Struggling to keep my cool/not stress with my 2-3 yr. old

[atara]

I am being really honest here. I can't stand to be around my son for more than 30 minutes! I don't home school, but I figure maybe you who can handle this age could help me if you would be so kind.

 

It's just this stage! He is very demanding, always saying no, everything is a battle. I know enough to know that this really is a part of his development. I'm totally, completely aware of that.

 

What I AM saying is that my personality does NOT Handle this phase well at ALL and my neck gets totally knotted up and I am so close to wanting to hit him when I get so aggravated.

 

I give myself breaks - yes. BUt they don't help - as soon as I'm with him again I'm right back where I was.

 

Please help!:angelsad2:

[swellmomma]

Have you ever been screened for depression? The reason I ask is that when I have depression it comes out as zero patience. frustration and anger, never with the crying, lethargy etc that you think of with depression. That toddler stage is definitely a trying time but I think that if it is bothering you to the extent you are saying and that you can't stand to be around him and come close to wanting to hit him you need to examine why as much as how to fix that. Talk to a professional about this, They can screen you for depression and whether you have it or not they can help you learn healthy coping techniques etc to be sure that you do not damage your relationship with your son before he is out of this stage. Your post really does worry me greatly and needs to be examined further.

[jennsmile]

:grouphug: Perhaps try some fun activities with your little one, playdough, playground, reading books.

 

I find when I can't stand my little one either he is hungry or tired or I am hungry or tired. They really need food more often than we do and cuddling never hurt either even if they don't fall asleep.

 

 

Instead of telling him what to do you might give him choices, do you want to wear the blue shoes or your clogs...My little one is pretty independent when it comes to getting dressed anymore but offering two acceptable to you choices puts you back in control.

[atara]

Hi Brandy,

 

I don't have depression. I actually do see a therapist once per week. I've done lots of work on my adrenals and sleeping habits so physically I'm doing well. I have a parent with a terminal illness so that doesn't help.

 

I think a lot of it is just this personality conflict and then the fact that I just don't like this age/stage. I wasn't like this until he got to this part of his development.

 

I know it goes by fast, but when I'm in the middle of it that doesn't help. I don't want to damage the bond with him.

 

We do snuggle often. In fact, he kind of connects me with snuggling. So I'm glad for that part.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: That is a trying age, but I agree with the PPs. You might be on edge for reasons that have nothing to do with his toddler behavior, whether depression or stress.

 

Also, I have found, that even with my kids, who are now 7 & 8, that when they are annoying the living daylights out of me, they are basically looking for attention. So, I read them a book, play a game with them, take a walk with them, etc.

 

Try playing or reading with him when he's acting whiny. Bring out the play dough or shaving cream. Fill a pan with water and let him scoop some out in measuring cups. Play Simon Says. Whatever works to get you both back in a good mood.

[chepyl]

I agree with the pp, sometimes when my three year old (and even my 6 year old) is driving me nuts, she just needs me time. She needs me to sit and play legos with her or color or dance. A little bit of mommy time goes along way for both of us.

 

Next time you feel stressed, grab his favorite toy and sit down to play with him.

[atara]

I appreciate the ideas of playing with him, and I know this sounds HORRIBLE -

but playing with him is some kind of torture for me. Seriously! UGH! I hate it! I am so bored and don't enjoy it at all. It's pitiful. I'm hoping when he's older and we can do more things together that we both enjoy things will get better.

 

Yeah, not cut out to be a home school Mom, that's for sure. ;-)

[swellmomma]

Hi Brandy,

 

I don't have depression. I actually do see a therapist once per week. I've done lots of work on my adrenals and sleeping habits so physically I'm doing well. I have a parent with a terminal illness so that doesn't help.

 

I think a lot of it is just this personality conflict and then the fact that I just don't like this age/stage. I wasn't like this until he got to this part of his development.

 

I know it goes by fast, but when I'm in the middle of it that doesn't help. I don't want to damage the bond with him.

 

We do snuggle often. In fact, he kind of connects me with snuggling. So I'm glad for that part.

