MHowell Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I wouldn't have an issue. It is totally normal here in wine country to have a glass of wine with dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I would be upset, and my kids would not ride with them again. The example set of drinking and driving in any amount is not okay with me. and they had a drink (alcoholic) with their meal? They're also the driver. Is this normal and acceptable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I would not appreciate it. Many people can have only one drink and not be affected; by the same token, many cannot. While the driver may know his or her level very, very well, it is difficult for anyone else to know for sure. It is not an appropriate risk to take with a friend/acquaintance's child. It's presumptuous to assume that the other parent is okay with any level of drinking and driving. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Did your kids see this? I have told my children not to get in the car with people who have been drinking. This could create a tense situation if my children followed my rules in that setting. :001_smile: That's a good point, but if I told my kids not to get in the car with somebody who was drinking, I'd more be thinking of peers. When my kids are teens, I will NOT when they driving with a peer who's had even one drink. For one thing, it's illegal, since teens aren't allowed to drink at all. For another, teens are already at a much higher risk while driving and likely have lower alcohol tolerance, so there's a much greater chance of even one drink affecting their driving. But, I would at the same time want them to be respectful of adults and of cultural differences. If they were at a dinner where the adults had a glass of wine with dinner, I would want them to not have a scene about one of those adults driving them home. I'd certainly be okay with them having a scene if one of the adults had several drinks or was obviously drunk, but even though we don't drink regularly here (we'll have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner once or twice a month, at most), I think they should understand that it is common in many cultures and not something to get upset about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Because a drink with a meal has nothing to do with "getting boozed up". It has nothing to do with "having to have" a drink. For some people, a drink with a meal is a routine part of the meal experience. Only in this country is it such a huge deal. :iagree: If I trusted them with my children I would trust their judgment to have a glass of wine/a beer/a cocktail. :iagree: I would be very angry about this. Even if that were the norm for that person, I expect them to behave with higher standards when they have my children in their company. It seems to me that when you are in charge of other people's kids, you act a little differently. :001_huh: No to both these sentiments. I'm not a fake person. And your kids aren't any better than my kids, so why should I act differently for them? And that isn't even getting into the notion that your standards are "higher" than mine, which they might not be at all to someone else. So no, I already have high standards and don't feel much inclination to be fake for other people's kids. (Or other adults for that matter. I really stink at whole social politics navigation.) I don't expect it of others either. It wouldn't even occur to me to discuss this or give some list of expectations and guidelines of what they can or cannot do when in the presence of my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 For me, the issue would not necessarily be having one drink with a meal, but driving the children of others. Does that make sense? I used to be a Girl Scout leader and I would never dream of having just one drink, even with a meal. The stakes are just too high in my mind, even if well under the limit. They are high enough with my own children, let alone others. If there was some type of accident that one drink would always be the "what if" for me. I would hope other adult drivers would feel that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 A drink with dinner? I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with this at all. That said, I rarely drink alcohol in the presence of my children's friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) . Edited October 24, 2011 by helena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiveOaksAcademy Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) . Edited October 24, 2011 by FiveOaksAcademy momentary lapse of sense Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Yeah, I don't see the big deal. A drink with dinner is not an issue for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It wouldn't even occur to me to discuss this or give some list of expectations and guidelines of what they can or cannot do when in the presence of my kids. No, I wouldn't do that either. I would, however, feel a bit uncomfortable if I found out that someone drank and then drove my kids somewhere. Depending on how well I knew them, I'd think twice before giving them the opportunity to do that again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 That's a good point, but if I told my kids not to get in the car with somebody who was drinking, I'd more be thinking of peers. When my kids are teens, I will NOT when they driving with a peer who's had even one drink. For one thing, it's illegal, since teens aren't allowed to drink at all. For another, teens are already at a much higher risk while driving and likely have lower alcohol tolerance, so there's a much greater chance of even one drink affecting their driving. I've had this discussion very firmly with my oldest. She knows that it is a non-negotiable issue - when she's out with friends even one drink means do not drive. I'm curious how many children would even be aware of what the adults are drinking. Some may be obvious but a lot of drinks it can be hard for another adult to know, much less a child. I would not want to rely on my children to police the adults drinking when they are out to dinner. If I didn't