Advice on how to cope with leaving family.

[5LittleMonkeys]

There is a very remote chance that we might be in a position to move to England, specifically Lakenheath. Even if we don't end up going to England the possibility of us having to move out of state by this time next year are pretty high due to a layoff that dh may or may not (but it looks like he will likely) be effected by. Dh wasn't going to actively pursue another job until he knew he was going to be cut or not but this position at Lakenheath came to his attention and he is perfectly qualified for it and the pay would be substantially more than he is making now. He feels drawn to go ahead and apply for it, as he has always wanted for us to experience England since he had such a great time when he was living there. While the prospect of going to England is extremely exciting, and getting to see where dh did some of his growing up would be so great, I can't help but have some pangs of panic and remorse.

 

The problem: I am extremely close to my mom, dad and my sister. Up until 4 years ago I had always lived within walking distance of my mom and now I live about 30 minutes away and we both wish we could be closer. I've gotten closer to my sister in the last 4 years than I ever have before and my dc and she are very, very close. I'm close to tears right now even thinking about moving such a distance from them. There is no way we could afford more than a once a year visit and I don't know if they would be able to visit at all unless we helped cover the cost of the flight. Even if we could do that we are talking about only seeing each other twice a year.

 

I know it would be such an amazing opportunity for the dc, and I won't lie in telling you it would be a lifetime dream come true for me. The only thing holding me back from really praying for it is the feelings I have about being away from my mom and sister, mostly my mom. I'm even feeling guilty. Ever since we told her that there was a possibility of the layoff she has told me that she knows we have to do what is best for our family but that she doesn't know what she would do without me nearby. When we moved to CO 6 years ago she and my dad packed up and moved with us. When we moved back here to TN they moved back too. They ended up getting a house before we did and when we made the decision to purchase in a different town it really tore her up and she ended up having to go on anxiety meds for awhile.

 

I've actually had nightmares the last two nights where she ends up getting sick and near death and I can't get back to the states to be with her. I love her dearly and we really do have a great relationship, although the way I've painted it might seem as if she is too needy or clingy. That really isn't the way it is...we are just both very close. I know I will be just as upset to be away from her as she would be. It will be almost as difficult to leave my sister too. We are like best friends.

 

As I said above, our moving may not actually happen at all but since it is a real possibility I feel like I need to start dealing with how to cope with this separation anxiety. I feel completely silly right now because as I'm typing this my heart is actually pounding and all these thoughts of all the things I'm going to miss doing with my mom, dad and sister are running through my head.

 

Thanks for any advice you can give me. :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

It seems that we are probably going to move 3000 miles away from our beloved family in less than a year. I just don't know how that is going to work, and I have often changed the subject when it's come up. The thought has been difficult. I see one of my sisters every single say and we help each other a great deal. I don't have a lick of advice and I spend a lot of time trying not to think about it. Dh promises we won't sell our house. I am trying to see it as an adventure, but I've changed. I am much more rooted these days. Ths is my home, my Place. I've lived far away from family before and it was fine; we have lovely memories, but we came home because it was home.

Edited October 13, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Chris in VA]

All I can offer is

Leave and Cleave, Baby. Leave and Cleave.

[amey311]

We moved across the country when Thing 1 was 1. It's been hard - hard for my kids to know the few cousins they have (back on the east coast), hard for them to really get time with grandparents, hard to make new friends in a new place with a slightly new culture and attitudes.

 

But, I do work to bloom where I'm planted. The internet is a huge help now - the kids can use Skype to talk to family. We've used Facebook more and more to keep up with the little bits of life that aren't worth a long distance phone call.

 

That said, it's okay to be worried about being away from people! It's almost like preparing to grieve (not that anyone's dying! but a huge separation and a major life change like this can be difficult). Would you consider talking to your minister or a counselor? They might be able to give you some tools to help make it more manageable - relaxation techniques, strategies for communication, etc.

