The proper attitude for parents of gifted kids.

[Greenmama2]

Sigh. I just made my homeschooling blog private because I realised I was hesitating to post what DD has been up to in case some of my irl friends read it. I wish it wasn't so. The grandparents have a password & I use it for record keeping but not wanting to "brag" was interfering.

[beaners]

I've been thinking about this overnight, and I think the problem is that the most socially acceptable way to treat children doing things ahead of or "more" than on the typical timetable is as if it's a shameful secret. It seems like shame is more appropriate than mere secrecy or humility. Doesn't that sound ridiculous and hyperbolic?

 

We don't hide milestones or achievements with joy, like a surprise party waiting to be discovered. If anyone discovers any detail so many of us feel it is only appropriate to deflect to another subject or focus on some inadequacy.

 

I actually caught myself the other day in the middle of telling my daughter that people don't want to know if you're smart. It was a "whoa" moment. Do I really believe the thing that almost just came out of my mouth? I guess I do believe it. I do think that even most of your friends and family don't want to know if you're "gifted" or whatever. I don't mean they don't want you to brag about how you're smarter than they are, because obviously that's unlikeable. These are the people that are supposed to love you, and it still seems like you're supposed to hide that huge part of yourself from them. I know most of that is just baggage from my own life coming up as I tackle challenges with my own children, but it's not an uncommon experience.

[SKL]

:lol: Yes, I know someone like that. Interestingly, although her son is very bright, he generally doesn't come across as anything special. Another friend of DS13 is working a year ahead of his age at DS13's school (and comes top in everything, except PE :tongue_smilie:). He is a sweet, fun boy, but he immediately comes across as obviously very, very intelligent. ... His mother has never said anything about his 'giftedness' other than what a difficult decision they had to make about where to send him to school.

 

My dd is one who may come across as average if not slow. She is shy around people she doesn't know well, physically a little behind (muscle tone, coordination etc.), and when nervous, sometimes acts like a "baby." Which is all fine, until you tell someone she's a grade higher than her age would suggest. (People do ask and there's no way to be vague about it.) So there is that temptation to say, essentially, "she's smarter than she looks." But I've learned to say "she's feeling shy / being silly today" and change the subject.

 

I hear many parents here worry about their kids' advanced speech giving the impression that they are weird or being raised funny. I guess I should be glad I have the opposite problem. :001_smile:

[Five More Minutes]

Can you say more about why you would see hiding their levels as the right thing to do?

 

Oh, Rivka, you have had me thinking so much with this thread! Thanks -- your question and all of the responses have come at a perfect time for me.

 

My desire to hide my daughters' levels (one in reading, the other in math) has come from experiences in real life where their levels have been discovered by other students, including family members who are also being homeschooled. One example: A teenage friend of the family was shocked and embarrassed to discover that my then 5-year old daughter was reading more advanced books than he. His parents had to spend quite a bit of time helping him get over that, and while they were very kind, I think we all wished that he hadn't found her reading in the corner. Many experiences like that have made me want to hide her real level.

 

On the boards here, I've felt brave enough put the material that my daughters are working on in my signature, although I sometimes wait for a while to update it ... :001_smile: I have found other parents' signatures to be so encouraging and helpful to me, particularly when I can see that they are doing "x" level of a curriculum a year or more ahead. It opens my eyes to the possibilities.

 

And it's those possibilities that I really need to see, as I'm afraid my desire to keep their levels secret have gone so far that I've almost been denying them to myself! I realized that when my husband commented on our daughter's reading, and my response to him was, "Really -- it's not that advanced." He, an English teacher, gave me a :001_huh: and graciously left it at that, but it made me reflect for a bit. Why was I so obsessed with saying that she wasn't advanced? And if I openly acknowledged how advanced she was, what would I do differently? I immediately knew that I'd change how we approached LA, and I was horrified with myself. By trying to hide, even minimize, her level, I've inadvertently been trying to bring her down to a much lower level. And that is just ridiculous.

 

I don't know if I'm closer to knowing what I think the right tone is for parents of advanced students, but I do know that being too concerned about hiding their level hasn't been a good solution for us.

 

And I remain so grateful for this forum.

[Crimson Wife]

I've been thinking about this overnight, and I think the problem is that the most socially acceptable way to treat children doing things ahead of or "more" than on the typical timetable is as if it's a shameful secret. It seems like shame is more appropriate than mere secrecy or humility. Doesn't that sound ridiculous and hyperbolic?

 

It's not a shameful secret, it's just not relevant in a purely social situation. Just like I wouldn't go around flaunting my DH's income, I don't go around trumpeting my kids' academic achievements. I wanted to smack the ladies at the park yesterday because they were so obnoxious. The really ironic thing is that these kids didn't sound particularly unusual in what they were doing. A bit ahead of the curve, sure, but nothing that made me think that I needed to quietly pull one aside and recommend testing.

