Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Demanding that a feverish, sleeping baby be taken out of her crib for a three hour visit that could be rescheduled is assinine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :iagree::glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Yup.:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :iagree::glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Positively ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Agreed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 I knew it! Thank you for agreeing. ;) (BTW - the baby daddy demanded his visitation this evening even though DD told him he could have a longer visit another day.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Yes, it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :iagree: That is ridiculous, not to mention bad for the baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :iagree:That is ridiculous, not to mention bad for the baby. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Language will have to be added regarding the baby's temperature, etc. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :glare: Very stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Assinine. Completely.:cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 If he wants to visit, he should spend his time right beside the baby while the poor dear sleeps in the crib. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I knew it! Thank you for agreeing. ;) (BTW - the baby daddy demanded his visitation this evening even though DD told him he could have a longer visit another day.) yes it is. Document document document. Complete with an actual temperature of baby at time of visit, and that mom was willing to reschedule for a longer time once baby was well again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 Language will have to be added regarding the baby's temperature, etc. :glare: This is my line of thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 yes it is. Document document document. Complete with an actual temperature of baby at time of visit, and that mom was willing to reschedule for a longer time once baby was well again. Good advice. This will be followed to the letter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 If it wasn't totally unfair as well as abusive to the baby to get her out of bed, wouldn't it be great to let him experience what it is like to care for a sick child? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I can easily :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 If it wasn't totally unfair as well as abusive to the baby to get her out of bed, wouldn't it be great to let him experience what it is like to care for a sick child? ;) Yes, but it needs to be at three AM when she hasn't slept for four hours and wants to be rocked and held. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 Ugh. Sounds like my ex. He was two hours late one night, and I had messaged him before he even got there, telling him ds (5 at the time) had a fever and really shouldn't be going anywhere. Ds didn't want to go either, but ex basically threatened me, and dh wasn't home to mediate. His neighbors heard ds sobbing as he brought him into his house, and called the police. Imagine his surprise when they showed up for a welfare check, and ds told them he wanted to go home. Ex took his temp and it was 103....yeh....the police weren't amused with him at all. I am so sorry you and your DS had to go through that.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 keep a journal. record everything. even the good--it makes y'all look more genuine and less like @$$e$. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I guess I'll be the lone dissenter. Does the baby not have a bed at Daddy's house? Why is he incapable of caring for her when sick? I really don't think it's that big of a deal to move a sleeping baby. She would probably go right back to sleep in the car. Abusive? Really? To wake up a child? I think that is insulting to people who have suffered real abuse. In the father's shoes, I might be worried that giving up this visit would start me down the slippery slope, or that the mom would claim that I only wanted the baby when healthy or that I didn't care about missing visits, and that it would be used against me later. Or maybe he just really wants to see his kid? If I only got to see my child for a few hours here and there, I wouldn't give that time up just because baby is sick. I am perfectly capable of caring for and comforting a sick baby. On the other hand, maybe there is backstory here I am missing, like babydaddy only wants visitation to annoy baby's mom, or he is a jerk in other ways. But on the face of it, I don't see why he is being castigated for wanting to spend time with his child, sick or not. ETA: Ugh. Just noticed the JAWM. I realize this is the second JAWM I've ignored in the last couple of weeks, and I'm sure I'll get trashed for it, but oh well. Apparently JAWM just isn't in my nature, and I'll have to come to terms with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 I guess I'll be the lone dissenter. Does the baby not have a bed at Daddy's house? Why is he incapable of caring for her when sick? I really don't think it's that big of a deal to move a sleeping baby. She would probably go right back to sleep in the car. Abusive? Really? To wake up a child? I think that is insulting to people who have suffered