How much do your children know about...

[Nakia]

your family's finances? Income/expenses? Cost of living?

 

I grew up knowing "everything" about my parents' income and hearing all the time about how we didn't have any money. We really were kinda poor (I don't know how to word that any better, sorry), and we couldn't afford the stuff a lot of my friends had. But I heard about it all.the.time! I was determined that my children would not be like that. We had a hard time, financially, about two years ago, and I was able to keep that between dh and me, but now, we are having a very hard time, and it seems like I can't keep it private. It's not that I don't want them to be aware that some things are out of our budget because that's life, but I guess I just wonder where the line is, kwim? It hurts my heart to tell them no when we're in the grocery store, but I know it's just the way it is. They have plenty and very blessed children. They aren't selfish or demanding. They think $20 is a ton of money, lol. Only my oldest really has any kind of understanding about the value of a dollar. We are slowly working on teaching them budgeting and things like that.

 

Okay, I'm rambling, so I'll stop.

[Dory]

I like to keep the kids somewhat in the know because I feel that it's easier to teach them how to handle their money, if they are watching how we handle ours.

[hmvaughan4]

We talk about saving and living with a budget (although at his age, I doubt he really understands!). For a while, I just told him we didn't have the money to buy something. But when he asked if we had enough money for a can of soup at the grocery, I changed my wording! :) We try to explain that we do have the money, but we choose not to use it on all of our "wants." He knows that we want to move to the country and must save for a new house.

[frugalmama]

I keep my dd in the know mostly, as then she knows not to ask for things or to only ask for food treats instead of things I have to pay cash for.

[Danestress]

when I was young, my Dad was starting a business, and things were very tight. We could not afford to do a lot of the things my friends did (like going to camp or taking lessons) but they never said it was about money. They always found some other reason.

 

Later, when my Dad's business prospered, they had much more money and did many nice things for us - including paying for our educations fully. But neither of my parents talked about the finances. They were both the kind of people who avoided that. My Dad did talk about the general dangers of using credit, but he didn't personalize it.

 

I *cringe* when people talk about money, especially when they talk about other people's money. I was raised to think that was the height of bad taste.

 

But I do think that it is probably best to come down somewhere in between - to use family finances to educate children but to not burden them with adult problems.

[Sun]

I don't believe that kids need to know (or should know) their family's annual income or the cost of large possessions such as houses or vehicles. He has heard in general $ amounts how much houses cost where we live because I don't want him to grow up thinking that things are much more expensive or inexpensive than they are. I make a conscious effort to speak about value of items (for example, when grocery or clothing shopping). I will comment that I'm not going to buy such and such because it seems to be of poor quality or it's too expensive. I often ask DS to figure out which size container is a better value for us (lowest cost per ounce, etc.). Right now we're trying to save for a large purchase, so we often talk about whether we really need to do or buy something.

 

In other words, I try to keep DS aware of the need to save and budget, but I purposely withhold the specifics.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Dory]

when I was young, my Dad was starting a business, and things were very tight. We could not afford to do a lot of the things my friends did (like going to camp or taking lessons) but they never said it was about money. They always found some other reason.

 

Later, when my Dad's business prospered, they had much more money and did many nice things for us - including paying for our educations fully. But neither of my parents talked about the finances. They were both the kind of people who avoided that. My Dad did talk about the general dangers of using credit, but he didn't personalize it.

 

I *cringe* when people talk about money, especially when they talk about other people's money. I was raised to think that was the height of bad taste.

 

But I do think that it is probably best to come down somewhere in between - to use family finances to educate children but to not burden them with adult problems.

 

:iagree: That is what we are trying to do.

[myfunnybunch]

My kids hear about our finances a little.

 

We talk about finances mostly in regard to making choices. We choose to forgo a second income so that we can homeschool. We choose not to stop for steamers/coffees and we don't eat out often. We choose to pay for lessons and experiences over toys and other stuff. Sometimes we involve them in planning things like vacations (small local trips for our family, since we can't afford to fly here and there) and give them some say in how we spend the trip budget. If they decide they want to have spending money for the fair or they want to go to camp, we ask them how they will participate in earning that money. (They earned their spending money for the fair by having a lemonade stand, for example; one son has a job mowing MIL's lawn on the weekends.)

