You're kidding, right??

[Impish]

I'm also of the mindset that 2 hrs doesn't require a snack at all.

 

I've been lucky, none of my kids have had allergies so far.

 

I react to gluten.

 

MIL makes gluten as a protein source, and has gotten all offended when I refuse to eat it :glare:

 

No, gluten won't have me in the ER, but still makes me very sick.

[mommaduck]

I like your new duck avatar, mommaduck:D

 

Lisa

Thanks :D I couldn't resist it...especially since he's saying, "Fear the Fuzzy! Fear It!" :lol:

[BatmansWife]

Lexi, the links are working fine now.

I love your family photo on the Hives blog. Your kids are adorable and I love their blue eyes.

Your little one really does have a lot of food allergies. :grouphug::grouphug: I hope in time she may "outgrow" some of them. My son used to be allergic to wheat, among other things. He eventually "outgrew" the wheat allergy....which has been really helpful.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I agree with elegantlion. I don't get why every single activity has to have a snack! It's absurd!

 

 

:iagree: Sorry you're feeling left out.

[Ellesmere]

 

So, I'm learning how to explain the allegies to people and I guess I'm not doing a good job of articulating our needs. For me, it's a fine line between not explaining the seriousness enough and being over-the-top dramatic about the life or death implications of the allergies. I can't find the middle ground.

 

Well I feel your pain on that. I was involved in a group (not for HS) for a short time and it didn't work out. Ahead of me was a mom that was flippant about her son's allergies (she took a lot of risks), another one that was over-the-top protective about them (and a number of other things), and another that thought peanuts should be eradicated from the world, as if that was the only serious allergen and too bad if you're allergic to dairy or something else!

 

So I was stuck with people who I thought would understand but in fact made it harder and the people in charge (who did not have allergies) were getting mixed signals. It's tough to get the message across that the allergies are life threatening without sounding a little nutty to people who don't get it, especially when fellow allergic families are making it more difficult.

 

Maybe there should be more education at co-ops and other places about food allergies. We're not in a co-op, but I wonder how other groups address this. As you stated, if you don't have a child with allergies, it doesn't sometimes hit our radar of the seriousness. I do think a flyer at registration or some type of announcement could be make to the group as a whole to make sure the allergy issued is acknowledged and respected.

The FAAN has a PAL (Protect A Life) program but I've never been involved in a HS coop and don't know if it would work. There's a Canadian site, too, that seems to do well with balancing the parents' responsibilities with the need for community support.

[Bluegoat]

I think that this could have been handled better, and i tend to wonder why people think snacks are required as well in that situation. The board totally messed it up - it seems mostly to me to be an issue of organizational follow-through.

 

However, in general I am not sure that an answer is not asking other parents to bring snacks, even if you generously offer to provide them yourself for all. That is just not really going to work for a lot of people - many kids, while not allergic, are pretty picky about food, and sometimes parents just like to be able to be in control of such things, even when it isn't a life threatening thing for their kids.

 

I think a better solution might be to have seperate eating areas for kids, with restrictions on what came into one room - it could be posted on the door, and everyone would have to remember that is the special room for controlled foods and a snack could be offered there. Ideally the other kids would move to another area not where everyone would be working together later. The difficulties would be space allocation, and it would kind of stink if someone ended up eating all alone - it would mean people were not paying proper attention to hospitality.

[Guest tpineo]

It is awful that "traditional treats" sometimes are more important than keeping kids safe. There are, unfortunately, always going to be some people who just don't get it. No matter how hard you try to explain, volunteer to bring all the foods, etc. they just don't get it. Those situations are just places you have to avoid.

I know it is hard to give up the "normal stuff", but you just have to keep being that "mama bear" and protecting your kids.

I hope you can find a group of moms in your area that "get it".

Tania

[Impish]

I think that this could have been handled better, and i tend to wonder why people think snacks are required as well in that situation. The board totally messed it up - it seems mostly to me to be an issue of organizational follow-through.

 

However, in general I am not sure that an answer is not asking other parents to bring snacks, even if you generously offer to provide them yourself for all. That is just not really going to work for a lot of people - many kids, while not allergic, are pretty picky about food, and sometimes parents just like to be able to be in control of such things, even when it isn't a life threatening thing for their kids.

 

I think a better solution might be to have seperate eating areas for kids, with restrictions on what came into one room - it could be posted on the door, and everyone would have to remember that is the special room for controlled foods and a snack could be offered there. Ideally the other kids would move to another area not where everyone would be working together later. The difficulties would be space allocation, and it would kind of stink if someone ended up eating all alone - it would mean people were not paying proper attention to hospitality.

Don't forget other allergies, which may not be life threatening, sensory issues, etc.

 

Better to not have any snack at all, imo.

[mom2hunangirls]

I don't have children with allergies. But I do feel I'm one of the more sensitive parents towards kids who do. I'm the type that asks at "first day" meetings what exactly they need other parents to know/do/not do for their kids. And I try try try to remember and act accordingly. I, too, HATE that every stinking gathering has to involve a snack.

Here are some problems I have when trying to do the right thing....

They have a peanut allergy. But the mom insists its not serious so other kids can have PB or whatever just no peanuts. And they might have a nut allergy but since they aren't sure, don't worry about it. This mom is the mom of a 4 yr old...I swear I'm more worried about what I send than she is. And it's moms like this that desensitize those of us who even try to care.

 

When people like me have kiddos in various things with varying allergies and no clear guidelines....it's hard to remember if I wasn't sending almonds because someone had an allergy or because my 4 yr old just started liking them. And that's the easy stuff....get started on remembering to watch for ingredients when you don't buy based on ingredients and you are just trying to grab a snack and get out of the door yourself.... Oh my. So often, it's not that we don't care...we just can't keep up.

