amyrjoy Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Wondering about how to respond to someone who states that the problem with homeschooling is the kids don't get to be in the real world/don't know how to deal with life/etc. Sometimes I have the answer in my head, but tonight I don't. :glare: This question stems from a conversation I had with someone at choir practice tonight. I said nothing in reply, just listened and smiled. :001_huh: It didn't feel right to try to explain to her all that I know and see these days, all the opportunities and benefits. I think her mind was made up already, anyhow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I think there probably isn't any point to arguing with every random person who knows "what the problem is with homeschooling." "It's so kind of you to take an interest. More bean dip?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 "Well, in the *real* world, 3rd graders get shot by their classmates, and illiterate kids are graduating high school. Have a nice evening." :glare: It is not anybody's place to question your decisions re: raising your child/ren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 "Well, in the *real* world, 3rd graders get shot by their classmates, and illiterate kids are graduating high school. Have a nice evening." :glare: It is not anybody's place to question your decisions re: raising your child/ren. I THOUGHT something like that- but I'm too chicken. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Wondering about how to respond to someone who states that the problem with homeschooling is the kids don't get to be in the real world/don't know how to deal with life/etc. Sometimes I have the answer in my head, but tonight I don't. :glare: This question stems from a conversation I had with someone at choir practice tonight. I said nothing in reply, just listened and smiled. :001_huh: It didn't feel right to try to explain to her all that I know and see these days, all the opportunities and benefits. I think her mind was made up already, anyhow! I've been hsing for ten years. I used to let things like this get to me, and I would try to convince the speaker otherwise. I'm at the point where I really don't care what someone else thinks I do/don't do with my kids. I don't feel obligated to nicely explain unless they are asking my opinion or advice. I'm tired of feeling like I need to defend my personal life with people who are strangers. Right this minute if someone said this to me, I would respond, "Oh. Thank you." I'd let that sit for a few seconds, and then I would ask if they are enjoying the spring weather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I just tell the truth in those settings. It's great to be friendly about it, but it's OK to say, "Really, I'm just here for choir practice." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I don't get this. I don't get this. I don't get this! What in the world is "real" about school? There isn't a more artificial environment that I can imagine. My kids are REALLY learning life skills at home. They are REALLY interacting with people at stores, at businesses, in government buildings, in the neighborhood....even my five year old has to know how to communicate what he needs and follow through on instructions. At the library (not our regular one) he wanted to log on to the computers. He could read the log in page and realized he needed a card. He went to the circulation desk and asked if he was allowed to get a card or if they could help him log on. Of course I was there monitoring, but he didn't need my help. THAT is teaching a child to deal with the real world. This really hits home with me right now because my neighbor is making noises about homeschooling. Her dd and my middle one are the same age and were in the same grade when dd was at school. They are 'friends' for convenience more than anything else and have been having spats lately. My dd is not perfect by any stretch, but she is not to blame for most of what is happening. The neighbors are very strict and when my dd is allowed to do something her friend isn't, the girl gets pretty ugly and purposely excludes my dd when they are playing with other kids in the neighborhood. Her mom seems to have it in her head that my dd isn't acting appropriately because she avoids the confrontation and just comes home. There's been more than a little snark about 'all kids SHOULD be learning how to deal with situations like these'. DD and I have talked about it and there isn't a good way to tell this girl that she is welcome to be mean, but dd doesn't have to put up with it. I was honestly amazed when she sat down and was weighing her options - should she confront this girl and risk a real rift? This girl is more than capable of making dd miserable by playing the other neighborhood kids against her. Should she talk to the girl and her mom together? Should she just ignore it? Really - talk about problem solving skills! Now - If I could just use the same approach when dealing with the mom.... I didn't mean to write a novel, but it is something that really is making me nuts right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I usually reply that they do get to experience the "real" world, every day, with me as their guide. I am definitely not of the camp that you must throw the children to the wolves for them to learn how to handle themselves. They see and experience interaction and conflict on a daily basis and I am there to guide them through it. The time will come when they have developed the skills that is required to handle situations on their own, but it is absolutely not at this young age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I THOUGHT something like that- but I'm too chicken. :tongue_smilie: I'm not. I shoot from the hip. Like it or lump it because I really do. not. care. what most people think of me. If I could think of something fast enough, I might also question something personal in their life that is no business of mine just to get the point across. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maizeydaizey Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 See I find it hard to keep a balance, trying to educate/defencd about our choice to homeschool with not offending them and their choice to public school. Why it all matters...? Who knows! For some reason though folks are curious, they really do want to know 'why' we do it. What makes us so different from them. It is hard to explain without putting their beliefs down or the way they know in the gutter. Such a fine line... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I think a person who really wants to learn about homeschooling has a few options. She could Google it, or go to the library and read a book, or talk to a homeschooler. If she chose to talk to a homeschooler, she could prove that she was curious and harmless by beginning with some intro other than, "So this is my problem with homeschooling." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amsunshine Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 (edited) I've been hsing for ten years. I used to let things like this get to me, and I would try to convince the speaker otherwise. I'm at the point where I really don't care what someone else thinks I do/don't do with my kids. I don't feel obligated to nicely explain unless they are asking my opinion or advice. I'm tired of feeling like I need to defend my personal life with people who are strangers. Right this minute if someone said this to me, I would respond, "Oh. Thank you." I'd let that sit for a few seconds, and then I would ask if they are enjoying the spring weather. :iagree: I haven't been homeschooling ten years, but I'm already at this point. "Thank you!" "Isn't this weather fabulous?" :) Edited March 8, 2012 by amsunshine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I usually just say for our family it is perfect but it is not a good fit for everyone. If they end up being part of our lives, not just a stranger in a line someplace, they will discover for themselves that my kids are great. I let what is happening in my homeschool speak for me. This isn't to say that people haven't said things that I can't think of a response to. I try not to defend it now because I always make an enemy that way. I always think if the person is really mean they feel guilty about their kids..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 My problem is that when someone feels free to share their opinion with me I feel free to share mine right back. :tongue_smilie: I had a mom one time say something similar to me. She ranted about homeschoolers for about 10m. I ranted about her opinion for about 20m. She never said anything about homeschooling to me directly again. Instead she targeted my meek and mild bestie. GRRR!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 The one's "attacking" me right now are my family. Both my parents think it is a terrible decision. I just tell them it is what is right for our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 "Well, in the *real* world, 3rd graders get shot by their classmates, and illiterate kids are graduating high school. Have a nice evening." :glare: It is not anybody's place to question your decisions re: raising your child/ren. I think a person who really wants to learn about homeschooling has a few options. She could Google it, or go to the library and read a book, or talk to a homeschooler. If she chose to talk to a homeschooler, she could prove that she was curious and harmless by beginning with some intro other than, "So this is my problem with homeschooling." :iagree: if someone is rude enough to say that to me, therefore saying it about my children, then by all means I would shoot right back with fraidycat's kind of response. I find a response like that useful for the socialization issue as well, and in fact I've used something like it in the last week. ~coffee~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 "What a funny thing to say" *smile* People seem not to continue when I say that (on any topic) because arguing about how it isn't a funny thing to say makes a person feel silly. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I'm not. I shoot from the hip. Like it or lump it because I really do. not. care. what most people think of me. If I could think of something fast enough, I might also question something personal in their life that is no business of mine just to get the point across. Love this.! Ditto! They certainly have no qualms saying in-her-face anti-hs to the OP, I would hand it right back, with glorified babysitter and artificial factory/ prison like ps environment as my themes. I believe in shutting that mess DOWN and it serves a dual purpose of training people what kind of crap I won't tolerate from them. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 See I find it hard to keep a balance, trying to educate/defencd about our choice to homeschool with not offending them and their choice to public school. Why it all matters...? Who knows! For some reason though folks are curious, they really do want to know 'why' we do it. What makes us so different from them. It is hard to explain without putting their beliefs down or the way they know in the gutter. Such a fine line... Let me add, if someone is genuinely curious, I will educate them about my point of view in a kind way. If they are using questions to make passive aggressive statements, then I bet my harsher self on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 To that specific comment, I might say something like "that's why I make sure my kids ___" (some experience your kid gets that many in PS don't). For example - I took my kids during a school day to do some volunteer work (boxing food for hungry families). Or, I took my kids on a travel vacation that was full of valuable "real-world" experiences. Or, I limit homework so they get plenty of time to hang out in the neighborhood. Or simply, I take them nearly everywhere I go. It doesn't get much more real-world than that. My mind would be saying, "yeah, like sitting in a classroom is so 'real world.'" But that would be a little too aggressive for me - unless the person was being downright nasty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 The one's "attacking" me right now are my family. Both my parents think it is a terrible decision. I just tell them it is what is right for our family. Ugh. This happened to me for about 2 years when we first started homeschooling. :glare: It gets so old. I'm also tired of being a Homeschool Ambassador. I hear the same things over and over..."I could never do that!" or "How do you know they're learning at the right level?" We have a schoolteacher at boy scouts who will not leave me alone about it. She tried to tell me that copywork (a la WTM or Charlotte Mason) was plagiarism and would NOT be tolerated in public school. :svengo: Lady, just GO away!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 We have a schoolteacher at boy scouts who will not leave me alone about it. She tried to tell me that copywork (a la WTM or Charlotte Mason) was plagiarism and would NOT be tolerated in public school. :svengo: Lady, just GO away!!!! :lol::lol::lol:That is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard! Hilarious!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 We have a schoolteacher at boy scouts who will not leave me alone about it. She tried to tell me that copywork (a la WTM or Charlotte Mason) was plagiarism and would NOT be tolerated in public school. :svengo: Lady, just GO away!!!! :lol: (my nephews and neices attend a public school that uses copywork and dictation in the elementary grades - I ought to alert them!) To the OP, ... it's hard(er) when it's family. I think that even when it's hard to hear it/tolerate it/put up with it from family, it's still somewhat comforting to know that my family cares about my kids enough to say something. It's the only thing that keeps me from lashing out LOL. So, true or not, that's what I tell myself and none of you people here need to open my eyes to their true intentions! My in-law family has teachers. My very own sibling is a professor, and is married to a teacher. I come from a culture that holds teachers in high esteem (as in, "what makes you think YOU are qualified?!") so I am familiar with the hot air. It took a good few years of just trusting myself, and standing by my convictions, before the proof came out in the pudding :D it's still not my family's first choice or preference, but they see now the Great Homeschool Experiment has resulted in perfectly normal kids - just like the ones in my family we've sent to public and private schools. But it took time. When it came from my own parents, my best and only reply was this: "Do you feel confident with the way you raised me?" Because I know the answer was yes; they weren't perfect, but they did the best they could. So all I was asking was that they trust I was following their lead in doing the same with my own kids, and that they had instilled in me a solid framework from which I could draw. Then I said, ".. besides I've made up my mind, so shuddup about it :tongue_smilie:!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 You know the snarky response the "Your kid needs to experience bullies to be able to defend himself" line? The one where the homeschooling parent jokes about shoving the kid in a kitchen cabinet once a day and stealing his lunch money? Well, if someone makes a comment about your kids not getting real world experience, you could say, "Oh, they get plenty of real world experience. We make them get jobs and pay rent and buy their own clothes and pay bills. How much more real world can you get? What's that you say? They don't do that in public schools? What a shame. Those kids will have no real world experience when they graduate!