 

Dh and I try to find a balance so that the children understand that money isn't unlimited but they aren't feeling worried about finances or that their life is constricted. I really believe it comes down to letting them know that we've chosen to forgo the fancy vacations and that when we have an unexpected expense (like a recent car repair), we have to work together to keep our family financially healthy. :)

 

Cat

[Mommyof4ks]

My kids know a good bit about our finances, but we talk about money in terms of choices not in what we have or don't have. We choose to live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, so we have to choose to drive older vehicles. We choose to buy healthy food, so we are choosing to buy fewer clothes. My favorite is we choose to go on vacation, so our furniture is older than we are lol. They understand that we have a set amount of money each month, and we have to make choices based on what is important to us on how to spend it.

[elegantlion]

Ds knows just about everything. We never tried to hide the struggles. We purposely started teaching him money management early because I knew where the emergency checkbook was and that was about all the financial instruction I got at home. Oh, and don't bug dad while he's doing taxes.

 

Now that we've had our share of struggles, they are just there. Ds gets it and we talk a lot about the reasons why, even the ones that are our fault. We talk about the things we couldn't foresee affecting the things we should have foreseen.

 

Ds is very practical and good about money. He's not overly sensitive or worrisome. If he were, we would be having more conversations in private, well at least when he was younger.

 

I'm also very emotional about some of the issues, so I try to have an honest transparency with ds. I think he was born mature though, so a lot of my action are child dependent.

[Shellers]

When my oldest DD21 was younger I never shared any financial information with her and I regret it. So now I tell my kids still at home (DD16, DD15, & DS12) quite a bit about our finances.

 

They know how much my electric, car insurance, health insurance, cell phone bills, internet bills, etc. cost every month. They even know how much a month we spend on food. They know how much my property taxes are and why we need to save up money all year long so we can pay them.

 

I'm not trying to burden my kids with this info but I don't want them to grow up thinking everything is easy to get. My kids really appreciate what they have.

 

My kids have no idea how much my DH earns or how much we have invested. :thumbup1:

[Parrothead]

My parents live by "don't worry the children." This was both with money and health issues.

 

Now that the children are in their 40 and are starting to have a need to know about some of these things they still refuse to talk about it. :glare:

 

Don't worry the children is going to end up costing me time, effort and lawyer's fees if they ever end up with dementia.

 

I don't think kids should have an all access pass to finances and financial decisions, but an age appropriate working knowledge of the family budget is helpful.

[Joshin]

My parents never talked about money with us, and both my sister and I struggled in our early 20s to become financially literate adults. It also got my parents in trouble when they had financial problems in the 80s -- they didn't want us to know so they continued to spoil us and dug themselves in deeper. I won't repeat that mistake with my children. DS12 knows just about everything. He even joined us when we were closing on our home. We ask for our children's feedback on budget items soemtimes and DS12 helps keep the books for our business (with ample supervision -- we consider it consumer math). DS7 knows less but he does understand our family's basic budget.

 

My kids rarely outright ask for things. The common phrase for them is, "Is such-and-such in the budget or can we save for it?" They receive raised eyebrows in stores when they say that! :lol:

 

I just asked DS12 if he was stressed knowing about the family finances. He said no, he thinks it's better because otherwise he'd be afraid all the time we were poor and going to starve when we decline to buy him something he wants.

[swellmomma]

Mine know the big picture but not the nitty gritty details. I want them to have a basic understanding of our financial situation and the cost of living BUT I do not want them saddled with worrying about it.

[MiniBlondes]

We talk about money in terms of ways to be frugal and conserve and stretch a dollar. I view this as a life skill that the girls can use with their own families some day. We don't discuss income, bills, lack of money, etc. I just feel like it's something that they shouldn't have to worry about. If something is too expensive I just say no. If they ask why, I simply repeat myself. I said no. End of discussion.

[Jenny in Florida]

But I do think that it is probably best to come down somewhere in between - to use family finances to educate children but to not burden them with adult problems.

 

I agree.

 

I grew up with parents who consistently out-spent what they earned, but I never understood their financial position. I was indulged in pretty much whatever I wanted and had no clue what was going on behind the scenes.

 

As an adult, I think that was extremely unhealthy.

 

We've always kept our kids in the know to the extent that we can without worrying them. So, when things are tight, we explain why and what we're doing to cope, and we ask for their cooperation to get through a lean time. My feeling is that it's better for them to know what's going on than to worry about it and be frightened.