real abuse. In the father's shoes, I might be worried that giving up this visit would start me down the slippery slope, or that the mom would claim that I only wanted the baby when healthy or that I didn't care about missing visits, and that it would be used against me later. Or maybe he just really wants to see his kid? If I only got to see my child for a few hours here and there, I wouldn't give that time up just because baby is sick. I am perfectly capable of caring for and comforting a sick baby. On the other hand, maybe there is backstory here I am missing, like babydaddy only wants visitation to annoy baby's mom, or he is a jerk in other ways. But on the face of it, I don't see why he is being castigated for wanting to spend time with his child, sick or not. ETA: Ugh. Just noticed the JAWM. I realize this is the second JAWM I've ignored in the last couple of weeks, and I'm sure I'll get trashed for it, but oh well. Apparently JAWM just isn't in my nature, and I'll have to come to terms with that. No, you are not the lone dissenter. The father needs to get accustomed to all facets of babycare, including illness. He could rock her and caress her while she sleeps in his arms ... or change a leaky diahrrea diaper. If there is a contentious backstory that we are unaware of, it is important to strictly observe regularly scheduled visitations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 I guess I'll be the lone dissenter. Does the baby not have a bed at Daddy's house? No, she does not. Why is he incapable of caring for her when sick? He was picking her up to take her to a babysitter so he could attend a work meeting. I really don't think it's that big of a deal to move a sleeping baby. She would probably go right back to sleep in the car. Abusive? Really? To wake up a child? I think that is insulting to people who have suffered real abuse. In the father's shoes, I might be worried that giving up this visit would start me down the slippery slope, or that the mom would claim that I only wanted the baby when healthy or that I didn't care about missing visits, and that it would be used against me later. Mom offered an alternate day with more time if he let the baby sleep and remain at home. This is baby's first illness and first fever. Ped recommended resting at home until the appot tomorrow morning. Or maybe he just really wants to see his kid? See above. He wasn't even going to see her. He was dropping her off so he could attenda meeting. If I only got to see my child for a few hours here and there, I wouldn't give that time up just because baby is sick. I am perfectly capable of caring for and comforting a sick baby. On the other hand, maybe there is backstory here I am missing, like babydaddy only wants visitation to annoy baby's mom , or he is a jerk in other ways. But on the face of it, I don't see why he is being castigated for wanting to spend time with his child, sick or not. ETA: Ugh. Just noticed the JAWM. I realize this is the second JAWM I've ignored in the last couple of weeks, and I'm sure I'll get trashed for it, but oh well. Apparently JAWM just isn't in my nature, and I'll have to come to terms with that. It's okay. Seeing both perspectives is always a good thing. I appreciate your honesty. No harm, no foul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 He was picking her up to take her to a babysitter so he could attend a work meeting. Well that is weird. I can't imagine choosing a babysitter to care for my child when the child's other parent is available to do it. :( I hope the baby is back home and resting comfortably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Maybe he's heard bad stories from other fathers in this position? I had a good friend that wanted to make nice with the mom, and he deferred to her judgment on when he should/should not see his dd. In court, it all sounded much different that he passed on certain visitation times. He's now (after a long battle) very strict on what the orders say and doesn't deviate. He has to figure out how to be a part time dad though, even when she's sick. It can all be so tricky, and I'm sorry your gd is sick. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) I guess I'll be the lone dissenter. Does the baby not have a bed at Daddy's house? Why is he incapable of caring for her when sick? I really don't think it's that big of a deal to move a sleeping baby. She would probably go right back to sleep in the car. Abusive? Really? To wake up a child? I think that is insulting to people who have suffered real abuse. My dh is here with me in the computer room, working on his laptop, and I read him some of the thread. He agrees that a Dad should be able to care for a sick child. Yet he also said he would never wake a sick child, that a sick child needs sleep. Dh agrees he could manage a child becoming sick on his watch, but neither one of us could imagine either of us moving a sick and sleeping child. We have been parents long enough to understand that a sick child sleeping means the child is not suffering. We promised each other that in the case of divorce (not that we plan it!) , we'd try to make the needs of the child/ren priority #1. Edited September 6, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 For the dissenters IF baby was going to dad's house I might have been able to agree with you, but dad was taking baby and dropping off at a babysitter. Sick babies do not belong at a babysitter, they belong home with a