PentecostalMom]

Very, very old. Maybe 15, maybe older, not before. Definitely depends on your ds. Can you work from home? Work online? Sell stuff? Work a really early morning shift or really late night when someone else would be at home?

[Sahamamama]

It would depend on a myriad of factors:

 

 

• The child himself -- Can this child handle it?
  
• When I would be leaving him at home (morning vs. evening vs. night)
  
• Whether or not I'd have custody of him on weekends and holidays (to make up for the lost time)
  
• The local school options and how beneficial/harmful I might think they would be for that particular child
  
• The child's motivation and maturity/ability to abide by well-defined guidelines and follow a structure/routine, even without me being present (I don't mean do school work on his own, just get up, make bed, get dressed, eat healthy meals, do more than watch television, etc.)
  
• My level of trust in the child's reliability (e.g., will he stay indoors or will he wander the neighborhood? how will I know what he actually does?)
  
• The amount of flexibility I would have in being able to contact him during the day (will you be able to check in on him? how far away will you be?)
  
• What the state laws say about unattended minors
  

 

I was latchkey starting in 6th, and hated it. Absolutely hated coming home in the winter to an empty house (got home before my sister), hated the darkness and coldness, hated having no one except the dog to talk to about my day. But for your son, he wouldn't be "coming home," he'd be "staying home," so that dreaded feeling might not trouble him. It sounds so much cozier, somehow. :001_smile:

 

Here's an option, if you can afford it.

 

https://shop.verizon.com/buy/Camera-Thermostat-Sensors/Home-Control/Verizon-Home-Monitoring-and-Control/Home-Monitoring-Kit/Home-Monitoring-Kit/sku20024

 

http://www.icontrol.com/

 

http://www.comcast.com/home-security?CMP=KNC-IQ_ID_38808887-VQ2-g-VQ3--VQ6-28344792105&iq_id=38808887

 

 

HTH.

[FO4UR]

I'd look for an alternative. Do you have a retired (or SAHM) neighbor? Could you barter some household chores (done by your ds) for daytime supervision/company while he does schoolwork?

 

 

 

I can't imagine leaving my ds9 home alone for any length of time.

[NanceXToo]

Not sure. My daughter just turned 12 and in recent months I started leaving her home while I took my son to soccer practice, or while I went food shopping. I don't think I'd be comfortable with four hours yet.

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm not sure. I think it would depend on the kid.

Helpful, I know. :D :lol:

[Scarlett]

Yup, I'm thinking every day. Yup, I'm wishing that I didn't need to think about $$$ but I do. I'm trying to think of the best job, best hours, best family life, and best day/night for him. Even though I have teens, they aren't available. They are in activities each day after school. So, it's like a singleton :) I'm trying to balance what school would do to/for him, versus being in a caregiver's home... perhaps... (as the oldest, since it'd be during school time)... Lots of decisions...

 

I would not leave any kid at any age alone every day all day. I don't think it would be healthy emotionally.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd guess 10-12 for 4 hours and 15-16 for 8 hours. Those times are my estimates for a one-shot deal. If I were looking at getting a job, it would be 4 hours for a motivated, trustworthy high schooler. At 8 hours daily I'd send the high schooler to school. At 4 hours daily I'd send the middle schooler to school, BUT, there is no room in my personal educational philosophy for a kid to completely homeschool himself.

[Elizabeth in MN]

I'd say in the teens. You'll have to look into state law to see what age is old enough to be left alone for that long.

[IsabelC]

I leave my 9yo son alone occasionally, but for shorter periods (10 minutes to 1 hour). That is already a little outside my comfort zone, so I don't think I'd be leaving him for a half day or whole day for another year at least. As for doing this every day, I'd probably say not until 12 or so and even then not an ideal situation.

 

I hope you can come up with a solution that works for you and your son.

[catz]

4 or 8 hours a day, everyday? I wouldn't consider this an option unless I had an extremely self motivated 15+.

 

I have a nephew that was latch key from 6th grade up every day only after school. He is still alone for many hours a week. I can't even tell you how many problems this kid has found now at 16. He's had run ins with law enforcement, school administration, teachers, other kids, etc. We've made a decision that our kids will not have the unmonitored free time this particular child has had.

 

I'd definitely be looking at school options.