 

In your situation, where you are bringing the snack. I'm trying to imagine how that would play out here. Without knowing what your allergies are and what the snacks were you brought, I don't know. Did you take notice if what you were bringing was generally accepted? Bring something different next time? I wonder if you spent too much effort explaining the seriousness of the allergy when maybe you could just say "serious allergies. Do not bring if package says xyz."

Even though I definitely understand wanting to emphasize the seriousness...sometimes it starts sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher and they miss what to actually avoid.

At a ballet performance I recently helped supervise I just happened to know that one of the ballerinas had a severe peanut allergy. We did get a letter about not sending our own snacks due to allergies, that the company would provide snacks (this was a 5-6 hour deal). By day 2, a mom brought PB crackers for her daughter to eat because she didn't like pretzels (whatever, if they are hungry they will eat....but then thats me.). I snatched them up and reminded her why they can't have them and she left with her daughter. Grrrr. I told the person in charge to send another email specifically about the snacks. She did. No other issues. But that was with me, an advocate, insisting. I think there were plenty of legitimAte reasons moms would forget...we were 2 long days into crazy long production days where lots of moms were just trying to survive. None of us were trying to keep up with others.

All that to say, I doubt it's as personal as it feels to you. Keep advocating politely. But be sensitive to how much people can do to accomodate you. Yes, probably easy if they have a note as they are grocery shopping....but if they are grabbing to survive its harder. Take heart, there are some of us that really do try hard. It's Feb...I can't remember which allergy is where and why I'm even showing up at half the places....my 8 yr old has a bake sale tomorrow and I can not remember if I'm supposed to worry about the peanut allergy or if he doesn't participate. Aggghhhhh!!!!!

 

I really am sorry how things went for you.

[Ellesmere]

I think that this could have been handled better, and i tend to wonder why people think snacks are required as well in that situation. The board totally messed it up - it seems mostly to me to be an issue of organizational follow-through.

 

However, in general I am not sure that an answer is not asking other parents to bring snacks, even if you generously offer to provide them yourself for all. That is just not really going to work for a lot of people - many kids, while not allergic, are pretty picky about food, and sometimes parents just like to be able to be in control of such things, even when it isn't a life threatening thing for their kids.

 

I think a better solution might be to have seperate eating areas for kids, with restrictions on what came into one room - it could be posted on the door, and everyone would have to remember that is the special room for controlled foods and a snack could be offered there. Ideally the other kids would move to another area not where everyone would be working together later. The difficulties would be space allocation, and it would kind of stink if someone ended up eating all alone - it would mean people were not paying proper attention to hospitality.

I thought about that, too. Your (OP) allergy list is totally different than ours, so if my child was in the group, I would not want someone else providing a snack for us.

 

For a story group that we attend, I've offered to bring enough for everyone but never expected others to not bring their own food because I am only bringing stuff that is safe for us, not for people dealing with other allergies. (It's a drop-in group, so I never know who will be there.) It's a quick group, though, and there's little contact between the kids, so I don't have to worry about contact with other snacks.

[Bluegoat]

Don't forget other allergies, which may not be life threatening, sensory issues, etc.

 

Better to not have any snack at all, imo.

 

yes, but there are times when eating is required, like an all day event, or a party where people really want to eat. So I think there have to be ways to make it work in those situations too.

 

I tend to think it is best for a lot of reasons to try and keep food out of areas where people work so allergies there are not an issue. But I also think that trying to restrict what other people it is not the best strategy - there are too many ways it can fail even if people are trying to get it right.

[lexi]

That really stinks!

 

 

It probably doesn't help, but I would bend over backwards to accommodate your food needs should you come to my house.

 

Thank you JoAnn! We have one other family like this and it's been so sweet. I hope that I try to accomodate others with special needs because I know what it's like to be on the outside. It really makes you more aware......

[Impish]

yes, but there are times when eating is required, like an all day event, or a party where people really want to eat. So I think there have to be ways to make it work in those situations too.

 

I tend to think it is best for a lot of reasons to try and keep food out of areas where people work so allergies there are not an issue. But I also think that trying to restrict what other people it is not the best strategy - there are too many ways it can fail even if people are trying to get it right.

Yeah, but this instance is a 2 hr coop. Not an all day thing.

[MeganW]

 

It makes me hope that I would never have been someone like that if my kid wasn't the one with the allergies. Would I be annoyed with them? Would I be frustrated with their needs? Would I refuse to accomodate them? I hope that wouldn't have been me.

 

 

I have run into the opposite. There was one child at my children's preschool with severe allergies. For my kids' bday party, the place that we wanted to have it was booked at all the non-meal times, so we had to do it and serve dinner. Rather than just ordering food, I made everything myself, even the cake, to be sure everything was safe. I bent over backward checking labels, then sent her the list for approval. I scrubbed down my kitchen about 1000 times before making any of the food. I was SO afraid that something would happen and it would be my fault!

 

So after knowing how much trouble I had been to so that her child could attend, and eat the exact same things everyone else could, what do you think happened? She didn't show! No call or anything.

 

I ran into the mom the next week, and gently asked. "Oh, her cousin (who lives next door) wanted to play, and asked DC if she wanted to go to the party or stay home and play with her cousin, and she decided to stay home". No apology, nothing. Someone else who overheard the conversation and knew how much trouble I had been to said something to her, and her reply was "well, welcome to my life - now you know what I go through every day!". I can't even tell you how livid I was!