 

We've all made some amazing friends here and we've explored a part of the country we quite possibly never would've visited. There are loads of things I dislike about where I live and things that are "better" than where I grew up. I still want to move back :)

 

The one thing I would suggest you do, though, is look into cost of living in your potential area of England. We were there a couple summers ago, and some things are more expensive. You can't just look at the potential new salary in isolation. I'm sure there are members here who can talk to you about typical costs for things.

[iamrachelle]

All I can offer is

Leave and Cleave, Baby. Leave and Cleave.

 

:iagree:

 

BTW... I grew up at Lakenheath. You can't go wrong, my friend.

 

Oh, and eat at Brown's while you're there. Great little restaurant in Cambridge across from the university. The mushrooms are to die for.

[aggieamy]

:grouphug:. I couldn't do it. My sister and I are extremely close and if I left the country she'd have to come with me. Of course, my MIL is in the nursing home and my grandmother is very ill so we couldn't leave anyway.

[amey311]

:grouphug:. I couldn't do it. My sister and I are extremely close and if I left the country she'd have to come with me. Of course, my MIL is in the nursing home and my grandmother is very ill so we couldn't leave anyway.

 

How firm is your "couldn't"? I always wonder how firm people are when they say things like that.

 

I never wanted to move to Phoenix. Never. I grew up in upstate NY. DH and I were living in western Connecticut. I LOVE the northeastern US. LOVE it. I love autumn. My family is there. I had made good friends there. Aside from "being with my family" my favorite physical place is there.

 

April 2001 I told people that while DH's office was moving to AZ, we were NOT going. Same for May, June and July. In August we flew to AZ so he could train his replacement. He was finishing up the contract he had with his employer and was looking everywhere for a new contract. Remember 2001? The tech drop? Yeah - jobs were few and far between. He could work in NYC (which he HATES), commuting 90+ minutes everyday (less time with his wife and baby), or he could work downstate NY for fewer hours and a lower hourly rate that would make it financially difficult.

 

Or - we could move to AZ. His employer still had a job for him (as a regular employee rather than a contractor). We moved. It was rough. We see less of family now that the boys are older and playing hockey which makes scheduling trips harder. In the intervening time: my brother has divorced and moved in with someone else in another city. My grandfather has died. My grandmother has gotten 10 years older. FIL and MIL have had health issues. MIL has remarried. GMIL has been ill. DH's uncle has remarried and is having a baby. My special place has been sold. My dear friends back there have had babies and family deaths and all kinds of things. And yeah - it completely SUCKS to be so far away.

 

But this is where we need to be right now. We're taking steps to be able to move back east to be near family even though DH has really grown to love living here. It's the only place the boys know as home. It will be equally as awful for them to move back as it was for me to move here.

[Lily_Grace]

Skype.

Vonage.

Weekly calls.

Facebook.

 

I won't lie. It is hard, and more so when family makes you feel guilty or doesn't make the same effort. We had a big blow up earlier this year when MIL forgot both kids' birthdays and then tried to turn it on us because it was "our fault" we lived so far away when the rest of the family was within driving distance.

 

BUT, the positives more than make up for the negatives. Dh and I knew we had a once in a lifetime opportunity here and took it. Family is family, but we would not always get the chance to live in Europe and explore what it has to offer. Simply put, living here is better for our kids right now. It's better for us. Yes, we miss family, especially around the holidays, but we also make our own family wherever we go.

[Heather in Neverland]

My nuclear family and what is best for them comes first. My extended family comes second.

 

I would not say I will "never" move away from my mom or brothers, etc. because my loyalty is with my husband first. I go where he goes.

 

I miss my family terribly but I do not regret for one second moving here. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity I can give my children even if it means I will miss my extended family.

 

The sacrifice has been well worth it. And skype is AWESOME!

[Mama Geek]

Go to England. Just my opinion.

