mom31257 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 My son is really bothered by something that is happening at church. I know this is coming from his side of it, but he is the kid who tells me details and the truth even when he's in the wrong and gets in trouble. There is a teacher who is much stricter on discipline and calls children down for a lot of things that are any kind of hyper behavior. The problem he's having is that anytime he gets called down, this teacher's daughter gives him mean, ugly looks. I've seen this child do it to other kids out in the church, so I'm not surprised. I would really like to go to this parent and ask her to have her child stop doing this. I know he can be hyper and more so when he's in class with other kids. I think part of that is because we homeschool, and he's happy to be there. I'm not asking her to change the way she disciplines the class, just speak with her child. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 No, I wouldn't say anything. I'd just try to get across to my son that people can give all the mean, ugly looks they like and that's their problem, not his. I really would want him to have a thicker skin than to let a girl's silly faces upset him. Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Your situation might be different but, in my experience, children who give others mean looks like that are simply mimicking their parents. I'm not sure talking to the mother would be of much use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Your situation might be different but, in my experience, children who give others mean looks like that are simply mimicking their parents. I'm not sure talking to the mother would be of much use. :iagree: As your son grows up, there will be plenty of opportunities to intervene on his behalf- mean looks probably isn't one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I wouldn't say anything to the mother. I would tell your son to try to ignore it. If it really bothers him, I would encourage him to directly ask the girl to stop making faces at him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 No, I wouldn't say anything to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Share Posted April 11, 2012 I know you are all right. I'm probably bothered by it more than he actually is! They do seem like a family that cares about children and them learning to love God, which is why I'm a little surprised they don't see it or allow it to go on if they do. This child is a "dance child", so maybe it's coming from that atmosphere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Share Posted April 11, 2012 I wouldn't say anything to the mother. I would tell your son to try to ignore it. If it really bothers him, I would encourage him to directly ask the girl to stop making faces at him. That's a very good idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I wouldn't say anything. Just tell your son to ignore the girl. It's not worth the upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Your situation might be different but, in my experience, children who give others mean looks like that are simply mimicking their parents. I'm not sure talking to the mother would be of much use. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 No, I wouldn't say anything. I'd just try to get across to my son that people can give all the mean, ugly looks they like and that's their problem, not his. I really would want him to have a thicker skin than to let a girl's silly faces upset him. Cassy :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I would encourage your son to take care of the situation. If he is truly bothered by the looks, I would have him talk with the teacher about the looks from her daughter. Give him words he can use to explain how he feels. All he needs to do is simply explain that the other girl in the class is making faces at him that he's not comfortable with. I'm sure the 'teacher' will talk with her daughter about it. It shouldn't be a big deal at all. Now, I think it would be a much bigger deal if you are brought into it. That shows that a lot of effort has been put into the 'situation' and I bet she 'teacher' would feel very defensive. I just think making light of the situation and addressing it honestly and upfront is the best thing. Having your son talk with the teacher *when it happens*, would be a great idea. Let that be the end of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Would your son get in more trouble if he smiled at the girl, like would she tell mom something that would cause further problems? Ya know, kill em with kindness? If that would cause more trouble, I would have him ignore her. Is there a way that he could walk where he wouldn't be near that girl to see the faces she is making? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 No, I wouldn't say anything. I'd just try to get across to my son that people can give all the mean, ugly looks they like and that's their problem, not his. I really would want him to have a thicker skin than to let a girl's silly faces upset him. Cassy :iagree: Your situation might be different but, in my experience, children who give others mean looks like that are simply mimicking their parents. I'm not sure talking to the mother would be of much use. :001_huh: That may be true for some kids, but not mine. I have many faults, but the kind of look I'm thinking of definitely isn't modeled by any adult in this family. :lol: I'm not sure I've ever even seen an adult do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I know you are all right. I'm probably bothered by it more than he actually is! They do seem like a family that cares about children and them learning to love God, which is why I'm a little surprised they don't see it or allow it to go on if they do. This child is a "dance child", so maybe it's coming from that atmosphere. What the heck is a "dance child?