trust the adults, I wouldn't have them taking my kids out alone. If I actually told the adults that I didn't want them drinking at all while driving around my children, I would expect them to either abide by that or tell me they didn't feel able to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 So, those of you that have a problem with it, do you tell the parents when they take your children for social outings that you don't want them to drink? It's clear from the responses here that many think one drink with dinner is ok and wouldn't think anything of it. What I'm trying to say is that maybe if you feel that strongly, you might want to mention that you never drink in front of your children rather than assuming that other parents are going to rise to unexpected higher standards than those that might be considered a social norm. If I were to know that, I would certainly have no problem with honoring those wishes. I don't need the glass of wine so badly that I would want to put it before a relationship. And I think that most people would feel the same way. If they don't, then you probably shouldn't leave your kids alone with them. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 So, those of you that have a problem with it, do you tell the parents when they take your children for social outings that you don't want them to drink? It's clear from the responses here that many think one drink with dinner is ok and wouldn't think anything of it. What I'm trying to say is that maybe if you feel that strongly, you might want to mention that you never drink in front of your children rather than assuming that other parents are going to rise to unexpected higher standards than those that might be considered a social norm. If I were to know that, I would certainly have no problem with honoring those wishes. I don't need the glass of wine so badly that I would want to put it before a relationship. And I think that most people would feel the same way. If they don't, then you probably shouldn't leave your kids alone with them. ;) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjfb Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 So, those of you that have a problem with it, do you tell the parents when they take your children for social outings that you don't want them to drink? It's clear from the responses here that many think one drink with dinner is ok and wouldn't think anything of it. ;) No. That seems over-the-top to me. I think.. my job is to know anyone I leave my kids alone with well enough to decide if they share our feelings. Until I do, the kids aren't alone with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 One drink? I wouldn't think twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) . Edited October 24, 2011 by helena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 No. That seems over-the-top to me. I think.. my job is to know anyone I leave my kids alone with well enough to decide if they share our feelings. Until I do, the kids aren't alone with them. That's fair. But sometimes people can surprise you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Soooo...if I'm the kind of person who would have a glass of wine with dinner and then drive a child home, am I NOT the kind of person who should be trusted with other people's children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) My boldingI don't drink, but this bolded part isn't what I'm saying at all. What would be accurate is that we tell the girls to never drink and drive (when they're of driving age), and that they should never get into the car with someone who's been drinking. I'm not willing to tell my kids this (until they are older and can understand the situation and make real judgment calls) because we go out and get beer with pizza. I think that can be confusing because technically they wouldn't be allowed to get into the car with us. ;) I could order a rum and coke and the children wouldn't even know. The best way is to communicate with the adults they are going to be with if you are opposed to it. Edited October 23, 2011 by jannylynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 FTR, a glass of wine with a dinner out is not going to even have me tipsy by bill-paying time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjfb Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 That's fair. But sometimes people can surprise you. Absolutely. Honestly, with the exception of my father and step-mother, no one drives my kids around in a vehicle. Sort of.. unspoken agreement. And my kids stay almost solely with family members. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 But, I would at the same time want them to be respectful of adults and of cultural differences. If they were at a dinner where the adults had a glass of wine with dinner, I would want them to not have a scene about one of those adults driving them home. I'd certainly be okay with them having a scene if one of the adults had several drinks or was obviously drunk, but even though we don't drink regularly here (we'll have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner once or twice a month, at most), I think they should understand that it is common in many cultures and not something to get upset about. how do you ascertain which culture it IS ok to have a parent have a drink with and then have them drive? Different cultures don't always have different appearances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It would not be acceptable to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) My boldingI don't drink, but this bolded part isn't what I'm saying at all. What would be accurate is that we tell the girls to never drink and drive (when they're of driving age), and that they should never get into the car with someone who's been drinking. Understood and a good rule (and I figured that was part of your reason). However, it might be wise to explain (especially with your 12 year old) the difference between driving drunk and adults having a glass of something with dinner. In once case, the person is schnockered and it is absolutely a terrible, potentially fatal idea. In the other, it is part of the dining and food experience, and one beverage to match a meal isn't going to end them up in the ditch. The difference is demonizing a beverage or describing to a point of understanding the potential affects of said beverage. Edited October 23, 2011 by LauraGB more words Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think.. my job is to know anyone I leave my kids alone with well enough to decide if they share our feelings. Until I do, the kids aren't alone with them. This is the way we feel, too. Our kids aren't left with very many people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 not ok with me..