 

 

that's awesome you already have a therapist to talk to. Have to been open to him/her about your feelings re: your son? I am sorry to hear about your parent being ill. I am sure the stress of that certainly makes other things in life harder to deal with.

[Parrothead]

I never actually played with dd. I'd get on the floor and make appropriate noises a various intervals and bounce the stuffie in my hand around periodically, but in truth I was really watching TV. As far as she knew I was playing with/next to her.

 

I would suggest you try to turn things around. Instead of telling him no all the time, just start out doing yes activities. The more yes activities he is allowed the happier he is the less stressed you are.

 

Also try to find him a friend. A buddy to sit in the sandbox with will greatly relieve you of the pressure to play.

[atara]

I never actually played with dd. I'd get on the floor and make appropriate noises a various intervals and bounce the stuffie in my hand around periodically, but in truth I was really watching TV. As far as she knew I was playing with/next to her.

 

I would suggest you try to turn things around. Instead of telling him no all the time, just start out doing yes activities. The more yes activities he is allowed the happier he is the less stressed you are.

 

Also try to find him a friend. A buddy to sit in the sandbox with will greatly relieve you of the pressure to play.

 

Too funny parrot, I'm glad I'm not the only one that goes through the motions, so to speak.

 

Good idea about a buddy. :)

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

but playing with him is some kind of torture for me. Seriously! UGH! I hate it! I am so bored and don't enjoy it at all. It's pitiful. I'm hoping when he's older and we can do more things together that we both enjoy things will get better.

 

 

How much older are you thinking? 19, 25? :lol: Seriously, I don't really enjoy playing Spongebob Sorry or Star Wars or Pokemon, but I do it because that's what they are into. I fake it because it makes them feel important and valued and that small amount of (torturous) time I pour into them makes it easier on me when I need them to leave me alone for a bit.

[MrsBasil]

Do you have a yard with a fence? When mine is grumpy and turning everything into a battle of wills, I make an extra effort to take him outside for long periods of time. He runs around, plays in the dirt/sand or I give him a bucket of water and some cups. He ends up filthy, but can entertain himself for awhile. He'll tell me what he's doing and it's easy to sound excited or ask questions, because he's busy. Inside for lunch, bath, nap and than I nap.

 

He seems to have a much better attitude when he gets outside time on a regular basis. Does that help your little one at all?

[Amy in NH]

playing with him is some kind of torture for me. Seriously! UGH! I hate it! I am so bored and don't enjoy it at all. It's pitiful.

 

You do it anyway.

 

Work on your own patience-skills . Use your imagination to make it interesting and fun for you to engage your toddler. Try to see the world through his eyes and share the awe of experiences with him.

 

This is what it means to be a parent. You cheerfully do things you don't like because it's what's best for your child.

 

It's not all about you.

[brett_ashley]

First of all, lots of hugs! I second the idea to talk with your therapist about your insufficient attachment to your son.

 

In the meantime, fake it. It's okay (for now) to not feel love for your child, but you must be kind to him. You must engage him and treat him as you would like to be treated if you were his age. This means playing. This means affection. This means lots of read alouds.

 

I have a particularly difficult little one and it has helped me to think to myself: "How I engage with and parent my child now is how he will engage with and parent my grandchild." I'm only 31 but I have a lot of love for these hypothetical grandchildren! Silly I know!

 

Also the joyful parenting manifesto I posted here has helped me focus.

[atara]

Thank you ladies. I appreciate your honesty. I guess I thought all home school Mom liked watching spongbob (I'm making that up as an example). It's good to know I'm not the only. I thought a good attachment meant that I would WANT to do those things that he's into.

[the evolving homemaker]

sometimes i find when i am frustrated with motherhood for extended periods it really has nothing to do with my kids and more to do with my own mind and what i have been telling myself. if i have spent the last hour, or days, telling myself how hard or frustrating this is or this stage is or my life is...that is what my parenting is.

 

if i stop. breathe. really try HARD to change my own thoughts and my own perspective? take into consideration their perspective more? where i have been slacking? where i have been great? it changes the whole dynamic.

