Setting the table, what's your position on spoons

[nukeswife]

Ok, this has been on my mind since dinner yesterday. My dh was setting the table and no matter what we're having he always places a fork, butter knife and spoon out for every person. I asked him why he puts out spoons when we're not having anything that would require a spoon. He said "Because that's how you set the table" I think it's because his mom always did. I hate it because even if they aren't used he then puts them in the dishwasher, which is never full enough to be run everyday so then without fail I'll end up in a spot where I need a spoon and they are all in the dishwasher. I've tried just putting them back in the drawer if they aren't used and he complains that you can't do that because they were out so they need to be cleaned.

 

So what say the hive? Poll to follow it will be multiple choice so you can answer about both the setting out of spoons and what to do with them if not used.

Edited October 8, 2012 by nukeswife

[Mrs Mungo]

We don't put spoons on the table unless we are using spoons.

Edited October 8, 2012 by Mrs Mungo
Tiny iPhone keyboard

[Parrothead]

Technically spoons don't go on the table. BUT some people like them for pushers. When I sent the table for family, I do put out spoons next to the knives.

[Kathryn]

At my grandma's house, we always set a full table and unused utensils went back in the drawer. At my mom's house and my own, when it's just family, we only get out the utensils needed. If I'm not sure what people will want, I ask while I'm at the utensil drawer. On the rare occasion that we have dinner guests, I set a full table and the unused utensils go in the dishwasher.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I put out a spoon for dh and for dd because they both want spoons even if they don't use them. I don't put them out for me or ds unless we have soup or something that would need a spoon. It's our form of having a compromise on the issue.

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

My mother always had us set the table - knife, fork, spoon. When I married and realized MIL only put on the table the flatware she expected diners to use, I was a bit discombobulated. It certainly wasn't wrong, but it wasn't the way I'd been taught. I still set the table with knife/fork/spoon, even if the spoon or knife won't be used.

 

(and anything put on the table gets washed before being returned to the cabinet/drawer - it was handled, so it must be washed!)

[Audrey]

Unless there is company (which IMO requires the basic full setting), I don't put out spoons unless there will be a use for them. However, whatever gets put out has to get washed even if someone didn't use it. I might put out butter knives for example, but not all will get used. They all still need to be washed.

[regentrude]

We put spoons on the table if we need spoons, not if we don't.

If it's just family, we put unused silverware back in the drawer.

[justLisa]

WE don't really "set" the table. Usually I bring everyone's food and then I just grab whatever utensils we need. We are weird and eat everything with a fork and knife.

[*Lulu*]

Unless there is company (which IMO requires the basic full setting), I don't put out spoons unless there will be a use for them. However, whatever gets put out has to get washed even if someone didn't use it. I might put out butter knives for example, but not all will get used. They all still need to be washed.

 

:iagree:

[nukeswife]

What I'm confused about when it comes to the washing no matter what if it's put out is why? I mean if you're setting the table you should just be touching the handles, so why does them lying on the table make them dirty and need to be washed. I mean when you put them away after they come out of the dishwasher they are also being handled, but you still put them in the drawer right?

[regentrude]

and anything put on the table gets washed before being returned to the cabinet/drawer - it was handled, so it must be washed!)

 

Yes, it got handled by the person who set the table - but it will get handled again by the person who sets the table the next time and by the person who empties the dishwasher. So, why wash in between if nobody ATE from it?

[nukeswife]

Yes, it got handled by the person who set the table - but it will get handled again by the person who sets the table the next time and by the person who empties the dishwasher. So, why wash in between if nobody ATE from it?

 

Exactly! I see we're of like mind in this area.

[Ellie]

Technically spoons don't go on the table.

They go on the table if you're serving soup. :)

BUT some people like them for pushers. When I sent the table for family, I do put out spoons next to the knives.

:001_huh: :blink::svengo:

 

You're a better woman than I. If they came to my house, they'd have to bring their own "pushers."

[Cinder]

For family dining at home we only set out the utensils we will actually use for that meal. Sometimes I set out extra plates/bowls for bread or salad. I prefer to wash anything that's been set out even if it hasn't been used. Dh will just put it back in the cupboard.

[angela in ohio]

You only set out the utensils the meal requires. It could be three forks and no spoons. There is no set arrangement imho.