 

I ran into a similar thing at gymnastics once. They were putting hand sanitizer on each kid, and I asked about it, and the instructor responded that there was a child with peanut allergies. Knowing that my kids had had peanut butter for lunch, and possibly may not have washed their faces/hands well, I pulled them out of line and took them to the bathroom and washed them well. The mom commented to me in sort of a pushy way when I got back "I hope you used soap b/c just water isn't enough". It was like she was mad that I had fed my kids peanut butter.

 

To be honest, that is sort of the attitude I have run into several times from parents of kids with allergies. I think you may be experiencing some backlash from some other parents who aren't kind enough to do things like provide all the snacks like you did, and instead just expect everyone else to bend. It's not right, and it's not fair - I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

And to be honest, it's ABSURD that kids can't go 2 hours without a snack!!!! I can't believe you needed to bring a snack - they should have just skipped it altogether.

[pjssully]

i rarely check here but....my kids wouldhave no problems not having a snack if the situation was discussed with them!!! My kids are probablly not the norm either!!! I think PARENTs forget how understanding kids can be and for 2 HOURS, that is nothing!!!!!! Why don't parents let kids understand what is gonig on?? It is OUR (meaning the other parents in the co op mostly)agenda with the food??

pjean

[Guest]

I can totally sympathize with you. DD used to have life-threatening food allergies. She has since been desensitized (hospital setting, not on our own). I remember the people who accommodated us and didn't make us feel bad about it.

 

I would try to put together your own co-op, or just bide your time until you can move (if it's sooner rather than later). Maybe check to see if any doctors in your area are desensitizing.

[MeganW]

If it were life or death it would have to be firmly stated and we would have placed a placard on all doors where it needed to be mandated (in this case, the nursery...but we would not be able to keep it out of the entire church or make everyone wash their hands between home and church).

 

They can actually! Our church is peanut-free. There are huge signs on every door, and hand sanitizer pumps beside every door. When they first did this, they made a big point of explaining in detail in the service several weeks in a row. Now, in the rare instance that someone walks in without sanitizing, they will inevitably be prompted by someone else to do so. It is considered really unloving / uncaring of others to skip it. We walk in the church and sanitize, and then when the kids are dropped off in their sunday school rooms, they "foam in", which is more hand sanitizer.

[mommy5]

I understand and I feel that there is a lot of selfishness on the part of many ... my son is highly allergic to peanuts (among several other very common food products - corn & soy to name a few) ... so much so that he can't eat anything that is made in a peanut processing facility. I have had issues with family serving peanut candy right in front of him - not washing hands, etc. I don't have any advice but I totally understand.

[Guest]

I just wanted to point out that hand sanitizer does NOT get rid of any food protein that might be on your hand. Only soap and water does. Food is not like germs... it cannot be killed.

[mommaduck]

They can actually! Our church is peanut-free. There are huge signs on every door, and hand sanitizer pumps beside every door. When they first did this, they made a big point of explaining in detail in the service several weeks in a row. Now, in the rare instance that someone walks in without sanitizing, they will inevitably be prompted by someone else to do so. It is considered really unloving / uncaring of others to skip it. We walk in the church and sanitize, and then when the kids are dropped off in their sunday school rooms, they "foam in", which is more hand sanitizer.

May I ask about those that are against hand sanitizer, but would be willing to wash their hands well? (asking, because there are those that have concerns with such)

 

In the church we were in at that time, I could see a lot of people having big hissy fits over it this type of thing (not saying that is right or that I agree).

[Lang Syne Boardie]

They can actually! Our church is peanut-free. There are huge signs on every door, and hand sanitizer pumps beside every door. When they first did this, they made a big point of explaining in detail in the service several weeks in a row. Now, in the rare instance that someone walks in without sanitizing, they will inevitably be prompted by someone else to do so. It is considered really unloving / uncaring of others to skip it. We walk in the church and sanitize, and then when the kids are dropped off in their sunday school rooms, they "foam in", which is more hand sanitizer.

 

I'd have to walk right back out the door, then. I'd be very careful to not eat peanuts before coming to church, if that was needed, but my hands react horribly to hand sanitizer. I don't want my kids slathering hand sanitizer on, either. We are soap-and-water people, and very clean. I'd think that would be church-worthy.

 

I just wanted to point out that hand sanitizer does NOT get rid of any food protein that might be on your hand. Only soap and water does. Food is not like germs... it cannot be killed.

 

I was also wondering how alcohol deactivated peanut protein.

[Guest]

I'd have to walk right back out the door, then. I'd be very careful to not eat peanuts before coming to church, if that was needed, but my hands react horribly to hand sanitizer. I don't want my kids slathering hand sanitizer on, either. We are soap-and-water people, and very clean. I'd think that would be church-worthy.

 

 

 

I was also wondering how alcohol deactivated peanut protein.

 

It definitely does not. I don't know why so many people think it does.

[Ellesmere]

They can actually! Our church is peanut-free. There are huge signs on every door, and hand sanitizer pumps beside every door. When they first did this, they made a big point of explaining in detail in the service several weeks in a row. Now, in the rare instance that someone walks in without sanitizing, they will inevitably be prompted by someone else to do so. It is considered really unloving / uncaring of others to skip it. We walk in the church and sanitize, and then when the kids are dropped off in their sunday school rooms, they "foam in", which is more hand sanitizer.

 

Does your church still have an emergency protocol?

 

Our home is "allergen-free" (not to peanuts, btw, so that rule would do us no good) and we are still very careful to review emergency procedures. Because even at home we had an accidental exposure to something we had no idea we were allergic to and yes, we needed to use the Epi-pen even in a "allergen-free" home.

 

We would not agree to that policy, though I appreciate the sentiment. (Not that we'd protest it, we just wouldn't go.) First, I cannot use hand sanitizers on my hands. I need to use soap and water. Also, this article about detecting peanut allergens might be of interest.