 

if you are telling yourself over and over and over how hard this is and how annoying he is. that is exactly what you are going to experience. instead, today maybe try to just watch him play for a long time. focus on his little mouth. his little hands. his curiosity. look deeply into his eyes when you are talking to him or when he is talking to you. see the humanity in there. FWIW, when i am having a frustrating day that is what i practice, it takes me back to the present and out of my poopy mind talk. and back to their innocence.

 

i don't like playing with my kids either, like with their toys. but i LOVE taking them to fun new places to learn about stuff, or just to the zoo over and over. they love it and it is stimulating to me as well so we are all happy! :)

 

good luck. yes, tell your therapist as you probably have, but really try to change your thought patterns. you are choosing this on some level by what you are feeding your mind.

[AK_Mom4]

Thank you ladies. I appreciate your honesty. I guess I thought all home school Mom liked watching spongbob (I'm making that up as an example). It's good to know I'm not the only. I thought a good attachment meant that I would WANT to do those things that he's into.

 

Nope....good attachment means faking that you enjoy those things! I will admit, sometimes I don't like my kids. They behave and do things that I find obnoxious, and when they were little, they tended to throw up on my good clothes, which drove me nuts. You just have to fake it - to drive a car around on the carpet for a while or have a tea party. Listen to them talk FOR HOURS about Harry Potter or Legos and nod appropriately.

 

And - like many things in life - if you fake it long enough, it becomes your reality. Act like you like them long enough and you find that you DO like them. And someday you find you are missing playing with the cars and teacups because they are off playing with their friends.....

 

ETA - this doesn't apply just for homeschool moms, though we are aroung our kids for more of the day. It was just a true in public school - they would come home and talk for 30 minutes about the latest Pokemon craze at school. It's just a way of connecting with each other. And - BTW - the fact you have an "interesting" 3yo, doesn't mean you aren't cut out for homeschooling.

Edited October 3, 2011 by AK_Mom4

[the evolving homemaker]

just to clarify, i do like playing games with the kids, reading to them etc. i just don't enjoy playing cars or barbies on the floor, especially when they were younger. i think it is ok to accept what you are great at, maybe reading to them, and let go of what you don't love, playing on the floor with a 3 y.o was hard for me too. we each have our gifts. there is no perfect parenting. and no one way to enrich our kids lives. if playing legos is not for you, take him to the museum instead. if that isn't for you, bake cookies with him instead. find what it is you love to do with him and do it well. ;)

[Wendi]

My son and I still like to get out of the house a lot. When he was little (and he has Asperger's, OCD, and ADHD, so he was definitely an intense and spirited little guy), we went somewhere every day.

 

Go to the zoo, to the park, to the library for story time, to the mall, to a children's museum or natural history museum (dinosaurs!), to a cultural festival, etc. If you time it right, it might be naptime when you get home. :001_smile:

 

It was hard playing with my son as a 2-3-year-old sometimes, because he was so bossy (we called him "Steven Spielberg" because he seemed to be the self-appointed director of playtime; when playing with action figures, he would tell us what to do and say. :D ) He would also spend a long time setting everything up before we could start "the danger" (what he called the conflict or rising action of the story in his head which we were supposed to reenact with Playmobil figures or Rescue Heroes). Sometimes he'd spend so long setting things up that I'd have to excuse myself to go start dinner or something, and he'd wail, "But I didn't start the danger yet!" :lol: It also made me laugh when he would entice me to play by promising that I could be the princess!

 

Anyway, to get back to my point, sitting around the house can get agonizing with an active toddler. Going out gives you the possibility of adult interaction and gives you both something to do/be interested in.

 

Wendi

 

Wendi

[gardenmom5]

yoga - it actually can change you so you have more patience.

 

I'd also "let" (yeah, right) my son have quiet playtime in his room - whether he wanted to go in there or not. gave him his favorite toy, and told him to go in there.

 

does he nap? he needs quiet time in his room even if he stays awake.

 

earplugs. unfortunatley, they don't block ds's whistleing. dh did request I let my hair down if I'm wearing earplugs because his mother is here . . . .

