SIL, Brother & 4 kids camped out in your living room for a week?

[ThisIsTheDay]

How would you feel? Would you just do it? Other thoughts?

 

I would also be :ack2:, and it would not happen at my house.

 

I would ask if they can spend one night with us, though, so that we can see them while they are in town. But just one.

[rosesinsummer]

To answer a few questions:

 

SIL's sister is graduating for college. They coincidentally live about 45 minutes away from us. There is no other family of SIL here anymore. We are not close to SIL's family nor are we invited to the graduation.

 

Reading between the lines I've figured 1) SIL's sister and dh have a small one bedroom apartment. 2)SIL's sister and dh veto'd them staying due to space. 3) SIL's sister and dh do not have enough $ to feed them all for a week, nor do they want to. I'm 99% sure SIL's sister's dh said No.Way.in He** 4) SIL would prefer to be here for kids to see their cousins and grandmother (my mom lives here). SIL knows we have more space and a backyard. SIL has no qualms about imposing on our family for food, toiletries, toys, babysitting or anything else. She will make herself quite at home in our living room, as she is apparently used to camping out in other people's homes.

 

I don't know if my bro knows about this or not. He could have said to SIL-- "I don't think she'll go for it; we better plan to get a motel and cut out a few of your pet budget items." ;) SIL said (in my imagination) to him, "I'm fine with the living room floor and imposing on your sister for a week, but don't you dare take away my pet budget items to pay for a motel!"

 

I have a feeling SIL knew I wouldn't be excited about the idea, hence her letter in snail mail form.

[itsheresomewhere]

To answer a few questions:

 

SIL's sister is graduating for college. They coincidentally live about 45 minutes away from us.

 

 

 

Back the train up- they only live 45 minutes from you and want to stay a week? Double hockey sticks no. Do what normal people do, come visit for the day and then go home.

[tex-mex]

Well, my MIL used to say, "Guests are like fish. After 3 days, they both stink up the home." ;) And that is soooo true!

 

I only read the first page. I have to chime in and tell SIL sorry, but no room at my home. Why can't they camp out at an RV Park or State Park instead? Drive to the ceremony and then on another day see you all for one dinner. Then say goodbye.

[rosesinsummer]

To answer a few questions:

 

SIL's sister is graduating for college. They coincidentally live about 45 minutes away from us.

 

 

 

Back the train up- they only live 45 minutes from you and want to stay a week? Double hockey sticks no. Do what normal people do, come visit for the day and then go home.

 

I think you misread. The SIL's sister lives 45 minutes away from us. My bro and SIL are a two day drive, one way, out of state.

[itsheresomewhere]

 

I think you misread. The SIL's sister lives 45 minutes away from us. My bro and SIL are a two day drive, one way, out of state.

 

Ok thanks. I still say no. Keep the peace.

[bettyandbob]

I guess I would counter offer a 2 night limit. I would speak to my brother and not SIL.

[tex-mex]

To answer a few questions:

 

SIL's sister is graduating for college. They coincidentally live about 45 minutes away from us. There is no other family of SIL here anymore. We are not close to SIL's family nor are we invited to the graduation.

 

Say whaaaaaaaat??? :001_huh:

 

Oh heck no. There is no way I would let them stay in my home if they lived that CLOSE by. She is being a mooch or just being socially awkward with asking too much.

[bettyandbob]

So the family's plan is to drive 2 days and see SIL's sister graduate. Where are they staying the day before or after graduation--they must be staying overnight somewhere one of those nights.

 

Well, I'm still with the offering of 2 nights I suggested in another post.

[rosesinsummer]

Say whaaaaaaaat??? :001_huh:

 

Oh heck no. There is no way I would let them stay in my home if they lived that CLOSE by. She is being a mooch or just being socially awkward with asking too much.

 

Again to clarify-- it's the SIL's sister who lives 45 minutes away. My bro and SIL are a two day drive, one way, out of state. That's why she wants to stay a week because it's a 4 day drive, round trip.

[rosesinsummer]

So the family's plan is to drive 2 days and see SIL's sister graduate. Where are they staying the day before or after graduation--they must be staying overnight somewhere one of those nights.