[Guest]

I should have posted info for those of you who are interested in the desensitization... sorry!

 

http://dallasallergy.net/health-info/food-allergy

[Ame E.]

Basically, you would need to get the leader or leaders of the coop to post signs about food allergies, or they would have to vote not to have any food in the coop. I put on receptions for concerts, and some of the kids have nut allergies. I have to go through each item of food brought in to make sure there are no nuts.. and even though people have been told through email not to bring nut stuff to the reception, inevitably we get some. I think that it is not at all personal, people just are very busy and clueless..

 

You have to treat it like a chronic illness.. In other words, it's your job, not theirs to take care of it.. Once you feel more in control, you'll be less mad. I don't think the ladies hate you. They probably just don't understand what's involved.

Edited February 17, 2012 by Ame E.
new idea

[mommaduck]

I just wanted to point out that hand sanitizer does NOT get rid of any food protein that might be on your hand. Only soap and water does. Food is not like germs... it cannot be killed.

Add this to another thing that I did not know, but just learned @ WTM :) I have a skin disorder as well as various concerns irt using hand sanitizer.

[Guest]

Add this to another thing that I did not know, but just learned @ WTM :) I have a skin disorder as well as various concerns irt using hand sanitizer.

 

Don't feel guilty about not using hand sanitizer since it's not effective anyway. Some wipes can remove peanut protein, but you might not be able to use those, either. Just use soap and water.

 

http://foodallergies.about.com/od/foodallergybasics/a/Clean-Peanut-Residue.htm

 

The above link talks about effective (and non-effective) methods.

[Catwoman]

We joined a co-op in August. We were new to the area and I really wanted to network and get out of the house more. I have a child with crazy severe allergies. I told the board of the co-op up front and they were very willing to work with us. I told them I would bring snack every time and that I needed to make sure other food wasn't brought into the room. I told them I would volunteer in my daughter's room to keep an eye on the kids.

 

So, the co-op didn't work out and I just resigned. Here's why: There seemed to be major communication breakdown as many other teachers were completely oblivious to the allergies. I had thought the board was informing everyone. Other parents brought other snacks in the room. Other parents brought milk cups. They would bring them week after week even after I asked them not to. We couldn't attend any other function of the co-op because it all involved food. People told me they would be implementing policies like the "no outside snacks" or "wiping all the kids' hands down upon entering the classroom" and none of that was happening. I felt like the only advocate for myself and my daughter.

 

I have to say that my first inclination was that a food & snack-oriented co-op is clearly not the best option for you and your dd.

 

That said, because they sounded like they were so willing to work with you, and because you were obviously bending over backwards to make everyone comfortable and to even bring all of the snacks for your dd's class, there is no reason why this situation should have gone so wrong.

 

If the leaders of the co-op were willing to make new policies so your dd could safely attend the classes, it was their responsibility to enforce the new rules with the other parents. If they weren't willing to do that, they shouldn't have accepted your dd into their group. I am not saying that they were obligated to accept your dd, and to agree to inconvenience the other parents who wanted to provide their own food for their kids, but the fact is that they did just that. You were misled, and you and your dd are disappointed and have been made to feel like you are the ones who are being difficult and unreasonable, where it's obvious that the co-op leaders are totally at fault here.

 

Honestly, a lot of kids are picky eaters, and might not like the snacks you brought. Their parents were justifiably annoyed that they couldn't bring their own food, as they have apparently always done in the past, and that their children were being forced to either eat the snack you provided, or have no snack at all. I say that their annoyance was justified because I'll bet the co-op leaders made the now restrictive snack policy decision without consulting the other moms in the group first. If the co-op leaders had handled the situation properly, or if they'd asked you to meet with the other moms to explain about the true seriousness of your dd's allergies, I'll bet most of those moms would have been far more cooperative about the snacks.

 

So, now I'm left here in a place that I hate living, with a child that can't participate, and with other homeschool moms who really dislike me. I should have never joined a co-op or thought we could participate. I just wanted to feel normal for a change.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I'm sure you feel incredibly betrayed by the co-op leaders.

 

Do you think I'm wrong to be so upset that they won't even work with me?

 

Not at all. They made a commitment to you, and they should honor it. If it really doesn't work out, they can decide against accepting you and your dd next year.

 

Is it wrong to think that their inability to give up food at functions is rude? I'm trying to put myself in their shoes but I'm just not able to see from their perspectives. My family inconviences them. Really?

 

Yes, you do. It's sad and it's unfortunate, but being told that you have to bend over backwards to accommodate food allergies is a nuisance. It is an inconvenience, particularly for parents whose kids are picky eaters, but also for any parent who has to try to figure out what is and is not "safe" for their child to bring in for snack time. No one wants to be the parent who brings in the snack that causes a child to have a life-threatening reaction. But, OTOH, as a parent, I don't really want another mom to bring the snack every week for all of the children, because maybe it's not something my kid likes, or something I want him to eat.

 

I don't mean to come across as being unsympathetic, because I know a few kids with serious food allergies, and I haven't minded reading labels and calling the moms to be sure certain foods were safe for their kids to eat, but in a co-op situation where you're the new member and all of a sudden, the rules are changing, there's bound to be some resentment toward you -- and as I said earlier, it's because the co-op leaders totally dropped the ball. If they didn't take your dd's allergies seriously, they made it appear as though you're just Over-Reacting Pain in the Patootie Mom, so the other moms in the group aren't taking your dd's needs seriously, either.

