At what age can my little girl go into the store and buy tortillas?

[brett_ashley]

My oldest is seven going on seventeen and I have no doubt that she could execute every step of a simple transaction at the grocery store. She always picks out the tortillas for me and she has checked out several times under my supervision. She can count change and interact with checkers with no problems, and she would enjoy doing it alone.

 

At what age will someone not call CPS for sending her in unattended? I had a sleeping baby in the car this afternoon and was *this close* to attempting it.

[In2why]

I would let her now. I don't wait for age but do things according to ability, and she is obviously capable. What is the worst thing that could happen?

[FlyingMOm]

There is NO way I would allow this, no way. A 7yo girl is far to young to be in a store alone.

[Nakia]

There is no way I would send a 7 year old into a grocery store alone for anything.

 

My oldest is 11, and I would probably send her in alone now, if I hadto. It's never crossed my mind. She does go to different areas of the store to get things for me to speed things along.

Edited January 4, 2012 by Nakia

[Nakia]

I would let her now. I don't wait for age but do things according to ability, and she is obviously capable. What is the worst thing that could happen?

 

Do we really have to answer that?

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

so if I get this right, the 7yo would be walking into a store she knows well. You would be in a car, just outside the main entrance, waiting for her?

I would have had no problem with it.

[Mommee & Baba]

There is NO way I would allow this, no way. A 7yo girl is far to young to be in a store alone.

 

:iagree:I don't even allow my dc to walk around the block, go up and down the neighborhood, play in the park, or even play in our front yard without being right there with them.

[Wheres Toto]

I think 7 is too young but what age is okay would depend on the child and the store in question. Is it a huge Supermarket? or a little corner grocery store? In a small town where the checkers know you? Or in a populated area where nobody knows anyone? How much of the store can you see if you're parked at the curb out front? Will there be people she could get help from if she needed it or is the store usually fairly empty?

[Alphabetika]

I would let her now. I don't wait for age but do things according to ability, and she is obviously capable. What is the worst thing that could happen?

 

:iagree: I guess you and I may be in the minority in this thread, but my experience with using the above philosophy has been that adults treat my kids as old and responsible as they act. My middle dd has been making the rounds of the farmer's market, with a list from me and cash in her pocket, since she was younger than seven, and she's never had any problem. I offer this only as one example, as I realize there are differences between this situation, where I am on the premises, and sending her alone into a grocery store. But this particular child is like the OP describes her dd - not only mature but also very confident - and I've found that adults treat her with respect when she exhibits repect and maturity herself.

 

Just my two cents. Obviously a lot depends on the situation.

[bettyandbob]

I let my dd do this at 7 or 8 at the health food store, which was a tenth the size of the grocery store. I parked in the space in front of the store and the store had only one door. She went in, picked out what she wanted on her own and paid for it. I think I got the idea from Protecting the Gift. I think there is a chapter about giving kids the opportunity to do things independently and looking for controlled environments to let them practice. I think a small store was a specific example, but it's been a while since I read the book.

 

I didn't do this at the local Safeway. If I had. I guess I would have gone into the store and stayed at the front of the store while dd picked out her item and went through the checkout.

[*********]

I wouldn't do it unless we're talking about a convenience store, where I could literally have my eyes on her the entire time, by being parked facing the windows. And even then, it'd only be if everything else lined up just right; like this was the store we always went to, we always got the same tortillas, the girl working the register is the same one we always chat with; stuff like that.

 

A big grocery store? No way. Not at 7.

Edited January 4, 2012 by bethanyniez
clarification

[5kidsforME]

There is NO way I would allow this, no way. A 7yo girl is far to young to be in a store alone.

 

 

:confused::confused::confused: I totally agree with this. I can't believe this is even being asked.

[Unicorn.]

I waited until mine were 10. I think 7 is a bit young, and frankly, if I lived where you do, I wouldn't do it that young.

[brett_ashley]

so if I get this right, the 7yo would be walking into a store she knows well. You would be in a car, just outside the main entrance, waiting for her?

I would have had no problem with it.