[Mom in High Heels]

You have to do what is best for your family. Your immediate family, which is your dh and children. The rest of your family is your extended family. I'm betting they probably lived their lives they way they wanted when they were younger. You can't live your life based on what other people want. You have no reason to feel guilty at all. This is your life and your decision. It would be an amazing opportunity. We've never lived at Lakenheath, though we have several friends who have and love it. After this next assignment (Wiesbaden, Germany), James Bond is going to see if he can get a position at RAF Molesworth. He's army and this is a place he can go in England.

Other than the first year of our marriage, JB and I have never lived closer than 8 hours to our parents (TN). We've lived in Germany almost 10 years now, with another 3 to go. We love living in Europe. Indy has spent more of his life in Europe than in the States (both he and Han Solo were born in Germany). Indy has been to 12 countries (including one in Africa), skied that Alps and swam in the Mediterranean of the southern coast of France. He lives a good life and is already planning where he wants to go next year (Greece, Turkey, back to England and it settles down Egypt).

They still see my parents a few times a year. Indy talks on the phone to my mom at least 3 times a week for 45 minutes or more. We also Skype. My mom and dad have been over to visit us several times and loved getting to see Europe. My mom and I went to Paris for a week and she had the time of her life.

It will be hard at first, and your family may be upset or even angry with you, but again this is your life, not theirs. They'll eventually get over it. If your dh gets the job, he gets the job, you pack up and go. Go with a good attitude and think of the possibilities. Don't sit around thinking about how your family feels. There are many, many people who live where we do who gripe and moan about how much they hate it here and can't wait to go back to the US. You know why? Because they never get out and explore and see how amazing it is. They stay on post and complain. We live within 20 minutes of 3 castles and 5 castle ruins. Downtown is stunningly gorgeous.

Stop feeling guilty and think about your future.

 

This is the blog of a lady who lives at Lakenheath. 3 Bedroom Bungalow in Crazy Town. Be sure to read this post. They have to decide whether they want to go back to the US or stay in the UK. She wants to stay.

 

Good luck in your decision, but again, this is about your immediate family, not extended.

[TheReader]

It's an adjustment, for sure, but it's good or can be if you are willing to let it be.

 

Skype. Email. FaceTime, if you're iPhone people. Facebook. We talk to our parents weekly, my husband emails his mom daily still (she emails him), the kids are still very close to all the grandparents/cousins, etc.

 

Is it hard at times? Yes. Absolutely. As we've reached the point in time that we thought would be the end of our time here, but turns out is more than likely the halfway point, it's hard for us. It's hard to look at our boys the ages they are now (the older ones) and realize we most likely won't be back in the US in time for them to have childhood friendships with their childhood friends.

 

But. We have to also look at who they are today, what great things they've experienced living outside the US, and recognize that though they do miss their friends they don't miss any of the things we think of them as "missing out on." And truly, thanks to email/skype and the resiliency of children, the close bonds they had when we left the US 4 yrs ago are still just as close or closer. On both ends, not just ours. Ditto the adults :)

 

Do look at cost of living, and also I'm not sure from your post if it's a local position he found in England or an ex-pat position with ex-pat benefits, but it might be that they'd pay for you to visit the US once/year, and after a few trips you'd be able to use frequent flier miles to bring family over to visit you. But truly, the missing family part is manageable. It really, truly is.

[Amira]

For me, it's been easy to focus on all the amazing opportunities we've had because we haven't stayed close to family. Yes, there are some things we miss, and yes, there have been a few regrets, but overall, I think it's been better to try new places.

 

There really isn't anything like living very close to family (either for the good parts or the bad parts), but I've found that we are better at keeping in contact when we live in another country than just a few states away from our extended families.

[Impish]

First of all, I'd look at cost of living, taxation rates, etc. Ensure that what looks like a boost in income actually is.

 

If the income is comparable, or higher once those factors are assessed, I'd run like my hair was on fire and my butt was catching!