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 What I don't understand is why people say this when you are clearly in "The real world" I mean you were at choir practice right. I had someone say this to me at the place my kids take non-competitive gymnastics. I was already in a mood that day so my reaction was to act super surprised and stare at them like I was lost and say "Hi, where are we, do you know how we got here, oh geez I guess they got out of the house again" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Get her a copy of this and tell her that when she finishes reading it, you will talk with her. http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/ I have no tolerance for this. My parents are in full support of my homeschooling. My father went to a small (6 kids) MK school in China and the years his teacher was on furlough they home schooled. They used Calvert (back in the day they called it correspondence school and not homeschooling). He and two of his brothers became medical doctors and in articles written about them, there is always a comment about their caring attitude and spirit. Dh's mom is far from supportive and makes lots of comments. I don't even answer her questions anymore. I shrug and change the subject. If she comes back to it I politely tell her that this is not a concern of ours and I do not wish to comment on it. If she brings it up again, I feel that is her BEGGING for an argument and I politely tell her to shove off. :D We haven't visited her in over two years and honestly, the comments are part of the reason. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 You know the snarky response the "Your kid needs to experience bullies to be able to defend himself" line? The one where the homeschooling parent jokes about shoving the kid in a kitchen cabinet once a day and stealing his lunch money? I've used a modified version. I've told the person that my kids had already learned how to deal with being bullied in their early PS experience so they didn't need to go back and repeat it. The rest I could teach them at home. I have no idea where it came from but the look on the person's face was priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I try to ascertain whether people are genuinely curious or simply touting their views. Some of the questions I've gotten are from people who really want the answer. My brother is a teacher and he wondered about what the state needs from me, for example. He really wondered how it all worked, so I was happy to explain. Others, on the other hand would say, "How long are you going to do this?" Those people didn't get a drawn out answer from me. Those get bean dip answers. Interestingly enough, since I've told my family that our kids will go to ps next year, many people have questioned us on it. And I find myself having to explain why we're sending them to school! A standard, "We're doing what works for our family," applies here, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I'm not. I shoot from the hip. Like it or lump it because I really do. not. care. what most people think of me. If I could think of something fast enough, I might also question something personal in their life that is no business of mine just to get the point across. and your user name is "fraidycat" :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 and your user name is "fraidycat" :lol: That's because I was scared I was "gonna mess up my kids and their education" and I was playing with my cats and laughing at them being "Fraidycats" just before I joined one of the HS sites (found this one last, but name is the same at all). So that is how my username came to be. I'm only a month in to homeschooling, but I am not afraid anymore, I'm just learning right along with my kids and I have The Hive to help guide me along! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 "Oh. My. Isn't that interesting." Big smile. Long pause. :D Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I haven't gotten the "real world" comments yet, but I think I'd feign misunderstanding a little. ::Cue over-enthusiastic voice:: "Oh, I agree! It's so important for kids to have real-world experience! That's what I love about homeschooling! Instead of being shut up in a classroom all day with no one to interact with except other kids their age, we get to finish our book-learning much more efficiently and then get out in the real world to experience life! I have tons of great homeschooling resources to share if you really get fed up with the artificial environment in the public schools and decide to give it a try!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Good point- like the feigning misunderstanding bit. Ladies you have been ever so helpful! I knew you would be! I know this is an almost universal thing to deal with..ha...so it's nice to share thoughts with one another. Even my dad, who is a retired chemistry teacher, thought the comment quite off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon in TN Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I haven't gotten the "real world" comments yet, but I think I'd feign misunderstanding a little. ::Cue over-enthusiastic voice:: "Oh, I agree! It's so important for kids to have real-world experience! That's what I love about homeschooling! Instead of being shut up in a classroom all day with no one to interact with except other kids their age, we get to finish our book-learning much more efficiently and then get out in the real world to experience life! I have tons of great homeschooling resources to share if you really get fed up with the artificial environment in the public schools and decide to give it a try!" Love this response! I'll be storing this one for future use :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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