[BarbecueMom]

Do you know your Myers-Briggs personality type? Knowing how you approach your kids, and how that differs from the reality of life with toddlers, is important. I'm a "fix it" introvert - let me solve the problem and get out of my way. But kids aren't broken - they're just kids, but if I haven't had a good dose of alone time and problem solving, I shut down and put the kids in front of the TV because I just. can't. handle. it.

 

This weekend, we took the kids to grandma's in the morning, spent the day cleaning the carpets (which were so dirty I wanted to cry or move), didn't talk much, and today I feel refreshed. Weird, but fixing stuff that's wrong in the house frees up my mind to dote on the little guys. :001_smile:

[Joanne]

Ok. I have about 3 minutes before I have to teach class.

 

First, you need to work on you, because he's the child and developmentally he's doing what they do. The burden then becomes yours to compensate for the mismatch.

 

I would not rule out depression (yes, I read the thread and your answers). Your reaction to him is one classic depression symptom.

 

I would recommend the book When Anger Hurts Your Kids. Along with that, more specifically identify your triggers. Rank them.

 

Common triggers:

 

1. Noise

2. Mess

3. Unexepected physical interaction

4. Demands for time/attention

5. Challenge, obstinancy, lack of compliance/obedience

6. Sudden needs to change routine

7. Anger at not being able to focus on a task

 

Identify if sleep, eating/blood sugar, anticipating Dad coming home/being home changes the dynamic.

 

Journal what goes through your mind when you *feel* most challenged as a mom. Talk with your therapist about it.

 

Looking at your ranked order of triggers, what can you do to minimize them? Post here; we can help you when you know what they are.

 

The level of your anger/disengagement from your son is not normal. It needs intervention/support/help. That may even mean preschool if you can change things.

 

The first order of business is to change the dynamic and tone of the relationship. Again, this is on YOU. You can't wait for him to move on in development. He needs you to step up to the plate and find a way to turn this around. Know that I am not a "play with your kids" mom, and never have been. I won't suggest that you become one. What I will suggest is that you find a way to be *playful* and *positively interact*. You would benefit from a schedule of positive interaction; no matter if it seems scripted or contrived or inauthentic. You need to ruffle his hair, scratch his back, sing a song together, give him a stack of junk mail to "work on" while you work on bills, read him a story, make a sandwich together. Deliberately and intentionally sprinkle your minutes, hours and days with purposeful engaged moments. This will fill him up with positive-Mom, and it will change YOUR internal reaction to him. That will make him act better, which sets you up to react less. :001_smile::) It works. Really. But the understanding has to be that you are *healing your relationship* and *healing your thinking* about him to treat the dynamic.

 

In the meantime, work with the book recommended and your therapist on your cognitiions/triggers.

 

If you try, you will see that this is turn-around-able. This can get better dramatically, and quickly, if you start now and wholeheartedly try.

[MelanieM]

sometimes i find when i am frustrated with motherhood for extended periods it really has nothing to do with my kids and more to do with my own mind and what i have been telling myself. if i have spent the last hour, or days, telling myself how hard or frustrating this is or this stage is or my life is...that is what my parenting is.

 

if i stop. breathe. really try HARD to change my own thoughts and my own perspective? take into consideration their perspective more? where i have been slacking? where i have been great? it changes the whole dynamic.

 

if you are telling yourself over and over and over how hard this is and how annoying he is. that is exactly what you are going to experience. instead, today maybe try to just watch him play for a long time. focus on his little mouth. his little hands. his curiosity. look deeply into his eyes when you are talking to him or when he is talking to you. see the humanity in there. FWIW, when i am having a frustrating day that is what i practice, it takes me back to the present and out of my poopy mind talk. and back to their innocence.

 

i don't like playing with my kids either, like with their toys. but i LOVE taking them to fun new places to learn about stuff, or just to the zoo over and over. they love it and it is stimulating to me as well so we are all happy! :)

 

good luck. yes, tell your therapist as you probably have, but really try to change your thought patterns. you are choosing this on some level by what you are feeding your mind.