[edelweiss]

Unless there is company (which IMO requires the basic full setting), I don't put out spoons unless there will be a use for them. However, whatever gets put out has to get washed even if someone didn't use it. I might put out butter knives for example, but not all will get used. They all still need to be washed.

 

 

:iagree: I put out a full complement of silverware if we are having company. If it is just family, I only put out what we need. If it comes out of the silverware tray, it gets put in the dishwasher whether it was used or not.

[justLisa]

What is a pusher?

[myfatherslily]

What if you compromised and simply rinsed the unused spoons? Run them under water, dry them, and toss back in the drawer.

 

I don't set the table. I put out the needed utensils in a pile. I'm fancy like that. I think it's kinda crazy to take out any utensil or dish that you KNOW is not going to be used. To me, it's the equivalent of saying, "It's 80 degrees, so I definitely won't need a sweater, but I always bring my sweater!" And then washing it when you get home because you brought it, but didn't use it. Craziness :tongue_smilie: :lol:

[6packofun]

Yep. I'm not running Downton Abby here.

[FaithManor]

Yes, it got handled by the person who set the table - but it will get handled again by the person who sets the table the next time and by the person who empties the dishwasher. So, why wash in between if nobody ATE from it?

 

 

Thank you! :D

 

As for spoons, if we don't need them, they do not go on the table unless we have company whose delicate sensibilities I would not wish to offend.

 

However, I serve a formal meal three times per month for the boys. I find that my "monkeys" always need refreshers on proper, formal, table manners. A shrimp fork, salad fork, and soup spoon in addition to the usual tableware seems to help them "straighten up". :lol:

 

Oh, I don't buy paper napkins. I like linen/100% cotton. That's probably a subject for another thread!

 

Faith

[TranquilMind]

Ok, this has been on my mind since dinner yesterday. My dh was setting the table and no matter what we're having he always places a fork, butter knife and spoon out for every person. I asked him why he puts out spoons when we're not having anything that would require a spoon. He said "Because that's how you set the table" I think it's because his mom always did. I hate it because even if they aren't used he then puts them in the dishwasher, which is never full enough to be run everyday so then without fail I'll end up in a spot where I need a spoon and they are all in the dishwasher. I've tried just putting them back in the drawer if they aren't used and he complains that you can't do that because they were out so they need to be cleaned.

 

So what say the hive? Poll to follow it will be multiple choice so you can answer about both the setting out of spoons and what to do with them if not used.

 

I see a really contentious thread arising here. You really know how to stir the pot, don't you?

;)

[TranquilMind]

We don't put spoons on the table unless we are using spoons.

 

Right. I know how to set a table properly, but we also don't do extra dishes just because.

[FaithManor]

I see a really contentious thread arising here. You really know how to stir the pot, don't you?

;)

 

 

Shhhh....you don't want her to mention stirring the crockpot! Honestly, it will be a metal spoon, wooden spoon, ladle, spatula war for certain! :biggrinjester:

 

Faith

[KungFuPanda]

What is a pusher?

 

 

Yeah! What IS a "pusher?"

[nukeswife]

I see a really contentious thread arising here. You really know how to stir the pot, don't you?

;)

 

:lol: I hope this doesn't go the way of crockpots, shopping carts, and cupcakes

 

Shhhh....you don't want her to mention stirring the crockpot! Honestly, it will be a metal spoon, wooden spoon, ladle, spatula war for certain! :biggrinjester:

 

Faith

 

:lol:

 

Can you tell I'm bored out of my mind because yet again my husband isn't home from work before 8pm.

[besroma]

Unless there is company (which IMO requires the basic full setting), I don't put out spoons unless there will be a use for them. However, whatever gets put out has to get washed even if someone didn't use it. I might put out butter knives for example, but not all will get used. They all still need to be washed.

 

This.

[IsabelC]

I reckon your bloke is just creating extra washing up with this rule!

 

My idea of setting the table is telling the kid who's setting what we're going to eat so that she/he can put the required items on the table. Not only do we not put out spoons if we're not eating something that uses spoons, but we don't put out what individual people won't use. Eg my younger daughter eats pasta with a fork and spoon, but my elder daughter eats it with a fork only, so her place won't be set with a spoon.