 

Honestly, I know it would be uncomfortable, but if you have any interest at all in continuing in the co-op, I think you should try to arrange a little "Moms' meeting" at the beginning of the next co-op day, where you can apologize for any misunderstanding (so they know that you're humble and cooperative, and that you're not looking for a fight,) and explain in detail about the seriousness of your dd's allergies, and what could happen if she was accidentally exposed to the wrong foods. You might want to print out a list of the foods/ingredients that are "OK" and "not OK" for her, so you could give it to the other moms. I think people will be more likely to sympathize and to want to help you if you make it easy for them, and if you ask them for their suggestions about what they think would be the best way to allow your dd to participate in the co-op. If they are part of the solution, they are more likely to abide by it.

 

I really hope you are able to get this to work out for you. I know it has been suggested that there should be "no more snacks at a 2-hour co-op," but if the co-op has been in existence for a while and they have always had snack time, you can't reasonably expect them to make that kind of change right away, because they barely know you, but there still might be a way to make the co-op work for you and your dd. I think you need to have an open discussion and see where it leads.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mommaduck]

Don't feel guilty about not using hand sanitizer since it's not effective anyway. Some wipes can remove peanut protein, but you might not be able to use those, either. Just use soap and water.

 

http://foodallergies.about.com/od/foodallergybasics/a/Clean-Peanut-Residue.htm

 

The above link talks about effective (and non-effective) methods.

Avoid the 409 cleaner. I used to use it till I found out that a friend of mine was highly allergic to it.

 

Actually, that brings up another issue:

 

What do you do if you have people that are chemical sensitive/allergic AND people with food allergies? Sheesh, this can get complicated!

[In the Rain]

I'm sorry. :grouphug: I wish food was served at fewer kid events too.

[ssavings]

I'm sorry. It's hard to deal with allergies.

 

What we've done with DS4 is to remove him for snack times at organized events, then let him go back after the other kids have finished and washed their hands/faces. It's sometimes hard for him to have to eat with mom instead of his friends, but it works. I know how dramatically we had to change our eating habits after he was diagnosed with allergies (wheat, egg, dairy, soy, strawberry, oats, chocolate, etc.). I don't feel like I could ask everyone in our playgroup to eat our "safe foods" because of his allergies, but I also can't risk him reacting to something other people are eating.

[4everHis]

I get it. :grouphug: Unfortunately, the vast majority of people won't get it and probably never will.

 

A few months ago, when I requested no more pb&j sandwiches at the after school library reading program my dd had just joined...one lady walked into the room in the middle of our discussion. She asked what was going on and the director informed her about the pb problem and how the kids can get it on their hands and touch the cassette players and the headphones, etc (not to mention the horribly strong pb smell that was in the room). She had this dumbfounded look on her face. :blink: She said really loudly, "Really? Peanut butter can get on their hands and then on to the audio equipment?? Huh....I never knew that." :glare: I was sitting there thinking, "Really??? You don't think that maybe even 1 out of these 14 elementary kids eating pb won't just possibly....remotely....get some on their fingers???" :glare:

 

By the way, I can't get either of your blog links to work.

 

For the 'other' team here. . . . I can honestly say, I would NEVER think of all the allergy stuff I've seen mentioned on this post. Even if I were asked not to bring "?" I'm not sure it would occur to me that I would need to wash my kids down before I brought them into a group setting if we'd just had "?" for lunch or in the van. Those of us who do not have allergic kids do not think about allergens. It's not on our radar. It's not out of spite for you or your child, it's just not on our radar. I only know of the seriousness because of what I've read on these threads. Not once, in 5 years of teaching 100's of kids, being involved in church nurseries, in 16 years of parenting, 7 years of co-ops have I ever encountered an allergic kid. I'm amazed at the attitude that people who don't follow every one of 'allergic children protocol" is assumed to be uncaring and rude. As though we encounter this every day and are choosing, in meaness, to put your child in danger. :confused:

 

I just thought you might need to hear from the other side.

[joannqn]

With how prevalent food allergies have become, I have a really hard time believing people to be THAT clueless. I understand that people might not know how to read food labels for particular allergens, but to think it is ok to eat pj&j in the same room as a peanut allergic kid...well, I'd think you'd need to live on a different planet not to know that wasn't ok.

 

But then I've been known to be more concerned than the parents of the allergic kid. (I have a friend who's kid reacts to peanut butter by developing a red rash across her neck and face. She still ate it anyway. I encourage them to give up peanut butter entirely.)

 

 

What do you do if you have people that are chemical sensitive/allergic AND people with food allergies? Sheesh, this can get complicated!

 

Use non-chemical cleaners. I clean with a spray cleaner I make out of water, a little bit of dish soap, and tea tree oil. I have liquid hand soap in my bathrooms but don't use it myself. I use only glycerin-based or lye-based soaps. No detergents.

 

Personally, I wish we'd get rid of all of the chemical cleaners. Do we really need to be killed with noxious fumes in every public restroom? It's not like the air fresheners and cleaners smell any better than any odors they might be covering.

[mommaduck]

With how prevalent food allergies have become, I have a really hard time believing people to be THAT clueless. I understand that people might not know how to read food labels for particular allergens, but to think it is ok to eat pj&j in the same room as a peanut allergic kid...well, I'd think you'd need to live on a different planet not to know that wasn't ok.

 

But then I've been known to be more concerned than the parents of the allergic kid. (I have a friend who's kid reacts to peanut butter by developing a red rash across her neck and face. She still ate it anyway. I encourage them to give up peanut butter entirely.)

 

 

 

 

Use non-chemical cleaners. I clean with a spray cleaner I make out of water, a little bit of dish soap, and tea tree oil. I have liquid hand soap in my bathrooms but don't use it myself. I use only glycerin-based or lye-based soaps. No detergents.