 

Yes. There is no other entrance for public use.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd wait until the age when they can legally stay home alone in your state. I once left my son in the car to get an envelope from inside the bank. (I didn't do a transaction, just grabbed a deposit slip.) When I came out, a cop was talking to him. I about died. My son looked younger than his age, so the officer was asking how old he was. Good grief. He was 10 and didn't want to spend 15 minutes to get in and out of his wheelchair when I could run in and out in 90 seconds (literally). I'm guessing if he was younger than eight (legal home-alone age here) I would have been ticketed.

[mbholly]

That's a hard question. It might depend on where you live. I live in a suburb and it would be really unusual to see a child that young in a store alone. I can definitely see someone calling the police.

I did not let my child go to a store or even be in a different section of a big store like Target alone until he was around 10. I am a worrier by nature though.

[Sue G in PA]

We live in a small town. Safe area (relatively speaking). I would let my 6yo do it if she were capable...which she is. If I were in a bigger city...no way, no how. You are the best judge of her capabilities and the safety of your area. :)

[Slipper]

I think it depends on your area and I can see why other posters are concerned. :) My previous area was a large city and no, I wouldn't let her go in alone now (she's a mature 10).

 

We currently live in a small town. Most of the checkers in stores know me and my kids. There is usually only one door for entrance/exit. There are times when I send her into the drugstore and she's the only person in there.

 

I think there are many things to take into consideration and one would definitely be (like a pp mentioned) the 'alone' age in your state.

[Wabi Sabi]

My ds is also 7 y/o and would love to go into the store alone to pick up an item. I have every confidence that he would be fine (assuming it was a small store, not the huge supermarket.) The only thing that keeps me from actually doing it is the fear of other people flipping out on us. I don't think it's seen as very socially acceptable in most places even though I know he wouldn't have any problem with the task.

[Catwoman]

Yes. There is no other entrance for public use.

 

The problem with most stores is that they also have rear entrances so trucks can make deliveries and/or for employees to use to get in and out of work, so I wouldn't assume my child was safe in a store just because I was near the front entrance.

[In2why]

Do we really have to answer that?

 

I am confused and must not live in the same type of place, but, yes what could happen? Mom is in the car, it is a grocery store, and the child is comfortable. I don't understand the hesitation. Are the grocery stores where you guys live that are dangerous or have more than one door?

[swellmomma]

At the grocery store in my current town I would have no problem. The store is barely bigger than a 7-11 store, usually there is 3-4 staff there and maybe 1 patron and everyone knows everyone in this town. You were sitting right out front in a car, meh no worries. In my old city no way. The grocery stores are huge and busy, in those ones no way. It depends as much on location as on the child's ability to handle the task.

[Denisemomof4]

I would never send a child that young into a store unattended.

[chiguirre]

With only one door, I'd let her do it. You can park in front of the doors and keep an eye on her. I've let my dd order at fast food places by herself since she was 6 and she's always been fine. She's even used coupons.

[ravinlunachick]

I let my very innocent and unworldly 7 yr old go into Aldi's for one or two items. I would not let her go into a larger store alone, though, for the reasons others have posted. She LOVES doing it. I remember going to buy cigarettes for my father when I was 4, so I think this is a happy medium. :p

[Catwoman]

I am confused and must not live in the same type of place, but, yes what could happen? Mom is in the car, it is a grocery store, and the child is comfortable. I don't understand the hesitation. Are the grocery stores where you guys live that are dangerous or have more than one door?

 

At what grocery store is there only one door? I have never seen a grocery store or a convenience store that didn't have a rear entrance for deliveries.

[KungFuPanda]

Also, when your oldest is seven, seven seems much older than it really is.

[zaichiki]

For *my* kids, I wait to send them into stores and such alone until the point in time that I'm confident they would know how to react to a stranger trying to sweet-talk them IYKWIM. I wait until I think they could recognize it and remove themselves, confidently, from the situation (or ask for help if needed). Right now that means I can send my 9 y.o. into our VERY small library and even smaller rural post office. I would send my 12 y.o. into the store alone OR with his sister, but I wouldn't send HER in alone. I think this is *very* situation and child dependent. In short, it depends on the child and the specific store (size, number of people, familiarity, time of day, etc.).

[Farrar]

Sigh.

 

My 7 yos carry out transactions on their own in stores. They are alone in stores sometimes - though I'm usually nearby. By this summer, before they turn 8, they'll be allowed to cross the street to the next block up and go to the coffeeshop, the little corner store (and, I suppose, the gourmet pizza place, the pet supply store and the fancy beer restaurant, though I don't think they'll want to).

 

What's the worst that can happen to them sitting in a car? You could all die. In fact, you're way more likely to there than in the store. What's the worst that could happen to them sitting the house? You could all die. In fact, again, more likely to die there than in the store. I don't live my life thinking that way. I don't want to. I see more benefits to giving my kids whatever responsibility they seem ready for. But, to each their own.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

.

Edited January 4, 2012 by Tibbie Dunbar
nm

[Nakia]

I am confused and must not live in the same type of place, but, yes what could happen? Mom is in the car, it is a grocery store, and the child is comfortable. I don't understand the hesitation. Are the grocery stores where you guys live that are dangerous or have more than one door?

 

I live in a small town that is relatively safe. I have never seen a store with only one door. Even little convenience stores have a back door for deliveries.

 

I can imagine someone seeing a little child walking around a store, alone, and taking advantage of that situation. It's not something I would risk.

[In2why]

I just read the replies and I didn't have any idea this would be so controversial. I do live in a small community, maybe that is the difference, I have also lived all over the world and while I think I am reasonably cautious, I didn't see this an issue. But I admit to being a fan of free range parenting and have seen the numerous benefits to my adult children, and now my youngster.

[Denisemomof4]

Also, when your oldest is seven, seven seems much older than it really is.

 

:iagree:excellent point.

[Nakia]

There is no such thing as a grocery store with only one door. There may be only one public door, but there are certainly other doors.

 

What could happen is that she could be kidnapped and bundled out a back door, hauled into the restroom to be assaulted, molested, followed, harassed, witness a pervert exposing himself, or be collected by a well-meaning store employee or customer and delivered to the police for being unattended by an adult at age 7 and therefore at risk.

 

It has nothing to do with the comfort level and capability of the child. Some five-year-olds could certainly walk into a store, choose an item, and hand over the money at the cash register. Most seven-year-olds could do it.

 

The crime rate in my city is no worse than any other smallish midwestern city, but I would never do this with a 7yo girl.

 

I'm not a helicopter parent, either. I hang on to my little ones very tightly when they are helpless, but when they become man-sized (I have all boys, and they are nearly 6ft tall by age 13) I send/allow them to do things that many people wouldn't allow teens to do. My elementary-aged kids play unattended in the backyard all the time.

 

But protect the little and helpless ones. That's what parents are for. Keep them within sight whenever you are away from home.

 

:iagree: As usual, you hit the nail on the head.

[Guest submarines]

Even if in most cases everything would go smoothly, how would she handle a power-tripping cashier who'd tell her that he is calling the police to report an unattended child, or an obnoxious elderly man / woman who'd pester her with questions? I think 7 is a bit too young.

 

DD9 (who looks and acts 11)were at the cash at a grocery store, when I realised I forgot an item, and had no time to explain to DD where it was located. I left her to unpack the cart on the conveyer, and went to get it myself. I came back 2 minutes later, and she was standing on the side, with a clerk telling her that she couldn't unpack the cart. DD is normally friendly and assertive, but the whole thing happened really fast, she was taken to the side, and who knows what would have happened in the next 2 minutes. Apparently the clerk thought that she'd been abandoned, and didn't believe her when she told him that I was right there in the store, and was supposed to come within seconds. He was about to call the police, he told me. :confused:

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

 

What could happen is that she could be kidnapped and bundled out a back door, hauled into the restroom to be assaulted, molested, followed, harassed, witness a pervert exposing himself

 

I believe the risk of this happening in a grocery store without anyone reacting, in front of surveillance cameras that all stores are now equipped with, is so low as not to be worrisome. The kidnapping cases - that I'm aware of - have the adult convince the child to leave the store voluntarily, through the front door. And then mom would be there, watching.

[Guest submarines]

Also, when your oldest is seven, seven seems much older than it really is.

 

:iagree:Very true.

[zaichiki]

The problem with most stores is that they also have rear entrances so trucks can make deliveries and/or for employees to use to get in and out of work, so I wouldn't assume my child was safe in a store just because I was near the front entrance.

 

It's not just about the door. Kids can be sweet-talked into sharing private information, they can be told creepy, scary things that keep them up at night, they can get distracted/disoriented... What happens if she's in the store and realizes she has to go to the bathroom and thinks, "well, I know where it is, I'll just run right in and be right out..." And who KNOWS who could be in there! There are just TOO many possibilities for my mind.

 

Now ds(12) is mature enough that I would let him walk around in a city... going into the store by himself is fine. He'd know how to handle himself in any number of possible situations. Would he (or anyone) always be completely safe? No. Of course he could slip on a wet spot and crack his head open... whatever.

 

I'm not trying to bomb-proof my kids, but I do want to feel confident in my decisions about their safety. If I was on the fence at all, for any reason, I wouldn't do it.

[Catwoman]

What could happen is that she could be kidnapped and bundled out a back door, hauled into the restroom to be assaulted, molested, followed, harassed, witness a pervert exposing himself, or be collected by a well-meaning store employee or customer and delivered to the police for being unattended by an adult at age 7 and therefore at risk.

 

It has nothing to do with the comfort level and capability of the child. Some five-year-olds could certainly walk into a store, choose an item, and hand over the money at the cash register. Most seven-year-olds could do it.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[zaichiki]

I just read the replies and I didn't have any idea this would be so controversial. I do live in a small community, maybe that is the difference, I have also lived all over the world and while I think I am reasonably cautious, I didn't see this an issue. But I admit to being a fan of free range parenting and have seen the numerous benefits to my adult children, and now my youngster.

 

My mother was a free-range parent to the Nth degree. I've never told her some of the very dangerous things that almost happened to me. Luck or God? I don't know what saved my life many times. It's because of my own personal experience that I am NOT a free-range parent.

[In2why]

At what grocery store is there only one door? I have never seen a grocery store or a convenience store that didn't have a rear entrance for deliveries.

 

Ahh so you are thinking of the risk of a stranger abduction in a public store which has video cameras and likely people in the back working or alarms on the doors that sound when they go off. What would make a 7 year old more vulnerable to that happening than a 12/14/16/ or even older? Bad things happen, horrific things, but I worry more about a brother in law, or a friend's parent, and feel that sometimes concern can be crippling.

[8circles]

Well, my oldest is 8 and I've been letting him go into the library alone for a couple years now. I wait right out front and can see him pretty much the whole time. He just returns books and picks-up holds. I wouldn't let him browse unless there was a specific book he knew he wanted. There are several exits from the building but I feel comfortable with this. I wouldn't let him into our big grocery store alone but I can see it working under the right circumstances.

 

I don't think its a crazy idea.

[Julie Smith]

Sigh.

 

My 7 yos carry out transactions on their own in stores. They are alone in stores sometimes - though I'm usually nearby. By this summer, before they turn 8, they'll be allowed to cross the street to the next block up and go to the coffeeshop, the little corner store (and, I suppose, the gourmet pizza place, the pet supply store and the fancy beer restaurant, though I don't think they'll want to).

 

What's the worst that can happen to them sitting in a car? You could all die. In fact, you're way more likely to there than in the store. What's the worst that could happen to them sitting the house? You could all die. In fact, again, more likely to die there than in the store. I don't live my life thinking that way. I don't want to. I see more benefits to giving my kids whatever responsibility they seem ready for. But, to each their own.

 

 

I liked your thread. I can't say I agree to it because I don't let my kids do all that since it doesn't work in our area quite as easily. But I do sometimes send my eldest to the corner store to buy me something.

[hana]

What's the worst that can happen to them sitting in a car? You could all die. In fact, you're way more likely to there than in the store. What's the worst that could happen to them sitting the house? You could all die. In fact, again, more likely to die there than in the store. I don't live my life thinking that way. I don't want to. I see more benefits to giving my kids whatever responsibility they seem ready for. But, to each their own.

 

:iagree: I live in one of the most dangerous cities in the country (albeit in a fairly safe neighborhood in that city), and I would have no hesitation letting my just-turned-eight child go into a store if I were parked near the entrance. I see it as no less safe than doing the same thing in the smaller city I grew up in, and far safer than some of the places we go together (probably including our own home at night, as there is a good deal of home invasion here--yes, I am working to move us out of this city). Yes, I worked retail for years and I know about the delivery doors. I have to teach my children trust as well as safety, to listen to their gut as well as to fear.

[cathmom]

I would not. I'd be more inclined to leave my perfectly safe children in a locked car that is turned off (and not in the summertime, of course!) while I dash into the store myself than to send a 7yo in. However, I wouldn't do either.

 

I would say about 12, and that depends on how mature the child looks (my 13 yo looks closer to 18) and how comfortable the child is with doing it.

[*Lulu*]

It depends. I let my almost 8yo go alone into the mid-size store near our home during the slower morning hours. This is only if we need one or two things, and only because the staff at this store have known each of my kids since birth.

 

I've let my kids as early as 6yoa go into the post office alone. (It has huge glass windows which allow me to see them at all times.)

 

Would I let them go into a mega-store like Wal-Mart alone? Heck no. Would I let them enter an unfamiliar or busy store alone? Absolutely not!

 

You know your kid, your store, your situation; use your best judgment.

[brett_ashley]

Additional information:

 

It's a large, nice HEB store. We know most of the employees by sight and several by name. I live in a town of 55,000. The tortilleria is near the front of the store, so she would probably be walking a total of 50 yards or so out of my line of sight.

 

I'm certainly aware that a predator could kidnap her and spirit her through a service entrance, but the likelihood is small enough that I would consider it negligible. I do allow my children to play outside unattended (while checking every 10-15 minutes) and someone could also kidnap them there.

 

I live in Texas where there is no specific age at which you can leave them unattended. You can be ticketed or arrested for leaving a child younger than seven unattended in a car for more than five minutes.

 

My only concern is a well-meaning person calling the police. Obviously I don't think I would have them removed from my custody or anything but would prefer not to deal with the headache. So my question remains: At what age would this not happen?

 

I waited until mine were 10. I think 7 is a bit young, and frankly, if I lived where you do, I wouldn't do it that young.

 

Lol, what do you have against my city?

[In2why]

Sigh.

 

My 7 yos carry out transactions on their own in stores. They are alone in stores sometimes - though I'm usually nearby. By this summer, before they turn 8, they'll be allowed to cross the street to the next block up and go to the coffeeshop, the little corner store (and, I suppose, the gourmet pizza place, the pet supply store and the fancy beer restaurant, though I don't think they'll want to).

 

What's the worst that can happen to them sitting in a car? You could all die. In fact, you're way more likely to there than in the store. What's the worst that could happen to them sitting the house? You could all die. In fact, again, more likely to die there than in the store. I don't live my life thinking that way. I don't want to. I see more benefits to giving my kids whatever responsibility they seem ready for. But, to each their own.

 

 

Yep, to each his own. I don't see this as a hill to die on, do as you are comfortable.

[ravinlunachick]

Even if in most cases everything would go smoothly, how would she handle a power-tripping cashier who'd tell her that he is calling the police to report an unattended child, or an obnoxious elderly man / woman who'd pester her with questions? I think 7 is a bit too young.

 

:

 

I would fall out on the floor amazed if any clerk around here called the cops because a 7yo was unattended! Heck, I used to teach in a neighborhood not far from here where 4 yo kids regularly walked ALONE to school from the apartment complex 3/4 mile away. Of course, in that culture, early independence and survival skills were highly valued. I had first graders who ironed their own clothes.

 

As for the questions, I just tell dd not to talk to anyone except the clerk unless it is an emergency. We regularly have "reminder conversations" about what to do if she is in danger or lost. I feel comfortable enough in her ability to scream or run away that I let her go to the bathroom in Costco alone. Depending on how crowded it is, I might make my way back up towards the front, but again, she enjoys the feeling of independence. We also talk frequently about trusting your instincts and being wary.

[Catwoman]

Ahh so you are thinking of the risk of a stranger abduction in a public store which has video cameras and likely people in the back working or alarms on the doors that sound when they go off. What would make a 7 year old more vulnerable to that happening than a 12/14/16/ or even older? Bad things happen, horrific things, but I worry more about a brother in law, or a friend's parent, and feel that sometimes concern can be crippling.

 

Well, you are more than welcome to let your young child go shopping alone in a grocery store. I didn't say that you couldn't do it; I am just saying that I wouldn't do it.

 

Plenty of children have been molested or abducted from places that had security cameras. An awful lot of damage can be done by the time someone bothers to look at camera footage and tries to figure out the identity of an attacker.