 

:iagree:Excellent post. "When you change the way you think about things, the things you think about change." -- Wayne Dyer

 

Along these lines, when I find myself annoyed by one of my children I find it extremely helpful to write an appreciation list about that child. It completely shifts things for me.

 

Good luck to you! This parenting thing can be hard. :grouphug:

[FO4UR]

Enjoying toddler activities is not a requirement for anything but being a toddler.;):grouphug:

 

 

Taking them to a park that's safe for them to run/climb/jump frequently helps. I usually read while my dc run and play. When mine were that little, I'd take my book and lay on the floor in their playroom. They were happy to play in the room with me, even though I wasn't pretending with them...though I'd pretend to eat the food that they "cook" and "ooh" and "ah" over stuff they built/made/etc.

 

 

You can teach him to help you with small things...pulling clothes out of the dryer, stiring while you cook...even if you don't NEED the help, he'll be happier (you'll be happier) if he's doing something that makes him feel important to you.

[atara]

Thanks all,

I will check out "When Anger Hurts Your Kids"

Today I took him out of preschool to run errands with me to at garden stores. I figured he would like it. Well, yeah he did but he was HORRIBLE! He played with everything, blah blah. I finally had to hold him and he's almost 3! So, it kills my back and I hold him tighter which hurts him....but then I put him down and he runs away and almost breaks something. It is SOOOO stressful. ANd I ask myself....why the heck did I take him out of preschool today? I just want to totally skip this stage, and when he can stand still - I'll start doing the one-on-one parenting. I just can't take this. :chillpill:

[2squared]

Thanks all,

I will check out "When Anger Hurts Your Kids"

Today I took him out of preschool to run errands with me to at garden stores. I figured he would like it. Well, yeah he did but he was HORRIBLE! He played with everything, blah blah. I finally had to hold him and he's almost 3! So, it kills my back and I hold him tighter which hurts him....but then I put him down and he runs away and almost breaks something. It is SOOOO stressful. ANd I ask myself....why the heck did I take him out of preschool today? I just want to totally skip this stage, and when he can stand still - I'll start doing the one-on-one parenting. I just can't take this. :chillpill:

 

Errands at garden stores could by wonderful for your little guy or it could be torture. It is torture if you are focused only on what YOU want to accomplish and you put a ton of constraints on a little guy who wants to see, touch, and smell at a super fun store. Sometimes this is just the way that it is.

 

But.....it could be a lot of fun if you first let your little guy explore the store. Have fun looking at the different plants together. Totally at his speed - one second at the purple one, then run to the fuzzy green one to look at it for 10 minutes, then skip to the pink one and smell it about 15 different times, and then go back to the purple one again. Then maybe he'll get distracted looking and comparing different rocks for about 15 min. After he gets all that out of his system, then you finally get to the errands. Maybe you buy a couple fun rocks for him or a pretty plant. Everyone is happy and fulfilled. Everyone has a good time. You are a hero because he has some fun new rocks that he got to pick out.

[FO4UR]

Errands at garden stores could by wonderful for your little guy or it could be torture. It is torture if you are focused only on what YOU want to accomplish and you put a ton of constraints on a little guy who wants to see, touch, and smell at a super fun store. Sometimes this is just the way that it is.

 

But.....it could be a lot of fun if you first let your little guy explore the store. Have fun looking at the different plants together. Totally at his speed - one second at the purple one, then run to the fuzzy green one to look at it for 10 minutes, then skip to the pink one and smell it about 15 different times, and then go back to the purple one again. Then maybe he'll get distracted looking and comparing different rocks for about 15 min. After he gets all that out of his system, then you finally get to the errands. Maybe you buy a couple fun rocks for him or a pretty plant. Everyone is happy and fulfilled. Everyone has a good time. You are a hero because he has some fun new rocks that he got to pick out.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Another thing I do that helps when going new places is verbally explaining the kind of behavior expected before we get out of the van. We must use walking feet in this store, and hold mommy's hand.