 

For example, my husband took a pay cut about a year and a half ago in order to get into his current role at work. We anticipated the situation would be pretty temporary and that we'd recover quickly. (We always have in the past.) So, for several months, we took money out of savings to keep up with the financial status quo. We paid for both kids' voice lessons and activities and bought all of our usual small luxuries. We continued to go out to eat a few times a month and so on.

 

Then, just before Christmas, we realized the situation was not as temporary as we'd hoped. We got through the holiday and the following month, then started talking to the kids about how we could cut back and make some changes.

 

Over the last several months, I've had individual conversations with each kid about our financial situation, emphasizing that we're not in danger of being homeless or having a vehicle reposessed, but that we can't afford to support everything they want to do that costs money.

 

My son has given up voice lessons for the moment, which were his biggest expense. He earned a partial scholarship for his dance classes and is doing more of that, instead. He is also planning to keep busy this year volunteering at local museums and theatres, instead of participating in tuition-based extracurriculars.

 

My daughter worked out an agreement with a local dance school to work part time in exchange for dance lessons, because we made it clear we can't afford to pay for that and her voice lessons.

 

Mine are teens, obviously, and able to understand and internalize more information than little kids. But I think sharing age-appropriate information probably makes a kid feel more empowered.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think it is healthy for kids to know to the degree they are able to understand. Of course, you wouldn't want to go overboard and make your kids wish they never knew, that they are scared, etc. But I do think they should have some basic idea, age appropriate of course.

 

Now, my big kids knew a lot more all along. My littles have reason to be a little more worried about how things are so we don't share as much with them. And they are little. So we'll add a little as we go, careful about how we do so and when.

[SebastianCat]

My kids are tweens, and they know things like how much we spend for groceries, how much we budget for clothes, etc. But they don't know yet about how much we pay for bills, the size of our mortgage, etc. I want them to learn all of these details (a la "consumer math" as was mentioned earlier upthread) before they finish high school, but right now they don't quite have the self control to keep the details private.

 

My parents gave me no instruction whatsoever on finances. I did do the grocery shopping for my mom once I was able to drive, and knew how to buy $100 worth of groceries and not go over budget (by basically buying the same things every week), but that was it. And I struggled once I went to college and after. I want my kids to be better educated than I was.

[Ellie]

Not many details. And whenever I told them that we couldn't do something, I decided ahead of time whether I would have allowed them to do it even if we had the money so I wouldn't be blaming everything on being poor.

[Nestof3]

I think there is a huge difference between complaining all the time about finances and just being honest. I think it's good for kids to understand that certain things cannot be bought because it's not in the budget.

[Barb_]

We've had times when we've had much more than we needed. Unfortunately the job situation was awful and not worth the extra money, so dh left for a job making less. We've also had times (twice) when he has been out of work for up to six months at a time. Now we are living in two states and keeping up two households because we are sitting on a (severely) underwater mortgage. We've always been honest with the state of our financial health. I don't think sharing the facts is the same thing as sharing your worrries...or it doesn't have to be. We handle things this way because my dad chose to keep all financial specifics a secret. He wouldn't answer direct questions, even as I grew into my teens. I always felt frustrated and sort of insulted by that.

[jeninok]

We share some, and let DS who is 11 see things like utility bills, fees for car ownership, and other hidden costs of living. There have been times when things were really tough here and there and he has seen some things that would have been more worrisome without honest explanation.

 

There are also times when he asks for something and my honest answer is I would like for you to have that, but I need you to wait for "friday" or a couple of weeks, we then revisit the item and see if he still really wants it.

 

He also recently managed to save enough for an xbox 360, the limited edition R2D2 one. It took him a year of birthdays, holidays, and odd jobs.

 

I ended up chipping in about 75 dollars for a game, and a few extras, but he takes much much better care of it than he had any of his other expenses. knowing what it cost, and having earned it himself.

 

I was in a very comfortable family growing up, but my parents refused to discuess any family finances with me at all, they still won't, and it frankly it feels insulting and weird. And also as the only child, god forbid anything happened and I needed to step in and handle financial details, I would have zero idea where to start. :confused:

 

We have also been honest that our priority is not to be wealthy but rather to have our needs met and have plenty of time with each other.

 

I choose to work part time so that we can homeschool and I can be a good wife and mother, my DH also chose a lower paying job locally, because the travel and time away was just too much.

[Barb_]

One other thought. Kids often figure out more than we realize. In the absence of solid information, they will try and fill in the blanks for themselves. Oftentimes what they imagine is far worse than reality.