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I don't get how not having A glass of wine with a meal is holding oneself to a higher standard. It honestly would not even occur to me that people would have a problem with it. One glass of wine would in no way make me anywhere near tipsy or boozed up. How ridiculous. Now, I had neighbors who drank more than that and drove. When they asked for the number of our sitter, I warned the sitter's mom not to let them drive her home. But, it would not occur to me that one glass of wine with my meal would be a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I hate alcohol. I hate being around drunk people. But an adult having one beverage with a meal would not be impaired. When my DH still drank (he doesn't....I hate it enough that he quit), we would most certainly go out to lunch with the kids and he would have a beer. I wouldn't make him give me the keys. I wouldn't even consider it. And if I thought he was remotely impaired, I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I've seen relatives get tipsy after one drink. I've also seen restaurants that pour their drinks generously. Therefore, I wouldn't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) Understood and a good rule (and I figured that was part of your reason). However, it might be wise to explain (especially with your 12 year old) the difference between driving drunk and having a glass of something with dinner. In once case, the person is schnockered and it is absolutely a terrible, potentially fatal idea. In the other, it is part of the dining and food experience, and one beverage to match a meal isn't going to end them up in the ditch. The difference is demonizing a beverage or describing to a point of understanding the potential affects of said beverage. In theory, I do agree with this. But, I'd like to say that I know someone who cannot handle alcohol at all. period. One glass of wine, and she's loopy. So, if I had a rule that said, "Hey my 12 year old... One glass of wine or whatever is okay" and my 12 year old got into a car with that person, my 12 year old would be in real danger. Kids do not have the gift of discernment and so I like to err on the side of caution. Better to draw the line in the sand and have them alive, then have them think "Oh, one or to glasses, NO problem." Then have it turn out to be a tragedy. It's a no win situation. Either the parent is offending everyone else for having the rule, or an immature individual is left to attempt to discern whether or not someone is okay to drive. For what it is worth, my brother can also not handle any amount of alcohol whatsoever. A single glass of wine even with food and weighing 186 lbs. makes him feel lightheaded (same guy tends to have every rare side effect to any drug prescribed). So, he has a "you do not ever, ever, ever get in a car with a driver who has consumed any level of alcohol" rule. Maybe he is being judgmental or offensive. But, all he can do is go off his own experience and better safe than sorry. Faith Edited October 23, 2011 by FaithManor spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 :iagree: I wouldn't think twice about two. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Also, I put one drink... but honestly... it could probably just as easily be a shared bottle of wine. The relaxed attitude given here for a single glass is the same reaction I get to a shared bottle.. "no biggie". For a shared bottle, I'd be angry. That absolutely makes people tipsy, but they often don't think that it does. They would not take my children out to dinner again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 In theory, I do agree with this. But, I'd like to say that I know someone who cannot handle alcohol at all. period. One glass of wine, and she's loopy. So, if I had a rule that said, "Hey my 12 year old... One glass of wine or whatever is okay" and my 12 year old got into a car with that person, my 12 year old would be in real danger. Kids do not have the gift of discernment and so I like to err on the side of caution. Better to draw the line in the sand and have them alive, then have them think "Oh, one or to glasses, NO problem." Then have it turn out to be a tragedy. It's a no win situation. Either the parent is offending everyone else for having the rule, or an immature individual is left to attempt to discern whether or not someone is okay to drive. For what it is worth, my brother can also not handle any amount of alcohol whatsoever. A single glass of wine even with food and waying 186 lbs. makes him feel lightheaded (same guy tends to have every rare side effect to any drug prescribed). So, he has a "you do not ever, ever, ever get in a car with a driver who has consumed any level of alcohol" rule. Maybe he is being judgmental or offensive. But, all he can do is go off his own experience and better safe than sorry. Faith Okay. But are those the same people who will take someone else's children out to dinner and think nothing of ordering a glass of wine? Probably not. I am making assumptions here, it's true (because I don't know the family who took OP's kids out to dinner), but if I didn't know how I would handle it, I would never consider ordering a drink while I was in charge of another's family (or even my own, for that matter, regardless of who was driving). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Soooo...if I'm the kind of person who would have a glass of wine with dinner and then drive a child home, am I NOT the kind of person who should be trusted with other people's children? Well, it seems there are a whole bunch of us who apparantly can not be trusted with other peoples children. I don't get how not having A glass of wine with a meal is holding oneself to a higher standard. It honestly would not even occur to me that people would have a problem with it. One glass of wine would in no way make me anywhere near tipsy or boozed up. How ridiculous. :iagree: I'm just perplexed at the term "higher standard" in this context. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I've also never seen a bar/restaurant be "generous" with their servings. I might not be ok with driving children after a glass of wine in my living room. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 A drink? As in one? Wouldn't think twice about it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 If I trusted the parents' judgment to take my kids to dinner, then I would trust their judgment to know how much they can drink and still keep my (an their own) children safe. One drink wouldn't be an issue, especially with a meal. :iagree: Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I've also never seen a bar/restaurant be "generous" with their servings. I might not be ok with driving children after a glass of wine in my living room. ;) :iagree:I'm sure they would water down the wine if they could get away with it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 If you've never been to a restaurant where ordering one drink might equal multiple drinks, you haven't been to many restaurants. There are popular chain restaurants with all manner of drinks that are equivalent to more than one drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 If you've never been to a restaurant where ordering one drink might equal multiple drinks, you haven't been to many restaurants. There are popular chain restaurants with all manner of drinks that are equivalent to more than one drink. I have been to these places and would not consider that to be one drink even if it is coming in one big mug. (Houlihan's "iced teas" come to mind). Neither would any other responsible adult. This is not the same as a beer or a glass of wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 ITA. I would have a single shot drink, a margarita as an example and would be very surprised if it was a strong drink. To be honest, I had 3 margaritas at bookclub last week that didn't even produce a buzz (over the course of a 2 hour dinner). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 The OP said she didn't know if it was one beer, one glass of wine, or a shared bottle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 We have a restaurant here that serves a certain drink in a "bucket." That drink is equal to several drinks. I wouldn't order it (at all, really) without being sure to have a designated driver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I haven't read all of the replies, so do forgive me if this has been stated, but we have a "do not get into the car if the driver has had any alcohol" rule. Different people react to alcohol in different amounts, so we feel that this is the best rule for our child. Dd knows that we have a glass of wine occasionally, but she also knows that we do so at home, when we have no intention whatsoever of getting into a vehicle. If a friend violated this rule, dd would no longer be permitted to be in a car with them. I should also mention that I am speaking as someone who has known loss because of a drunk driver. That changes one's perspective dramatically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 and they had a drink (alcoholic) with their meal? They're also the driver. Is this normal and acceptable? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 ITA. I would have a single shot drink, a margarita as an example and would be very surprised if it was a strong drink. To be honest, I had 3 margaritas at bookclub last week that didn't even produce a buzz (over the course of a 2 hour dinner). Where do you live? If you order a margarita where I live, it's generally huge. Heh. Huge enough that if someone told me, "Hey, I had a margarita while I was out with the kids," I would freak! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 The OP said she didn't know if it was one beer, one glass of wine, or a shared bottle. that was added much later in the thread. The original question seemed to indicate one drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 and they had a drink (alcoholic) with their meal? They're also the driver. Is this normal and acceptable? Interestingly, this very issue came up at our house just last night when EK went to a festival with a friend and the friend's mom, who was the driver. EK told us that the mom had at least one drink with dinner, and then drove EK home. We have a zero tolerance policy. We do not drink. Period. We do not have alcohol in our home, nor do we drink in public. Ever. I am upset that someone whom I trusted with my child chose to drink in front of her and then drive with my child in the car. We have instructed our children not to ever ride with a friend who has been drinking, and I am certain that if that had been the case, EK would have refused to ride with that person. The situation was made much more difficult because the drinker was the adult who was in charge. I will have a talk with my daughter to make sure that she knows that if this ever happens again, she should call me or dh to pick her up, and refuse to ride with anyone who has been drinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 The "do not get in car if the driver has had any alcohol" that day? Personally, I'm going to have to assume that anyone I trust with my children is going to have to have the common sense to not drive while impaired. There is no way for me to be 100% sure that they haven't shared a bottle of wine with only one other person (because a bottle of wine shared between 4 people is really just a small glass each ;) ), or had a dose of painkillers, or didn't sleep last night, or use her cell phone, or whatever. I'd go crazy otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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