 

If he gets excited and runs to a display, I calmly walk over to him - engage with him - and hold my hand out for him as we move along.

 

If holding hands is generally a happy thing for him, he will do it automatically. If it's felt as a controlling mechanism, then he's going to reisist. The difference is entirely in how he perceives it...and his perception is largely formed by how you feel about it.

[Mrs Mungo]

When my kids were little, they needed lots of stuff to do. The book Montessori Play and Learn helped me put together some great activities for them, which helped keep them busy. All Montessori activities are designed to be used by the children independently once you show them how to "play the game."

 

We had the "button game" which was sorting buttons onto colored circles. This progressed to the "rice game" where they had to sort colored rice into colored bowls with chopsticks.

 

Tracing letters in a shallow dish of cornmeal is easy to set up.

 

One thing my kids *loved* was washing doll clothes out on our balcony or porch. I would tie up some twine as a clothesline and had tiny clothespins that I bought at the craft store.

 

These are all things that keep kids busy *and* help with gross and fine motor skills.

 

We also left the house twice a day when they were little, nearly every day. We'd take a morning nature walk and in the afternoon we'd do things like story time or go to the park.

[swellmomma]

I agree with the out 2 pp. Also if it is a time when you just want to get your shopping done use a cart or stroller. It is unfair to him for you to put the expectation on him to stand still and not touch things. He is 2. It should be expected that he is touching things and running around. That is what 2 yr old do. If I do not have a stroller or cart with me I like to give them a "job" to do. It makes them feel very important. So I might make a "shopping" list and tell them it is their job to hold it. Or maybe I am buying something small/lightweight and I tell them it is their turn to carry it. Or I play I spy while we are walking down the aisle. Or I give a choice of you can hold my hand or my shirt. DD4 likes to hold my back pants pockets, while I wiggle as I walk. She thinks it is the funniest thing ever. I may look like a fool but she is happy and laughing and staying safely attached to me.

 

It sounds like you are expecting a toddler to act like a little adult and that is a really unfair expectation. It is setting him up for failure and then when he does inevitably fail at the expection you get stressed and frustrated. next time either leave him in preschool where he will have realistic age appropriate expectations on him, or find a better way to deal with things. Expect that a toddler will run through the store and touch things. Prepare for it but planning other ways to keep him safe and still enjoy the time there. Go to other shops to practice looking and not touching while still having fun. One of the best things I have done with my toddlers is take them to the pet store. We can spend hours in a pet store, wandering around, looking at animals, and cages and supplies. It is in the pet store we practice walking holding onto our own hands so they don't touch, and using soft voices and walking feet to not scare the animals. I used to use the pet store as a reward after a grown up shopping trip. So for example, we had to go grocery shopping. Mostly child was in the cart, but I let them out at times to practice their new skills. After said grocery trip if things went smoothly I would take child to the pet store on the way home and tell him/her it was because the animals want to see what a good job they did at the grocery store.

 

It is not an instant thing. There is still days where I have to remind my 13 yr old of the expectations of behaviour in a store, especially if it is a new store or one with cool things (like when we walk into a music store). You have to plan ahead to set your child up for success and you both will find enjoyment out of running errands and such together if you do.

[ondreeuh]

I have a very challenging 3 year old. Some things that are helping me:

 

Keep offering him food and keep a snack on the table. It seems if he gets the least bit hungry, he immediately gets cranky.

 

Responding quickly to inappropriate behavior with a very quiet, low voice. We have a time-out spot and I keep my voice low and calm. My natural response is to get shrill, so this is very hard for me. I see that it is effective, though, and it helps prevent him from escalating.

 

Establish a set consequence. For us, it's time-out in the hallway. He knows that if he screams at me when I'm putting him in time-out, he will get a light swat. Honestly, philosophically I am anti-spanking. For right now, this is working. He knows what behavior will earn it, he gets a warning, and the swat isn't hard. If something else was equally effective at getting him to stop screaming, I would do it. Previously, he sat in time-out until he was calm and I ignored his outbursts, but he took that as permission to scream. This meant he was screaming when punished away from home which is unacceptable to me.