 

Well, I'm still with the offering of 2 nights I suggested in another post.

 

That is a very good question, and I don't know the answer. The letter made me go hmmmm..... too.

 

It's like she implied, we'll drive two days, stay 1 night somewhere (the car? a motel for 1 night? YMCA? ) go to the graduation ceremony, and then drive back if you don't put us up for a week at your house.

 

Very weird, but that is my SIL. :tongue_smilie:

[QuirkyKapers]

Even after reading everyone's thoughts, I still wouldn't do it. However, in trying to think it through, what if you told them they need to get their own meals, you aren't fixing? Or if you went out to eat and asked for separate bills for one meal a day? I have been trying to figure out if I were you what would make me feel better about the situation. I think it would be to set some boundaries up front.

 

Would your kids sleep ok if they were in your bedroom?

What if your mom gives up her sleeping space and sleeps in the living room since she is more gung ho about the idea?;)

 

I would do very simple meals. Like breakfast is cereal. Lunch is lunch meats. Dinner is on the grill or pizza or spaghetti. If they want something different, they can go buy it and make it. I know we just had a huge get together over Easter. The menu was planned out. If we wanted extra's, we went and bought the items. However, everyone each brought something as far as food went. Perhaps they could provide all the drinks, chips, fruit or whatever else would be non perishable?

 

Maybe you could do one meal for everyone and have the other meals that they are responsible for getting on their own? Again, this worked well for us over Easter. I think cereal and milk were available, but other folks went out to the store and got donuts or whatever else they wanted. For lunch, we were on our own. We ate out. Eating out gave our family space from one another since we didn't all go out together. In fact, my sil bought food and ate at the house.

 

What are your dh thoughts on this?

 

Good luck! :grouphug:

Edited April 17, 2012 by QuirkyKapers

[rosesinsummer]

I guess I would counter offer a 2 night limit. I would speak to my brother and not SIL.

 

I may go for 3 nights, but only for my mom and bro's sake. I think her sister should give them a place to sleep for a while-- it's HER graduation they are coming here for. If she wasn't graduating, we wouldn't be seeing them at all.

[Rosie_0801]

Ok, SIL is a rude person, but doesn't cross the line into creepy so I would put up with her for a few days for the sake of Grandma and the kids.

 

"Hi SIL,

We'd love to have you stay for a couple of days. Unfortunately we can't host you for a whole week because my otherwise pleasant children turn into ferals when they are sleep deprived and that's no fun for anyone. We have x number of sleeping bags, pillows and lilos, so please bring whatever else you need to make up the right number. You are welcome to stay on this and this night, and we'll get the blokes making pancakes for breakfast. I'm afraid we can't afford to provide dinners for everyone, but I'm sure you can chip in so we can rustle up spaghetti or have a pizza party or something and make sandwiches for lunch."

 

Since SIL isn't a person I trust to chip in, I would not have enough ingredients in the house to do anything but tide young tummies over and I'd send the blokes down to the shop.

 

I'd also use lots of phrases like "well since the dads have done X, I'm afraid we mums have to Y."

 

 

Rosie- who thinks it is weird to drive 2 days to see someone graduate. But I didn't even go to my own graduation. :p

[QuirkyKapers]

"Hi SIL,

We'd love to have you stay for a couple of days. Unfortunately we can't host you for a whole week because my otherwise pleasant children turn into ferals when they are sleep deprived and that's no fun for anyone. We have x number of sleeping bags, pillows and lilos, so please bring whatever else you need to make up the right number. You are welcome to stay on this and this night, and we'll get the blokes making pancakes for breakfast. I'm afraid we can't afford to provide dinners for everyone, but I'm sure you can chip in so we can rustle up spaghetti or have a pizza party or something and make sandwiches for lunch."

 

Since SIL isn't a person I trust to chip in, I would not have enough ingredients in the house to do anything but tide young tummies over and I'd send the blokes down to the shop.

 

I'd also use lots of phrases like "well since the dads have done X, I'm afraid we mums have to Y."

 

 

Rosie- who thinks it is weird to drive 2 days to see someone graduate. But I didn't even go to my own graduation. :p

 

:iagree: Well said Rosie! I must be tired because this just struck me as :lol:

[kitten18]

Actually' date=' I'd be more than happy to have my siblings and their families stay with us- and we really don't have the room.