[Desert Rat]

I like to keep the kids somewhat in the know because I feel that it's easier to teach them how to handle their money, if they are watching how we handle ours.

 

:iagree: When my dh was laid off for 16 months, our boys were 9 and 6. We told them that we wouldn't have a lot of money, so no extras. No fast food, no movies, treats at the grocery, etc. We also told them that we would make every effort to continue their sports and activities.

We lived our lives as normally as possible. I cried only in the shower. Dh and I discussed specifics after the boys were asleep. I went back to work PT and still do work.

We gave them basic knowledge and we teach them to budget, save and spend wisely. I think it's working! My oldest says his savings account is for retirement! I recently sent him down a crowded aisle at the store to pick up his toothpaste. He came back with a two-pack because it was a better deal and he even had it worked out by how much. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm sorry times are tough, Nakia. We made sure that our boys understood that this is only a season in life. That Dad would go back to work (because that was the truth, no injuries or illness just recession) and our life would return to brighter days.

 

They have. The boys still retain a lot of those lessons. Looking back, I don't ever want to go through that again but we learned so much!

[jelbe5]

Our children know money is tight, but we are also very blessed and are rich in many ways.

 

I remember when my oldest dd complained to me when she was younger. She was comparing our tiny house to the large house of a friend. I told her we could have that, too, but I would have to enroll all three in school and go back to work full time. She thought about that for a minute and decided she could be happy with things the way they are. :D

[TeenagerMom]

My kids kind of learned the hard way after DH lost his job a few years ago. We went to having everything we could ever want to living off of our savings. Things were TIGHT for a few years. They learned to do without extras. We were just honest with them and told them we had enough money to live off of but we needed to be careful that we didn't overspend. I taught them to help me coupon and stockpile. They started saving gift money for things they desired.

 

All in all, I think it taught them some very good lessons in financial management. I went back to work a year ago to ease the burden and it has been SO nice to be able to spend more freely and rebuild our savings. Recently the kids started struggling with my work schedule (nights) and we have made the decision as a family that we would raher do without the extras to allow us to have more time together. My DS's reaction was that we did fine without the extras before and we will do fine again.

[PeacefulChaos]

We haven't really talked about it much at this point, but Link is starting to get more of an understanding of money. When I got gas one day, he was like, 'Is gas normally $70?... :001_huh:... That's a lot.' :lol: He asked one day at lunch something about how much money DH gets paid and DH told him about how much was in each check and then said we pay the bills out of that, and what we have left is what we use for groceries, gas, etc.

So at the moment, not a lot, but I don't mind them knowing. I think as long as it's a matter of fact thing and not complaining or trying to unburden ourselves on our children then there isn't anything wrong with it.

[DawnM]

Some. We share general ideas of how much things cost, tell them what we can and can't afford and why, and we tell them that we are RICH compared to most of the world. I want them to know that, and understand that. They tend to be more appreciative and caring of others when they know.

 

But they don't know Dh's salary. I have told them what mine was in CA when I worked. I think because I want them to know how much I GAVE UP to homeschool them! :lol::lol::lol:

 

Dawn

[Luckymama]

The kids know more as they get older. Ds knows almost everything, the size of our mortgage, dh's income last year, a ballpark figure of how much we have in various forms of savings, etc. Dd12, on the other hand, knows about day-to-day expenses-----the utilities, food, gas for the cars.

 

My parents shared financial information the same way we do. Dh's parents do not share a gosh-darned thing except only to complain when they spend money :mad: We know for certain that fil has a good income and that he's got money squirreled away in places. Dh has pushed his father to share more and more----as the eldest and as the executor once they're gone (plus, he's a Certified Financial Planner! Jeepers :rolleyes:) he feels that he should know at least where the important papers are and where various accounts are held.

 

Grrrrrrrr

 

So we're raising our kids to have a healthy knowledge of personal finance.

[regentrude]

My kids get more information the older they get. When they were younger, they knew that we had enough for our needs and some wants and that one has to save for bigger items - without knowing specific numbers.

Now as teens, they know our income, how much we paid for the house, how much our mortgage payments are, what we pay in taxes. They know what items and groceries cost.

My DD will move out in two years; I find it important that she knows these things. Often, young adults have unrealistic expectations. They need to know what kind of income corresponds to what kind of living standard... and that it may take them a while to achieve the same standard of living as their parents have after decades of working and saving.

Edited August 28, 2012 by regentrude