[Beth in SW WA]

My neighbor was proudly telling me that her 3rd grade son (who is now learning long mult & to read on grade level) was asked by his teacher to test for our school district's challenge program because he is verbally clever and considered advanced compared to other students.

 

I'm like :confused:. What in the world is the criteria for 'gifted' these days?

 

I rejoiced with her in this new revelation of her son's 'giftedness'. :tongue_smilie:

 

Slightly OT....

 

I met some 4th grade girls from our local challenge program at a math competition that I was checking out. I asked them the types of things they are learning in their gifted program. They said they were studying the Founding Fathers and learning fractions and decimals. Dd9 & I looked at each other and grinned. We were both surprised that is what they were teaching advanced kiddos.

 

ETA: I love the idea of these girls studying American history. Their class website has an impressive social studies unit.

 

This is why I love homeschooling. I'm a tough customer. I doubt I would be truly satisfied in a public or private scenario. I prefer to hire tutors (for what I don't excel at) and do a very specific, targeted education for my girlies.

 

Pardon my digression.

Edited May 9, 2012 by Beth in SW WA

[Rivka]

I only overheard you talk (sorry I'm rather shy so I didn't come over and talk to you...I could kick myself). You seem like a really down to earth person. I bet nobody says anything because there is nothing to say.

 

Aww. At Valley Forge? I wanted to talk to you, too, but I was too shy. I think of you as one of the popular people on this board, that everyone would want to hang out with, so I didn't think I should try to make the cut.

 

(Note: this doesn't imply anything about the people I did talk to at VF! Oh my gosh, this could get me in a lot of trouble.)

[beaners]

It's not a shameful secret, it's just not relevant in a purely social situation. Just like I wouldn't go around flaunting my DH's income, I don't go around trumpeting my kids' academic achievements. I wanted to smack the ladies at the park yesterday because they were so obnoxious. The really ironic thing is that these kids didn't sound particularly unusual in what they were doing. A bit ahead of the curve, sure, but nothing that made me think that I needed to quietly pull one aside and recommend testing.

 

I don't take part in too many of those purely social situations where you talk with strangers about things you aren't interested in (thank goodness!), so that's really not what I'm referring to. And I did qualify my statement with the word ridiculous. :D

 

When I evade questions from a close friend or a family member, it does feel like I'm trying to hide something shameful. It also seems silly that I'm even concerned about it, because I must be pretty stuck up to think my children are so advanced that people will say I am bragging if anything slips out. Isn't that convoluted?

[Parrothead]

If it's bragging, it's inappropriate, unless it's family and they appreciate it. ...

Unfortunately, often times one will say something like, "My kiddo is at XX level and I need help with finding curriculum for YY so my kiddo is challenged and not bored," and it is taken by others as bragging.

 

I think this is what happened to the thread I stared last week. I got test results back with recommendation. I tried asking for help with the recommendations by posting exactly what the recommendations said. I see now it came across as bragging. But I was (and still am) totally at a loss at to what to do next for dd and don't know where else to turn to ask because I got one semi-helpful answer after the post got 200+ views.

 

This isn't the first time this has happened to me on these boards. And I'm not the only person I've seen it happen to.

 

So, since I don't know the code words/phrases to use I don't talk to anyone (since I have no one IRL I care to discuss her progress with) about dd's needs/progress/abilities.

 

All this to say that I find often times people are so insecure in their parenting they find the least little bit of advancement in other children talked about as bragging.

[Parrothead]

LOL Me popular? Nah I just type too much. ;)

 

It just takes me FOREVER to feel comfortable around people. When I do I don't shut up. :tongue_smilie:

 

I guess message boards are a comfortable format for me.

I could so run with this material and have people :lol::lol::lol: at your expense but I'll be nice since I like you.

[KirstenH]

My neighbor was proudly telling me that her 3rd grade son (who is now learning long mult & to read on grade level) was asked by his teacher to test for our school district's challenge program because he is verbally clever and considered advanced compared to other students.

 

I'm like :confused:. What in the world is the criteria for 'gifted' these days?

 

I rejoiced with her in this new revelation of her son's 'giftedness'. :tongue_smilie:

 

Slightly OT....

 

I met some 4th grade girls from our local challenge program at a math competition that I was checking out. I asked them the types of things they are learning in their gifted program. They said they were studying the Founding Fathers and learning fractions and decimals. Dd9 & I looked at each other and grinned. We were both surprised that is what they were teaching advanced kiddos.

 

ETA: I love the idea of these girls studying American history. Their class website has an impressive social studies unit.

 

This is why I love homeschooling. I'm a tough customer. I doubt I would be truly satisfied in a public or private scenario. I prefer to hire tutors (for what I don't excel at) and do a very specific, targeted education for my girlies.

 

Pardon my digression.

 

Gifted doesn't always mean high achieving or academically successful. In fact, just the opposite is often true. The intensities of truly gifted children can make it difficult for them to "perform" at the same level they're thinking. Just because a child isn't currently sprinting ahead academically doesn't mean he's not gifted. It just means he's not currently fulfilling his potential, either by choice or because of other external/internal factors that need addressing.

 

(That's even before you consider the LARGE number of twice-exceptional kids out there, for whom traditional academic excellence is even MORE difficult.)

[Mommyfaithe]

Gifted doesn't always mean high achieving or academically successful. In fact, just the opposite is often true. The intensities of truly gifted children can make it difficult for them to "perform" at the same level they're thinking. Just because a child isn't currently sprinting ahead academically doesn't mean he's not gifted. It just means he's not currently fulfilling his potential, either by choice or because of other external/internal factors that need addressing.

 

(That's even before you consider the LARGE number of twice-exceptional kids out there, for whom traditional academic excellence is even MORE difficult.)

 

I really think this is what I am dealing with , with my youngest ds. He is exceptionally bright, verbally amazing and a very deep thinker....but he is also immature, lacks fortitude when it comes to "hard" things and is not academically successful right now because...well...because of his attitude. He finds his work easy...but oh my....if I challenge him a bit higher than a smidge at a time.....:glare:

 

I am baffled about what to do with him....

 

And I did have him do the CAT test for his grade level....should I test him at a higher grade??? How would I use those results to help him??

 

I don't even want to go there with IRL people....it would seem like a brag when it is really a quest to help him.

[Jen500]

Unfortunately, often times one will say something like, "My kiddo is at XX level and I need help with finding curriculum for YY so my kiddo is challenged and not bored," and it is taken by others as bragging.

 

I think this is what happened to the thread I stared last week. I got test results back with recommendation. I tried asking for help with the recommendations by posting exactly what the recommendations said. I see now it came across as bragging. But I was (and still am) totally at a loss at to what to do next for dd and don't know where else to turn to ask because I got one semi-helpful answer after the post got 200+ views.

 

This isn't the first time this has happened to me on these boards. And I'm not the only person I've seen it happen to.

 

So, since I don't know the code words/phrases to use I don't talk to anyone (since I have no one IRL I care to discuss her progress with) about dd's needs/progress/abilities.

 

All this to say that I find often times people are so insecure in their parenting they find the least little bit of advancement in other children talked about as bragging.

 

I just wanted to say that I read your post and did not take it as bragging AT ALL. There just wasn't enough information for me to respond, and I'm not 'familiar' enough with your hs'ing to know what to recommend. (I would have liked to give some input but I would want it to be more thoughtful than I felt I could give)

[KirstenH]

I really think this is what I am dealing with , with my youngest ds. He is exceptionally bright, verbally amazing and a very deep thinker....but he is also immature, lacks fortitude when it comes to "hard" things and is not academically successful right now because...well...because of his attitude. He finds his work easy...but oh my....if I challenge him a bit higher than a smidge at a time.....:glare:

 

I am baffled about what to do with him....

 

And I did have him do the CAT test for his grade level....should I test him at a higher grade??? How would I use those results to help him??

 

I don't even want to go there with IRL people....it would seem like a brag when it is really a quest to help him.

 

Mine is like this, too. He will be charging along with something, excelling with it, and then when he hits a part that requires a slight shift in thinking, he absolutely MELTS DOWN, even when he already knows how to do it, if he would only slow down and think for a minute. It's beyond frustrating. Some days, he doesn't even seem like a child ... he just seems like a 4'6", 60-pound pile of bad attitude and negativity. He's like Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde ... absolutely brilliant when he's "on," utterly non-functional when he's "off." His state of being can change in a millisecond. It's amazing and more than a little scary to watch.

 

As far as testing goes, I'm having him do the age-level CAT for reporting purposes. Any private testing we do for his and our benefit will be more detailed and done by a professional psychologist. My goal with the school district is to keep them off my back. My goal for my child is to help him reach his full potential.

[Beth in SW WA]

Gifted doesn't always mean high achieving or academically successful. In fact, just the opposite is often true. The intensities of truly gifted children can make it difficult for them to "perform" at the same level they're thinking.

 

That goes without saying. But in the case of my neighbor, why should he qualify for tax-funded gifted schooling so he can 'perform' at his potential (if that is the case)? It's a shame that truly academically accelerated/gifted students' needs are not met. What would be the point of sending my dd9 there? According to the challenge teacher I spoke with recently, math is taught on grade level and language arts are taught one level up.

 

My neighbor boy loves school. He loves the pace he is working. It is perfect for their family according to them. Why would the school ask him to be in challenge? :confused:

[RanchGirl]

I wrote the "taboo" comment on the other thread, somewhat tongue-in cheek. I actually don't understand getting perturbed about hearing someone else's child is reading a couple years ahead of grade-level. Saying your kid reads well so the early elementary years are a breeze for homeschooling is not offensive in the least.

 

But I do think that almost anything you say to the parent of a non-gifted child about your gifted child's abilities is going to be perceived as bragging.

 

There was a recent thread here where a poster said regarding gifted children "from he to whom much is given, much is expected." It was also likened to something along the lines of "woe is me, I have so much money in the bank I don't know how to spend it." Now when you think about it, rich people certainly have real problems. But poor people do not want to hear about it. They are never going to be able to be supportive. I have a friend whose husband has been out of work for a year, and she is not working either. How thoughtless would it be for me to call them up and complain about my job or my husband's business? I have a friend who insists on bragging to me about her child's ability in sports -- the same sport where my son was cut from the team. I try to be supportive but I am just not the right person for her to talk to about this.

 

I really do not feel a need to generally discuss my children's giftedness to impress people. People who meet them can usually tell. Those who can't tell, have no need to know. What would be the point of me putting a specific iq label on their shirts for the world to see? I want them to have academic/intellectual peer groups, and we do seek them out, but I also think it's awesome that they can get along with everyone on their baseball teams, that is a skill they will need in real-life too.

 

I absolutely do think that we need real support to deal with gifted kids' unique issues, but I don't think we can ask average Joe's parents for help with it. We have a local gifted support group, and there are several yahoo groups, and this forum here at WTM as well. I wouldn't call this forum a completely "safe" place, but it is one where I think you don't have to keep quiet out of concern for triggering someone else's insecurities.

 

That said, I have removed my children's ages and academic levels from my signature because it draws unwanted attention on the other fora here.

 

Rivka, don't be depressed at the lack of opportunities to discuss gifted issues. Be proud of what they are doing, but choose the right audience for discussing it.

[Parrothead]

I just wanted to say that I read your post and did not take it as bragging AT ALL. There just wasn't enough information for me to respond, and I'm not 'familiar' enough with your hs'ing to know what to recommend. (I would have liked to give some input but I would want it to be more thoughtful than I felt I could give)

Thanks, sweetie!:grouphug:

[Bang!Zoom!]

Faithe, your question is a really hard one, about going above grade/age level testing. Kids can be really, really uneven in (and I'm talking pure academics here)- I think part of the problem is taking each field of study or discipline and giving a general survey of the fluency within.

 

I'm having quite the day over here, and feeling very burnt out on several related activities, so having said that - I realize I'm exhausted, tired and could really use and appreciate stories from this section of the forum.

 

Keep the comments rolling, I'm picking up a lot here.

 

On a positive note, a few things in retrospect that were pillars of steel this past year were:

 

Our local librarians. They were and are the number one support for her and me. They never once chided us, provided literal protection from the dogs of war, took a profound interest in her and encouraged her at every turn.

 

This board in general.

 

I have made face to face friendships from here, as well as correspondence support. I think it's important to stop and say to the parents here, you just suck it up and make those posts when compelled and aggravated.

 

Someone else has been in your shoes and walked that path. There is understanding here, but you can't get it if you don't speak up you know?

 

I think also (on the negative side of things) that it just comes with the territory that people are going to misunderstand intent and say/do hurtful things to both the children involved and their parents.

 

Purposefully, or out of sheer ignorance, or the love of hearing their opinions out loud, who knows? There are as many answers to trying to rationalize it as there are individuals at a moment in time. It's really a useless chase, but at the same time, I advocate for coming in here and yelling about it just for relief too. It's a real issue.

[KirstenH]

That goes without saying. But in the case of my neighbor, why should he qualify for tax-funded gifted schooling so he can 'perform' at his potential (if that is the case)? It's a shame that truly academically accelerated/gifted students' needs are not met. What would be the point of sending my dd9 there? According to the challenge teacher I spoke with recently, math is taught on grade level and language arts are taught one level up.

 

My neighbor boy loves school. He loves the pace he is working. It is perfect for their family according to them. Why would the school ask him to be in challenge? :confused:

 

Asking to test him is not the same thing as asking him to be in the program. Public schools are required by law to make every attempt to identify gifted children and offer them comprehensive services, just the same as they do for other special needs populations. Perhaps they see something in him that you do not, something that would indicate he may need a different sort of education than the one he has been getting. If so, then it is their obligation to at least investigate. Schools need permission from the parents to do this sort of testing, though, so if he and his family truly didn't want to change anything, they could have refused.

 

As for your daughter, no, of course no elementary school gifted program is going to meet her needs. She is incredibly advanced and high-performing. The only way to serve her would likely be extreme acceleration, perhaps placing her in late middle or even high school. This would have all sorts of social downsides, of course. Obviously, homeschooling is a better fit for her.

 

The fact that children like yours exist doesn't mean a public school gifted program shouldn't be geared toward serving the majority of gifted children at any given age. I pulled my own child out because the program wasn't meeting his needs, either. That doesn't mean the program is substandard ... it just means it was a poor fit for my child.

Edited May 9, 2012 by KirstenH

[Beth in SW WA]

Asking to test him is not the same thing as asking him to be in the program. Public schools are required by law to make every attempt to identify gifted children and offer them comprehensive services, just the same as they do for other special needs populations. Perhaps they see something in him that you do not, something that would indicate he may need a different sort of education than the one he has been getting. If so, then it is their obligation to at least investigate. Schools need permission from the parents to do this sort of testing, though, so if he and his family truly didn't want to change anything, they could have refused.

 

As for your daughter, no, of course no elementary school gifted program is going to meet her needs. She is incredibly advanced and high-performing. The only way to serve her would likely be extreme acceleration, perhaps placing her in late middle or even high school. This would have all sorts of social downsides, of course. Obviously, homeschooling is a better fit for her.

 

The fact that children like yours exist doesn't mean a public school gifted program shouldn't be geared toward serving the majority of gifted children at any given age. I pulled my own child out because the program wasn't meeting his needs, either. That doesn't mean the program is substandard ... it just means it was a poor fit for my child.

 

I will keep my non-$cientific theory about gifted program$ to my$elf.

 

I really have no authority on this subject so I should just zip it. I have never referred to any of my dc as 'gifted' since I don't have a formal test to verify such a claim.

 

Onward & upward.... :auto:

[FairProspects]

I met some 4th grade girls from our local challenge program at a math competition that I was checking out. I asked them the types of things they are learning in their gifted program. They said they were studying the Founding Fathers and learning fractions and decimals. Dd9 & I looked at each other and grinned. We were both surprised that is what they were teaching advanced kiddos.

 

ETA: I love the idea of these girls studying American history. Their class website has an impressive social studies unit.

 

This is why I love homeschooling. I'm a tough customer. I doubt I would be truly satisfied in a public or private scenario. I prefer to hire tutors (for what I don't excel at) and do a very specific, targeted education for my girlies.

 

Pardon my digression.

 

:iagree:with you, Beth, completely. I found out the culmination of our district's 5th grade gifted program is to research a Greek god and stand in the hallway dressed as such answering questions from passing kids. Really?!? That's all we're missing? Ds loves mythology, it is one of his favorite subjects and he could probably complete that assignment right now. Not because he is so brilliant or anything, but because the assignment itself lacks any depth whatsoever.

[Beth in SW WA]

I found out the culmination of our district's 5th grade gifted program is to research a Greek god and stand in the hallway dressed as such answering questions from passing kids. Really?!? That's all we're missing?

 

:lol:

[jenbrdsly]

Public schools are required by law to make every attempt to identify gifted children and offer them comprehensive services, just the same as they do for other special needs populations.

 

 

 

I'm sorry to say this, but that's not true. The laws very state to state at this point. :glare:

[jenbrdsly]

That goes without saying. But in the case of my neighbor, why should he qualify for tax-funded gifted schooling so he can 'perform' at his potential (if that is the case)? It's a shame that truly academically accelerated/gifted students' needs are not met. What would be the point of sending my dd9 there? According to the challenge teacher I spoke with recently, math is taught on grade level and language arts are taught one level up.

 

My neighbor boy loves school. He loves the pace he is working. It is perfect for their family according to them. Why would the school ask him to be in challenge? :confused:

 

Our ps gifted program teaches all subjects a grade level up, at the minimum. It’s like being able to skip a grade, but without the potential social repercussions.

[poetic license]

:iagree:with you, Beth, completely. I found out the culmination of our district's 5th grade gifted program is to research a Greek god and stand in the hallway dressed as such answering questions from passing kids. Really?!? That's all we're missing? Ds loves mythology, it is one of his favorite subjects and he could probably complete that assignment right now. Not because he is so brilliant or anything, but because the assignment itself lacks any depth whatsoever.

 

Hey, that was the same assignment I had in my gifted fifth grade class! :lol: If I, as a mildly gifted person was completely unchallenged by my gifted/magnet schooling (in one of the best counties in the US, mind you), then it's likely that the truly gifted students did not benefit at all.

[FairProspects]

Hey, that was the same assignment I had in my gifted fifth grade class! :lol: If I, as a mildly gifted person was completely unchallenged by my gifted/magnet schooling (in one of the best counties in the US, mind you), then it's likely that the truly gifted students did not benefit at all.

 

:lol:

 

I'm kind of jaded because I was lucky enough to come through a pretty decent gifted pull-out and our 5th grade culminating assignment was to create an entire civilization - including language, history, legends of origin, culture, etc. We then had to create artifacts that would be the best clues to our civilization (including a coded Rosetta Stone), smash them up, and build an archeological dig site for another school on the grounds. We switched sites, formed grids and did an archeological dig, preserving artifacts and tagging them like professional archeologists. Then we had a few weeks to crack the other school's language, interpret their civilization, synthesize the information and present it back to the school. It was so much fun, and I wish my kids would have the opportunity to do projects like that.

[KirstenH]

I'm sorry to say this, but that's not true. The laws very state to state at this point. :glare:

 

Yes, you're right. That was careless of me. I've always lived in states with identification mandates and assumed that was the case nationwide. My mistake. Here is an interactive map of state laws:

 

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/state_policies.aspx

[Kathy G]

Even with mandates, you never know. I lived in a district with state mandates and they were useless. The district had a beautiful statement outlining all of their identification and programming. I brought it to my principal (one of the creators of the gifted document) and he told me they don't have the funds to follow it, even though my son met all criteria. I guess I could have gotten ugly and brought it to the state dept of ed etc. But really- is it worth it? The school would have hated me and it would not have been worth it. Homeschooling was much easier.

[Dmmetler]

Yeah, I know what you mean. My district's initial response when I asked about GT programming for my then 3 1/2 yr old was "She can take AP courses in high school".

 

Uh....somehow, that's not much of a help, now, is it?

 

My district does no GT programming before 3rd grade, and usually not until the end of 3rd since the screening test is done towards the beginning and it takes that long for the identification to be complete. Before that, even if you get a gIEP, what's provided is "consult services"-which means that the classroom teacher is on her own, but there's some GT certified teacher, who has never taught K-2 because there's not a GT program for those grades, who is supposed to help out. In my DD's case, they also reluctantly agreed to let her enter K early, something that only worked because she'd chosen to come early-had she come on her due date, she would have been past the December 31 cutoff for even early entry to K.

 

 

What I've noticed IRL is that the parents who most understand my frustrations and struggles to get DD what she needs are those who I feel guilty even mentioning them to-the parents who have kids with fairly severe special needs. The parents who understand least are those with bright kids who are always on the honor roll or who are sailing through a grade level curriculum (maybe a grade level up) without issue at home.

[KirstenH]

I will keep my non-$cientific theory about gifted program$ to my$elf.

 

I really have no authority on this subject so I should just zip it. I have never referred to any of my dc as 'gifted' since I don't have a formal test to verify such a claim.

 

Onward & upward.... :auto:

 

Are you implying that public school gifted programs are somehow about money? I'm just trying to understand your post. According to the map I just posted, in many states, gifted education is an unfunded (or underfunded) mandate, so I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that theory. What would be the financial benefit to a school district of having an ineffective gifted program?

 

As far as using the "gifted" label: I'm not a fan of the word, myself, but it's very effective shorthand for a certain kind of kid. I think if more parents knew what giftedness was really all about, they'd fear the label more. That said, it's no skin off my back if someone with a bright, capable child wants to call their kid "gifted." An intelligent, emotionally stable, socially functional child IS a gift. I honestly tend to think of my own child more as simply "intense." Intensely intelligent, intensely impulsive, intensely moody, intensely creative, intensely anxious, intensely hyperactive, intensely imaginative. In other words ... intensely himself.

Edited May 10, 2012 by KirstenH

[KirstenH]

Even with mandates, you never know. I lived in a district with state mandates and they were useless. The district had a beautiful statement outlining all of their identification and programming. I brought it to my principal (one of the creators of the gifted document) and he told me they don't have the funds to follow it, even though my son met all criteria. I guess I could have gotten ugly and brought it to the state dept of ed etc. But really- is it worth it? The school would have hated me and it would not have been worth it. Homeschooling was much easier.

 

This is why we homeschool, as well. The only reason I brought up mandates was to point out that in the case of Beth's neighbor child, the school is likely simply following state law.

[dharmacat]

An intelligent, emotionally stable, socially functional child IS a gift. I honestly tend to think of my own child more as simply "intense." Intensely intelligent, intensely impulsive, intensely moody, intensely creative, intensely anxious, intensely hyperactive, intensely imaginative. In other words ... intensely himself.

 

What a great way to express it.

[Diviya]

IRL, I never call my kids gifted, and I only state what they are working on if someone asks directly. On the boards, I never call them gifted either, but I will include their ages if I feel it's relevant. I think a lot of it goes back to how I was treated when I was growing up. Sad, but true. We all have baggage!

 

Rivka, I did talk to you at Valley Forge, and I never felt you were bragging about anything, fwiw. :001_smile:

[Bang!Zoom!]

I am not sure that Kristen means PS programs in particular, it may be a much wider thought than that.

 

I do believe there is an entire industry built on a loosely defined expression of "gifted" - as a label goal...

 

I do believe there are sincere organizations, teachers and other constructs that handle the wide variety of acceleration and talent in an intelligent & professional manner.

 

I think there are many serious challenges in creating communities, programs or other avenues of support that cut to the chase & avoid financial hardships for families as well.

[LisaKinVA]

For me, it is such a welcome relief to find a group who understand my kids, and who can help me. I have one friend in town I feel a strong kinship with in this regard. I feel like I can tell her (or ask her) anything, and there is no judgement only support.

 

To a degree, I feel that way here on this forum.

 

The rest of my life is lived with minimal interaction with anyone with regard, and I panic just a bit if anyone asks me specifics about my children. Every once in awhile I'll post something funny that's said, but for the most part I focus on efforts involved, praising hard work as the accomplishment not a random level.

[Bang!Zoom!]

You know that panic issue you mentioned Lisa? I've seen and felt that a million times. I'm going on 47, so yes, that math works out nicely..lol...

 

I'm going to share a little story from the other day, here is a brief background.

 

Myself, early reader. Actually all my siblings were. And the vast majority of the next generation are/were. Comprehension was never an issue either. We all had to grow into our shoes.

 

This youngest dd here, same pattern, early reader, comprehension not a problem. BTDT, but - ah...she has this fabulous instructor who I absolutely revere for the time being. I'm honestly star struck by his talent as an educator in reading; really rare bird here.

 

I was in his presence the other day, shuffling my feet around, trying to find the right way to get an opinion or some guidance, and that panic sensation you spoke about set in.

 

This man is sharp, he picked up on my unsaid thoughts, he knew instinctively almost what it was that was on my mind and I couldn't form the words to say.

 

So this is what he said.

 

"I've seen this before, children like your daughter. My own daughter was reading high school texts at age four. She's going to be okay."

 

It was like this ancient family photograph appeared before me and we were somehow genuinely connected for a minute there. He told me about his very first reading experience in a very poetic way, we really clicked.

 

Since then, he's been giving her books for this summer and next years plans. He also admonished me to take her outdoors more often and read "out there."

 

He is truly like sitting in the presence of the Pope or something I admire him so much.

 

OTOH- here...on the forums, if you are misunderstood and talk about any sort of age/level (out of range, disconnected or unexpected) correlation- one does run the risk of being made fun of, the town fool, etc.

 

A lot of the times when I see another poster getting grief or judged, it's really difficult; but I have to remember there's a full grown adult on the other end receiving it, and they can handle themselves perfectly fine.

 

If I've ever felt a venom-laced remark aimed at me or my daughter in particular, I tell myself I'm a guest in someone else's home, and I better act like it.

[Runningmom80]

Well, for the record, Rivka, I always enjoy your posts, and never feel like you are bragging. I understand why you are questioning it though, there are mixed opinions about the whole "gifted" thing on this particular board.

 

 

I learned that I need to sensor myself more on the general board. In the BA guinea pigs thread I posted to legitimately just join the discussion, but a lot of the posts after mine were, "wait so a 5 yo can do BA, I mean I thought it was supposed to be challenging.". How do I even begin to respond to that? :confused:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Well, for the record, Rivka, I always enjoy your posts, and never feel like you are bragging. I understand why you are questioning it though, there are mixed opinions about the whole "gifted" thing on this particular board.

 

 

I learned that I need to sensor myself more on the general board. In the BA guinea pigs thread I posted to legitimately just join the discussion, but a lot of the posts after mine were, "wait so a 5 yo can do BA, I mean I thought it was supposed to be challenging.". How do I even begin to respond to that? :confused:

 

By saying, "Well, I guess that depends on the 5yo, doesn't it." :grouphug:

[Runningmom80]

By saying, "Well, I guess that depends on the 5yo, doesn't it." :grouphug:

 

Well THAT would have opened a can of worms. :lol::lol::lol: :tongue_smilie:

[DianeW88]

I just don't say anything.

 

No stuff in the signature, no stuff on Facebook, nothing.

 

:iagree:I never bring it up.

[Rivka]

I learned that I need to sensor myself more on the general board. In the BA guinea pigs thread I posted to legitimately just join the discussion, but a lot of the posts after mine were, "wait so a 5 yo can do BA, I mean I thought it was supposed to be challenging.". How do I even begin to respond to that? :confused:

 

To be fair, I think what gave people pause was the idea that you were jumping straight from Singapore 1a to BA 3a. It's one thing to say that BA can be completed by a very young math-gifted child, and another thing to say that it can be completed based on no greater math foundation than the first half of a first grade program.

[deacongirl]

I remember in 7th grade trying to hide my standardized test scores because of messages like this...when my friend grabbed the paper out of my hand I made him promise not to tell anyone what they were. I absolutely DO NOT want my daughters to feel the need to hide their abilities.

 

I have a kid with Down syndrome so I do feel like a get a pass sort of on "bragging"--(I don't think of it as bragging, but I suppose it could be perceived that way)--I know what it is like to have kids at both ends of the curve, and I share the challenges and joys of both. I also feel like a can "brag" more easily about dd5, because she was adopted, and since we don't share genetics I am not taking any credit for her intelligence! :001_smile: And, I just got over being afraid of "bragging" about her. Anyone who spends any time with her knows that her gifts come with challenges--and especially when she was younger and I thought I was insane or the worst mother in the world it was just impossible to talk about her intensity without bringing up the "g" word.

 

Last year dd11 said something funny while reading Pride and Prejudice--I debated posting it on FB--but I have friends who I knew would get a kick out of it, who know her and love her, and I was too lazy to figure out who would laugh and who would be threatened/offended/etc. so I just posted it. It is who she is. I am proud of her (not because she is smart, but because of what she does with what she has been given) and I am not going to apologize for it. If you have a problem with that, defriend me on FB, ignore me, avoid me whatever. I have managed to find kindred spirits who are supportive. (Although--aside from family I only told 2 friends her Explore scores--friends whose dds are probably more gifted than dd who I felt could genuinely celebrate--the same two friends who are the only ones I told we were applying to DYS--hi girls if by any chance you are reading this!)

 

It will be interesting to navigate as we are currently requesting a grade skip for dd11 and I am sure that will bring up many questions (and criticisms). Homeschooling is still on the table in the future, which is why I am here.

[snowbeltmom]

I haven't read through the entire thread, but I did notice a couple of other posters comment about the fact that they have no information in their signatures.

 

I have been "attacked" a couple of times on the other board areas based on my signature - which simply listed the kids curricula. I have deleted the information, but I am thinking about listing the information again when we get started in the fall.

 

I am a newbie on these boards. I have discovered a lot of great curricula programs (especially for dd) from reading other posters' signatures.

 

I hope more of you will consider posting your curricula choices in your signatures. While there will be some that consider it bragging, there will be many more who could benefit from the information.

[Runningmom80]

To be fair, I think what gave people pause was the idea that you were jumping straight from Singapore 1a to BA 3a. It's one thing to say that BA can be completed by a very young math-gifted child, and another thing to say that it can be completed based on no greater math foundation than the first half of a first grade program.

 

 

That could be true, but the way the responses were worded, the emphasis was on his age, not the acceleration.

 

 

So would it had been better if I would have said "we just finished up Singapore 2b, and moved on to beast?" If that's the case, I'm right back where I started. ;)

[jennynd]

I just don't say anything.

 

No stuff in the signature, no stuff on Facebook, nothing.

 

I have been hurt too many times to count. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

yep. I have no siggy, never talk what my kids do in school on facebook. Never talk about my kids to friends IRL. Only family knows what my kids are doing and periodic post here. It avoid a lot unnecessary $#@!?

I learned it the hard way, never make that mistake.

[Kathy G]

I have been too lazy to put curricula etc after my name, and I probably won't. That might be the introvert side of me coming out- or the fact that we like to do so much outside the regular curricula.

 

I LOVE it when people do put curricula in there. More than once I have read a post and thought- wow that sounds like my kid- what do they use for science?- and it is listed.

 

There are people on this board with children who are either above or below my kids in all areas. I don't get envious- we have enough issues where we are at! I feel very encouraged to see other kids multiple grade levels ahead. It is hard to find in real life and makes me feel like I am not the only one.

 

So- keep putting it in your signatures if you wish!

[Dmmetler]

I do wish there were an easy way to change your sig for different boards. For example on this board, it's helpful to have specifics. It would be kind of nice to NOT have the "my child is years ahead academically" sig when I'm asking for help on SID issues on the Special ed board, though-or when I'm posting with my "former ps math lab teacher" hat on because someone's child is struggling.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I've been thinking about this overnight, and I think the problem is that the most socially acceptable way to treat children doing things ahead of or "more" than on the typical timetable is as if it's a shameful secret. It seems like shame is more appropriate than mere secrecy or humility. Doesn't that sound ridiculous and hyperbolic?

 

 

 

This made me remember that when I told some (safe to tell) people that ds3 was reading, I was embarassed. I wasn't ashamed of him; I was afraid of looking like I was bragging. But I couldn't look them in the eye when I said it! I was afraid of being accued (or them thinking but not saying) of hothousing or exagerating.

 

:lol:

 

I'm kind of jaded because I was lucky enough to come through a pretty decent gifted pull-out and our 5th grade culminating assignment was to create an entire civilization - including language, history, legends of origin, culture, etc. We then had to create artifacts that would be the best clues to our civilization (including a coded Rosetta Stone), smash them up, and build an archeological dig site for another school on the grounds. We switched sites, formed grids and did an archeological dig, preserving artifacts and tagging them like professional archeologists. Then we had a few weeks to crack the other school's language, interpret their civilization, synthesize the information and present it back to the school. It was so much fun, and I wish my kids would have the opportunity to do projects like that.

 

I am SOOO jealous! I would LOVE to do something like that!