 

It's all about the memories![/quote']

:iagree:

 

 

Cousins, cousins, here come the boys!

Bedlam, mayhem, noise noise noise!

Blow up the air mattresses

Hide the breakable toys!

Cousins, cousins, here come the boys!

...

I love to see your cousins come, and I love to see them go!

 

That's our family's favorite song for these situations. It's by Tom Chapin.

 

Sleeping bags all around, keep the stuff stowed in bedrooms.

 

Loaves and fishes for meals.

 

Wouldn't have it any other way. The memories and relationships are so precious.

:iagree:

 

Unless you absolutely can't afford the food, I cannot imagine resenting feeding family for a week.

:iagree:

[rosesinsummer]

Ok, SIL is a rude person, but doesn't cross the line into creepy so I would put up with her for a few days for the sake of Grandma and the kids.

 

"Hi SIL,

We'd love to have you stay for a couple of days. Unfortunately we can't host you for a whole week because my otherwise pleasant children turn into ferals when they are sleep deprived and that's no fun for anyone. We have x number of sleeping bags, pillows and lilos, so please bring whatever else you need to make up the right number. You are welcome to stay on this and this night, and we'll get the blokes making pancakes for breakfast. I'm afraid we can't afford to provide dinners for everyone, but I'm sure you can chip in so we can rustle up spaghetti or have a pizza party or something and make sandwiches for lunch."

 

Since SIL isn't a person I trust to chip in, I would not have enough ingredients in the house to do anything but tide young tummies over and I'd send the blokes down to the shop.

 

I'd also use lots of phrases like "well since the dads have done X, I'm afraid we mums have to Y."

 

 

Rosie- who thinks it is weird to drive 2 days to see someone graduate. But I didn't even go to my own graduation. :p

 

:lol::iagree: Thanks for that. I'll have to use the term "blokes" and watch her face. :lol: The more I think about it, the more I'm sure I will not offer more than 2-3 nights. If they want more visiting time, maybe they can swing an extra night or two in the motel. That's their choice. My sanity comes first.

 

I also love the idea of sending the *blokes* (my bro and dh) off to the grocery store. I know my dh will have no qualms asking to split the grocery bill and my bro would be willing. My dh barely tolerates SIL.

 

Yes, I will need to keep my sense of humor, for sure!

 

. On the bright side, my kids see nothing but fun cousin time, so for their sakes and my mom's, I'll grin and bear it.

[Catwoman]

I may go for 3 nights, but only for my mom and bro's sake. I think her sister should give them a place to sleep for a while-- it's HER graduation they are coming here for. If she wasn't graduating, we wouldn't be seeing them at all.

 

Do what you think is best, but I have to warn you -- if you don't particularly like your SIL and if your brother's kids get on your nerves after a while, you're setting yourself up for World War III after a day or two, when you're down to your last nerve, your kids and their kids are overtired and fighting with each other, and you're starting to see the expenses adding up. Additionally, you're bound to be resentful of the fact that the only reason they want to visit you at all is because they want a free place to stay for a week, along with free food and probably other free entertainment.

 

If you don't absolutely love your SIL's company, I think you're making a huge mistake by allowing a multi-day visit. Sometimes, a bit of distance keeps family relationships stronger than too much togetherness does. Be sure you know your limits before you agree to anything.

[fraidycat]

MY family...yes, I'd love to have them stay for a week. Camped out wherever there is room is how it's done in my family so I wouldn't think twice about it. I remember several times as a child having to "camp out" in the living room on couches or the floor with cousins because visiting adults (aunts and uncles) got the beds. It was always and blast and is one of my fondest memories from childhood.

 

If it were my bro and SIL, we all get along fairly well, and we are not afraid to discipline each others' kids if and when necessary. I expect to be the one to put them up because we do live far away. When my parents visit, we usually even give them our bed and DH and I camp out on the Corda-Roys.

[CalicoKat]

If you had no guest room available, would you be okay with this? My SIL wrote me a letter basically stating that they cannot (or will not) pay to stay in a motel for a week. So, either we put up the family of 6 in our living room for a week or they will not visit us, just go to her relative's graduation and then leave (they are out of state). My mother already lives with us, thus the reason for no spare room and cramped quarters in our home.