 

First of all, I wonder how your dh would feel about *not* going, given his having lived there before, and the potential for him losing his job and the current economy in the States. If he didn't pursue this opportunity solely due to your family ties, would he resent it? Esp if it means that his family suffered financially? I know Wolf would.

 

Do what's best for your family under your roof. Some opportunities only come along once.

 

Yes, your parents will miss you and the kids...but they should understand that you have to do what's best for you guys, and support you in it.

[southernm]

I've moved many times. My last two moves were to come back home to "THE BORO" of all places, only to stay a year before being transferred to Canada. I miss mboro so much, except for the traffic. Here is a random list of things to help you out:

 

Plan for the relatives to come and visit ASAP or for you to return visit. It is so much easier to say Bye, see ya xyz" then to say bye and not know when you will see them again.

 

Immerse yourself in research and try to get excited about it to take your mind off the down side. But it's ok because you will cry!

 

Start a savings account for flights home in case of emergency. Just knowing the money is there is a peace of mind for you and your family. I would tell mom "I have the money for tickets in a special account so I can come home in any emergency"

 

Research all you can about where you are going. Just know that you will have to completely change your shopping habits and expectations of brands/selection (this has been tough for me. No white gravy sold in Canada-WHAT??)

 

I find that I begin to isolate myself from the community in prep for the move. It seems easier to break ties in advance of the move so I'm not overwhelmed by saying goodbye to everyone at once.

 

Set up and use Skype or FaceTime to stay in touch. It might be beneficial to sign up for a vonage phone number before you go. You sign up in your american address, take the unit with you, and when families call they will call the local number not London's.

 

Make a visit to the area you will be staying first. Buy everything you think you will need including clothing so you don't have to buy it there. It will probably be more expensive.

 

 

This is just a few of my experiences. Hope this helps! Feel free to PM!

Edited October 13, 2011 by southernm

[Impish]

It's very difficult and there are moments my husband and I both are bitter and sad that we aren't near family. His family is in Germany. He seemed to have this thought that we would move there someday. I can't see that happening ever. I no longer live near family either. Holidays are lonely. When there is a problem there is never anyone to call on.

 

We did what we had to do, but I dunno, the price we paid was high.

 

I just want to tell you like it is.

I totally empathize. :grouphug:

 

I live across country from my family. The family members that Wolf likes moved to another province. It is isolating and lonely...never been more clear than right now, w/me being disabled and expecting a baby.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

My mom is my best friend. We are super close and I'm extremely close to my mil as well (I know it's crazy!). We have always lived super close to family and those we weren't close to (distance-wise) we visited on a regular basis. We are originally from MN.

 

6 years ago we moved to Guatemala. It's been tough--not going to lie. But it was a great move for our family. We are so grateful. We have seen my parents about once every 18 months or so and my dh's mom about every 2 years. We have gone back to visit twice. They have come here to visit us the other times. It's been good.

 

The thing is it's a lot easier than I thought it would be. There's skype and so many other ways to keep in contact. The world is a lot smaller now! I liberally use technology to keep up with everyone and it helps a lot.

 

My dad has had several heart attacks since I moved here and it's been hard not being able to be with family but that's what happens when you make the choices you make. This is our home now and we love it here. There are challenges for sure but it's all been good.

[SailorMom]

All I can offer is

Leave and Cleave, Baby. Leave and Cleave.

 

:iagree:

 

Of course it will be hard to be away from family (we've been away for over 10 years now), but moving to England?!?!? Go for it!!! You may be surprised at how often family can make it out. Airfare isn't all that bad if you wait for sales, and if ma and pa moved to be near you - I have a feeling they will fly to see you.

With Skype and email you'll still be able to actually be in close contact.

As for getting back for emergencies - well - sure, it will take longer. However, it would take longer if you were on vacation somewhere and found out she was sick - and it doesn't stop you from vacationing, right?

Don't let all the scary "what if"'s hold you back from a great opportunity.