 

Personally, I wish we'd get rid of all of the chemical cleaners. Do we really need to be killed with noxious fumes in every public restroom? It's not like the air fresheners and cleaners smell any better than any odors they might be covering.

Thank you :)

[Ellesmere]

For the 'other' team here. . . . I can honestly say, I would NEVER think of all the allergy stuff I've seen mentioned on this post. Even if I were asked not to bring "?" I'm not sure it would occur to me that I would need to wash my kids down before I brought them into a group setting if we'd just had "?" for lunch or in the van. Those of us who do not have allergic kids do not think about allergens. It's not on our radar. It's not out of spite for you or your child, it's just not on our radar. I only know of the seriousness because of what I've read on these threads. Not once, in 5 years of teaching 100's of kids, being involved in church nurseries, in 16 years of parenting, 7 years of co-ops have I ever encountered an allergic kid. I'm amazed at the attitude that people who don't follow every one of 'allergic children protocol" is assumed to be uncaring and rude. As though we encounter this every day and are choosing, in meaness, to put your child in danger. :confused:

 

I just thought you might need to hear from the other side.

 

I already stated this, but I do understand. Allergies were not on the radar for most of my life, either. And sometimes understanding this kind of difficulty is just not possible until it touches someone closely -- not because people aren't caring, but because we all have so much to deal with. It's a big world and food allergy awareness was not even anything I knew I would have to learn to understand until our lives were affected by them.

 

And frankly, after seeing and hearing what other allergic families have put groups through (not the OP!), I understand the people why some people sigh when they hear "food allergies". IMO, it is unreasonable to demand allergen-free zones in certain settings or to expect an entire church to use hand sanitizer.

 

To understand the other side, though, a lot of allergic families do hear some really awful things, along the lines of Joel Stein's accusation, which is pretty much I overheard a friend say about a woman with a peanut-allergic son. And then she wondered why I never told her about our allergies when she heard about them. (Even worse, when I told another friend (who was fuming over an allergy issue) about how sometimes skeptics learn the hard way, she said, "Good! I'm glad he has to deal with it!" Grrr. Food allergies aren't the worst thing but I wouldn't wish them on anyone's child. I just wish people would understand and other allergic parents would stop making it harder for that to happen.)

[blondeviolin]

That's absurd!

 

I'd hang out with you just fine. You're not by chance in Oklahoma, are you?

[BatmansWife]

For the 'other' team here. . . . I can honestly say, I would NEVER think of all the allergy stuff I've seen mentioned on this post. Even if I were asked not to bring "?" I'm not sure it would occur to me that I would need to wash my kids down before I brought them into a group setting if we'd just had "?" for lunch or in the van. Those of us who do not have allergic kids do not think about allergens. It's not on our radar. It's not out of spite for you or your child, it's just not on our radar. I only know of the seriousness because of what I've read on these threads. Not once, in 5 years of teaching 100's of kids, being involved in church nurseries, in 16 years of parenting, 7 years of co-ops have I ever encountered an allergic kid. I'm amazed at the attitude that people who don't follow every one of 'allergic children protocol" is assumed to be uncaring and rude. As though we encounter this every day and are choosing, in meaness, to put your child in danger. :confused:

 

I just thought you might need to hear from the other side.

 

I'm not sure that it's even worth replying....but since you quoted me, I'm assuming you are referring to me. I didn't say those words to that mom. I only thought them....for like 3 seconds. I like that woman. I have no problems with her. I thought it a bit comical almost that she never would have thought about such a thing. She did make another comment immediately afterwards that I found a bit irritating too....but, I know she didn't say it to spite us...or was chosing to be mean (in fact, she wasn't mean). In this situation, the kids all sit at the same large table, each with a cassette player and headphones, and they eat pb&j sandwiches while listening. They would come back again later and sit at any audio of their choice and listen again. So, this was a problem with a peanut allergic child in the room. It seemed odd to me that the lady wouldn't have even dreamed that possibly some pb could be on the audio buttons or the headphones. Yes....I know it wasn't on her radar so she didn't think about it. It was just one of those slight eye roll moments. Since there are "sides"....I can say that I definitely have been on the non-allergic side longer than the allergic side. I didn't even know there were food allergies until 16 years ago and I am 44. So, I definitely "get" not thinking about it when you don't have to worry about it. I only mentioned my surprise at the library incident to show some sort of sympathy to Lexi.

Oh, and by the way....this is said in a nice way...just trying to explain myself a little better. I'm not yelling at you. :001_smile:

[Runningmom80]

I'm sorry. I know how frustrating it is. My ds has tons of food allergies, and he is contact sensitive. (we had to epi him last month after he played with an empty noodle box.) we haven't done a co op yet because I'm afraid of this situation.

 

 

For the record, it really upsets me when people talk about how much of inconvenience it is to deal with food allergic kids. Would you say that about a child in a wheel chair?

 

 

We don't like being an inconvenience, we just like to keep our kids safe. :)

[lexi]

That's absurd!

 

I'd hang out with you just fine. You're not by chance in Oklahoma, are you?

 

I am from Oklahoma :D and will always be an Okie at heart. I'm living deep in enemy territory on the other side of the Red River now.......:lol: I will NEVER be a Longhorn fan!! :tongue_smilie:

[HappyCrazyMama]

With how prevalent food allergies have become, I have a really hard time believing people to be THAT clueless. I understand that people might not know how to read food labels for particular allergens, but to think it is ok to eat pj&j in the same room as a peanut allergic kid...well, I'd think you'd need to live on a different planet not to know that wasn't ok.