 

She writes that she grew up doing this all the time with her grandparents and last year at her sister's wedding they camped out on the floor of the living room with full blessing.

 

I love my bro, and I tolerate my SIL. I love my nieces and nephews, but the thought of them staying in my home for a week is.....:ack2:

 

How would you feel? Would you just do it? Other thoughts?

 

No way. You might suggest that they invest in a popup camper or a tent. And give them the name of a few local campgrounds.

 

I think she's asking way too much. We're out of state for family now and my mil basically told us no way would we be invited ever to stay with them if we moved. Okay. :D

 

IF we visit it's a quick one night at the hotel. IF we can afford to buy a hard side camper this fall we will for the purpose of visiting friends and family back there. IF.

[TexasRachel]

My brothers live 1/2 way across the country from us. DH's gma lives on the other side of the country. Getting either place takes 2+ days of straight driving or flying. Because of this, visits to family involve lots of time for us. If we want to visit DH's gma we have to pay for a hotel. We've seen her once in 16 years of marriage. It's just too much $. Visits to my Db's means we sleep on air mattresses in their living rooms. We split up between their houses or we all would get shoved into one room. It's why we are able to see them with more regularity. However, last summer, I made multiple trips to Costco and the grocery store while we were there. I think sil cooked once. My mom or I did the rest of the time. We left way more food there than they had when we got there and I think that's how it should be. Sheets and towels were in the wash when we left. We were there 10 days, however, we split up the stay with a couple of overnight trips to visit other close relatives. This is the key, I think. We tried to plan activities that would get us out of their hair sometimes. Even the park was a nice break.

 

I think, if you decide to let them stay, talk to your db and outline a plan. Flat out tell him that he'll need to go to the grocery store to pick up stuff because you can't pay for the added people. That everyone is to be up by x am. Etc. And make sure they have plans to do something beside sit on your couch for a week. They need to realize that it is an imposition that has nothing to do with how much you love them, but that courtesy still needs to be there.

[chepyl]

I would put brother and SIL in the kids bedroom and let the cousins camp out in the living room together. We just spent spring break in a 6 bedroom, 3 bathroom, one small kitchen house on the beach....12 adults and 17 kids! It was awesome. Was their conflict, yes; was there incredible family bonding, yes!

 

We had kids 12 months to 16 years hanging out and having a blast.

 

Was this an email? I have a few SILs who can be quite abrupt in writing. They dont mean to come off that way, but it does. Maybe she was just having a hard time expressing herself, and maybe she does not like to talk money.

[StephanieZ]

I'd put all my kids in my own bedroom on the floor, or in a tent in the back yard if they are old enough.

 

I'd offer more tent space (borrowed if I don't have enough) for the SIL/BIL's kids b/c they'd probably think that was great fun.

 

Then I'd move SIL/BIL (and any of their too-young-to-be-without-Mom&Dad kids) one of my kids' bedrooms. I'd have the evicted kids pack suitcases/bags of their clothes & stuff into another room (mine probably) so that they don't have to invade SIL/BIL's one private room.

 

My BR: me/dh/our kids unless they are in the yard

BR #2: Inlaws & whichever of their kids they want to cram in there with them

Rest of kids = whereever. I don't care.

 

I *routinely* evict our kids from their BRs when we have guests. They think it is fun. They expect it. They know it is part of being gracious hosts. We have an unfinished basement with a sofa bed and an air mattress . . . If they don't have a single BR to share, they go there. If we had so many guests that we needed the basement for guests, we'd put the kids on our floor.

 

If there were any MORE spare bedrooms or a basement, I'd have kids camp out all together (or in age or gender groups) into the spare spaces.

 

I'd plan plenty of outdoor play and outings to large spaces such as museums/parks/pools/etc.

 

I think it is unreasonable to expect relatives who are visiting YOU to get a hotel. If they WANT to, fine. But, if you WANT them to visit you, then YOU provide lodging and food! I never let people pay for anything when they visit except for an occasional "meal out".