 

Calmness, consistency, lots of food ... I hope these help.

[SnowWhite]

Oh, I think taking a toddler to a store of any kind (well, except maybe a toy store with money to splurge) is a big mistake if you can avoid it. Take him out of preschool when you have nothing else planned. Take him to the mall to play on the riding toys or to the park. Put him in a stroller and take a walk. Take him to Chick Fil A and let him climb all over. Once he is six or seven he will be ready to walk beside you in a garden store and absorb the ambience. :001_smile:

 

Get to know your child's personality. He's more than just behaviors and this age. What books does he enjoy? What are his favorite toys? Does he like music? Engage him with activities you DO enjoy if cartoons aren't your cup of tea.

[Starr]

Put him in a stroller and go for a long walk.

[atara]

You ladies are my angels today. You have really helped me look at my own behaviour.

 

I took my son to the Dr. today and turns out he has a bacterial infection in his sinus. I had NOT idea. Now - I"m wondering if he's been having yucky feelings, light headaches, etc. - all the things that go with a sinus infection. So, now that we're home I did give him a small dose of Tylenol just in case he's hurting as it seems he's had this infection for awhile but I didn't realize. Thank goodness I brought him in before he ran high fever or something.

 

Anyway, we went to get some bird see and I took your suggestions above. He was MUCH better, as let go of my agenda slightly and then secondary - including him in what we were doing. He is old enough now to have an agenda and he seems to like having a task He pitched a BLOODY fit not to get out of the cool Home Depot cart so back to drama again. But for this trip, I think he's really sick so I didn't get so upset.

 

We came home and he was over it so he cheerfully helped me put bird seed in the feeder. He's watching a curious george DVD I let him pick out at the library. Thanks again for that tip. (Yes, I"ve been reading the responses like a starving, thirsty bird all day).

 

I wish I could hug all of you.:grouphug:

[FO4UR]

You ladies are my angels today. You have really helped me look at my own behaviour.

 

I took my son to the Dr. today and turns out he has a bacterial infection in his sinus. I had NOT idea. Now - I"m wondering if he's been having yucky feelings, light headaches, etc. - all the things that go with a sinus infection. So, now that we're home I did give him a small dose of Tylenol just in case he's hurting as it seems he's had this infection for awhile but I didn't realize. Thank goodness I brought him in before he ran high fever or something.

 

Anyway, we went to get some bird see and I took your suggestions above. He was MUCH better, as let go of my agenda slightly and then secondary - including him in what we were doing. He is old enough now to have an agenda and he seems to like having a task He pitched a BLOODY fit not to get out of the cool Home Depot cart so back to drama again. But for this trip, I think he's really sick so I didn't get so upset.

 

We came home and he was over it so he cheerfully helped me put bird seed in the feeder. He's watching a curious george DVD I let him pick out at the library. Thanks again for that tip. (Yes, I"ve been reading the responses like a starving, thirsty bird all day).

 

I wish I could hug all of you.:grouphug:

 

:grouphug:

 

Ask him to tell you his favorite part of the day today.

 

Good for you for not getting upset when he pitched a BLOODY fit!!! That's huge. (Oh so hard to remember when that fit is embarrasing for me...)

[SKL]

I am also not big on playing with my kids. But what I found more palateable was involving them in what I wanted to do. You are allowed to do some things for yourself and say no to stuff you don't like. For example, I will not listen to irritating kids' music, watch cartoons, or color. TOO BAD. I am a person, too. But what I will do is take my kids everywhere I go, share with them the things I love, and teach them my limits.

 

Do you get out of the house much? It can help to go hang out in places where there are other people with whom you can connect, even if it's just with a smile or a tiny bit of small talk. This can also help engage your child's mind so that he is less constantly needy.

 

I probably sound like a broken record, but when my DD was going through a difficult stage (NOTHING was good enough for her and she made me pay for it), I read the book "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline." I think the reason this worked for me was that it helped me to choose a non-emotional dialogue to deal with behaviors. Of course, I still lost my cool occasionally, but it was kept to a much more reasonable level.