 

But then I've been known to be more concerned than the parents of the allergic kid. (I have a friend who's kid reacts to peanut butter by developing a red rash across her neck and face. She still ate it anyway. I encourage them to give up peanut butter entirely.)

 

 

 

 

Use non-chemical cleaners. I clean with a spray cleaner I make out of water, a little bit of dish soap, and tea tree oil. I have liquid hand soap in my bathrooms but don't use it myself. I use only glycerin-based or lye-based soaps. No detergents.

 

Personally, I wish we'd get rid of all of the chemical cleaners. Do we really need to be killed with noxious fumes in every public restroom? It's not like the air fresheners and cleaners smell any better than any odors they might be covering.

 

Well I hate to admit it but though I knew nut allergies could be deadly (and I thought it was only nut allergies that were life threatening until the Hive enlightened me) I always thought it was if it was eaten. It never even occurred to me that contact or even breathing particles of an allergen could be so dangerous! I learned otherwise a few months ago reading about predicaments like this one here on the Hive. I actually disagree I don't think most people realize that a person with life threatening can have a deadly reaction from contact with trace amounts of their allergen. I didn't even know allergies could be deadly until I was in my twenties and read a tragic story about a boy who was talked into eating a pb cookie at a party because "it wouldn't hurt to try one".:(

Edited February 17, 2012 by Happyhomemama

[jelbe5]

:grouphug:

 

I am so sorry . . .

 

We belong to a very small co-op which meets 2x per month. We have several children with food allergies. It is really not that hard to make safety an issue . . . I am so sorry this was not a priority for others in your group . . .

[Cindyg]

I have run into the opposite. There was one child at my children's preschool with severe allergies. For my kids' bday party, the place that we wanted to have it was booked at all the non-meal times, so we had to do it and serve dinner. Rather than just ordering food, I made everything myself, even the cake, to be sure everything was safe. I bent over backward checking labels, then sent her the list for approval. I scrubbed down my kitchen about 1000 times before making any of the food. I was SO afraid that something would happen and it would be my fault!

 

So after knowing how much trouble I had been to so that her child could attend, and eat the exact same things everyone else could, what do you think happened? She didn't show! No call or anything.

 

I ran into the mom the next week, and gently asked. "Oh, her cousin (who lives next door) wanted to play, and asked DC if she wanted to go to the party or stay home and play with her cousin, and she decided to stay home". No apology, nothing. Someone else who overheard the conversation and knew how much trouble I had been to said something to her, and her reply was "well, welcome to my life - now you know what I go through every day!". I can't even tell you how livid I was!

 

I ran into a similar thing at gymnastics once. They were putting hand sanitizer on each kid, and I asked about it, and the instructor responded that there was a child with peanut allergies. Knowing that my kids had had peanut butter for lunch, and possibly may not have washed their faces/hands well, I pulled them out of line and took them to the bathroom and washed them well. The mom commented to me in sort of a pushy way when I got back "I hope you used soap b/c just water isn't enough". It was like she was mad that I had fed my kids peanut butter.

 

To be honest, that is sort of the attitude I have run into several times from parents of kids with allergies. I think you may be experiencing some backlash from some other parents who aren't kind enough to do things like provide all the snacks like you did, and instead just expect everyone else to bend. It's not right, and it's not fair - I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

And to be honest, it's ABSURD that kids can't go 2 hours without a snack!!!! I can't believe you needed to bring a snack - they should have just skipped it altogether.

 

Wow! What bad experiences!

 

Back to the original topic . . . It has been my experience that a lot of moms like to make, pack, send, and bring snacks. A lot of moms would not be happy to hear that suddenly they are not to make, pack, send, or bring any snacks. It's part of the school (or enrichment) experience for them. They would not want the 2-hour class to be snack free, and they would not want to hear that some other mom was bringing all the snacks for the whole year. They would feel cheated.

 

It's also possible that they thought that your child's allergy meant that *she* couldn't eat {whatever}; and it didn't occur to them that that meant that *their* child couldn't eat it.

 

My son goes to a peanut-free enrichment program. Ironically, peanuts are one of the few proteins my son *can* eat when he's away from home. Of course we work within the school policies; but, the point is, the regulation that makes things possible for one situation, makes things difficult for another situation.

 

I'm really sorry for your situation. Your problem (your child's problem) is far bigger than this enrichment program. You guys are going to face this problem wherever you go. I'm really sorry. I almost don't know how it's possible for you. I'm thinking of restaurants, summer camps, birthday parties, football games, college cafeterias, airplanes . . . . Food is served everywhere. Bless your heart. I am really sorry for all the families who have to deal with this.

[Catwoman]

Lexi, have you decided what you are going to do in regard to the co-op? Are you going to talk with the leaders and the other moms?

 

I really do think you should speak with them before giving up on it, because if your dd likes attending, there may very well be a way to work things out.

 

:grouphug:

[EmilyK]

I'm sure that these are things that you have already thought of, but just in case:

 

-- was the co-op mostly hoping for some experiences for your older kids? would it be possible to find a really good sitter, maybe through an agency, who could watch your younger kids? Or a mom who would take your older kids to co-op while you stay home with the youngers?

 

-- could you sign up for some classes for the older kids, such as a parks and rec, or similar, where snack won't be served? or at least it might be run by someone more professional than the leaders of this co-op who would respect your situation? The quality of volunteer leaders varies so much.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: People without food allergies just don't THINK about it. It takes a long time to break habits like bringing a snack. It just does. Even a close relative here has tried to give milk-allergic dd cheese and was honestly confused as to why I wouldn't her have it--she didn't really realize cheese=milk. Other very food-conscious friends have forgotten. The only person who always thinks about it & checks what's safe is SIL whose own kids have severe food allergies. :grouphug:

[Chelli]

With how prevalent food allergies have become, I have a really hard time believing people to be THAT clueless. I understand that people might not know how to read food labels for particular allergens, but to think it is ok to eat pj&j in the same room as a peanut allergic kid...well, I'd think you'd need to live on a different planet not to know that wasn't ok.

 

But then I've been known to be more concerned than the parents of the allergic kid. (I have a friend who's kid reacts to peanut butter by developing a red rash across her neck and face. She still ate it anyway. I encourage them to give up peanut butter entirely.)

 

Then consider me from Mars. :confused: I didn't know that you could be that sensitive to a peanut allergy until this year when it happened to us at co-op like I posted upthread. I thought food allergies only caused a reaction if you ingested it.

 

The only person I've ever known who had a food allergy was allergic to strawberries. She loved them, though, and once a summer would pig out on them, and deal with the red, itchy rash. So the thought that a child could be so allergic to any type of food that just sitting in the room or next a child eating the food could kill them, then, no that never entered my head until our co-op this year.

[mamakimberly]

I'm so sorry!

 

We have never had life-threatening allergies. But our younger daughter had reactions to dairy (weird weird ones- blisters on her girl-parts after having any dairy- she would spend the next 1-2 days in agony if she accidentally ate dairy).

 

At the church nursery, no matter how many times I explained it, she ended up getting goldfish. They would giggle, "Oops, she must have taken them from another kid's tray during snack- we only gave her cheerios.... haha"

 

It used to make me so upset- hahaha, oh yeah, really funny that my baby will have blisters! Really funny that she'll bleed and be completely raw and scream for hours at night. Haha, so freakin' funny.

 

Thankfully, she's outgrown that.

 

Anyway, sorry for my venting- I just was remembering my irritation.

 

I think the grown women in your situation need to act like grown women and not sullen, whiny brats. If you supply a list of "good" items that might help. They might be overwhelmed by the "no" list and not be able to see what your daughter CAN eat.

 

I'm sorry you are dealing with this!

[mommymonster]

So my DS is allergic to cow's milk products. You would be amazed at the people who don't understand that yogurt, cheese, and ice cream have cow's milk in them. Really? Then again, DS's grandfather tried to give him yogurt, as I was just "coddling the boy" too much. OK, well, sure... That being said, I have never relied on other parents to provide snacks, treats, or food for DS. I wouldn't want another parent to have the responsibility of knowing casein is a big no-no for us... it is enough for me to keep track.

 

That being said, a child at my DS's preschool had a life-threatening peanut allergy. The school very responsibly sent home a detailed letter about the precautions we needed to take (including not feeding the kids peanuts for breakfast, just in case they didn't wash faces well enough). They did not, however, disclose the child's name for what they said were privacy reasons.

 

Fast forward a few months. We had a birthday party for DS where we invited a number of kids. The child with the peanut allergy was one of them. Unfortunately, we didn't know she had an allergy from the preschool because of the privacy concerns, and the parents of the child didn't mention it in their RSVP or any of our other conversations. We didn't have peanut butter at the party, but some of the candy that the kids could choose to decorate cupcakes had the cross contamination language on it.

 

When the father of the little girl confronted me, I was at a loss. I would never put a child in harms way, but I can't protect a kid if I'm not provided information. The gentleman was surprised that the school gossip hadn't filtered his daughter's name to me. Seriously!?! I need to get potentially life saving information from gossip? That's just well... nuts.

 

I don't know if this is politicially correct, but if my son goes to a birthday party, I call ahead, explain the situation, and ask about the menu. If it is something that DS is allergic to (and it always is), I bring something that looks similar to what is being served -- Pizza on the menu? I bring nondairy pizza. Chocolate cheesecake? I bring chocolate cupcakes in the birthday girl's colors.

 

In any case, I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It sounds like you did your best to communicate the need. Hopefully the coop learns a lesson before a significant allergic reaction occurs.

[Catwoman]

When the father of the little girl confronted me, I was at a loss. I would never put a child in harms way, but I can't protect a kid if I'm not provided information. The gentleman was surprised that the school gossip hadn't filtered his daughter's name to me. Seriously!?! I need to get potentially life saving information from gossip? That's just well... nuts.

 

I don't know if this is politicially correct, but if my son goes to a birthday party, I call ahead, explain the situation, and ask about the menu. If it is something that DS is allergic to (and it always is), I bring something that looks similar to what is being served -- Pizza on the menu? I bring nondairy pizza. Chocolate cheesecake? I bring chocolate cupcakes in the birthday girl's colors.

 

Those parents sound like complete idiots, and I feel terribly sorry for their child. How could you know that your child had a life-threatening allergy, and assume that others would know about it from some sort of pre-school grapevine??? :cursing: Who would ever take that kind of risk with their child's life?

 

I think your way of handling parties makes a lot of sense, and I can't imagine anyone being offended by it. You're making the hosts' lives a lot easier by providing safe foods for your own child.

[dsmith]

:grouphug:

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Ds had one child in his class that had quite a few allergies, but everyone was so cooperative in that school. Have you tried looking for any social groups specifically for kids with allergies? I don't know if any exist, but maybe you could start one? Meetup.com may be a place to start looking, or any allergy related message boards you may visit. Ds has trouble fitting in to homeschool groups with his special needs, so we stick with social groups for kids with Aspergers. Homeschool groups are just too stressful for him. We may not meet other homeschoolers, but he would rather meet kids that are quirky like him, as he puts it.:001_smile:

:grouphug::grouphug:Lots of hugs to those dealing with life-threatening allergies. I just can't imagine how stressful it must be!