[LuvingLife]

I am dreading the day I have to leave my family too, I don't know what I would do without them, I am not close to any outside family, (except two of my cousins) but my mom and dad, brothers and sisters, it is going to be a very hard decision. None of my siblings want me to go (which I take as a good sign!:D) but I know the day is coming that I can't stay with them forever and I need to move on. I won't be moving far away though, after I finish my degree and get a job, I will start looking for houses in Maine, Vermont, or New Hamshire as those are the states I am very fond of, Canada is nice too.

 

I would say go for it, try out the new place and if you don't like it move on back home!:)

[littlebug42]

Having lived far from my family before, I have no desire to do it ever again. My Dad was very ill at one point and I had to leave to go back home while he was still in the ICU. I moved back home as soon as I could. Now, our mothers and siblings all live within 15 minutes of each other and we love it that way. DH and I both grew up far from our grandparents, cousins etc and hated it.

 

I understand the great opportunity to live in England but I just couldn't do it unless it were the absolute last resort for our family and with the understanding that we would be actively pursuing a way to come home.

[SailorMom]

I wanted to speak to the isolating aspect....

It can be. Absolutely. But it is what you make it. We are military, but keep in mind we only have a few close military friendships - and all but one of those live in either different countries or states.

You have to be willing to reach out, over and over. Get the kids involved in activities and get to know the parents by being actively involved. Invite other families over for holidays even if you barely know them (and if they have other plans, they will frequently invite you along).

Go up to your new neighbors' front doors with cookies (and a card with your contact info) and introduce yourself- offer to babysit pets, invite them over for coffee (in England - tea ;) ).

Join book clubs even if you don't want to read the book, and RSVP yes to all those annoying jewelry and candle parties :)

[Tess in the Burbs]

we moved cross country years ago and it did change the relationship with my mom and inlaws. It was something we both wanted though and it was hard. In fact, it was missing my mom that made me encourage dh to go back east. We did but life happened and we don't live close to my mom at all now.

 

it seems like your parents move with you though. And since they couldn't do that do England I assume(?) perhaps you need to be honest with your dh that an adventure for a year might be nice but long term you don't want that for you or your family.

 

My mom and I gave up seeing each other often and now it's only a few times a year even though we are on the same coast. She learned we will do our own thing and so she went and moved and does her own thing.

 

our inlaws just never come see us anymore, lol. they literally all live on one street together. We don't so we aren't part of the family in their eyes any more.

 

I will say that those years out west missing my mom were hard. These past 2 years have been hard b/c we moved farther away. I miss her. But I can't change it now. And I couldn't change it before. Dh was laid off and we had to move for the job.

 

If you have other options then push to do those. Once you start your worldly travels it may get hard to get back to what you wanted. :grouphug: Don't envy your choices.

 

We talked about living overseas but I know my mom would be a huge factor in that decision.

[Jennifer3141]

Is there anyway you could take your mother with you? You're going to be in a strange country. You might as well take company along!

 

And England has elder care figured out a bit better than the US anyway.

[SailorMom]

I agree. I'm sure it is far easier for sociable and outgoing people. My husband and I aren't. That's a huge part of the problem.

 

Yeah - I'm actually rather introverted, and have social anxiety. So - this has been great therapy for the anxiety part ;) It is hard, and being an extrovert certainly helps, but if I can do it..... It really is only hard the first few times, and then the awkwardness gets better. Kids' activities really help because the kids are sort of a 'buffer'.

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

only you can decide whether you can/want to/will be able to do it.

 

fwiw, i'm on my fourth country. it is very hard on my mom. it is very hard on me. but life is hard.... and good. i wouldn't trade the experiences we've had for anything. being away from family strengthened our marriage and our nuclear family a lot. the one caveat is that you end up with children whose cultural experience is different than yours. our eldest moved back to canada last year with her husband, and it looks as if that's where they will end up permanently. she also went back to the UK for a year during university, and almost ended up there permanently.