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Nope, I wouldn't say anything to the mom about this. I agree with the others about encouraging your son to handle it, either by ignoring or directly asking the little girl to stop. Truthfully, if he ignores it completely, she will probably stop because she's not getting a reaction from him. This is the perfect age to start letting kids handle "small things" on their own. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I wouldn't say anything to mum. I bet she appreciates the extra censure. I'd tell my son he had the perfect right to say something very politely along the lines of "you are such a pleasant looking child until you scowl. If only you new how ugly it was" (I don't care if it is a boy or girl child). It is the technique my brothers used on me. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 This would blow up into something nasty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 What the heck is a "dance child?" A child involved in a dance studio...sometimes dance studios and horse stables are known for extra drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I wouldn't say anything. However, I'd teach him some ways to react, respond or ignore her through role playing. (Some people react with humor...winking at the sour-puss, or raising his eyebrows, returning the look, crossing his eyes or simply mentiong it to her etc.) "I hope your face doesn't get stuck that way:)." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 A child involved in a dance studio...sometimes dance studios and horse stables are known for extra drama. O-kay then. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 It's a great teaching opportunity IMO. 1. How to behave in a group. 2. How to not look meanly at other people as it makes them feel awful. 3. How to ignore ornery people. (A good lesson for everyone all the time.) 4. How to carry on in the face of difficulties and not let it affect you. Valuable lessons for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 No, but I would use it as an opportunity to empower my child and help him learn how to advocate for himself and ignore rude behavior in others. If he stops looking at her and reacting to her unpleasant faces, the behavior will lose its power and she'll probably stop doing it. He could also address the behavior himself when it happens and call her on it. Involving adults would only increase the drama and elevate something minor into something bigger and is not necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 No, I wouldn't say anything. I'd just try to get across to my son that people can give all the mean, ugly looks they like and that's their problem, not his. I really would want him to have a thicker skin than to let a girl's silly faces upset him. Cassy :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 And the parent isn't going to listen to you anyway. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Drop it. Your son will be seen as a little whiner about a girl and things will get worse. Both of you man up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Yesterday my daughter and I were reading Prince Siddhartha (the story of Buddha). There was a story where a man was really angry at Buddha and was ranting and yelling at him. Buddha asked him, if you buy a gift for someone and they don't accept it, who does the gift belong to? The man said, to me, I bought it. Buddha went on to explain if he didn't accept the man's anger or let it bother him, it only belonged to and hurt the man, no-one else. Your son doesn't need to accept "mean ugly faces"- he can ignore them, find them silly, think of the Buddha story, decide to have a conversation with her at a later time in a non-confrontational way if he wants to ask her why she always makes faces, whatever he wants. Whatever. Let the girl keep her mean ugly face and be a mean ugly person if she wants to be, but, really, a face isn't hurting your son and doesn't require a parent interceding on his behalf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 I spoke with ds before class this past Wednesday. I talked about not letting others actions bother him. I said if it really bothers you, when she does it again, politely ask her to stop doing it. If she continues it, make a joke or something about it to show it's not going to bother you, or ignore it. Ds tends to tell us every negative thing that happens. He's really a big talker and wants to share everything. I told him that he either needs to try to solve the problem or ignore it. If he's just going to complain and not try to deal with it, he doesn't need to tell us about it. How does that sound? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trailofsparks Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 In my kids' experience, asking the offending kids questions has always worked best. it stops the offender, giving them pause to think about their behavior and *why* they did that rude thing. if they say, "to provoke you" (never heard tis one before!) teach your kid to shrug and say, "ok" and move on to the next thing. My oldest is good at asking questions or confronting extremely rude behaviors, and they have always stopped. But telling a kid to ignore without any other interaction hasn't been effective here. Do some role playing to empower your ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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