 

If it's been on the table, it gets washed. That's because my kids will touch and fiddle with everything, whether they are actually using it or not.

 

 

And wow, look at this cute cutlery set with 'pusher'! Never heard of them before but it looks fun.:D

[GailV]

Unless there is company (which IMO requires the basic full setting), I don't put out spoons unless there will be a use for them. However, whatever gets put out has to get washed even if someone didn't use it. I might put out butter knives for example, but not all will get used. They all still need to be washed.

 

:iagree:

 

The more the unused silver is handled, the more the odds go up that it got something on it, so it gets washed.

 

If I notice I'm low on something before I run the dishwasher, get this -- I wash some by hand! :svengo: I know, I know, it's really shocking. My own family can't believe it, and all refuse to participate in this incredibly complex act of cleaning ... they prefer to whine and complain that "there aren't any clean!" I've tried to have seminars demonstrating the technique, but it's apparently too much to comprehend.

 

Edited to add: Putting the unused silver back in the drawer without washing reminds me of Grandma Nan, who would take the uneaten lettuce leaves that had been under the jello salad on the salad plate, rinse them off, and put them back in the refrigerator. No one in the family wants to be accused of being like Grandma Nan, so we all studiously avoid any trace of that behavior.

Edited October 9, 2012 by GailV

[Melissa in Australia]

we always set the table with a knife and a fork. We use the knife as a pusher. otherwise we use the knife for cutting.

I get spoons out of the draw if we have desert, according to how many people want desert AFTER the main course is eaten.

 

While eating the knife stays in one hand wand the fork in the other. DH was brought up with some crazy German rule that when you are finished eating you have to put your hands flat onto the table in front of you. I was brought up that you put them on your lap. I think the crazy German rule comes from a time (centuries ago) where you weren't sure if the person sitting beside you was planing to stab you while you ate, so if their hand was flat on the table you could see it and eat in peace. I reckon that hands on laps, with cutlery still visible on the table is showing that your are unarmed.

[Punks in Ontario]

My husband puts spoons out when he sets the table which is rarely. The rest of us only put them out when needed. It kind of bothers dh, but, "Oh, well." When we have company, we put out the complete setting.

[justamouse]

At my grandma's house, we always set a full table and unused utensils went back in the drawer. At my mom's house and my own, when it's just family, we only get out the utensils needed. If I'm not sure what people will want, I ask while I'm at the utensil drawer. On the rare occasion that we have dinner guests, I set a full table and the unused utensils go in the dishwasher.

 

:iagree:

[GraciebytheBay]

I don't like it when the table setter makes the decision whether or not I will use a utensil! I am kind of weird and use utensils when and where others may not. For example, when we order pizza, I like to eat some of mine with a fork until it cools, whereas others pick it up and just use extra napkins. When we ate stir fry last week, everyone used their forks, but I partially used a spoon because the veggies were slipping off the fork. You get the idea.

 

So, our rule is that nobody is to assume what others will use at the table, nor should anyone have to get up and get their own utensils because of that assumption. Set it correctly each time, and all will be well. :001_smile: Oh, and we do not wash unused utensils.

Edited October 9, 2012 by GraciebytheBay

[In the Rain]

We only put out what is needed, even when we have company. If, for some reason, there is unused silverware on the table, I might wash it. If it was at one of the kid's places, it would likely have food crumbs or splatters around it. :tongue_smilie: I'd be less likely to wash unused silverware at an adult's seat. At a formal meal with my inlaws, where people linger for hours, silverware is often fiddled with. I'd just wash it all.

[Ellie]

Thank you! :D

 

As for spoons, if we don't need them, they do not go on the table unless we have company whose delicate sensibilities I would not wish to offend.

But their "delicate sensibilities" should not be offended when (1) it's your table, not theirs, and (2) you have set the table properly, which includes *not* putting out utensils which will not be [properly] used during the meal. IOW, if soup is not served as the first course (which is, in fact, proper, whereas salad served as a first course is not), then no spoon is put out. And I mean a soup spoon, of course, as a teaspoon is never properly set on the table.

[TengoFive]

We don't set the table unless we have company. We keep all the everyday cutlery in a divided basket on the table and everyone grabs what they want.

 

If we have company and we're setting the table with the nice cutlery, I put spoons out and then they get washed afterwards, used or not.