 

fwiw, we loved living in england, and found the family and village life to be what we had dreamed of having....

 

choosing a credit card that gives you air miles can help a lot with that sense of isolation.

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Parrothead]

I suppose I was not raised to be clingy to my parents. I left home when I was done with college (not graduated, just done) and moved 6 hours away. From there we moved across the country and now we are at opposite ends of the eastern US.

 

It has never phased me to be away from my mom and dad. I'd jump at the chance to experience a different country/culture for an extended period of time. My parents would disown me if I tried to stay put to be close to them.

 

There is a whole world out there. Don't limit yourself to your little corner of it. And don't force your children to do the same.

[Amira]

I agree. I'm sure it is far easier for sociable and outgoing people. My husband and I aren't. That's a huge part of the problem.

 

I don't know that it has to be easier for outgoing types. Like you, my husband and I aren't. I think if we were outgoing the first few months of a move would be more difficult because the isolation would be harder to deal with. For me, being an introvert makes it easier because I don't mind isolation.

[mommaduck]

Take a deep breath, a leap of faith, and enjoy the ride ;) There are computers, telephones, cameras, and old fashioned pen & paper for contact.

[Mrs Mungo]

I lived in the same house from 2 years old until I married at 21. One of my 3 sisters lives 5 hours from my parents. The rest of the family lives within a 30 minute radius. We're an extremely close family. But, I left.

 

I've lived all over-on both coasts, in Europe, in Hawaii, etc. It isn't always easy. When my grandmother took a turn for the worse I flew back home and saw her in the hospital. She passed away soon after I went back to Germany. I wasn't able to go back so soon for the funeral, but I saw her before she passed. When my grandfather passed away I was able to get a flight out from Hawaii that night to be with my mom and family. I dealt with arrangements and family drama over the phone until I got there.

 

We don't always make it home for Christmas or other holidays, sometimes due to distance and sometimes due to the nature of dh's job.

 

But, we talk on the phone, even with my aunts or uncles. Facebook makes it easy to upload photos on the go that the whole family can see at once. Skype, email, there are so many ways to keep in touch these days.

 

I love my family. I'm still close with my family, even though I don't see them as often as I would like. But, I don't know that I would trade the experiences we've had for anything.

[Laura Corin]

I don't have any advice about leaving family. Before accepting the post, however, I strongly advise looking into the costs involved in living in Lakenheath. You can look at houses here. The median full-time income (one earner, although most families have two) is around GBP 25,000. Tax rates are here. Employees also have to pay National Insurance (which covers unemployment pay and government pension).

 

I'm not at all trying to put you off - our lives have been enormously enriched by living abroad - but you need to know what the quoted salary will provide.

 

Laura

[southernm]

I don't know that it has to be easier for outgoing types. Like you, my husband and I aren't. I think if we were outgoing the first few months of a move would be more difficult because the isolation would be harder to deal with. For me, being an introvert makes it easier because I don't mind isolation.

 

I so agree. I couldn't care less if I met or had one friend in the places we have lived. Sure I make "acquaintances" but I still talk daily to my very best friend from where I consider home. Also, I don't think anyone can understand unless you've been there, what a tight knit nuclear family this situation creates. It is wonderful. I feel like my children and I are closer than ever because of it.

[PentecostalMom]

All I can offer is

Leave and Cleave, Baby. Leave and Cleave.

:iagree:

 

I know it is difficult as well. Dh joined the Army after 9/11 and our first duty station was Germany! I had never been away from my family, I cried all the way to the airport (had never flown either) and was generally scared and miserable from the time I found out until I finally got there with my dh (he had to go ahead of us, so I was alone with ds going over). After a short while, I learned to love it there and take advantage of what Europe had to offer. I wouldn't take back that experience for anything! I think it made our marriage stronger as well because we HAD to lean on each other for EVERYTHING, there was no one else. We were doing okay before, but that time overseas solidified our marriage like nothing else could have.

 

Since then, we have been in various places all over the world. Dh was injured in Iraq during his last deployment and is now a Department of Defense employee, which means we still move around. I still love and miss my family, but I have learned that he is #2 (after God) and that our own little family is my rock and home is where they are.

 

Blessings in where ever life may lead!

[5LittleMonkeys]

Thank you all for your responses! There are too many to quote so I'll just touch on a couple things.

 

First, it makes me feel better to hear that the majority of you (especially thos that moved to another country) have said that although it is hard, you don't regret the experiences. I imagine going to another state wouldn't be nearly as rewarding. Although, I've not been to them all so I could be totally wrong!

 

We wouldn't have any problems with feeling isolated. There is no way I would go to England and then just sit in my house everyday...I've had a list of things I've wanted to see and do made up for the last 10 years! We are also pretty social and have no problems making friends. I know I will definitely have to adjust the way we do things. Shopping a month at a time will be a thing of the past I'm sure. We have looked into the cost of housing and other goods. We are pretty sure we would still end up coming out of it with more money left over after expenses than we have now. I'm not sure of the other benefits. Dh would be working as a civilian employee for the company that holds the contract for the Pmel lab at Lakenheath.

 

If he were to be offered the job we would go regardless of my feelings about leaving my family. I would never prevent us from doing what is best for our family just because I would miss my family. We've always been of the opinion that you go where the job is, it just so happens that the job has always been where my family is. (Except for CO, in which case my mom and dad went with us). Plus, I WANT to go...I just know it's going to be soooo hard on everyone with the exception of dh. Growing up in the military and then serving in the AF himself, he is used to moving around and being away from extended family.

 

I would miss my extended family terribly but I think I could cope, especially considering all of the amazing things we would be getting to experience. The part I know I would have the most trouble with would be the guilt. I know my mom and my sis would understand if dh got laid off and we had to move out of state in order to find a job of comparable pay. They would know that we were moving due to circumstances beyond our control. I don't think they will view a move to England the same way, especially if we were to do it without knowing for sure if he would have gotten laid off or not. I've mentioned England to my mom once before and she commented that why on earth would we do that when we could move just to another state and be much more accessible for visiting. She has never been the adventurous type...moving to CO with us was a major upheaval for her.

 

I guess she does place a lot of guilt on me, although not intentionally. She is prone to depression and anxiety so that is a huge worry for me. She has my sister here but they have never been as close as she and I, and she doesn't make as big an effort to visit her as often as I do. I think, if I could get her to see what an amazing opportunity this would be for us, and to be excited for us, I would be able to cope better. I think my dad would be excited and would probably make a big effort to visit as he has always wanted to travel to Europe. However, since I don't even know if it will happen I think I should just wait with talking to them about it.

 

As I mentioned previously, even if we don't go to England we may still have to move out of state. It's funny though that I don't feel guilt about that. First, we would only do that if he actually got laid off, so it would be a "have to" scenario. Second, it would be much closer and we could all visit much more frequently.

 

I guess really, what it boils down to, is making this, if it happens, easier on my mom and sister. I know it isn't my responsibility to do so, but in making them feel better about it I make myself feel better too. Well, thanks for letting me talk this through here. It really helps to get others thoughts and hear about your experiences.

[aggieamy]

How firm is your "couldn't"? I always wonder how firm people are when they say things like that.

 

 

I know this isn't my thread but since this was directed at me I'll go ahead an answer. It is easy for me to say that I couldn't do it because it's not something we could do. There is no way. DH is the power of attorney and the only family member for MIL who is dying in a nursing home and I'm helping take care of my grandmother who is gravely ill. When I say I couldn't do it, I mean that there is no way. If we didn't have those responsibilities and I had money to help my sister out so she could visit regularly then it would be hard but it would be something to consider.