loving parent. In the case of this scenario he is just being a prick, plain and simple Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 It's okay. Seeing both perspectives is always a good thing. I appreciate your honesty. No harm, no foul. Is there some negative background going on between your dd and the baby's father? I don't understand why the father would be acting this way otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 My dh is here with me in the computer room, working on his laptop, and I read him some of the thread. He agrees that a Dad should be able to care for a sick child. Yet he also said he would never wake a sick child, that a sick child needs sleep. Dh agrees he could manage a child becoming sick on his watch, but neither one of us could imagine either of us moving a sick and sleeping child. We have been parents long enough to understand that a sick child sleeping means the child is not suffering. We promised each other that in the case of divorce, we'd try to make the needs of the child/ren priority #1. This is great. Thank you for sharing a man's perspective. I appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Reading through this thread it sounds like the BD is just a jerk. BUT I would like to state for the record that not all of these cases are cut and dry. When I was working in family law/father's rights there were mothers that would OFTEN claim the child was sick (we're talking 2x per month) so as to avoid the father being able to see their child. It doesn't sound like that is the case here, but I hate for people to make assumptions. It sounds like this little one is really sick and the father is just being a prick, though. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EducationX2 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 I just read that the father is picking up the baby to drop off at a babysitter. :001_huh: He has a three hour visitation, and he's using a babysitter? Did I read that right? I understand that thing happen but wow. And Mom is offering a longer visitation when baby is well (and maybe Dad won't need a babysitter?) and he still says no. Well. Maybe he's afraid to miss any schedule times. To the OP- document everything!!!!! Seriously. Mom should go to the store right now and buy a new composition notebook, and document every single interaction with the baby's father. The good, the bad, and the :001_huh:. And you should do the same if you have regular interactions with him, but be sure not to write down anything that your daughter tells you, only the things you actually witness for yourself. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 Well...thank goodness that is over. The babysitter BD took the baby to ended up being his mom so that turned out better than we had hoped. He was there when DD went to pick up the baby. Baby spiked a high fever last night. DD took her to the ped today and she has an ear infection and a red throat. This is the first time she has been ill and DD feels terrible. I feel sorry for them both. -- To all of you - I apologize if it appears I am being evasive. I never know how much info to divulge and how much to keep secret. Thank you all, though, for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Well...thank goodness that is over. The babysitter BD took the baby to ended up being his mom so that turned out better than we had hoped. He was there when DD went to pick up the baby. Baby spiked a high fever last night. DD took her to the ped today and she has an ear infection and a red throat. This is the first time she has been ill and DD feels terrible. I feel sorry for them both. -- To all of you - I apologize if it appears I am being evasive. I never know how much info to divulge and how much to keep secret. Thank you all, though, for letting me vent. I feel so sorry for them, too. Having a divided family is rough on everyone. Ask me how I know. :( It's so hard for a momma to be away from their child much less their sick child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) For the dissenters IF baby was going to dad's house I might have been able to agree with you, but dad was taking baby and dropping off at a babysitter. Sick babies do not belong at a babysitter, they belong home with a loving parent. In the case of this scenario he is just being a prick, plain and simple :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: -- even if the babysitter was the grandma. The only thing I can think of to say in his defense is that maybe he thought his mom could take better care of the sick baby than your dd could, because the baby has never been that ill before? (I know. I know. I'm grasping at straws here.) Edited September 5, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 Is there some negative background going on between your dd and the baby's father? I don't understand why the father would be acting this way otherwise. Without sharing too much - It's just the typical 'he decided he didn't want to be a father, broke up with DD the day she gave birth, had a new gf the next day, current gf calls all of the shots' kind of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Without sharing too much -It's just the typical 'he decided he didn't want to be a father, broke up with DD the day she gave birth, had a new gf the next day, current gf calls all of the shots' kind of thing. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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