[DusksAngel]

Unless there is company (which IMO requires the basic full setting), I don't put out spoons unless there will be a use for them. However, whatever gets put out has to get washed even if someone didn't use it. I might put out butter knives for example, but not all will get used. They all still need to be washed.

:iagree: Growing up though, both my mother and grandmother insisted that the table be set every evening meal: fork (with napkin folded underneath), knife, and spoon. Now we've gotten much more casual, except for Sunday's biggest meal. :D

[chepyl]

We fill plates at the stove and then bring plate and silverware to the table. For Thanksgiving and Christmas at my mom and dad's, we set a full table. For everyday, why dirty the serving dishes and extra silverware?

[HelenNotOfTroy]

The table should be set based on the meal to be served, how else do you know which fork and spoon to use?

[Tutor]

At my grandma's house, we always set a full table and unused utensils went back in the drawer. At my mom's house and my own, when it's just family, we only get out the utensils needed. If I'm not sure what people will want, I ask while I'm at the utensil drawer. On the rare occasion that we have dinner guests, I set a full table and the unused utensils go in the dishwasher.

 

:iagree:

[Giraffe]

If there's company, I set a full table (knife, fork, spoon) and wash the utensils, used or unused.

 

If it's just family, I like to just set out what's needed, but DH and I have different definitions of need. He wants a spoon for things that I can't possibly imagine need a spoon. So I try to ask what he wants. DD gets a spoon and a fork no matter what because I never know with her.

 

Unused family cutlery gets put back in the drawer.

[angela in ohio]

The table should be set based on the meal to be served, how else do you know which fork and spoon to use?

 

Goodness, I agree. I'm so suprised to see this notion of setting out utensils that won't be used as the "proper way" or a "full table setting" and anything else as slacking off. :confused:

 

If anyone's watched Downton Abbey episode 4 this season, you know all your spoons. :D

Edited October 9, 2012 by angela in ohio

[cindergretta]

We set based on the meal. If no spoons are out and someone decides they need a spoon for their peas, they may get one out of the drawer. I wouldn't really have a problem with unused items being put away, but my dc are GROSS and freak me out, so I wash their stuff regardless since I never know if they licked it and then put it down on the table... :tongue_smilie:

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, just differing comfort levels. :D

 

(Incidentally, I am usually the one who wants a spoon for things which others eat with a fork, so if anyone is going to miss a spoon not being set out, it would be me and I just go get one!)

[nukeswife]

We fill plates at the stove and then bring plate and silverware to the table.

 

This was why I was questioning my dh's behavior. We always fill plates at the stove/counter and then go to the table to eat, so everyone can see what we'll be eating and if they feel they need a spoon, they're free to grab one when they pass the silverware drawer on the way to the table where their fork and knife would be waiting. Maybe part of it is that when dh is deployed we don't even set the table with silverware at all, we load up plates in the kitchen and grab all of our utensils on the way to the table. So his way seems weird to us once he comes home.

[Parrothead]

They go on the table if you're serving soup. :)

 

:001_huh: :blink::svengo:

 

You're a better woman than I. If they came to my house, they'd have to bring their own "pushers."

No need in embarrassing the guests. ;)

[justLisa]

Why will no one tell me what a spoon pusher is? Some one please?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why will no one tell me what a spoon pusher is? Some one please?

 

Just a utensil that you use to push food onto another utensil. Which is not how I use utensils but I've seen people do this. I just chase my food around on the plate!

[Parrothead]

Why will no one tell me what a spoon pusher is? Some one please?

A utensil used to push peas onto a fork.

[justLisa]

Just a utensil that you use to push food onto another utensil. Which is not how I use utensils but I've seen people do this. I just chase my food around on the plate!

 

Oooh ok. Well then my stance is I am spoon pusher tolerant though I don't do this myself. We eat everything with fork and knife and use the knife to push food

 

DD likes a separate utensil for everything.

 

When my MIL is here she tries to help....well actually she IS help....but with dinner she sets the table formally. Drives me nuts because she sets out tons of utensils but I don't say anything. Seems kinda petty and she's probably just trying to make the table look nice and make sure everyone is set.

[Ellie]

A utensil used to push peas onto a fork.

As opposed to one's finger, which works equally well. :lol: