HappyLady Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I know, I know, the two should never mix, but....... I'll apologize ahead of time if this gets long. :) I started working at 14 and since then my sister (younger, and my mom, but that's another story) has come to me for money. Long story short, I finally stopped loaning my sister money when we got into our late 20s because she would either never pay me back or would only partially pay me back. She's terrible with money. If she has $5 in her pocket, she finds a way to spend rather than just putting it away. I have always been good with money and because of that I'm financially better off than she is. The problem is that I've never been able to deny her when it came to her kids (she had kids long before I did). If we were out together and the kids wanted something she'd look to me and I was the "bad aunt" if I didn't buy it for the kids. It got to where I stopped going anywhere with them because I was sick of paying for everything. Now that I have kids, I want our kids to grow up together and be close, but I'm back to where I'm paying for everything (or at least until she finally pays me back). We take an annual camping trip that I pay for up front (she doesn't have the credit to do it) and it takes MONTHS of me HOUNDING her for her to pay me. We also try to do little excursions here and there and every single time, I pay for it, then bug her for the money. She could obviously say no to doing these things if she couldn't afford them, but I know her and she'll just spend her money somewhere else. This way, at least the kids are doing things together. Well, I finally lost it the other day when she invited me to where she works (a store in the mall) during a sale where I'd get a regular discount along with her employee discount. She owed me $127 for buying tickets to a show for all of us and I reminded her about the money and that I would need it to shop (she's owed it to me now for about 2 months). When I got to the store I asked for my money and she gave me $100. I looked at her and she said "I'm not going to the bank for $7." I said "$27" and she goes "No, I think you said -" and I cut her off. I REPEATEDLY told her in email and in texts how much she owed me and once again, she short changed me. But that's not the best part. The best part is that she threw some stuff into my cart and when we went to check out (she had to physically pay for it - I gave her the money - to get her discount) I asked if she was going to do two separate orders. She said she couldn't because it would be obvious she was buying my stuff then. So can you figure out what that meant??? Not only did she short me $27, but I paid for her stuff!!!!!! She didn't ask if it was ok, she didn't ask if I minded, NOTHING! She just tossed her stuff in my cart and thought nothing of making me pay for it!!!! Now, I'm not a millionaire by any means. We're not even a six figure income family. We just know how to budget our money and save it. She and her husband use the system and get all sorts of free stuff from the government. They could easily better themselves, but choose not to. That's one of the reasons (besides loving them) that I want to stay so close to my niece and nephews and do things with them because I'm hoping my husband and I are good influences on them. I do NOT want them growing up like their parents! What I'm conflicted about now, is how do I include her kids on trips and such without paying for it all?? If I stop doing it now I'll be the "bad aunt." As it is, I found out awhile ago that she bad mouths me to people because I apparently don't help anyone out. This was after I lent her best friend $300 and foolishly expected it back and after about 6 months of asking for it the best friend told me my sister was right and that I don't help anyone and I "can't take it to the grave" and basically implied that I should be giving my money away!! I saw that there's this event at a local park where Santa is going to be there and I want to take my children. Normally I'd invite my sister and her kids, but I just can't do it. I won't get my money and it will put me in a bad mood. If there's anything to buy I'd end up paying for it. And I'm conflicted now because I had told my sister that for my daughter's birthday (in a couple months) I wanted to do a night at this local hotel that has a water park. I asked her if she wanted to go, but I just can't deal with paying for yet ANOTHER thing and then having to ask for my money! So now we're just canceling it because I don't want to go and have her kids upset that they didn't go as well. I've tried telling her that I don't like having to ask for my money all the time. If she paid me back in a timely manner it wouldn't bother me, but I shouldn't have to ask for months and months. She doesn't seem to care though, and the only solutions I can come up with mean her kids don't join us on events and my kids don't have as much as they would have if their cousins were there. Any advice? :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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