[mom2samlibby]

SIL has no qualms about imposing on our family for food, toiletries, toys, babysitting or anything else. She will make herself quite at home in our living room, as she is apparently used to camping out in other people's homes.

 

I don't know if my bro knows about this or not. He could have said to SIL-- "I don't think she'll go for it; we better plan to get a motel and cut out a few of your pet budget items." ;) SIL said (in my imagination) to him, "I'm fine with the living room floor and imposing on your sister for a week, but don't you dare take away my pet budget items to pay for a motel!"

 

I have a feeling SIL knew I wouldn't be excited about the idea, hence her letter in snail mail form.

 

I really starting to feel sorry for your SIL.

[rosesinsummer]

I really starting to feel sorry for your SIL.

 

I'm not a completely selfish jerk. I've given up my master bedroom for my MIL and FIL for a week, and would do so again. You've never met my SIL, nor do you know any family history.

 

My mom lives with us, not my bro, following a serious medical event, for a reason.

[HeidiKC]

After reading some of the other posts, I have to add that I got the impression that sil was just being upfront and honest about their financial situation. I wouldn't infer manipulation unless sil has a history of being manipulative.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I wonder how she worded the letter, but I could imagine a version where she was excited about visiting you and mentioned having done it all the time growing up not as a way to manipulate, but to let you know they don't mind at all not having a bedroom and being on the floor. Trying to be understanding of your housing situation.

 

I do wonder why it has to be a week. Did she say it has to be a week or nothing? Couldn't you suggest 3 days?

 

ETA: Ok, I see you're considering 3 days. I also think you should offer the tent - seriously! As long as the weather isn't cold. Do you know how much her kids would like that? And you say they are campers. Just say something like you don't think they'd be comfortable in your open area, you'd be waking them up, etc. and this way they can have more privacy. I'm still not convinced she meant to be rude or manipulative, but since you are...I wouldn't hesitate to worry about offending her with the camping idea. You could present it very nicely! They probably haven't thought of anything like that, and might actually appreciate the privacy.

Edited April 17, 2012 by HeidiKC

[Aggie]

Tent in backyard-- I'll have to check into that one. Would there be a city ordinance against that? They like to camp, but I have to wonder if SIL would be offended if I suggested they camp in the backyard. :lol:

 

 

I agree with the pp who suggested giving Sil and bro a kid's room, and sending the older kids out to a tent. Have a girls' tent and one for the boys.

 

Since we live in the country, dh would construct an outdoor place for the boys to wet.:D

 

And I'd ask Brother about sharing meals for the week. "We'll have BF and lunches, why don't y'all plan for and provide the evening meals?" Or something.

 

I fully see both sides to this. One one hand, it would be a week of fun, fun, fun! On the other hand, that's a lot of people for a long time. !!!

 

We had visitors once. I thought they were stopping by on their way to vacation. However, our house was their destination. The mom was ON vacation all week. I shopped, cooked, cleaned, planned outings, etc. That's the last time dh takes phone calls!:lol: Thankfully our home was large enough and their kids were absolutely delightful.:001_smile:

[nd293]

Camped in my living room - a weekend (2 nights) - and it doesn't matter how many people we are talking about.

[Heather in Neverland]

 

Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling.

 

wow.

 

Well, I wasn't judging you before but now I kind of am... sheesh. :001_huh:

 

You asked for opinions. Maybe next time do a JAWM thread and all of us judgmental women will stay away.

[texascamps]

:iagree: In my family, it is assumed that we will quarter each other for visits. I can't imagine going to see family and being told to go get a hotel. :confused:

 

ETA: How about shifting people around in the bedrooms and giving them a bedroom to claim as their own for the week? If it were me, I would put the kids on the floor in my own bedroom and put the guests in their bedroom. The kids would think it's a hoot, and then guests wouldn't be in your way.

 

 

What you said! We love houseguests, and the more the merrier. It doesn't happen often enough in our book! One of the kid's rooms has a queen bed and we always put guests in there. They can put their kids around them or we can move kids around the house on couches or floors. We do put away special toys, precious items, and breakables, if kids are coming.

[Lizzie in Ma]

My brother is my best friend. Even if his wife asked in such a rude way as that I would still do it because having my brother and his kids at our house for a week is so much fun!

 

We don't care if it is crowded or even how long they stay. He and his family stayed with us for two months while their house was being built. In fact, we are staying at his house in his basement this summer for 6 weeks when we visit the U.S.

 

We can't wait and neither can he!! But that is how it is in our family... We take care of our own no matter the inconvenience. YMMV

 

This is us too. Both my sisters and their husbands have lived with us more than once for months at a time. My bff from Denmark and her kids camp in the living room once a year as well for two or three weeks as well. It is a bit exhausting but I love them very much.

That having been said, you need to do what works for you.

[rosesinsummer]

wow.

 

Well, I wasn't judging you before but now I kind of am... sheesh. :001_huh:

 

You asked for opinions. Maybe next time do a JAWM thread and all of us judgmental women will stay away.

 

Sorry, maybe I should have put it in a venting category. What does JAWM mean? I don't post here super frequently. There were two posts in a row that were a little snarky (someone said I could choose to be bitter or embrace it or something of that nature) and that kind of made me type the judgmental comment without taking a deep breath first.

 

I also realize that most people are looking at this through the eyes of their own experiences. If they have great families, they don't see any issues.

 

I have friends with 5 kids who are an amazing family, who would pitch in with cooking, cleaning up after themselves, being respectful of our space, etc. that I would host for a week with full welcome, knowing it would be exhausting and a little cramped but fun.

 

As I mentioned previously, we've given up our master bedroom for a week for my MIL and FIL.

 

I guess I didn't give enough background on SIL and our relationship. As I said, she doesn't have many social graces. It's just how she was raised. I tolerate her better in small doses and having space to decompress each day after interactions with her would help me stay more pleasant and relaxed during their visit.

 

I won't refuse to offer them a place to stay, but I think my boundary will be not for a week. I don't want bridges burned and I know my limits. I will pray before hand and try to go into it focusing on the fun and make sure there are lots of outings planned and little time hanging out at our house. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Sorry, maybe I should have put it in a venting category. What does JAWM mean?

 

JAWM means "just agree with me". Here's the thing - your OP asks ". . . would you be ok with this?" "How would you feel? Would you just do it? Any thoughts?" I think it is rather unfair to get mad when people actually answer your questions. I actually was surprised at how many people did agree with you because my views of hospitality and family don't "allow" for that. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't be freaking out and seeking advice here on how to carry it out! I would find it physically difficult to carry out because of chronic health issues but wouldn't find it emotionally/mentally difficult to carry out. But obviously that is my own experience and views. I don't know how I could be expected to post differently when that is what is being asked for.

[Impish]

JAWM means "just agree with me". Here's the thing - your OP asks ". . . would you be ok with this?" "How would you feel? Would you just do it? Any thoughts?" I think it is rather unfair to get mad when people actually answer your questions. I actually was surprised at how many people did agree with you because my views of hospitality and family don't "allow" for that. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't be freaking out and seeking advice here on how to carry it out! I would find it physically difficult to carry out because of chronic health issues but wouldn't find it emotionally/mentally difficult to carry out. But obviously that is my own experience and views. I don't know how I could be expected to post differently when that is what is being asked for.

:iagree:

I'm on the opposite side of the fence, in that there isn't a family member either in inlaws or my side that I could handle being here overnight w/out wanting to lose my mind, let alone a wk...so, given that we were asked for *our* opinions, I couldn't respond any other way than 'No. Way. In. Hades.'

 

If I *liked* family, had positive interactions w/them, no doubt my response would be far different.

[oldskool]

I would probably find a way to deal with it. My dh comes from a culture where family or friends would never think of staying in a hotel. It was quite a shock to me because it was completely opposite of how I grew up and this became the source of multiple arguments early on in our marriage. Looking back I wish that I had just dealt with it. I'm certain I strained some relationships and now that I am older I have regrets about that. A week is not that long and you can get through it. In the past I have pitched a tent in the backyard and slept there myself to get away from the crowd. The main thing for me in these situations is to get away and have alone time. Good luck. I sympathize with you.

[Kim in Appalachia]

But I'd do anything for family, and I enjoy having people visit. But if you are uncomfortable with it you need to be upfront about it.