[Rosie_0801]

I appreciate the ideas of playing with him, and I know this sounds HORRIBLE -

but playing with him is some kind of torture for me. Seriously! UGH! I hate it! I am so bored and don't enjoy it at all. It's pitiful. I'm hoping when he's older and we can do more things together that we both enjoy things will get better.

 

Yeah, not cut out to be a home school Mom, that's for sure. ;-)

 

No, perhaps you're not cut out to be a fun homeschooling Mum, but not all of us are. :rolleyes:

 

Take him to the playground. Take him to another playground, and another. Take him on nature walks. They can be painful when your tot wants to spend 45 mins on the same three metres of track, playing with the gravel on the path, but if you get some field guides and learn to identify the local flora, it feels a bit more productive for you. In another year or two, he'll be interested when you tell him that plant with the purple flowers is a something or other and he'll think it's fun when you quiz him. So take a field guide, look at that while he's busy, and trot along after him while he's not. There are ways to compromise so he gets what he needs from you without it being something you don't have in you to give. And you have to do it because they don't grow out of most of these phases until you do.

 

Rosie

[Dustybug]

You do it anyway.

 

Work on your own patience-skills . Use your imagination to make it interesting and fun for you to engage your toddler. Try to see the world through his eyes and share the awe of experiences with him.

 

This is what it means to be a parent. You cheerfully do things you don't like because it's what's best for your child.

 

It's not all about you.

 

:iagree:

 

I agree with the out 2 pp. Also if it is a time when you just want to get your shopping done use a cart or stroller. It is unfair to him for you to put the expectation on him to stand still and not touch things. He is 2. It should be expected that he is touching things and running around. That is what 2 yr old do. If I do not have a stroller or cart with me I like to give them a "job" to do. It makes them feel very important. So I might make a "shopping" list and tell them it is their job to hold it. Or maybe I am buying something small/lightweight and I tell them it is their turn to carry it. Or I play I spy while we are walking down the aisle. Or I give a choice of you can hold my hand or my shirt. DD4 likes to hold my back pants pockets, while I wiggle as I walk. She thinks it is the funniest thing ever. I may look like a fool but she is happy and laughing and staying safely attached to me.

 

 

We do these sorts of things as well. I also have a "one hand on the buggy" rule. I tell my 3 year old and my 5 year old that at ALL times in a store they must keep on hand holding on to the shopping cart. This helps keep them from grabbing things and walking away from me, etc. I give one warning only if they let go. After that, they have to sit IN the buggy with all the groceries or whatever I'm shopping for all shoved in on them and around them, which makes for a very uncomfortable ride since I will not take my 1 year old out of the seat of the buggy. This usually curbs the behavior pretty quickly because they like the "freedom" of being allowed to walk around the store like a "big person."

 

I give them lists and pencils sometimes as well, or play I Spy games, or rhyming games, or "Keep an eye out for X product for Mom because we need to purchase it today!" type things. Just keep them involved in what you are doing. :001_smile:

[atara]

Thanks again everyone.

 

Our day ended so sweetly. I knew my son & I had reconnected because when I went outside to water the plants after my husband was home and son was eating - he literally pitched a fit to come with me! I was shocked. However, I knew I needed to breathe but it was nice that he missed me, even if for five minutes. After my bath, stretches, etc. I heard my husband go to put him to bed but he was resisting. I felt so good that I calmly went in the living room and held him, spoke softly, and he followed me right into his room, and did our bedtime routine with NO resistance!

 

I think the key for me not just surviving, but thriving in this stage, is to stop and take deep breathes as often as possible; to take hot epsom salt baths with candles and the new Tori Amos CD, etc. so I can go BACK to my son (and husband) with a kind attitude.

 

I'll be honest, most times I don't give myself even that which puts me further behind the ball.

 

One reason I shared this post today was because I just *know* that there are others like me who might find it difficult to admit how hard it really can be. I wanted to be that voice for them also.

 

P.S. I'm hoping by the time he's K/1st grade age there will be someone who could help me home school him.:D